Original subtitles

♪ Bumpin' that underground. ♪

♪ Bumpin' that underground. ♪

♪ Bumpin' that underground. ♪

♪ Bumpin' that underground. ♪

♪ I bring back that sound. ♪

♪ The kind that makes you go "“Wow." ” ♪

♪ Bass hit you with the boom pow ♪

♪ I'm party rockin' with that old-school style ♪

♪ Bumpin' that underground ever since I was a child. ♪

♪ Bumpin' that underground. ♪

I'm the hero of the story.

You can tell because of the way they start out on my feet

and then move up my body to show that I'm a mighty-looking dude.

So the thing about mighty,

sometimes you just got to fake it and hope you make it.

♪ I'm a bad boy. But you can tell me how I rock. ♪

♪ Walk up in the room, the ladies they be on my job. ♪

♪ They let them bad boys. ♪

New town, new school, new opportunities.

My mom divorced my pops

and moved us across the country because he was a bad influence.

That's code for smoking weed all day every day.

My name is Thurgood Jenkins Jr.

But all my friends call me JR

I'm 14 years old with nothing but promise.

I'm breaking necks, cashin checks, and...

Oh, watch where you're going, bro.

Nice thong, dude.

Hey, new kid.

Fucking new kid.

Okay, so maybe things weren't going as well as I hoped.

But that was all about the change,

because that's when I met... - You got a problem?

Cori.

No.

And these two usual suspects: Bruce and Miles.

What's that smell?

Oh, this is just Mother Nature's finest creation.

Weed.

- Want some? - Nah.

If I got caught using drugs...

This ain't no drug.

This is a natural herb that grows from the earth, man.

Like chicken.

I mean, cilantro.

Just think of it like salad: it makes you live longer.

And makes you happier.

Is that true?

Who knows?

But it should be.

I don't know, man.

Bro, your underwear must have

been pulled so high it split your nut sack.

This will make you forget about all of that.

It's like hitting a reset button.

Sometimes you just got to say.

- Fuck it. - Yes.

I finally understood why my dad smoked weed.

It was as if with that one puff,

my troubles started to drift away.

Is that sweet, sizzling, silly stick I smell?

Am I the only one seeing a joint with a face?

That's definitely a joint with a face.

Bro.

Your mom's weed is the shit, man.

Come on, give me a hit.

Oh, that smells like a cousin.

Put it in there, child.

Nobody told me my first time

smoking weed would result in a collective hallucination.

That's going to leave stretch marks.

What do we have here?

That's a lot stronger than the shit we used to smoke in 1998.

Don't be late for class, butter cups.

From that moment on, we four became inseparable,

badass, ball-packing mother fuckers.

This is me now, a fully grown man with a full-time job.

Much has changed.

We had a black President, then an orange one.

College costs as much as a house,

but weed got a whole lot easier to get your hands on.

I work for the US Post Office.

I am a Chief Operating Package Distributor,

or a clerk if you want to be a dick about it.

I can't say this is my dream job, but I'm good at it.

And hey, Abe Lincoln worked

at the post office, so did Walt Disney

and Sherman Hemsley of the goddamn Jeffersons.

Let's see, what do we have today?

What do we have today?

Hey, guys, this next-day air is

fragile, so handle it with care.

Please? Thank you.

Who's going to get it out?

Miles may look like your standard geek economy side

hustler, but his dream job is to be a stand-up comedian.

Problem is he suffers from stage fright, so for now,

he just tries out his new material on his customers.

What's the difference between

a hippie chick and a hockey player?

Hockey player showers after three periods.

Hmmm.

Rate me five stars.

One star.

Asshole.

Actually, one of my better shows.

Bruce is a weed genius

and thinks we should start a dispensary together.

We just need to find a location, pick a name, and all the other

things you need to start a business.

Until then,

he's working as a security guard slash snack whisper.

Purple Punch.

You're going to want volume munchy's.

- Goldfish. Isle two. - All right, thanks, man.

Enjoy.

Hey, so I got this hybrid.

Just a moment, ma'am.

Spidey senses are tingling.

Excuse me, sir.

I'm going to need you to drop

your pants and give me that meat.

What?

That sounded different in my head.

Man, you ain't going to do shit, grocery bitch boy.

I'm about to walk out the door

because you ain't got the balls to stop me.

Really?

Speaking of balls.

Yeah.

Yeah, who's the bitch boy now, huh?

Cori is a full-time content creator

with the hopes of becoming a successful entrepreneur

in the only sport where everyone wins.

Ladies, declare victory in the battle for erotic

pleasure with my line of sexual weaponry.

We've got them.

Pound your panty hamster

into blissful submission with my WMDs.

Whip into night delight.

The Pucker Buster.

Shiva the destroyer. Tomahawk.

And for double trouble, The Twins!

Free lubricating gel for the first 100 orders.

Declare Double V with vaginal victory, with Wargasm.

Eat that world.

- How did it go? - Great.

Posted on six platforms, streamed on my Twitch.

I'm thinking Fortune 500 by the end of the year.

- Fuck yeah. - Yeah.

You're like a hoarder, but for jobs.

Yeah.

What up? What up you all?

Hey, have any of you all seen my split case?

- No. - No.

It's always in the first place that you look.

You mean the last place you look?

I haven't been able to find it all day.

- My dad gave me that case. - Oh, shit.

Got it.

My dog.

Okay, this shit is about to turn up right now.

- Let's go. - Oh, boy.

I'm going to give you one guess

as to what I have in this beautiful little case.

- A tiny camera? - No.

I don't know, man. But has anyone ever told you

that you look like Kirkland brand Tom Holland?

I get that a lot.

What is the rarest,

most expensive, downright mythical weed that you can name?

- Go. - Thai Stick.

- Tobango. - Maui Waui.

Oh, no.

Okay, how many types

of smokable cannabis plants are there?

Two.

Indica for body, high sativa for mind.

Wrong. That's what most people think.

But the high priests of High Times magazine have

written about another ancient strain of weed.

Not only does this affect your

mind and your body, you feel the high from this

ancient strain in your mother fucking soul.

Oh, I need to smoke that immediately.

My soul is shady as fuck.

Yeah, it is.

Okay, I give to you,

Biblica, the goat of weed.

Bullshit. There's no way that's real.

That's just some fairy tale,

stoner myth, like an attractive truck driver.

Nah, y'all.

Actually, I heard my dad talk about Biblica once.

He would say, Son, one day if you're a good boy,

maybe you'll get to smoke Biblica.

Look, my dad had a one-track mind, all right?

But I'm pretty sure Pop smoked it.

Your dad is where you get your cool genes from, bro.

That's a fucking fact, Jay.

Sometimes I put my dad's jeans in the dryer and I just hold

them because then it feels like he just left.

Sometimes I feel like I need to hold you.

Oh, that smells heavenly.

All for one...

and one for mother fucking all.

Why so funny?

I am Kabasi!

Kabasi.

Fucking raccoons, man.

JR!

It's me, Gandalf, lord of the crunch.

JR, it's crunch o'clock.

Oh oh, yeah!

All righty, you all ready to amp this up?

What the hell you got going on?

Next level, baby.

The fuck is that?

This is the holy trinity.

It's when you combine each

of the three strains of weed and you smoke them at the same time.

Legend has it that when you

smoke the Holy Trinity, it allows your spirit to elevate

to places that no mere mortal could ever go.

No way that's real.

Check this out.

Potlord.com,

the holy trinity,

a triple joint with all three

main strains together that only the chosen one can smoke.

All others who try shall die.

They're liars.

No one's ever died from smoking weed.

It's just some internet disinformant bullshit.

- Yeah. - Like Candy Man, right?

Just another urban legend.

Because nothing happens if I say Candy Man.

Candy Man.

We don't want some mo-fo to gut us like trout.

- Oh, my God. - Dudes, just relax.

There's not a mirror even close.

And there was a virgin present.

Okay, you guys, look at this bad boy.

I'm going to go first.

Oh, my God. Are you okay? Bruce?

Say something. Bruce?

Oh, shit.

Yeah, you got us.

I'm too high for this.

Don't act stupid.

Bruce, my fucking table!

Bruce, Bruce.

Hey, man, say something, bro.

Bruce, hey, buddy.

Come on, we're here.

We're here, man.

Thank you for being so cool.

Your friend died of a weed overdose?

I smoke weed every day and never overdose.

No, but that's the truth.

He smoked something called the holy trinity joint.

What the fuck is a holy trinity joint?

- It's when you combine- - I don't give a fuck.

You asked.

That is a rhetorical question.

You brought the wolves over to my house.

I'm running two brothels, a chop shop,

and an unlicensed nail salon.

I can't have people dying in my complex.

It's bad for business.

And plus you are late on the rent, so get the fuck out.

Actually, we paid you all the rent yesterday.

What kind of Jedi mind trick bullshit are you playing with me?

You didn't pay me shit yesterday.

I thought it was going to work. Sorry about that.

Listen up, mother bitches.

I'm going to be back in 24 hours.

You and all your shitty shit

better be gone or I will kick your ass and change the locks.

Weed overdose. Ha!

Fuck you.

Hey man, fuck you too.

I can't believe Bruce is gone.

I know.

It doesn't feel real.

What did Bruce say to you before he died?

It was like p-p-p-p-p-pass or something.

He said p-p-Passaic.

Passaic, New Jersey?

Like where he's from?

It's also where his parents are buried.

So he wants us to bury him there.

Don't worry, Bruce.

We'll get you back home no matter what it takes.

How the hell did you find this place?

It's Five Stars on Yelp,

and it was the only one the comments section didn't link

to a subreddit about the merits of necrophilia.

It doesn't look cheap.

It smells like dead people.

More like onion rings.

I'm never having onion rings again.

Either I'm high as hell or

there is an angel walking towards us in slow motion.

Hi, I'm Trisha Mitchell, the funeral director.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

What loss?

Oh, yes, our friend passed away.

As I understand it,

you need to have your friend Bruce's remains prepared

and shipped across the country to Passaic, New Jersey?

Yeah, and we don't have a lot of money.

We don't have any money.

Well, we have some money.

Okay? Collectively, as a group. I do all right.

Right now I'm using a grocery bag as underwear.

Yeah.

Right.

Okay, all in all, the total will be about 40,000.

Excuse me?

Yeah, I know it's a lot,

but keep in mind that transporting the deceased

across the country is a big deal.

Okay, what if we just drive him

to New Jersey and then we just bury him ourselves?

My mom, she's got all these

ex-boyfriends that live in Jersey.

We could just bury him in the back.

The yard is small. I've been there.

Yeah, it's done in a cool way.

We break his back so it's smaller.

What are we, the New York mob?

My last name is Jenkins, not Soprano.

Okay, can we just think about it

and talk it out and get back to you?

You guys are funny.

Okay, be aware that you do only have

14 days to claim the body or the Bureau will cremate your

friend and dispose of his remains in a county grave.

Damn.

Okay, well, thank you for the information.

Yeah.

Whatever you need, I'm here to help.

- You're going to be right here? - Right here.

All right.

Mother fuckers.

They're just gonna burn him and then

bury him with a bunch of randoms?

Unless we come up with $40,000 in 14 days.

I thought you said this place was cheap.

Well, it's cheaper than the other ones.

It doesn't matter.

We're going to get the money.

Somehow, some way,

we're going to get Bruce back home.

Yeah.

I'll let Trisha know.

I bet you will.

- Hey, come on now. - For Bruce.

Bruce.

For Bruce.

- I want to get laid for Bruce. - Yeah, me too.

Hey.

- I hope I'm not interrupting. - No.

Ummm...

We're going to do it.

We'll get the money.

Okay, great.

Yeah, I just have one question.

Do dead people smell like onion rings?

Onion rings smell like onion rings.

You want some?

Oh, for sure.

I thought I was in here tripping.

- Take one. - The aroma in here is potent.

You know?

So, like working with dead people, huh?

You know what? I actually do.

Yeah, it makes you appreciate life a little more.

Mm-hm.

But my favorite part is at the end of the night when

everyone leaves, I just give all the dead guy's hand jobs.

And if you do it right, they bust dust.

Sorry.

I'm joking.

Okay.

- Oh, ma'am. - Got you.

- You got me good. - I have a weird sense of humor.

Sorry.

Okay, so if you go to our website,

you can just browse all the casket choices

and my personal info is on the back.

Oh.

Okay.

Thanks.

I'll reach out.

I'll call you.

Okay.

Why can't we just stay at your mom's place for a few weeks?

Bro, you know we ain't spoke

since she kicked me out for smoking weed.

Come on.

Who is it?

Hey, Mom, it's me. It's just Miles.

- What do you want? - It's just that my friends and I

we just need a place to stay.

No, you can't stay here.

It's just for a few days, though.

If we could just-

look, man, your mom said you can't stay anymore, dude.

Sorry. I'm sorry, but who are you?

I'm the man that's fucking your mom right now.

Oh. Like you guys are dating or you

were literally just doing sex in my mom?

Literally, I just had my thumb up your mom's ass.

Okay, that doesn't smell like anything.

Oh.

- That's my mom's hole. - Damn!

Mommy, are you okay?

Hey, prove that you're with Miss Thomas.

Miss Thomas's middle name is Barbara, girl.

Bro, you could have got that from her driver's license.

She also has the letter M tattooed on both ass cheeks.

So when she bends over it says "Mom."

Or when she's laying on her back, it says "Wow."

Wow, Miles, your mom is a freak.

She's my freak, boy.

Mommy, are you okay in there?

Miles, I told you when you

graduated high school that you couldn't live here anymore.

You never did any of your chores.

You smoked all my weed, even my roaches.

And now not only do you have

the nerve to ask me if you can stay here, but you bring two

other mother fuckers that you know I don't like?

- Hi, Miss Thomas. - Hi, Miss Thomas.

I'm so sorry, Miles.

If I could fire you as my kid, I would.

Bye!

- Somebody's fired, huh? - Come on.

Tell you the hell off.

Mommy.

Damn. Guess we're sleeping in the car.

Well, no. Can we at least try my mom's house?

Why didn't we just do that shit in the first place?

Instead of seeing my mom all greasy like that?

Because then we wouldn't have

known your mom was fucking the predator.

Come on.

JR?

JR, what are you doing here? Are you hurt?

Oh, no, Mom.

We just need a place to stay.

The prodigal son returns.

Come on in.

Sweet little Bruce?

Yeah, it was kind of an overdose.

He smoked a combination of three super strong strains of weed.

Holy shit.

What have I always told you about weed, JR?

You never believed me and now poor Bruce.

And he asked us to bury him with his parents.

Whoa, that's heavy.

And then our landlord kicked us out.

So please, Mom, can we just stay here

for a little while just until we save enough money to bury

Bruce's body and find a new place?

Let me guess.

You don't have any money saved up

because you spent it all on marijuana.

I don't spend all my money on marijuana.

Liar.

You don't not spend all your money on marijuana.

Facts.

JR

When are you going to find your purpose?

You're high all the time.

You have no direction.

I can't remember the last time you had a girlfriend.

Okay, I just don't want you to end up

a burnt out loser like your father.

Okay, you all can stay here.

Yes!

- Temporarily. - Okay.

And here is the law.

No smoking weed.

- You feel me? - Yes, ma'am.

Got it. Just edibles.

No, no edibles.

No drugs of any kind.

Okay, fine.

Okay, that's the enthusiasm you

have for me letting you stay in my house?

Fine.

What is wrong with her?

Love you, Ma.

I'm going to work.

Black ops.

We got you a legal weed for your legal needs.

Feeling stressed about your 401K?

You need to get faded after

putting Little Chad and Chastity to bed?

Black ops.

We got every strain for your membrane.

Get lit.

At these prices, legal weeds should be illegal.

We got 14 days to come up with over $39,000.

That's a whole lot of bread in a short amount of time.

- We could breed, Zig and Zag. - For pets?

Or meat.

Depends on the customer.

The decision from HR is final, Curtis.

- So you're fired. - Fired?

I've been working here for 15 years.

And this is your second violation for sending

provocative pictures to your coworkers.

They're wanting to see what I'm working with.

According to both ladies, neither wanted to see that.

Man, I need this job. I'm broke.

I spent all my money last week on this Gucci belt.

Not even real Gucci.

And I was trying to stunt

for the gram, thirst trap these bitches.

I don't know what that is.

I bet you you wouldn't you Mr. Rogers

looking mother fucker. You know what?

I was about to quit this job today anyway.

- Curtis. - No, don't Curtis me.

Do not.

You with the bullshit.

Curtis, I am calling the police.

Yeah! Yeah!

Fuck this job.

Worldstar!

- Yeah. - Hold, please.

Why are you calling the cops? Just let him go.

Are you calling the police on me?

Uhh...

- Fuck you. - What?

Fuck you. Fuck you.

You're cool.

And fuck you. I'm out.

Watch your bitch ass.

Well, that was something, huh?

Yeah, this one is fragile, sir.

You might want to do something with it.

Yeah, you might want to clean this shit up.

I'm taking lunch.

Thanks, Thurgood.

All right you all, you heard him.

Let's clean this shit up.

I hit a lit.

The ganja gods had blessed me with boxes of Biblica.

Biblica.

And for whatever reason... Glow sticks.

Y'all are some weird mother fuckers, man.

Now, I had two options.

I can to do the ethical thing.

Pack the weed back in their original boxes and make sure

they got to their proper destinations,

or...

Is it because you're fucking my mom..

What the fuck? You all can't smoke in here.

You don't even have a window open.

Relax. Cori figured out how to get

the security cameras on our phones and I didn't open

the window because, ta-da, found an air purifier.

It's not even plugged in.

I knew it...

It doesn't matter.

My mom is like a weed bloodhound.

She could smell the tiniest drop of blood in the water.

Oh, so she's more like a weed shark.

Okay, semantics. Stop smoking weed.

JR, what the fuck? That's all we had.

Not anymore.

Here.

Is that?

Hell, yeah.

Biblica.

My boy, Curtis, went postal at work.

Hopped on a forklift,

knocked over all the packages, and then boom, voila.

I found this.

It must be five pounds.

Oh, my God.

We can make so much pot brownies.

No, Cannabutter.

No, lube.

Oh, marijuana lube.

Oh, JuanaLube.

Not an awful idea, but I can do you one better.

We can sell the shit out of this weed.

Raise the money we need to get

Bruce's body back before they cremate him and still have some

dough left over to move out of my mom's house.

No, we don't have a license to sell, okay?

We'd be doing this illegally.

Fuck a license.

Guys, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

We raise the money and we're done.

Damn, I'm fucking in.

Okay, for the record,

I think this is a horrible idea, but I'm in.

First, we need a plan.

Welcome to how to start a business.

First step for any new entrepreneur,

know your product.

Yo, eyes on the road, man.

You better hit this again.

Yo, I'm good.

Oh, this is definitely Biblica.

Motherfuckers!

You're blocking the sidewalk, you fucking assholes.

Step two, advertise your product.

We tried selling Biblica on the dark web,

but that was straight sus.

This is criminal behavior.

What the hell?

- That's not good. - Is that a helicopter?

Oh! Shit!

- No! - Help!

Oh, hell no.

So instead, we decided to use social media

like all the other drug dealers.

Step three,

packaging your product for distribution.

Good morning, sweet boy.

Good morning, momma.

How's the apartment hunt going?

Oh, still hunting.

Well, time's a ticking.

You better be hitting it today.

Oh, momma, I could promise you

we will be hitting it today for sure.

Good.

Now you're ready for the fourth and final step,

sell that shit.

Wassup, you looking for Heavenly High?

Don't go smoking too much.

Don't get carried away.

You got the cash?

Let's see that Biblica.

That Biblica shit is good, right?

You're all right.

Heey!

What's up?

What's up, Palenta?

Well, if it isn't my fourth grade teacher.

Gotcha.

Yo, what's up?

I got the stankiest of the dankiest, my man.

Heavenly High yet you're high.

We have a gentlemen here, you know,

still worried about skin cancer.

The sun, really, the silent killer.

Holy shit!

You're Jeff Ross, like the roast master.

I mean, dude, you are literally my favorite comedian.

Oh, man, thanks.

Right next to Dave Chappelle,

Pryor, George Carlin,

Hallie Wong, Sarah Silverman.

As much as I'm enjoying this,

I really just want to get my weed and get out of here.

This is heavenly!

Yeah, so I also...

I also do...

Well, I guess I'm trying to do stand up.

Oh, cool, man.

Hit me with your best joke.

Like here?

Yeah, come on, man.

Tell me your joke.

Okay, so there's too many flavors of chips these days.

I mean, you got sour cream,

and if you're a stoner,

you just want... You don't need all these flavors.

Look, you're a regular Bill Cosby

because you're putting me to sleep.

Okay, yeah, sorry, yeah.

I was, like, a little bit nervous.

Nervous?

I could smell your flop sweat from here.

And why the hell are you trying to impress

this broken-down Bruce Willis?

That's good. That's good.

Hey, you should take lessons from your mom.

It's Jeff Ross.

Okay, Roastmaster.

Yeah, I know who I am.

Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah.

Knock knock.

A knock knock joke?

What's your name, man?

Miles.

Miles,

as in please stay miles away

from a fucking microphone.

Who's there?

Door.

Door, who?

Open the fucking door, Miles.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Yeah.

I would love to open for you sometime.

I got something to cheer you up.

Smell it.

No!

Smell it.

No, mom, no!

Biblica was selling so fast,

we could barely keep up with the orders.

Word on the street had Heavenly High

in everyone's mouth and everyone wanted a taste.

We were one step closer

to hitting our goal and getting Bruce home.

Business was good.

Maybe too good.

- Diesel! - Brittany.

How's my favorite entrepreneur?

Muah! Muah!

I'm good. How are you doing?

I am ready to spend some money.

Well, you go do that.

All right.

There he is, Bradley.

My man, Tie Dye taking care of you?

All right, good looks.

LDEE, come here.

This place is fucking empty.

Do something.

You mean like do something do something? - No.

You're my eyes and ears on the streets.

So get your eyes and ears on the streets.

Right now?

Plus it's kind of hot outside, you know?

Maybe we wait till sundown, right?

The streets ain't up till night time anyway.

You know what I'm saying?

Hey, guys, do you have any of that Biblica?

I hear it's fire.

Biblica? You know what?

We just sold out.

Hmm, too bad.

LDEE!

Meeting. Now.

LDEE?

Biblica.

Why am I only hearing about it now?

That's just some urban legend bullshit, man.

Biblica ain't real.

Not real? Interesting.

My customers seem to think it's real.

Okay.

Studio A's taking a hit.

But look at studio B. We are good.

We forcing, baby.

We're not good.

I don't take hits.

I'm paying a hipster cannabis barista.

I have a matcha machine, an incense machine.

I pay federal, state and local income tax, utilities.

I've got so many hands in my pockets,

I can't find my own dick.

Someone's muscling in on my territory.

We need to send a message, LDEE.

You find these Biblica selling motherfuckers now!

I lost my temper when I shouldn't have.

One week had passed

and I finally felt like I had enough money

to take Trisha out on a date.

You know, you just got a sense of humor.

Oh, wow.

Thank you so much.

This looks fantastic.

Thank you.

You want a bite before I start getting busy?

Oh, no, I'm okay.

I'm primarily vegetarian, with just a little bit of fish.

I mean, you ever smell bacon in the morning though?

I don't know if I can live without pork.

I know I can.

Yeah, when I was young,

I experienced my first burned body.

Real quick, you wonder why the tribes

in the French Polynesia use the term poa o'ao or long pig?

Because apparently a piece of human charred thigh

smells and tastes exactly like pork.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to...

Girl, it's okay.

I was full off the salad anyway.

Look, it's your work. I totally understand.

Yeah, work is my life.

Speaking of, did you and your friends got the money yet?

Because, you know, the clock is ticking.

Yeah, yeah, we started a crowdfunding page.

Send me the link, I'd love to donate.

You're so sweet.

Thank you,

but you know, the link is temporarily down.

We're just doing a little maintenance on the website.

Um...

You ever notice how much these potatoes

look like ping pong balls?

God. Or eyeballs?

Did you know that when you fall from over 30ft

your eyeballs just pop out of your head?

No, I didn't know that.

And then they dangle out of bloody sockets.

It's insane.

Um...

I'm going to go to the restroom

if you excuse me for...

I'm just going to wash my hands.

Is it okay if I take your potatoes?

You can have as much of all of this as you would like.

- Thank you. - Okay.

All right, no problem.

You're going to be here when I get back?

Right here.

Damn it, Thurgood.

Calm down.

Just smoke this weed, go in and be cool.

Are you okay?

Oh. Yeah.

- Hi. - Hi.

I was coming back.

I just needed to get some fresh air.

I'm sorry.

When I get nervous,

I just talk about work and it tends to,

you know, make people go away.

That's okay.

I don't mind.

You smell that?

I don't smell nothing.

You smoking weed?

No.

Yes.

Damn.

I'm sorry.

Why are you sorry?

I just...

I'm sorry I lied and I didn't want...

I don't know, I didn't want you to get mad at me or too upset.

You know?

My mom divorced my dad for smoking too much.

My ex-boyfriend lied to me and kept secrets.

All I ask is if we're going to hang out,

don't lie to me.

Deal?

Deal.

Now pass that shit.

Do you smoke?

Yes, I smoke.

Oh, shit.

I'm warning you, this shit is gas.

Oh shit, take your time with it.

It's all right, put your hands up.

See, that's what we do.

Put the hands up and we just thank the heavens for the high.

Hmmm. Might work.

What do you think about this as my standup persona?

Insecure, neurotic dipshit.

I don't know.

You think I could pull that off?

We're selling the tits off of Biblica,

but my Wargasm line is DOA.

I don't get it.

Like having the power of self-pleasure

and claiming your own orgasm whenever you wish,

that's empowerment.

Wow.

Not only does that make me

one of the most powerful people in the world,

but I just empowered myself in JR's mom's room.

A-ha. Sick.

Holy shit! We did it.

We have enough money to bury Bruce.

I'll hit JR, let him know the good word.

Pizza delivery.

Uh, did you order a pizza?

No, but I love a delicious mistake.

Unlock it.

Y'all Heavenly High?

Uh, yes.

I mean, unless you don't want us to be.

Y'all the motherfuckers selling that Biblica weed?

Chill out, Dr. Phil.

First of all,

don't bumrush us like this.

If you want some,

you're gonna have to place an order online

just like everyone else

during business hours.

Do we look like we give a fuck

about your hours of operation?

Now which one of you is in charge?

Well, I mean, I guess I never really want to put,

like, labels on our positions,

but if you're going to put a gun to my head,

then I would say I'm the CEO.

Whoa. The fuck?

I set up the distribution and I do the bookkeeping.

This business wouldn't exist without me.

I'm the CEO.

Great.

Okay. I'll kill you first.

You misheard me.

Miles is the CEO.

Miles goes first.

No, I mean, come on.

Do I look like someone that could be in charge of anything?

I had to repeat the first grade four times.

They told me I had to go to a special class that was in a trailer.

I thought it was special, but it was for different kids.

Come on. No, Jr.

JR is the one that's in charge.

All right, who the hell is JR?

Umm...

Wait, wait, no, I know you.

Yeah, you're the black ops guy.

You have that really expensive weed.

Oh yeah.

Too expensive, huh?

Put it in my suggestion box.

Now where the fuck is J fucking R?

Oh, we can't really say.

I can't. It's my boy.

Oh, shit.

Wassup, wassup, wassup, party people?

Whoa. Wassup, wassup?

- What's going on here? - All right.

Nobody sells dank

on Diesel's turf without going through Diesel.

Especially not the stankiest thing.

Now, word on the street is you're selling Biblica.

And I know there ain't no such fucking bullshit.

Oh, nah, man, Biblica is real.

Oh, yeah?

Who's your source?

No one.

I work at the post office.

I'm the chief operating package distributor.

Okay, listen, box boy, I...

I found the weed.

How much did you steal?

Five pounds.

These fucking weed thieves.

All right, $30,000 is what you owe me.

Call it territory tax, all right?

Uh, so...

Your mom.

Damn.

Can we just talk about this later maybe?

How about you lower the gun?

One.

- Why are you counting? - Two.

Please. Okay.

- No. - Three!

- Two! - Wait, wait!

Take it!

Damn it.

Oh, I did not know we were expecting company, JR.

You know, mom, neither did I.

You must be JR's mom.

He always speaks so highly of you.

Yeah, we're work associates.

Oh, from the post office?

He's very dependable, always does what he's told.

Mm-hmm.

That is so good to hear.

Thank you.

I suggest you find another box of that Biblica.

And I expect another $30,000 next week

or else you're dead.

Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

Well, got to go, mom.

Great meeting you.

Bye.

- Beautiful decor. - Oh, thank you.

- I did it myself. - You're a genius.

Thank you.

They are so nice.

You should have your work friends over more.

Hey, baby, you want some pancakes?

I wish I could.

They smell great, but I got to get to work.

Hey, give me a bite.

Get your own.

Okay. Come on, guys.

I'm sorry.

Hey, JR.

I just want to tell you how proud I am of you.

Oh, mom.

You're staying off the weed,

which is something your father could never do.

And, I never told you this before,

but weed was really starting to mess with his head.

He started to talk all crazy about some mystical weed

and how he was the chosen one.

- He said that? - Yeah.

He was straight up tripping.

Which is another reason why I had to get you out of there.

But look at you now.

You're doing so great.

I just wish you would do it in your own apartment.

Yes, ma'am.

And remember to take Thing One and Thing Two with you.

Give me some.

Guys, please stop playing with your food.

My mom's gonna whip all of our asses.

Thank you.

And take this in case you get hungry.

- What is that? - Oh, black beauty.

Why does it have a name?

Here you go.

Okay, so you got the banana and...

You know what, Cori?

Please stop letting my mom play with your toys.

She strong armed me for it, JR.

It's called healthy sexuality...

- I love you. Goodbye. - Bye.

I'm going to lunch.

Keep an eye on things, Thurgood.

You got it, Dick.

You know it's Richard.

Again, is it, though?

Okay, have a good one.

Drive safe.

With Diesel on our ass,

finding more Biblica suddenly turned into a life or death situation.

And it was all up to me and my nose to find it.

Talk about a spliff in a haystack.

Nose, don't fail me now.

No...

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

It's all right. You coming with me.

And you, too.

The human body is a really incredible thing.

Did you know she was a classically trained dancer?

No.

Top of her class.

Mr. Shadow.

What could possibly be so urgent

that you would interrupt Ms. Shaquana mid performance?

Some of our packages aren't making it to their final destination.

Mm-hmm.

And what packages might these be?

Biblica.

Shaquana, my dear,

I'm afraid we'll have to pick this up another time.

Daddy needs a little me time.

Gotta think this through.

It's believed only Shuang Zhong Baghita

or the chosen one could survive smoking these three strains of marijuana.

- Weird. - What?

That llama looks just like you.

The Shaolins forbade the smoking of the three dragons.

Like, not even a little bit.

Look at that man's head.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, I need to run an errand real quick.

Okay, every night you get a text

and then say you have to leave.

So is there another woman?

Trisha, no.

You know I don't get down like that.

Okay.

Is this the sex thing?

Because I told you I have to trust you

before I let my freak out.

No, no.

Feel free to freak when you freaking feel like it.

You know what I mean?

Hey.

2 grams.

1245 Moorpark Ave.

Oh, my God. You're a drug dealer.

No.

I mean, technically, but, like,

not full time.

What? Just a part time drug dealer?

Trish,

I wanted to tell you.

I didn't want to scare you off.

I really like you, you know?

And my mom divorced-

Yeah, I'm not your mom, JR.

I know,

but, like, it still shook my house up.

No, no, no,

we made a deal and you broke it.

So...

Get out.

What?

Trisha, come on.

Get out.

Okay.

What's going on?

Hey.

Look at this.

Yeah!

Bye, buddy!

The one?

Yeah, I just never thought of myself as a dealer,

more as a supplier, like, humanitarian.

Wassup.

Yo.

Hey, Mr. Jeff Ross.

Hey, man.

You know I was just busting your balls the other day, right?

So do you really want to be a comedian?

More than anything.

It's all I think about, but I just feel like no one really

wants to hear what I have to say.

You think it was easy for me

trying to make it in show business looking like The Rock

if he lived next to a nuclear power plant?

Don't ever tell anyone this,

but I'm going to tell you my mantra.

Fuck it.

If you're up there and you're bombing

and the audience is booing,

fuck it, just get right back on stage.

Fuck it.

And if you tell anybody my mantra,

I'm going to cut your balls off

and I'm going to feed them to my goldfish,

and then I'm going to feed them their regular food

because they'll still be hungry.

Thanks, Mr. Ross.

Nah, don't thank me, Miles. Just...

Get back out there and...

No, give me my fucking weed.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Trisha,

where are you at?

Trisha, I really need to talk...

To you.

JR, what are you doing here?

You can't just show up at my work.

I'm sorry. I just want to come clean.

Oh, now you want to be real?

Can you just hear me out,

please?

Well, if you're here, you might as well make yourself useful.

Oh, you want me to come over there?

Right here.

- What, next to the... - Mm-hmm.

That's the smell you was talking about at dinner.

Okay.

Hold that.

Hold what? His penis?

Hold it.

Okay.

So you were saying?

I found some weed at work.

I stole that weed from work,

and now my best friends and I are selling it

to raise the money to get Bruce's body back.

Cradle the balls.

What?

So the formaldehyde circulates.

So, that's...

Okay, that's a two-hand operation then.

So this is the crowdfunding you mentioned?

Yeah, yeah,

and we're using the rest of the money

to move out of my momma's house.

You still live with your momma, too?

Mm-hmm. Look, I know,

but, hey, at least now you know everything, right?

I was just trying to do the right thing and bury my buddy.

I just should have been honest with you.

I'm hoping that you and I could be, like,

permanent.

What?

Girl, I meant that. That was from the heart.

I didn't even write that shit down.

What is so fun...

Oh, shit, the dick?

I ain't got to be holding this shit?

Oh, that was a cold cock, for real.

Get over here.

Apology accepted.

Okay, so this is your room?

Yeah, this is it.

Oh, wow.

You never said anything about animals.

Oh, girl, I'm an animal!

I mean, yeah. Oh, the rabbits.

Not mine. Story for another time.

Want to smoke?

Fuck that.

Damn, woman. You are on.

Sorry, I didn't mean to wear jeans.

Wooo!

Oh, I'm sorry, are you okay?

Shut up and choke me, bitch.

Oh, you really are a freak.

ZIG - Why don't you ever make love to me like that anymore? JR - Yeah, you can bite me.

JR - Ow! Damn, girl! ZAG - What are you talking about? We just fucked like that 2 minutes ago.

I said bite, not chomp.

Okay.

Ooh, ooh, watch it. ZIG - And you call yourself a rabbit...

Next, please.

How are we on this lovely morning? - Terrific!

Apologies.

It is a postal emergency.

I have some packages

that have gotten lost at this post office.

Oh, that's terrible,

about your packages.

Who handles them?

I'm out, motherfuckers!

Oh, yeah! Yeah, I am.

I'm about to go drink me some good wine,

smoke some good weed and have some great sex.

Not necessarily in that order.

So feel free to ponder on my promiscuity.

You know what I mean? All right, big dog.

I'll holla at you later.

Whoo! Love you guys!

Love you guys.

Oh, yes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What is this about?

Shh, shh, shh.

I'm going to ask you this one time.

Where are my packages?

I am sorry.

Sorry you stole my packages?

I'm sorry your breath smells this way.

Are you okay?

Do you need to see a dental hygienist or something?

I have a medical condition, big dog.

Yes, you do.

It is called chronic halitosis.

Would you make fun of the blind, or otherwise handicapped person?

I have, but I'm not proud of it.

If my next packages do not come through...

- Breath mints! - Come on, man.

Damn. My bad, bro.

I'm sorry, but your shit is kicking like Kimbo.

But as for your packages, I don't know shit about them.

You don't?

Well, I suggest you find out

and you call me.

This extension.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, Mr. Shitmouth... Shadow!

If I do not hear from you,

you will be hearing from me.

- Got it? - Yes, sir.

Maybe we could do that through email, text, carrier pigeon,

anything that doesn't require you to open your mouth.

It's a legitimate condition.

I'ma call you.

Shit.

We are way in over our heads.

Bruce,

we're trying to get you back to Passaic,

but I just don't want us to die while doing so.

How much we got left?

We have $63,000.

Minus Diesel tax,

that leaves us 33 grand,

which makes us seven grand short.

We just need one big client, and quick.

Because if we can't pay to transport Bruce's body by tomorrow,

he's going to get cremated.

It could be a bot. I don't know if it's real,

but someone with the screen name,

MalcolmlndicaMiddle just DM'd me,

says he wants like a pound.

That could do it.

Let's go.

Okay, well, the address he sent me

is apparently like a movie studio,

so why don't you change out of that fetish shit.

Okay.

All right, he said it's the last trailer on the left, playing Eddie.

This should be it.

Malcolm Indica Middle.

Hey.

Hey, I'm TokenWhiteGuy.

Oh, yeah.

Come on in, guys.

Oh, my God. This is so cool.

Yo, you got a fireplace?

Should have brought my marshmallow.

Oh, this is JR. That's Cori.

Hey, man, not to make shit awkward,

but are you Frankie Muniz?

Yeah, that's me.

Holy shit, I'm a big fan.

I love your sitcom, um, Malcolm in The Middle.

And Agent Cody Banks.

I mean, I grew up watching you

and watched you grow up.

- You were, like, my best friend. - Yeah, me, too.

Is that weird to say?

No, it's cool.

But for real,

you guys actually have Biblica?

There's only one way to find out.

Stop enabling this asshole!

Fuck!

Frankie, will you be our new best friend?

Fuck, yeah.

Okay, wait. Here's your stash.

Thanks for the cash.

We're going to stay in touch, right?

- You already know, Frankie. - Putting you on group chat!

- I love you. - I love you!

Oh my God!

Is that for you?

- All right. - That's your ride?

Yeah.

That's sick.

I'll see you soon.

- I can't believe we did it. - I know.

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

We put the pro in procrastination.

Okay, look, Miles, tomorrow,

you look for a brand new apartment.

Cori, you call the bureau

and make sure they don't cremate Bruce.

And I'm going to drop this cash off to Diesel,

tell him we out,

then we go smoke a big fat doobie on the way to Dirty Joe's.

- Let's go. - Let's go.

Hey, do you think Frankie actually

is like, the middle child maybe?

I can't believe you put his gun in your mouth.

How are you all doing? Are you all right?

Diesel.

That's it.

All of your money right there.

Me and my crew, we're out. Done.

No, you're done when I say you're done.

Now, you're gonna go back, steal more weed from the post office.

I'll expect another 30k next week.

Oh, I can't. Even if I wanted to.

The owner of those packages showed up at the post office.

Some scary-ass dude with rancid breath named Shadow.

I don't give a damn about scary-ass Shadow.

Or ghost or Walter White,

or Big Perm or the White Bitch from Weeds.

Now go back and steal more packages or I'll kill you.

Why does everybody want to kill me?

I guess because you have such a killable face.

Now, remember, I know where your mama live,

and she got a killable face, too.

It must be genetic, huh?

Police!

Freeze!

Looks like someone is trying to sell bulk.

This is a licensed dispensary.

- Do you have a warrant? - Yes, yes.

Why don't you read that while we take a look around?

Big boy day, huh?

Sit tight.

- Sit. - Oh, no, not him.

Let me guess.

You've been in here running your mouth.

Sit down.

All right, JR.

Where were we? Yeah.

Miles Corey.

- That's it for your crew? - We're not a crew.

We're friends.

Look. The guy you should be going after

is the one who sent those packages.

Some scary-ass dude named Shadow.

- He's the one. - Did you say Shadow?

Yeah.

Breath smells like the back

of the bus when he speaks that your nose hairs just tingle.

- That's him. - Mm-hmm.

He's the biggest drug lord in North America.

He's eluded us for years.

And you saw him?

I didn't just see him.

He gave me his card. He told me

to call him if I found out who's been stealing his weed.

Smells like shit.

Oh, I know.

I've been walking around and my pockets' been smelling

like diarrhea for the last ten days.

- That's really nice stock. - Nice laminate.

- QR code. - Modern.

Here's the deal.

You help us nail Shadow, you both go free.

Set up a meeting, you'll both be wearing a wire.

All you got to do is get him to confess.

I'm not a snitch.

Come to think of it, we don't really need you.

You know what? Technically, I wouldn't be snitching.

I'd just be helping him snitch on himself.

- So I'm in. - Well, hold on, y'all.

If Shadow finds out what's happening, won't he be mad?

Like, kill me mad?

They're going to die.

We'll be close by.

You got nothing to worry about.

He's asleep.

You guys are going to love this.

Never gets old.

She's not my cousin.

Hello.

Mom?

JR!

My pretty baby boy.

Mom? Are you all right?

No.

Where'd the phone go?

Yo, so your mom got into my Juanalube.

A lot of it.

And she's gonna be high for the next two weeks.

Okay. Hey, Cori.

Look, I just got picked up,

and I may have told the cops your name.

- What? - Hey, I had no choice.

Wait, you did what?

But, hey, look, as long as I show up

at a meeting and get Shadow to talk, all this will go away.

That's not cool.

We're not waiting around to see if we go to jail.

Do you know what happens to men

with this level of collagen in prison?

Can we tell him how soft my skin is?

Guys, we'll get through this.

- We're a team. - No.

You know what a team doesn't do?

They don't snitch to the cops.

Asshole.

How are you doing, Mr. Shadow?

Sir.

Good to see you again.

This is the man who's been

making me steal all of your weed.

Oh, is it?

Who the fuck are you, big dog?

My name is...

What the fuck is that smell?

- Okay. - We're downwind.

Okay, first of all, I refuse to be insulted by a man

wearing such an unflattering cardigan.

Oh, it's you.

Oh.

Tried to tell you.

Second of all, I'm going to go over this one

more time for the benefit of the group.

Chronic halitosis is

a legitimate condition that affects millions

of Americans in this country, not just me.

Add one more to that.

God, it's affecting the fuck out of me.

You probably should see a doctor.

Okay, if we are all quite done hurting my feelings,

perhaps we can get down to brass tacks.

Yo, whatever. Just breath fast.

Yep.

You owe me for the full street value

of the product you stole.

Plus a modest penalty.

Trust me, I'm paying a penalty right now.

Are we done?

Okay.

Hey, Mr. Shadow, we completely agree

with your terms and conditions, sir, because it's very clear

that you are a very powerful drug lord.

That is what's up.

Very powerful.

Probably moving a lot of what, schedule ones, schedule twos.

Whatever schedule that breath's on.

Mm-hmm.

I'm going to ask you gentlemen a very difficult question right now

but I would appreciate full transparency.

Flossing's important.

God, it's burning my eyes.

Are you wearing a wire?

A what?!

A wire?

What is a wire?

Love that show.

We're wearing clothes.

That's so crazy.

You gentlemen are terrible liars.

My girlfriend says the same thing.

Goons.

Dispose of them.

- Goons? - Goons?

Let's go.

Shoot those fucking pricks.

Move. Move.

What the hell?

Oh, no.

This is all your fault.

How is this my fault?

Mr. Glock says so.

He's never wrong.

What's up, baby?

Freeze!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Help!

Oh, God.

Shut up.

No, it burns.

Looks like we lost another one.

I actually liked this guy.

What the?

Thanks, pops.

Is it over?

It's over.

Somebody call LDEE.

Come get your ass.

I need medical attention.

I would not want to be his nurse.

So many holes!

What? What the hell?

Trisha?

JR, you really are a disappointment to me.

Trisha?

First, you stole my weed, then you got Shadow killed.

He was my number one man.

You've taken something of mine,

so I've taken something of yours.

If you want to see your lovely

Trisha again, come to 3900 Mulholland Drive tonight.

Don't involve your police

friends or Trisha will be made to feel very sad.

Ma!

Ma, you got to go to a friend's house.

I don't have time to explain.

Just pack a bag.

Please!

Ma, come on.

Ma, what the...

Ma?

Ma.

JR,

guess who I found pleasuring herself on the sofa?

This girl.

You have a very special mom.

Oh, my God. That's, like, so sweet, because...

Okay, whoa. Relax.

If you want to see her again...

JR, what the fuck did you do?

Don't keep me waiting.

No.

JR.

JR.

JR.

We saw some guys break into your mom's place on the camera.

They took off like 15 minutes ago.

What the hell is happening?

Shadow wasn't the real boss.

The real drug lord kidnapped my mom and Trisha.

I fucked up.

No, don't say that.

I fucked up.

Come on, man.

We fucked up.

Yeah, and it gets worse.

What?

Those motherfuckers barbecued Bruce.

They said we had 14 days.

14 days from the time of his death, not the next day

when we met Trisha at the funeral home.

- We messed the days up. - Yeah.

I'm sorry for everything.

I'm sorry about the police.

So you're a bitch-ass punk.

What else is new?

Sorry I went all Karen on your ass about the police.

All right, enough with the apologies.

We have to get your mom and Trisha back.

- Let's go. - We?

Oh, no.

I'm not getting you guys involved.

Shut up, okay?

We all got involved back in middle school.

We're already in.

Yeah, you got a problem with that?

Nah.

All right, Bruce, you stay here.

Keep his mom company.

Let's go!

Do you guys really think they fit all of him in there?

We are going to need a diversion.

And weapons would have been nice.

They've got the upper hand,

but we've got something they don't have.

- The element of surprise. - The moral high ground?

No.

Uh oh.

The wipers?

That's faster. That's worse.

Okay.

Fuck it.

All right. What a great audience.

Keep it going for your wait staff.

So nice to be here.

Oh, my God.

So nice to be performing for really the world's oldest

extra from the movie Taken Three.

Douche bag. Get the fuck out of here.

Okay, I got to get going.

Getting the light from,

obviously, the old man in the bathtub

outdoors in this Cialis commercial.

Oh, shit!

Speaking of small spaces

with an old man awkwardly crammed inside.

How is your mom's box doing?

Wait, you forgot the best part.

Behind you.

Took you long enough. I was dying up there.

You're getting funnier.

Wait, what are you doing?

We're just supposed to be the diversion.

JR's gonna need us. You coming or what?

Is there gonna be a place to poop?

I didn't go before.

Got your little silly ass.

Frankie?

What's up, JR?

You're the drug lord that kidnapped my mom and Trisha?

I bet that seems weird, huh?

You can put the bong down on the ground.

Why?

Why the hell are you selling drugs?

You're a tv star.

You're rich.

Rich?

Understatement.

Dude, I was on a network show, okay?

Syndicated. Contingent compensation checks.

But life is about purpose.

When I made all that money, my business manager said to me,

now is the time to secure your future.

Invest in something you love.

I love drugs.

I always have.

So I bought a struggling cartel.

- You could do that? - I know, right?

Who knew? Check this out.

Cool, huh?

Geek squad hooked it up for your boy. Haha!

Hey, come on. Check out what's in here.

You're going to love it. It's the best part.

I promise.

This is so fun.

This is the coolest part of my whole house.

I act, I race cars, I run a cartel.

But my real passion is painting.

This is my studio.

Mom, Trisha!

Hey! Hey, guys.

JR, what the fuck is going on?

Is this your girlfriend?

It is so nice to meet you.

We should have her over for dinner.

Are you vegan? You look vegan.

My mouth is so dry. Cow tongue.

Meow. Blach.

She took Biblica by her Va-JJ.

Oh, Va-JJ.

Yeah, that's hardcore.

Meow.

Excuse me. This is my time.

Most artists use oils or acrylics.

I like to work in bodily fluids.

It's much more honest.

This one here, I call late payment.

Oh, my God. You're a fucking psychopath.

He looks like a psychopath.

Technically, I have antisocial

personality disorder with sociopathic tendencies.

That's what my therapist, Sydney says.

Sydney, this is everybody.

Everybody, Sydney.

Hi, Sydney.

All right, look here, man.

If I'm not outside with my mama

and my girl in two minutes, my friends are going to call 911.

You mean these friends?

Let go of me, you fuck turd!

Oh shit!

It's Frankie! What's up, man?

Put him on the ground right there.

Oh shit.

I'm starting to think we're not best friends anymore.

Duh!

What happened to being a distraction?

Sorry, JR.

I want to show you all something that I am very proud of.

Biblica seeds.

I own every one in the world.

Nobody can grow this but me.

When you sold me Biblica, I knew you were thieves.

My cartel has a diverse portfolio in narcotics.

But you chose to steal

my favorite, and you got Shadow killed.

You see, that's a problem for me.

He was the pretend boss.

He kept the heat off of me.

And that's why, JR,

I want to hire you.

What?

To be the new pretend boss.

It's like being a stand in,

except you're gonna make a shit ton of money.

Not the kind of money I have, but good fucking money.

Oh, shit. Congrats, JR.

I knew you could do it, man.

- Oh, baby, I'm so proud of you. - Mom.

Look, you are perfect for the part.

The cops are going to think

that you got Shadow killed so you could be the new leader.

But you do have to audition right here.

You have everybody in the world that you love.

You pick one to die, and you've got the part.

Oh, I hope he picks me.

- Nah. - No.

Nah, no way.

Okay then, you all die.

You sick fuck.

You've got 10 seconds to decide.

I would pick this one right here.

Wait.

How do I know you're not lying?

If Sydney were here,

I mean, here and able to talk, she would tell you

I'm incapable of lying.

It's part of my psychosis.

My least favorite part, by the way.

Let me see here.

Mmmm!

JR...

You choose one to die,

and the other four walk out of here alive and well.

You have my word.

Hey, he looks like the guy from the tv show...

The Middle.

Ah. You're punking me.

You guys are punking me. You guys are good.

You went so far.

You're such a good girlfriend.

I know.

Okay, let's just kill them all.

Wait! Wait.

I've made my decision.

I choose myself.

What?

The Holy Trinity.

- I wasn't expecting that. - Holy Trinity? What's that?

JR, no! Hazel eyes. Butter pecan.

You got your whole life ahead of you.

Don't do it.

Not what he said, but, yeah. Don't do it.

JR.

I love you all.

Do it.

No!

- No! - Yeah.

No, JR!

What's going on?

No! Stop!

What's happening?

Beautiful. Isn't it?

Bruce?

What's up, man?

Oh, my goodness.

It's so good.

Bruce, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

Where is here?

Well, we call this the Ain't.

Because we ain't in heaven and we ain't really in hell.

And honestly, we're just in the Ain't.

Bro, it ain't too bad.

Look at that.

Oh, hey.

Oh, yeah. This place ain't bad at all.

Oh, yeah, and you gotta try this.

You gotta try that.

Weed in the afterlife?

It's the bomb.

Oh, that's gas!

Umm...

Hey, Bruce.

Look, man, I'm sorry I didn't get you buried in Passaic.

Dude, I wasn't trying to get you to bury me in Passaic.

I was trying to tell you about

my will, the law firm, Bernstein and Rush in Passaic?

Yeah, because my parents, they left me everything

that they had and I left you, Cori and Miles

everything that I had.

You had money?

Yeah.

Yeah, I just didn't want to tell you about it because honestly,

I didn't want to fuck up our friendship.

Mo money, mo problems, you know?

Boy, don't I know it.

How do you think I ended up here?

Okay, but I don't want you to bury me.

I want you to smoke me.

I want you to use my ashes to fertilize some weed.

Then I want to get all up in your synapses.

Hey, Bruce, as much as I would love to have you all up

in my synapses, I smoked the holy trinity.

I'm pretty sure I'm dead as shit.

Well, actually, you ain't really dead.

And you ain't really alive either.

Dog, you just... Ain't.

Hold on.

So you're telling me there's a way back home?

You know, legend did say that chosen one

can smoke the mythical

Holy Trinity and live to talk about it.

But, dude, look around you.

Why would you ever want to leave here?

This is enough weed to smoke for an eternity.

Look, look. Come on!

- Bruce. - Come on. Look at it.

Look, as awesome as this place is man,

I can't stay here.

I gotta get back to them.

I always knew you were special, JR.

I'm gonna miss you, man.

Same.

- Cross my heart. - Toke to high.

Woah.

Holy shit!

He's the Green Lantern!

No, you idiot!

He's The One.

The Chosen One

Good shit!

Hello! Shoot him!

Die, motherfucking weed Genie!

Oh! JR.

If I kiss you,

am I going to go flying across the room?

Oh, I don't know, but I don't think we should risk it.

Okay, we can risk it.

- Aw, you guys. - Are you okay, Ma?

You mean to tell me I

should have been smoking weed this whole time?

Yeah, Ma.

Oh. Do you think we can hit an In and Out on the way home?

Oh, 100%.

I don't know what the hell I just smoked.

I don't eat meat.

And there you have it.

And with Bruce's money and the Biblica seeds we took

from Frankie, we took over Black Ops and gave it a facelift

and opened a fully licensed and legal Heavenly High.

My mom became our top sales person.

Purple Herpal. Three box of gummies.

Oh, and you have to try our CBD balm.

It's the bomb.

Trisha's skills running a funeral home made her

the perfect General Manager for Heavenly High.

She even likes dealing with the living.

And let's just say she and I share an office.

JuanaLube changed everything for Cori.

Blowing the top off the sexual

lubricant market and taking the world by storm.

She ended up rebranding her entire wargasm line

and in the process managed to rebrand herself.

Edibles, though.

Holy shit.

Edibles are the most vindictive,

vengeful form of THC.

Now that Miles found his voice and confidence,

he started his own open mic for himself and other young comics.

You don't hear anything until you start talking shit.

You take an edible, 30 minutes goes by.

Yeah, I don't feel anything. These edibles, weak.

And then edibles like, what the fuck did you just say about me?

How are you going to talk shit

when your asshole is literally on the floor?

Bruce got his last wish.

Fertilizing the newest crop of Biblica.

Synapses all over the world are

getting a taste of Bruce and loving every minute of it.

As for me, being The One opened

up something inside, it got me thinking about my pops.

So I decided to take a journey

back east to go ahead and seek him out.

- Babe, are you okay? - What?

Who were you just talking to?

Oh, sometimes I feel like I'm narrating my own movie.

Maybe you should take a break on the Biblica.

Just for a minute.

Yeah, maybe I should.

Bro, your journey east will be

difficult with deserts to cross and mountains to climb.

Actually, I paid extra for an exit row

seat on JetBlue, so I'm good.

- Oh, that should be chill. - Yeah.

Son, I want you to stay safe.

And also, you say hi to your daddy for me.

- Yes, ma'am. - That's right.

Yeah.

Hurry back.

I miss you. See you soon.

See you soon.

You're going to be right here when I get back?

I'm just making sure. - Right here.

I love y'all.

Take care of the store.

Cue the music.