Original subtitles

Well, would you look at that.

Do you see what I see?

Do you reckon that she wears leather underwear?

I don't think I'd ask her if I was you, Chester.

She might answer you with that six-gun

she's got strapped on her there.

Yeah, she's not the gentlest lookin' woman

I ever saw.

Well, that little feller with her

sure looks like he's been carrying around the birdcage,

don't he?

I thought we'd never make it.

You thought you'd never make it.

Get off that mule.

Sure, Lena.

Oh!

Lena, I- I-

I- Oof.

That'll learn you to apologize like a gentlemen

instead of standin' there gawkin'.

Who you laughin' at?

Oh, not a soul, ma'am.

If I thought you was laughin' at me or my man,

I'd open you up.

Oh, no, no. My gracious, no.

Well?

Well, it...

It was just something funny

that I heard a feller tell

the other day, is all.

What did that feller tell you was so funny?

Well, he, uh, um-

I'm waitin', mister.

What was that, Mr. Dillon?

You heard him.

Dillon? You must be the marshal.

That's right, ma'am.

Well, I'm real proud to know ya. My name's Lena Wave.

How do you do?

This here-

This is Emmett Fitzgerald, marshal.

Emmett.

Howdy, marshal.

This is Chester Goode.

That's Doc Adams.

Oh, how do?

Mornin'.

Emmett's a gamblin' man.

That so.

And I want you to know he's real honest.

Ain't you, Emmett?

I only caught him cheatin' once. Right, Emmett?

Sure, Lena. And you like to have killed me.

Well, I'm glad to hear that.

About the, uh, bein' honest, that is.

Emmett will be runnin' a game tonight.

Long Branch looks as good a place as any.

No objections, I take it, marshal.

Yeah, well, as a matter of fact

we do have a city ordinance against gambling here.

You what?

'Course we very seldom enforce it.

Just a little fine now and then to keep the game legitimate.

Well, you ain't hookin' me for one red cent,

and you better not try it neither.

Well, I was-

I'm warnin' you, mister.

I ain't hornin' for no trouble,

but if it comes my way, I'll be ready for it.

And there ain't a man I can't handle

any day come hallelujah, includin' you.

Just don't forget that.

Yeah, well, uh-

All right, Emmett.

Better find someplace to feed you,

so you'll have all your strength to deal them cards.

Sure, Lena.

You can sit in on the game too, mister...

if you watch your manners.

Thank you.

Come on, Emmett.

Looks like you oughta get some food in you too, Matt,

so you'll have your strength.

I think you're gonna need it while she's in town.

Yeah.

It- It was an oversight, ma'am.

I swear it was.

You were shyin' the pot,

and in this game you ain't allowed no oversight.

Well, please, ma'am-

You just wait.

Get movin'. One of these days...

Scat, before I-

Good evening, Matt.

Yeah.

Well, I see Chester'll be borrowing a quarter

for breakfast tomorrow.

You know something, Matt?

This may sound crazy but...

Well, I feel sorry for big Lena.

Save your sympathy.

When you first see Emmett and her together,

it makes you wanna laugh.

After a while, it gets kinda sad.

Well, after all, Matt, she is a woman.

You're pretty sure about that, huh?

Kinda hard to tell sometimes.

Think how awful it is for her.

It wouldn't be natural if underneath all that,

she didn't wanna be a little attractive.

Yeah, I know she can't help lookin' like a buffalo,

but she don't have to act like one.

No. No. No, sir.

That's not my hand.

I had three aces.

You accusin' Emmett of cheatin'?

You wanna get a hole shot right through ya?

Well, Emmett was dealin', wasn't he?

I'm promisin' you, mister,

I'll shoot a hole in you right now.

Now, just a minute, Lena.

Mr. Dillon, somebody stole my hand.

Look, I don't what it's like where you come from,

but around here, you shoot anybody,

you go to jail.

Put a woman in jail?

For shootin' somebody, I would, yes.

How 'bout for fightin'?

Well, uh, that depends.

Lena, you don't- Mr. Dillon-

You was sayin', marshal?

Come on, Chester.

Deal.

It wasn't my hand, Mr. Dillon.

I had three aces, I know it.

What'd you let her get away with it for?

Lack of experience, Chester.

I never tangled with a woman before.

It was the only winner I had all night.

You can't outtalk 'em, you can't hit 'em.

What can ya do?

Matt.

Good mornin', Doc.

Well, you sure lead an easy life.

Here I been patchin' and stitchin'

behind big Lena since sunup this morning.

And you all stretched out here, taking it easy.

I'm just tryin' to figure out how to handle her.

What's happened now?

Well, it's just big Lena

against the whole male species, that's all.

Two more casualties.

Been hurt bad?

Bad? She used a bottle on 'em.

'Course there was more blood than anything else.

Oh, I hear that she slugged Chester last night.

Something about him accusin' her Emmett

of cheatin' at cards, or somethin'?

Yeah.

Chester's mistake.

Some of the boys were jokin' him.

They switched cards on him while he was under the table

lookin' for a couple of chips that he'd dropped.

Well, sir, I'll tell ya, Matt.

One of these days,

some drunk is not gonna be able to tell

whether she's a man or a woman,

and he'll shoot her.

Uh, now you're just tryin' to make me feel good.

Mr. Dillon.

She went and done it.

Big Lena, she just shot a man in the lobby of the Dodge House.

Well...you can call the undertaker, Chester.

Oh.

She oughta be run out of town.

Well, Lena.

Why'd you shoot him?

I got a respectable witness here.

Mr. Uzzell, the clerk.

He seen everything.

Well, I had to protect myself.

Nobody else would.

Includin' Emmett here.

I would've stood up for you, Lena, only...

Only she's better than me

when it comes to lookin' after her.

You got no more backbone than a splatter of dough.

I asked you a question, Lena.

What you expect me to do when this stinkin' buffalo hunter

comes at me, saying things he shouldn't oughta,

tryin' to kiss me?

Kiss ya?

Tell him.

Well-

That's just about the way it was, marshal.

He was pretty drunk.

He come in and grabbed hold of her

while she was gettin' the key to her room.

She- She wrestled him all the way over to there.

See? I killed him in self-defense.

Self-defense.

He wasn't even armed, except for this.

Ain't you forgettin' something, marshal?

I'm a woman.

Yeah, and I'm gettin' tired of you tradin' so hard on it.

Ain't a woman got a right to protect her virtue

in this town?

She's-

She's got a point there, marshal.

There ain't a judge in the world

who wouldn't be proud to let me go free

for what I done.

I'll take that gun, Lena.

Why?

'Cause you can defend yourself without it.

All right, marshal.

I guess you've gotta come out of this

feelin' puffed-up about somethin'.

Come on, Emmett.

Come to think of it, you've been up all night,

and you ain't had your breakfast.

Come on. Sure, Lena.

Just a minute, Lena.

From now on, if you wanna be treated like a woman,

you better start acting like one.

Well?

Self-defense.

He was making advances, and she was protecting herself.

And she had a witness too.

Ah, the sweet influence of the gentler sex.

Like the dew of heaven

upon the rough natures of mere man.

I gotta finish this report.

Yeah.

I'm Nate Bannister.

Glad to know you.

This is Doc Adams here.

How do.

You won't be glad to know me,

not if you're the marshal.

I'm the marshal.

I just come from the Dodge House.

I'm lookin' for this here woman who killed Ed Jane.

He was my partner.

Uh, Matt,

maybe you better tell the man what he's up against.

Nobody's gonna shoot a friend of mine

and get away with it.

Not even a woman.

He was drunk, Nate.

Seems he wasn't showing her the proper respect.

Well, that's no cause to kill him.

Now you're just bein' logical.

Don't you know a woman's got a right to protect herself

anyway she sees fit?

That don't set right with me.

I'm sick of puny females always takin' advantage,

just 'cause they're weak and underbuilt.

You gonna arrest her, marshal?

There's no point to it.

All right, then.

I'll take care of her myself for good.

Woman or no woman.

There sure was a temptation to let him go after her.

Yeah.

He was just about her size too.

Yeah, give me a hand, Doc. Let's get him into a cell.

What you got me in here for?

She's the one that oughta be locked up.

Locked up for cold, blackhearted murder.

I'll get even with her,

if it's the last thing I ever do.

She's the one that oughta be locked up.

Good thing we got him locked up, huh?

Well, I don't know, Mr. Dillon.

The state of mind he's in,

I think we oughta just turn him loose.

I hear you got a man named Nate Bannister in here.

That's right, Lena.

And he's goin' around sayin' he can't wait to shoot me down.

Right again.

Give me back my gun.

I'll give you back your gun when you get outta Dodge.

I ain't gettin' outta Dodge.

You heard me.

Then let me have a look at him.

I got a right to know his face

if he's so set on murderin' me.

Well, you sure got a lot of rights for one woman.

You gonna let me see him?

All right.

You got a visitor.

I'm Lena Wave.

You?

And I'm here to tell you

I ain't gonna let no mangy buffalo hunter bushwhack me.

What are you starin' at?

Nobody told me what you look like.

What do I look like?

You're sure one fine bunch of woman.

First gal I ever seen built along my taste.

I'm homely as a warthog, and I know it.

Oh, how can you tear yourself down like that?

Why, you're a sight for sore eyes,

from hocks to horn.

I wouldn't wanna see no harm come to a lady like you.

Lady?

That's what I said, ma'am.

You hear that, marshal?

He called me a lady.

Well, you are one, ain't you?

'Course.

What's the matter with callin' you one?

Nothin'.

I like it.

A lady don't have to be pale and puny.

She don't?

No.

Real man don't want no little, scrawny, sawed-off runt.

Man needs someone...

Well, better than that.

Think so?

Sure, Lena.

A minute ago, you were ready to shoot me.

That's before I seen you.

I-I tell you what.

Let's me and you bury the hatchet

over a glass of beer, huh?

I'd like that.

Hey, marshal!

Yeah, yeah. I hear ya.

I'll get the key.

If you're here to keep an eye on Lena,

looks like she's too taken up to stir up any trouble.

They sure make a shaggy pair of lovers, don't they?

Oh, he's makin' her feel like a woman.

Is that what it is?

What does it make him feel like?

Lena.

What do you want?

Well, you've been sittin' here for hours.

I-it's time to go to supper.

I told ya don't bother me.

You never acted like this before.

Nothin' like this ever happened to me before.

This ain't like you, Lena.

Maybe it's time I got shed of you altogether.

I'm thinkin' it over.

But-

The lady said she don't wanna be bothered.

You want me to run you outta here?

Leave him be, Nate.

He's liable to come apart in your hands.

Go on, Emmett. Get.

Sure, Lena.

Get!

Step up, everybody.

Nate Bannister's buying.

Lena and me is gettin' married.

Oh, ho- Ho- Hold on.

I never said that.

Well, I ain't had time to tell you yet.

I wouldn't have missed this for anything.

You know, I'm gettin' myself a good woman,

but she's gettin' herself an even better man.

You sure are swelled up with yourself, ain't ya?

I just got the guts to go with my gall.

What do you say?

How 'bout a kiss?

That's my kind of girl.

Hold still, will ya?

Hold still girl.

Take your hands off her.

Emmett, he and I care-

Shut up!

Why, you miserable, scrawny, little-

You'll-

You-

Kitty, give me that bag.

Doc?

Well, just a good thing it wasn't a forty-five.

You were out to kill him over me.

I was losin' you.

You went and shot him.

I-I- I couldn't stand losin' you.

He didn't mean nothin' to me.

I- I don't know what happened.

Sure, Lena.

He called me a lady and...

started sweet-talking me, just like I was any other woman.

And I sorta lost my head.

How is he, Doc?

I guess you just can't kill a buffalo with a derringer.

Better get him up to the office, Matt.

Yeah, a couple of you men give Doc a hand,

and get him to the office.

Did he draw on you, Emmett?

No, marshal.

Well, guess I'll have to take you to jail.

Reckon you do, marshal.

But you can't.

He's-

He's my husband.

Your husband?

Of course.

We've been married for ten years.

I know you got a good heart, marshal.

Couldn't you just-

No, I'm afraid he has to go to jail, Lena.

He shot a man. He might've killed him.

I don't mean that.

I mean, I...

want you to let me go to jail with him.

What?

Can't you see?

I've been waitin' for ten years

for him to treat me like a wife.

I can't leave him now.

Please.

Well, I- I guess we got room for two.

Till the trial.

Thank you, marshal.

Thank you.

All right, Emmett.

What's the matter?

Didn't you ever see anybody in love?