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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:05,318 CHORUS [SINGS]: The Simpsons 2 00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,414 Old Yeller-Belly 3 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,352 [BELL RINGING] 4 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:24,879 [WHISTLE BLOWING] 5 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:30,822 [BEEPING] 6 00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:40,905 [LISA PLAYS SOLO] 7 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,847 D'oh! Ah! 8 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:26,743 [BART & MARTIN & NELSON & DATABASE & MILHOUSE SINGING] 9 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:31,237 Glory, glory, hallelujah 10 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:35,929 Teacher hit me with a ruler 11 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,079 I cracked her in the bean With a frozen Jimmy Dean 12 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:45,230 And she ain't my teacher no more 13 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:50,423 Because she's dead 14 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,291 Mr. Secretary, can you read the minutes of our last meeting? 15 00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,877 "Girls are yucky. Seconded and carried. 16 00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,338 A fart was detected. Martin denied it... 17 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:02,018 - ...and so was ruled to have supplied it." - Good. 18 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,771 Security officer, anything on the scope? 19 00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:12,080 MAN: Mm-hm, Mm-hm, hmm. 20 00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,812 These Batpants have been shredded by the Riddler. 21 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,553 No, just your ass. 22 00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:18,284 That's what I call my ass. 23 00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:22,048 MARTIN: Oh! Lisa is having a tea party. 24 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:27,575 If I understand the female mind, and I do, they're plotting against us. 25 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,723 We've gotta get audio. 26 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,203 Uh, I'm on it. 27 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:32,444 [GRUNTING] 28 00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,625 LISA: Janey, more tea? 29 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:40,921 Operation Ladybug is a go, eh! Over. 30 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,924 Today, Balthazar will tell us about global warming... 31 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,135 ...in the land beyond the rainbow. 32 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,846 Each year we lose seven species of gumdrops. 33 00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:50,952 [IMITATING MARGE] Lisa, this is your mother. 34 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,100 The doctor says your butt's too big. 35 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:54,424 That's not Mom. 36 00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:55,634 [GASPS] 37 00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:58,011 Oh, someone is spying on us. 38 00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,461 [GRUNTING] 39 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,181 [ALL GRUNTING] 40 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:05,216 No one told me there'd be pulling. 41 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:15,977 [ALL SCREAMING] 42 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,230 Skinned elbows? 43 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,286 All right! Time to score some pity. 44 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,101 [WHIMPERING] Mommy! 45 00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,021 Don't worry, son. 46 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,638 I'll build you a new tree house. One so grand... 47 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:34,058 - ...it'll be an affront to God himself. - Can it have a rope ladder... 48 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:38,229 - ...you can pull up after you? - Only if it's an affront to God. 49 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:45,027 - Hey, you passed the lumberyard. - Only losers buy wood. 50 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,769 We're going to nature's lumberyard. 51 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:50,366 [HOMER LAUGHS] 52 00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:53,859 [BOTH GRUNTING] 53 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:55,673 Isn't this dangerous? 54 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,352 It's okay, Bart. 55 00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,741 This track has been abandoned since 19... Uh-oh. 56 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,278 [PEOPLE SCREAMING] 57 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:17,320 Nothing beats flying across the country on a train. 58 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,250 I'm impressed that you drew up blueprints... 59 00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:23,284 ...but these are for a go-cart track. 60 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,704 Hmm. Did Frank Lloyd Wright have to deal with people like you? 61 00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:30,312 Actually, Frank Lloyd Wright endured a lot of harsh criticism. 62 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,762 I have no idea who Frank Lloyd Wright is. 63 00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:34,806 You said his name two seconds ago. 64 00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,766 I was just putting words together. 65 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,783 [HOMER COUGHS THEN SNEEZES] 66 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,765 - Ha, ha, gotcha. - Well, two can play at that game. 67 00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:47,454 Ow! Ha, ha. 68 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,842 Oh, that's it. You are going down. 69 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:51,458 Ha, ha. Don't! Stop it! 70 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,108 [LAUGHS THEN GRUNTS] 71 00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,850 [BOTH LAUGHING] 72 00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:05,347 That tree house is never gonna get built at this rate. 73 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,683 Time to call in the pros. 74 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,382 [RINGING] 75 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,598 Didst thou hear that, Isaac? 76 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,923 Aye. Someone needs the Amish. 77 00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,300 To the Buggymobile! 78 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:30,622 [WHISTLES] 79 00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:34,376 [ALL GRUNTING] 80 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,351 Oh, the Amish are so industrious. 81 00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:43,448 Not like those shiftless Mennonites. 82 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,908 MENNONITE 1: Roll them bones. Three craps. 83 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:49,683 Son, that tree house is gonna be bigger and better than ever. 84 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,864 It really restores your faith in helpful weirdoes. 85 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,006 [CHATTERING] 86 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,712 Bumblebee Man, mi tree house is su bee house. 87 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,933 Reverend, love the cassock. 88 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,561 Moleman, looking good. 89 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,555 Very nice. Did you do the wiring yourself? 90 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,546 Heck, no. The Amish did it. 91 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:22,706 Who knows more about electricity than the Amish? 92 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,585 [ALL SCREAMING] 93 00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:29,389 Watch your step! Don't panic! 94 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,372 By going down the ladder, you're agreeing not to sue. 95 00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:34,394 [SCREAMING] 96 00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:38,732 [GRUNTS] 97 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,494 Head burning. 98 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,256 Legs freezing. 99 00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:45,145 Middle very pleasant. 100 00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,282 Oh, thank God. The dog's here. 101 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:48,575 Pull me free, boy. 102 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,516 Don't be scared. You can do it. 103 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,456 [WHIMPERS] 104 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,625 Hey, where you going? 105 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,169 I'm your pal. I took you for a walk once. 106 00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:04,185 [SNARLS] 107 00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:05,697 [COUGHS] 108 00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,845 [SIGHS] 109 00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:12,422 [SNARLS] 110 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,642 Family head count. 111 00:07:13,976 --> 00:07:15,581 Pointy, pointy, spiky, stylish... 112 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,448 Aah! Where's baldy? 113 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:18,762 [HOMER SHOUTING] 114 00:07:20,566 --> 00:07:21,692 [GRUNTS] 115 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:23,788 [MEOWS] 116 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,535 [MEOWS] 117 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,203 What's the...? Wha...? 118 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,496 [CATERWAULS] 119 00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:35,810 [SCREAMS] 120 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,511 Flames? Searing pain? A black cat? 121 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,648 I must be in heaven. 122 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,870 MARGE: Homie, get out of that tree house! 123 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,362 Move the net under the window! 124 00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:47,718 MARGE: There's no net! 125 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,032 [HOMER SHOUTS] 126 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:53,400 I always thought cats were just for losers who live in apartments... 127 00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:57,196 ...until my life was saved by this sweet little kitty. 128 00:07:57,853 --> 00:07:58,875 [MEOWS] 129 00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,492 But as for you, Santa's Little Helper... 130 00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:04,370 ...you are a selfish coward and a bad dog! 131 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,476 [WHIMPERS] 132 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,520 Get out! 133 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:10,699 And stay out! 134 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,399 [WHIMPERS] 135 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:15,704 [SCRATCHING ON DOOR] 136 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,138 Our little hero sure likes Kahlua and cream. 137 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,630 [WHIMPERS] 138 00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:26,840 Quit following me, you coward! 139 00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:28,352 You heard him, fleabag. 140 00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:30,365 Get out of my bar. You're unsanitary. 141 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:36,058 Oh, how precious. The cat's sitting in my dinner. 142 00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:39,165 No, no. Don't get up, sweetheart. I'll just pick around you. 143 00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:40,604 Here we go. 144 00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:42,178 Mm. Ha, ha. 145 00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:49,175 Long live the hero cat of Springfield! 146 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,438 [CROWD CHEERING] 147 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:52,960 I make you lasagna. 148 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,442 You eat it up like the cat in the funny papers... 149 00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:57,412 ...who's not so funny. 150 00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:01,312 Today I can truly say Ich bin ein feline. 151 00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:04,409 And I hereby rename Springfield Dog Park... 152 00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:09,059 ...the Snowball II Municipal Cat Park sponsored by Buzz Cola with Lemon. 153 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,262 Damn, that's a lemony cola. 154 00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:15,493 [WHIMPERING] 155 00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:16,796 [ALL GROWLING] 156 00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:21,822 Mr. Simpson, how long have you been a cat person? 157 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:23,553 All my life, Kent. 158 00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,764 I prefer catsup to ketchup. 159 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:29,966 And to me, Yusuf Islam will always be Cat Stevens. 160 00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:31,572 [LAUGHS] 161 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,762 Terrific stuff. You must really love the Broadway musical Cats. 162 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:38,474 - God, no. It sucks. - Seems like you're quite the animal lover. 163 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,873 Do you have any other pets? A dog, perhaps? 164 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,594 Kent, let me make this perfectly clear. 165 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:46,097 I have no dog. 166 00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,099 [WHIMPERS] 167 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:49,412 Strong words. 168 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:50,132 Strong words from a strange man. 169 00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,779 Strong words from a strange man. 170 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,157 Don't worry. We'll get you out of the doghouse. 171 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:57,306 And then you and Dad will be chasing butterflies together again. 172 00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,631 Here's a role model for you, boy. 173 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,080 Rin Tin Tin. 174 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,447 He was brave on and off the screen. 175 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,502 He was the first openly gay dog in Hollywood. 176 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,370 [BARKS] 177 00:10:11,904 --> 00:10:13,030 [SNARLING] 178 00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:14,427 [SPEAKING IN GERMAN] 179 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,597 He bit me right in the Axis! 180 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,581 See? Now that's the kind of dog you should be. 181 00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,510 Mailman. 182 00:10:24,917 --> 00:10:26,084 [GROWLS] 183 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,409 [MAILMAN GRUNTS] 184 00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:29,650 "Grow a mustache," says the wife. 185 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,070 "You'll look handsome," says the wife. 186 00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,051 [SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER GROWLING] 187 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:38,409 Hmm, needs beer. 188 00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:45,521 Why, you little...! 189 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:46,803 [GRUNTING] 190 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,868 Stop it, Homer. That's inhumane. 191 00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,433 - Use the choke chain. - Fine. 192 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:56,219 I want you to sit there, look through the window, and watch me eat a ham. 193 00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,513 Marge, prepare the emergency ham. 194 00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,160 [GROANS] 195 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:05,676 [SNIFFS] 196 00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:15,811 Oh. This is the kind of shot you only get once in a lifetime. 197 00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,231 Once in a lifetime. 198 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,644 Hmm. This photo gives me an idea. 199 00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:28,094 We might've found our new Duff spokesperson. 200 00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:32,557 He's young, he's slim, and he can stand on his hind legs. 201 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,216 Unlike our current spokesman. 202 00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:36,718 Oh! 203 00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:39,376 Duffman could use an eye-opener. 204 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,911 Take a hike, Duffman. You're a disgrace to the unitard. 205 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:44,746 You're firing me? 206 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:48,375 But what about my children? Duffgirl and Dufflad? 207 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:52,077 Oh, those were one-shot characters in a Super Bowl ad. 208 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:53,589 Oh, yeah. 209 00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:55,465 According to this contract... 210 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:58,145 ...we have to change his name to Suds McDuff. 211 00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:01,972 I don't care if his name is Bony McDork. Just make the checks out to me. 212 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,934 It also says "we will receive royalties in perpetuity... 213 00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:07,842 ...a bottomless keg of beer... 214 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,377 ...and unlimited use of the Duff corporate jet." 215 00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:13,963 Corporate jet? 216 00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:17,769 Oh, pilot, let's swing by, oh, Heidelberg. 217 00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:19,948 And drop in on Oktoberfest. 218 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:23,295 [SCREAMING] 219 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,018 Sweet. 220 00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,687 Welcome back to the family, boy. 221 00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:31,856 Dad, five minutes ago you hated him. 222 00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:34,046 Who are you? My biographer? 223 00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:36,663 [KRUSTY THEME MUSIC PLAYING ON TV] 224 00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:40,573 Krusty, our animal today is the toxic pricker snake. 225 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:44,004 Very good. Now, let me stand on my mark... 226 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:47,340 ...between the snake and its baby... 227 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,613 [SCREAMS] 228 00:12:50,062 --> 00:12:51,115 Cut to commercial! 229 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,460 [SCREAMS] 230 00:12:57,486 --> 00:12:59,019 Hey, boy. This is your commercial. 231 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,802 Houston, we have a problem. 232 00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:03,064 This place is dullsville. 233 00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:06,495 How can you get a buzz chewing freeze-dried beer? 234 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:08,914 BOTH: Wha...? 235 00:13:12,543 --> 00:13:13,450 It's Suds McDuff. 236 00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:16,536 Where the shuttlecraft is genuine draft. 237 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,006 [BOTH LAUGHING] 238 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,466 - Whoo! - Ooh, party. 239 00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:24,555 ANNOUNCER: Duff, the official beer of NASA. 240 00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:26,994 National Association of the Sellers of Alcohol. 241 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,600 [CHEERING] 242 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:30,946 Why does a dog have human girlfriends? 243 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,376 People do crazy things in ads. 244 00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,461 Like eat at Arby's. 245 00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:40,998 Eight, nine, 10 wads of cash. 246 00:13:41,697 --> 00:13:43,959 Your dog has sent Duff Beer sales through the roof. 247 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,015 Boy, you're now second best in the family. 248 00:13:47,578 --> 00:13:49,475 Right ahead of Marge. 249 00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:51,196 [BARKS] 250 00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:52,457 [DOOR OPENS] 251 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,595 There you are, old pal. 252 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,315 Ha, I finally found you. 253 00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:57,807 Who the hell are you? 254 00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,047 I'm this dog's owner. 255 00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:02,707 I raced him at the greyhound track under the name Santa's Little Helper. 256 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:04,741 Good times. 257 00:14:05,137 --> 00:14:08,067 Well, he's not yours anymore. You threw him out on Christmas Eve. 258 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,059 Yeah, don't listen to him, Mr. Duff VII. 259 00:14:11,602 --> 00:14:14,678 We took this dog in and loved him. And that makes him ours. 260 00:14:15,314 --> 00:14:18,025 Oh, really? Well, this tape says different. 261 00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:21,382 Kent, let me make this perfectly clear. 262 00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,177 I have no dog. 263 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,305 Dad, you can't let him take our dog. 264 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,161 My wads! 265 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,653 I never even broke the wrapper. 266 00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:34,541 [CRYING] 267 00:14:36,627 --> 00:14:38,639 Who's gonna eat my homework now? 268 00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,835 Okay, boy, fetch! 269 00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:49,202 What do you do for fun? 270 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:50,516 [COUGHS] 271 00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:56,209 Suds, you're looking great. Did you have a bath or something? 272 00:14:56,772 --> 00:14:58,857 Look, I'm talking to a dog. So, what do you think? 273 00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:02,507 If I keep talking here, Kelly can't jump in. Come on, Suds. Toss me a bone. 274 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:05,051 Poor Santa's Little Helper. He's overworked. 275 00:15:05,531 --> 00:15:07,282 Suds, I hear you're doing game shows now. 276 00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,535 Gelman, roll the clip. 277 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:10,973 [BARKING] 278 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:13,121 Uh, things you buy in a dime store. 279 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:14,529 Uh, famous first ladies. 280 00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:18,220 Uh, things your toothbrush might say. 281 00:15:18,794 --> 00:15:19,743 [YELLING] 282 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:24,998 [GROWLS] 283 00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:27,062 Later that day, you had a book signing. 284 00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:29,628 [CHATTERING] 285 00:15:32,391 --> 00:15:35,102 That guy exploits his pets worse than Bob Guccione. 286 00:15:35,686 --> 00:15:37,187 Well, I'm afraid the law is clear. 287 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,388 And Dad did renounce all claim to ownership. 288 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:43,475 But I miss him. He was my best friend. 289 00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,195 [SOBBING] 290 00:15:45,571 --> 00:15:47,364 Aw, there, there, boy. 291 00:15:47,823 --> 00:15:49,105 I'll help you get him back. 292 00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,608 He may have been a dirty stinking coward. 293 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,423 - But show me a Simpson that isn't. - I'm not a coward. 294 00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,894 [YELLING] 295 00:15:58,584 --> 00:16:01,222 You're not a coward. And that's beside the point because... 296 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:02,775 [YELLS] 297 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,549 Look, to get our dog back, we need a plan. 298 00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:07,217 A plan, eh? 299 00:16:07,593 --> 00:16:09,198 [YELLS] 300 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,775 Okay, we'll use a plan. 301 00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:15,423 MARGE: This is where Duffman lives now. 302 00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:20,616 - But I'm not sure we should go in there. - Mom, we need him for our plan. 303 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,671 I'm sorry, we have a six-month residency limit. 304 00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:25,840 Well, old Gil is gonna surprise you. 305 00:16:26,278 --> 00:16:28,989 I'll make something of myself, you'll see. I... Uh... 306 00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:30,908 Hey. 307 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,076 What do you use for anesthetic? 308 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,986 A big mallet? Gee, I'm starting to have second th... 309 00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:37,518 [GIL GRUNTS] 310 00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:38,926 [POPS] 311 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,627 Look, there's Duffman. 312 00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:45,964 Okay, if you have 6 liters of blood and your blood is 80 percent alcohol... 313 00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:48,540 ...how much alcohol do you have? Anyone? 314 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,062 Hey, Duffman. 315 00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,773 Please, I'm not Duffman anymore. 316 00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:55,609 Just plain old Barry Duffman. 317 00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:57,309 Oh, yeah, ha, ha. 318 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,281 But we need you to be Duffman again so we can get our dog back. 319 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,825 But I like it here helping the less fortunate. 320 00:17:03,315 --> 00:17:06,641 It will be a cold day in hell before I shill beer again. 321 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:13,106 An icy-cold, full-bodied, beech wood-aged, amber-hued day in... 322 00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:15,431 Oh, who am I kidding? 323 00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:17,402 Where is my trademark headgear? 324 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,070 [CHEERS] 325 00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:20,812 You really are Duffman. 326 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,855 Then I must be Jesus. 327 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:24,534 Up, up and away! 328 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:25,796 [GRUNTS] 329 00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:27,506 [MAN GROANS] 330 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,414 Stay cool, hopeless drunks! 331 00:17:29,842 --> 00:17:31,343 Oh, yeah! 332 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,567 BART: Here's how we'll get our dog back. 333 00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:39,132 Dad will pretend to drown and call Suds to save him. 334 00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:41,436 But he won't because he's too cowardly. 335 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,908 Oh, yeah! Once again, Duffman's mug... 336 00:17:44,398 --> 00:17:46,921 ...will be the only one you chugalug. 337 00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:48,871 Give it a rest, Barry. 338 00:17:49,278 --> 00:17:50,185 Sorry, sorry. 339 00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:51,405 [CHEERS] 340 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:52,833 Now, to honor America... 341 00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:55,023 ...Navy paratroopers will jump from their planes... 342 00:17:55,492 --> 00:18:00,330 ...and crown Suds McDuff king of Six-Packistan! 343 00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:10,622 All hail his royal Duffness! 344 00:18:11,175 --> 00:18:12,415 This stunt cost $50 million. 345 00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:13,969 Help! Help! 346 00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:15,439 I'm drowning! 347 00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:18,036 Uh-oh. Who will save that poor fat man? 348 00:18:18,557 --> 00:18:19,537 I know who'll save him. 349 00:18:19,892 --> 00:18:22,676 The bravest dog in the world: Suds McDuff. 350 00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:31,935 [WHIMPERS] 351 00:18:33,405 --> 00:18:35,345 [CROWD BOOING] 352 00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:37,962 That dog is a coward. 353 00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:39,839 And I know cowards. 354 00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,893 Mother, I served in Nam. 355 00:18:42,331 --> 00:18:45,219 And you've been bitching about it for 30 years. 356 00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,211 [LAUGHS] 357 00:18:47,586 --> 00:18:49,338 Everything is going according to plan. 358 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,216 I'll just keep thrashing around like an injured seal. 359 00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:55,542 [GRUNTS] 360 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,184 Now is your chance, Duffman. 361 00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,426 You can save my dad and look like a hero. 362 00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:08,148 Don't send a Duff Dog to do a Duffman's job. 363 00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:09,608 Hold on, sir! 364 00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:13,456 Soon you'll be filling your lungs with Duff, Duff Light or new Duff Blue. 365 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,459 Tap in to the peppermint pleasure. 366 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,638 [GRUNTS] 367 00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:21,745 [GASPS] 368 00:19:22,079 --> 00:19:23,288 [GASPS] 369 00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,332 [DUFFMAN GRUNTS] 370 00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:26,646 Are you there, God? 371 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,825 It's me, Duffman! 372 00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:31,964 Let me think. How did that beautiful young naked lady in Jaws... 373 00:19:32,548 --> 00:19:33,423 ...make it out alive? 374 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,290 [ALL GASPING] 375 00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:37,323 [GRUNTS] 376 00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:40,118 [GROWLS] 377 00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:46,520 [GROANS] 378 00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:49,293 Check it out. That shark's wasted. 379 00:19:49,815 --> 00:19:52,380 He's gone from predator to partier. 380 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:54,945 [GROANS] 381 00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:57,145 [CROWD LAUGHING] 382 00:19:57,614 --> 00:19:59,627 The crowd is going crazy for that shark. 383 00:20:00,117 --> 00:20:02,536 Guys wanna be him, girls think they can change him. 384 00:20:03,078 --> 00:20:05,570 Everyone, say hello to our new mascot: 385 00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:07,624 Duff McShark. 386 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,262 ALL [CHANTING]: Duff McShark! Duff McShark! 387 00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,077 Duff McShark! 388 00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:15,205 Well, Suds, it looks like you're no good to me anymore. 389 00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:17,770 You might as well be with a loving family. 390 00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:19,136 [WHIMPERS] 391 00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:20,783 I missed you so much, boy. 392 00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:22,858 Good to have you back with the Simpsons. 393 00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:25,058 I'm sorry I was ever mean to you. 394 00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:27,863 Marge, prepare the celebration ham. 395 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:31,617 All we have left are the earthquake ham and the condolence ham. 396 00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,140 Marge, they're just hams, okay? 397 00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:39,521 Well, boy, now that we've got you back, I'm never gonna let you go again. 398 00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:42,451 Uh-oh, Dad, I think he peed on the rug. 399 00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:43,827 [LAUGHS] 400 00:20:44,161 --> 00:20:46,027 To me, that says "I love you." 401 00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:49,531 I think he left a "big hug" in your lunchbox. 402 00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:52,732 - Eh, it's probably that stupid cat. - That cat saved your life. 403 00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:54,390 What has he done lately? 404 00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:56,913 He woke you up when you stopped breathing last night. 405 00:20:57,424 --> 00:20:58,999 Yeah, but he ate the last can of tuna. 406 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:01,366 Dad, you ate the last can of tuna. 407 00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:03,566 Everyone's against me. 408 00:21:50,227 --> 00:21:51,436 WOMAN: Shh. 409 00:21:56,608 --> 00:21:57,484 [English - US -SDH] 28938

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