Original subtitles

You care for a game?

Belongs to Crichton, but he's not on board at the moment.

Do you know how to play?

And this...

Hmm. Porn.

I figure a relationship is based on trust.

I didn't want to tell you about the pregnancy until I was sure.

What's he doing here? What does he want?

He wants asylum.

Crichton.

You've gotta try these.

Crichton.

What?

You're doing it again.

What?

Zoning.

No, no, I was just thinking.

Well, the Aeryn in your head can wait.

Come on. Come play these games with me.

Games? Looks like some kinda sick root.

It's organic matrix.

Reality games.

Simulations.

Press the flesh.

Ah.

Sikozu, if you were to open the door we could play properly.

Chiana?

Pip!

You know you're completely vulnerable.

Pilot. Moya. Hey, where are you guys?

I need to get a fix on your position.

Crichton.

Yo, D. How you doing, man?

Crichton, where are you?

You have got to see this.

Tell him about Scorpius. - Not right now, Chiana.

Crichton, we're having a small problem with Scorpius.

You have got to try this one.

Hang on a sec.

What the hell?

Hey, wait.

Son of a...

Hey, wait for it. Wait for it.

This way!

You have to hurry!

Gilina.

Come on, we gotta hurry! Come on!

Whoa!

This is just a game, right?

Drad, huh? Bring back memories?

Gilina, Scorpius, Gammak Base.

I'll save you!

Stark?

Now, this is...

This is weird.

Not right.

We shouldn't just... we shouldn't just switch levels like that.

No, no, no, I mean somebody's messing with us.

Well, I'm sure there's some really good techno-babble...

You know what? Screw the explanation, Chiana.

We got a problem with Scorpy on Moya and Pods do not fly themselves.

We need out.

Help!

Help!

Help.

Cool.

Now I know somebody's messing with us.

We gotta end this now.

Just say you want out.

I want out.

Yep.

That's standard override. Try again.

I want... out.

I... want... out!

My name is John Crichton, an astronaut.

Three years ago I got shot through a wormhole.

I'm in a distant part of the universe

aboard this living ship of escaped prisoners,

my friends.

I've made enemies.

Powerful, dangerous.

Now all I want is to find a way home

to warn Earth.

Look upward and share the wonders I've seen.

Hey.

Ouch.

Hey, you okay?

Anyone home?

What happened?

I'm not sure.

Something's gone fekkik up.

Damn, that hurt.

But I wouldn't...

I wouldn't try and move that.

Yeah. Might make things worse.

Oh, my God.

How...

Stark.

Stark?

You're here?

I'm supposed to be here.

I am everywhere.

I am Stark. Avatar.

Guide. The game embodied.

You're the Avatar?

What are you doing here?

All players are supposed to begin at the Gammak base.

Pip?

What do you want me to do?

The auto-out didn't work.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear?

You say you were on a Transport Pod, alone?

Mmm.

Just you two?

That's not very smart.

Right. So we'd like out now, please.

I'm afraid it's not that easy.

Could be broken.

Okay, Stark. Some questions.

Who's the designer of the game?

Yoti. - Neural Template?

Yours truly, and an infusion of the dead John Crichton's memories.

Excuse me, you stole my memories?

Yeah. You appear to have backdoored into a part of the game

that technically speaking, shouldn't even exist.

So, you're kind of stuck, I think.

Chiana. Scorpius.

Oh, stop being such a welnitz.

Brain damage and death is...

Brain damage?! - It's very rare.

It's very rare. - Wel-wel-welcome.

My name is John Crichton-Crichton,

the most notorious criminal in the known universe.

- Aghh! Too general. - I need the manual.

I may look Sebacean, but I'm not-not-not.

Billions upon b-b-billions upon billions of lives

hang in the b-b-balance hang in the b-b-balance

I may look Sebeacean... hang in the b-b-balance.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it...

Journey to the source of evil-evil.

Discover the darkness.

I'm gonna kill Stark.

Discover the darkness.

Erp, erp, have a good day.

Ha.

Manual.

Ah, specifications, specifications.

Ah. Here we are.

In farthest space, beyond the knowing charts, the horrid human and his band appear.

And though they play today at different parts, the core of subtle truth beneath is clear.

The path of choice may draw you dark and deep, where flesh deformed doth keep the dream alive.

And if the way your compass cannot keep, some pearls of wisdom to thee do I give.

Ha! This should do it.

Your quest is for the princess fair to seek.

The one a human's fleeting love did rend.

Bring forth the sword and through the darkness peek,

One loving kiss amends and there's an end,

and if we shades with taste do not agree, a door of green shall set your senses free.

That was great.

What was that?

Your way out.

Kiss the princess.

Kiss a princess?

The princess, and you're out.

Or find a green door. Either way.

Vouchers.

Each one good for one answer to one question.

Squeeze them hard. Use them well.

Time's up. Game's on. Good luck. Have fun.

The tower's up, but up is down.

Follow the path through the fairy town.

I have some questions.

Path?

Up is down.

Start looking.

Kiss the princess. You gotta like that.

I have a list of reasons why I ain't gonna like any of this.

Would you call that a path?

These things look like chocolate coins.

Frell me!

That's a path.

Hey, what happens if I die in here?

Uh, game death resets on the current level.

Yeah, unless normal operation is suspended.

You see a green door?

What do you suppose is in there?

With our luck?

Maldis.

Hey there.

Oh.

Relax, together.

I am Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan, tenth level Delvian priest,

blood kin to the piezor who bit Scorpy's ass.

And you, and you,

you're invading my parking space. Now, frell off. - Hey, wait, wh-where...

I know who you are. You're a couple of pilgrims on some damn fool quest.

Hey, he's hurt.

He's hurt?

Yeah.

Well, he's gonna be more hurt if he tries to kiss the princess.

The Ogre'll get him.

O- Ogre?

Ah!

Be still.

It's gonna hurt. A lot.

He doesn't look so good.

Yup, he's bad.

He's going south.

Oh!

It's milkin' time, baby.

Hamman side looma for the cure.

Oh!

Thank you.

Yeah. Better get ready to keep him quiet.

The Ogre is not gonna let you kiss her, you know.

He'll be jealous.

Feed him, you fannik.

Okay. Here's the good stuff.

Here it is. Oh...

Frell!

Acid.

Okay, try the other looma.

Very good, little nixar.

Most get burnt the first time.

Okay, here we go.

Other looma.

Next time lucky.

Unless the Ogre gets wind of this, then there'll be trouble.

Okay, here's my boy.

Keep it down. Keep it down.

Oh... Oh...

This is bad!

Ooh, he had to hear that!

- Fe fi fo fum! - Buckle up, buckle up!

Who had to hear?!

The Big Kahuna!

It's the Ogre! It's him!

Get him out! Get him out!

I don't wanna go...

Zhaan.

Yeah.

Oh, the horror.

The new and improved Zhaan.

How ya feelin?

Fruity.

If you say so.

You have to, Crichton. Or these games will eat you up.

All right, I'll try. - Just give it a go. Give it a go.

Look, I said I'll...

Whoa.

None shall pass.

Check this out.

Brave sir knight!

I am King Arthur of Camelot.

This is my loyal vassal, Patsy.

Bollocks!

You're a pimped-out, arrogant fleshie

who wants to use my road where none shall pass.

Right.

Well, that went great. Let's kill him.

No, no, he's not gonna move too fast, lugging all that armor.

We can just go around.

None... shall... pass!

Okay.

Whoa!

Whoa! I thought you said this way!

I changed my mind!

Huh?

Whoa.

Hey, Pip.

You see a path?

No. No, I don't.

I said to wait but no, you wanna play games while Scorpy is on the ship!

Not to mention the potential brain damage, Chiana!

A green door.

We need a green door. Just... just ask.

Voucher.

Voucher. One question, one answer.

Warm tonight, or is it just me? - Stark, we want out.

The tower's up but up is down. Follow the path through the fairy town. Later!

Stark, you get your ass back here now or I'm gonna come kick your lily white...

That's it.

What are you doin'?

Follow the path. The path ends here.

Hey...

Okay, what are you doing here?

Hey, Gretel. You think they're here to eat?

Uh, we're just passing through?

The Princess.

Please!

The Ogre's gonna have my hide if I let you go without some molestation.

- Frell you, Hansel! - Why is it never my turn?

Hey look, we... we... we don t wanna kiss the princess.

We just want that... that green door there. - Please, eat me!

It's my turn!

Eat me! Please, kill me! It's my turn!

Shut up!

Okay. So you want out?

No princess, no tastes, no, uh...

Now, this is too easy.

She tastes great.

Ah, she tastes real great. - Please, eat me. Yummy, yummy.

Go on.

Yummy, yummy.

Don't go. Eat me.

That's it! That's it.

Go to the door.

Damn!

Way too long in that thing.

Pip, come on.

Pilot?

Aeryn? D'Argo?

Crichton, where the frell are you?

Oh, just trying to get home, Auntie Em.

Hey, you guys got a problem?

Scorpius.

Just do not tell me that he has escaped.

He has.

And there's a Command Carrier on the way.

D'Argo, how the hell did that happen?!

Still working on that. We've got lots of bugs in Moya's systems.

Oh, great. Well, what does Sikozu say about that?

Haven't heard from her since the escape.

But Pilot's losing control of critical systems.

Right, right, right. We will be there ASAP.

Chiana, dammit, wake up!

All right.

All right, how the hell does this thing come off?

Where's Chiana?

Ah, she's too bony.

Probably tastes like fish.

You don't wanna eat her.

The bloody bitch bites.

What am I, chopped liver?!

I do not have time for this.

How come nobody ever wants to eat me?!

In here!

Where?

In here!

Back so soon? And I thought you didn't like us.

Where's Chiana?

Could you be more specific?

Little grey girl. A sword and a floppy hat.

Girl of grey with swords at play.

Girl of grey went that a way.

Wait for it!

Mind the gap.

Eenie, meenie...

Floor, please. - ...me.

Where the grey girl went.

Oh-oh-oh-oh... the penthouse. Mmm.

Do you have an appointment?

You know, this would be vaguely amusing if I wasn't in a hurry.

It's your funeral. So-so-so what-what brings you here? Business?

Pleasure?

Hmm... That's a nice sword you've got.

Ever slay any dragons with it?

You should give it a name. How about Cameron or Uma-Uma-Uma?

First floor-first floor, little lost girls.

Have a good day.

Whoa!

Yes, I know. This elevator sucks.

My job su-su-su-sucks.

Day after day, the same-same thing.

Up. Down. Up. Down. Down.

Just once-just once, it'd be nice to go sideways.

Just-just sideways.

Frog Princes!

Not-not that I plan on doing this forever-ever.

I have plans, you know. Big plans.

I- I'm studying to be an astronaut.

And, penthouse.

Have a good day.

I knew it.

I knew it had to be you!

Ma'am!

A visitor.

Yes, I can see that.

I'm so sorry, Ma'am.

I didn't realize you were expecting other guests.

That's all right, Harvey.

Would you let the master know that we have a gentleman caller?

He's not the Ogre?

What, Harvey?

Oh heavens no. He's just an incorrigible liar.

And the butler.

So, can I help you find someplace to sheathe that sword?

No, where's, uh...

The grey girl?

Don't you worry about her.

My beast of a boyfriend is showing her around the place.

Can I get you a drink?

No. - Oh, don't be like that.

You must be parched from coming all this way.

I only want Chiana.

Oh now,

we both know that's not true.

Honey!

We're out of ice.

Steady on there, meat.

We just finished redecorating the last bloodbath we had in here.

It's a little joke.

So.

You here to kiss the missus?

Why do you have to be such a monster?

At least I don't spend my days redecorating.

What is it with women and change?!

Seems like nothing is ever good enough.

Oh! You have to save me from him! Please! You have to save me! -Chiana!

Hey! - What the hell have you been doing?

We have a problem on the ship. We have to go! - Okay.

See? Every time we meet someone nice, you scare them away.

Something wrong? - You scare them away!

Of course, as usual. Now let's go!

Frell.

D! Rally the troops, we're coming in.

What took you so long?

Weird detour.

Pilot's blind on the hamman side, Tiers Seven and Eleven.

DRD's are searching there.

It's likely Scorpius is hiding in those blind spots.

The plan is, we hunt him down.

Like that plan.

Aeryn and John you take Tier Seven. - Okay.

And Rygel, stay where you are and stay out of trouble.

This is familiar.

What, the passageway?

No.

It's good to have you back.

Crichton. Aeryn. He's here!

On our way, Pilot.

Seal the chamber.

Locked out.

D'Argo!

Pilot?

Pip?

Crichton, I can't find D'Argo.

Access shaft, this way.

Feels like a trap.

Only one way to know.

Pilot?

You all right?

Everything is finally under control.

Pilot?

Not exactly, Commander.

Have you ever heard of a neural harness?

Your Pilot's mind is now slave to my own.

John. - Whatever happens to the master...

happens to the slave.

If I die,

so does your Pilot.

Grayza's Command Carrier is on the way.

He's a pathological liar.

Our odds are not going to get any better.

Feeling lucky?

Aeryn?

He's awake.

He did it, didn't he?

Tagged you with a microchip?

You haven't considered the possibility that I was protecting Pilot.

The second boot to the head convinced me otherwise.

She's special, don't you think?

You son of a bitch.

Shall we end this?

You resisted the Aurora Chair.

You've resisted my neural clone and, uh, you resist all reason.

You're starting to sound like Sikozu.

Perhaps.

Where does that leave us, John?

Time you headed off for darker pastures and left me the hell alone.

You resist because you have hope.

Hope that your friends will save you.

This time it will be different.

One by one, I will extinguish all your hopes

and little by little you will begin to see reason.

Scorpius.

We have Rygel.

Lovely girl.

I hear that one quarter Scarran-Sebacean offspring are quite handsome.

You harm me, you harm her.

Psst. Hey.

Crichton.

Down here.

I've got the game.

Chiana!

Shh. They're sleeping.

Okay. I don't wanna have to deal with them now.

Okay, Scorpius has got control over the whole of the ship.

He's got D'Argo and Rygel, everybody.

He can hear everything. Not in here.

Right. We can't kill the son of a bitch without hurting the others.

Whatever happens to him happens to everybody he controls.

So leave me the game blob thingy.

When I take him down, you have to find a way to hog tie everybody.

So you're gonna draw Scorpius into the game?

What are you doing?

Working on what your master wants.

So you still think that he controls me.

Does he?

Look, the only thing that keeps you alive is the secret you hold.

And the same is true for me.

He's hearing all this, you know.

I know.

I should never have let you go.

Most of this floor you should recognize.

It's an equation describing the behavior of wormholes.

What it lacks is the single unifying symbol.

That symbol is beneath my left foot.

Would you like to see it?

You would give it to me?

I want you to take it.

Your species has brutal flair.

Anyone else enters this room,

I can spill enough blood to erase the entire equation.

Very well.

You know if you kill me...

Oh, I don't think that's going happen, not after all you've survived.

Then again, I could get lucky.

Oh, crap. I wasn't...

Quick, this way.

He's not supposed to come from that direction.

Really, John? You expect to hold me in a simulation?

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

This world means nothing to me.

I see through it's very existence.

John! Please! - Allow me to show you what I see.

Having trouble breathing?

I wonder if you die now,

whether your mind will carry the wormhole knowledge with it, into the game.

Relax, John.

Soon it'll be over.

He was killing you. I couldn't let that happen.

We have to get out of here before he comes out.

Come on.

What about the others?

We can't save the others. Listen.

John, I came back for you.

Nothing else matters, I just...

want to be with you.

Now let's get out of here before it's too late.

Something's wrong.

Something's wrong.

Does this mean it's over?

Chiana!

What's wrong?

Everything.

We're still in the game.

No.

We never left.

Moya is part of the game.

They changed the doors.

Figured it out, have we?

Stark!

What the hell is this about?

This is all about you, John Crichton.

You're far too sick to be allowed to run free in the universe.

When you die on the outside, your mind will live on.

Here, with us.

Welcome home, John.

How the hell do we get out of this game? - I don't know.

Then this better work. - Okay.

Careful. It's your last one.

What the hell's the endgame?

One hero's sword to set her free-free-free,

one kiss upon her lips so sweet,

thus ends your quest, thus ends the game-game,

and thus your soul is saved.

Oh, we already heard that. - Yeah, I know that.

But finding a door out may be impossible.

If we die, it only resets a level.

One sure way out, we achieve the endgame.

We're gonna kiss the princess.

Run, run, run, as fast as you can. Float like a budong.

Not in the face!

Bastard wants us to play, let's give him what he wants.

That hurt, John.

Stark. Ha.

So how'd you do it? Who helped?

You did.

You and that tragic brother,

pouring his heart out on his death bed.

Bull.

This game has crap he couldn't know.

It's crap you gave me along the way.

You talk so much.

Oh, God, no Sikozu, no Noranti.

Very good.

Damn, I guess that leaves one question.

Plants.

Why do they love the light?

Oh... John.

Oh!

Ha.

None shall pass.

Where is he?

What are they doing here?

It's my turn!

You are disturbing my meal.

Chiana? - Yeah?

Does this room seem too easy?

- What do you mean?

I mean, first time here. How did you make it through?

Uh...

Chiana, what's Aeryn's secret?

What?

Aeryn's secret.

What about me?!

Hey. - Huh?

Eat this.

Aeryn's pregnant.

Frell, Crichton! You left me there for arns! I could've died.

Sorry about that.

What is it with women and change?

You-You-You really are John Crichton.

Can I get an autograph?

Master.

We have guests.

I'm here for the princess.

I can see that. So romantic.

You up for this? Could be fun.

Let's screw the pooch.

I'm all about fun.

Hurrah.

Game on.

I learned this on TV.

I'm not gonna clean up.

- Ooh! Come on, Harvey. - Stop fightin' like a girl!

You need more practice, meat!

I'll make a note.

Oh, good. I can see who wears the pants in your family.

Redecoratin'. Blood everywhere!

She just killed you.

Honey, the butler's dead.

Hey, Pip... - Yeah?

Little help! - Frell.

That's it, finish him off.

Two against one!

Looks like I won't be having that drink, after all!

He's mine.

How am I doin'?

Coming back for you.

I hope so.

Oh, child!

Well, she's done it now.

Women!

Go on.

Are you really John Crichton?

Yeah.

We are gonna be so happy together.

Chiana?

Uh...

I don't know.

What do you mean, you don't know?

I don't know.

Hey, I know.

Maybe you have to do more than just kiss her.

Maybe "kiss" is a metaphor for showing her a really good time.

Mmm.

Yeah, and maybe Chiana has to kiss her. Huh?

Can I watch? I love to watch.

She is not the princess.

What?

Oh.

Well, I'm not the princess you seek,

but we could still have a really good time.

This is my world, meat!

You're just walking through it for a very long time.

When your body is dead, your mind will live here, with us, to strut and fret forever.

You poor player.

Crichton?

Game reset.

What are you doing, John do-do-doing, John?

Your world, your princess.

Princess, princess, pr-princess.

One-One pr-princess fair, her bro-broken heart

by ug-ugliness enslaved, ug-ugliness-ugliness enslaved.

Ugliness enslaved.

John, we can work this out.

One hero's sword to set her free.

- Don't touch her! - She's mine! Mine!

Be silent, Stark.

Is that really you, John Crichton?

I think, yeah.

And you're...

Zhaan.

For all that matters.

This Stark wishes to keep you here.

He blames you.

No.

Believes I died for the love of you.

A lot of people have died because of me.

What is it that you wish of me, John Crichton?

A kiss.

Have you wasted my death, and the deaths of so many others?

I don't know.

Then I suggest you find out,

before anyone else dies for the love of you.

No.

Son of a bitch!

D! D'Argo!

John, where are you?

Uh...

I'm not entirely sure right now. What's up with Scorpius?

We had a small problem with his door, but that's already sorted.

You're long overdue. Is everything okay?

Hey, hey, we're not dead.

How drad is that?

Mmm. Interesting day?

They're all interesting.

This was more like... confusing.

And a warrior needs clarity.

I'm not a warrior.

You carry a weapon.

Second Amendment.

Besides, it's Scorpy's war, not mine.

Thousands dead, billions in the balance.

But that's not the war I'm speaking of.

Aeryn.

The war of the heart.

Always Aeryn.

Yeah, I don't... think too clear where Aeryn is concerned.

Pain clouds judgment.

Distillate of Laka.

One whiff, and the pain is gone,

for a time.

It'll help you forget about Aeryn.

Oh, and please don't thank me.

It's been 150 cycles since I've...

since I've felt for someone the way you do for her.

Hmm.

I hear I was a princess.