Original subtitles

With tough times come tough decisions.

But through it all, there's one place you can always turn to

to help make your decisions...

A little bit easier.

For 25 years, people across this great nation have trusted

all city insurance to take care of their families,

their homes, and their futures.

All city insurance.

Always there.

All the time.

All in!

Good afternoon la.

You good looking thing you.

Sam yates here just kickin' back.

Havin' the time of my life.

That's because I'm not stuck in traffic with you.

Here on another smog filled lovely day here in la.

The 405, forget it.

Come on, asshole!

It's Steven, your agent.

Laugh out loud.

Well cheese and crackers and muddy water.

I don't know what you did today in that audition,

but marcia horwitz... She loved you.

She's a huge fan, Jim.

She said you did a great job.

But uh, well, it's not going to go any farther, Jim.

They're- they're going in a completely different direction

on this movie. I don't know what they're thinking...

But anyway, um, I know we haven't had the best of luck

in a very long while.

But you know what...

Something big's gonna happen soon, kiddo.

I can feel it.

Hang in there, honey. Ciao.

Hi, it's tiff.

Aka tificult.

Listen, I know you're mad at me.

But I'm sorry I flaked on you.

Let's just go out tonight and rage or something.

Ok?

Oh, and can I use your car again?

Mine's fucked.

Hey hey, it's your old buddy len.

Do you remember me?

You better be coming to that reunion, alright?

I'm tired of just seeing your face on that commercial.

I'd like to actually touch my friend.

Hold on a second... That didn't sound right.

Anyway, uh let me know, brother.

T says to keep it out your mouth.

I assume he means penis.

Skunk is drunk.

Again.

good lord, Jim, give me my shorts back!

No way, fatass.

Hey skunk, don't put your dick in the water.

Yeah, some fish is gonna think your dick is a worm.

I need my dick, Jim.

I need my dick.

Jim Owens, give skunk his swimsuit back.

All of you get over here.

I want to take a picture.

Only if I get a kiss, Laurie.

With tongue this time.

Sush.

I'm gonna push you in.

Say cheese.

white zone is for immediate loading and unloading

of passengers only.

No parking.

I thought I was getting away from you.

Look at 'em. Talking to himself.

Literally.

Hey Jim, you know how many asses have sat on your face

in this town alone?

You guys are a little late, aren't ya?

I've gotta hug him, man.

Just get him.

Hey Jimmy!

How you doin' man?

Hey Jim, check it out.

Always there, all the time.

Balls deep.

I'm fucking your face.

You like it.

Get your dick off my face.

So you finally decided to come back and

visit your old pals, huh?

Hey you guys could have come out and visited me.

Man you know Annette wouldn't let me go to Los Angeles.

Shit.

She knows my black ass wouldn't come back.

Hey, a lot of people going to the reunion?

Should be a pretty good turn out, considering

they canceled the last one.

Why did they cancel it?

Probably because it wasn't enough time for principal

teagley to forgive us for all the shit we did.

Hey, is Laurie going?

I don't know.

You don't keep in touch with her anymore, do ya?

It's been a long time.

I think she's got a boyfriend anyway.

She's datin' someone.

Yeah, well good for her.

She's a good catch.

I'm surprised she's not married by now.

Come on guys, what's with all this soap opera shit, huh?

This is your night, Jim.

What do you want to do, man?

How about the knob?

Did I hear the knob?

You heard me say the knob.

Knob.

The knob.

The knob.

The knob!

Let's twist it up at the knob.

alright, are you ready to throw a few back?

I might have one or two.

What, did you grow a vagina out in California?

Cali-Gina.

You know what? I got this one.

No, no, wait a minute.

You're money's no good here Hollywood.

Thank you.

Hollywood, huh?

Is that my new nickname, Debbie Gibson?

Hey, Debbie Gibson cranked out many excellent,

excellent heads, ok?

Cheers.

Boys.

Who is that?

Angie Kramer.

Castle cheerleader '92.

Just one year?

Bitch got pregnant.

Ooh, she at it again.

Jim Owens, I heard you were coming into town,

but I did not believe it.

Angie Kramer, how have you been?

You know, busy...

I bet.

You're....?

Oh. baby loves that.

So, do you need a date for the reunion Saturday?

I am really, im honestly flattered.

I just- I can't because...

I told the boys I was just gonna kinda go with them.

But, fuck, I'd love to do that.

Alright. I mean is it because I'm pregnant, or?

I can't make it. I'm uh... taken.

Shut up, skunk.

Like you had a chance.

So, what're you guys- what do you boys got

planned for the weekend?

Going to Kramer's lake?

That lake has been closed for years.

Yeah, t, it's called a joke.

Your joke was a joke.

Your sweater is a joke.

Your birth control is a joke.

Ok, your hair is a joke.

Your food stamps are a joke.

Oh really?

Your watch is fake.

You're like a fake person.

Actually, we don't have a lot planned.

Besides for the reunion, and len's having

a litte barbeque tomorrow.

Oh, sweet.

Oh, len.

Do you mind if i bring my little ones?

No, of course. The more the merrier.

Awesome.

Ok, well I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Cheers to that.

Good stuff. Cheers to that.

You think you should? Alright.

Go for it.

Ok.

I haven't seen you in a while.

Alright, bye guys.

She's gonna have a hills have eyes kid.

You know Molly is gonna kill me.

Why?

Len slept with her in high school.

So what, everyone slept with Angie Kramer

back in high school.

Not while you were dating your soon to be wife?

Shame.

I didn't sleep with Angie Kramer in high school.

Did you sleep with anybody in high school?

Your dad.

What?

Alright, my wife is really gonna kill me.

You're gonna be alright.

I'm sure she forgot all about it by now.

It's been a long time.

Brother, you don't know Molly.

What about you?

Yeah, I bet you got all sorts of ass just throwin' themselves

at you out there in Hollywood.

Oh yeah, I'm just dodging pussy.

Come on, give us something man.

Hollywood is like a pussy pinata.

I don't have any...

There- give us some dirt. -Come on man.

I kinda hooked up with a Lakers cheerleader once.

Ha!

Jim, how old was she?

I don't know. She was like 22.

Wooo.

22, oh I'm impressed.

Jim, you have got to start datin' someone your own age man.

You gotta date someone that you have at least a little bit of

something in common with.

Yeah.

Someone who likes that shitty ass eighties music like you do.

I'm trying, alright?

But it doesn't really exist out there.

You're just not looking in the right places.

You'll find somebody.

I hope.

Pray to sweet Jesus you do.

you gotta be kidding me.

Huh?

Get up.

Laurie Miller.

Hey.

Too long. Too long.

Yeah, a little bit.

Too long of a hug. It was weird.

What are the odds of that?

That's some Casablanca shit right there.

Man, you should've said something.

Hey, hey, I was going to.

He's here for, what? 4 or 5 days.

I thought there was a very good chance that they might

not bump into each other.

Well they bumped.

I just hope they don't bump.

Bump. bump.

Bump.

What are you doing home?

The reunion.

What are you doing at the knob?

Mark had a business thing at the back.

Oh. your boyfriend?

Fiance.

I'm getting married next weekend.

Didn't len tell you?

Yeah. no, len told me.

I just, uh, I thought it was next month for some reason.

Congratulations, that's great.

Thanks.

You're more than welcome to come.

That'd be a little weird.

Come on, we dated when we were like kids.

Kids don't...

Shush!

I see you on bilboards and buses.

I'm proud of you.

You look good.

You look good.

I look awesome.

Yes you do.

Wah!

Oh, I hate it when you do that.

Hey, how are you?

I'm good.

Wait a minute, I know you. Don't I?

Uhh, I don't know...

Always there.

Where?

All the time.

This is Jim, honey.

Hollywood Jim.

That's my nickname now.

Oh man, I remember you. Of course.

How's the leg been holding up, partner?

Mark lochyear?

Times running out here in the 4th quarter.

The castle knights need a touchdown desperately

or their season is over.

Here's a snap.

Johsnon looks downfield.

He sees a man.

It's Jim Owens.

Caught by Jim Owens.

He is at the 40.

He's at the 30.

Oh, what a block.

He might go all the way.

Owens is at the ten.

Ohh, he is rocked by Mark lochlear

just short of the goal line.

That one has got to hurt.

Ow, my leg.

And the castle knights come up just short.

How's the leg, partner?

Haha.

I didn't even realize he was the same guy

until months into dating.

It was a long time ago. He's grown up.

Yeah, I've grown up.

Hey girl, how you doin' Laurie?

Hey, you guys remember Mark.

-How you doin' Mark? Hey fellas.

Is that skunk?

Oh yeah.

That fool has been drinking since birth.

Say Laurie, do you still live on south broadview?

Until the real estate agent here sells our house,

that's where we live.

'Cause that's near skunk house, and...

We've been drinking a little bit.

Would you mind taking his fatass home for us?

Oh sure. Of course.

We were just leaving anyway.

Would you put him in our truck?

I've known him since i was like nine.

First weenie I ever saw.

Oh yuck.

Alright, Laurie. Great to see you, Mark.

Take care. -Pleasure.

Something's never change.

Come on, skunk.

I don't need to if i don't' want to.

Hey, see you around man.

Think fast.

Hey bill, how's it going?

Excuse me, honey.

Laurie?

Uh, you know, len's having a little barbeque tomorrow.

You guys should stop by.

Don't you mean a whiffle ball game?

And isn't that for kids.

Yes and yes.

What time?

Whenevs.

Whenevs.

Ready? -yes.

Bye. -see ya.

Alright.

damnit Freeman.

My bad, team.

You're worst at bat. Terrible.

How can you not hit a plastic ball?

You're a grown man.

I'm not good with the slow pitches.

He's really good at pitching.

You're a shitfaced redneck.

I won't disagree with you there.

C'mon, the guy just lost his job.

I don't give a shit. I'm losing this game.

Yes you are, you're losing.

Alright I'm going to take a piss and grab a beer.

Who wants one?

I do. -Alright.

Hey Carter. Hey

that's not Carter.

That's Nixon.

Carter died about five years ago, but you wouldn't know that

because you never come home.

Looks just like Carter.

You came.

I did.

Where's the, uh, where's the lucky guy?

Oh, he's showing a house.

He'll be here in a bit.

Nice.

How long have you guys, you know, dated?

A little over a year.

So what about you, you seeing somebody?

I mean, you are getting out there?

I'm sorta dating someone.

Sort of?

Wow.

Sounds intriguing.

What's his name?

Her name is Tiffany.

She goes by tificult.

She uh, listens to small Wayne and she rages.

It's lil' Wayne.

Lil?

Lil.

Lil Wayne.

I was close.

I mean the same thing. Small and lil'.

So what's it like doing those commericials?

It looks like a pretty easy job.

You know, it's easy I guess.

It's also a little embarrassing.

I went out there to become an actor,

not an insurance salesman.

Is that why you're back?

Are you having some sort of midlife crisis and you thought

reliving the glory days with your boys

was gonna solve everything?

You know what, there's nothing wrong with coming back and

having some good times with some old friends.

Hey I didn't say that there was.

Then why aren't you and Clark going to the reunion?

Mark has a bachelor party that night.

Great, than you can go with all of us.

Is the whole gang going?

Yeah, everybody's goin'.

We're all goin'. It's a gaggle of us.

Alright, I'm in.

Really? you're in?

I'm in.

You're in. Urine?

No I'm in.

I'm all in.

All the time.

How dare you?

I had to.

Jim, Jim.

Hey buddy, we're all waitin' for you, man.

Hey Laurie.

Laurie is going to the renuion with us.

That's fantastic, man.

That's so cool.

See ya.

Jerk.

I hate it when you do that.

Hi baby.

I brought you a casserole.

Thank you. Did you sell the house?

Yes, I did.

Congrats, that's great.

How's the barbeque?

Hey you know what sweetie, i think I'm going to go to the

reunion thing tomorrow night.

What? why?

'Cause Jim's going.

No, I just haven't seen a bunch of my old friends in awhile.

I think it'll be fun.

Aren't you going with a bunch of strippers

to your bachelor party?

Uh, well I'm not going with the strippers to the bachelor party,

but yes, there's gonna be strippers there.

C'mon. let's go say hi to everybody.

Freeman, hold on to the bat.

Damnit. you're going to kill someone.

Hi Molly.

Laurie!

We were just talking about you.

Hi Mark.

Great to see you again.

Out! -shit!

You're out.

Alright that means your ghost runner stays on third, alright?

You gotta push him in man.

The old push.

Pushy push.

Same old Jim.

You're up Freeman.

No man, I'm out.

Dude, my knee is jacked.

I've gotta stretch out.

Well I guess that's forfeit then.

Damn.

I'm gonna kill skunk.

Even his dumb ass is better than Freeman.

Where is skunk?

I mean I hope he's alright.

Hey Mark, you play?

Uh, I played a little college ball.

Yes, but did they play with bucket rules in college?

Boom.

I don't know, let's find out.

Here we go.

Yo, yo, yo.

Woah.

When he pitches the ball and it goes in the bucket, you're out.

No questions asked, right.

It doesn't matter if it hits your bat or your dick or your

or your pussy. You're out.

Also...

They hit you with the water balloon.

Hahah. no I'm serious.

In your face.

And it hurts bad, dude.

It's happened to me a lot in my lifetime.

Alright, he's comin' in for me.

I'm worthless.

Yeah you are.

Eat me out.

You know the rules.

I got it.

Alright, Jim strike him out.

Ohh water balloon. Ohh

swing and miss Jackie chan.

Get him. Get him.

Sorry.

I gotta- it's the rules, you know?

I fucking told you Eddie Bauer.

Oooh.

That was the worse throw I've seen in my entire life.

My dad's sister throws better than that.

The one nobody talks about.

Hahah.

Hey, that shit ain't funny.

Oh my god.

Stop laughing at me man.

I'm sorry.

len!

I'm sorry.

Get your ass in this house now.

Who invited her?

Len plowed her in high school, remember?

Uh, mind if I pop a squat?

No please.

Squat.

How could you invite that slut?!

Don't tell me to calm down.

Everybody can hear you.

I don't care if everyone can hear me.

Whore!

So, how's the pregnancy coming?

It's comin'.

I hope this one comes out a little...

Riper than the others.

Dumbass.

I'm gonna tell mom!

Mom doesn't give a crap.

You must be so proud.

Hell no.

It's embarrassing, but what are you going to do.

Can't exactly shove the bastard back up there, can you?

It'd be great if you could.

Can you?

I'm not going to put a baby back inside of me.

What's the matter with you guys?

Oh, Ron?

Can you get me a diet Pepsi?

Easy on the ice.

Still got it, Freeman.

So what have you guys been up to?

Gosh, do you think you should be smokin' at seven months?

They're lights.

It's fine.

Lights.

Want one?

No, thank you.

I like living.

Oh gosh, well congrats on that.

Cannot wait for the wedding.

Are you coming?

Yeah go team!

Woo.

Yeah go team!

Safe!

Really?

We know he's safe.

He's been on second for minutes.

You want to sass me like that again in front of everybody,

I'll throw you out of here faster than you can say...

You're out.

Thank you. Can you go back to drinking?

You're out.

Safe!

Hey, Hollywood, you ready to play or what?

Come on, he can't pitch.

Knock it over the fence, honey, c'mon.

Woo.

Come on lover boy.

Shit!

Kramer!

Woo yeah, uh huh.

What are you doing?

Oh you know what I'm doing.

I'm just pushing it.

Pushing it.

Woo!

Good job.

You were great.

Don't make a scene.

Everyone looks like they're having such a nice time.

I got it under control.

Does somebody want to tell me-

anybody! you!

Zz top!

What the hell happened to me last night?

Oh my god!

Oh my god.

Where's my clothes?

Who are you?

What are you doing?

Somehow I woke up in my neighbor's pick up truck.

And he was in the nude.

I mean who would do that to him?

Oh, it's ok Carol.

It's ok, it's ok.

Which one of you guys drove me home?

We didn't- we didn't take you home.

This dude.

Yeah, he took you home.

Yeah, yeah, it was Mark.

What?

You got something you wanna tell me, buddy?

Hang on pal.

I took Laurie home and then i took you to your place

and that's it. You were hammered.

Oh was I now?

Yeah.

Did you rape me son?

What?

Did you rape me?

Woah, woah.

Nobody rapes me.

No! guys, can you help me out?

I didn't rape anyone.

You know what you get when you rape a skunk?

No.

You get covered in ass sauce.

Ew.

What doest that even mean?

You better stock up on tomato juice, guy.

'Cause I'm liftin' my tail.

You're weird. -Skunk...

now get out of here you old farts.

Drive safe.

Hey, Freeman.

You know she's pregant, right?

You know what they say?

You can't get 'em preganant twice.

Ron Freeman.

Is that what they say?

Get over here and open up the door.

I'm comin'.

Kids!

Where are my kids?

Kids!?

Hey, you ready for tomorrow night?

Yes I am.

What's this?

The baby goes in there.

Somebody took the baby.

Somebody took- [baby crying]

Oh sorry, we got her right here.

Hey jimbo, he's still safe.

Remember at second?

I remember

safe!

Sweet car.

Sweet wax job, too.

Night Freeman.

Now fart throwin' has always been a tradition.

So what you want to do son is you wanna cup it,

ok?

And then when you catch it, what you want to do is a thing

called the garvin, ok?

When your dad was in junior high school,

he played basketball with a guy named Larry garvin.

Now this guy would just roll the basketball

right off his fingertips, huh?

So cup

Catch.

Roll.

Right in there.

Put it right in the old Tom Selleck.

Wham. garvin. Ya understand?

Land it right there.

Right on the old catfish hunter.

Right there on Freddie murcury.

Snap, crackle, garvin.

Right there on the old clip mantle.

Let them smell the pineapple juice.

There it is.

Now you go play with your face.

You're daddy's gotta get ready for his reunion.

Len, do you think that Jim is going to try to mess

things up with Mark and Laurie?

No, no, no, no.

He's just having some fun with his friends, baby.

He hasn't been home in a long time.

Is that my mustang?

Woo hoo.

Hey what are you doing?

She sounds good.

You've been taking care of my girl.

No, no, no.

She is my girl and has been ever since you gave her to me

for my wedding gift.

You know, this is great.

I didn't expect to have this much fun being back.

I went to pizza king today and had a strong.

Remember the grocery mart?

It's a Bob's gym now.

Who the hell is Bob?

Bob swallows.

I bet he does.

No, no, Bob swallows.

It's the guy who owns the gym.

We went to high school with him.

Oh that's right.

You know, I guess...

I'm surprised that you remember all that.

I mean, man your life is so exciting.

You get to go to Lakers games.

You get to party with Lohan and Hilton.

I do not party with Lohan and Hilton.

Hey len, you wouldn't care if I, uh...

Picked up Laurie in the old ride, would ya?

What?

Ah Jim.

You know that she's getting married, right?

We are going as friends.

Alright?

I thought it would be cool to pick her up in my old ride.

Len, I'm an adult.

You sure?

Yeah.

Is that why your fly is down, Mr. adult?

How did you notice that?

The whole time?

I think I saw it the second you got out of the car, man.

C'mon, what do you say?

Yeah, go on. -Alright!

Get outta here.

Thank you, dad.

This is gonna be fun.

We're gonna have a good time tonight.

Just don't mess it up.

you are such a dork.

Yes I am.

C'mon let me see those moves.

There you go.

Alright.

Where is everybody?

Music's a little loud.

I can't hear you.

Oh no.

We're meeting them there.

C'mon, I don't want to be late.

Ok.

Slow down.

It's faster than I remember.

and there's a special request from Jim Owens

to Laurie Miller for their high school reunion

tonight at castle.

Also want to congratulate Tom lally who just won

a free chicken dinner for two at grandy's

over on green river road. On your favorite radio station

hot 96.

there they are.

Hollywood.

Looking good man.

So glad you came.

Oh shit, look who's coming.

You guys, you can't call him skunk in front of his wife.

Carol hates it.

Well what should we call him then?

By his real name.

What is it?

Stewart.

It's Stewart.

Stewart?

Yeah.

I've been hangin' out with a Stewart all these years.

I refuse to say that.

Well isn't your first name Tracy?

Fuck you Jim.

That shit was in the vote, man.

It's a family name.

Stewart!

That's you, sweetie.

Hey sk- Stewart.

How you guys doing?

Great.

I don't know what this is, but we'll talk about that later.

You look nice. You look very sharp.

How 'bout that.

Sup stew pants?

Nice cardigan.

C'mon t, give me a break, huh?

What's this color scheme? Bruised anus?

What?

Hey is that punch?

Get out of my way.

Remind me not to have the punch.

Mr. Owens.

Are you getting these boys in trouble again?

Principal teagley.

What are you doing here?

I am the principal.

That is what I am doing here.

Who's that guy staring at us?

That is the assistant principal.

Show him some respect, damnit.

I just stopped by to say hello to some of our

more successful students

who have kindly donated to our high school

over the years.

You didn't get my donation?

I did not.

I did hear about you going out to California

to become something, what?

An actor.

Oh look at me.

I'm an actor.

La di da di da da.

Woah.

Look at me, huh.

An actor. An actor.

Woah, I'm an actor.

Look at me.

What ever happened with that?

Ok.

You think that your shit doesn't stink.

Don't you Mr. Owens?

Well let me tell you something.

It stunk back in '94 when you boys shit up my gym floor,

and all the other shit you put me through.

And it stinks now.

Your breath stinks

forever.

Honestly, did you take a shit on your mustache?

I got my eye on you.

One wrong move, and I will line all four of you up,

and fuck you square in the ass.

Jesus Christ.

Wow.

Why would you do that?

Stewart, get away from that punch bowl.

God damnit.

What was that about?

I don't know. I didn't say anything.

Hey, hey, hey.

Len, len.

Listen.

Red punch, good.

Yellow punch, not so good.

Stewart.

why am I blindfolded?

I know what's gonna happen.

Brother, you have no idea.

These are all weird sounds.

We're at your house.

Yeah!

Friends and strippers!

Ron Freeman.

What are you doing here?

Checkin' shit out.

Did you even graduate with this class?

No, I don't think I did.

Did you graduate at all?

No.

Ron!

You know that girl?

Yes, I do.

And she didn't graduate either.

Mark, Mark, Mark!

Last time to have a good time, and get away with it.

Wait!

Feathers.

You're a big boy, aren't ya?

Yes.

I like big boys.

You do?

Boobs.

Yes, yes.

I can't do this, I can't.

I'm so sorry.

You're so pretty and sparkly, but I'm sorry.

I have a fiance.

Woo.

Woah, got me drunk.

Molly you only had half a wine cooler.

Stinker.

Oh c'mon, at least tell me I'll get to third base tonight.

If you're lucky.

I was lucky the first time.

Why wouldn't I be lucky now?

I haven't been here since your boyfriend broke my leg.

Oh yeah, that's too bad. You probably would've

gotten a full ride to devry or some other

tv/vcr repair school.

Does devry even have a football team?

I don't think so.

Hey, welcome everybody to castle high school football.

Woohoo, castle high.

That's so great. You sound like a real announcer.

I do? -Mmhmm

well I announce everything I say.

We got us a real bar burner down there, don't we sweetheart?

Don't be shy.

You gotta say something, sweetie.

You're my co person.

I don't want to.

Alright, back to the game then.

There he is, Jim Owens, making a play down the field.

C'mon, come and get it.

You're gonna get it. You're gonna get it!

Ahh!

Jim Owens, running down the 40 yard line.

And he's at the 30 yard line.

And he just went back to the 50 yard line.

And he's down.

Down for the count.

Coincidentally right where lauirie Miller

lost her virginity

You were there too.

Remember when we used to cruise up and down

green river road on a Friday night?

And you kept playing metallica's black album over and over again.

Woo, that was a great album.

No it's not.

You loved it.

No, I loved you.

So, are you happy?

Why wouldn't I be?

That's not a yes.

Ok.

Are you happy?

I think so.

You think.

Who really knows if they're happy or not?

Well happy people, I guess.

Did you ever go to Disney world without me?

How could I go to the happiest place on earth without the

greatest girl on earth?

Shut up. You are so corny.

I wasn't even talking about you.

Oh no, who were you talking about?

Tificult?

Ooh.

Somebody's jealous of tificult.

I am not jealous of tificult.

You are totally jealous ot tificult.

You have put me in a tificult situation.

I don't even know what to say.

They're adults.

I don't like it.

C'mon shootin' star.

Make a wish.

It already came true.

Oh, sixteen candles.

I love that movie.

Me too.

Oh Ron, yeah, yeah.

Uh, uh.

Oh Ron.

Yeah, yeah.

What's wrong?

You wanna change positions or something?

My knees a little banged up but i could do doggie if you want.

Is that it?

No.

I'm- I'm giving it all I got.

No, I just don't even know how I got here.

You were up in the bleachers and you did like that basic instinct

move where you open your legs and show the downstairs...

I used to be really popular.

And I was a cheerleader in high school.

And I was on top of the world.

And now I've got three kids and one on the way.

Oh fuck, Ron.

Listen to me.

I grew this mustache in third grade.

Alright?

I bought beer.

I bought cigarrettes.

I bought dip.

Everyone wanted to hang with Ron.

All the girls loved me.

And then 'bout junior year in high school,

every guy could grow a mustache.

I lost everything.

Nobody wanted to hang out with me, alright?

So things didn't exactly work out for me either, alright?

Yeah, but...

I'm a terrible person, Ron

because I don't even know who the dad is.

I don't know.

Fuck.

Oh no. Hey, hey.

Look at me, alright.

You are a beautiful person, ok?

Yeah.

And if you need help raisin' that thing, ok?

If you need anything, you call me, alright?

Because I don't got shit going on.

Ron Freeman.

Fuck me, Ron.

Yeah, Ron.

A cheerleader. I'm fucking a cheerleader.

Yeah, you are.

The hottest cheerleader in school.

You'll give me an "o" Ron.

Oh my god.

Oh Ron.

Oh shit, slow down.

This is embarrassing.

You driving me home.

This is a first.

I'll call you a cab.

I'll call you a cab, cab.

C'mon, take a little walk with me.

I don't think that's a good idea.

C'mon. help me sober up a bit.

Oh shit.

That was the curb, not me.

Ok, just for a little bit. It's a good idea.

You ok? I'm not even...

I'm totally cool.

Right up there on the left, Steve tibbles.

Didn't he kill somebody?

Yes he did.

You know what's funny about that?

Only friend my mother ever let spend the night.

She siad he was a good kid, came from a good family.

My mother was not a good judge of character.

Wait, she liked me.

Exactly.

Hey, why'd you decide to come back now?

What do you mean?

The reunion.

You don't come back for like eight years.

Suddenly you're excited about things you

never even noticed before.

You know, maybe I was so focused on getting out of here, I never-

I never really gave this place a chance.

Maybe what I've always needed

has been right here in front of me.

Oh my god.

Oh my god, Jim. Are you ok?

No.

We should get you some ice.

Maybe it was a sign.

What?

The sign that I bumped into.

Maybe it was a sign.

It was a sign.

A sign that you're drunk and you need to go home

and get some sleep.

I'm not drunk.

I had like two beers and some of skunk's urine.

Ew.

How's your head?

It's better.

What was that for?

Why didn't you ever call me? You jerk.

Are you serious, you want to talk about this now?

Yeah, I want to talk about this now.

I've waited ten year to talk about this.

I was- I was young and stupid.

And i- I didn't know what i wanted and I didn't think it was

fair if I kept you hangin' on.

Well I appreciate you letting me make my own decisions.

I just- I just got so caught up with all of it.

With all of what?

Becoming somebody.

I didn't want to come back until I was.

You were somebody to me.

I guess that wasn't enough.

I'm sorry.

You'll never know how sorry I am.

Did you hear something?

Laurie?

Shit.

What's he doing home?

Doesn't he live here?

Yes, but tonight was his bachelor party and he was

supposed to spend the night at his friend's house.

Go hide in the bathroom, then he'll pass out,

and then you can go downstairs and leave.

Just tell Mark what happened.

I'm sure he'll understand.

He's drunk.

That's not the time to be honest with anyone.

Go!

Hey sweetie.

Mmm, Laurie.

You awake?

Yes, I'm talking to you right now.

Why aren't you at your party?

I had...

It's ok.

Fuck!

My god, are you ok?

No!

Honey.

Can you get herpes from boobs?

Honey, take my pants off. I'm gonna poop.

Hey, are you ok?

I'm alright.

I'm just gonna sleep in my car for a bit.

You might want to rinse out your shower.

It's like the exorcist in there.

Ok.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I had fun.

Me too.

Go sleep in your car.

Go.

Alright, I'll see ya later.

Jim Owens, give skunk his swimsuit back.

Only if I get a kiss Laurie.

With tongue this time.

Hello?

Hey kiddo.

I know, I know it's early, but listen.

I got a call in late last night that they want you to do

another spot for all city.

They need you on the next flight out though.

Can you do that?

Jim?

Jim?

Are you still there?

Uh, listen. You know what 10% of nothing is, Jim?

It's nothing.

Let me get something straight.

Your agent calls telling you to get back to la, and you

randomly decide you're gonna stay here a few extra days.

Is there something you're not telling us?

I wasn't done having fun with my old friends yet, t.

Woo hoo.

Rolling!

We are cruising on green river road.

Check out these old fucks crusin'.

Nice ride, dude.

It's actually his.

I gotta mustang.

'69.

Hey grandpa, I'll be home by eleven, ok?

Eleven, huh?

Woo!

Hey, I'm gonna kick your old ass.

Oh, I'm so scared. Woah.

Look at my hand.

I can't even drive.

Hey take it buddy, c'mon.

You know what, it's my move.

You love my ass.

Ew.

They're teenagers, man.

Give it a rest.

Take it buddy.

I can't take his old ass. Let's get out of here.

You fucking turds.

Eat it. C'mon.

Eat some of this shit.

Congratulations, Jim.

You just outsmarted a bunch of 16 year olds.

Hey those guys were assholes.

We were never like that in high school.

Hey, speaking of assholes.

Mr. Owens.

Fuck you, asshole.

Actor pussy.

Alright, are you guys ready for a little adventure?

No.

Move your car, cock breath. [Honking]

Fuck off.

I said no.

Remember what teagley did to us, right?

Yeah man, but we deserved that shit.

I mean we did tell skunk to poop on the gym floor.

Yes, but declaring skunk mentally challenged...

That's unforgivable.

Damn shame.

He is mentally challenged.

Hey, I prefer retarded.

We were just kids, t.

This motherfucker was six months shy of jail and

already held back twice.

Eat my shaved pussy.

Jim.

Woah.

That felt awesome, didn't it?

Yeah, yeah it actually did.

I mean, we got that fucker. Didn't we?

What are we doing, Jim?

What do you mean?

We are in our thirties.

Why are we egging and soaping our old

high school prinicpal's house?

What difference does age make?

Because when you're fifteen, you get grounded.

When you're our age, you go to jail, man.

That motherfucker, he is a racist.

Ahh.

I don't think i thoroughly wiped.

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Actor pussy.

How's that for a donation?

God damnit.

What the hell?

Oh my goodness.

Get back in the house.

Get back in the house.

You're an angry person.

Fucking thesbian.

Oh, god damnit.

Smoking grass now.

Really?

Grass?

Who says grass?

You are old.

Give me that.

Look at him, breaking the law.

What would you guys say...

If I told you I still had feelings for Laurie?

Huh?

I would say you was high as shit.

Laurie?

What are you even talking about, man?

You don't even live here.

Maybe I could move back. I don't know.

You are high as shit.

What are you going to do for a job, Jim?

Huh, you're gonna be the spokesperson for pizza king?

Mondays are actually mondays for people around here, pal.

Laurie and I still have feelings for each other.

I can see it.

Wait a minute. Laurie Miller?

Yes, skunk.

Laurie fucking Miller.

Ok. sorry man.

I'm high as all fuck.

My head's all fucking twirled around like a fucking Chinese

fucking tea bag, man.

Fuck me.

You were teenagers, man.

You know how crazy this sounds?

I'm not sure she even loves that guy.

Shit.

You know Molly sensed this whole thing at the reunion?

Look I don't want to make you and Molly uncomfortable,

so I'll stay somewhere else.

Alright?

Well, I'll tell you what Jim...

Any guy who wants to follow his heart...

Could follow um... My ass to my house.

And you know where I live.

On a cul du sac.

So, if you- it goes like a circle shape.

How 'bout that?

Still got your Christmas lights on, huh skunk?

Yeah, it's always Christmas in my house, buddy.

Throw your shit right there behind the door.

So, welcome to my place, buddy.

Panneling.

Well, let me show you around.

Sure.

Alright.

Here's the living room here.

We got, uh, the dining room.

The kids rooms are out in the back.

And me and the old lady's bedroom, right here.

Stewart!

You are late, Stewart, huh?

You a bad boy.

You so late.

You know what happens when you are late, Stewart.

It makes Carol so mad.

Stewart.

Why you do this to Carol?

Why are you so late?

Huh? look at my Stewart, huh.

Stewart, look what you make me do to myself.

Stewart, look what you make me do.

Damnit Stewart, you live me here so horny all alone with this

whip in the bedroom, huh. -Sweetheart...

You at the dairy queen and shit?

Say something Stewart. What do you want to say to me?

Sweetheart. Carol.

What? -Carol. Carol.

Stewart. -Carol

Stewart.

Jim was thinking of maybe stayin' over

for a couple a nights.

That's is if you're ok with it.

Jim's here?

Hey Carol.

Hi Jim.

Whatchya been up to?

Are you hungry?

I'm good.

Can I draw you a bath?

Uh not a bather

Carol...

You look...

Great.

Ok.

Come here buddy.

Fuck off man.

That's crazy shit.

What?

I know she's shy around people, but she's

a serial killer in the sack.

Don't.

Just tell me where I sleep, ok?

Guest room buddy, on the couch.

It's pleather.

Have a good sleep.

Wow.

What the fuck are you doing?

Got ya.

I got ya, didn't I?

Yeah, you got me.

Now stop it. I'm naked.

This is fucking weird.

Look, it's not even real.

What you've got a fear boner or something?

What is wrong with you?

I got soap in my eye.

I'm fucking naked.

We're dudes.

Please say you're not taking a shit while I'm in the shower.

I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm just not gonna do that.

Fuck.

I'm gonna kill yah.

Oh, like you've never had a califlower, onion loaf before?

I think that looks perfect now.

It is.

Thank you so much.

Oh it's my pleasure.

She has such a tiny little waist,

I don't know how she does it.

She's never had a baby. That's how she does it.

Honey, I haven't had a baby either.

Come see what your bill is.

Not a great whistler.

What are you doing here?

Uncle Max told me you'd be here.

Jim Owens.

Hey.

Mrs. Miller, you look great.

Ohh, call me Tammy. You're not a kid anymore.

Mom.

You have a second to chat?

You guys go have fun.

I'm gonna go get a wax.

Tmi.

Bye.

Bye.

What is she getting waxed?

The mall hasn't changed much, has it?

No.

I like that.

I like when things don't change.

You know the other night was the most fun

I've had in a long time.

I just want you to know that.

Me too.

I hope you come see us more often.

Actually, i- I kinda wanted to talk to you about that.

What are you doing, Jim?

Ladies.

You're getting married.

You can't just have a fling with Jim because the two

of you used to f- f-

fuck.

Fling.

Excuse me?

Let me handle this.

Molly, I don't think you understand.

Oh we understand.

And we'd appreciate it if you would keep

our husbands out of it.

T is not on the television.

And can not afford to be going out wasting money

every night drinking.

And vandalizing someone's property at your age.

Really?

My mini Van smells like Woodstock.

You showed your ass to a bunch of children.

Ok, they weren't children.

What- what is going on here?

He obviously still has feelings for you.

She's right.

I just tried on my wedding dress.

I know.

You know?

Did you know that I waited around for you

like some crazed teenage girl?

For years.

Did you know that?

Laur, I never knew i hurt you that bad.

Well you did.

You called me everyday.

You'd send letters.

And then suddenly you just stopped.

I'm sorry.

Oh c'mon, what did you expect?

That you'd come here and we'd pick up where we left off?

No.

You know, I've been wasting so much time chasing

after things that I thought would make me happy,

but the only thing that's ever really made me happy

was you.

Alright?

I didn't come here to break up your wedding or win you back.

Then I see you.

You still look the same.

And you smile, and i realize, I really am at home.

It's so sweet.

Why are you doing this?

Yeah, Jim why are you doing this?

Molly, can you please stay out of this.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry ladies.

I'm just really confused.

Hey Laurie, wait!

I don't know what kind of life you life out there

but that kind of crap doesn't fly out here.

It's ok Carol.

She still has feelings for me, skunk.

I know it.

Maybe I've been wasting my time out there on something

that's never gonna happen.

Can I saw something to you Jim?

Do I have a choice?

You don't belong here.

Well thank you.

No, I don't mean that in a bad way.

It's just uh, you're different son.

You were always the center of attention.

You were always trying to be the best of everything you did.

You actually got out of newburgh, ok?

You got out of newburgh, and you found a new bigger, better

burgh- er.

A juicier new burgh.

You ran away from here so you could become something there.

But now you're running away from there to become something here?

It just doesn't make sense, Jim, ok?

Sometimes you just gotta grab that rear view mirror and

rip it the fuck off.

And never look back man.

I can't believe I'm actually getting advice from you, skunk.

Yeah, well I can't believe we have a black president.

But I turn on my TV and there he is. He's black.

That's a little racist.

No it's not.

My best friend's black.

T.

Yeah, I know him.

Jim, I want you to know that I'm not always

this much of a screw up, ok?

If you ever need anything,

you can count on me.

Anything at all.

You just want to come out to California and party with me,

don't ya?

I would like to roll around with some of them

Victoria secret angels.

I bet you would.

But, honestly, if you ever need anything from me,

you consider it done.

Well, if you can get rid of Mark...

And get Laurie to marry me in say the next 24 hours,

that would be great.

Alright, I gotta a lot to think about.

I don't care wht teagely said.

You are not mentally challenged.

take a deep breath.

You look beautiful.

Laurie?

I'll be right back.

Hi Jim.

Listen, about yesterday-

he's late.

He's never late for anything.

What happened?

I told him that you came over and he asked me

if I still had feelings for you.

And I said of course.

I've known you since we were like kids.

You were my first love.

But that I love him.

I want to marry him.

I thought everything was fine this morning, but

now he's gone and nobody know's where he is.

I just hope he didn't have second thoughts.

This is all my fault.

Skunk was right.

What are you talking about?

What I'm trying to say is who the hell am I to

come back here and screw up everybody lse's lives

because I haven't figured out mine yet?

Hey.

Mark loves you.

I can see it.

He'll be here, ok?

I promise.

Jim, have you seen Stewart?

Stewart's missing?

Wait.

Mark's missing too.

Shit give me your keys.

The mustang's out of gas.

Man what the hell is that?

It's called the garvin.

You a sick kid, you know that?

I cold knock your little ass out for doing that.

Throwing ass fragments at human beings.

Don't smile at me.

You rotten.

I'm so sorry.

Hello?

Skunk, where are ya?

Let's just say I'm having an old friend

with fava beens for dinner.

Ah shit.

Skunk, listen to me.

I know you've done something to Mark.

I need you to stop doing whatever-

skunk?

No shit.

Skunk.

Hey buddy.

Oh hey Jim.

Where's Mark?

I don't know what you're talkin' about man.

Jim!

Help me! Help me!

Ah shit.

Hey buddy, you've gotta let Mark go, alright?

He stole your girl Jim, and now he's gonna get

what he's got coming.

He is dealing with a retarded individual.

You and Laurie, you go get married.

She loves you and you love her.

She doesn't love me, skunk.

She loves Mark.

And I'm the bad guy here.

I'm the one who messed everything up.

You gotta believe me.

I don't believe me.

You're the best guy I know, Jim.

Skunk!

Skunk!

Hey, you listen to me.

You said you'd do anything for me, right?

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

You will pull that truck over.

No.

And you will let Mark go.

No.

Yes! -no!

Let Mark go!

You wanna visit me in la?

Yeah?

You do?

Well you're not going to.

Yes I am.

No you're not.

You are not going to visit me in la.

You are not going to meet the Victoria secret angels.

What was that last part?

You will never meet the Victoria secret angels.

God damnit.

You're a crazy person, you know that?

Totally certifiable.

Where's my tux?

I left it back at your place.

Right after I stripped ya down to your bare ass,

fucking Jack ass.

You're a perv.

Cut it out.

That guy raped me.

Son of a bitch, rapist.

Get back.

Enough!

What are you talking about?

Stop it!

I wasn't gonna hurt you buddy.

I don't think.

I was just trying to give Jim time to take back what was

rightfully his, ok?

What?

Don't listen to him, ok?

Look at me!

You're a crazy person.

Here, you want some more, guy.

Get in the Van.

Crazy person.

Hits me in the face for no reason.

Have a corn beef sandwhich, guy.

It's on me.

He tells me payback's a bitch.

What the fuck is- payback for what?

What the hell were you gonna do to me?

I just let a rapist get away.

You will rape again.

Rape.

Stupid suit.

And Laurie told me about what happened the other night.

We're just two old friends having a laugh.

You know what, you're bullshit.

I am sorry, Mark.

I don't trust you.

I guess I have to work on that.

Could you go a little faster?

It's 30 miles an our.

I know, but you're going 20.

No, 34.

You don't look at those numbers.

It's the numbers on the outside.

Oh those are Canadian.

I never understood those, did you?

God, I wish I wasn't here.

I'm gonna go say goodbye to Jim, ok?

I did it.

Tada.

Tada you did it.

I did it.

It's great.

Thank you.

I told you he'd be here, so consider this

the first promise I kept.

So, what's next?

I mean next time I come back I'll be the voice

of the geico lizard.

What do you think?

Now that's the Jim Owens I know.

We had fun, didn't we?

Once upon a time.

I'm happy for you.

Thank you.

Don't be alone forever.

Hurry up and get divorced.

Hi honey, it's Steven your agent.

What the hell did you do in that room today?

Oh my god, Annie McCarthy can't stop talking about it.

She's in love with you. Said it's one of the best

auditions she's ever seen in her whoe life

oh for Christ sakes she's a fan, Jim.

But uh, we're not going to any further with it though.

Well Asian.

They're going to go Asian for the part.

Could you do Asian?

Anyway, we're getting closer.

You hear that, Steph?

We're getting closer.

I bet you can play Asian.

Tom Cruise, he did Asian.

No, I think he played a samarai, but he wasn't Asian.

You sure?

I'm pretty sure.

It's Jim and Stephanie. Leave a message.

Make it juicy.

Hey buddy, it's skunk.

Uh, remember that time when i woke up in the

back of my neighbors truck?

Naked.

Yeah, well I'd like to talk to you about it becaues I'm

starting to figure out what the hell happened.

Alright buddy, here we are.

I have a leg.

You ok?

I gotta leg.

Alright.

I gotta leg on my leg.

Shut up, four gears.

Shut up, reverse.

Shut up stupid lawn mower.

Len, grab the wheel barrow.

We need a dump truck for his fatass.

Grab his legs,

I'll grab his arms.

T, you can suck his dick.

Fuck you man, you're the one from Hollywood.

I'm gonna kill this motherfucka when he wakes up.

Hey, keep it together.

Shit.

Fuck.

You have to help me take his clothes off.

If you ever do shit like this to me, I will cut your ass

Jim, I swear to god.

This is gonna be classic.

you shit in your mustache?

You boys.

Keep it together.

Jesus, I don't know what you guys put in my face,

but I'm burning.

It's ok, come here, come here.

I think I have a little turrets.

You have a little tuh shits on your mustache.

Stay together, stay together.

Ow, I can't even open my eyes.

C'mon, just play with it.

Can you get herpes from boobs?

Alright don't laugh, turn away.

Are you ok?

Oh oh, no!

Fucking school bus comes on my take.

Cut. oh Jesus.

The partridge family.

Could I just have a tissue for one second?

She'll Jeffrey dommer your balls.

Why would I want that?

You ever have your balls eaten?

Stay there, keep rolling.

Fuck.

Yeah, I feel like i got fucking maced.

I don't know what you're talkin' about Jim.

Go back to one.

I so mad at you.

One more yell. Just scream at him.

Look at him and just go- scream and then whip right after.

Stewart!

Stewart!

Stewart!

I'm a break this motherfucker.

Ok, I can see now.

Sorry guys.

You ran away from here to become something there.

Fuck off.

I'd like to be known for something a little cooler

than the all city guy.

Yeah you could be the old spice guy.

Or that asshole in that show ringer.

Take that back.

One wrong move, and I will line up all four of you,

and squarely fuck you in the ass.

Squarely.

What did I say?

What was I supposed to say?

What was the word?

I'll squarely fuck you in the ass.

Everybody remain calm.

It is squarely, isn't it?

Fuck you square in the ass.

Rape.

I guarantee you.

There's gonna be a rapin' out here.

Close your doors and windows.

All city insurance.

Always there.

All the time.

All in.

Put the child's mouth on the breast.