Original subtitles

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Oh, good evening.

I don't know what this means.

They won't tell me why I've been arrested.

They keep saying, "Your turn will come."

I don't like the sound of it.

But, Officers, I didn't do a thing.

Okay, you, it's your turn now.

Mr. Hitchcock,

I understand your category is television commercials.

Oh, then I wasn't arrested.

Don't be absurd.

Now, for your first question.

We shall play the soundtrack

from a well-known commercial.

After hearing the sound,

tell us what the person in the commercial has just eaten,

drunk, smoked, used or driven in.

(uncomfortable groan)

Is that all?

May I hear it again, please?

Very well.

(uncomfortable groan)

I have it.

The answer is...

*

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There's a police car.

Mmm-hmm.

Don't worry, we couldn't be more legal

if we got out and walked.

We're doing exactly 50.

I guess you're right.

Not that we can afford to be wrong.

They must expect us to pass them.

Are you going to?

No reason why we shouldn't.

They're going exactly 48 miles an hour.

If we don't pass them now, we'll have to follow them

all the way to Robertsville.

How far is that?

About 10 miles.

Well, here goes.

(honks horn)

(engine revs)

We're still legal, aren't we?

At 50 miles an hour?

Legal as lemonade.

(police siren)

Well, they can't be after us.

Well, can they?

Well, they probably got a radio call.

We'll soon find out.

-Are you all right? -Yes.

(police dispatch chatter)

That was deliberate.

Harry.

Harry, don't.

Long way from home, aren't you, mister?

You going somewhere special in a hurry?

I thought for a minute I was going to the morgue.

What did you do that for?

Well, you were driving kind of crazy-like.

Let me have your license and your registration.

Now, wait just a minute.

I asked you a question I was entitled to ask.

Why did you force me off the road like that?

Just one more time, mister.

Your license and your registration.

Come on, come on.

I ain't got all day.

Harry, please do as he says.

Now, move it along, mister.

What's the matter, you got something to hide?

Well, Henry Sanford Adams.

Tell me, Mr. Adams,

what is the speed limit back in New York

where you come from?

It's 50 miles an hour on most state roads.

When it varies, the information is posted.

The point is, I wasn't breaking any law here.

Is that so?

Very interesting.

You, uh...

(motor humming)

...trying to make up the rules for us country folks?

No, sir, I'm not.

I haven't suggested I'm trying.

Then suppose you tell me

what you think the speed limit is around here.

Fifty miles an hour.

Mister, you are so right.

Now, you let me tell you that you was doing 57 miles an hour

when you passed us on that road back there.

Well, of course, but I had no choice.

Now, just a minute.

Just a minute.

Let's get first things straight.

It don't look right for a man to pass a police car

faster than the law allows, right?

Bold as brass, just like you was

holding your thumb up to your nose.

That's not true.

It's not?

No.

I had to speed up to pass you,

but I wasn't traveling over the speed limit

when you blew that siren.

I couldn't believe it was meant for me.

Well, I'm not just gonna answer them remarks at all.

You just get that car started up

and follow us into town.

Officer, please.

We don't want to quarrel with you,

but we were driving so carefully.

And we were safely within the speed limit when you stopped us.

Ma'am, there's no one talking to you.

Absolutely no one at all.

Now out here, the ladies let the menfolk

say what has to be said.

Nobody talking to you at all.

Look, I don't care if you've got six badges...

Sit there and do as you're told.

Start up that car, follow us into town.

How can I start the car?

I don't have the keys.

Well, you got them now.

Come on, Anton.

(engine turns over)

(police dispatch chatter)

Well, I guess we've had it.

Looks like you got yourself in quite a mess, mister.

Lieutenant Hogan, calling.

Come in.

Lieutenant Hogan, calling.

What are we gonna do, Harry?

Can you fix it?

I'll have to put the spare on,

take the wheel off.

Possibly, the officer will help me.

You being cute?

That wheel is gone.

The bearing is shot.

You won't be able to put on no spare.

You'll have to let me and my partner ride you into town.

You and your partner?

Look, don't you think you've done enough

forcing me off the road?

Oh, this is nice.

This is just dandy.

This is where the balloon goes up, mister.

Are you trying to say that we forced you

off this road illegally?

Harry, please.

We have to be on our way.

Let's not make things any worse.

Now, say it, mister, say it now,

what are the charges?

All right, I'm not making any charges.

I do say that grease cap looks just fine to me

and I don't think the bearing is useless.

I can put on the spare and I intend to do just that.

Hold it, bright boy.

I tell you now, for the last time,

that car is a hazard on the road.

The bearing is gone.

It'll have to be towed into town.

And I say that isn't true.

What's more, you know it isn't true.

Harry, please.

Can't you see what he's trying to make you do?

Oh.

Come on, now.

Come on.

Well, looks like you folks are in luck.

Just the man you need, Mr. Charlie Brown.

In luck, huh?

Hi, Charlie.

Howdy.

Hi.

Looks like you're having a little trouble.

Anything I can do to help you folks?

Oh, I was just telling them, Charlie, how lucky they were

that you come along right now.

See, they need a towing job real bad, isn't that right?

Let's let him decide, shall--

Patrol car number six,

proceed to Kingston Road

at Route 14.

Ashley's Shopping Center.

Repeating, patrol car number six,

proceed to Kingston Road

at Route 14.

Ashley's Shopping Center.

A police radio in the truck?

Isn't that illegal?

Or is that just another one of the little services

you people are for?

Hold it, mister.

You don't go no further.

Charlie, I think you ought to take a look

at that right front wheel.

He done a real sweet job.

Mmm, mmm-mmm.

(clicks tongue)

You can put the spare on, can't you?

The spare?

Charlie, I told the man that the bearing was ruined.

But, see, he wants to hear it official-like.

He's a real big brain from New York.

Well, that bearing's shot.

There ain't nothing much you can do about it.

I'm sorry about you folks' bad luck,

but afraid I'll just have to tow you back in town.

Uh-huh.

How much will that cost?

Cost?

Well, now, that is a consideration, ain't it?

Like I said, I hate to see you folks having any bad luck.

How much?

He's the impatient type, Charlie.

Very impatient.

Give the man a price.

Well, to begin with, there is the towing charge.

Now, that's a standard thing, that's five dollars a mile.

You're lucky there, 'cause it's only nine miles back to town.

What I mean to say is, it could've been worse.

I'll only charge you about five dollars for my trip out here

and then, oh, $10 for that bearing.

Give or take a few dollars, shouldn't cost you more than

60 bucks.

And you think I'm lucky?

Don't you?

I think you're a crook.

I think you're in business with him.

Say that again.

Harry.

Harry, don't do what they want you to do.

I asked you to repeat that, mister.

I asked you to say that again.

All right, I'll repeat it.

I think you're in business together.

You and this mechanized bandit

you contacted by radio.

Why shouldn't I say it?

Harry!

You see him try to resist arrest?

I was here all the time, wasn't I?

I seen the whole thing.

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(bell rings)

What's that, the Liberty Bell?

Could be.

Justice never sleeps in Robertsville, you know.

All right.

Afternoon, Pete.

Howdy, Judge.

Yes?

Oh, uh...

only one defendant, Your Honor.

This one.

A kind of a wild one, if I may say so, sir.

A real sharp fellow from New York.

Your Honor, I'd like to--

You'll have your chance to speak.

Yes, Officer?

"Subject, Henry Sanford Adams."

That's him, Your Honor.

"Driving a 1958 convertible."

A beautiful job, Your Honor, till he cracked it up.

(scoffs)

"Subject exceeded state speed limit by seven miles per hour

at a point ten miles north of the Robertsville town line

on Route 7.

Subject was apprehended by Officers Andrew T. Bleeker

and Peter B. Chandler

after failing to heed the warning siren.

Subject then--"

Your Honor, may I say--

Silence!

Go ahead, Officer.

"Subject damaged his vehicle

through reckless handling of car,

after which arresting officers

transported subject and woman passenger

to Robertsville for appearance

before Justice of the Peace, Gerard Anthony Stanton,

at approximately 2:25 PM,

June 10th, 19..."

Well, that's about it, Your Honor.

I see.

Well, that's too bad.

A nice new car, too.

It seems you could have saved yourself a pack of trouble,

young man, if you'd stopped when you first heard the siren.

I didn't think that siren was for me, Your Honor,

because I was not breaking the law,

no matter what he says!

Now, listen here, young man.

Besides which, we were forced off the road

by that police car and then victimized

by a towing truck

that suddenly and magically appeared.

At those prices, I could have had a battleship

towed up a dry creek!

(smacks gavel)

Silence.

You see what I mean, Your Honor?

Smart boy.

Didn't I tell you that bearing was busted?

I didn't need that towing truck, Your Honor.

I could have taken off that broken wheel

and put on the spare.

But I was prevented by this officer.

Did I or did I not tell you

that that bearing was no good?

Yes!

You told me, sure, you told me.

And your friend in the towing truck said the same thing

because that was what you wanted him to say.

The truth is, you didn't take the wheel off to check,

so neither of you could have known.

Oh!

Stop it, stop it!

Will you please make him stop?

Officer Chandler.

Yes, sir?

I know you had extreme provocation,

and I saw the threatening gesture made by the defendant.

Even so, let him alone.

If he has any formal charges to register,

I feel now is the time for them

while we're in the mood for hearing them.

Any more charges, sir?

I don't suppose it would help much.

Why should I bother?

I suspect it's time to get down to business, Mr. Adams.

First of all, you are charged with driving a motor vehicle

at 57 miles an hour in a 50-mile zone.

How do you plead?

As I've been trying to explain, Your Honor,

I was obliged to speed up

in order to pass the police car,

which was blocking the road.

I'm sure I did so justifiably

and under extenuating circumstances.

Mr. Adams, how do you plead?

Under the circumstances I've outlined, I plead not guilty.

I see.

Well, you're perfectly in your rights, Mr. Adams.

In that case, a hearing will be held in this courtroom

Friday morning at 10:00.

But, Your Honor...

I'm sure you heard me correctly.

Officer Chandler, you will be here at that time

with Officer Bleeker.

Yes, sir.

Now, Mr. Adams,

you will kindly post a bail bond of $100

to be held by this court pending your appearance.

If you are prepared to post this bond at this time,

you are free to go until Friday at 10:00.

That's impossible, Your Honor.

I'll be 700 or 800 miles away from here by then.

Oh, will you?

Not without posting your bail bond, Mr. Adams.

No, indeed.

I guarantee you'll be right here

with us in our modern, comfortable jail.

But why can't I get a hearing now?

All contested traffic cases are heard

Friday morning at 10:00.

Reconsidering, and from a more practical point of view,

how would you choose to plead?

(scoffs)

Well, I guess I plead guilty.

This is not a guessing game, Mr. Adams.

How do you plead?

Guilty.

Well, I would say that makes more sense

and is more in keeping with our tradition here.

As a matter of fact, our excellent officers

who patrol this section are not very often contradicted.

Now, let me see.

Naturally, I fine you five dollars a mile

for every mile above the speed limit

to which you have confessed.

That would be exactly $35.

Oh, one moment, Mr. Adams.

Because of your failure to stop instantly

when you heard the arresting officers' siren,

and because of the insolence

and lack of cooperation you've shown here,

I'm assessing you double court costs.

That will be $60.50,

in addition to the $35 for speeding.

You may pay the court.

$60.50 for what court costs?

I can triple them, Mr. Adams,

if it will help your understanding.

(scoffs)

Yes, I guess you could.

He getting smart again, Your Honor.

Harry.

Harry, please pay the money and let's get away from here.

Seventy, eighty,

ninety, ninety-five.

And 50 cents?

I trust you've learned your lesson, young man.

I have indeed, Your Honor.

It's been a liberal education...

in more ways than one.

May we go?

Oh, by all means, Mr. Adams.

Can I give you folks a little lift over to Charlie's place?

No thanks.

The condemned man always walks the last mile.

That's very good.

You're the witty type, aren't you?

Sure I am.

I laugh till it hurts.

Right now, it hurts all over.

Hey, all in all,

you fellows must have had a pretty good day, huh?

How's that?

Well, I understand that under the local setup,

the Justice and the police are entitled to keep half the fines,

isn't that right?

Mister, you're so right.

You're so exactly right.

You come back again and see us sometime, you hear?

Let's go, Anton.

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Well, it's all gassed up and ready to go for you folks.

May I have the bill?

The bill.

Yeah, I got it right here.

I'll be glad to get this thing finished

and send you nice folks on your way.

Now, like I told you,

it was five dollars for me coming out there

to get you nice folks.

Then there was the towing charge of $45.

I'm only going to charge you $10 for that bearing.

Well, it's a big heavy car,

so, naturally, it takes a big bearing.

It's natural.

I mean, it ain't like replacing

just a little old piece of buckshot.

No, I guess not.

Yeah.

Now, there's my labor.

I'm only charging you $10 for that.

And the gas and oil and...

Well, the whole thing comes to $75.40.

Let's just call it $75 even.

No sense in anybody being a hog.

This is yours.

Thanks.

Fifty, sixty, seventy.

Five?

Five.

And 40 cents, you said?

Like I said, neighbor,

let's just forget the 40 cents.

Oh, no, Charlie.

We don't want to forget the 40 cents.

Anything else I can do for you nice folks?

No, I don't think so, Charlie.

You've been real sweet.

Tell me, uh...

when are you going to call up Pete and his partner

on that radio hook-up you've got in the truck out there?

Can't say as I know what you're getting at, friend.

Well, I thought if you call them up,

they might bring that larcenous old windbag

of a justice on down with them,

and the four of you could sit down and cut up the loot.

I can't say I like your attitude.

I don't like it at all.

Watch him, Harry.

Now, why don't you get on back in your car

and get out of my garage?

Go on before Pete gets back here.

Harry, let's go, please.

(engine turns over)

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Charming community, wasn't it?

One in a million.

Well, I guess we've had enough, don't you think?

More than enough.

You'd better check and make sure you've got everything.

I've seen minor bits of larceny,

but never in the three years

I've been with the Highway Commission

have I seen anything like this.

Well, it's an isolated case.

I don't think they'd believe us back at the State House,

though, if we didn't have it all on tape.

Long way from home, aren't you, mister?

You going somewhere special in a hurry?

*

Oh, I'm glad you came.

I'm very worried.

Things didn't go at all well.

They liked my first answer.

But after that, I'm afraid I said some nasty things

about commercials.

It seemed to infuriate the gentleman

asking the questions.

I'm still not sure who he is--

Quiet!

Okay, it's your turn now.

Did you ever have the feeling you'd been here before?

It's very close in here.

May I open a window?

No!

What's going on here, and why can't I see you?

Here I am!

Look!

The sponsor!

What's that?

I smell gas.

Quiet!

Ladies and gentlemen,

we now offer a special message,

after which, Mr. Hitchcock will attempt to return.

I'll bet you're surprised to see me.

I know I'm surprised to be here.

I received a last-minute reprieve.

And I learned something interesting about my sponsor.

He doesn't like commercials either.

But the public demands them,

so what's he to do?

Next week, he will offer three more

which promise to be enormous,

popular successes.

Be the first one in your neighborhood to see them.

There'll also be a story.

Until then, good night.

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