Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

-Hi. How you doing?

-GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

-Fine. Thank you. What can I get for you?

-UM, CAN I GET A -- A BEAN-AND-CHEESE BURRITO

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

AND A SMALL DIET PEPSI, PLEASE?

-Okay.

-ACTUALLY, COULD YOU MAKE THAT THREE BEAN-AND-CHEESE BURRITOS?

AND DOES THE GORDITA -- DOES THAT HAVE MEAT ON IT?

-You want that bean?

-YES, PLEASE. THAT'D BE GREAT.

CAN I JUST GET LIKE TWO OF THOSE GORDITAS, THEN, PLEASE?

-Anything else?

-OH, AND AN APPLE PIE.

-Okay.

-CAN [SIGHS]

CAN I GET TWO OF THOSE?

-Hi. Can I help you?

-UM, TWO GARDEN SALADS, PLEASE.

-Okay. Anything else with that?

-UM, TWO SUNDAES, PLEASE.

-Okay. What kind of sundaes?

-UM, HOT FUDGE, PLEASE.

-Okay. Sure. Anything else?

-CAN I GET TWO LARGE FRENCH FRIES?

-Sure. Anything else?

-AND WHAT IS ELSE GOOD? OH!

HOW ABOUT TWO ORDERS OF THE 12-PIECE CHEESY TOTS?

[ VEHICLE DEPARTING ]

HI. I'M LUCY.

LOOK, I JUST -- I WANT EVERYONE

TO KNOW THAT UP UNTIL THE DAY I DIED, I WAS A VEGETARIAN.

AND I WAS FAT.

[ MUNCHES ]

I'M TALKING TWO-AIRPLANE-SEATS FAT.

-FUCK.

-BUT I DID HAVE FIVE VERY COOL, VERY PRETTY FRIENDS...

...BECKY, RAYE...

GEORGE, TREVOR...

AND AUSTIN.

NOW...

IF, IN FACT, YOU ARE A FAT ASS

AND YOU WOULD LIKE TO STAY FRIENDS

WITH A GROUP OF VERY PRETTY PEOPLE, SEVERAL RULES APPLY.

NUMBER ONE, ALWAYS EAT IN PRIVATE

SO YOUR WEIGHT WILL REMAIN A MYSTERY.

[ GULPS, BURPS ]

NUMBER TWO, ALWAYS DRESS IN WORKOUT CLOTHES SO THAT...

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

...YOU KNOW, THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE TRYING.

NUMBER THREE, BE SURE TO KEEP THEM LAUGHING

BECAUSE HUMOR IS VERY THINNING.

[ POP! LAUGHTER ] OH!

AND RULE NUMBER FOUR --

AND THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE...

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

...ALWAYS ANSWER THE PHONE ON THE FIRST RING...

HELLO?

...BECAUSE, HONESTLY, THE FAT FRIEND IS REPLACEABLE.

ALTHOUGH A VEGETARIAN, I DID HAVE ONE EXCEPTION.

I COULD NEVER GIVE UP HOT DOGS --

ALL-BEEF, PLUMP, AND JUICY.

-♪ I'M A HOT DOG

♪ SITTING IN THE FOG

♪ WAITING FOR MY DAY IN THE SUN ♪

♪ AND THOUGH I MISS YOU

-UNFORTUNATELY, HOT DOGS COULDN'T SING AT MY FUNERAL,

BUT I KNEW WHO WOULD.

IT HAD BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'D SEEN HER,

BUT IF THERE WAS ANYONE

WHO COULD BRING US ALL BACK TOGETHER...

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ] ...IT WAS BECKY.

-HELLO? RUNNING LATE!

HELLO? HELLO?!

MOM, IS THIS YOU?!

-No. It's Lucy. -LUCY WHO?

-Hey, Becks.

-WAIT. "LUCINDA" LUCY?

[ Laughing ] OH, MY GOD! HOW ARE YOU?!

-[ Voice breaking ] I don't have a lot of time, Becky.

-OH, I'M SOR-- WELL, WHAT'S WRONG, HONEY?

-It's almost over. Can you help me, please?

-WELL... -[ Crying ]

-OKAY. O--

OKAY. CAN YOU TAKE A BREATH?

[ SIGHS ] [ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ]

LUCY, I'M SO SORRY.

NO. WHAT IS IT?

OKAY. UH, GUYS, CAN YOU PLEASE SETTLE DOWN?

OPEN YOUR BOOKS TO CHAPTER 14.

[ SIGHS ] OF COURSE, HONEY.

MM-HMM.

NO. I MEAN, WHAT-- YEAH, WHATEVER YOU NEED.

OKAY. JUST LEAVE IT TO ME.

ALL RIGHT. [ CHUCKLES ]

[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]

[ SIGHS ]

OKAY. THE RULES OF REPRODUCTION.

KELSEY, GET THE LIGHTS, PLEASE.

RESPECT, UNDERSTAND, LEARN,

AND WHEN YOU'RE READY AND YOU FEEL IT'S YOUR TIME, ENJOY SEX.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY UP HERE, PEOPLE.

-COME ON, BECKY. IT'S LUCY.

HOW SICK?

-REALLY, REALLY SICK.

I WAS GONNA ASK HER HOW SICK. SHE WAS HYSTERICAL.

-COME ON. WITH HER WEIGHT, IT COULD BE ANYTHING.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?

-SHE WAS VAGUE BUT REAL UPSET.

-YEAH. NATURALLY.

-YOU KNOW, SHE SAID THERE WASN'T MUCH TIME LEFT.

THAT'S WHY SHE HAS TO GET US ALL TOGETHER.

-HELLO, LADIES.

LOOK, BECKY, I GOT TO GO.

I GOT TO FLY 400 PEOPLE TO ROME IN 45 MINUTES.

-RAYE, SHE BOOKED A BEAUTIFUL LODGE FOR US.

AND WE'LL ALL BE TOGETHER AGAIN. IT'LL BE GREAT!

AND IT'S FREE! COME ON, HONEY.

-THEY GOT BIG BUGS IN MONTANA.

-LUCY SPENT SIX WEEKS CALLING EVERY STUDENT ON CAMPUS

UNTIL YOU WERE ELECTED STUDENT-BODY PRESIDENT.

-I HAVE AN ELECTION COMING UP THIS FALL,

NOT TO MENTION A NEWBORN. I...

-Raye Jr., right?

DID YOU GET THE, UH, THE DAY GOWN I SENT HIM?

-YOU DIDN'T GET A "THANK YOU" NOTE.

-I WAS JUST WONDERING IF IT FITS.

-OKAY. ALL RIGHT. LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET ME TALK TO MARY,

AND, UH, RAYE JR. THANKS YOU FOR THE PAJAMAS.

-IT'S A DAY GOWN.

-CAN'T WE JUST SPLIT A "PICK ME UP" BOUQUET AND BE DONE WITH IT?

-SHE'S PULLED THE DEATH CARD, GEORGE. WE GOT TO GO.

-HEY, GUYS. MY FRIEND HERE WON THE GRAMMY.

That little trophy fix your pussy situation?

SORRY ABOUT SHEILA.

-I GOT NO COMPLAINTS.

-WELL, I GOT A BOAT ON THE LAKE, TREV.

HOOKING PUSSY IS AS EASY AS CLUBBING SEALS.

-ARE YOU COMING TO MONTANA OR WHAT, MAN?

-I don't buy it.

REMEMBER HER HEART ATTACK?

-THAT TURNED OUT TO BE A GAS BUBBLE?

-AND HOW ABOUT THAT, UH, HERNIA

SHE CLAIMED SHE HAD HER JUNIOR YEAR?

-OH, YEAH. UNTIL YOU CONVINCED HER THAT IT WAS PROSTATE CANCER.

-SO, THEN GEORGE

TALKS HER THROUGH A RECTAL EXAM OVER THE PHONE.

[ BABY CRYING ] IT WAS TERRIBLE.

-AN EDUCATED 20-YEAR-OLD WOMAN THOUGHT SHE HAD A PROSTATE?

-WELL, SHE WAS IN LOVE. SHE WAS BLIND.

HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN IT?

-MA'AM, YOU CANNOT HAVE THAT ON BOARD.

-HMM?

-DO WE LOOK ARAB TO YOU?

-GIVE ME THE PUFFY PAINT.

-[ BREATHES SHARPLY ]

I'M GONNA EXPECT THAT BACK WHEN WE LAND.

I'M GONNA WRITE A LETTER...

IN PUFFY PAINT.

SEE HOW SHE LIKES THAT.

-POOR LUCY MUST HAVE SPENT 30 MINUTES

TRYING TO FIND THAT PROSTATE.

-[ LAUGHS ]

-YOU KNOW, AND GEORGE HAD HER ON SPEAKERPHONE, YOU KNOW,

SO THE WHOLE FRATERNITY COULD LISTEN IN.

-[ LAUGHS ]

-YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT FUNNY.

-NOT FUNNY?

BROTHER, DID YOU NOT HEAR THE STORY YOU JUST TOLD?

-PLEASE, CALL ME "RAYE," MARY.

-SURE...

BROTHER RAYE.

-WANT ALL THOSE DONE BY THE TIME WE LAND.

[ PAPER RUSTLES ] -YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHY DON'T YOU WRITE THE DAMN THINGS YOURSELF?

THEY'RE YOURFRIENDS.

-IT'S YOUR JOB. -MYJOB?

-YEAH. YOUR JOB.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

-I MEAN, GIVING A LITTLE BOY A NIGHTGOWN.

-IT'S A DAY GOWN.

OH, AND SHE SAID TO WASH IT IN COLD.

-IT AIN'T EVER LEAVING THE BOX.

HER HUSBAND'S COMING, TOO, RIGHT?

-I'VE TOLD YOU THAT FIVE TIMES ALREADY.

-HE BRINGING HIS DAY GOWN?

-OKAY. DON'T START WITH ME, MARY.

-YOU'RE SO NOBLE TO RUSH TO HER SIDE LIKE THIS.

MOST MEN I KNOW WOULDN'T.

-THAT'S WHAT LIFE'S ABOUT, RIGHT?

-MM-HMM.

YOU'RE SINGLE, RIGHT?

-UH, YEAH. I-I AM.

I'M -- I'M SINGLE.

SEE?

-[ CHUCKLES ]

-OH. YOU, TOO?

-YEAH.

CHEERS. [ CHUCKLES ]

-WELL, LET ME LET THE AIRLINE BUY YOU ANOTHER.

[ BEEPING ] -THAT'S AWFULLY NICE OF YOU.

-I KNOW. -[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

I THOUGHT YOU PILOTS FLEW FIRST CLASS WHEN OFF DUTY.

-WELL, WE -- WE DO,

BUT THE AIRLINE WAS ABLE TO SELL OUT AT FIRST,

SO I GAVE UP MY SEAT 'CAUSE WE NEED EVERY PENNY.

-OH.

WELL...

AS LONG AS THERE'S A COUPON IN HERE FROM THE AIRLINE

FOR MOTELS IN MISSOULA...

-I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.

WE WERE COMPLETE MORONS IN COLLEGE.

VOID OF THE FORESIGHT TO PICK A CAREER,

MUCH LESS LIFELONG FRIENDS.

WE TRY TO KEEP IN TOUCH, RIGHT?

BUT IT'S ALL SUCH BULLSHIT.

AND THE GODDAMN CHRISTMAS CARDS --

FUCKING CORNY WORDS, THE UGLY KIDS IN MATCHING OUTFITS.

YOU KNOW, FAMILY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHERE'S YOUR PARENTS?

-THEY'RE DEAD.

-THEY LEAVE YOU A LOT OF MONEY?

-SOME.

-[ CHUCKLES ] THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

POUND IT DOWN.

-OOH, CAPTAIN.

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

-OOH, BEAUTIFUL. -AUSTIN?

HI.

I HATE TO DO THIS, BUT BARB IS SO SICK.

SHE'S EIGHT WEEKS AND JUST THREW UP ALL OVER THE GALLEY.

LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE ON VACATION,

BUT WE'RE ABOUT TO START SECOND SERVICE.

COULD YOU BE A DOLL AND PINCH-HIT FOR BARB?

-YOU'RE A FLIGHT ATTENDANT?

-YOU'RE DAMN STRAIGHT HE IS.

-OH, MY GOD!

[ SIGHS ]

-[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

-[ SIGHS ]

I'LL TAKE THAT. -UH, YEAH.

-AND HOW ABOUT A PILLOW, CAPTAIN?

-WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR STAY IN MONTANA,

WHERE BIG SKIES MEET EVEN BIGGER POSSIBILITIES.

-OH, MY GOD. HE CAME.

BE NICE.

HI.

GEORGE. -BECKS.

-OH! [ CHUCKLES ]

YOU LOOK GOOD! -YEAH.

JESUS CHRIST, BECKY. HALLOWEEN'S NOT FOR LIKE TWO MONTHS.

-[ Chuckling ] OH, NO.

NO. THIS -- THIS REPRESENTS FALL, NOT HALLOWEEN.

THIS IS GOOD FROM, YOU KNOW, THE FALL EQUINOX

ALL THE WAY TO THANKSGIVING DAY.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

-[ CHUCKLES ] NO, THEY DON'T.

-HEY, YOU. -OH!

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

OH. OH.

-HEY, AUSTIN. HOW GOES IT, MAN?

YOU GOT ANY PEANUTS THERE? I'M STARVING.

-[ CHUCKLES ] WHY DON'T YOU, UH, GO MEET RICHARD?

-WHO?

GRANDFATHER TIME OVER THERE?

-JUST BE NICE.

[ SIGHS ] GOD!

I SWEAR TO GOD,

YOU GET BETTER-LOOKING EVERY TIME I SEE YOU,

AND I JUST KEEP ACQUIRING BABY WEIGHT.

-WHAT, YOU'RE PREGNANT?!

-NO. THAT'S MY POINT.

-SO, UH, BECKY TELLS ME YOU'RE A COMMODITIES TRADER.

-YEAH. YEAH.

I GOT A KNACK FOR PORK BELLIES AND NATURAL-GAS FUTURES --

FARTING PIGS, I LIKE TO CALL THEM.

BEEN A HELL OF A COUPLE YEARS.

-SO, ARE YOU TRAVELING ALONE, OR ARE YOU WITH SOMEONE SPECIAL?

-AH, IT'S JUST ME. -OH.

YOU KNOW WHAT, SWEETIE?

YOUR PERSON'S OUT THERE.

YOU'RE GONNA FIND SOMEBODY.

I JUST KNOW IT.

-I'M NOT WORRIED, SO...

-OH, GOOD. -[ CHUCKLES ]

-LET ME GET THIS.

-SPECIAL PERSON, HUH?

LET THE PRONOUNS BEGIN.

-YOU'RE THE PRINCIPAL FOR, UH, BECKY'S SCHOOL, RIGHT?

-I'M THE PRINCIPAL OF THE SCHOOL

AT WHICH BECKY AND I ARE BOTH EMPLOYED.

THAT'S CORRECT. -MM.

-LOOK WHO WE FOUND!

-CONGRESSMAN RAYE DENIS. -HI.

-MY PLEASURE.

I'M BECKY'S HUSBAND, RICHARD.

-AH. RICHARD. IT'S, UH, NICE TO MEET YOU.

-CONGRESSMAN DENIS? SHIT.

'ROUND HERE, WE CALL HIM "PENIS DENIS."

-THAT'S NICE, GEORGE.

-EVEN BIGGER POSSIBILITIES.

[ LAUGHTER IN DISTANCE ]

-I RECKON Y'ALL ARE THE FRIENDS OF MISS LUCY.

CAUSIN' THERE'S YOU TWO BLACKS, IS HOW I KNEW.

DON'T GET MANY BLACKS AROUND HERE.

I'M SAM. I'M WITH THE LODGE.

COME ON. MISS LUCY'S GOT BEERS WAITING ON YOU.

-WHAT ABOUT TREVOR?

-MISS LUCY SAID I WAS JUST GETTING YOU FOUR

AND THE TWO BLACKS.

NOW LET'S GET.

I CAN'T BE DRIVING AT NIGHT.

-I'LL BE GLAD TO DRIVE FOR YOU, SAM.

I HAVE ACUTE NIGHT VISION,

AS WELL AS A VALID COMMERCIAL LICENSE.

-MY EYES ARE FINE, JACKASS.

BUS AIN'T GOT NO LIGHTS.

-PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR VEHICLE.

-COME ON. LET'S GET A BEER AND SHUT UP.

-YOUNGEST BLACK U.S. REPRESENTATIVE IN HISTORY?

NOW YOU'RE GOING FOR THE SENATE.

I'M PROUD OF YOU, RAYE.

-THANKS, THUMPER.

TELL ME, WHY AM I STILL SITTING IN THE BACK OF THE BUS?

-RAYE, YOU -- YOU REALLY CAN'T CALL ME "THUMPER" ANYMORE.

OH, MY GOD! -WHAT?

-STOP THE BUS!

RICHARD! OH, GOD. LOOK AT THE FISH!

-I PLAN ON PAYING OFF THE CONDO IN A YEAR.

YOU SHOULD SEE IT, AUSTIN --

23rd FLOOR, 3,500-SQUARE-FOOT CORNER UNIT.

LAKE ON ONE SIDE, SKYLINE ON THE OTHER.

OPRAH LIVES IN MY BUILDING.

BUT I'M HIGHER UP.

-I'M DOING GREAT. YEAH. THANKS, MAN.

-WHAT? -OH, NO.

I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WANTED TO KNOW HOW I WAS DOING

AND HOW MY JOB IS... -YEAH.

-...IF I'M SEEING A PERSON.

-SURE, MAN. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A STEWARD.

I KNOW THE STORY. STILL A STEWARD, RIGHT?

-OR FLIGHT ATTENDANT, YOU KNOW. WHICHEVER WORKS, BUT, YEAH.

AND MY PERSON?

-MM...

WELL, UH, THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS.

I'M ALL EARS IF I HAVE TO BE.

-I'M NOT GAY, GEORGE.

[ HORN HONKING ] -LET'S GET!

-♪ FAT GIRLS

♪ TALKING ABOUT CARDIO

♪ OH, OH, OH

♪ OH-OH-OH, OH

♪ FAT GIRLS

♪ TALKING ABOUT CARDIO

♪ OH, OH, OH

♪ OH-OH-OH, OH

♪ THEY DON'T

♪ THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW

♪ OH, OH, OH

♪ OH-OH-OH, OH

♪ THEY DON'T

♪ THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW

♪ OH, OH, OH

♪ OH-OH-OH, OH

-HERE WE GO.

WATCH YOUR STEP.

-THANK YOU.

-YOU FOLKS GO ON AROUND BACK.

I'LL GET EVERYTHING INSIDE FOR YOU.

-BECKY.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

-I WILL DO IT.

AND I WISH YOU WOULD STOP TELLING ME...

-MUST BE SOME KIND OF WILD WEST HOSPICE.

-AND THIS IS WHERE SHE PLANS TO DIE.

-I WOULD. THIS PLACE IS PIMP.

-PIMP?

-UM, IT'S LIKE "SPECTACULAR," HONEY.

-WHY COULDN'T SHE JUST SAY THAT?

-'CAUSE ENGLISH IS THE FORGOTTEN LANGUAGE...

MY FRIEND.

-OOH. -OOH.

-NICE. -MM-HMM.

-OOH!

-THAT'S SOME SHIT.

-OOH, CHEESE.

[ GASPS ] I BET IT'S COMPLIMENTARY.

-FIVE HOURS ON A BUS, AND ALL WE GET IS SOME DAMN CHEESE?

-HELLO. WELCOME TO THE HOLLAND LAKE LODGE.

-WELL, YOU MUST BE MY NEXT EX-GIRLFRIEND. [ CHUCKLES ]

-PLEASE IGNORE HIM.

[ CHUCKLES ]

-CAN WE GET INTO OUR ROOMS?

-HONEY, IS THERE A BATHROOM NEARBY?

-[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

-YOU OKAY?

-IT'S ME.

-[ GASPS ]

[ COUGHING ]

OOH! [ LAUGHS ]

OH, MY GOD. LUCY?!

[ SQUEALS ]

-OH. LUCY? -HOLY SHIT!

-LUCY! -SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

-[ SQUEALING ]

OH! LOOK AT YOU!

LOOK AT YOUR HAIR AND YOUR BODY!

OH, MY GOD. YOUR BREASTS!

-LOOK AT HER TITS. -LOOK AT YOUR BREASTS!

-AAH! -OH!

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

-WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE.

-OH, MY GOD! -WOW.

-[ SQUEALS ]

-J-- I -- HI.

-[ LAUGHS ] -HI.

-OH! -OH. LUCY.

-OH, YES. HELLO.

-UH, YOU'RE NOT SICK AT ALL, ARE YOU?

-I KNEW SHE WASN'T DYING. GOD!

[ LAUGHTER ] DAMN IT!

[ LAUGHTER ]

-OKAY.

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

-OH.

-WHOO! -OH, MY GOD.

-SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH GEORGE?

-THAT'S WHAT RAYE SAID. HE SAID HE TOOK HER VIRGINITY.

-OH, NO. -MM-HMM.

-OH, NO. -YEAH.

-[ SCOFFS ] -POOR THING.

[ LAUGHS ] -[ CHUCKLES ]

-HE'S HERE! I KNEW HE'D MAKE IT.

MOTHERFUCKIN' THREE HAD A CONCERT IN MIAMI LAST NIGHT,

SO HE GOT A LATE START.

-MOTHERFUCKIN' THREE?

GO, TREVOR.

-MOTHERFUCKIN' THREE?

-OH, IT'S A BAND, HONEY -- UH, HIP-HOP.

YOU KNOW, TREVOR PRODUCES THEM.

REMEMBER? HE WON THE GRAMMY.

-WE DON'T LISTEN TO MOTHERFUCKIN' THREE.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

IT TOOK ABOUT TWO YEARS TO GET ALL THE WEIGHT OFF.

-THAT'S WHY MY McDONALD'S STOCK WENT SOUTH.

-ALL RIGHT. COME ON, GEORGE.

-AND MY ICE-CREAM FUTURES. -DUDE.

-NO. IT'S OKAY.

HE CAN MAKE ALL THE FAT JOKES HE WANTS TO.

ALL OF YOU CAN.

NOW I REALLY DON'T CARE.

-HOW'D YOU LOSE IT?

BURNED A HOLE IN THOSE "SWEATIN' TO THE OLDIES" TAPES,

DIDN'T YOU? [ LAUGHTER ]

-[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

I HAD GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY...

THE WEEK BEFORE YOUR WEDDING, WHICH IS WHY I WASN'T THERE.

I'M SORRY.

-OH. NO WORRIES.

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE OTHERS AT THIS TABLE

THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE WEDDING EITHER.

-I WAS WITH HER, RAYE.

-NO, NO, NO. WAIT A SECOND.

YOU KNEW SHE WASN'T DYING? -YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?

-"SHE'S PULLING THE DEATH CARD. WE GOT TO GO."

-I STAYED WITH TREVOR FOR THE TWO WEEKS AFTER MY SURGERY.

HE GAVE ME 'ROUND-THE-CLOCK CARE.

I OWE TREVOR MY LIFE. -WELL...

SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GET IT IN DES MOINES, SO...

SHE GOT THE BEST MANHATTAN HAS TO OFFER.

-LUCY, WHY ALL THE STORIES?

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL US THE TRUTH?

-WHAT STORIES?

-[ SIGHS ]

HONEY, YOU SAID YOU WERE DYING.

-I'M SORRY. I NEVER SAID I WAS DYING.

I TOLD YOU THAT I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TIME.

-YOU WERE CRYING.

-WHEN DID CRYING BECOME FATAL?

-OKAY. I'LL BITE.

NOT MUCH TIME FOR WHAT?

-UNTIL I REACH MY GOAL WEIGHT.

I HAVE 4 MORE POUNDS TO LOSE,

AND I INTEND TO DO IT WITH ALL OF YOU HERE.

[ THUNDER CRASHING ]

-UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE, LUCY.

-WELL, I'VE ALWAYS HEARD THOSE SURGERIES ARE DANGEROUS.

-BEING OBESE IS WHAT'S DANGEROUS, BECKY.

-NO, SHE DIDN'T.

-MARY AND I MAY HAVE A LITTLE EXTRA BABY WEIGHT,

BUT NO ONE HERE IS OBESE.

-SHOULDN'T YOUR KID BE IN COLLEGE BY NOW?

-WHA-- SHE NEVER SAID THAT YOU WERE OBESE.

-AND I NEVER SAID I HAD ANY BABY WEIGHT TO LOSE EITHER, BECKY.

-THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT, BECKY.

I LOVE YOU.

AND, MARY, I HOPE THAT WE CAN GROW

TO LOVE EACH OTHER, TOO, ONE DAY.

BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING...

I LOVE OUR MEMORIES.

THOSE MEMORIES ARE WHAT GAVE ME THE STRENGTH

TO HAVE THE SURGERY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I MEAN, OVER THE YEARS, WHENEVER I WAS UNHAPPY,

WHICH WAS A LOT OF THE TIME, I WOULD GO BACK,

AND I WOULD LOOK AT ALL OF OUR OLD PICTURES.

AND, I MEAN, I WAS UNHAPPY, YOU KNOW,

IN A LOT OF THOSE PICTURES, TOO,

BUT AT LEAST I REMEMBERED HAVING HOPE, AND THEN...

AND THEN WHEN WE ALL SPLIT APART,

IT WAS LIKE THAT HOPE SPLIT APART, TOO, AND...

WITHOUT ALL OF YOU GUYS AROUND, I JUST...

I DIDN'T CARE ANYMORE, AND I JUST --

I JUST KEPT GETTING BIGGER AND BIGGER, AND THEN...

AND NOW I'M...

I'M GETTING SMALLER AND SMALLER,

AND IN A WAY, WHEN THE LAST 4 POUNDS ARE GONE,

THE OLD ME WILL DIE, AND...

I'LL BE SURROUNDED BY ALL OF YOU,

AND THE CYCLE WILL BE COMPLETE.

-HEAR, HEAR.

-COULD IT GET ANY FUCKING BETTER THAN THIS?

-COME ON, GEORGE. -YOU KNOW WHAT, LUCY?

OPRAH LIVES IN MY BUILDING.

NEXT HOMEOWNERS' MEETING, I'M GONNA TELL HER ABOUT YOU.

SHE COULDN'T WRITE THIS SHIT IF SHE TRIED.

-JESUS, GEORGE.

WE ALL KNOW OPRAH LIVES IN YOUR BUILDING, OKAY?

WE ALSO KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY YOU MAKE

AND -- AND -- AND HOW MANY GIRLS YOU SLEEP WITH.

-[ CHUCKLES ] -YOU KNOW WHAT, LUCY?

YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST PART

ABOUT YOU GETTING SKINNY ALL OF A SUDDEN IS?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A FAG HAG ANYMORE.

-[ SIGHS ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

-OH, MY GOD. [ BREATHES SHARPLY ]

[ Voice breaking ] DOES OPRAH REALLY LIVE IN HIS BUILDING?

[ SIGHS ]

[ Crying ] WOW!

[ SNIFFLES, SOBS ]

[ SNIFFLES ] WOW! [ CHUCKLES ]

-GOOD NIGHT, TREVOR.

GOOD NIGHT, RAYE.

-GOOD NIGHT, RAYE. [ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-YEAH?

-HEY. -HEY.

-CAN I COME IN?

-SURE.

-SWEET DREAMS, EVERYBODY.

-[ SIGHS ]

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

-THANKS, RAYE.

-AND I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT YOU HAVE LOST ALL THIS WEIGHT.

-ALMOST ALL.

-YEAH. OKAY.

HERE'S THE SITUATION.

I THINK IF YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN UP FRONT WITH ALL OF US,

WE COULD HAVE FOUND A BETTER TIME TO COME.

-RAYE...

THERE NEVER IS A BETTER TIME.

-LUCY, I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.

I'M...SO PROUD OF YOU.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

-BUT I CAN'T STAY.

LOOK, IT'S J-- IT'S JUST A REAL TOUGH TIME FOR ALL OF US,

FOR ME AND GEORGE AND AUSTIN, BECKY.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S LIFE CRAP.

BUT...

TREVOR'S HERE, RIGHT?

-RAYE, HOW LONG HAVE WE ALL KNOWN EACH OTHER?

WELL, IN ALL THAT TIME FROM WAY BACK THEN UP UNTIL NOW,

HAVE I ASKED YOU TO DO ANYTHING?

ANY OF YOU, EVER?

-NO.

-THEN PLEASE STAY.

[ SIGHS ]

PLEASE.

[ FIRE CRACKLING ]

-[ BLOWS ]

-HOW ABOUT A LITTLE NIGHTCAP?

-I'M GOOD. THANKS.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

I LOVE MOTHERFUCKIN' THREE.

-THANK YOU.

-MM.

"FED MY BITCH A BLADE" IS MY FAVORITE.

OOH, WHEN I SET THAT SHIT ON REPEAT ON MY NANO,

I COULD WALK THE TREADMILL FOR DAYS.

-TALENTED GUYS.

-MM-HMM.

RAYE DON'T LIKE ME LISTENING TO HIP-HOP.

HE SAYS IT MAKES BLACK PEOPLE LOOK BAD.

-Hip-hop makes black people look genius.

-HEARD IT. -RIGHT?

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

-SHIT.

SINCE WE'VE BEEN MARRIED,

THE ONLY BLACK THING HE'S LET US DO

IS GO LISTEN TO BILL COSBY

TELL HIS TIRED-ASS JOKES DOWN AT THE LINCOLN CENTER.

I HAD TO PUT ON A BALL GOWN. [ LAUGHS ]

-IT'S NO NIGHT AT THE APOLLO, HUH?

-MM. [ As Fat Albert ] HEY, HEY, HEY!

[ Normal voice ] FAT ALBERT IS DEAD.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? [ MUMBLES ]

-Shh. Shh.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

-BRING ON MOTHERFUCKIN' THREE!

-RAYE IS NEVER GONNA COME AROUND TO MOTHERFUCKIN' THREE.

BUT, YOU KNOW...

HE USED TO ONLY DATE WHITE WOMEN, SO YOU NEVER KNOW.

-MM.

-SORRY.

-IT'S OKAY.

I KNOW ALL ABOUT RAYE TAPPING THE MILKWEED.

BUT IF HE NOW WANTS CONDOLEEZZA RICE,

HE SHOULD HAVE MARRIED HER ASS.

[ COUGHING ]

GONNA MAKE ME WAKE MY HUSBAND.

[ COUGHING ]

[ COUGHS ]

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

[ TRIANGLE RINGING ]

[ RINGING CONTINUES ]

THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT.

[ BOTH SIGH ]

GO TURN THAT SHIT OFF.

-[ SIGHS ]

-TIME TO GO, EVERYBODY!

-WHAT THE HELL?! LUCY, COME ON!

-COME ON, EVERYBODY!

GRAB BACKPACKS!

AND GO GET DENIS!

-WHAT THE FUCK?!

-LUCY'S PLANNED A FOUR-DAY HIKING TRIP FOR US.

-UNH-UNH. YOU CAN COUNT ME OUT, MISS SKINNY THING.

MY ASS IS STAYING RIGHT HERE!

-DID HE SAY FOUR DAYS?

-COME ON, YOU GUYS. IT'LL BE FUN.

-WHERE -- WHERE ARE WE GONNA SLEEP?

-UNDER THE STARS.

-UM, BLACK PEOPLE HAVEN'T BEEN CAMPING

SINCE THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD, AND YOU AIN'T HARRIET TUBMAN.

-OKAY. NOW, LOOK. WHY DO YOU GOT TO DO THAT?

-WHAT? WHAT? YOU WANT TO BE HERE WITH ME

OR OUT THERE WITH THE BUGS?

-IT DON'T MATTER. Y'ALL GOT TO GO.

GOT A NEW GROUP COMING IN AT NOON.

BUS LEAVES IN 20.

-UH, WE DON'T HAVE CLOTHES FOR THIS.

-WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU DON'T HAVE A SWEATER WITH CAMPFIRES AND TENTS ALL OVER IT?

-I'VE TAKEN CARE OF EVERYTHING.

I GOT THESE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU, CONGRESSMAN.

-"MOTHERFUCKIN' THREE"?

-OH, NO, NO. I CAN'T WEAR THIS.

I AM NOT GONNA WEAR THIS.

-YES, YOU WILL.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

-TREVOR?

-♪ FED MY BITCH A BLADE

-TR-- [ SIGHS ] -♪ FED MY BITCH

[ LAUGHS ] LOOK AT THIS!

♪ FED MY BITCH A BLADE

-SON, THE ONLY SIGNALS OUT HERE ARE FROM GOD.

JUST KEEP HEADING EAST.

ONLY ONE TRAIL.

GOT ABOUT 8 MILES OF DAY AHEAD OF YOU.

-IS THAT A RELATIVELY FLAT 8, OR SHOULD I EXPECT MUCH OF A GRADE?

-GRADE? HOW ABOUTIN' I GET YOU A BIG OL' GOLD STAR

WHEN YOU'RE DONE?

[ LAUGHS, SNORTS ]

-IT'S UP AND DOWN.

-THIRD NIGHT, YOU'LL BE BUNKING IN BIG HORN.

BE SURE AND CHECK UNDER THE COT FILL.

DON'T WANT ANY CRITTERS TO GET FRISKY WITH YOU.

-CRITTERS?

-CRITTERS?

-UH, UM, DO YOU MEAN BUG CRITTERS OR...

"CRITTER" CRITTERS?

-MICE AND SUCH. MAYBE A SNAKE OR TWO.

YOU'LL BE LONG FRIENDS WITH THE BUGS TIMIN' YOU MAKE BIG HORN.

-SAM, NOW, WILL THERE BE CALL BOXES ALONG THE WAY?

-BECKY, IT'S THE WILDERNESS, NOT THE JERSEY TURNPIKE.

-IT'S A VALID QUESTION.

-I-I HAVE A BABY, AUSTIN.

YOU KNOW, WHAT IF THERE'S AN EMERGENCY?

-HOW OLD IS THAT KID NOW, ANYWAY?

-THAT KID'S NAME IS THURMAN.

-THAT'S REALLY GONNA HELP HIM WITH THE LADIES.

[ LAUGHTER ] -AND HE'S 54 MONTHS.

-THAT'S 4 1/2 IN HUMAN YEARS.

-GO TO HELL, GEORGE.

-IT'S OKAY, HONEY. HE COUNTS FOR A LIVING.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW, I DID NOT SIGN UP TO BE PART OF THE DONNER PARTY.

DID YOU THINK ABOUT ANYONE ELSE'S CIRCUMSTANCES

BEFORE YOU DRUG US ALL OUT HERE?

-YOU GUYS, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME.

I PROMISE. OKAY?

-IFFEN Y'ALL AIN'T AT PICKUP BY TUESDAY,

WE'LL COME LOOKING FOR YOU.

-WHAT A PERFECTLY ANTIQUATED RESCUE SYSTEM.

WE ALL FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW. THANK YOU.

-WELL, WE TRY.

I'M PROUD OF YOU.

-THANK YOU.

WE'LL SEE YOU.

-♪ HURRY UP, START A RUN

♪ YOU KNOW, I KNOW THE RULES

♪ OR DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?

♪ YOU LOOK OLD, SO DO I

♪ GUESS WE'RE BOTH THE FOOLS

♪ WITH ALL THIS TIME LEFT, WAITING ♪

♪ SOMEDAY

-AAH! -AAH!

-OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

[ LAUGHTER ]

-♪ AND SOMEDAY

-HUH?

-IT'S NOT FUNNY, TREVOR!

-SWEETIE? SWEETIE?

-♪ HOLD YOU AGAINST THE STARS

♪ HOW LONG WAS I GONE?

♪ AND DID YOU MISS ME?

♪ YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S STRANGE ♪

♪ WE'RE HERE FINALLY

♪ THOUGHT ABOUT YOU ONCE

♪ MAYBE MORE THAN THAT

♪ TELL ME, TELL ME

♪ DID YOU?

♪ HOW LONG WAS I GONE?

♪ AND DID YOU MISS ME?

♪ YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S STRANGE ♪

♪ WE'RE HERE FINALLY

♪ THOUGHT ABOUT YOU ONCE

-BUT SHE'S THE ONE WHO WAS SCREWING THE BOY BAND.

-DOESN'T MATTER.

SHE COULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING ANYBODY FROM STING TO JOHN TESH,

BUT IF YOU WANT CUSTODY WITHOUT THE COURTS, YOU GOT TO PAY UP.

-SO, HOW'S LITTLE TREV DOING?

-I WOULD HAVE PAID WHATEVER.

-SO, TELL ME, RAYE. -HMM?

-HOW'D YOU EVER BEAR LIVING WITH GEORGE?

-OH.

YEAH, IT WAS ME, AUSTIN, TREVOR, AND GEORGE.

-THAT ASSEMBLAGE OF MEN TAKES THE TERM "MOTLEY CREW"

TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. -OH.

HANG ON ONE SECOND.

YOU KNOW, GEORGE --

IT'S LIKE HAVING A PUPPY AROUND, YOU KNOW?

YOU DEAL WITH THE CHEWED-UP SHOES AND THE CONSTANT YELPING

AND THE PILES OF SHIT EVERYWHERE

'CAUSE YOU HOPE IN THE END, THE LOYAL DOG WILL EMERGE.

-BUT, INSTEAD, YOU GOT CLIFFORD, THE BIG RED ASSHOLE.

-HEY! COME ON!

GEORGE ISN'T SO BAD.

I'M SURE DEEP DOWN, THERE'S A GOOD HEART IN THERE SOMEWHERE.

BESIDES, EVERY GROUP OF FRIENDS HAS THEIR OWN GEORGE, RIGHT?

GEORGES DON'T CHANGE, AND WE'RE STUCK TO THEM

WITH THIS GLUE OF -- OF HISTORY AND SECRETS, YOU KNOW?

-KIND OF LIKE POLITICIANS.

-OOH! TOUCHé!

-WHY COULDN'T LUCY JUST [PANTING]

SWIM OFF THE LAST 4 POUNDS?

-MM-HMM.

-LIKE IN HAWAII.

DOESN'T A POOLSIDE DAIQUIRI SOUND GOOD RIGHT ABOUT NOW,

WITH A GRILLED CHEESE?

-HM.

-WHY ARE YOU TRIPPING?

OH. HE DON'T KNOW YOU SMOKE?

-NO. -[ CHUCKLES ]

NO NEED TO EXPLAIN.

WHY DO YOU THINK I KEEP MY ZOLOFT IN A PEZ DISPENSER?

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

A GOVERNMENT CHECK IS THE ONLY ANTIDEPRESSANT

ACCEPTED IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY.

-[ CHUCKLES ] YOU WANT SOME?

-OOH.

-FUNNY THING IS, I JUST STARTED SIX MONTHS AGO.

I ALWAYS HATED CIGARETTES.

BUT, UM, I WORK WITH THIS TEACHER, NANCY,

AND SHE'S BEEN, YOU KNOW,

TRYING TO QUIT USING THOSE LITTLE NICOTINE GUMS,

AND SHE LEFT ONE IN THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE.

I WALKED IN, SAW IT, AND POPPED IT IN MY MOUTH,

AND I GOT ABOUT 10 MINUTES INTO EARTH SCIENCE,

AND I CAUGHT SUCH A BUZZ.

OH, AND LET ME TELL YOU, THAT'S THE ONLY WAY

TO GET THROUGH SEDIMENTARY ROCK, BUT...

THAT GUM IS $40 A BOX.

YEAH. I KNOW. -[ SIGHS ]

-DAMN CIGARETTES COST LESS THAN THE GUM.

-WELL, WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW, DON'T HURT 'EM.

-[ CHUCKLES ] IGNORANCE IS BLISS, HUH?

-MM. IGNORANT MAN YIELD BLISSFUL WOMEN.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

SO, HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND RICHARD BEEN MARRIED?

-OH, 12 YEARS NOW.

-MM.

-YEAH. I MET HIM RIGHT AFTER COLLEGE.

HE WAS THE PRINCIPAL AT THE FIRST SCHOOL I INTERNED AT.

HE HAD JUST LOST HIS WIFE IN A CAR ACCIDENT.

-SHIT.

-MM. HE ALREADY HAD HIS PhD.

AND I HAD MY UNDERGRAD, AND...

WE WERE PRETTY ANXIOUS TO START A FAMILY.

-[ BLOWS ] SAME OLD CRACKERS FOR 12 YEARS?

SHIT, GIRL. RAYE AND I JUST HIT TWO.

AND I'M ALREADY HAVING PROBLEMS

PASSING UP A NEW BAG OF GOLDFISH.

[ Laughing ] YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

-[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] -[ SIGHS ]

-HEY, HOW IS THAT LITTLE BOY OF YOURS?

-THANK YOU FOR THE DAY GOWN.

IT WAS REAL CUTE. DID YOU GET RAYE'S NOTE?

'CAUSE HE WANTED TO WRITE ALL Y'ALL HIMSELF. MM-HMM.

-I DID. SO SWEET.

YEAH.

-SO, TELL ME...

AFTER THE BABY, DID, UH, YOUR WEIGHT GAIN

CAUSE PROBLEMS IN THE OLD SEX DEPARTMENT?

-I DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT.

-HM. WELL, IT DID WITH US,

AND THANK GOD IT DID 'CAUSE RAYE --

OOH, GOD! TOO BIG!

-SURELY NOT.

-GIRL, IF IT DON'T FIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

-OH, YOU FUCKING DOUCHE BAGS!

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

ONE OF YOU GUYS CARRY THE WINE FOR A WHILE.

-YOU'RE SO SWEATY!

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

-[ PANTING ]

-COME ON, CHICKEN OR FISH, SWITCH WITH ME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

-♪ WELL, I'M FINDING MY WAY UP OVER THAT MOUNTAIN ♪

♪ I'M GONNA GET SO HIGH

♪ GONNA FIND MY WAY UP OVER THAT MOUNTAIN ♪

♪ HAPPY JUST TO HAVE IT HERE UNDER MY FEET ♪

♪ SWEET LITTLE BABY WALKING NEXT TO ME ♪

-HURRY UP. I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR EVERYBODY.

-PLEASE, GOD. LET IT BE A HELICOPTER.

-SAY "CHEESE"!

ISN'T IT INCREDIBLE?

I KNEW IT WOULD BE BEAUTIFUL, BUT NOT LIKE THIS.

-JUST LIKE THE FUCKING BOX OF A JIGSAW PUZZLE.

-HEY, GUYS, GUYS. COME HERE!

COME HERE! COME HERE! HURRY UP!

-WHA-- WOW!

[ Laughing ] DAMN!

-WHO GETS THE BLUE RIBBON?

-YOU SHIT THAT OUT OF YOUR OLD ASS, RICHARD?

-PROBABLY A MOOSE, BISON, OR BEAR.

-BEAR? YOU DIDN'T SAY SHIT ABOUT ANY BEARS.

-BUGS DON'T SEEM SO BAD NOW.

OOH!

WELL, HELLO, THERE, OLD FRIEND. YOU REMEMBER ME?

WE MET AT THAT R.E.M. CONCERT IN '95.

-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

-LET'S JUST SAY, BEFORE THE CONCERT,

I THREW A PROPER TEA PARTY. [ LAUGHTER ]

-THEN I MADE OUT WITH YOUR WIFE.

-NO. WE ALL DID.

-WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?

-THEY'RE KIDDING. THEY'RE ONLY KIDDING.

-I DIDN'T MAKE OUT WITH HER.

-YEAH, YEAH. BUT SHE COULD HAVE.

-HEY. -SEE, RICHARD,

BEFORE YOU TURNED BECKY INTO MISS DOUBTFIRE,

WE USED TO KNOW HER AS "THUMPER" BACK IN THE DAY.

-SHUT UP!

-SOMEBODY GET SOME WATER OVER A FIRE.

-I'LL GET SOME WOOD. -NO, NO, NO. HOLD ON.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT DINNER?

-I'M DRINKING MINE. -ME TOO.

-OOH. ME TOO.

THE ONLY MUSHROOMS I EVER HAD BEFORE WERE ON A LARGE PIZZA.

-OKAY. -[ GIGGLES ]

-COME ON.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

-COME TO PAPA.

-DAMN, LUCY. WE WALKING TO BOSTON FOR THIS TEA PARTY?

-[ SIGHS ] -COME ON, MARY.

JUST A LITTLE FURTHER. I KNOW THE PERFECT SPOT.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?

-NEVER KNOW, BUT...

IT SHOULD BE SUBTLE.

-[ CHUCKLES ] THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID BACK IN '95.

[ LAUGHTER ]

-COME ON, THUMPER. TAKE A SIP.

I WANT MY KISS LATER.

-MY WIFE DOESN'T TAKE DRUGS, GEORGE.

-MINE EITHER...

EXCEPT I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY WIFE ISRIGHT NOW.

-DON'T WORRY, RAYE.

I DIDN'T SEE ANY C-SPAN TRUCKS PARKED AROUND HERE.

-SO, TELL ME, LUCY, WHY MONTANA?

WHY DRAG US ALL THE WAY OUT HERE

FOR YOUR LITTLE PSYCHEDELIC ODE TO R.E.M.?

-OH, DUDE, PLEASE TAKE A SIP OF THIS

FOR ALL OUR SAKES, WILL YOU?

-MY FAMILY CAME TO THE LODGE EVERY SUMMER,

AND EVERY SUMMER, THEY WOULD GO ON THE EXACT SAME HIKE

THAT WE'RE ON RIGHT NOW.

BUT I ALWAYS HAD TO STAY BEHIND

BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T THINK I COULD MAKE IT,

SO OVER THESE SAME THREE DAYS,

I WOULD JUST SIT IN THE LODGE WITH SAM,

AND WE WOULD... [ CHUCKLES ]

WE WOULD ROAST HOT DOGS AND PLAY CHECKERS,

AND I WOULD ALWAYS PROMISE MYSELF...

THAT THE NEXT SUMMER, I WOULD LOSE WEIGHT

SO THAT I COULD GO ON THE HIKE, BUT THEN I JUST...

I JUST GOT BIGGER AND BIGGER, AND...

WELL, I'M HERE NOW.

-SO HE GAVE A FAT CHILD HOT DOGS?

[ MUG CLANGS ]

-WE'LL KEEP THE POT HOT FOR YOU, BECKY.

[ LAUGHTER ] -THAT'S REAL MATURE, BECKY.

-[ LAUGHS ]

-UM [SIGHS] WHEN'S THE PART WE START HAVING FUN?

-[ CHUCKLES ]

-I'M SORRY.

-DON'T BE, GIRL.

IF SOMETHING GOOD COMES FROM ALL THIS, THEN...

OH, SHIT.

THERE SHE IS.

SISTER TINGLE'S KNOCKING AT MY DOOR!

[ LAUGHTER ]

-[ Laughing ] OH!

ME TOO, I THINK.

I FEEL LIKE YOU DO WHEN YOU --

YOU FINALLY GET TO PEE AFTER HOLDING IT IN FOR A LONG TIME.

IS THAT IT?

-YEAH, BUT YOU DON'T PEE.

[ LAUGHTER ] RIGHT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

-WAIT. OKAY.

EVERYBODY STAND UP AND FOLLOW ME.

-LISTEN, THIS GROUND'S FEELING SO GOOD.

CAN'T WE JUST SIT HERE, PLEASE?

-I HAVE A SURPRISE.

-WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SURPRISES, LUCY. PLEASE!

-♪ ...I WAS MISTAKEN

♪ YOUNG HEARTS WERE BREAKING

-IT'S WARM!

-GIRL, MY ASS AND FEET ARE IN LOVE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.

-UH-HUH. HEY, GET READY TO SEE SOME SUSHI-GRADE COCK, LADIES.

-NO WAY.

-DOES THAT FIT IN A HAND ROLL, GEORGE?

-[ LAUGHS ]

-LAST ONE IN SHARES A TENT WITH GEORGE.

-ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO SET UP THE TENT.

-YOU GO SET UP THE TENT.

-MARY?

-YOU THINK I'M SLEEPING WITH GEORGE?

-MARY, I AM WARNING YOU!

-CLOSE YOUR EYES, BOYS! [ LAUGHS ]

-WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!

-EITHER GET IN THE WATER OR LEAVE.

-I AM NOT GETTING IN THE WATER.

-♪ IN THE MOONLIGHT, I WAS MISTAKEN ♪

♪ I WASN'T FAKING ON MY QUEST TO LOVE YOU LESS ♪

-OH, YEAH. -HOT, HOT, HOT.

HOT, HOT.

-YO, TREV!

COME ON. GET IN THE WATER THERE, PUSSY BOY!

-TREVOR, COME ON. IT FEELS GREAT.

-[ SIGHS ]

THEY HAD TO REMOVE A LITTLE EXCESS SKIN.

-WELL, DAMN! HOW MUCH SKIN CAN YOU TAKE OFF?

YOU THINK YOU CAN [LAUGHS] TAKE SOME OF THIS?

-YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

-YOU SKINNY BITCH.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

OWN THAT SHIT.

-THANK YOU.

-ALL RIGHT, BOYS. WE COMING IN.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

-COME ON, LUCY! I SAVED YOU A SEAT!

-SLIDE BY ME, MARY!

-[ SIGHS ] COME ON!

-HEY, TREV!

COME ON. GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!

-[ SIGHS ] FUCK!

-WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! -AAH!

-WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

HE'S JUST A BABY!

-FUCK YOU, GEORGE!

-OH, LORD.

-OH, LORD.

-GEORGE, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

-HEY, LONG AS IT WORKS, CHICKEN LITTLE.

-[ MOANS ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

-MM.

-WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

-JUST WALKING AROUND.

[ LAUGHTER IN DISTANCE ]

-DID YOU DO A LOT OF DRUGS IN COLLEGE?

-NO, RICHARD.

MNH-MNH.

-I DON'T LIKE YOUR FRIENDS. -I KNOW.

I'M SORRY. IT'S...

JUST BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE'VE ALL BEEN TOGETHER.

I THINK...

FINDING OUR FOOTING ISN'T EASY.

-DID YOU FUCK ANY OF THEM, THUMPER?

BECAUSE I'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW.

-NO.

RICHARD, I TOLD YOU, THAT'S JUST A STUPID...

BASELESS NICKNAME THAT GOT OUT OF CONTROL AND STUCK.

YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN I'VE EVER BEEN WITH.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

[ SIGHS ]

NOT NOW, BECKY.

-HONEY...

YOU'VE READ "ATLAS SHRUGGED" LIKE FIVES TIMES.

-IT'S A CLASSIC.

-NO. IT'S A PROP.

DO YOU WANT ONE OF THE VIAGRA? I BROUGHT THEM WITH US.

-VIAGRA AIDS AN ERECTION, NOT DESIRE.

YOU NEED DESIRE TO GET AN ERECTION.

READ THE LABEL.

-DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE HAD SEX?

-YOUR BIRTHDAY.

-EXACTLY. THAT WAS IN JUNE.

-DON'T WORRY.

CHRISTMAS IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION, LAUGHTER IN DISTANCE ]

-I'M TRYING VERY, VERY HARD, RICHARD.

[ SOBS, SNIFFLES ]

I'M GOING TO FIND EVERYBODY ELSE.

DO YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME? -NO.

-[ SIGHS ]

-MARCO?

-POLO. -POLO.

-MARCO?

-[ LAUGHS ] -COME ON. PLAY WITH ME.

-OH-HO!

DO YOU SMELL ASPARAGUS?

[ LAUGHS ]

-[ LAUGHS ] -♪ ROLLING DOWN

-THUMPER TO THE RESCUE! [ LAUGHS ]

-[ LAUGHS ]

-OH, YES, YES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

-[ LAUGHS ]

[ SQUEALS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY! HERE I COME!

MOVE OVER! MOVE OVER!

-GERONIMO!

-AH!

-♪ WHEN WE TOUCH GROUND

♪ LOOK THERE, 'CAUSE WE JUST SCORED A TOUCHDOWN ♪

-OOH, THUMPER!

[ LAUGHS ]

-WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

-THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

-HOW YOU FEELING?

-AFTER A 12-YEAR HIATUS, PRETTY DAMN GOOD.

-AH. -[ LAUGHS ]

-MM.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

-♪ EVERYBODY TURN AROUND WHEN WE ROLL ♪

-♪ ROLLING DOWN

♪ TRYING TO GET HIGH TONIGHT

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ HIGH TONIGHT

-[ LAUGHS ]

-♪ ROLLING DOWN

-OH, I'M A FOUNTAIN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

MY VAGINA'S MADE OF GLASS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

-HEY, WHAT IS THAT?

-OOH!

-ME. -WHAT?

[ CHUCKLES ] HOW MUCH OF THAT SHIT DID YOU BRING?

-I HAD THE REMAINS OF MY SURGERY CREMATED,

AND THESE ARE THE ASHES.

-OH, JESUS.

-SERIOUSLY?

-YEAH. -THAT'S FUCKED.

-TRY BEING THE ASSHOLE CALLING ALL OVER MANHATTAN,

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO CREMATE A STOMACH.

-[ CHUCKLES, SIGHS ]

-I'VE BEEN SPREADING THEM A LITTLE BIT ALONG THE TRAIL,

AND I'D LIKE TO SPRINKLE A LITTLE IN HERE.

-"HERE" WHERE?

-IN HERE WITH YOU GUYS.

-IN THE WATER? -YES.

-I DON'T WANT TO BE SITTING IN NO DAMN BURNED-UP STOMACH WATER.

-[ LAUGHS ]

-THERE WENT MY BUZZ.

[ LAUGHTER ]

-OH, MY GOD! THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!

[ LAUGHS ]

-WE GOT TO BEAT THE SUN. -NO, NO. LET'S WATCH IT RISE.

-NO, WE CAN'T. WE HAVE 8 MILES TODAY.

-WILL YOU COME SLEEP IN MY TENT? I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE.

SHUT UP! -[ LAUGHS ]

-IT'S YOUR TRIP. -[ LAUGHS ]

-GO, GO, GO! [ LAUGHS ]

-WHOO-HOO-HOO!

-GOOD NIGHT.

-SKINNY BITCH.

-SO, DID YOU SEE THOSE NIPS ON MARY?

[ LAUGHS ]

I MEAN, LIKE, WE COULD HAVE TOSSED A GAME OF HORSESHOES.

-OH, MAN, THE SUN'S COMING UP.

AHH.

I LOVE IT WHEN THE SUN AND THE MOON ARE IN THE SKY TOGETHER.

-AREN'T THEY ALWAYS IN THE SKY TOGETHER?

-COME ON, GEORGE.

-WHERE?

-COME OVER HERE.

LAY YOUR HEAD BACK.

SEE IT NOW?

-YEAH.

IT'S NICE.

-[ SIGHS ]

GOD, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S LIKE A CELESTIAL CHANGING OF THE GUARDS.

YOU AND I ARE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE GETTING TO SEE IT.

AH.

MAN.

GOD, LOOK AT THE STARS.

YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE STARS IN L.A.

I MEAN, WE HAVE THEM, BUT YOU CAN'T SEE THEM.

I LIKE THE MOON, BUT I LIKE THE SUN, I THINK.

I-I...

BUT THEN, YOU CAN'T HAVE THE MOON WITHOUT THE SUN

'CAUSE THE SUN'S GOT TO LIGHT UP THE MOON ANYWAYS,

SO IT'S LIKE, I GUESS I GOT TO LIKE THEM BOTH.

CAN'T REALLY DO THAT. [ CHUCKLES ]

[ Sighing ] OH, MAN.

MAYBE I LIKE THE SUN BETTER. I DON'T KNOW.

GET OFF, YOU FUCK!

WHAT THE FUCK, GEORGE?!

WHAT THE FUCK?!

YOU'RE -- I-IT'S FINE! GEORGE, IT'S FINE!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO, GEORGE! COME ON!

GEORGE!

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

HOLY SHIT.

-I LIKE MINE WELL-SCRAMBLED.

-YEAH. ME TOO.

YOU GOT ANY CREAMER FOR THAT?

-THIS IS JAMAICAN BLUE MOUNTAIN.

CREAM AND SUGAR WOULD BE SINFUL.

-WELL, I DIDN'T ASK FOR SUGAR.

-SO, RAYE, HOW'S THE SENATE RUN SHAPING UP?

-WELL, THE POLLS LOOK PRETTY GOOD,

BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT COULD ALL CHANGE.

-WELL, YOUR CONSTITUENTS OUGHT TO BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL

FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITHIN THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN COMMUNITY.

YOU KNOW, SOON AFTER YOUR FIRST ELECTION,

I FELL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH WATCHING CNN.

I HEARD THIS PASSIONATE PLEA

CALLING FOR THE REGULATION OF THE RECORDING INDUSTRY.

-AH. [ CHUCKLES ]

-A TRULY COMPELLING CASE

EXPOSING THE EVILS OF CERTAIN LYRICS

AND WHAT THEY DO TO THE MINDS OF OUR YOUTH.

SEE, BECKY AND I SERVE THE PUBLIC-SCHOOL SYSTEM.

-OF COURSE YOU DO.

WELL, UH, THE BILL DIED, BUT, UH...

THANK YOU, RICHARD.

-IT WAS YOU BEHIND THE PODIUM, RAYE.

-RIGHT.

-NO, NO. WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT I COULD HAVE BLINDLY LISTENED

TO YOUR VOICE FOR HOURS AND NEVER KNOWN THE DIFFERENCE.

-WHAT DIFFERENCE?

-WELL, I MEAN, IT WAS YOU.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANY NUMBER OF REPRESENTATIVES

BEHIND THAT PODIUM.

-AH, YES.

YOU MEAN WHITE REPRESENTATIVES.

-I'M JUST SAYING, WELL DONE.

-THANK YOU.

-I THINK I SAW SOME CREAM AROUND HERE.

I'LL GO GET IT.

-MMM. DAMN, THAT SMELLS GOOD.

I'M STARVING.

-WELL, WHEN YOU SKIP DINNER...

-MORNING, MORNING.

OH. THAT SMELLS GOOD.

OH, COFFEE, COFFEE.

COFFEE! THANK GOD!

[ BAG ZIPS ] [ GRUNTS ]

-NO. THAT'S -- THAT'S RICHARD'S COFFEE.

I'LL MAKE YOU ANOTHER POT.

-IS HE GONNA DRINK THE WHOLE POT?

-NO.

NO, HE'S NOT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? DO YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

YEAH. DOES EVERYBODY WANT SOME COFFEE?

-UH, YOU OVERCOOKED THE EGGS, BABY.

-YOU KNOW WHAT? THOSE EGGS ARE FOR RICHARD AND ME.

AND SO IS THE COFFEE, BY THE WAY.

-GOOD MORNING TO YOU, TOO, ASSHOLE.

-WE AGREED TO BE ON THE TRAIL AT 7:00,

AND THAT'S WHEN I PLAN TO LEAVE.

-WELL, YOU COULD HAVE WOKEN ME UP, RAYE.

-YOU KNOW WHAT? I TRIED, MARY.

SO, HAVE FUN BREAKING DOWN THE TENT.

-SO, YOU'LL SHARE YOUR COFFEE WITH RAYE?

-SERIOUSLY. IT'S JUST COFFEE, YOU GUYS.

-OH, IT'S JAMAICAN BLUE MOUNTAIN, AND IT'S SO SPECIAL!

-WELCOME TO CAFé PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE.

-YOU KNOW WHAT, TREVOR?

IT WAS YOU AND YOUR LITTLE PARTY THAT MADE YOU LATE.

THAT IS NOT OUR FAULT.

-MMM! THESE EGGS ARE GOOD, BABY.

-GOD DAMN IT, MARY! MYEGGS!

-STOP IT!

-FUCK YOU, RAYE!

-ALL OF YOU!

YOU'RE RUINING MY FUCKING TRIP!

-COME ON, RICHARD.

-I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH THAT TENT.

I'M GONNA THROW IT IN THE FIRE. [ FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING ]

-HEY, GUYS. WAIT UP.

-DID I MAKE A BIG MISTAKE?

-LUCY, LOOK AT YOURSELF.

YOU'RE [CHUCKLES] YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

-WHAT? -Y-YOU -- LOOK AT YOU.

-NO. I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME.

I'M JUST... -[ LAUGHS ]

-I MEAN, WAS THE HIKE A BIG MISTAKE?

-OH. WAS MANIPULATING US

FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH REASONS A MISTAKE?

-I JUST WANTED TO WALK WITH EVERYBODY, YOU KNOW, TOGETHER,

LIKE I HAD IMAGINED.

-SO YOU HAD THE SURGERY FOR A THREE-DAY HIKE?

-NO. I DID IT SO I COULD GET LAID.

WHAT I REALLY, REALLY WOULD LIKE TO DO IS FUCK.

-[ CHUCKLES ] JOIN THE CLUB.

-[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

I'M A VIRGIN.

-NO, YOU'RE NOT.

-YES, I AM.

-WHAT ABOUT GEORGE?

-NEVER HAPPENED.

-COME ON.

-I DENIED IT BECAUSE I WAS EMBARRASSED.

[ SIGHS ]

I DON'T KNOW.

-YOU'RE SERIOUS.

-[ SIGHS ]

-WHA-- BEING A VIRGIN IS NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.

-OH, BULLSHIT.

I MEAN [SIGHS]

I COULD HAVE HAD SEX PLENTY OF TIMES,

BUT I WAS JUST NEVER COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO GET NAKED, AND THEN...

YOU KNOW, HAVING SLEPT WITH GEORGE --

IT SEEMED LESS PITIFUL THAN BEING A FAT-ASS VIRGIN.

-HOLY SHIT.

-I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYBODY THAT BEFORE.

[ LAUGHS ]

-I'M NOT GONNA SAY A WORD.

-MY SHRINK WAS RIGHT -- THAT FEELS GOOD.

-SO, NO MORE SECRETS?

-NO MORE SECRETS.

-SO, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HANGING HERE OR WHAT?

-WHAT?

-WELL, I JUST TOLD YOU MY BIG, DEEP, DARK SECRET,

SO YOU HAVE TO TELL ME YOURS.

-FAIR ENOUGH.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

OKAY. OH, THIS IS AWFUL.

YOU -- YOU CAN'T -- YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE.

-I WON'T.

-NO. I COULD LOSE MY JOB.

-OH, GOD, JUST SPILL IT.

-I HAD SEX WITH A PASSENGER

ON AN OVERNIGHT THROUGH ROME. -NO WAY!

-WELL, IT WAS JUST A BLOW JOB IN THE GALLEY, BUT --

-JUST A BLOW -- OKAY.

-W-WHATEVER.

I'LL SPARE YOU THE PRESIDENTIAL SEMANTICS,

BUT IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST HORRIBLE...

ALSO, IT WAS ONE OF THE HOTTEST THINGS

I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.

-OH, MY GOD!

SO, HOW DID YOU PULL THAT OFF? -[ CHUCKLES ]

-WHO WAS HE? WHAT WAS HIS -- WHAT WAS HIS STORY?

-HE?

-OH, MY GOD. IT'S COOL. WHATEVER.

WHO WAS HE?

-HER NAME WAS SUSAN.

SHE SAT IN 4-F, AND SHE SUCKED THE CUM --

-OKAY! OKAY.

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ] THAT IS TOTALLY COOL.

LISTEN, IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE...

YOU WANT TO REALLY TALK ABOUT IT,

THEN, YOU KNOW, I'M HERE TO LISTEN.

OKAY?

-WHEN -- WHEN WE --

WHEN WE LANDED, I FUCKED THE SHIT OUT OF HER!

-I KNOW. I KNOW YOU DID.

I KNOW YOU DID.

I'M JUST GONNA GO UP THE TRAIL. -OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

MM!

-HOW LONG ARE YOU PLANNING ON IGNORING ME?

-I DON'T KNOW, MARY. I...

-[ SIGHS ] WE HAD FUN LAST NIGHT, RAYE.

-WELL, I DIDN'T.

-YOU COULD HAVE.

YOU CHOSE NOT TO. YOU ALWAYS CHOOSE NOT TO.

THAT'S NOT MY FAULT.

-OH. 'CAUSE IT'S NEVER YOUR FUCKING FAULT.

-WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SWEATING THE LITTLE STUFF?

-SWEATING? NO, NO. I'M NOT SWEATING, MARY.

I'M UPSET!

I WANT MY WIFE TO ACT LIKE A LADY.

I DON'T WANT HER TAKING DRUGS OR TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF.

I MEAN, JESUS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MARY?

YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO THIS MARRIAGE.

YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO MY CAREER.

I MEAN, ALL OF THIS [SCOFFS] "CHILD" AND "GIRL" AND "PEEPS."

I MEAN, COME ON. ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING EBONICS SHIT, MARY.

-GUESS WHAT, RAYE. YOU'RE BLACK!

WE'RE BLACK! THAT'S HOW BLACK PEOPLE TALK!

-I SWEAR, I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE, MARY.

-THOSE WORDS AND PHRASES THAT YOU HATE SO MUCH

HAVE DONE MORE FOR THE RACES

THAN YOU AND YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PEEPS IN WASHINGTON EVER DID!

YOU WANT TO KNOW ME? YOU WANT TO --

YOU -- YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO I AM?

WELL, HERE. LISTEN TO THIS.

THAT'S WHO I AM.

-HEY! GEORGE!

GEORGE, WAIT UP.

WAIT. WAIT UP A SECOND.

-YEAH. -OH.

HOW YOU FEELING TODAY?

-[ CHUCKLES ] I'M OKAY.

I'M JUST TRYING TO...

SWEAT THIS STUFF OUT, YOU KNOW?

MM-HMM. YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'VE EVER BEEN SO FUCKED UP.

[ SIGHS ]

SURE IS BEAUTIFUL UP HERE, HUH?

-YEAH.

LISTEN, GEORGE, UH...

I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL WEIRD...

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED, OKAY?

-[ CHUCKLES ] WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

-LAST NIGHT IN THE HOT SPRINGS.

-[ CHUCKLES ] LIKE I SAID,

I'VE NEVER BEEN QUITE SO FUCKED UP IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

-OKAY. UM, BEFORE YOU GO INTO SOME STORY

ABOUT HOW THE MUSHROOMS MADE YOU DO SOME THINGS

YOU OTHERWISE WOULDN'T DO, I'M GONNA STOP YOU.

-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

-DON'T RUIN THE ONLY REAL MOMENT WE PROBABLY EVER HAD BETWEEN US.

-WHAT?

-I'M NOT GONNA TELL ANYONE.

AND I DON'T CARE, OKAY?

WE'RE FRIENDS, AND -- AND WE'RE COOL.

-HEY. YOU TRYING TO INCLUDE ME IN YOUR LITTLE FAG FANTASY?!

IT'S NOT COOL!

FUCK YOU!

-♪ FED MY BITCH A BLADE♪

♪ SHE'S SO FUCKING CRAZY♪

♪ FED MY BITCH A BLADE♪

♪ THAT CUNT IS CHEATING ON HER BABY♪

♪ FED MY BITCH A BLADE♪

♪ IT'S GONNA CUT HER UP INSIDE, YO♪

[ FAST-FORWARDING ]

♪ SHE WAS SUCKING ON COCK IN THE RITE AID ALLEY♪

♪ I FUCKED HIM UP♪

♪ NEXT, THEM NIGGERS SO AFRAID, SHE COMES BACK WITH♪

-♪ SORRY, BABY♪

-♪ SHUT THE FUCK UP, EAT THE BLADE, BITCH♪

♪ FED MY BITCH A BLADE♪

♪ SHE'S SO FUCKING CRAZY♪

♪ FED MY BITCH A BLADE♪

-[ SIGHS ]

THIS LOOKS LIKE A GOOD SPOT TO MAKE CAMP.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?

SHOULD I GET DINNER STARTED?

I CAN MAKE SPAGHETTI. I MAKE A MEAN RED SAUCE.

-SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

-YOU GOT ANY GARLIC BREAD? -OH.

-ALL RIGHT. SPAGHETTI IT IS.

WHO WANTS TO GO, UH, HELP ME GET SOME WOOD?

-[ SIGHS ] OH, MY GOD.

-GEORGE?

ALL RIGHT.

OH.

THANK YOU, BECKY.

IT'S GONNA BE GREAT.

-OKAY. PLEASE.

-LOOK, IT JUST SHAKES OUT. IT SHAKES OUT.

-I KNOW WHAT IT DOES. I'M AWARE OF THE SHAKING.

-BE CAREFUL. [ BEES BUZZING ]

-I GOT IT. -A LOT OF BEES IN HERE.

I DON'T WANT YOU DISTURBING STUFF.

-OOH. -IT'S NOT A CONTEST.

-NO. I-I...DIDN'T THINK IT WAS A CONTEST.

[ ANIMAL GROANING ]

-[ LAUGHS ]

-OOH. THOUGHT IT WAS A BEE.

[ RUSTLING ]

[ SNORTING ]

-D-DON'T MOVE, GEORGE!

JUST STAY PERFECTLY STILL! DON'T FUCKING MOVE!

-♪ THERE'S A GREAT BIG BEAR -WHAT?

♪ HE'S ALWAYS ROAMING FOR HIS DINNER ♪

♪ AND HE'S NOT GONNA SHARE

[ BEAR GROWLING ]

♪ TAKE A BITE OF...

[ ROARING ]

-OH, FUCK. [ BEAR GROWLING ]

[ BEAR ROARING ] -[ WAILING ]

[ BEAR ROARING ]

-AAAAAH!

COME ON!

-[ SCREAMING ]

[ ROARING ]

-♪ HE'S UNDER YOUR FEET

[ THUD ]

[ GROWLING ]

-SORRY ABOUT THAT.

[ PANTING ] THAT DAMN FELLA WOULD NOT GO DOWN.

I JUICED HIM THREE TIMES, AND HE STILL WENT FOR 2 MILES.

-WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?

-IF I WERE YOU, I'D, UH, PICK YOUR BUDDY UP

AND MOVE DOWN THE TRAIL A COUPLE MILES.

-HEY, GEORGE.

COME ON. -GET THE FUCK OFF ME.

-GEORGE, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU UP.

COME ON, HELP ME. -GET THE FUCK OFF ME!

-FINE. HELP YOURSELF UP.

-THIS IS SO GREAT!

I MEAN, COME ON. IT'S SEPTEMBER, AND I'M TASTING SNOW.

COME ON, BECKY. OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

I SWEAR, IT ALMOST TASTES SWEET.

-I'M MORE CONCERNED

ABOUT GETTING TO WHEREVER IT IS YOU'RE TAKING US.

-[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

-WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

-UM, I HAVE SOME CEREAL,

OR I THINK I HAVE SOME FRUIT IN MY PACK.

YOU GUYS ARE WELCOME TO IT. -WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHAT HAPPENED TO SPAGHETTI?

FUCK!

-IT'S DARK, GUYS.

-I CAN'T BE HUNGRY IN THE DARK?

YOU BETTER HAVE AN EMERGENCY PLAN.

-THERE'S NO EMERGENCY.

-UH, HOW ABOUT MAYDAY TO CHILI'S?

MISS THING, YOU INVITED US ON THIS LITTLE FIELD TRIP,

SO YOU BETTER BE AIR-LIFTING SOME RIBS UP IN HERE!

AIN'T THAT RIGHT, TREV?

-COME ON, MARY. LET'S JUST EAT LIGHT.

THEN WE'LL HAVE A BIG BREAKFAST IN THE MORNING, OKAY?

-WHOA, WAIT. EAT LIGHT?

MIRACLES DOHAPPEN, YOU GUYS.

LUCY JUST SAID, "EAT LIGHT." [ LAUGHS ]

OW.

[ LAUGHS ]

IT WAS A JOKE! COME ON!

YOU SAID WE COULD MAKE JOKES.

[ ANIMAL HOWLING IN DISTANCE ]

GREAT.

IT'S ME. I'M SORRY!

-FAGGOT!

[ OWL HOOTING ]

-SO COLD.

[ SIGHS ]

[ OWL HOOTING ]

[ BREATHES SHARPLY ]

I'M DEFINITELY NOT LOOKING TO HAVE ANY MORE KIDS, RAYE.

-[ Mockingly ] WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD BE AIR-LIFTING YOU

AN ELECTRIC BLANKET UP IN HERE WITH THEM RIBS.

SHOOT. THROW IN SOME GRAPE KOOL-AID.

OOH, HONEY, CHILD! OOH, BABE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, BEE-YOTCH.

-[ LAUGHS ] NOT HALF BAD.

-[ Normal voice ] YEAH. WELL, IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE FUNNY, MARY.

THAT'S HOW YOU SOUND. -HOW I SOUND?

-YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

-HOW I'M S-- NO, NO, NO. GO AHEAD.

-NO, NO. NOT -- -YEAH, YEAH, NOW, RAYE. NOW!

-NOT TONIGHT, MARY. -NOW!

OR MAYBE I SHOULD GO OUT THERE AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS

ABOUT THE REAL BLACK MAN I MARRIED.

-OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO SLEEP?

-THE MAN WHO CAME WAY DOWN CAPITOL HILL ONE NIGHT

AND STARTED SENDING THIS GIRL CHEAP CHAMPAGNE,

GOT HER GOOD AND DRUNK, TOO, AND TOLD HER HIS NAME WAS TUAN.

-THAT ISMY NAME.

-WHO KNOWS THAT, RAYE,

OTHER THAN ME, YOU, AND YOUR MAMA?

BUT BIG DICK TUAN DIDN'T THINK THAT THIS GHETTO GIRL

COULD HAVE POSSIBLY HAVE GONE TO COLLEGE,

AND HE DEFINITELY DIDN'T THINK SHE WANTED TO HAVE HIS BABY.

NO-O-O. THE SENATE HOPEFUL

WASN'T THINKING ABOUT HIS CAREER THAT NIGHT, WAS HE?

-ALL RIGHT. SHUT UP, MARY!

-I DO HOPE...

THE FALL ELECTION COMES OUT IN YOUR FAVOR, CONGRESSMAN TUAN.

JUST SO YOU KNOW...

I WON'T BE THERE.

[ TENT FLAP UNZIPS ]

-HEY. -HEY.

DO YOU WANT TO SHARE AN APPLE?

-NO, THANKS.

-MIND IF I JOIN YOU FOR A SECOND?

-I'M REALLY TIRED, SO...

[ OWL HOOTING ]

-WELL...

I'M REALLY SORRY.

-FORGET IT. COULD YOU JUST GO?

-NO. IT WAS INSENSITIVE, AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID IT.

-WELL, I'VE DEVELOPED A THICK SKIN OVER THE YEARS.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME HAVE TO.

-I'M GLAD YOU'RE GETTING HAPPY, LUCY.

THAT'S ALL I WANT, TOO. -THE POINT OF THIS TRIP WAS...

[ SIGHS ] I'M SO STUPID.

-THERE'S A LOT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

-FUCK OFF, AUSTIN. OKAY?

YOU AND THE SIX OTHER EMOTIONAL DISASTERS OUT THERE.

-COMING FROM THE VIRGIN?

WE DIDN'T MAKE YOU FAT, LUCY.

-GET OUT OF MY TENT.

NOW.

[ TENT FLAP UNZIPS ]

[ SOBBING ]

-HEY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT HAPPENED?

-MOVE OVER.

[ SIGHS ]

-UH, MARY...

WHAT'S GOING ON?

-MY TENT GOT WAY TOO CROWDED, TREVOR.

JUST GO TO SLEEP.

[ OWL HOOTING ]

-HERE. GET IN.

-WHERE YOU GOING?

-WELL...

YOU'RE WELCOME TO STAY HERE.

BUT I'M GONNA GO STAY WITH GEORGE OR LUCY.

-I COULD HAVE JOINED GEORGE OR LUCY.

BUT I CAME IN HERE INSTEAD.

-WE CAN'T DO THIS.

-DO WHAT? WE'RE JUST GONNA SLEEP, TREVOR.

-THERE AIN'T NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE GONNA GET ANY SLEEP.

-THEN I'M GLAD WE'RE IN AGREEMENT.

TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF.

-WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

-I APPRECIATE YOU IN WAYS YOU'VE NEVER KNOWN.

-GOOD NIGHT, MARY.

-[ SIGHS ]

-HEY.

-AH. I DIDN'T HEAR YOU GET UP.

YOU DIDN'T HEAR A LOT OF THINGS, DUDE.

SHE'S GONE.

I WOKE UP, AND ALL HER SHIT WAS GONE.

-SHE LEAVE A NOTE OR ANYTHING?

-NOPE.

-DID SHE WAKE ANY OF YOU?

-SO, WAS, UH, MARY WITH HER?

-NO.

-OH, I SEE HOW IT IS.

-NO, YOU DON'T, RAYE.

-LUCY?!

-LUCY?!

-WHAT? -LUCY?!

-WHAT DO YOU SEE, RAYE?

TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE! -LUCY?!

-THIS IS BULLSHIT. -OH, BUT IT IS.

I KNOW IT IS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME, RAYE.

I KNOW IT'S BULLSHIT! -LUCY, COME ON!

-LUCY?!

-LUCY?!

-LUCY?! -LUCY?!

-♪ DON'T TALK ANYMORE

♪ WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE ♪

♪ MY HEAD IS IN MY HANDS

♪ TRIED, BUT YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ THAT EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TO LET YOU GO ♪

♪ BEFORE I LEAVE, I NEED FOR YOU TO KNOW ♪

♪ THAT I'M HERE

-♪ OH, OH

-♪ ALWAYS HERE -♪ HERE

-♪ HERE -♪ OH, OH

-♪ ALWAYS HERE -♪ HERE

-♪ THOUGH YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME

♪ BABY, PLEASE BELIEVE ME

♪ I AM HERE

-STILL NO SIGN OF LUCY.

-FUCK HER. -WHAT?

-SHE'S AN ATTENTION-STARVED CUNT IF YOU ASK ME.

-YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.

-I'M TIRED. I'M HUNGRY.

I'M CONSTIPATED. MY SHINS HURTS!

I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE, ANYWAY?!

-HEY.

COME ON, NOW.

-I MISS MY SON, THURMAN.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EXPECT TO BE OUT OF TOUCH THIS LONG.

[ SOBS ]

I REALLY GOT HOW HAPPY HE MADE ME.

YOU KNOW, I -- I'VE NEVER BEEN APART FROM MY SON, OKAY?!

-IT'S COOL.

-NO, IT'S NOT COOL, 'CAUSE EVERY TIME I BRING IT UP,

YOU ALL GIVE ME SHIT FOR IT.

AND THEN I HAVE TO GO HOME

AND HEAR THE SAME THING AGAIN FROM RICHARD.

SO IT'S NOT OKAY!

-LISTEN...

IF YOU TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS, I'M GONNA HAVE TO KILL YOU.

I HAD A CONFERENCE CALL THIS MORNING.

THAT'S WHY I WAS UP SO EARLY MAKING BREAKFAST.

-HOW DO YOU GET A SIGNAL?

I HAVE ONE THAT'S MUCH SMALLER THAN THIS.

-IT'S NOT A CELL.

IT'S A SATELLITE PHONE.

MF3 GAVE IT TO ME.

WE GOT A LOT OF SHIT GOING ON RIGHT NOW.

-CAN I USE IT? -NO, BECKY.

I THOUGHT I'D SHOW YOU A TELEPHONE

AND THEN NOT LET YOU USE IT.

-[ LAUGHS ]

-[ LAUGHS ]

LISTEN, WHEN WE STOP FOR LUNCH,

YOU JUST GO OFF SOMEWHERE AND CALL YOUR LITTLE BOY.

I TALKED TO LITTLE TREV THIS MORNING.

-YEAH. [ SNIFFLES ]

-FEEL BETTER?

-YEAH. -GOOD.

-♪ OH, OH

♪ I'M HERE

-♪ I'M HERE

-♪ OH, OH

-♪ ALWAYS HERE -♪ HERE

-♪ THOUGH YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME

♪ BABY, PLEASE BELIEVE ME

-♪ I AM HERE -♪ OH, OH

-♪ ALWAYS HERE

♪ NEVER GONE

-♪ DA, DA-DA, DA, DA, DA

♪ DA, DA-DA, DA, DA, DA

-♪ NEVER GONE

-♪ DA, DA-DA, DA, DA, DA

-♪ NEVER REALLY GONE

-♪ DA, DA-DA, DA, DA, DA

-♪ NEVER GONE

-♪ DA, DA-DA, DA, DA, DA

♪ DA, DA-DA, DA, DA, DA

-♪ NEVER GONE

-♪ DA, DA-DA, DA, DA, DA

-♪ OOH

-♪ DA-DA DA-DA

-I MISS YOU SO MUCH, BABY.

NO. HE'S AROUND.

[ Laughing ] NO.

THE PHONE'S A SECRET, SILLY. [ GIGGLES ]

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU MISS ME?

'CAUSE I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY IT.

MM. [ Laughing ] NO!

[ LAUGHS ] I CAN'T DO THAT.

'CAUSE I CAN'T DO THAT. [ LAUGHS ]

I'M IN THE WOODS.

OKAY.

YOU GO FIRST.

UNZIP YOUR PANTS.

WILL YOU BUMP IT UP AGAINST THE PHONE?

YEAH. I WANT TO HEAR HIM.

'CAUSE I MISS HIM.

[ LAUGHS ]

I HEAR HIM. HELLO?

I MISS YOU. [ GIGGLES ]

OKAY. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

OKAY. IT'S GOING IN.

[ LAUGHS ]

OKAY. SAY HELLO TO HER.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH, YEAH.

I'M VERY, VERY HOT! [ LAUGHS ]

WHAT THE FUCK, TREVOR?!

[ SOBS ] FUCK!

[ CRYING ]

-WHAT THE FUCK, BECKY?!

-[ CRYING ]

-HEY! -ARE YOU OKAY?!

-YEAH.

-WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR PANTS?

-NOTHING.

-HAVE YOU BEEN CHASING RABBITS, TREVOR?

DID HE CATCH ANY...THUMPER?!

THAT'S MY WIFE, ASSHOLE!

-HEY. BRO.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I SNUCK OFF TO USE THE PHONE, AND I-I BUMPED INTO BECKY,

WHO WAS TRYING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

I SURPRISED HER.

ARE YOU OKAY?

-YEAH. I'M OKAY.

YEAH. I JUST -- I GOT SCARED.

I WAS EMBARRASSED, AND I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM.

-WELL, WAIT. YOU'VE HAD A WORKING PHONE THIS WHOLE TIME?

-GOD DAMN IT, TREVOR. I GOT TO CALL THE OFFICE.

LET ME USE IT.

-HEY.

THANK YOU.

-[ CHUCKLES ] -[ CHUCKLES ]

-YOU'RE WELCOME.

-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

-WELL [SIGHS] AS LONG AS THAT WASN'T YOUR SON ON THE PHONE...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

-NO. I CALLED -- I [SIGHS]

OKAY. I CALLED THURMAN FIRST, AND I MADE A SECOND CALL --

MADE A CALL AFTER THAT CALL.

I MADE IT -- I'M HAVING AN AFFAIR.

-I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THIS.

-HE'S THE FOOTBALL COACH AT MY SCHOOL.

THERE. I SAID IT. [ CHUCKLES ]

-I'M DEAF.

-[ SIGHS ] OH, GOD.

I'M AWFUL, RIGHT?

[ Sighing ] YEAH.

I'M AWFUL. [ SNIFFLES ]

OH, MY GOD.

-BECKY...

-[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

RICHARD'S A DICK.

-HE WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THAT, THOUGH.

-YEAH. BUT HE IS NOW.

AND YOU'RE HUMAN.

LOOK...

FRANKLY, I'M GLAD YOU STILL GOT IT IN YOU.

COME ON. FUCKING AROUND

COMES FROM EITHER SELFISHNESS OR LONELINESS,

AND YOU'RE FAR FROM SELFISH.

-THANK YOU.

I KNOW SHEILA PUT YOU THROUGH A LOT.

-NO.

YOU DON'T.

[ SCOFFS ]

LOOK, SHEILA WAS A SELFISH BITCH,

AND SHE FUCKED AROUND ON ME, BUT...

[SIGHS] WELL...

...SHE LEFT ME 'CAUSE MY DICK WAS TOO SMALL.

-[ GASPS ] TREVOR, I'M SURE THAT WASN'T IT.

-SHE PUT IT IN THE GODDAMN DIVORCE PAPERS.

-I'M SO SORRY. [ CHUCKLES ]

-AND THE WORST PART --

THE JUDGE WAS A WOMAN, AS WAS THE BAILIFF.

BUT [SIGHS]

WHEN THE DUST SETTLED, I REALIZED THAT...

ADULTERY'S A 50/50 FUCKUP.

DON'T FORGET THAT.

-WHAT DO I DO, TREVOR?

-WELL, FOR STARTERS, YOU COULD HAVE YOUR FOOTBALL COACH

BUY ME A NEW PHONE.

[ SMOOCHES ]

-THIS HAS TO BE IT.

LUCY, YOU IN THERE?!

-OH, SHE'D BETTER BE IN HERE.

-THERE BETTER BE A TOILET IN THERE, TOO.

-WELCOME TO BIG HORN.

-THAT WAS REALLY INCONSIDERATE LEAVING LIKE THAT THIS MORNING.

YOU COULD HAVE TOLD SOMEBODY.

-I FOUND SOME BEAUTIFUL WILD GREENS THIS MORNING,

SO I MADE A TERRIFIC DRESSING.

WOULD ANYONE OBJECT IF I TOSSED THE SALAD?

-UH, DO YOU HAVE ANY RANCH OR THOUSAND ISLAND?

-NO. JUST WHAT I MADE.

-THEN WHY'D YOU ASK?

-SMELLS GOOD. WHAT'S COOKING?

-SPAGHETTI.

-DO YOU NEED ANY HELP?

-NO. JUST HELP YOURSELVES TO SOME WINE.

EVERYONE GET COMFORTABLE. I'VE TAKEN CARE OF EVERYTHING.

-SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

WHO WANTS A DRINK?

-THIS PLACE IS AMAZING.

-YOU OKAY?

-YEAH. I'M FINE.

-CAN I DO ANYTHING, OR...

-NO. JUST GO GET SOME WINE.

HOW IS EVERYTHING?

-THE SAUCE IS DELICIOUS.

-THANK YOU.

THERE'S PLENTY MORE.

-HERE'S TO LUCY. -NO.

NO. ALLOW ME. I'D LIKE TO RAISE MY GLASS TO ALL OF YOU.

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

FOR YEARS, YOU ALL SET THE STANDARD

FOR WHAT I DREAMED TO LOOK LIKE, ACT LIKE, AND BE ONE DAY.

ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE LIKE ONE OF YOU.

BUT NOW I REALIZE THAT IF THAT DREAM CAME TRUE,

I COULD NEVER BE HAPPY BECAUSE I WOULD BE NOTHING

BUT A SELF-LOATHING PERSON WHO'S UNDERSEXED, RACIST,

MISOGYNISTIC, HOMOPHOBIC, A DORMANT SLUT...

AND A GHETTO-FABULOUS FAT ASS.

-EXCUSE ME?

-YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE, LUCY.

-YOU BITCH. WE ONLY CAME HERE FOR YOU.

-NO. YOU SHOWED UP.

BUT NOW I'M THE ONE WHO'S FINALLY GETTING HAPPY,

AND I'M SURROUNDED BY A BUNCH OF MISERABLE LOSERS.

-YOU SHOULD HAVE CHOSEN SUICIDE OVER SURGERY.

-AND IF BECOMING ANY OF YOU

IS WHAT IT MEANS TO FINALLY HAVE SEX,

THEN I'LL GLADLY DIE A VIRGIN.

HE LIED.

OBVIOUSLY.

-WELL, IF THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE YOU SKINNY,

WE'D RATHER HAVE YOU PUT YOUR FAT COAT BACK ON.

-[ SIGHS ]

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

-HEY.

-[ GASPS ] -SORRY.

-OH, MY GOD. -SORRY. Shh.

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? -JUST COME WITH ME.

-WHERE? WHAT?

-JUST TRUST ME AND COME WITH ME.

-RIGHT NOW? -YES. RIGHT NOW.

COME ON. -ALL RIGHT.

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME? -AH, YOU'LL SEE.

-[ CHUCKLES ] THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

OH.

WHAT...

ARE YOU UP TO?

WHEN DID YOU DO ALL THIS?

-AFTER EVERYBODY WENT TO BED.

COME ON.

-THIS IS VERY SWEET, BUT...

I'M OKAY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

-YES, I DO.

-[ SIGHS ]

I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT I SAID.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING TO ME -- EVER, OKAY?

-I KNOW.

-WAIT. IS THIS SOME KIND OF LIKE A MERCY FUCK?

I MEAN, IS THAT WHAT THIS -- -YES, IT IS.

AND I AM BEGGING YOU, PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME.

-♪ YOU'VE GOT THE CORKSCREW

♪ I'VE GOT THE WINE -UM...

OKAY. OKAY.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!

-OW.

-NO, NO. LET'S GO.

OKAY. OKAY. -HIT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN.

-♪ THEN I WILL SHARE WITH YOU THIS BOTTLE OF HOOCH ♪

♪ YOU GOT YOUR CORKSCREW

-[ LAUGHS ]

-[ LAUGHS ]

SEX ONLY GETS BETTER.

-IS THAT A PROMISE? -[ LAUGHS ]

-[ GRUNTS ] -OH!

-[ LAUGHS ]

-HOW MUCH FURTHER?!

-WHEN WE GET TO THE BUS, WE'RE THERE.

-OH, THANK GOD. WE'RE GETTING BACK ON A SCHOOL BUS!

NOW WE CAN REALLY BE COMFORTABLE AGAIN!

-WHERE'S THERE? -IT'S THE PICKUP SPOT, DUDE.

RELAX. -NO. YOURELAX!

-THE WORD "RELAX" AND THIS THREE-DAY CLUSTERFUCK

DON'T ACTUALLY GO TOGETHER.

-♪ HEY, LET US GO

♪ LET US SEE WHERE WE'RE GOING TODAY ♪

♪ ANOTHER DIVIDE

♪ THEN WE SEPARATE

♪ EVERY TIME, EVERY BREAK IN THIS SIMPLE ROAD ♪

[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]

-HEY.

HOW WAS THE HIKE, GEORGE?

-IT WAS GOOD, SAM. THANKS.

-GOOD, THEN.

-♪ MAYBE THEY KNOW

♪ MAYBE THEY SEE

♪ NOT WHAT WE ARE

♪ WHAT WE'RE BECOMING

♪ MAYBE IT'S TRUE

♪ MAYBE WE WIN

♪ BUT SOMEHOW, WE'RE BACK

♪ WHERE WE START AGAIN

-♪ LA-LA, LA

♪ LA-LA, LA

♪ LA-LA, LA-LA, LA, LA, LA

♪ LA-LA, LA-LA, LA, LA, LA

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA-LA LA, LA

♪ LA, LA, LA

-[ SIGHS ]

I'M SORRY ABOUT, UM, THE OTHER DAY.

-WHAT?

-IN THE HOT SPRINGS. THE WAY I ACTED.

-IT'S OKAY.

-YOU KNOW, MY -- MY DAD'S SICK, RIGHT?

-NO. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

YOU KNOW I WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING.

-NO, IT'S OKAY. IT'S -- IT'S -- IT'S OKAY.

-I'M -- I'M SORRY.

I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO YOU.

-YEAH. WELL, UM, ANYWAY...

[ SNIFFS ]

...ONCE HE DIES...

IT'LL BE EASIER.

-HE'S IN A LOT OF PAIN.

-THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUSHED YOU DOWN.

-THANKS.

-IS YOUR OFFER STILL GOOD?

[ SNIFFS ]

KEEPING, UH...

KEEPING IT BETWEEN US?

-OF COURSE.

-♪ WHEN WE'RE YOUNG

♪ WE SET OUR HEARTS UPON SOME BEAUTIFUL IDEA ♪

♪ MAYBE SOMETHING FROM A HOLY BOOK OR FRENCH PHILOSOPHIA ♪

♪ UPON THE THOUGHTS OF BETTER MEN THAN US ♪

♪ WE SWEAR BY AND DECREE

♪ A PERFECT WAY TO END THE WAR OF WAYS ♪

♪ THE ONLY WAY TO BE A

♪ WORK OF ART

♪ OH, TO BE A WORK OF ART

♪ A WORK OF ART

♪ OH, TO BE A WORK OF ART

♪♪ BUT IN TIME, A THOUGHT COMES TUGGING... ♪

-[ GASPS ] LUCY!

OOH! AAH! [ GASPING ]

-♪ PERHAPS NO PERFECT WAY EXISTS ♪

-[ GASPING ] [ TIRES SCREECHING ]

[ CRASHING ]

-I NEVER THOUGHT 4 POUNDS WOULD WEIGH SO MUCH.

[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO ]

-[ COUGHING ]

-[ SIGHS ]

-[ GRUNTING ]

-[ SIGHS ]

-OH. OH, MY GOD!

-[ CRYING ]

-ARE YOU OKAY?!

-[ SOBS ] I AM.

-IS EVERYONE OKAY?!

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?

-YES. I'M OKAY.

-RICHARD?!

-[ SOBBING ]

-IS EVERYONE OKAY?

-DAMN IT!

-ALL RIGHT. LISTEN UP!

IS ANYONE SERIOUSLY HURT -- BROKEN BONES, CONTUSIONS?!

HOW IS EVERYONE'S BREATHING?! RICHARD?!

-COME BACK HERE! RICHARD NEEDS HELP!

-IT'S OKAY, TREVOR.

WE'RE OKAY.

-[ SOBS ]

-YEAH. YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.

-BECKY, DON'T MOVE HIM.

YOU GOT TO KEEP HIM PERFECTLY STILL.

-IT'S MY FAULT EVERYONE'S HURT! -NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

WE'RE HURT BECAUSE THERE WAS A DEAD MAN DRIVING THE BUS.

-[ CRYING ] OKAY.

-WE'RE GONNA GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

-ONE OF YOU NEEDS TO GO FOR HELP!

-I'LL GO.

JUST TAKE CARE OF TREVOR.

[ GRUNTS ] OKAY.

YEAH. -[ MOANS ]

-I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS YET.

-[ MOANING ]

-I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M OKAY.

-OKAY. GOOD.

ARE YOU OKAY?

-I'M OKAY.

-OKAY. -I'M OKAY.

-WE'RE OKAY. WE'RE OKAY.

-WHERE'S GEORGE?

-[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

OH, GOD. -GEORGE?!

GEORGE!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. COME ON, BUDDY.

COME ON. COME ON.

COME ON. COME ON.

-TREVOR.

DRINK.

-YOU WERE ALL LIVING YOUR OWN LIVES,

MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS UNTIL I BROUGHT YOU HERE.

I'M SO SORRY.

-BECKY...

-JUST RELAX, HONEY.

-I KNOW ABOUT COACH MERRYWEATHER.

I'VE KNOWN SINCE DAY ONE.

-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

-YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING.

I HAVEN'T DONE THINGS WELL.

I'LL DO IT BETTER NEXT TIME 'ROUND.

I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, THUMPER.

-RICHARD?

RICHARD?

RICHARD?

RICHARD?

[ Voice breaking ] RICHARD? [ SOBS ]

RICHARD?

[ Crying ] RICHARD.

RICHARD.

-I WAS NOW THE THIN GIRL IN A GROUP OF VERY PRETTY PEOPLE.

BUT I FELT LIKE THE UGLIEST OF THEM ALL.

[ HEART BEATING ]

BUT THEN LIFE WENT ON LIKE IT ALWAYS DOES.

AND OUR LIVES GOT BETTER...

EVEN EASIER...

BECAUSE ALL OUR FEAR DIED ON THE BUS THAT DAY.

-♪ WITH AN ACHING IN MY HEAD

♪ I LAY MOTIONLESS IN BED

EVEN GEORGE'S.

-♪ THOUGHT OF YOU

♪ AND WHERE YOU'D GONE

-HEY, THERE'S, UH, HOT DOGS IF ANYBODY WANTS ONE.

-OOH. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE, COACH.

-MM-HMM.

-[ GRUNTS ] OH.

[ LAUGHS ] -[ LAUGHS ]

ARE YOU ALL COMING?

-WE'LL BE A MINUTE.

-♪ JUST GOT LOST AND SLEPT RIGHT THROUGH THE DAWN ♪

-YOU READY?

-[ SIGHS ] YEAH.

OH.

-ANYBODY WANT THIS?

-♪ I

♪ LET THE DAY GO BY

♪ I

♪ ALWAYS SAY GOODBYE

♪ I WATCH THE STARS FROM MY WINDOWSILL ♪

♪ THE WHOLE WORLD IS MOVING

♪ AND I'M STANDING STILL

-OH! -OH, GOD!

-OH, MY GOD! OH, GOD, OH, GOD, OH, GOD, OH, GOD!

[ SCREAMS ]

I CAN'T!

GUYS! OOH!

THESE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO LEAK!

-YOU PUT HIM IN THAT?!

IT'S FROM MY BEST SET.

-♪ I LAY MOTIONLESS IN BED

♪ THE NIGHT IS HERE

-I LOVE YOU, RICHARD!

OH! -OH-HO!

-GET ME UP, FAT ASS!

THANKS, RICHARD!

HELP ME OUT OF HERE, FAT ASS!

-♪ AND THE WORLD SPINS MADLY ON ♪

♪ AND THE WORLD SPINS MADLY ON

♪ AND THE WORLD

-WE SHOULD PUT ALL OUR SHIT IN TUPPERWARE.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

-[ SIGHS ]

-SENATOR DENIS?

-YES?

-CONGRATULATIONS ON THE ELECTION.

-THANK YOU.

-QUITE A NAIL-BITER.

-YEAH. -[ LAUGHS ]

IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?

-OH. UH, UH, NO, NO.

ABSOLUTELY NOT. -THANK YOU.

-PLEASE.

-CHAMPAGNE? -OH. [ CHUCKLES ]

WELL... [ CHUCKLES ]

-CHEERS.

I'M SUZANNE.

-I'M -- WELL, YOU KNOW --

YOU KNOW WHO I AM BECAUSE YOU DID THE...

-YES, I DO.

CHEERS.

-CHEERS.

DO YOU, UM [CLEARS THROAT]

YOU LIVE IN D.C.?

-CHEVY CHASE.

CLOSE ENOUGH.

--YES, IT IS.

-♪ I'M ON PLANE

♪ TO LEAVE

♪ HANGING IN THE AIR BETWEEN YOU AND ME♪

-[ MOANS ]

-♪ MY HEART IS BIG

-OH, SUZANNE. SUZANNE, SUZANNE, SUZANNE.

WAIT. NO, NO. JUST HANG ON.

COME HERE.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

-♪ I'VE SEEN YOU FALL

♪ AND RISE

♪ AND HIDE THE WEAKNESS LIKE YOU'RE HIDING A CRIME ♪

♪ IT TAKES YOU SO LONG

♪ TO CRY

♪ AND CLOSES MORE THAN IT OPENS INSIDE ♪

♪ WHEN IT'S ALL CRASHING IN AROUND YOU ♪

♪ AND NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU IN ♪

♪ I'LL STAY AROUND WHEN YOU GET DARK ♪

♪ LEAN INTO ME

♪ AND I'LL PUT MY HAND OVER YOUR HEART ♪

♪ LEAN INTO ME

♪ WELL, I'M JUST LIKE YOU

♪ I BLEED

♪ SOMETIMES IT HURTS SO BAD, I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE ♪

-♪ BUT YOU CANNOT SAIL A STORM

♪ AND YOU CAN'T CARRY THE WEIGHT ON YOUR OWN ♪

♪ I'LL STAY UP AND HOLD YOU ALL NIGHT ♪

♪ IF YOU JUST NEED TO LET IT G-O-O-O-O ♪

♪ I'LL STAY AROUND WHEN YOU GET DARK ♪

♪ LEAN INTO ME

♪ AND I'LL PUT MY HAND OVER YOUR HEART ♪

♪ LEAN INTO ME

♪ LEAN INTO ME

♪ WHEN IT'S ALL CRASHING IN AROUND YOU ♪

♪ I'LL WALK WITH YOU THROUGH THE R-A-A-AIN ♪

♪ I'LL STAY AROUND WHEN YOU GET DARK ♪

♪ LEAN INTO ME

♪ AND I'LL PUT MY HAND OVER YOUR HEART ♪

♪ LEAN INTO ME

♪ LEAN INTO ME

-♪ LEAN INTO ME

-♪ LEAN INTO ME

-♪ LEAN INTO ME

-♪ LEAN INTO ME

-♪ LEAN INTO ME

-♪ LEAN INTO ME