All language subtitles for Alfred.Hitchcock.Presents.S04E36.Invitation.to.an.Accident.1080p.PCOK.WEBRip.AAC.2.0.H.265.-EDGE2020_track3_[eng]

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Good evening, parents,

and welcome once again

to Uncle Alfred's Story Book.

We thought it
would be refreshing

to present a children's
program at night

after the little
darlings were in bed,

so that adults could
watch it undisturbed

and without all that peanut
butter on the picture tube.

Tonight's fairytale comes
to you slightly expurgated.

We felt that there were
certain parts of it

unsuitable for adults.

Therefore, we have cut that
part where the stepmother

is forced to dance in
red-hot metal shoes,

and the scene where
the prettiest daughter

has her hands cut off,

as well as the bit
about the old servant

being turned into a toad.

We also omitted the
part where the dwarf

falls into the boiling cauldron,

where the raven plucks
out the king's eyes,

and where the magic staff
beats the old witch to a pulp.

Admittedly, our story has
lost some of its punch,

but we deem the deletions
necessary, because adults

just don't have the same sense
of humor as their children.

And now...

"Once upon a time, there
was a wicked old king.

Three-timed, each half hour,

he would look into the glass
in his living room and ask,

'Mirror, mirror on the wall,

whose product is
the best of all?'

And the mirror would answer..."

(piano playing)

(indistinct conversations)

*

(laughing)

It's very kind of you, my dear.

Thank you, my dear.

I'd like to give more parties,

but I find them
a little sad now.

The old order is passing.

I don't want to alarm
you, Mrs. Bedsole,

but Virgilia is out in
the garden with a man,

and it's not her husband.

I do wish she'd show a little
discretion in her flirtations.

I rather suspect there's
something more than that.

She's with her ex-husband.

Cam?

Oh, this is too bad of him.

I'm going to have to speak
to that nephew of mine.

I'm afraid the damage is done.

Her husband has been drinking
and might get violent.

Well, don't just
sit here, Albert.

Get out there and tell
Virgilia to behave herself.

Yes, of course.

*

(giggling)

Sorry to intrude.

(leaves rustling)

Oh, Albert, you did
give me quite a start.

No doubt.

Good evening, Cam.

Well, Albert.

How are you, old man?

Very fit.

I hated to break in, but I
thought Virgilia should know

her present husband is showing
signs of becoming disagreeable.

Oh, is he drinking too much?

I should say he is
just one drink away

from coming out to find you.

Oh, Cam, you'd better run along.

Joseph gets very upset
about things like this.

Well, since I am
a devout coward,

goodnight, one and all.

(crickets chirping)

Yes, I think you should go in.

Oh, Albert, you're always
my knight in shining armor.

You're one of those enduring
things of a crazy world.

(crickets chirping)

Oh, here you are.

I've turned the place
upside down looking for you.

Sure you have.

Who helped you look?

I think it's just about
time we started home now,

don't you, dear?

Why?

Is the party over?

Who were you outside with?

Let's don't make
a scene now, Joseph.

-I want to know who he is!
-Joseph!

(indistinct chatter)

You were gone for over an hour.

You're being unreasonable, dear.

Those are old childhood
friends of mine,

and I haven't seen them
since we were married.

It's only natural that I'd want
to talk to as many as possible.

Virgie?

Yes, dear?

I don't want to cut you
off from your friends.

Just because we're married,
there's no reason to--

Well, I mean, you go ahead and
see anybody you want anytime.

I want you to keep
your old friends.

Well, that's very
sweet of you, dear.

I'd--I'd like to be
friends with them, too.

Virgie, I'll tell you
what, why don't we--

why don't we have somebody
over for dinner Friday night?

Anybody you want.

Well, that's a very nice idea,

but are you sure that
you wouldn't mind?

Yeah, I'd like it.

I really would.

Well, that's wonderful.

And I know just
who I'll invite.

Oh?

A very old admirer.

*

Good.

*

Albert, how nice to see you.

And you, my dear,
as lovely as ever.

Woohoo, you have
a little bald spot.

It would be comforting to find
some small mark of time on you,

but you haven't changed since
your first dancing class.

Dear Albert.

Do you realize that it
has been almost a year

since you were here last?

It's not quite the
same now, you know.

Your ex-husband didn't--

Didn't seem to mind
an old admirer calling,

but I'm not so sure
about this one.

Oh, this is Joseph's idea
to have you to dinner.

Come on.

Joseph, you remember
Albert, don't you?

Sure, how are you, Al?

Good to see you.

What are you drinking,
Manhattan or whiskey?

Uh, would you have any sherry?

Sherry?

(laughing)

Oh, yeah, sure.

I guess there's some
around the house somewhere.

Well, make yourself at home, Al.

Any friend of
Virgie's, you know.

(laughing)

Oh, dinner will
be ready shortly.

I just want to talk
and talk and talk.

There's so much to catch up on,

I feel as though
if I'd been away.

Thank you.

What have you been
doing, Albert?

Oh, life goes on
pretty much the same.

Civic committees, charity
lunches, that sort of thing.

And you just love
that, don't you?

Yes, I suppose so.

It gives one a
sense of permanency.

(thudding)

What's that?

Oh, that's the scaffolding
banging against the house.

I'm having it repainted and
those fools were too lazy

to take it down when
they quit for the day.

They couldn't know the wind
was going to blow, Joseph.

Virgie, they're just too lazy
to take it down, that's all!

-Don't get upset, Joseph.
-Who's upset?

Dinner is served, ma'am.

Thank you, Flora.

Come on, Al, let's eat.

I'm for progress, Al.

I believe in keeping
up property values,

and that doesn't mean
septic tanks, that means--

-Sewers.
-That's right!

They're an absolute--

Albert, would you like
some more coffee?

Uh, no, thank you.

I've had enough.

Well, I'll have another cup.

Joseph's made a
lot of improvements

around the house, too.

You should just see the
wrought iron furniture

that he made for the
garden with his own hands.

I don't think Al's
interested in my hobbies.

Oh, quite the contrary.

Let me show them to you, then.

Oh, Joseph will be out soon
as he finishes his coffee,

won't you, Joseph?

Yes, yes, you two run along.

Oh, Virgie, I'll
bring your coat out.

It's probably a
little cool out there.

(heels clicking)

(crickets chirping)

See that?

-With his own hands.
-Mhm.

Come on, I'll show
you the forge.

By all means.

Albert, have you heard anything
about Cam and me lately?

Should there be?

Well, I hope not, but I've
been seeing quite a lot of him.

Good heavens, what for?

Albert, you never lose
your aplomb, do you?

Well, what do you
expect me to say?

"Good luck"?

"Carry on"?

But you don't mean that, because
you don't approve, do you?

You can hardly expect
me to condone it.

On the other hand,
I must confess,

I have a lot more
respect for Cam

than I do for Joseph Pond.

Albert, you just can't
imagine how it's been lately.

It's like living with an adage.

All work and no play.

Joseph has laboriously
constructed my happiness

ever since we were married.

Sometimes--

Sometimes I just feel like
I don't want to go on living.

Now, my dear.

You should have
married me, Albert.

You must know I've always
been very fond of you.

Oh, dear Albert.

I'm afraid you prefer to
have a woman on your arms,

rather than one in them.

It seems that everything
I say to you comes out

in the form of advice, but I
wondered if you've considered

the danger of what you're doing.

My impression of your husband

is that he could
become rather violent.

Primitive is the word, isn't it?

Oh, Albert, what should I do?

I can think of only
one possible solution.

Stop seeing Cam.

Oh, Albert, I knew
you'd say that.

Just knew it!

There's the forge!

-That's the forge.
-That's the forge.

Would you like to go
and listen to some

high fidelity recordings?

*

-Albert?
-Hmm?

Oh.

(door rattling)

Oh, blast, the latch is on.

(door banging)

Virgilia!

(gasping)

(crashing)

Virgilia?

*

Virgilia!

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The doctor said she's
gonna be all right.

He gave her a slight sedative.

Oh, in all the excitement,
I forgot to thank you.

You saved her life, Al.

Oh, I didn't do anything.

What I don't understand is
how the rope could break.

It's new, brand new.

A good half-inch thick.

That didn't break,
it's frayed through.

Must have been a sliver
of iron from the pulley.

Sure, you can see
where it's worn away.

Probably the wind and
the weight of the plank

broke these last few strands.

Uh, I think we both
need a drink, Al.

18.

19.

20.

(grunting)

I'm getting out of condition.

I've got no wind.

(breathing heavily)

I'd better start
watching myself.

No wind.

(panting)

No wind!

There was no wind
when the scaffold fell.

Why did Joseph say
there was a wind?

*

(phone dialing)

*

Hello, Virgilia?

Albert.

Are you all right?

A bit dopey, but
fully recovered.

I'm sorry about the way
I folded on you last night.

I mean, really all right.

Of course.

It's very sweet of you to call.

I'm always such
a bother to people.

Virgilia, have any
other accidents

happened to you recently?

One is quite enough, thank you.

What do you mean, Albert?

Oh, nothing really.

I do worry about you, you know.

Well, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Oh, good evening, Mr. Martin.

Good evening, Flora.

-I believe I'm expected.
-Oh, yes, indeed.

Mrs. Pond called
a little while ago.

She's sorry she'd been detained,
but she'll be here shortly.

And how is Mr. Pond,
this evening?

He's napping, sir.

Shall I tell him you're here?

I think I'll wait until
Mrs. Pond gets here.

Yes, sir.

*

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(scratching)

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Hm.

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Mrs. Bedsole, Joseph Pond
is going to murder Virgilia.

Albert, I know Virgilia is
an exasperating young woman.

I told you, I saw it!

Are you referring to
that wretched business

about the scaffolding?

Yes.

He's going to
try arsenic next.

I saw a container of
it in his workshop,

but it's missing now!

I hope you're not letting your
imagination run away with you.

At this very moment, Joseph
Pond is lying in his bed

recovering from what the
doctor diagnosed as ptomaine.

I tell you, Mrs. Bedsole,
I know it's arsenic poisoning!

He intended it for her, but
accidently took it himself.

I suppose it's because of this
ridiculous business with Cam.

The problem is how
to protect Virgilia.

That's what the police are for.

No, no, no, that wouldn't do.

I told you I've no proof.

I would think once
this man, Pond,

knew the police were
aware of his intentions,

that would be
sufficient to stop him.

But then it would all
become public knowledge,

and think of what that would
do to a woman like Virgilia.

Albert, you must
confront this man, Pond.

I?

You want to help
Virgilia, don't you?

Yes.

Yes, of course.

Yes, I believe you're right.

I will simply make it clear
that I am watching him,

so he won't dare go
ahead with his plan.

*

(doorbell ringing)

*

Albert!

Flora said you'd come and gone.

I'm so sorry I wasn't here.

How is your husband?

Well, I don't know,
I haven't been up yet.

I just got home.

I'd like to have
a word with him.

Well, come along.

Albert, I think you better
let me wake him up first.

*

Oh, you're awake.

Albert came to see you.

Well, that was nice of you, Al.

Good evening, how do you feel?

Well, good as new.

Doc says I can get up tomorrow.

Wants me to take some time off.

Go hunting or some
silly thing like that.

Might not be such a bad thing.

Well, that's what
I've been telling him.

Darling, you really
do work too hard.

Well, if you come along with me.

I don't think I'm
the campfire type.

Well, I can't quite
picture myself

going off into the
wilderness all alone.

Well, what about you
coming along, Al?

Hunting?

Well, if you don't care about
hunting, what about some--

How about some
surf-fishing?

I know a place just
below the border

that's got the cleanest,
whitest sand you've ever seen.

Of course, I haven't
been there in 10 years,

but if the tourists
haven't found it--

What do you think, Al?

Could you stand my company?

You know, it's not a bad notion.

It'll give us a chance to talk.

*

Yeah.

*

Of all the stupid things to do,

go and leave the
coffee pot at home.

You sure you didn't
leave it in the car?

Yeah, I looked everywhere.

I just forgot to
pack it, that's all.

Well, we'll simply have to
make the best of it with a can.

Well, it will be a pretty strong
brew, but it'll be coffee.

Oh, I wonder why we
give up all this,

all this peace,

simply to crowd
ourselves into cities.

Probably to get
a good cup of coffee.

But do we gain
anything worthwhile?

Protection mostly.

Protect property.

That comes first.

That's the main reason families
herded together into cities.

(waves crashing)

As a matter of fact, I'd still
like to live on a ranch, Al,

but I can't get Virgie
to sell that old barn.

That's one of the finest
old homes on Bedsole Drive.

Old is right.

But you do agree that the
irritations of the city

disappear out in the open.

It's the congestion.

That causes jealousy

and the unnatural
deaths that follow.

What kind of deaths
aren't natural?

Oh.

War, for example, and,

and murder, if you want to
include the petty things.

Well, I've never thought
much about murder being petty.

I mean, that most motives
for murder are pretty slight

considering the penalty for it.

Well, that is if the
murderer is caught,

but they never expect to be.

You mean, you think
he'd give up the notion

if he knew he'd be caught?

Sure.

Unless he's a complete fool.

(water rushing)

I knew of a man who
intended to commit a murder.

Do I know him?

I doubt it.

But he didn't go
through with it?

No.

A third person, who was a friend

of both the intended murderer
and his victim intervened.

How?

Well, being a practical
fellow, this third person

invited the murderer to
weigh the consequences

against the small satisfaction
of killing his wife.

Why?

Was she unfaithful?

Yes, I believe that
was the motive.

I thought so.

It's very similar to
a situation I knew of.

The husband knew his
wife was playing around,

and it hit him hard.

It's pretty funny in itself.

This fellow is kind of a--

Well, I guess you
could call him a slob,

but he happens to love his wife.

The two stories
aren't quite the same.

Oh, I think they are, Al.

You see, this fellow set
out to protect his property.

Protect it, Al, not destroy it.

(waves crashing)

The way he did it
was very simple.

He urged his wife to bring
her friends to the house.

He was pretty sure
who she'd bring.

Well, he was right.

He saw them together
in the garden.

But no--no, that's not--

Let me finish.

This husband I'm talking about
specializes in accidents.

Only he slipped up
on his first attempt.

It seems this friend of his
wife's was the gallant type.

You know, getting her chair,

lighting her cigarettes,

opening doors for her.

It was a cinch.

All my friend had to do was wait

for him to leap ahead
of madam and open a door,

and there he'd be,

nobly bowing and scraping.

A great big target.

But for some reason
Sir Galahad was lagging.

His wife almost got it instead,

but the second time around,

he made no mistakes.

He got his wife's lover
to go camping with him

in a very lonely place.

He arranged for another
accident to take place.

It seems they boiled
some coffee in a can.

*

Both men got arsenic poisoning,

but the husband had built up
a tolerance against arsenic,

and I understand he's
going to get well,

but there's no
hope for the lover.

*

But it isn't me.

It's Cam.

Cam?

*

(crying)

Cam.

*

And everyone lived
happily ever after.

I will admit, Albert
might be an exception.

He didn't look at all
well in that last scene,

but Pond lived on and on.

He's one of the happiest persons
in the state penitentiary.

He works in the prison nursery.

So much for the magical
world of make believe.

Now, for some grim realities,

after which I shall skip back.

I would like to add
just one more commercial

before bidding adieu
for another week.

Parents, are you
looking for sand

for the kiddies to play in?

Why not buy the best?

Insist on Quick.

Q-U-I-C-K.

Quick sand.

Goodnight.

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