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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,878 --> 00:00:05,182 CHORUS [SINGS]: The Simpsons 2 00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:06,840 The Dad Who Knew Too Little 3 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,021 D'oh! Ah! 4 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,439 WOMAN: Welcome to another episode of Padz... 5 00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:37,266 ...where we go inside the mega-mansions of today's hot young celebrities. 6 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:39,581 This was today? 7 00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:41,604 The girl was supposed to call. 8 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,836 Oh, let's get this over with. 9 00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,674 Here's the recliner where Don Adams and Shelley Winters... 10 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,863 ...made beautiful music together. 11 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,720 It should be in a museum, but museums don't want it. 12 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,056 And here's my pool. 13 00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:59,653 I don't swim, so that's where I throw my shrimp shells. 14 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,199 Krustofski. 15 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,795 Why, look, it's my celebrity neighbor, Elliott Gould. 16 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,694 Your monkey bit my kid again. 17 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:12,698 Well, if he would stop wearing the banana suntan lotion... 18 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,483 - Say hello to Bob, and Carol. - Unh! Aah! 19 00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:18,631 - And Ted and Alice. - Unh! Aah! 20 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,059 KRUSTY: Oh, that's it, Gould. 21 00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:22,833 And you keep your lousy dog off my lawn. 22 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,075 GIRL [THINKING]: Dear diary... 23 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,629 [GASPS] 24 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,871 "I have a crush on Kenny." 25 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,508 Ha! That's me. 26 00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:33,969 You would like me, loser. 27 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:35,929 [LAUGHING] 28 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,244 ANNOUNCER: Girls, don't let this happen to you. 29 00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:41,101 Get the Turbo Diary from Girltech. 30 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,021 No one can read your secrets except you. 31 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,982 COMPUTER VOICE: Unauthorized user. Access denied. 32 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:48,650 [SCREAMS] 33 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:52,269 Turbo Diary, I love that I bought you. 34 00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:55,282 ANNOUNCER: Get your Turbo Diary from Girltech. 35 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,284 Girltech is a division of Boytech. 36 00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,599 Hey, I could really use one of those. 37 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:03,926 No arguments here. Man, I come off like a jerk in this thing. 38 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,542 [MARGE HUMMING] 39 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,993 Mom, Dad, my birthday's coming up... 40 00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:11,173 ...and Girltech Turbo Diaries are in stores now. 41 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,581 Lisa, nobody likes a shill. 42 00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,136 - Just buy me the frigging toy. - Ha-ha-ha. 43 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,576 I love that little shill. 44 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:21,068 - Let's get her that diary. - I agree. 45 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,352 A girl should have her own private diary. 46 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:25,343 I had to share mine with my uncle. 47 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,142 HOMER: Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 48 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,321 Dad, you can't eat all those free samples. 49 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:37,011 - We've gotta get Lisa's present. - Watch and learn. 50 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,430 [GROWLING AND SNORTING] 51 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,013 More free samples. 52 00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,338 Dad, you ate all the free samples. 53 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,913 Now you're eating men's slacks. 54 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,499 Eh, it's still better than Indian food. 55 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,128 Oh. 56 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,132 One Turbo Diary, please. 57 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,166 Trying to keep those crushes secret, eh, Romeo? 58 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,669 It's not for me. I'm not a girl like you. 59 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,234 Well played. Oh. 60 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,883 I'm sorry, sir, but I just sold the last Turbo Diary to that guy. 61 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,625 Finally, Smithers... 62 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:20,555 ...a device worthy of storing my top-secret enemies list. 63 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,025 I'm ready, sir. 64 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,622 Number one, the Kingston Trio. Ugh. Number two... 65 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,010 COMPUTER VOICE: Unauthorized user. Access denied. 66 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:29,407 [HOMER SCREAMS] 67 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,462 Oh. Now what am I gonna get Lisa? 68 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,205 Sir, I can offer you this Tickle Me Krusty... 69 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,978 ...the most popular toy of 1999. 70 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:39,386 [SQUEAKS] 71 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,805 DOLL: I'm anatomically correct. Go ahead, take a peek. 72 00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:43,182 [SQUEAKS] 73 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,382 I wonder what mommy's medicine tastes like. 74 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,279 Lisa's not gonna want that. 75 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:49,771 Oh, what can I get her? 76 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,434 Shop of the morning, Homer. Just call me Mall Flanders. 77 00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,019 [CHUCKLES] 78 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,074 - What are you buying? Jerk stuff? - Oh, you betcha. 79 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,629 This kiosk sells personalized movies. 80 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,351 I had one made starring little Rod. 81 00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:09,666 NARRATOR: Kiosk Productions presents... 82 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,451 ...an outer space adventure starring you. 83 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:18,821 One day while flying your spaceship, you saw a planet and decided to land. 84 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,984 - Greetings, I am commander... NED [ON VIDEO]: Rod. 85 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,059 Welcome, earthling. 86 00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:28,977 What are your hobbies? 87 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,969 NARRATOR: My hobbies include: 88 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:35,025 NED: Being quiet during trips, clapping with songs and diabetes. 89 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,090 Sounds like fun. 90 00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:38,362 Let's party. 91 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,489 [UPBEAT SYNTH MUSIC PLAYS] 92 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,347 Hey, your kid is in the movie. 93 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,067 And the movie knows his name. 94 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,424 Maybe Lisa will like this better than the diary. 95 00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,958 Stupid Flanders, you're a genius. 96 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:55,785 A laser pointer. 97 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,412 Thanks, Bart. 98 00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:58,705 It's really cool. 99 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:02,605 You can point a red dot at people's crotches from really far away. 100 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,612 Hmm. There appears to be a red dot on my trouser front. 101 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,031 I'd better lower them. Ah. 102 00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:14,346 The dot also appears to be on my underpants. 103 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,910 Well, down they go. 104 00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:17,661 [SIREN WAILS] 105 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,810 Hey, buddy. You better get that red dot checked out. 106 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:23,083 My uncle died of crotch dot. 107 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:27,452 Okay, Lisa, now open the present from your father and me. Hmm, hmm? 108 00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:31,363 I wonder what this could be. 109 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:35,690 I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. 110 00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:37,921 Could it be some kind of book? 111 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,986 Well, yes and no. 112 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,656 - Mostly no. - Wha...? 113 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:47,389 You were supposed to get her that stupid diary. 114 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,735 But it's a personalized video... 115 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:53,656 ...about my favorite little star, Lisa Simpson. 116 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,471 Well, this could be fun. 117 00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,026 Let's watch it. 118 00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,361 [OLD WEST PIANO MUSIC PLAYING] 119 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,968 NARRATOR: Howdy, partners. My name is Sheriff... 120 00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,501 HOMER [ON VIDEO]: Lisa Simpson. 121 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,691 NARRATOR: I sure am hungry for my favorite food... 122 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,036 HOMER: McNuggets. 123 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,601 I don't like McNuggets. I'm a vegetarian. 124 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:15,229 Still? Then you're not gonna like your other present. 125 00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,286 NARRATOR: It's my best friend... HOMER: Maggie. 126 00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:20,777 Huh? 127 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,321 - Bad news, Sheriff... HOMER: Lisa Simpson. 128 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:26,439 - Some Indians took all the... HOMER: McNuggets. 129 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,618 Mm, McNuggets. 130 00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,068 [HOMER GURGLING] 131 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,101 NARRATOR: I'll get those no good Indians... 132 00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:35,416 ...just as sure as my favorite book is... 133 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:36,991 HOMER: Magazines. 134 00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:39,180 [HOMER SNORING ON VIDEO] 135 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,735 BART [ON VIDEO]: Wake up, Dad. HOMER [ON VIDEO]: Eh... What? 136 00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:45,979 Dad, that information is all wrong. 137 00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:48,763 Maggie's a baby, not my best friend. 138 00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,411 You don't know anything about me. 139 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,184 [LISA CRIES] 140 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,936 [DOOR SLAMS] 141 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,855 Maggie, you're her best friend, go talk to her. 142 00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:03,257 Oh, what have I done? 143 00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:06,145 Children don't remember bad birthdays, do they? 144 00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:08,397 [MARGE GROANS] 145 00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:13,444 Good morning, honey. 146 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,707 Did you cry out all your angries? 147 00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:17,469 I don't think so. 148 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,460 Oh, Lisa's still mad at me. 149 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,495 I'm still mad at you for chopping up my skateboard with an ax. 150 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,862 I did it for the insurance money. 151 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,196 Hmph. 152 00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,876 Look, Lisa, I'm still trying to get to know you. 153 00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:33,287 Who's your favorite Traveling Wilbury? Is it Jeff Lynne? 154 00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:36,008 Dad, you've had eight years to get to know me. 155 00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:37,551 It's too late. 156 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,430 But I'm full of questions. 157 00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:43,411 What's your favorite cigar size? 158 00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:46,800 Is it Robusto? Is it? 159 00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,815 Gee, Homer, you sure look sad. 160 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:55,444 Yeah, at least you ain't aging six years for every one because of your cow heart. 161 00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:01,169 Oh. My daughter hates me because I don't know anything about her. 162 00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:05,955 Ah. Well, whenever I gotta know something about a broad, I use this guy. 163 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,822 This detective is unbelievable. 164 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,690 He can learn more about a chick by digging through one garbage can... 165 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,744 ...than you could from years of intimacy. 166 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,319 He found out who was cobbling shoes for me at night. 167 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,395 Turns out I have severe schizophrenia. 168 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:24,515 Well, if hiring this guy will make Lisa like me again, then I'll do it. 169 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,779 - Can I get this beer to go? - Sure. 170 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,117 Maybe someday I'll turn into a swan. 171 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:34,473 [SIGHS] 172 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:35,787 Oh, God. 173 00:08:40,479 --> 00:08:41,907 [SIGN BUZZING] 174 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,634 - "Drunk cop." Is that you? - No. Look lower. 175 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,169 HOMER: Ooh, pie. - What can I do for you? 176 00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:56,046 My name is Homer Simpson. I desperately need your help. 177 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,372 Let me guess. It's about a girl. 178 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,469 - How did you know? - It's always a dame. 179 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,327 Usually with gams that don't quit until they get to the shoes. 180 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:08,309 And then they're only napping. 181 00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:09,716 [CHUCKLES] 182 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,656 Priceless. 183 00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:14,325 I need you to find out everything about my daughter... 184 00:09:14,847 --> 00:09:17,078 ...so she'll think I'm a good dad. 185 00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,247 Okay. I'll get a line on your kid. 186 00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:21,843 I charge 50 bucks a day, plus expenses. 187 00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,325 Anything to trick my daughter into liking me. 188 00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:28,735 Now, if you need to reach me, my e-mail is chunkylover53@aol. 189 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,572 Chunky lover 53. 190 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,647 - It's one word. - One word. 191 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,232 - Chunkylover53. - At AOL. 192 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:37,984 Dot-com. 193 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,113 Hey, that's not your locker. 194 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:56,107 You know, you are the spitting image of the Aberdeen Strangler. 195 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:57,681 Moving on. 196 00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:59,912 [WHISTLES] 197 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,291 I need to see Lisa Simpson's permanent record. 198 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,491 I'm afraid that information is confidential. 199 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,171 These are some nice-looking papers on your desk. 200 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:11,257 It would be a shame if somebody shuffled them. 201 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,061 You wouldn't dare. 202 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,824 Oh, wouldn't I? 203 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:19,004 Pfft. I could easily put them back in their original order. 204 00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,444 Oh, really? 205 00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:26,324 No! 206 00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:33,884 You're late, Muntz. 207 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:37,731 Get bent, shamus. I got what you're looking for. 208 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:41,579 - Nice. Very nice. - Now give me back what's mine. 209 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,794 Ah. My picture with Snow White. 210 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:49,931 You know she's just an actress. 211 00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,736 Shut up. Some of us prefer illusion to despair. 212 00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:56,761 Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school. 213 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,993 Yes, yes, you said that already. What else do you know? 214 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,329 I once picked my nose till it bleeded. 215 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,289 About Lisa. 216 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,677 Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school. 217 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,138 Someone's already worked this guy over. 218 00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:11,599 [WHISTLE WAILS] 219 00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,654 Ah, the information I've been waiting for. 220 00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:16,385 So far, so good. 221 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,690 [MUMBLES THEN GASPS] 222 00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:22,839 Lisa's pet peeve is phonies? 223 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,935 I thought she loved them. 224 00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,335 [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING NEARBY] 225 00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,160 Huh? 226 00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:34,173 Is that Miles Davis' Birth of the Cool? 227 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:37,541 You should know. It is your favorite album. 228 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:40,054 So you know one thing about me. Big deal. 229 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:47,739 Wait, wait. I thought you might like to go to an animal rights protest today. 230 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,668 Well, maybe. 231 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,129 On the way home, we could get your favorite treat. 232 00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:55,205 Ice cream. 233 00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:56,842 What do we want? 234 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,522 [IN UNISON] The gradual phase out of animal testing... 235 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,878 ...over the next three years. 236 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,400 When do we want it? 237 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,705 [IN UNISON] Over the next three years. 238 00:12:06,185 --> 00:12:08,270 Uh, young lady, why are you protesting today? 239 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:11,992 Because this lab is cruelly testing consumer products on animals. 240 00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:13,671 Take a look for yourself. 241 00:12:14,026 --> 00:12:16,257 They're making monkeys smoke cigarettes. 242 00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:24,004 [SIGHS] 243 00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:25,704 And look at the way... 244 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,342 ...they've slathered those pigs with cosmetics. 245 00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:34,734 So sad, yet so sexy, yet so delicious. Mm. 246 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,290 Dad, today was so great. 247 00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:42,565 The animal rights protest, a visit to the Museum of Sadness and Oppression. 248 00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:44,984 Well, we should get along. 249 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,581 I mean, after all, I am your father. 250 00:12:49,228 --> 00:12:52,304 How'd you think of such perfect things for us to do? Did Mom help you? 251 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,463 Mom? Don't you think I could read the report by myself? 252 00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,819 - What report? - The... Uh... 253 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:02,741 Well, uh, report is a daddy word that means "loves his daughter." 254 00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:06,797 You read the "loves his daughter" by yourself? 255 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,498 That's right, honey. 256 00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,628 You did it. Lisa thinks I'm the greatest. 257 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,099 I might even put you to work on Bart and Maggie. 258 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,164 Go super dad on all their asses. 259 00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,969 I believe there's still the matter of my expenses. 260 00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:24,857 Oh, yes. Well, let's take a look and see... 261 00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:27,067 A thousand dollars? 262 00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:30,373 - How did you spend a thousand dollars? - It's itemized. 263 00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:32,510 A $40 steak? 264 00:13:32,938 --> 00:13:35,357 But if I'd eaten the whole thing, it would've been free. 265 00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:37,724 You've been living like a king on my dollar. 266 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:40,456 Super-unleaded gas. Silver bullets? 267 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,699 I was working under the theory that your daughter was a werewolf. 268 00:13:44,283 --> 00:13:46,921 - Didn't pan out. - I can't believe a man who agreed... 269 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,059 ...to follow my daughter around for money... 270 00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:52,489 ...would turn out to be a dirtbag. 271 00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:55,262 You better pay up, Simpson. 272 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,077 [WHIMPERING] 273 00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,350 [GRUNTS] 274 00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:02,394 You'll regret the day you crossed Dexter Colt. 275 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:06,555 You'll regret the day you went to the expensive coffee place. 276 00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:09,693 [THE WINSTONS' "COLOR HIM FATHER" PLAYING] 277 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,633 I think I'll color him love 278 00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,416 Color him love 279 00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:16,304 Breaking news at the Screaming Monkey Research Labs... 280 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,307 ...where test animals have been freed by unknown activists. 281 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,393 Chief Wiggum, uh, do you have a statement? 282 00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:25,000 Uh, yes. Yes, I do, Kent. This is a horrible crime. 283 00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,086 One that... Ha, ha. 284 00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,994 Cut it out, Lou. I... 285 00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:30,621 He's making funny faces. 286 00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:33,519 Sorry, chief. One of these monkeys has the same name as my ex-wife. 287 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:36,053 [LAUGHS] 288 00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,597 Chief, do you have any suspects at this time? 289 00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,131 Well, we do have several promising clues. 290 00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:44,082 Uh, let's see. There's a Malibu Stacy scrunchie... 291 00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:45,802 ...a saxophone reed... 292 00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:49,692 ...and a book report on The Secret Garden by Lisa Simpson. 293 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,600 What does this tell you? 294 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:54,791 Well, apparently, there's a secret garden in all of us. 295 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,293 And that Lisa Simpson is guilty. 296 00:14:57,773 --> 00:14:58,982 [HOMER, LISA AND MARGE GASP] 297 00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:00,234 I was framed. 298 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,507 - You believe me, don't you, Dad? - Of course I do. 299 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:05,802 It's all my fault for refusing to pay... 300 00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:12,423 Pay attention to you, my sweet little father-loving pile of forgiveness. 301 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,206 Yes. 302 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,072 [KNOCKING] 303 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,055 Can Lisa come out with her hands up? 304 00:15:21,839 --> 00:15:25,686 Chief Wiggum, my daughter is innocent until proven guilty. 305 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,846 [TIRES SCREECH] 306 00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,254 Would an innocent person flee? 307 00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:34,685 No, really. Tell me. I honestly don't know. 308 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:37,010 - Chief, no. - Even I knew that. 309 00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:40,190 Yeah, yeah, I'm not... I'm not good. 310 00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:44,319 [SIRENS WAILING] 311 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,796 Ha, ha. They're trapped. 312 00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:57,895 Oh, damn it. 313 00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:00,210 [MARGE SIGHS] 314 00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:03,286 I can't stop worrying about Homer and Lisa. 315 00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:07,030 Oh, Mom. This'll take your mind off them. Unh! 316 00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,315 Oh, thank you, sweetie. 317 00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:12,869 [MARGE HUMS] 318 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:14,391 [BREAKS] 319 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,696 BROCKMAN [ON RADIO]: Police are looking for a bald man in blue pants... 320 00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:20,209 ...and a fair-haired girl in a red lampshade. 321 00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:23,265 Blackening our hair was a great idea, Dad. 322 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,861 I look just like a Powerpuff Girl. 323 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:28,885 I look just like Elvis. 324 00:16:29,865 --> 00:16:30,741 [GROANS] 325 00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:37,664 - Names, please? - Lady Penelope Ariel Ponyweather. 326 00:16:38,332 --> 00:16:40,156 Uh, Rock Strongo. 327 00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:41,606 Your real name? 328 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,995 - Uh, Lance Uppercut. - Thank you. 329 00:16:45,631 --> 00:16:46,986 Sign here, Mr. Uppercut. 330 00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:49,468 Let me just put on my glasses. 331 00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,498 You're charging how much for a room? 332 00:16:59,061 --> 00:16:59,937 [PHONE RINGS] 333 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,146 Hello? 334 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,972 HOMER [ON PHONE]: Hello. This is a phone survey. 335 00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:06,464 If the election were held today... 336 00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:09,655 ...would you vote for A, the cops are there... 337 00:17:10,239 --> 00:17:12,689 ...or B, you're free to talk. 338 00:17:13,242 --> 00:17:15,838 Uh, A. And I'd like to add... 339 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:20,624 ...that proposition "Hug Lisa For Me" has my full support. 340 00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:24,378 Oh, Marge. You're not getting it. It's me, Homer Simpson. 341 00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:25,879 [CHUCKLES] 342 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:27,746 - We got a location, chief. - Good work, Lou. 343 00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:31,280 We'll leave right after dinner. 344 00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:34,596 Lisa, this is from your mom. 345 00:17:35,514 --> 00:17:37,860 Aw. Life on the lam is really hard. 346 00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:39,925 But at least it's with you, Dad. 347 00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:42,291 I feel terrible for putting you through this... 348 00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:45,263 ...after what a wonderful father you've been. 349 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,819 Oh. Lisa, I can't lie to you any longer. 350 00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:50,748 This is all my fault. 351 00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,948 I'm the worst dad in the world. 352 00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:54,502 What? Why? 353 00:17:54,867 --> 00:17:57,724 The man who framed you is a crooked detective who I hired. 354 00:17:58,328 --> 00:17:59,611 Why did you do that? 355 00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:02,781 To find out everything about you so I'd seem like a good father. 356 00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:04,731 How could you? 357 00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:08,130 Well, all the childless drunks at Moe's thought it was a great idea. 358 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,060 Let's just get some sleep. 359 00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,352 All right, Simpsons, the jig is up. We know you're in there. 360 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,095 HOMER: Okay. I'm coming right out the door. 361 00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:28,098 Damn it. These windows are so hard to squeeze through. 362 00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:30,183 [HOMER GRUNTS] 363 00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:40,662 Cheer up, honey. We're living an all-natural existence, the kind you like. 364 00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:42,539 Ooh, a trash can. 365 00:18:42,915 --> 00:18:44,343 We'll find breakfast in here. 366 00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:46,429 I don't wanna eat from the trash. 367 00:18:46,877 --> 00:18:48,086 Oh, a banana. 368 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:53,071 What the...? It's full of cigarette butts. 369 00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:54,655 So is this one. 370 00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:57,502 They must've come from over there. 371 00:19:03,936 --> 00:19:05,218 Those are the test animals. 372 00:19:05,604 --> 00:19:07,762 The detective must've sold them to the circus. 373 00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:09,483 We'll just tell the police... 374 00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:12,017 ...and then I'm back to being plain old Rock Strongo. 375 00:19:12,528 --> 00:19:14,790 COLT: You're not telling nobody nothing. 376 00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:18,554 Make one move and you'll get a belly full of the Flying Giuseppe. 377 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,692 How you doing? 378 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,143 Dexter Colt, the man who framed my daughter. 379 00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:28,106 - You should've paid the expenses. - In retrospect, yes. 380 00:19:30,629 --> 00:19:32,203 [GASPS] 381 00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:40,337 [HOMER GRUNTS] 382 00:19:40,681 --> 00:19:42,505 Ooh. I think that fixed my back. 383 00:19:42,975 --> 00:19:43,882 [CRACKING] 384 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,279 Oh, no, no. It's much worse. 385 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:50,826 I'll just hide here. 386 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,401 [YELPS] 387 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,809 [YELPS] 388 00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:56,405 [WHIMPERING] 389 00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:01,410 [LAUGHS] 390 00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:02,651 Now what are you gonna do? 391 00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:05,372 You can't shoot all of us. Damn it. 392 00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:10,137 You know, Simpson, from the moment you walked into my office... 393 00:20:10,711 --> 00:20:13,130 ...I had a feeling I'd kill you in a hall of mirrors. 394 00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:14,986 Dad? Are you in here? 395 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,239 - How did she find us? - Oh, Lisa has excellent hearing. 396 00:20:18,844 --> 00:20:21,513 Once when she was 3, I was quietly sobbing in the closet... 397 00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:23,004 ...and she found me. 398 00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:25,653 Oh, Dad, you do remember something about me. 399 00:20:26,185 --> 00:20:29,333 Perhaps you also remember this laser Bart gave me earlier. 400 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,690 [GRUNTS] 401 00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,932 I can't see. 402 00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:36,361 How ironic. 403 00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:41,022 Now, he's blind after a life of enjoying being able to see. 404 00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:45,986 Well, it wasn't easy, honey. 405 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:47,904 But I'm glad you love me again. 406 00:20:48,332 --> 00:20:50,594 Yeah. But what's gonna happen to the animals? 407 00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:53,795 Don't worry, honey. They released them all into the wild. 408 00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:56,173 [MONKEYS GIBBERING AND PIGS GRUNTING] 409 00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:59,384 Cletus, if I find pig lipstick on your collar again... 410 00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,054 ...I'm not gonna let you sleep in the sty no more. 411 00:21:02,554 --> 00:21:03,764 Duly noted. 412 00:21:32,584 --> 00:21:34,336 BART: Hey, Dad. Will you read me a story? 413 00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:36,109 HOMER: Why certainly, son. 414 00:21:36,505 --> 00:21:38,444 Just hand me that book you got there. 415 00:21:38,924 --> 00:21:41,009 COMPUTER VOICE: Unauthorized user. Access denied. 416 00:21:41,510 --> 00:21:42,970 [BOOK BUZZING AND HOMER SCREAMING] 417 00:21:43,387 --> 00:21:45,253 [BART LAUGHING] 418 00:21:50,269 --> 00:21:51,582 WOMAN: Shh. 419 00:21:56,692 --> 00:21:57,568 [English - US -SDH] 31636

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