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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,923 The Simpsons. 2 00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,829 Three, two, one... Happy New Year! 3 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,414 Of school! 4 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,126 What are you doing? 5 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,003 It's the first day of school! 6 00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,047 You're the government's problem now! 7 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,299 Yeah! 8 00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:16,970 Free at last, free at last! 9 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,848 I can't believe we have to start another year of school. 10 00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:21,850 Inever learned anything at that suck shack. 11 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,035 Who taught you that language? 12 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:24,060 A kid at school. 13 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,812 So you did learn something. 14 00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:29,399 Homie, the insurance bill is due today. Can you make sure to mail it? 15 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:33,570 Absolutely. Insurance is the greatest deal ever. 16 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:37,782 If I get hurt, I get paid. And, man, do I get hurt! 17 00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,171 Easy. 18 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,066 What is it? 19 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,361 Not again! 20 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:25,288 D'0h! D'0h! D'0h! D'0h! 21 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:29,793 What a week. 22 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,673 Welcome to another school year. 23 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:39,094 One important note. The flower-based names of the reading groups 24 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,262 are now barnyard-based. 25 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,306 Mr. Becker has protested the move. 26 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,892 So his group will remain the Daffodils. 27 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,311 Yeah! Where are my Dils at? 28 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:51,815 Go, Dils. Go, Dils. Go, Dils. 29 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:55,026 I never tire of that. One other announcement. 30 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,237 At the end of the month, we'll be participating 31 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,031 in the Vice President's Assessment Test. 32 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,241 He stinks! 33 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,368 We're assessing you, not him. 34 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:04,452 Withdrawn. 35 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:08,498 The VPAT is part of the federal government's No Child Left Alone Act. 36 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,421 It will be a rewarding day of pencil sharpening 37 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,502 and eyes on your own paper keeping. 38 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,838 Cut the horse bull, Seymour. 39 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,924 Your scores on this test will determine how much money 40 00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:20,593 this suck shack gets for years to come. 41 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,513 So we will spend every moment of the next two weeks 42 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:28,518 drilling the questions and answers into your soft little skulls. 43 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:32,355 Shy is to gregarious. 44 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:37,152 As peaceful is to bellicose. 45 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,285 Okay, children. The answers to the standardized test 46 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,745 fall into 12 basic patterns. 47 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:51,833 Repeat after me: Ac: C: Ac: A, dabacca, accacaca. 48 00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:54,294 Accaca, dabacca, accacaca. Accaca, dabacca, accacaca. 49 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:57,297 Number two: Dacacca, adada, badacad. 50 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,883 Dacacca, adada, badacad. Dacacca, adada, badacad. 51 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,636 Biggest city in Montana! 52 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,555 Helena? Wrong! 53 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,557 912 divided by six. 54 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,975 You can't teach this way! 55 00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:11,311 Yes, I can! Studies show it works. 56 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,147 Where were these studies conducted? 57 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,482 Ball State! 58 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,318 So when you take your practice test, 59 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,029 take your number two pencil and... 60 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,655 What kind of pencil do we take again? 61 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:25,033 Number two. Take a number two. 62 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,578 Looks like you took a big number two. 63 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:33,708 Yes, quite so. As you can see, I'm holding a big number two in my hands. 64 00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,793 Enjoying the weight and feel of it. 65 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:52,060 Test day at last! Now I can show off at the federal level! 66 00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,020 Hey, Bart, on the practice test yesterday, 67 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:55,730 what did you pick as the best title 68 00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:57,774 for the paragraph about Manifest Destiny? 69 00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,275 Slurp my snot. 70 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,986 I wrote "Slurp my snot" in the ovals 71 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,780 on the answer sheet. True story. 72 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,658 Dad! Bart's throwing away his future! 73 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:10,203 Oh, no! Now who will sell oranges on the off ramp? 74 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,708 Great jokes make me hungry. 75 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,335 I wonder what's in the pantry? 76 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,137 Wait a minute. 77 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,434 Wait a minute! 78 00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:44,696 Bart, we need to talk to you about your practice test. 79 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,741 I warned you. 80 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,827 You got a perfect score. 81 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,665 Wonderful job, son. Just stellar. 82 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,417 HOW did I do? 83 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,752 What did I get wrong? Several answers. 84 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:03,464 Several? That's more than a few and almost a bunch! 85 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,259 Bart, because of your superior intellect... 86 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,761 No, but wait! I aced the math part, right? Because I... 87 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,346 Run along now. 88 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:15,101 Bart, you and the other perfect-scoring superstars 89 00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:18,313 are exempt from taking the actual test today. 90 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,397 No test? 91 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,107 Don't be too disappointed. 92 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:24,152 We are throwing you a pizza party at a bowling alley. 93 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,278 Well, it's about time. 94 00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,864 Come. Your helicopter awaits. 95 00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:39,292 Check it out! Bart's a superstar, too! 96 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,044 Bart's here! Awesome! 97 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:44,422 Wait a minute. This ain't no genius copter. This is Con Air! 98 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,008 Take it away, Willie! 99 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,638 Enjoy your flight! 100 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:55,308 Brilliant plan to remove all the underperformers for test day, sir. 101 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,727 Yes. All of them. 102 00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:01,731 Why, Seymour, it seems I left my sunglasses on the bus. 103 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,107 Well, I'd best retrieve them. 104 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,234 Yes, yes, you'd best. 105 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,529 Sir? 106 00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,699 So long, superstars. 107 00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,337 I can't believe it. 108 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,673 Superintendent Chalmers betrayed me 109 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:30,385 after all the wrapping paper I bought from his daughter. 110 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,679 Pizza party! Pizza party! 111 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,723 Helicopter! Helicopter! 112 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,100 Stop it! All of you! 113 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:40,603 What's the matter, superstar? Feeling sorry for the normals? 114 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:45,274 Don't you get it? There is no pizza party! This isn't a helicopter! 115 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,068 No pizza party? 116 00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:49,404 Not a helicopter? Huh? 117 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:58,579 Let me explain this to you in terms even the simplest will understand. 118 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:02,375 We're hiding you in Capital City for the day so your numbskullery 119 00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:06,003 won't drag down the test scores of the children who are our future. 120 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,087 Told you. 121 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,524 Will there be other numbskulls there? 122 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,883 Sort of a numbskull Olympics as it were? 123 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,552 Let's all act stupid! 124 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,348 Guys, guys! Save it for the competition! 125 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,354 ID, please? 126 00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,314 Must be in the glove box. 127 00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:33,364 This was due two weeks ago. I'm not insured! 128 00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:35,908 For the first time in my life, 129 00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,578 I'm financially responsible for my own actions! 130 00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,204 Uninsured! Uninsured! 131 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,664 Idiot! 132 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,500 I'm not in good hands! I'm in no hands! 133 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,711 Like a bad neighbor, no one is there! 134 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,883 "Dear stupid insurance company, 135 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:56,471 "I meant to mail this on time. 136 00:09:56,888 --> 00:10:00,016 "What do you mean, 'too bad'? 137 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,019 "Screw you! Heh heh." 138 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,444 I won't be insured until 3:00! 139 00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:14,113 Okay, until then, I have to avoid any serious injuries 140 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,866 or accidents on my property, or I'm ruined! 141 00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:19,869 No, you don't! 142 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:29,128 Now I know some of you may suffer from test anxiety. 143 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:33,674 Here's a helpful hint. Imagine each question is a baby chick. 144 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,969 If you answer wrong, the chick dies. 145 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,306 Shut up. They would've died anyway. 146 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:44,227 Now the test will begin in five, four, three... 147 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,646 Oh, my God. We should've begun four minutes ago. 148 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,524 Go, 90, go, 149 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:50,733 You can do it, Lisa. 150 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,528 There's nothing in the room but you and the test. 151 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,716 Focus. 152 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:21,347 Pride is to downfall as overconfidence is to... 153 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,855 What? They're all equally valid. 154 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:32,358 But that can't be. In life, everything only has one answer! 155 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,987 Piece of cake, huh? 156 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,949 I'm writing on my shirt! 157 00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:46,998 Hey, Seymour. I just realized something. 158 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:51,544 You're stuck babysitting us losers, which makes you the real loser. 159 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,797 For your information, I am not a loser. 160 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,675 I am a successful principal who paints houses in the summertime. 161 00:11:57,758 --> 00:12:00,803 You painted our garage, and it was peeling by October. 162 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,890 Your dad insisted I use an inferior primer. 163 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,142 Loser, loser. 164 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,269 Excuse me, Mommy. I have to go potty. 165 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:12,565 Otto, can you pull over? Pull over! 166 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:15,401 Sorry. I was mesmerized by the little boy's dance. 167 00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:22,658 Yo, I'll tell you what I want What I really, really want. 168 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,803 So tell me what you want What you really, really want 169 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,913 I'll tell you what I want What I really, really want. 170 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,123 So tell me what you want What you really, really want. 171 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:30,833 Ralph, are you almost finished? 172 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,501 I finished before we came in. 173 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:37,006 All right. Now we can get back on the bus and on... 174 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,677 All aboard? 175 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,847 Hey, Skinner. Want to see our impression of you? 176 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,558 Well, I guess I could use an affectionate homage. 177 00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,690 All right, stay calm, boys. Oh, God! 178 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,860 We're at the corner of Cesar Chavez Way and Martin Luther King Blvd.! 179 00:12:58,152 --> 00:12:59,487 Ay, caramba! 180 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,659 Homie, what are you doing home so early? 181 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,261 Marge, I won't bore you with the truth. 182 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,412 All I can say is that until 3:00 p.m. 183 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:10,414 we must avoid all accidents and injuries 184 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:12,041 or we're all going to the poorhouse. 185 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,794 You mean "back to the poorhouse." 186 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:15,962 Fine. "Back." 187 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,923 And we can't let anyone else get hurt on our property. 188 00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:21,092 I don't want anyone to ever get hurt. 189 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,969 Me, too, baby. But we gotta get real. 190 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,387 We can discuss it later. 191 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:27,598 Right now, while you're here, you can help host my book club. 192 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:32,019 Book club? That's the most stupid, boring thing ever! Thank you! 193 00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:39,235 Now I would never say a bad word about Cletus and Brandine, 194 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:42,905 but I hear he's been feeding slop to another woman's pig. 195 00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,415 I've been cleaved! 196 00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,377 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! We're totally liable! 197 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,383 Yeah. 198 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,970 I mean, no! 199 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,768 Maybe I should just move on to question two. 200 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,730 Question two, using what you learned in question one... 201 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,695 Lisa, like Captain Kirk, I'm not supposed to interfere. 202 00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:25,740 But like T.J. Hooker, I say what is on my mind. 203 00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:28,200 If you don't know the answer, just guess. 204 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,161 This test penalizes guessing. 205 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,872 Itdoes? All right, nobody guess! 206 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,791 Just be right! Get down on your knees, 207 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,877 Dray to your God, and ask him... 208 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,296 No, demand he tell you the answer! 209 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:43,382 And if he won't, he is no God of yours! 210 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,386 What's your plan now, skin rash? 211 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,889 My name isn't skin rash. It's Principal Skinner. 212 00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,974 And you will address me as such. 213 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,184 Sure thing, Such. 214 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:55,120 I'll deal with your insubordinate wordplay later. 215 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:59,023 My first duty is to get you boys to safety. And that's... Where's Ralph? 216 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,277 I'm playing with Elmo! 217 00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:20,294 Okay. I just have to keep these tipsy witches safe for 10 more seconds! 218 00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:25,883 Van Johnson was never half the man Van Heflin was. 219 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,178 Knife! 220 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:00,876 Apaches! 221 00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:03,295 Mr. Burns! 222 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:07,967 Why do terrible things always happen to wonderful people at 3:01 p.m.? 223 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,094 Which, for the record, is the correct time. 224 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:20,062 So, plans for the weekend? 225 00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:24,441 Marge, are you mad I forgot to send in the payment? 226 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:27,153 No, sweetie. At this point in a marriage, 227 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:30,197 a wife should know what her husband can do and what he can't. 228 00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,867 Who was I to think you could mail an envelope? 229 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,619 Baby, I hope you got snuggle insurance 230 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:38,289 because I'm about to file a claim! 231 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:53,780 Bart, do you have your slingshot? 232 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,764 No, sir. I see it in your back pocket! 233 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,141 Just don't stretch it out. 234 00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,351 I was once a boy, and like all boys... 235 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:00,769 You like all boys? 236 00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:05,649 Shut up! A child is in danger under my aegis. 237 00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,382 Run, Ralph! Run! 238 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,508 Okay! 239 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:39,975 Time to do what I've never done as principal. Something! 240 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,901 Skinner's spazzing out! 241 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,486 I'm not spazzing out. 242 00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:53,489 I'm using the principle of conservation of angular momentum 243 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,115 to turn the container! 244 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:02,081 That is so cool. That's the kind of stuff they should teach in school. 245 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,249 We do teach it in school! 246 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:06,126 You're too busy eating sugar snacks and horsing around! 247 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,045 He's right. Learning can teach you things. 248 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:10,005 Education rules! 249 00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:25,271 "But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of the rest, 250 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:29,316 "because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, 251 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,987 and I can't stand it. I been there before." 252 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,571 That book was awesome! 253 00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:39,034 Next stop, Springfield Elementary! 254 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:44,456 Skinner! Otto! Bullies! The "cowabunga" kid! 255 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:48,294 And the wee nitwit! It's so good to see you all! 256 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:55,467 All done. 257 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:59,263 And I've got two minutes to take care of these stray marks. 258 00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,141 Well, that's it. 259 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,810 The test is almost over. And I haven't done a thing. 260 00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:06,145 I've blown my whole future. 261 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,313 Right. 262 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:12,776 Well, maybe it'll be more fun to be a regular, average, 263 00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,069 stay-at-home... 264 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,780 This test is a joke! 265 00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:18,991 Skinner? 266 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:23,329 Todayl received an education in how children really learn. 267 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:27,583 By seeing their principal run around on top of a shipping container. 268 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:31,670 So children, put down your answer sheet and drop that number two. 269 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:36,425 Yes, I know what that means. I've learned so much today. 270 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,678 This is my school, and I'm throwing out the test! 271 00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:45,184 Hooray! I'm a brainy outcast again! 272 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,186 And finally, effective immediately, 273 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,521 I'm overturning this school's ban on dancing! 274 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,776 Kick off your Sunday shoes. 275 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,612 Please, Louise. 276 00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,448 Pull me off of my knees. 277 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,825 Jack, get back. 278 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,912 C'mon before we crack. 279 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,539 Lose your blues. 280 00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:10,125 Everybody, cut footloose. 281 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,543 Footloose. 282 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,505 Kick off your Sunday shoes. 283 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,299 Please, Louise. 284 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:20,094 Pull me off of my knees. 285 00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:22,679 Jack, get back. 286 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:25,516 C'mon before we crack. 287 00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:28,227 Lose your blues. 288 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:31,313 Everybody, cut footloose. 289 00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:28,787 ENGLISH - US - PSDH 21811

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