All language subtitles for aaf-simpsons2014-1080p-en

The Simpsons.

A home and
garden show?

Mom, you said we were
going to a videogame expo.

You told me we were gonna
pick up trash by the freeway.

You told me something
but I wasn't listening.

I'm sorry for fibbing.

Tell you what, if you don't like it,
you can complain all the way home.

Fair enough. Kids,
let's practice.

Well, that sucks.

There's a day we'll never get back.
I was so bored!

That was good.

But, Lisa, you're still complaining
from your throat, not your diaphragm.

I was so bored.

Ooh! Look, a welcome mat
that tells you your weight.

Your weight is...

Warranty voided.

Oh, my God!
Look over there!

The Sprinkle King, Sprinkle
Queen and Deluxe Sprinkle King

are the Simon and Garfunkel plus one of
hose/nozzle dispersal arrays. Observe.

Classic hose play.

What is that
soothing sound?

Maybe it's beef stew.

Hot tubs!
Guys, what's it like?

Getting a backrub
from an orgasm.

I want to buy your
fanciest hot tub.

You mean the
You Soup 5000.

Please, can I get it, Marge?
Please, please?

I can have all my
birthday parties in it.

I'll be less stressed. And
I'm really freaking stressed!

If I'm more relaxed, I'll be a better mom.
Can we? Can we?

Wait a minute. Who am I pleading with?
Beats me.

I don't know.
Please, please, please.

Now I know why lobsters
let out that joyful squeal

when they're
dropped in the pot.

We're starting to
attract swingers.

All right!
Yeah.

Yes!
Look at that.

I'm on it.

Go back to
your day spas!

Maybe we
should get out now.

Interesting proposal.

Now with an opposing
point of view, bubbles!

Oh, yeah!

Hey, cool yourjets! We're
trying to get to sleep!

Hey, Flanders,
why don't you join us?

Afraid you'll get your mustache wet?
Well, yes.

Come on, man!
Baptize your buns!

I feel like we're
forgetting something.

Mmm. There was a note on the fridge
marked "urgent." Funny word, urgent.

Urgent. Urgent.

One of us should
go look at it.

Mmm. Probably a
reminder to relax more.

Oh, yeah.
That's it.

I'm sorry, Abe. We just can't
wait for your family any longer.

But they're coming. My son even
put a note on his refrigerator.

Please wait.
I'm afraid it's too late.

On your mark,
get set...

No!

They're blanks, Abe.

Hey, what happened
to the bubbles?

You good-for-nothing
jellyfish!

While you were lying here soaking
like a bunch of dirty dishes,

I was lonelier than Estes Kefauver
at a meeting of Murder Incorporated!

That actually makes
sense! Look it up!

Sorry we missed your
special day, Grampa.

We'll definitely
go next year.

The thing is, I ain't got
much life left to live,

and a wasted day like today is
one I know I'll never get back.

Oh, Dad, I never knew
you had dreams or emotions.

We'll make it
up to you.

We'll do something you've always
wanted to do but never got the chance.

Well, there are a few
things I was hoping to do

before I become
dust in a jar.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who
said anything about a jar?

Anyway, I made a list.

Okay.

"Pitch in the
Negro Leagues."

I can think of at least
two problems with that.

Can't read that one.
My thumb's over it.

We'll do that one!

- This place is in Ireland?
- That's right.

Now let's make
our reservations!

Lousy old man, making me
look up at an airplane.

Welcome to Ireland,
also known as the Emerald Isle,

Potatoville, East Boston,
Freckle Bog, the Land of Poetry

and the Land of Bad Poetry.

And on your left,
youWlsee Western Ireland.

On your right,
you'll see Kathy Ireland.

Hi, everyone.

I'm finally back.

The days I spent at O'Flanagan's Pub
were the happiest ones of my life.

We drink
all day We're full of guilt.

We know we're not Scots
'cause we don't wear a kilt.

We toss our darts
with a beer in our hand.

We boil our food
till it tastes really bland.

This is the life in Ireland.

Ireland!

Oh, this
is the life in Ireland.

Dunkilderry
is so quaint.

It looks like the puzzle at
the pediatrician's office.

Get ready to step back to a simpler
age, filled with tweed caps,

cheerful sheep
and unending troubles.

What the...

Upscale boutiques?

Yup-rechauns!

Plasma screen TV.

Summer in Tuscany.

Well, Ireland is at the
forefront of Europe's tech boom.

In your face, Belgium!

Bart, if you hate Belgium so much,
maybe I should take your Tintins away!

No! I'll be good.

But my favorite
pub is still there.

This isn't the way I remember it!
Where's the customers?

Where's the singing?
Where's 20-year-old me?

Run! Run, you
big sack of glue!

Tom O'Flanagan?
Quiet!

They're in the home stretch now! Come on.
Come on. Move your fetlocks!

Damn it! Will you
ever win this race?

This broadcast is from 1979.
Yes.

I'm just an old man
yelling at me tapes.

I've got lots of time for that now
no one comes into me bar anymore.

It's been years
since I've sold so much as a pint.

Don't you
mean "pint"?

It's been so long I've
forgotten how to say it!

It's a joke to even call
this place a pube.

What happened,
Tom'?

Everyone got jobs,
that's what happened.

Sir, I brought my father thousands
of miles just to drink at your bar.

Do you mean it? Look, don't toy
with an old man's heart now.

Give me a beer
and a shot of whiskey.

I'll have one drink, one
cocktail and one booze, please.

While your father and your
grandfather have a drink,

we're going
to see sights.

Hey, I just spent 10 hours on a plane.
I'm staying here.

They've got
German Krusty on TV.

Such a beautiful
language.

That's not how a
family vacation works.

We do things together while
your father has fun without us.

All right, Tom,
pour me a drink.

We have this delicious
Australian Shiraz.

An Irish drink.
Fine.

Here's some Bushmills whiskey served in
a potato, floating in a Guinness stout!

I said an Irish drink!

That's better.

"The Giant's Causeway is the
result of a volcanic eruption."

Well, kids, isn't that an
informational fact? Kids?

Come back here!

Guinness has been brewed since 1759.
Who'd like to know our secret recipe?

I'm not going to tell you.

Sure if I did, it
wouldn't be a secret.

Oh, yeah.

- That concludes our tour.
- She is great.

Well, you may
know the ingredients,

but you don't know the ratio!
Fifty-fifty?

"At Mick Ellis Island, returning
immigrants who are sick of America

"are processed by
Irish authorities."

Frank Smith.
Name?

From now on, you're
Francis O'Shaunessey. Next.

Bill Jones.
Seamus Fitzpatrick. Next.

You're Liam Fitzpatrick and
you're brothers with him.

I said you're brothers.
I didn't say you got along.

They say if you kiss
the Blarney Stone,

you get the gift of gab,
which is great,

but I'm not sure I like the idea of
getting a gift in return for kissing.

What kind of a message is
that for Lisa and Maggie?

Those are my daughters.
But on the other hand,

America doesn't have any stones worth
kissing, except for Stone Phillips.

Do you have one of him here?
If so, he's our your him.

K-I-S-S-M-Y-A-S-S
spells kiss my ass.

Fresh.

I'm gonna carve
me initials in it!

This is the life in Ireland.

You okay, Dad?

I just had a nightmare that
I was back with your mother!

How I miss her.

Ah! There they are, Dunkilderry's
newest tavern keepers.

Well, last night you said you
never wanted to leave this pub,

so you bought it from me.
We what?

All these pictures
tell no lies.

There's you meeting with the loan
officer and the title insurance company.

Here's me replacing the window
sashes that had the termite damage,

as per the escrow
agreement.

I have to say,
for blind drunks,

you had an excellent knowledge
of Irish real estate law.

We bought
this dump?

You most
certainly did.

What the...

So long, suckers!

Well, Dad, was there anything on your
list about being cheated by an Irishman?

Fourth one
from the bottom.

That takes care
of my next one.

I never heard of
half this stuff.

This brandy is 50 years
old! Better toss it!

Hey, boy-o! How about
a tall cool one?

How about you, Green Sleeves?
Irishmen love to get drunk!

I'm in AA. Who are you?
Stuttering Fonzie?

What about you,
Bicycle Pants?

I'm late for a teleconference
with Hong Kong, you fat gob!

Why, you“.

Our first sale!

Our first refund.

Find any customers? Yeah!
Look at them crowding the bar!

There's Sully and Mack, Jimmy D. And
Jimmy B. What can I get you, boys?

The usual?
We are so screwed!

It must be Bloomsday.

Every June 16, lovers of
James Joyce follow the route

traveled by Leopold Bloom
in the novel Ulysses.

Hmm. Let me make
a note of that.

What you're saying is, we've
run out of fun things to do.

Pretty much, yeah.

There's always something
to do in Ireland.

I'm trying to woo back a girl
that I met in a music shop.

Watch this, kids.

I don't know you.

But I want you
all the more.

Leave me alone!
I have a husband!

And quit sending her pianos!

Ireland doesn't like
pubs anymore.

It's as if Danish people stopped
liking sleek modern design!

Bite your tongue! That
will never everhappen!

Well, we need help,

someone who can make money with a bar
that has no customers and zero charm.

Moe, you shipped
yourself here?

No. It's how you fly
coach on Delta now.

Moe, something
terrible has happened.

The Irish have become
hardworking and sober!

Here's how you
turn this place around.

I let people do things in my
bar they can't do nowhere else.

You want a drink on a Sunday morning?
No problem.

You want to slow
dance with a goat?

I'll be doing a lot of things,
but judging ain't one of them.

Are you saying we
should break the law?

The law?
That jerk?

So what can't people
do in modern Ireland?

Well, they're certainly liberal
when it comes to romance.

Sorry, but smoking in pubs
ain't part of the new Ireland.

Also, you can't
text while driving.

What has happened
to the ways of old?

People can't smoke
indoors in Ireland!

Then you let them.
Open a smoke-easy.

Gentlemen, we have
a lot of work to do.

Moe, you were right.
Thanks.

Now I'm gonna go look for my grandfather
based on this childhood photo.

All I remember about him is he
was part of a complete breakfast.

The day they banned smoking from
pubs, a little bit of Ireland died.

But thanks to these two sweet
Yanks, our lungs are black with joy!

- To Homer and his da!
- Homer and his da!

Well, Da, it looks like all
your "der" have come "ter."

Aw... My son's first stroke.

Look at all this euro dough. These
shamrocks sure love their tobaccy.

So it's a smoke-easy
you're running, then?

So it's escaping you're
thinking of, then?

I can't tell if those are
questions or statements.

So it's our syntax
you're criticizing, then?

Close her down, boys!

Throw them in
the paddy wagon!

I mean, the "us" wagon!

Son, this was
all my fault.

You were just trying
to make an old man happy.

Don't worry,
Dad. We'll get out.

America is the New York
Yankees of countries,

powerful and respected
until the year 2000.

Oh, son, you know how
I love a good analogy.

It was apt.

Let me say, I've always
admired the Irish,

Knute Rockne, Larry Byrd, and
especially Mr. Potato Head.

Go on.

But I ask you, who does
smoking actually hurt

except the smokers,
those around them

and the unborn children of the
pregnant women we let in free

on Expectant-Mothers-Drink-Free
Night?

So I hope you'll forgive
two well-meaning Americans

for trying to take Ireland back to
the good old days of Angela's Ashes.

Thank you.

That was
absolutely terrible.

But fortunately
for you,

the punishment for your offense
is deportation and a small fine.

Thank you,
Your Honor.

And may I say, I'm glad I
could see Ireland again,

even if it isn't what
I remembered.

It got a lot nicer since we sent all
our incompetent half-wits to America

where you, for some reason,
made them police officers.

Top of the
morning to you.

Chief Clancy Wiggum here to pick up the
Simpsons and take them back to the...

Jeez, that smarts! Better put
a little ouchie spray on it.

Oh, boy! I better call
for some backup.

This is Unit One...

Oh, God.

English - US - PSDH