All language subtitles for the.simpsons.s13e05.1080p.bluray.x264-teneighty-en

The Simpsons.

Putting away groceries,

it's like unwrapping
presents from yourself.

Fruit Roll-Ups for Bart.
Beer Roll-Ups for Homer.

Burly? I bought
the wrong brand, Maggie.

I'll just take them right
back to the store and...

Whoa!

Look at those massive
plaid shoulders!

Look at that absorbativity!
I've gotta tell someone.

I came home as quick as
I could. What's going on?

Watch what happens
when I spill this blue liquid.

You pulled me out
of school for this?

Absolutely. You're
about to get a lesson

in value.

And Burly's still got soaking
power. Spill something else.

Mom, I believe you.

Spill it.

Ooh, Burly,
you're insatiable.

Oh, Burly, you're so
rugged and manly.

Marge, a bee almost
stung me today.

I felt the wind go
right by my ear.

Oh, it's okay, Homie.
The bee's all gone.

Fantasize, Marge.
Fantasize about Burly.

Hey, you're looking at that
spokes-jack. Well, I can fantasize, too.

Ooh! Mama Celeste.

You touch me
and I cut you.

Homer, I'll tell you what I told
Redford. It ain't gonna happen.

"Dear Burly, comma, I've never
written to a registered trademark before.

"Are you a real person or just
a composite? Question Mark.

"In either case, I would
love a signed photo.

"Sincerely, Marge Simpson."

"Love"?
"Signed photo"?

Marge hasn't asked me
for a signed photo in months.

Well, I'll show her.

Hello?

We have a person-to-person
call for Marge Simpson.

Person-to-person!

Hello.
This is Chad Sexington,

the model for
Burly Paper Towels.

How did you
get my number?

I don't know. But I was
quite moved by your letter.

I'd love to meet you and your
family. Shall we say dinner?

Oh, my goodness...

Perfect.
I'll be there at 7:00.

Oh, my God!
Dinner with Burly!

Playing a prankeroo, eh?

I was having a private
conversation with my wife

in the guise of Chad
Sexington. Do you mind?

So, how was your day? Did
anything unbelievable happen?

Phone calls?
Things of that nature?

You're not
gonna believe it.

That paper towel lumberjack is
coming here for dinner tonight.

Tonight? Well, you
better get your hopes up.

I will.

That's him!

Oh, my God!

Why, look.
It's Chad Sexington!

Hey, baby!
I'm that guy you like.

Barney? Where's Chad? I...

Congratulations.
I feel ridiculous.

You mean I was just a prop
in some cruel joke?

Now you've done it.
You've really humiliated Mom.

It was hard on me, too.
I had to wear a suit.

You're right. I've gotta
make it up to her.

I suggest
dinner and a show.

How about Benihana,
where dinner is the show?

No, huh?

Walking to hell
and back again

I guess it was
a pretty funny prank.

I like the ones where
nothing catches on fire.

Yeah. Nothing is
hurt except feelings.

Walking to hell
and back again.

Okay. You've seen our next
performer on Mike Douglas, Merv Griffin

and Art Linkletter's
House Party.

Please welcome Mesmerino,
the hip hypnotist.

Thank you. Thank you very,
very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Let's see.
Who do we have here?

Well, what's the matter
with you, champ?

You couldn't find a date?

I didn't come here to be
heckled and spoofed and whatnot.

Why did you come here?
Seriously though.

When I snap my fingers,
my friend,

you will be
a make-out artist.

Glayvin! That's a powerful...

Whoa!

Hold it
'cause it's different!

Hey, cupcake, listen good.

I want you
to swallow that gum

and meet me in the coatroom,
in five, four, three, two, now.

Whatever you say, Professor.

And back you go.

Ooh! Hey!

No, no, don't make me! I don't
want to go back to the nothing!

I don't...

Oh, dear.
I've redorkulated.

Hey, smart move, Four-Eyes.

Sitting next to Skeletor here
makes you look like Hercules.

Zing.

What's a "Skeletor"?

No, no, I kid.
But seriously,

it's very nice to see a
young man take his father out

for a night of hypnotism

before he dies.

Actually, my father
died a long time ago.

Okay. Is anyone here
not a downer? Anyone?

Do me! Do me!

I am in your power.
Boss me around.

When I snap my fingers,
you will transform into

a famous historian.

Look at me! I'm a famous
historian! Out of my way!

Thank you. Now you
are Emily Dickinson.

Look at me! I'm Angie
Dickinson! Out of my way!

Now you are a young boy,

uh, yourself
at 12 years old.

I'm 12 years old.
I'm with my friends.

It's a beautiful summer day
at the old swimming hole.

Oh, my God!

Do something, Mesmerino.

Uh, yes. Yes.

That's better.

Dad, what's wrong?

We better
get him home.

There you go.

And Bart is set for the week.

Oh, no.

Sorry, Mrs. S. He was kind
of disrupting things at work.

Yeah. He ruined
naptime and quiet time.

Oh, Homie,
you poor thing.

Oh, cool.
He's still mental.

Yeah. My hunch is he's struggling
with some sort of repressed memory.

Hmm. How do we
unrepress it?

Well, the Yaqui Indians brew a
special tea that unlocks memories.

It would be a good excuse
to use my Yaqui tea set.

Well, is anything
coming back to you?

There have been so many
classic Simpson moments.

I remember that time I tried
to jump over Springfield Gorge.

I'm gonna make it!

No, Dad. Everyone's
sick of that memory.

Try to remember
back when you were 12.

Something frightening
must have happened.

Hmm. Twelve.

Well, I remember
I used to go hiking a lot

with these two guys.

It was one of
those lazy summer days

you thought
would last forever.

And to kill the boredom,
we sang.

Mister Sandman,
bring me a dream.

Make him the cutest
that I've ever seen.

Check it out, Fat Tony. Those
jokers think they're The Cowsills.

And lots of wavy hair
like Liberace.

You guys have blundered
into our secret tobaccy patch.

Wow! Is that
wacky tobaccy?

The wackiest.

Let's punch
and kick them!

Not so fast.

He's got a Daisy.

We better scram.

Eighteen more pumps,
that could break the skin.

Hey, thanks, Moe.

And that's how a troubled
young Moe saved the day.

Moe, what are you
doing here? What am I...

My bar is empty is what.
Why ain't you guys there?

We're trying to uncover a hidden
trauma in my dad's childhood.

What? You mean
that time he wigged out?

Well, give me some of
that Indian memory tea there

and I'll tell you
all about it.

Mmm! That's good Yaqui.

Okay. That night we
camped out under the stars.

Look at all them stars. Bunch of
lazy lights, don't do nothing for nobody.

Hey, you know what
I'm looking forward to?

The future. Have you heard
about this Internet thing?

Internet?

Yeah. It's the inner netting
they invented to line swim trunks.

It provides
a comforting snugness.

Hey, what was that?

That's that nuclear
plant they just opened.

Yeah, that's your future,
busting atoms.

Can you imagine us working
there? The whole Carl Crew?

Hey, I thought we were
called Lenny and the Jets.

Hey, you're both wrong.

We're the Moe Szyslak
Experience, featuring Homer.

I like the sound of that.

Friends forever?

Friends forever.

Ow! That hurts!
Man, we're stupid.

I hate you guys.

The next morning we went out
to the old quarry to have a swim.

You guys really
gonna dive off of here?

Not me. I'm shaking
like a French soldier.

Yeah. I think I just
logged on to my Internet.

Only a moron would
jump into that...

Geronimo!

Oh, my God!

And there's your
whatchamacall repressed trauma.

I mean, who likes
getting muddy? It's terrible.

Okay.
Let's go to Moe's now.

Wait a minute. I
remember falling in the mud.

But I don't think that's
why I've been screaming.

Fine.
Crap all over my theory.

Something else
happened in that quarry.

Something else.

Hey, what happened
to all the water?

Hey, there's
something blocking it.

Hey, come on.

Come on, Homer! We're
going to Sears to feel the bras!

What the heck is that thing?

You found a corpse
when you were 12?

No wonder you've
been so traumatized.

It's responsible for
everything wrong in my life.

My occasional overeating,
my fear of corpses.

What I want to know is what the
heck was that body doing there?

Maybe there's murder afoot.

Murder most foul?

Maybe.

You know,
if Dad never told anyone,

that body must
still be out there.

This sounds like a case that
only the Simpson family can solve.

Okay. Uh, well,
we'll just be going then.

Hey, you guys can
come with us.

No, no, no.
He said "Simpson family."

I mean, you know,
it sounded exciting.

But, you know,
we don't want to intrude.

Thanks for understanding.

Oh, okay. Well...

I'll see ya.

Bye, Moe.

Yep. The old quarry
is just a stone's throw away.

Stop saying that, Dad.

Never.

Hey, there's Mesmerino.

Seventeen seventy-six.

"How much is left
in my checking account."

This is it.
This is the old quarry.

Maybe we should come back
in the daytime.

Someone's yellow
belly is showing.

Oh, sorry.

Ah, geez.
Right in the eyes.

Chief Wiggum!

Who's there? How do you...
How do you know my name?

It's us, the Simpsons.

I saw your car
by the gate and I...

Well, I thought
you might be lost hikers.

'Cause then I could
rescue you, and be a hero.

And maybe
the city would give me

a coupon for
free guitar lessons.

So what are you doing here?

We're investigating
a possible murder case.

Oh. You mind if I tag along?
I'm kind of a crime buff.

If there's a body in here,
we'll drag it up.

Heck. It's just
an old shopping cart.

Oh, and it's empty.

Put it back. I don't
want to see it this way.

We'll never find the body
under all this water.

Water, eh?

Burly to the rescue!

Oh, that is so cool.

Hey! What's that over there?

Don't get excited.

It's just a skull-shaped rock
and a bunch of white sticks.

It's the body.

And someone has
eaten the flesh.

But whose body is it?

And who sent it
down that pipe?

Now do you believe
dead rats float, Lisa?

Yes.

Well, looks like
the end of the line.

That means our murderer could
be on the other side of this hatch.

What are you doing
in my corpse hatch?

Montgomery Burns, you're
under arrest for murder.

Did I say corpse hatch?
I meant "innocence tube."

Then how do you
explain this?

I've been expecting
this day for 30 years.

In a way, it's a relief.

But in another way,
it's most unwelcome.

All right, quit stalling,
Burns. Who'd you ice?

I'm afraid that skull
belongs to my dear friend,

Waylon Smithers Senior.

Mr. Smithers' father!

But I did not murder him.

And I can prove it

with this film.

Ooh! A movie!
I call the couch!

If you see only one film this
year that proves my innocence,

make it this one.

Why are these
numbers so high?

Why is that
red light flashing?

And what's that
alarming sound?

Smithers, get in here!
Smithers!

Sorry, Monty.
I was feeding Waylon Junior.

Will you put
that baby down?

There's something wrong
with the reactor core.

I better go in
and have a look.

No, Waylon Senior.

It could be filled
with atoms, and steam,

and other
nuclear bric-a-brac.

If this reactor blows,
the whole town is doomed,

including my son.

So, you're a baby, huh?
How's that working out for you?

He did it!

Look at your
heroic daddy in there

making funny faces,
falling to the floor,

shedding his hair,
lying perfectly still...

Oh, dear.

Sir.

Smithers Senior gave his life
to save the plant.

And since cover-ups
were all the rage back then,

I shoved his heroic corpse
down the sewer pipe.

I never told Smithers
the truth about his father.

Until tonight, sir.

Smithers Junior.

Ha! Busted.

Now the movie's turned
into a play. Still good though.

I'm sorry
I lied to you, Waylon.

But I wanted to spare you the
details of your father's gruesome death.

Well, I'm glad to know he died
a hero instead of that other way.

I told him his father was killed in the
Amazon by a tribe of savage women.

I hope it didn't
affect you in any way.

We'll never know, sir.

Well, Marge, we solved the
case of the haunted quarry.

Homer, shouldn't we give
that skull to Mr. Smithers?

Why? He'd just bury it.

Hey! Hey! I found a clue that's
gonna bust your mystery wide open.

Sorry.
We already solved it.

Well, you want to take a look
at it anyways just for ha-ha's?

Seems kind of pointless now.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

It's just that, you know,
I went to a lot of trouble,

you know, making the
envelope and everything.

Let's see
what you have, Moe.

Okay.

Now this first thing is just
gonna look like a used Band-Aid,

and it is.

But the rest of the stuff don't
make no sense without it.

So, you know,
bear with me.

Wow, Moe. You've been
doing a lot of sleuthing.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I
sleuthed my ass off on this one.

Okay, this is a number six
from somebody's address.

Or is it a nine?
You don't know.

This is gravel.
Okay? Gravel.

This is... That's more
gravel. Okay. Oh!

This is... That's more
gravel. Okay. Oh!

This is a shell that, to me,
this is just me talking.

It looks like
a helmet for a mouse.

Now, that sounds crazy, right?

But if you ask the mice
about it, they don't say nothing.

I mean,
they run the other way.

At first, I was just fishing
with the helmet thing.

But then from
the mouse reaction I got,

I got a little
more concerned.

You really made
that envelope?

'Cause it says
"Hammermill" over here.

Um... No.

ENGLISH - US - PSDH