All language subtitles for aaf-simpsons2017-1080p-en

The Simpsons.

Did you unscrew all the
Phillips heads? Check.

Did you unscrew
all the flat-heads?

Yep. And now we wait.

Now go hide the evidence
while I walk around saying,

"What happened?
Who would do such a thing?"

I'll return these to the shop room.
What's left of it.

Skinner!

Don't
tell him I'm here.

I know you're there, Skinner.

I'd recognize those discolored
Hush Puppies anywhere.

Hear that? He thinks my Try
'N Save brand Shush Mutts

are genuine Hush Puppies.

We've got the how, we've got the
who, but we don't have the why.

Here it is!

Hard to believe one lad
can cause all this mayhem.

Particularly a lad who failed
Introduction to Unscrewing.

And I don't buy this
lone prankster theory.

I think there was
a second fun man.

And if you don't
identify him,

you're looking at
a week suspension!

A nickel.

Milhouse, you realize
if you're suspended,

you'll be missing
Taco Wednesday?

Crunchy shell, ground beef,
lettuce, mild sauce

and, of course,
shredded Cheddar cheese.

I'll never tell.

Consider yourself
suspended, mister.

Willie, take him
to the big house

where he lives.

Let's go, lad.

Suspended boy walking!

Thanks for not
selling me out, man.

This really sucks, Bart.

I'm grounded
and spend all day

listening to my dad yell
at Mad Money w/ Jim Cramer.

You said tech stocks
were bulletproof!

Look, I gotta go.
But don't worry.

I'll visit you every day.
I promise.

Bart, you're a true friend.

Bye.

Well, I'm glad they suspended Milhouse.
He's a bad influence on you.

You know, I think
Milhouse is El Barto.

And now you're gonna
visit your grampa

while I park around the
corner and take a nap.

So, Grampa, not like
I'm anxious to go,

but I've been here
10 minutes,

which is like seven hours
in kid years.

Oh, isn't she marvelous?

It's her! The little girl who
doesn't recoil at the sight of us!

Hi, guys! I brought cookies.

Chocolate chip for Donald.

Low sodium for Abe.
Hey!

Not made by
immigrants for Sam,

and imaginary
for Major Preston.

With this cookie,
I can buy back.

Private O'Malley
from the Zulus.

I think it is so cool what you are doing.
So what's the gag?

You put ex-lax
in the cookies,

then just sit back
and watch the fireworks?

I would never do that!

Oh, right.

I was thinking of other
things that are hilarious.

Like things that
you think are funny.

Yeah, those are funny.

Yeah.

I'm Bart.
I'm Jenny.

She had more curves
than a Hot Wheels track.

Well, she didn't yet,
but she would after puberty.

Oh, my God!
How long was I zoned out?

Bart, this is my Aunt Belle.

We dress alike.
Isn't that cute?

Math, done.
Pinecone, collected.

Permission slip, signed.
Now time for a break,

a little social studies.

"What will Springfield
be like in 50 years?"

Let's see what
the computer says.

That's horrible. What else?

Oh, my God!

It just gets worse and worse!

So who's the
special someone?

Jenny, fifth grade girl.

Whoa! She gets to use
the real scissors. Nice.

When she talks to me,
I feel like a better person.

Powerful stuff. You better
claim her as your own.

Punch her in her arm.

Or if you're really serious,
stick gum in her hair.

Here, I always come prepared.

Take two.
You might get lucky.

Hey, Jenny.
Hi, Bart.

Boy, you make
it look effortless.

And that kid's
giving you zero pump.

Oh. You know what
a girl likes to hear.

Seal the deal.
Punch her. Punch her!

Punch her!

Hey, do you want to go
on a picnic tomorrow?

You'd love my PB & J. The
secret is no PB, double J.

It's a date.

Yes!

Willie,
I've got a girlfriend!

Really? Well, I do, too. She's
a bikini model from Sweden.

Hey, that's great.

Willie, darling, come back to bed.
Don't you love me?

Don't compete with my job, Inga.
You'll never win.

And now Ralph Wiggum will read his
essay on Springfield in 50 years.

In 50 years, the vacuum cleaner
will be quiet and not scary.

Next we have Lisa Simpson.

Oh, Ralph,
how I envy your optimism.

There is no Springfield
50 years in the future!

With global warming
trapping the CO2

inside our
poisonous atmosphere,

our super-heated oceans will
rise, drowning our lowlands,

leaving what's
left of humanity

baking in deserts
that once fed the world!

And in the new Nineveh,
darkness falls.

Lisa, your outburst was either a
sign of deep emotional imbalance

or a passionate response
to a sobering truth.

LuckHy, the treatment for
both is intensive therapy.

What's therapy gonna do for
me when the world is in ashes?

Oh, I don't know.

But when you go,
could you return

this Sports Illustrated
for me?

Someone must've
put it in my bag.

They do that, you know? They're
always putting things in my bag.

So you
visit old folks.

How else do you make
the world a better place?

Uh... I...

I spend a lot of time working
with this mentally challenged guy.

Why, here he is now.

Looking good, Homer!
Boy.

He seems pretty
high functioning.

Just wait.

Don't shake your fist at me!

Look, man. I don't want any trouble.
Come on.

Here. Just take my wallet.
Leave me alone, okay?

Do you know who else
was really into rowboats?

Jesus. And he could've turned
his rowboat into a jet ski,

but he didn't. Good guy.

Cheese and crackers! Look!

Oh. You want your duckling back?
Here it is.

Psych!

That'll teach you to match wits
with us, you stupid mother duck!

Bart, can't you do something?

Those bullies are gonna kill me.
Why am I doing this?

Oh, yeah.

Please, guys,
give me a break.

Can you give me the duckling
without beating me up?

Well, we'll have to
beat you up a little.

Come on. I'm trying
to impress a girl.

So are we.

Either the duck suffers
or the kid does

or none of you's getting
nothing from Shauna.

I'm Shauna.

Oh, Bart, if those ducklings
understood how magnificent you were,

they'd stop biting your leg.

We believe Lisa is suffering
from environment-related despair.

It's even worse
when you know it has a name.

Now don't worry.

She'll be fine after years
of expensive treatment.

And we have a new drug to
combat this syndrome, lgnorital.

Let me show you
how lgnorital works.

It turns this to this! Huh?

Lisa's a little young
to be taking happy pills.

Marge, we came to an appointment
in the middle of the day.

That's the most
a parent can do.

We done here?

Oh, go ahead. Numb me.

Mom, can I get
those dishes for you?

What's your angle, mister?

No angle.

If this girl I'm seeing
comes here, and she might,

I wouldn't mind
if you told her

I was the kind of boy
that does the dishes.

Yeah. Busboys get
all the chicks.

Well, off to school where
they'll prepare our little minds

for a future we'll never see.

Sounds like someone's
got a case of the Mondays.

I'm going to Dizzyland.

I see trees of green.

Red roses too.

I see them bloom.

For me and you.

And I think to myself.

What a wonderful world.

So this is setting the table.

If I'd known
how easy this was,

I'd have just done it instead
of throwing all those tantrums.

Oh, Bart, I don't care
that this is just an act.

You've finally become the boy
every mother dreams of, a girl!

You never told me
that the special man

you were working with
is your father.

It's not an
easy thing to admit.

Is the rest of
your family okay?

Well...

Hello, smiley face.
Hello, smiley face!

Officer down.

Jenny, it's amazing what
you've done with my son.

Well, I think Bart is an incredible
combination of Habitat for Humanity

and the Jonas Brothers,

and nothing can ever change
my opinion about him.

We don't have any money!
Go away!

May I de-corn your cob,
my darling?

Why didn't you come
to visit me, Bart?

Well, yeah, I meant to.
I've just been so busy.

My schedule's been all like...

But what could be more
important than your best friend?

Who's this, Bart?

I see how it is.

Actually, I don't.
My glasses are fogged.

Bart, I learned some great
new swear words from my uncle.

He has got a broken back,
so he's in constant pain.

Bart, would you be
interested in swears?

Yes, because only
by knowing them

can you prevent bad little
kids from saying them.

What do you want from me?

I wanna know
why my best friend

didn't visit me
like he said he would.

Milhouse, real best friends often
don't speak for years at a time,

like John Adams
and Thomas Jefferson.

Just because you saw one
episode of one miniseries

doesn't mean you get
to use it as a whip!

Look, man. I have to
keep my dark past hidden.

There's someone new
in my life now.

Oh, I get it. It's love. I guess
you've found your Abigail Adams.

My Who?

So I'll be on my way.

I can see I'm the fifth wheel on
this bicycle with training wheels.

But the next time
I see you two,

I might not be able
to hold my tongue.

It's really
quite difficult.

Reverend, care for some
of my devil's food cake?

Is that really devil's food?

No. It's angel food
with chocolate on top.

Mmm-hmm. I knew it.

Sorry I'm late.

I didn't realize you had to
turn the oven on to bake stuff.

So, Jenny,
I hear you're religious.

Know what my favorite
book of the Bible is?

Revelations.

Mine, too.

Bart, we should take Milhouse
on our trip to Juice Country.

Are you nuts? Milhouse
will spill everything.

By which I mean juice,
not secrets.

Yeah. You guys
don't want me there.

But I'm sure we'll see
each other soon.

Bart, you look tense.
Have a cookie.

Don't worry.

Be happy.

Don't worry, be happy.

If you don't stop smiling,
you're gonna get a kiss.

That's it! We're getting
you off the meds!

We should be safe
from Milhouse here.

Being at sea level
gives him nosebleeds.

Milhouse is funny.

The way he's always
shaking me by the shoulders

and saying I don't
know the real you. Funny.

I'm tired of talking
about Milhouse!

Hello, Bart. Surprised
to see me at sea level?

Well, you can't bleed out your
nose when your heart's broken.

Milhouse, could you stop
being creepy forjust a minute?

No.

Jenny, do you see how
the dolphin in that tank

seems to shy away
from Bart?

Why might that be?

Jenny, I can't take the pressure anymore.
I have to come clean.

I'm only pretending
to be good.

Before I met you,
I was El Barto,

Skinner's Bane,
the Sultan of Spit Wads,

the Dean of D-Minus,
the Ay Caramba Kid!

No, no, no, no.

But now I'm good because
you turned me good!

Isn't that all that matters?

Are you saying our entire
relationship is based on lies?

Not our entire relationship.
Just the stuff I said.

I can't believe
she dumped me!

Oh, son, girls come and go. But
you'll always have your family.

I know! I know!

Hit me again, Pu.

Whatever you are
looking for,

it is not at the bottom of a
512-ounce cup of Shrek Berry Blast.

What is at the bottom is
this dumb Shrek trivia quiz,

which if answered correctly, entitles
you to 10% off any Shrek DVD,

except the first two.

Bart, in my
concurrent adventure,

I learned a really
important lesson.

You can't wallow in despair.
Face things as they really are.

You're right! I've gotta
straighten this out.

How much for
these roses, Apu?

$10.

Okay, I... What happened
to my roses, Apu?

You said you'd watch them
while I shopped.

No such conversation
took place.

What am I gonna put on
my grandmother's grave?

How about this standee

from last year's Super Bowl?
Sold!

Grandma, a lot has happened.
I went to a condo presentation.

I put down my deposit. But then
they lost funding mid-project.

That crane just sits there
every day, rusting.

I'm so sorry I tried
to deny who I really was.

You deserve better.
I'll never hurt you again.

Can you forgive me?

Oh, Bart, I was
born forgiving you.

You've always been
there for me, man.

I'll never turn my back
on you again.

Punch him.
Punch him! Punch him!

Milhouse, what do you say
to a makeup prank?

Smooth and slippery.
Thank you, Zamboni King.

Happy to oblige.

Simpson!

Skinner!

Cue music.

And cue snow.

English - US - PSDH