Original subtitles

SubRip By k_jiaranai and Synchronize by Bee0557

Once upon a time...

I never thought I'd marry a woman

who thought cranberries were an acceptable thing

to put in bagels.

Of course, I never thought I'd marry at all,

but especially someone from the West Ooast.

I'm from the East Ooast myself... New York Oity to be exact...

and...

I think people that go in for this mixed-marriage craze

are just asking for trouble.

But it just shows to go you, here I am.

But perhaps you're asking yourself now

or disturbing your fellow travelers

and asking your movie companion:

"She seems to be a woman,

"and I distinctly heard her say, 'marry a woman.'

"How could this be?

"What's going on here?

Did I myself miss something already?"

Well, rest assured

your comprehension of this movie so far is fine.

Uh!

This is what is known as a lesbian-themed movie.

There are some characters in this movie

who are gay and lesbian.

Of course, not at the same time.

Please quietly leave now

if you mistakenly went into the wrong theater

at your multiplex.

I'll wait for a moment.

I am glad they left.

They were freaking me out.

Now, this is the point in the movie where I give you,

the paying audience, a tad of childhood background.

I've known I was gay ever since I was DNA.

Congratulations, Mrs. Rosen. It's a baby lesbian.

Well, actually,

my coming out didn't go quite so well.

In Jewish tradition, when someone dies,

you sit shivah.

It's kind of like a wake,

except there's no body,

you do it after the funeral,

and it lasts a week.

After I came out to my parents,

it felt like my mom, the drama queen,

wanted to have one for me.

Why, why, why couldn't she go to law school

like her brother?

But after moving out to California and...

It happens.

Anyhow, after several doses of The Ellen Show

and experiencing righteous indignation

upon watching the made-for-TV film

The Margarethe Cammermeyer Story...

produced by the Jewish goddess herself, Babs Streisand...

my mother had a radical transformation.

Now she's the head of her local PFLAG chapter.

For the uninitiated,

that's Parents, Families, and Friends

of Lesbians and Gays.

She marches in parades; she writes letters;

she leads protests.

Basically, she's on a mission.

So when I broke up with my girlfriend...

or rather,

when I was left for dead by the side of the road

after my ex destroyed everything

I held near and dear to my heart,

grinding her spiked high heel into the remains

of any self-respect I had left over

after a tumultuous 13 years of our on-again/off-again affair

or whatever it was...

my mom told me to come out...

hey, no pun intended...

to California.

It's warm.

It's sunny.

Everyone's friendly.

Everyone's happy, happy, happy.

So I brought my dark self out to the Wild, Wild West.

What's this?

It's a California blintz...

avocado and sprouts.

It's good for you.

Forget about that woman.

She has had a hold on you

for too long.

She loves you; she hates you.

She's gay; she's bi; she's God-knows-what.

And every time she calls, you come running.

Mom, enough.

Okay, okay. Who am I anyway?

Just your mother.

Do you want me ask some of the other PFLAG mothers

about their daughters?

I mean, maybe you could meet one of them.

No, Mom.

Thanks, really.

I appreciate your concern,

but I can handle the dating thing myself.

Well, you don't seem to be doing such a hot job

by yourself.

Ah, it's none of my business.

Anyway, you'll start out

all over again here, fresh.

You'll see.

You'll love it here.

And it's about time you settled down

with a nice girl.

I'd like to write your address in my address book

in pen, not pencil.

Mom.

Well, I never heard of anybody moving around so much.

Okay, okay,

I won't say anything.

You have to live your own life.

Thank you.

One thing, though.

The Gay Pride Parade is tomorrow.

Your father and I

will be carrying the banner

for the PFLAG contingent.

It's a big honor.

It would be very nice if... if you could march with us.

I don't know, Mom.

Well, it would mean a lot to your father.

I'll think about it, Mom.

Well, you do what you feel,

but I think it would be nice

if the family could do something together.

(Rachel) I realized my mother's entire retirement career

rested on my sexual orientation.

Well, I was just glad someone was getting something

out of my sexual orientation.

Everyone needs a hobby.

So you'll come?

(Rachel) But, you know, I adjusted to California.

I found some friends who understood sarcasm.

I learned that in clothing, layering was rarely an option.

I explored the lighter, brighter side

of the color spectrum.

But it struck me all my friends were male.

Gay, straight... but of the male variety.

Ultimately my identity as a gay female

hinged on me finding another female to be gay with,

otherwise the whole membership thing was in jeopardy.

I was still a member of the tribe,

but my family status might be put into question.

My friends, however fun, were of limited use.

So what about that girl

Steve set you up with?

Oh, that was a no go.

What was the problem this time?

She was just too tan.

What?

She had that healthy-leathery-skin-

bordering-on-skin-cancer look.

Mmm, sounds attractive.

See, my goal used to be meeting someone

who was psychologically sound.

That's a lofty goal.

Well, this, I realized, was asking for far too much.

Now I'm just hoping for not completely psycho.

This also could be asking for too much.

Listen.

You might have to settle.

Everyone has to settle.

Except me, of course.

Oh, Norman,

you've always been my knight in shining armor.

Rachel, sweetie, tell me...

is your apartment still done

in early American moving boxes?

Well, maybe.

You know, Rach, girls usually like it

if they feel you're gonna stick around for a while.

Have you got any furniture yet...

I mean, besides that table

that props up your word processor?

Hey, don't scoff.

I process words to keep food on the table.

Actually, more accurately...

to keep food on the moving box.

Besides, none of you will go antiquing with me.

Rachel, Rachel, Rachel,

we'll never marry you off.

Mama, enough already

with the marriage talk.

A mother can dream.

(Rachel) Once more unto the breach, dear Rachel, once more.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

(Rachel) Rachel continues her pursuit of Ms. Rightowitz.

(woman) Wow, hey.

You must be Rachel.

Hi, I'm Kathy, Bobby's friend.

Um, well, actually,

Bobby's roommate Oarl's sister's friend.

I'm sorry I'm so late. L...

I just lost track of the time.

Do you want anything to drink?

I'll just have some hot water.

I brought my own herbs.

So I was sharing with my ex, you know...

just ordinary stuff, you know,

like what we needed from the store

and, um, whose turn it was to do laundry.

And then our sharing got more intense.

(Rachel) What is this "share" bit?

When did the word tell become such a taboo?

What is wrong with just telling somebody something?

Is it somehow less sincere?

So I shared with her

that I felt perhaps she was needing something

that I couldn't or was not able to give her

at the present time.

You know, I just wanted her to feel

that she could share with me,

if she felt comfortable,

whatever she was going through...

of course, in her own time...

and I wouldn't at all be judgmental.

We all have our own space.

She was sleeping with someone else?

Well, yeah.

(Rachel) I got to know that cafe very well.

There was Debi.

She'd mistaken my pasty-white New York City skin color

for a fellow member of the Gothic tribe.

I corrected her impression.

Then there was Suzi.

She loved surfing...

a lot.

And certainly it was fascinating for me

to hear her describe her surfing experiences...

in detail.

Then I met Teri.

She served in the Navy for seven years.

I don't know if anyone asked or told,

but I certainly wasn't going to.

I was getting a little desperate.

I just wanted to meet someone without an "e" sound

at the end of her name.

I actually let my mother set me up with a girl.

I still find this sad and scary.

But there you go.

Loneliness is a dangerous thing.

Basically I knew she had blonde hair,

she was slim, and she'd be wearing...

This is a Swedish nightmare.

(woman) Rachel?

Yeah?

Hi, I'm Christine, your mom's friend.

(Rachel) Friend?

Now I'm going out with my mother's friend?

When will this madness end?

Iced tea, please.

I hope you haven't been waiting long.

Oh, no, I got here about five minutes ago.

I hate being late.

I hate the idea of keeping people waiting.

Oh, so you're not from California.

No, no, I was born and raised in San Diego County.

What's that have to do with being on time?

Well, don't they revoke your California residency

if you're too punctual?

Well, if they do,

I've managed to slip past the system so far.

So how long have you been in California?

Well, I guess it's been nine months now.

Practically a native.

I don't think that could ever happen,

even under threat of torture.

Oh, is living in California so bad?

Try not to get into an argument.

Well, it's different.

How is it different?

(Rachel) Be diplomatic.

Well, just do your best.

Well, people are less direct here.

In what way?

Well, they never really tell you what they want.

I mean, they go over here; they go over there,

you know, and I feel like...

You know, people are so busy trying not to offend anybody,

they never really say anything.

And in New York,

people tell you exactly what they want?

At 100 decibels.

That sounds pleasant.

If people here weren't so passive

and nonaggressive in their conversations,

maybe there'd be less road rage.

Ever thought of that?

Have you ever been in a cab in New York?

Okay, point well taken.

When were you in New York?

Oh, I haven't been.

I just watch Law and Order a lot.

Oh, well, that's practically the same.

I hate to jinx it, but, um,

I think this is going okay.

I would say so.

Well, when I first started going out with my ex,

she only played softball on the weekends.

And then she got really into it.

She set up this pitching mound in the backyard,

and she nearly killed the neighbor's cat

with a wild pitch.

Eventually she went professional.

Now she travels all over the country

playing softball.

That's incredible.

Yeah, well, she's doing what she loves.

What's the name of her team?

Xena's Warriors.

Oh, I should have known.

Must get lots of coverage on ESPN.

Right.

So what about your ex?

Uh,

she left me for her gynecologist.

Wow.

Yeah.

No competing there.

God, that's weird.

Yeah, I should have seen it coming.

No one needs a Pap smear once a week.

How long had you been together?

The last time?

What do you mean, "the last time"?

Well, we kind of went out and broke up

and went out and broke up a few times.

How many times?

Four of each.

Going out and breaking up, I mean.

Wow.

Well, I think this one will stick.

I sealed it by moving cross-country

and not leaving a forwarding address.

I stopped short of putting an obituary in the paper.

I thought that might be tempting fate.

She sounds like quite the tornado.

More like a hurricane...

Hurricane Reggie.

Reggie?

Like in the Archies?

Actually, it's short for Regina.

She was named for the Bette Davis character

in The Little Foxes.

[Imitating Bette Davis] Oscar, you should know me

well enough by now

to know that I don't ask for things

I don't think I can get.

Well, that's impressive...

the quote, not the imitation.

Thanks.

You know, I love classic movies.

See, even Californians can have a sense of history,

even if it is only Hollywood history.

But my Dad has this amazing video library,

if you ever want to borrow something.

So your, uh, ex was named for Regina Giddens?

Yeah, scary, huh?

It was strangely prophetic.

Reggie is quite the cutthroat.

Whatever Reggie wants...

Reggie gets?

Yeah, she's not coming back to reclaim you, is she?

Uh, you never know,

but, uh, not if I can help it.

Well, this is where I live.

Oh, cute house.

Thanks.

How long you lived here?

Um, two years now.

Wow, time flies, huh?

When you're having fun or not.

Yeah.

I had a great time tonight.

Yeah, me too.

Would you like to get together again sometime?

That'd be great.

Could I see you in the morning?

That'd be even better.

(Rachel) Private Rachel Rosen awoke alone in the jungle.

She was unaware of the danger she was in

and who had removed her clothing.

She decided to stay put

until she ascertained more information.

A native entered bearing sustenance.

Or was it?

You know, all last night,

I felt like there were lots of tiny green eyes

staring at me,

and I swear, at one point,

I even heard some tittering.

Now, I thought it might be the neighbors,

but now I understand.

Do you have something against plants?

No, I just kill them,

but I never mean it.

It's involuntary man-,

I mean,

plant-slaughter.

Well, try not to kill mine. I really like them.

I can see that.

So do you have any plans for today?

Other than reading the Sunday New York Times,

I'm basically available.

What'd you have in mind?

Well...

I hope you're kidding.

No. What size do you wear?

Seven.

Well, it just so happens so was my ex,

and since she abandoned all other sports

when she dedicated her life to softball,

I believe these babies have your name on them.

Great.

Come on, Rachel!

No, no, you go on ahead.

What's the matter?

It just violates

one of my principal rules of dating:

Try not to look like a complete idiot

on the first date.

This isn't our first date.

Last night was our first date.

Don't you know that for lesbians,

a date is a 24-hour thing?

What kind of lesbo are you?

Come on. I'll help you.

Oh, this is not a good thing.

Yeah, it is.

No.

Hey, Joe, guess what.

[Joe over telephone] What?

I met a nice girl.

Impossible.

No. By golly, it's true.

How could this have happened?

Well, it's very embarrassing for me to admit it,

so I'm sure you'll enjoy this.

She's actually the girl my mother set me up with.

You're kidding.

I kid not.

Well,

come on... details, details.

Well,

her name is Christine.

Oh, a nice Jewish girl.

She's a massage therapist, and she laughs at my jokes.

[Singing] Say hallelujah.

Can I get a witness?

Anyway,

I'm gonna try to really behave myself

and not screw this up.

Hmm, that would be different.

Thanks, Joe.

You know how much your support means to me.

What are friends for?

(Rachel) I don't know how it is for you heterosexuals,

but in the gay world, exes never die.

They simply fade into friends...

very concerned friends,

friends who feel they have the right

to interfere in your business.

So the official committee of my ex-girlfriends

and various sundry friends

would not permit Christine

to have the official title of "my girlfriend"

until she passed their examination.

Do you describe yourself as "gay" or "lesbian"?

I-I go either way.

That's just unacceptable.

I don't think that's a good an...

No, no, I mean, I use either word.

It says here on your application

that you're still friends

with your ex-girlfriend.

Yes, that's true.

Mm-hmm.

If you were to fill out a job application,

would you use aforementioned ex-girlfriend

as one of your emergency contact persons?

No, of course not.

I like that.

Is she still on speed dial?

Oh, good question.

Good question.

No, I hardly talk to her.

She isn't a potential stalker, is she?

Of me?

Or Rachel.

No, her... her softball schedule is way too intense.

And off season?

No.

Anan, what do you think?

Did you like her?

Well...

(Rachel) Oh, she passed...

barely.

A year passes, and they fall deeply in love.

Trust me.

Do I look okay?

Yeah, you look great.

Why are you so nervous?

I've just never been to a seder before.

It's no big deal.

It's just the Jewish Thanksgiving.

Only you have to sit through a long story at the beginning

while the food gets cold.

I just... I just don't want to say anything wrong

and embarrass myself.

Don't worry about it. You'll be fine.

Hey.

Oh, and here's the happy couple.

Oh, and don't you both look beautiful?

Come in. Come in.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, hi, baby.

Hi, Mom.

(Rachel) Did she call her "Mom"?

Come. I want to introduce you to everybody.

Of course, you know Matthew and Carol.

Nice to see you.

Hi, Christine.

Hi.

And this is Nancy and Cindy.

Hi, Christine. How you doing?

It's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

And this is Steve and Barry.

Barry comes to PFLAG meetings.

Hi.

Hi, guys.

Oh, and, of course, Sam.

Hi, Sam.

(Carol) Jacob, honey!

Okay, everybody,

it's time for us to start the festival of freedom

for all our GLBT loved ones.

(Barry) "The wise son asked,

"'What is the meaning of the rules, laws, and customs

"which the Eternal, our God, has commanded us? '

"'You shall explain to him all the laws of Passover,

to the very last detail about the Afikoman. "'

"The contrary son asks,

"'What is the meaning of this service to you? '

"Saying 'you,' he excludes himself."

"Rabbi Yehuda used to refer to the ten plagues

"by their Hebrew initials:

D'Tzach, Adash, B'Achav."

"Rabbi Jose the Galilean said"...

Honey,

it's pronounced "Yosi."

The "j" is said like a "y."

Oh.

This didn't happen in Mexico.

It's okay, dear. How could you know?

Go on.

"Rabbi Jose the Galilean said:

"'How can one show that,

"'following the ten plagues in Egypt itself,

"'the Egyptians

"were smitten with 50 plagues at the Red Sea? '

'They suffered 200."'

Very nice, dear.

Welcome to the family.

This is Sam's and my ketubah.

It's actually a wedding contract.

It's beautiful.

It's a very old tradition of the Jewish people.

Matthew and his wife have one,

Barry and Steve have one,

and I hope one day,

my Rachel will have one too.

Rach?

What?

How's it going?

Oh, fine.

Fine.

Adjusting to California?

What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's great.

Work's okay?

Well, it comes and goes,

but I'm getting enough to keep me out of trouble.

Certainly has been an informative seder this year.

Excuse me?

Well, I didn't know

that the lost tribe of the Israelites

was actually the GLBT tribe.

Our mother is just a fountain of knowledge.

You know, she tells me

she's not going to use the word straight

for heterosexuals anymore.

Now she says I'm "nongay."

You go, girl.

She gets any more accepting,

I'll have to rebel and go straight.

Oh, I mean, nongay.

The only time she ever calls me anymore

is when she wants my opinion

on some article she's written for PFLAG.

Well, you see?

This is the price you pay

for choosing the heterosexual lifestyle.

New research proves that heterosexuality

is biologically based.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, if it makes you feel better,

I barely see Mom myself.

She's far too busy being supportive.

Go, team, go.

Exactly.

Look at this over here.

Christine is sure a change from that Reggie.

Yup, she sure is.

How are things between you two?

Fine.

What's the matter, Rach?

Nothing.

That was convincing.

Come on. Tell your big brother.

She called Mom "Mom."

So what?

You should be glad she gets along so well

with the family.

Yeah, I'm thrilled.

What's the matter?

I thought you wanted a girlfriend.

Well, yeah, I wanted a girlfriend,

not a wife.

I mean, look at them together.

(Matthew) I think it's nice.

Oh, Carol.

Hey, look.

It's the first wives club.

That's not funny, Matt.

(Nancy) What should I do with these?

Oh, just put them on the counter, I guess.

Can I give you a hand?

Oh, no, I just snuck in to try to finish up.

Um, Nancy,

can I ask you a question?

Yeah, sure.

Were you born Jewish?

Oh, yeah, I've always been Jewish.

I only became African American ten years ago.

I'm sorry. I converted ten years ago.

Really?

Yeah.

I was never really religious growing up,

and when I went to college, my first girlfriend was Jewish.

I started going to Friday night services with her,

and on the holidays,

we'd go together to her parents' home.

It was really nice.

Wow.

So how did your parents take your conversion?

Well, my mom was worried,

because I had already come out to her,

and she thought, "Well, okay, you're black"...

And this is before

"African-American" came into vogue.

"You're a lesbian, and now you're Jewish.

You're going to have to start your own support group!"

Is, um, Cindy also Jewish?

No.

It's hard enough finding one African-American Jewish lesbian.

Two would be bucking the odds.

I really enjoyed the seder.

I like the whole idea of a festival of our freedom.

Do you all get together every year?

What did you say?

What's the matter, hon?

You've hardly said a word the whole way home.

Nothing. I'm...

I'm just tired. That's all.

Well, you just seem kind of quiet.

No, no, I'm fine. It's just been a long day.

What's that you said about the seder?

Well, I was just saying that it really struck me,

you know, the idea that we were all once strangers in Egypt

and that we should remember that

and treat the strangers among us

with dignity and justice.

Yeah, I don't think God knows about trickle-down economics.

Rach,

how hard is it to become a Jew?

What do you mean?

Well, I don't know anything about conversion.

You can convert to Judaism, can't you?

Well, yeah,

but we never really been big on that.

People usually have trouble enough

without adding the burden of Jewdom.

Rach, I'm serious.

I thought you'd be happy that I would think of it.

Happy?

Well, you know,

that we could share holidays together as a family.

Well, you were there tonight.

You didn't have to convert.

I mean, you and me as a family.

Oh. [Swallows]

Well...

What's the matter, Rachel?

Do you not want me to convert?

I didn't say that.

Well, you hardly seem enthused.

I just don't think it's necessary.

Not necessary?

Yeah.

I don't want you to convert just because I'm Jewish.

That's not why I want to convert.

So why do you?

For one thing, just for myself,

because it strikes a chord in me.

But also because I think ceremonies like tonight

could help bring us closer together,

and I want to build a home with you.

I want to build a family with you.

Oh.

Well...

What's the matter, honey?

You're not having doubts about us, are you?

No, of course not.

It's just I find this idea of converting

a little stunning.

Well, I didn't say it to upset you.

Oh, I know, babe,

and if you want to convert, I mean...

well, that's great.

I just don't want to think you're doing it

just because I'm Jewish.

No, honey,

that's not why.

Okay.

Do you think I could ask your mother's rabbi about it?

Sure.

Then when we retire,

we can move to Miami together.

It would be the fulfillment of a life's dream.

Oh, honey, you know, I meant to ask you.

When I was, um, putting away the serving dishes,

I noticed some old photos of your family in the drawer.

Who was the other little girl in them?

Uh, that was my sister.

Your sister?

You never mentioned you had a sister.

She died when I was 13.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Well.

What did she die of?

Uh, car accident.

A drunk driver went through a red light.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Well...

Rach, honey...

I really don't want to talk about it.

Rachel...

Please.

I'm sorry.

Listen, I'm... I'm gonna do some work.

I'll come to bed in a bit.

[Man on television] We are now going live to Kelly Neill,

who is standing by in Hillcrest.

Oh, look, Rach... your mom.

(Neill) Today here in San Diego, PFLAG...

Parents, Friends, and Families of Lesbians and Gays...

have organized yet another protest

against the initiative which would make it a state law

that marriage is only valid between a man and a woman.

I have a gay daughter and a nongay son.

I want my daughter to have the same rights

to marry and commit to a partner as my son.

This is Kelly Neill

in Hillcrest for Channel 2 News.

Hey, have you ever thought that you'd like to get married?

Aaahhhhhhh!

You know, when I first told my mom I was gay,

I told her one of the advantages was,

at least she wouldn't have to pay

for an expensive wedding.

Now, of course, she'll just be tickled lavender,

and I know somehow she'll manage to get it featured

on every local and national newscast.

There'll be all-day coverage

the likes the world hasn't seen since Diana married Oharlie.

Do you think Christine was really serious about it?

Oh, yeah, and there is no stopping that woman

when she sets her mind on something.

Well, why not get married?

Why not?

Well, I mean,

she is madly in love with you,

and I am emphasizing "madly."

And you've led me to believe

that you're not completely indifferent to her.

Okay, I love her.

I think she's great.

She loves me, which I give her immense credit for.

But, you know, I have squirming room.

The U-Haul is just a call away.

Marriage is that's it.

I believe that's the idea.

Okay, I know no one takes gay marriage seriously,

but gay marriage is still like a real commitment.

I believe that's why it's known in the gay world

as a commitment ceremony.

You and Danny never got married.

You've been together for nine years.

This is true,

nine absolutely fabulous years.

So why don't you get married?

I don't know.

Maybe gay men naturally find it easier

to commit to long-term relationships.

You know how I feel about commitment.

Avoiding long-term commitment is why I'm a freelance writer.

All jobs are short-term.

Gives me lots of room to move in.

This doesn't have anything to do with Reggie, does it?

Reggie?

'Cause you know how stupid that would be?

What are you talking about?

I want nothing to do with that woman ever again.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Reggie has nothing to do with it.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry I said anything.

Reggie.

Sorry!

Well, how badly do you think Christine wants to get married?

She started conversion classes.

[Man singing in Hebrew]

(Christine) Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

I'll see you next week.

Okay.

Hi.

How did it go?

Good.

The rabbi is really, really nice.

She gave me a list of books I should pick up.

Yeah, my people love to read.

Did you know about this kosher stuff?

You're not supposed to eat shellfish.

Well, I don't want to eat anything with antennas anyway.

You really are incredible. You know that?

Thanks.

I love you, honey.

I love you too.

What you doing, hon?

Shh.

I'm making kreplach.

Oh, I-I didn't know.

Are all the little baby kreplach sleeping?

Don't be funny.

It's my first time, and it's not easy.

Sorry.

What happened here?

Did the kreplach put up a fight?

Oh, I'll clean everything up when I'm done.

Could you just stay out of the kitchen

till I'm done?

Oh, okay.

I'll call the rabbi and get a minyan together

for afternoon prayers.

(Christine) Shit!

What's the matter, hon?

Christine?

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it!

Jose and Shmuel,

how many times have I told you not to tease your sister, huh?

Now, go to your rooms.

Go.

You've got Chumash and Rashi to complete before Shabbat.

And when your lesbian mother comes home,

she's gonna want to go to shul.

Rivkah, come help your mother.

Rachel.

Rachel.

What's the matter?

Huh?

Rachel, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

What happened? Why'd you yell "shit"?

Oh, I screwed up the kreplach.

I hope you aren't hungry.

No, somehow I've lost my appetite.

Listen, I got to go out.

I'll be back in an hour or so.

What's the matter?

Nothing, nothing.

I just got to get some air.

Rachel?

Where have you been?

I was just out walking by the bay.

You've been gone for four hours.

I thought maybe something had happened.

No, no, I just lost track of time.

Sorry.

Do you want to break up?

No, of course not.

I just get the sense lately

that you don't want to be around me.

Oh, no, honey. It's... it's just...

l...

You know, maybe it's a midlife crisis.

You're 34.

I've always been advanced for my age.

I need you to talk to me.

I feel like you're shutting me out.

Christine,

you are the best thing that ever happened to me,

and I'm not letting you go.

I want to be with you.

And I want to be with you.

I'm trying, honey. I'm really trying.

It's just...

I have a problem making commitments.

Well, that's why I can't shop at the price club.

The quantities are too large.

I can't even commit to a product.

We don't have to figure all the future out today.

We can take one day at a time,

but I want to take every one of them with you.

You foolish, foolish girl.

I'm serious.

I know.

And there's no one I'd rather be with.

So what's the problem?

There is no problem.

So you really want to get married?

I think it could be nice, don't you?

Do I get a bachelor party?

Only kidding, honey.

Only kidding.

(Rachel) Then it was time for dinner with the parents.

The brisket is great, Mom.

Yes, it's delicious.

Thank you.

It's Sam's mother's recipe.

So, Leah, tell us about this PFLAG thing

you do.

PFLAG is the only nongay gay activist group

in San Diego County.

Excuse me.

Did you say "nongay"?

Yes, yes.

I don't like the word straight.

I think it makes it sound like to be heterosexual

is correct and anything else is crooked.

How interesting.

Just what does PFLAG do?

Some parents have a problem

dealing with their kids being gay.

I can't imagine.

(man) Dear.

(Leah) So parents come to PFLAG for support and,

we hope, eventually come to acceptance

of their children as they are...

beautiful human beings.

(man) Well, that sounds great.

Maybe we should go sometime, dear,

and show our support.

Oh, that would be wonderful.

So many kids come to our meetings

whose parents have rejected them.

It's great for them to talk to parents

who accept their GLB T children.

I'm sorry..."GLBT"?

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgendered.

Oh... gelbt.

(man) So, Sam, do you play golf?

I belong to a wonderful club

in North County.

I try to get out as often as I can.

You should come along sometime.

I mean, well, we're practically family now.

How do you feel about your daughter

converting?

That must be hard for you.

Converting to what?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God,

did I say something I shouldn't have?

Now, that would be unusual for you, Mom.

(man) Pumpkin,

is this true?

Um, yes, Dad, it's true.

I'm, um,

taking conversion classes,

um, to convert to Judaism.

And in November, we will be married by a rabbi.

Well, my goodness,

so much to absorb in one evening.

Mom, I'm sorry.

I should have told you before.

You know, darling,

you're making this unflappable image of mine

harder and harder

to maintain.

Mom.

Seriously, darling,

sometimes I think you only do these things

to see if you can make me crack.

Mom, it's got nothing to do with you.

Well, let me tell you something, darling.

I am a WASP,

a full-fledged, card-carrying WASP,

and so are you, as much as you fight against it.

And as a WASP, I refuse to break down

in front of perfect strangers...

no offense intended.

None taken.

Mom, there are some things that happen in this world

that have nothing to do with you.

They are few and far between.

(man) Honey, what I think

you meant to say

was that we support you, Christine,

no matter what you do.

Oh, of course.

But tell me, dear.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong,

but I don't think you can have the name Christine

and be Jewish.

So what should your father and I call you now?

Meshuggener.

Rachel!

Rach.

(Christine) You ready, Matt?

(Carol) Jacob, it's yours!

(all) Whoo!

(Rachel) All right.

He's good.

He's getting better.

So, um,

are you getting excited about the wedding?

Actually, much to my surprise, I am.

I'm developing a new attitude.

Really?

Yeah.

I try to focus on the present in short-term spurts,

'cause thinking long-term freaks me out.

Uh, you know, Rachel, most people think of marriage

as a kind of long-term thing

even if it hardly ever makes it there.

Yeah, yeah, I know,

but I'm trying to pull the wool over that part of my brain.

Anyway, I'm going full steam ahead

no matter what my inner child says.

Actually, Rachel, with you,

it's more of an outer child kind of thing.

How true.

And, of course, you love Ohristine.

Well, yeah.

I can't believe she puts up with me,

but for some reason, she does.

All shiksas want a Jewish husband.

(Christine) It's out!

Okay, come here.

Here's the idea.

Christine is really great with the kids.

Yeah, she is, isn't she?

You two ever talked about having kids?

Having kids for what?

You know what I mean.

Do you two want to make babies?

Well, I been trying my best for more than a year now,

and no results as of yet.

Can you answer a question without being flippant?

I shall certainly try.

We never really talked about it.

I stand corrected... or rather... sit corrected.

Christine has on occasion alluded to it,

but I cleverly avoided the topic.

So suppose she does.

I guess it's not such a bad idea.

(Christine) This is for the championship.

You ready, Jacob?

(Rachel) Come on. Come on, girl.

Whoo!

Attagirl!

Sorry, Jacob.

Hey, Matt, you know, I guess you just can't beat us.

So, Matt, has my little woman beat you again?

It's not fair.

She's a native Californian.

Being good at outdoor sports is in their DNA.

I think you'd be more gracious

about losing, Matt.

You do it so often.

(Matthew) Christine,

you're not allowed to abuse me

until we've actually become family.

You're supposed to be polite now.

(Carol) Don't you listen to him, Christine.

Feel free to abuse him all you want.

It makes him strong.

(Matthew) Honey, you're supposed to be on my side.

Hey, all bets are off since our Pictionary debacle.

Ah!

Speaking of which...

(Matthew) Forget it, Rach.

One humiliation in front of a man's progeny

is enough.

No more Pictionary.

Maybe one or two more.

I'm exhausted. I'm going straight to bed.

Me too.

[Woman over answering machine] God, you're hard to track down.

It's Reg, if you haven't figured out by now,

but I haven't seen you in so long,

maybe you've forgotten.

Anyway, I just wanted to hear your voice.

I hope you're okay and surviving California.

"Christine and Rachel

can't answer the phone right now"...

I guess you are doing okay.

Anyway, call me.

You know the number.

Hey, any calls?

Uh, just the editor about some corrections.

I need to call him back, okay?

Sure. Love you.

Love you too.

[Reggie over telephone] Hello.

Hello.

Hey, Reg.

Oh, my God, Rachel!

How you doing?

Simply fabulous.

There you go.

Where the hell have you been?

And when did you move to California?

I mean, I know I'm awful,

but you shouldn't have to run so far away.

I got out here more than a year and a half ago.

Has it been that long?

I'm afraid it has.

Oh, don't be afraid, sweetie.

Just accept it for what it is.

I didn't wake you up, did I?

Oh, what's the matter with you, Rach?

You know me. I'm a night owl, baby.

Oh, how silly of me.

What is it out there, 10:00?

I know that's late for Californians.

You're all a bunch of pagan sun worshippers.

Now, Reg, you know you shouldn't talk

about religion or politics.

Speaking of religion, how's your mother?

Taking over the world.

Does she still spit when she says my name?

I think she's blocked you out.

So easily forgotten.

No one could ever forget you, Reg.

If only that were true.

Uh, so what's going on, Reg?

How's it going with Marc?

Oh, he's long gone.

Boring.

No, little Reg is all by herself.

I find that hard to believe.

You always have the next one lined up.

Well, it's true.

So who's this Christine that you're shacking up with?

Is she the woman of your dreams?

Well, we've been seeing each other

for more than a year now.

You moved in together.

Well, you know lesbians don't understand the concept

of dating without living together.

How true.

So is it serious?

No, we often joke around.

Rachel, try to stay on point.

Well, I'm not seeing anyone else.

So it is serious.

Well, yeah.

It's like pulling teeth.

It's not like we don't have problems.

What kind of problems?

Just stuff.

Jesus, Rachel, sometimes having a conversation with you

is like not having a conversation with you.

Actually, uh,

we're talking about getting married.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh.

You never asked me.

Reg.

All those years together?

Actually, I-I think she asked me.

Really?

Listen, Reg, uh, I got to get going.

Okay, darling.

Rachel?

Yeah?

You know I'm still in love with you.

I thought it was over,

but I think about you all the time.

Yeah.

I got to get going.

I'll... I'll talk to you real soon.

Good-bye, honey. Kisses.

[Woman singing] What you gave me,

what you stole

can't hold a candle to the things you'll never know.

Fate, a fool could find.

Words, I would waste.

When there's nothing in this world

that will make you mine

and there's nothing to take your place,

does it matter what I say?

Does it matter what I do?

Does it matter what I tell myself

when what I want is you?

What I want

is you.

(Christine) Is everything okay?

What?

Well, the corrections

that your editor wanted... is everything okay?

Oh, yeah.

It wasn't a big deal.

Oh, good.

Oh, hey,

um, your mom wants us to get together

sometime next week to start planning the wedding.

When would be good for you?

Oh, whenever.

You schedule whatever's best for you.

Is Wednesday okay?

Sure.

She wants Carol to be there,

and she also wants to see if Barry and Steve can come,

'cause they got married last year.

Great.

I think planning the wedding will be fun, don't you?

Oh, yeah.

Rachel, you schmuck.

What the hell is wrong with you?

I don't know.

She sounded so sad,

and then she said she was still in love with me.

Yes, and of course you believed her,

because up till now,

she's been so straightforward and honest with you.

Well, she sounded sincere.

Rachel, this woman's a piranha.

And you, my friend, are a little guppy.

Joe...

No, no, not even a guppy...

the unfertilized egg of a guppy,

the twinkle in an eye of a guppy.

Okay, Joe.

I can't believe you, Rachel.

Maybe Rob is right.

Maybe you don't really want a relationship.

What do you mean?

It seems to me that you're actually trying to screw up

your relationship with Ohristine.

Hey, it's not my fault.

Reggie called me.

It has nothing to do with Reggie.

What are you saying?

I am saying that you're always gonna look

for a reason not to commit,

and if it's not Reggie, it'll be something else.

That's not true.

Do you understand how lucky you are

to have met Ohristine?

Of course.

Well, do you understand that if you run after Reggie,

eventually she's gonna break your heart again,

and in the process of pursuing her,

you'll lose Christine?

Joe, whatever your theories about Reggie,

I know I can't even look at her photo

without having a crisis.

I ache just when I hear her voice.

And, yeah,

I know it's partly because I just miss New York

and people who can sustain a conversation.

But part of it is her.

And Ohristine?

[Sighs]

Joe, I don't know what to do.

She's everything to me.

Rachel,

you have a wonderful woman

with whom you can build a beautiful life.

Think about what she means to you,

how she's always there for you.

Forget about Reggie.

She's just an excuse.

She's just a fantasy.

Ohristine is real.

Now, you can hire a wedding consultant

to plan the wedding,

but they're expensive,

and really you want to do it yourself

to make sure you get exactly what you want.

Have you decided where you're going to have the ceremony?

Well, honey,

you know you could have it here,

but our patio's so small, you couldn't have many guests.

Don't be silly, Leah.

We'll have it at our house

in the backyard.

Are you sure, Oarol?

Of course.

That's so great. Isn't that great, Rachel?

Yeah, it's incredible.

(Steve) Have you two decided what you're going to wear yet?

I thought about a hot little off-the-shoulder thing,

maybe leopard skin.

Oh, Rach, you are such the little kidder.

Actually, we haven't decided yet,

but we both agree... no tuxes.

Thank God.

You, on the other hand, Oarol, will be in tails.

Uh, maybe we'll be busy that weekend.

Where are you gals gonna register?

Xena. Com.

Just ignore her.

Seriously, Rachel,

where do you think we should register?

Lacroix, sweetie, Lacroix.

[Telephone ringing]

Hello.

[Water running]

Hi, Rachel.

Reg?

It is I, my furry friend.

How you doing?

Well, pretty well,

except for that God-awful flight,

but I don't know any other kind of flight.

Flight?

Where are you?

San Diego, my love.

If Mohammed will not come to New York Oity,

then New York Oity shall come to Rachel.

You're in San Diego?

Yeah, sweetie, that's what I just said.

Has senility set in already?

I can't believe you're here.

Me too.

And here you are.

It certainly warms the cockles of my heart

to be welcomed so warmly in the Sunshine State.

No, no, Reg, that's Florida.

California's the Golden State.

Oh, that's right.

They count votes here.

I'm sorry, Reg.

I just didn't expect you to come here.

Well, I have.

They let me on planes now.

So when do I see you?

Shall I come over there?

No.

Um...

Do you want to come to my hotel room?

I don't think that's such a good idea.

Listen, I'll meet you at this coffee shop,

uh, the Living Room.

I'd rather meet you in another room.

Reg, focus.

Where is it?

It's, um, in Hillcrest on University Avenue.

Do you think you can find it?

When? Now?

Yeah, okay.

Just give me an hour to finish up here, okay?

Whatever you want, my love.

I'll see you there.

I'll have a rose in my teeth in case you don't recognize me.

Yeah, sure.

I'll see you there.

Hey, Reg.

Rachel!

Let's take a look at you.

Just as cute as ever.

Reg, you look great.

And I am.

So, Reg, um, what's going on?

Just the usual...

keeping my head above the water.

It's so strange to see you after all this time.

Just a little worse for wear and tear is all.

Reggie,

why are you here?

I've come to fetch you home.

What?

I miss you, Rachel.

I want you home with me.

You... you can't say that to me.

I already have.

But I live here now.

I'm gonna marry Christine.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

Oh, come on, Rachel.

I know you still love me.

I can tell just by looking at you.

I know you too well.

I love Christine.

No, you love me,

and you're gonna marry me.

And now you're gonna kiss me.

(Christine) Rachel.

(Leah) More, more, more!

(Reggie) Do you want to come to my hotel room?

(Rachel) I don't think that's such a good idea.

I'd like to make a toast.

To Christine,

whose Hebrew name is now Karen bat Avraham Avinu.

L'Chaim!

(all) L'Chaim!

Way to go, Christine.

Welcome to the tribe.

(man) Congratulations,

sweetheart.

Thank you.

I-I appreciate all the support you've given me

over the past six months.

Christine, darling, we still hold on

to our parental rights, don't we?

You'll still come by

when we're eating through straws?

Mother, stop that.

I'm only asking, dear.

Of course she will.

She's a wonderful daughter and a terrific person.

(Carol) Rachel,

you're being strangely silent.

You can't be out of witty repartee.

I'm just absorbing the profundity

of this awesome experience.

(man) I'd like to make a toast to my daughter.

Well, Pumpkin,

you never cease to amaze me.

Whatever you set out to do gets done.

Now, I've never been a religious man,

but I am so proud of you,

and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Thanks, Dad.

So you're going to make my daughter an honest woman.

Well, not being one myself,

I thought I'd give it a try with Christine.

We're very attached to her, you know,

so behave yourself.

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, hon.

It's Sky.

She has to reschedule her massage appointment.

Her inner child's in town.

Oh, thanks, honey.

Can you grab the mail for me? I'm loaded with stuff.

Sure.

Hey, anything interesting?

(Rachel) Now, what would be your definition of interesting?

Come on.

[Woman singing] I don't know what it means...

Sorry I'm late.

I been running around trying to cram everything in.

That's all right, dear.

I can't stay long.

I have to pick up the dress in an hour.

Any attention you pay your dear old mother

is greatly appreciated.

Mother.

Well, I guess I ought to get straight... -

sorry... nongay

to the point.

This is your grandmother's wedding ring.

I want you to have it.

I know you already have rings,

but being it's your grandmother's...

It's beautiful.

Of course, it's not rainbow colors,

but I believe it works the same.

Mom, are you sure?

Yes.

Well, you seem bound and determined

to test my abilities to adapt.

And I can, you know.

And the Rosens seem like perfectly lovely people, so...

I knew you'd like them.

Rachel seems okay too.

Thanks, Mom.

She has the driest sense of humor...

very important in a daughter-in-law.

I'm proud of you, Mom.

Well, I'm quite proud of you, too,

my little rebel.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Christine.

Rob!

I was just thinking about you the other day.

What's all this?

Oh, just a bunch of stuff for the wedding.

It's coming down to the wire.

Oh, that's right. So when's the lucky day again?

Sunday.

Oh, so that's why Reggie's in town.

What?

Reggie's in town?

You didn't know?

I think it was her.

Of course, I've only seen her in photos.

Of course.

I saw them the other day at the Living Room.

I thought for sure you knew.

Anyway, they didn't seem to notice me.

It looked like they were having one intense conversation.

I got to go.

I'll talk to you later, okay?

[Driving rock music]

Where are you?

Rachel!

I'm here. I'm here. What's the matter?

Okay, Rachel, what the hell is going on?

Why didn't you tell me Reggie was in town?

Who told you that?

Rob.

He saw you having a t?te-?-t?te at the Living Room.

What's going on, Rachel?

She just came for the wedding. That's all.

Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't want to upset you.

So you're waiting

till she showed up at the wedding to upset me?

No, I was gonna tell you.

It was just with the conversion ceremony and all,

it didn't seem like the right time.

I don't like this.

I don't like you keeping this from me.

I wasn't keeping it from you.

I just wanted to find an appropriate time to tell you.

Oh, and just when would that have been?

Okay, I was nervous about telling you

because exactly what's happening now.

You know how much I hate confrontations.

But her coming here doesn't change anything.

Believe me, it doesn't.

I really don't know what to believe.

Well, you can believe me when I tell you

it doesn't change anything that Reggie's here.

Don't do this again.

If you have something like this to tell me,

I want you to tell me right away.

Christine,

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I should have told you right away.

I was wrong.

I'm serious.

I don't want you to keep secrets from me again.

It wasn't a secret.

But you're right.

I should have told you right away.

But I love you.

Okay?

Okay.

So when do I get to meet her?

What?

Reggie...

when will I get to meet her?

Whenever you want.

How's tomorrow night for dinner?

Sure.

I'll give her a call.

Good.

So what do you do again, Reggie?

I'm a professor of physics at Columbia University.

What's that, like P. E?

Yes, I teach dodgeball.

Oh, I think it was Woody Allen who said,

"Those who can't do teach,

"and those who can't teach

teach physics."

I believe he was referring to gym teachers.

My mistake.

And what is it that you do, Christine?

I'm a massage therapist.

You know, I don't believe they teach that particular art

at Columbia.

Or would that be a science?

Would anybody like anything from the kitchen?

No thanks, honey.

Perhaps a little more wine, sweetie.

O-kay.

So why are you here, Reggie?

I believe it's the cheese.

Hmm.

Now, you see,

I thought it was because of the Rachel.

You're a charming, darling girl,Christine,

but remember,

I can take Rachel from you whenever I want.

You are a selfish, arrogant girl, Reggie,

but you even try, and I'll snap you like a twig.

Oh, my goodness.

Such language, Christine.

To quote my namesake in The Little Foxes:

"And I thought you were all sugar water."

Out the pretension, Reggie.

You are no Regina Giddens.

You may think you eat the earth,

but I will hardly stand around and watch you do it.

Really?

Well, Christine, F.Y.I., Rachel and...

(Rachel) Here's the wine.

Think I'll have some more myself.

How you gals getting along?

Fabulously.

The best of friends.

[Softly] Oh, great.

Great.

She's a darling girl, Rach,

and quite the tigress when it comes to you.

She's no pushover.

So you thought about my marriage proposal?

You weren't serious.

Oh, yes, I was.

Bought rings and everything.

Well, Reg, we enjoyed having you.

You should come by again next time you're in town.

Yeah, I'll be sure to do that.

So long, Rach.

Bye, Reg.

Okay, Dad,

I finished with the air filter.

Do you need anything else done?

The wedding is Sunday.

Everything seems to be getting done.

Here and there, there are things to do, but...

I'm just a little nervous.

It's no big deal,

except Reggie.

I-I don't know what to do.

Rachel, it's all gonna work out for the best.

What's that supposed to mean?

Now, sweetheart, you know you don't really love Reggie.

You're just scared of marrying Christine.

"I can't marry Christine. I'm still in love with Reggie."

We both know that isn't really true.

Oh, we do?

How can you be so sure?

'Cause I'm a lot older than you.

You're too busy running around

to pay attention to what's really going on.

So what is going on, O, Wise One?

Well, the bottom line is,

you have to stop wasting your time waffling.

Are you insinuating that I am a waffler?

I most certainly am.

You're my baby, and I love you,

but you, my Rachel, are a waffler.

I'm devastated.

You're young.

You'll get over it.

If only I could be sure.

Rachel, let me tell you something.

It might be a little hard for you to hear.

This isn't my sex talk, is it?

God forbid.

I want to talk to you about your sister.

Oh.

We never really talked about it,

but I think we finally should.

Why?

'Cause you're a big girl now, and it's time.

All right.

I relive that day so many times,

everything about it.

I said good-bye to Naomi before she left for the game,

and that was it.

She was just wiped away.

Yeah.

All the worrying you do for a child

and the pride you feel watching your child grow

day by day, year by year.

You invest all your life, all your heart,

and in a moment's inattention, your child is gone.

Never knew I could hurt so badly.

Yeah, me too.

I know, honey.

But, you know, over time, I came to understand

the measure of a life is not in its length

but in its quality.

What quality my Naomi had.

How much she added to my life, to our lives.

I began to just feel grateful

for the time we did have with her,

even though it was too short.

What was I supposed to do,

wish I had loved her less so it wouldn't hurt so much?

I never wanted to feel pain like that again.

I know, honey.

That's why I'm telling you this.

When you told us you were a lesbian,

no, I did not jump up and down for joy,

but never for a moment did I think,

"You're not my daughter."

I already learned

that what you hold dear to your heart

can be taken away in a second,

so you just better love

and be grateful for what you have,

and pay attention.

[Softly] I'm scared.

Honey, there is no way to avoid getting hurt.

But unless you make some commitments in life,

unless you take some responsibility,

you're not really living.

You're only a shadow

passing through.

The last thing I want is responsibility.

Honey, the more responsibility you take,

the freer you are.

Everything becomes a choice.

Naomi didn't have much of a choice,

did she?

No, she didn't.

But you do.

And she wouldn't want to be your excuse for not living.

You know,

I really loved her.

I know, honey,

and she knew.

Yeah?

Yes.

Dad, how'd you get so smart?

Public television.

It's a wonderful thing.

You see such interesting programs.

Now, you go get married

and make me some more grandchildren.

I'll see what I can do.

Hello, Rachel, darling.

Why the urgent call?

Are we eloping?

Do you want anything to drink?

Sure, I'll have a coffee.

What's up?

Listen, Reg...

I don't like the sound of this.

Reg,

you know I love you and all,

and... and I guess I learned

that I'm not completely over you,

but I belong with Christine.

I love her.

I don't want to be without her.

Well,

such a dramatic little speech,

and me without my coffee.

I'm sorry, Reg,

but it's really clear to me now.

My life is with Christine.

So that's it?

Yeah.

What am I supposed to do with the rings?

I'm sorry, Reg.

It's because she's blonde, isn't it?

And a massage therapist to boot.

No benefits being with a physics professor.

Reg...

I know it's not that, okay?

I'm just trying to give myself an out

so I can leave gracefully.

But that's not really an option, is it?

Reg,

you know I'll always love you

in my own little way.

Yeah, me too.

So, um,

you're not coming back to New York?

You're gonna die out here.

Don't know if I can, Reg.

Our families are out here.

Never bothered you before.

You're not, perchance,

developing family values, are you?

Perhaps.

PFLAG and all.

Yeah,

Mama Leah.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

I think, um, I should get back to New York,

hold on to a little dignity and all.

(Rachel) Oh, my God!

Christine!

Christine, hold up!

It's not what you think.

I was telling her good-bye!

I was telling her that I love you,

that I'm marrying you!

Well, you can turn around and tell her the wedding is off!

I can't believe you, Rachel.

Do you have any respect for me at all?

Of course I do.

I feel so stupid!

God, how she must have laughed at me!

Damn you!

I thought you loved me! You told me you loved me!

I do love you. I do want to marry you.

Please... I know I've been stupid,

but please, please, marry me.

Did you sleep with her, Rachel?

Did you jump from our bed to hers?

God, I am such an idiot!!

Honey, please.

I'll do anything. Don't leave me.

Leave you? What's wrong with you?

You were just kissing her!

On the cheek!

I was telling her good-bye!

I told her that I love you,

that I'm not myself anymore without you.

Who I am is tied with you.

I can't be me without you.

So why, Rachel?

Why did you do this to us?

I don't know.

I was afraid.

I was afraid if I needed you too badly,

I would lose you.

I always had excuses not to care too much

so I wouldn't get hurt.

It was my sister.

It was Reggie.

Really, it was just me.

I just didn't want to hurt anymore.

I don't know if I can trust you.

Christine, there hasn't been anyone else.

Reggie is, well, Reggie.

She just pushed a lot of the right buttons

from my past.

She was my excuse to run away from making a commitment to you,

because you are the one that has touched

the deepest part of me,

the person that I'm most scared of

because you're the person I'm most vulnerable to.

But I needed Reggie to come here

to realize what I want for my life.

I want stop spending my life just avoiding pain.

I've already wasted too much time.

I want to start living.

And all I really want

is to live my life with you.

I don't know, Rachel.

Honey, please.

I'll give you everything that's inside of me.

I commit to you 100%

You're the only one that I want.

Rachel.

Christine,

marry me.

Come on, honey.

I'll keep a kosher kitchen.

I'll go to services with you.

I'll knock you up.

Promises, promises.

I mean it.

Wouldn't you like to have a Rachel, Jr.,

crawling around the house?

Well, I already have a Rachel, Sr.,

crawling around the house.

So you've had practice.

Marry me, Christine,

and I promise you all my heart.

I won't hold one iota of me back.

You have me totally.

Oh, sounds immense.

But I think you should get down on your knee.

Christine Peterson,

otherwise known as Karen bat Avraham Avinu,

will you marry Rachel Rosen,

otherwise known as Leah Rosen's gay daughter?

I do.

Well, with the power vested in me,

I most humbly and gratefully take you

as my significant other.

Amen.

And she bought it!

Oh, only kidding folks.

What do you think of the outfit?

Oh.

Thanks.

Well, I got to get going.

No more excuses.

V'Yasem Lecha Shalom.

May the Lord bless you and guard you.

May the Lord show you favor and be gracious to you.

May the Lord show you kindness and grant you peace.

Amen.

(all) Amen.

(all) Mazel Tov!

(man) Mazel Tov.

(all) Proud of our gay children!

Mazel Tov!

You know, I-I just wanted her to feel

that she could share with me,

you know, whatever she was going through,

that... you know,

if she felt comfortable to do so,

and I wouldn't at all be judgmental.

I have a present for you.

This!

Yes, and you have to wear it right now.

Wonderful!

You look so beautiful!

Thank you, thank you!

Hi.

How you doing?

I'm doing well.

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