All language subtitles for the.simpsons.s14e12.1080p.bluray.x264-wnxb00t-en

CHORUS [SINGS]:
The Simpsons

I'm Spelling As Fast As I Can

D'oh! Ah!

HOMER:
Whoo-hoo!

Welcome to Matinee of Blood
and Commercials.

I am your hostess, Booberella.

Our first fright flick...

...is 1983's Frankenstein
and the Harlem Globetrotters...

...Meet the Mummy
and the Washington Generals.

I can't just sit here watching this junk.

[GRUNTS]

That's better.

If you watch closely...

...you might recognize
a young Ray Romano.

[HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS
THEME MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

All right, Frankenstein,
that's a three-second violation.

Don't blame Frankenstein.

Me made from corpses
of Denver Nuggets.

Now for the first
of our 82 commercial breaks.

Then you can see more of my boobs.

[LAUGHING]

It's nice to see
a realistic single woman on TV.

Hello, Springfield. Come to my
back-to-school parking-lot blowout.

School's starting, Bart.
Aren't you excited?

This year,
you learn about local history.

We've got first-rate school supplies
at Third World prices...

...at the Kwik-E-Mart,
where we believe in America.

Please don't beat me up anymore.

Bad news.

Ray Romano has sued
to prevent the showing of the movie.

Watch this commercial
for Krusty Burger...

...while I appeal
this temporary injunction.

[PARODY OF BOB SEGER'S
"LIKE A ROCK" PLAYING ON TV]

Like a rib

It tastes like liberty

Like a rib

With a bun of sesame

MAN [ON TV]: We start
with authentic letter-graded meat...

...and process the hell out of it
till it's good enough for Krusty.

Try my new Krusty Ribwich.

Mm.

I don't mind the taste.

Ooh, a new hamburger sandwich.

Wow, I can't wait to pack that
into my colon.

Dude, take it easy on the fatty foods.

You're running out of leg veins
to transplant into your heart.

- I got arm veins, don't I?
- Yes, sir.

[SINGING]
School's back in session

Let's begin our lessons

This year, he gets it in the back.

Uh, Willie, did you get the letter
about your pay cut?

Aye. There'll be many a cut this year.

Indeed there will.
Budget-wise of course.

[CHATTERING]

- Nelson, how was your summer?
- Sucked.

- What'd you do?
- Space Camp.

At ease, Cadet Nelson.
Good to be back on terra firma, eh?

[STUDENTS GASP]

How about I launch my foot
into your butt?

I held your hair
when you barfed in the simulator.

Shut up, commander.

Welcome back, children.
We've all had fascinating summers.

I was the maitre d'
at the Springfield Country Club.

My dad says you were a busboy.

You mean your dad,
the raging alcoholic?

Um, we better get down to business.

As this is a non-leap year,
we're a day behind.

Come on, man. Everyone knows
the first day of school is a total wank.

Well, if by wank
you mean educational fun...

...then stand back, it's wanking time.

[LAUGHING]

Let's get the year rolling
with an all-school spelling bee.

Whoo-hoo!

Ugh, I guess I won't be popular
this year either.

Bart, your word is "imply."

Imply. I-M-P...

Bart said I am pee.
He's made of pee.

[LAUGHING]

Well, I got my laugh. I'm out of here.

I made Bart in my pants.

Well, we're down
to our last two students.

Milhouse, your word is "choke."

Oh, I know this one.

It's so easy. F... Oh, man!

[LAUGHING]

Stop laughing. It will scar him for life.

[CHUCKLES]

It is kind of infectious.

Lisa, "impugn."

I-M-P...

- Hey, Lisa said she was...
- Unh, shut up, Pee.

... U-G-N. Impugn.

That's right.
Lisa Simpson, you're school champion.

[CHEERING]

Wow, I better make the most of this.

- Free Tibet!
- There'll be time for that later.

Now you concentrate on representing
our school at the state spelling finals.

[IN UNISON]
Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!

And here's your prize for today...

...a scale model of the planet Mars.

This is just a kickball
with "Mars" written on it.

Behold, the Red Planet.

[CHEERING]

LISA:
It was so exciting.

I actually got applause
for being smart.

Mars, eh? Hmm.

I see no evidence of water.

Well, this is very impressive, Lisa.

I'm kicking this right onto the mantle.

Well, I'm not done yet.

Principal Skinner said
if I win the state finals...

...I can go to the Spellympics.

I'm just happy you're excited...

...about something
besides saving the whales.

Face it, they're doomed.

MAN: Hey, hey, the Ribwich is back.
- The Ribwich.

The commercials have come to pass.

Try the new Ribwich.
It's so good you'll croak.

You seem like an impartial observer.

But I've been fooled
by so many people in costumes.

Try the sauce. I'm soaked in it.

[MOANS]

I could lick you all day long.

And yet my children think
I'm a failure.

- One Ribwich, please.
- Mm-hm.

Hmm. "Now without lettuce."

[GRUNTS]

[CACKLING]

[MUMBLING RAPIDLY]

Sir, are you all right?

I have eaten the ribs of God.

Drool cleanup at Register 4.

[CONTINUES MUMBLING]

- "Ameliorate."
- Could you use it in a sentence?

"Nothing can ameliorate
the ineptitude of Principal Skinner."

I wish he wouldn't use me
in every example.

A-M-E-L-I-O-R-A-T-E.
Ameliorate.

Correct.
Lisa, you just won the state finals.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

[CHEERING IN UNISON]
Diphthongs, cognates, Latin roots

Lisa clobbers all you fruits

Oh, our little girl's
got her own cheering section.

- Hey, who doesn't?
- You tell her, big H.

- You the man.
- Ah, you ain't so hot.

Lisa, I'm so impressed
you're state champ.

Finally, a Simpson has a trophy
without a bowling ball on it.

Well, why don't we celebrate
by going to a movie?

That sounds like a magical family
moment. I'm sorry I won't be there.

Really? It won't be the same
without you, Dad.

Oh, sweetie. You're the most
important thing to me in the world.

Only very serious daddy business
can tear me from your side.

Three Ribwiches, please.

And instead of a shake,
I'd like a blended Ribwich.

I'm sorry, sir.

The Ribwich
was for a limited time only.

Not again. First, you took away
my Philly Fudge Steak...

...and then my Bacon Balls,
then my Watcha-ma-chicken.

[SOBBING]

You monster.

I'd like a large fries, please.
And a collector's cup.

If you want the Ribwich,
they're testing it in other markets.

Check out the tour schedule.

Wow, this is amazing.

I could follow the Ribwich
from town to town.

That's what we do. We're Ribheads.

Maybe I should hook up
with you guys.

After all,
how long do any of us have to live?

If you like the Ribwich, not very.

HOMER:
D'oh!

Lisa, to honor Springfield Elementary's
shining star...

...we are granting you
a doublewide locker.

- Your books will actually fit in this one.
- Hey, my locker's gone.

Your effects have been moved
to Willie's shack.

Come along, lad.

And lose your books.

They won't help you
where you're going.

In business news,
3M and M&M have merged...

...to form, get this,
Ultradyne Systems.

And speaking of news stories,
here's another.

Springfield's spelling phenom
Lisa Simpson...

...has qualified for spelling's
answer to the Olympics...

...the Spellympics.

In a related story, the Spellympics
is being sued by the Olympics...

...for use of the suffix "lympics."

[SIGHS]

This has gotta be
the slowest news day ever.

Ah, that's better. Paris is no more.

The legendary City of Lights has
been extinguished forever as a...

Okay, champ.
I before E, except after C.

Except when pronounced like A,
as in "neighbor" and "weigh."

Really? Hmm?

Well, what about in the sentence
"Jim Nabors is way cool"?

- How often is that gonna come up?
- It's on my apron.

Yeah. I got work to do.

Hey, lookie.

It's that young'un what sorts them
squiggles into words.

Can you spell "scabies"?

S-C-A-B-I-E-S.

Rubella, we got you a middle name.

You ain't supposed to hold her
like that.

- Spell "AC/DC."
- A-C-D-C.

Uh-uh. You forgot the lightning bolt.

- "Relapse."
- R-E-L-A-P-S-E.

That's what beer has done to me.

Sock it to me.
Sock it to me. Sock it to me.

[IN UNISON]
L-I-S-A!

L-I-S-A!

Thank you.
I've never felt more accepted.

Perhaps one day,
people who spell correctly...

...will replace athletes
at the top of our national pantheon.

ALL:
Boo!

Ha, ha, I was just K-I-D-D-I-N-G.

MAN:
Hmm?

[ALL CHEER]

Come on, dimples.

Spell something else for us.

- I'm a little tired.
- Oh, come on.

Hey, spell
"Little Miss She-Thinks-She's-So-Big."

Ugh, very well.
L-I-T-T-L-E M-I-S-S...

I ain't got time for this.
I got a bar to run.

Welcome to the games
of the 34th Spellympiad.

I'm George Plimpton,
founder of The Paris Review.

I also played the evil dean
in Boner Academy.

You monster.
Why did you expel Boogerman?

He replaced my tennis racket
with a rubber phallus.

Ha, ha, that was awesome.

And now in the ancient
spelling-bee tradition...

...we shall release the bees.

[BUZZING]

[YELLING]

And now to exterminate the bees,
the magnificent Blue Angels.

ALL:
Ooh.

[COUGHING]

[SCREAMIN' JAY HAWKINS'
"I PUT A SPELL ON YOU" PLAYING]

I put a spell on you

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

It's so exciting.

It's like living in a dictionary.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Because you're mine

Ha, ha, he's an aserose.

Really? He possesses
the properties of a pine needle?

[CHUCKLES]

Look, I didn't bring a Game Boy.
This is all I got.

A-N-T-H-R-A-X. Anthrax.

[BELL DINGS]

ALL:
Aw.

He's adorable.

I'd sure like to tuck that in at night.

Well, we're down
to our three finalists:

Lisa...

[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]

...Sun Moon...

...and Alex.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

We will crown our champion
tomorrow.

Now please enjoy our unlicensed
knockoff of the Olympic anthem.

[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Congratulations, sweetie.
You're in the finals.

Well, I'm just happy you guys
all came up here to Calgary with me.

I'm sorry, honey.
I can't be here tomorrow.

It's the last day the Ribwich
is in San Francisco.

Dad, this is my moment in the sun.

How can you miss it
to be with a sandwich?

You don't understand.
It's not just a sandwich.

It's about brotherhood.
It's about freedom.

It's about three days
since I've had one.

I'm getting the shakes
and I'm getting the fries.

Don't worry, honey.
You can win without him.

I guess I'll have to.

Then I'll be queen of the world!
Of spelling.

That's right, queen of the world!
Of spelling.

Lisa, may I see you privately
for a moment?

This can only be good.

Lisa, competitive spelling
has fallen on hard times.

Today's students
would rather watch Ozzy Osbourne.

"Look at me, I'm a drug addict.
Ho, ho, ho."

Some of us still enjoy
scripted comedy, sir.

That's a good girl.

But if spelling is to compete,
it needs a charismatic champion.

Someone like me back when
I was a white-haired little boy.

- Well, I haven't won yet.
- Nor shall you.

- What?
- The future of our very sport is at stake.

And we want the gold medal
to go to him.

LISA:
Who? Alex?

- The boy that everybody loves?
- Yes.

He's crowd-pleasing and he's cute.

Women in the audience
toss their thick glasses at him.

I'm not throwing a spelling bee.

I'll die before I misspell.

Be reasonable, Lisa.

If you take a dive,
we'll guarantee you a scholarship...

...to the Seven Sisters college
of your choice.

- Oh, free college?
- And a hot plate. It's perfect for soup.

Throw the bee and go to college.

Throw the bee and go to college.

We are the Seven Sisters,
and you could attend any one of us.

Like Barnard, Columbia's girl next door.

- Come to Radcliffe, meet Harvard men.
- Come to Wellesley, marry them.

No, party with me.

- Or non-conform with me.
- Huh?

- Play lacrosse with me.
- Or explore with me.

Mm.

No, I don't wanna pay for college
by throwing a spelling bee.

[IN UNISON]
Give in, Lisa.

- Get a free ride.
- And a hot plate.

- Free ride. Free ride. Free ride.
- And a hot plate.

[LISA AND MARGE SCREAM]

- What is it, sweetie?
- Mom, I'm having a crisis of conscience.

Can you and Dad afford
to send me to college?

Oh, sure.

I mean, not on your father's salary.

- But I could, um, give piano lessons.
- But you don't play the piano.

I just gotta stay one lesson ahead
of the kid.

[SIGHS]

Well, I suppose I could
just skip college and marry Milhouse.

I know this is a fantasy, but I'll take it.
Ha, ha.

No, forget it.

No! I'll never be this happy again!

[SOBS]

Hey, man, can you turn me on?

Hey, don't borgnine my sandwich.

[HORN HONKS]

Hey, hey.

It's the guy from the drive-through.

Yeah. I'd like three Ribwiches,
a Diet Coke...

Will you get out of my...?
Look, uh, about the Ribwich.

There aren't gonna be any more.

The animal we made them from
is now extinct.

- The pig?
- The cow?

You're way off.

Think smaller.

- Think more legs.
ALL: Ew.

People, we went
through something magical together.

It's not important
who got rich off of whom...

...or who was exposed to tainted what.

And because you believed
in my dream...

...I want you to fight over
the last Ribwich ever made. Here.

[HOMER GRUNTING]

Welcome to the real world, hippies.

Wow, what a long, strange
product rollout it's been. Goodbye.

Hmm?

[GRUMBLES]

Man, you got the last Ribwich.

I'll give you anything for it.

Please. I'll get you four days
and three nights at a Comfort Inn.

Anywhere in the lower 48 states.

Blackout dates,
December 19th through January 5th.

I give you the lease to my car.

Ah! Lisa. Is this what I've come to?

Fighting over a stupid sandwich
on my daughter's big day?

Mister, I'll take that car.

That's nice.

Aha.

Mm, mm.

I have the buyer's remorse.

All right. Your word is "weather."

Which one?
Can you use it in a sentence?

Certainly. "I don't know whether
the weather will improve."

Uh... Ooh.

W...

Uh, um... E...

[BUZZER BUZZES]

Alex, your word is "rigged"...

...as in, "This contest is rigged."

R-I-G-G-E-D. Rigged.

Bravo, my pet.

You shall be champion...

...assuming Lisa
misspells this next word.

The word is "intransigence."

- Could I please hear it in a sentence?
- Certainly.

"The little girl's intransigence
cost her the college of her choice."

Intransigence. I...

Daddy made it for your dance recital,
honey.

Dad, you do care.

Damn right.
You're number one on my menu.

Now super size it.

With you here, I can't fail.

Attention, everyone.

I was asked to take a dive,
but I won't do it.

I-N-T-R-A-N-S-I-G-A-N-C-E.

You fool, it's E-N-C-E.

Oh, my God, you're right.
I spelled it wrong.

- I tried my best and I failed.
- And now you lose everything.

And I go back to whatever it is I do.

[SIGHS]

Lisa, honey,
you spelled the word wrong...

...but you did the right thing.

Yeah. You're the number one speller
in this car, or in that car...

...or in that car, or...
Don't look at that car.

[SIGHS]

My one chance for everyone
to like me and I blew it.

Wha...?

SKINNER:
Two cheers for Lisa.

- Hip, hip...
- Hooray!

- Hip, hip...
- Hooray!

Now deep breath and quiet.

You mean you're all still proud of me?

Lisa, with second place...

...you're the biggest winner
this town ever had.

Before you, it was the woman
who dated Charles Grodin.

You have made me feel so wonderful.

Thank you, Springfield.

We've got another surprise for you.

BART: Ay, caramba.
- Ah! That's amazing. Thank you.

[English - US -SDH]