All language subtitles for aaf-simpsons2005-1080p-en

The Simpsons.

Bill and Marty here
in the middle of another

4th of July Weekend
Shock Jock Talk Block.

All weekend long,
we'll be counting down

the top 500 wacky sound
effects of all time.

And here's
number 499.

Where were you when
you first heard this?

I'll tell you where I was.
I was out eating...

I think I had Kung Pao...
And I ended up on the...

I can't listen
to this anymore.

Nobody shuts out
my blather!

Homie, let's pick up
those hitchhikers.

They don't look like
the stabby kind.

Mom, you said
all hitchhikers

were drug-crazed
thrill seekers.

I said they were thrill-crazed drug
seekers. Don't put words in my mouth.

Thanks for stopping.

This is my girlfriend
Beatrice.

Young love.

Were we ever
that stupid?

Of course we were.

Marge, I thought of a new thing.
It's called biking out.

It's a combination of
biking and making out.

I don't know.

Come on. All the teens
on bikes are doing it.

Howdy-do, strangers?

Hop on in before you become
a couple runneth over.

Ned, are you sure?
They're covered with mud.

And in that mud, I'm planting
the seed of friendship.

Name's Ned Flanders.

As the elephant said to the peanut
vendor, toss those in my trunk.

Marge, I love this guy.

Put her there,
muddy buddy.

He rhymes!
Oh, happy day.

So are you two engaged,
engaged to be engaged?

No. We thought we'd
wait a little while.

Really? Not married? And you
were bicycling two abreast?

I wish. We were
bicycling to a lake.

Word play.
Never cared for it.

But it's never too soon for you
two to join the "I do" crew.

Now I'm not saying it's
all Jell-O with Cool Whip.

She'll nag you.
She'll try to change you.

You'll be fighting
the same basic fight

for years and
years and years...

Ned, don't you think you're
exaggerating just a bit?

I think I'd like to finish my sentence.
And years.

How long have you
two been married?

Since 2:00 this afternoon.
Welcome to our honeymoon.

Marge Bouvier,
will you not marry me?

Homer Simpson, I would be
delighted not to marry you.

Then I now pronounce us
just dating.

I love kissing you. I
never want to knock it off.

Knock it off!

How dare you expose my children
to your tender feelings?

Bart, don't you dare take
your eyes off that Gameboy!

Yes, sir.

Avast, you...

I'm cuckoo for
killing stuff!

Video games, the reason this generation
of Americans is the best ever.

I can't believe Homer ruined
another family picnic.

Hey! Everybody pees
in the pool.

Not from
the diving board.

Why do we have to have
these two jerks along? I can't...

You're driving too fast.

You're losing your hair.

You sneeze like a girl.

Your neck looks
like a sideways ass.

That's it!

Eat gravel, hags!

Homer, that was rude and shortsighted.
Patty and Selma have the map.

I have the situation
under control.

The compass needle
is pointing east.

That's the fuel gauge.

How many times do I
have to say I'm sorry?

You haven't said
you're sorry.

I know. I was hoping
the number might be zero.

Can we use your phone'?
Oi course.

It's just past the sushi
bar, behind the limbo pit,

right in front of
the blackjack table.

And feel free to stay.
We just put out the cheese.

We have cubes of yellow,
cubes of orange

and cubes of
orange and yellow.

A really fun party full of colored
cheeses and awesome stuff to do?

Doesn't seem like your
kind of thing, Marge.

We'll stay for one hand
roll or two nigiri.

Then we have to
get back to the kids.

Let my dad enjoy them
alfiflelongen.

Stop! Stop!

Where are the cookies?

I don't remember!

Wrong answer!

Oh. For me?

No. Get two of your own.

You're a funny one.

That's strong. Are you
trying to get me drunk?

No. I'm trying
to get me drunk.

You know, my horoscope said I'd
meet the man of my dreams tonight.

Well, a horoscope would never
lie to a pretty girl like you.

You are adorable.
Are you alone?

No. I'm talking to you
at this great party.

Well, then would
you like to limbo?

Limbo? You mean the dance or that
place where unbaptized babies go?

Either way, I'm in.

Every limbo
boy and girl...

...All around
the something world.

Gonna do the limbo rock.

Something something
limbo something.

Limbo low now.
How low can you go?

That's how low
you can go!

Why are you dancing
with that strange woman?

She's not strange.
She's fun!

And she doesn't get jealous
when I talk to other women.

Well, then she can
have you all to herself!

How about
a sushi fight?

Sushi fight!

These fish died
for nothing!

Homer Simpson,
I wish I'd never met you.

Thanks for the lift.

What a cute couple. She's gonna
take him for a lot of money.

Here we are.

A log cabin? What am I? Davy Crockett?
Also, who's Davy Crockett?

Kids, this place has very special
memories for your mother and me.

Well, leaving right now will
become a special memory for me.

They
have a pedal car.

Pedal cars suck.

They're
worse than walking.

I'll put 100
bucks in your college fund.

I'll
take 10 bucks now.

I'll steal it
back when you're sleeping.

Well, when the sun
goes down,

it means God's gone to China
to watch over those good folks.

Time for some shuteye.

Why, Flanders,
you rogue.

All Marge and I need
are a queen-size bed

and a king-size
"Do Not Disturb" sign.

Sorry, Homer.

I'm afraid it's separate
accommodations for you notly-weds.

What? But I have urges.

That's just your
trouser devil talking.

He's not talking.
He's yelling.

Goodnight, Marge.

Sweet dreams,
my new best friend.

What better way to
celebrate our wedding night

than by keeping
an unmarried couple apart.

Oh, Maude,

yourdead
grandmother's pajamas.

You know what
that does to me.

Ineverthought I'd say
this, but stupid Flanders.

There's absolutely
nothing to worry about.

I'm in my own room being
chaperoned by an actual Christian.

Well, I just don't trust
that Homer Simpson.

He's that rare combination of up
to something and good for nothing.

Good one. We should
put that in the file.

Nice.

Madame, perhaps I can
be of some assistance.

But I can't take
a dress from a man

who looks so good
and smells so clean.

Please. When you came
to the door tonight,

I instantly imagined you in a ruched
burgundy bias-cut evening gown

with a Wolverine hem and a
contrasting cerise tulle decolletage.

Really? Me? You did?

Oh, yes. With a pair of saffron
brocade diamond mink pumps.

Oh! Pumps are shoes.
That explains a lot.

Marjorie, you look beautiful.
Let me take you for a ride.

Or should I say glide?

I'm just happy
you're talking again.

You didn't say a word
for 45 minutes.

Marge?

You don't need her, baby.

Sylvia's got
everything you want.

Do you have
a pineapple pizza?

Pineapple and pepperoni.

This is all
going so fast.

We should be getting
back to the party.

Marjorie, that party was beneath a woman
of your elegance and sophistication.

You... Oh, look,
a budget motel.

I see the word "Vacancy" is
lit and the word "No" is not.

Let us pray the "No"
is not broken, huh?

Alberto, I'm not sure
if this is such a good idea.

First we make love, then we
decide if it was a good idea.

That's the European way.

I came here once with Marge.
Are you Marge, Sylvia?

Homer, I can be whoever
you want me to be.

I want you to be Marge.

Marge?

Marge,
is that you?

My husband!

Why do married women
always have husbands?

Marge, what are you
doing here?

The same thing
you're doing here.

You better not be!
I mean, great!

We both came to rekindle
our precious memories

of when we were
young and in love. Right?

We sure did. Rekindle, rekindle...
Okay, let's go.

I have a better idea. Let's spend
the night together right here.

Fine.

But I don't want to sleep in
the same room with that chest.

I feel the same way
about that lamp.

Okay. But first the chest.

Okay!

There you are!

Homie, what's
taking so long?

Listen, you're a classy lady
and a great sushi fighter,

but you're going
in the box!

Coming, Marge.
Homie?

Good evening.
I am Alberto.

Sylvia. Let's get out of this
chest and go have a drink.

Actually, I am quite
comfortable here.

There is a flask of
cognac in my pocket.

Do you think
you can reach it?

Okay.
Is this it?

No.
But don't stop twisting.

Now let's spend the rest of the
night making sweet, sweet...

Kids?

I'm through babysitting
these monsters! Good night.

We won! He's asleep!

And we'll
stay up forever!

Well, that takes
care of those three.

Want to go for
a lakeside snuggle?

Homer Simpson, you devil.

Well, that takes
care of those three.

Want to go play
some Lakeside Boggle?

Homer Simpson, you devil.

But I think we
should unpack first.

All right. The trick
is to ease them off.

What is this dump?

Ruthie, this dump is where
your mother and I met.

It was a tale of betrayal, redemption
and a lovely continental breakfast.

Homer, those are
our wedding bungees!

Marjorie?
Homer?

It's so good
to see you.

We owe you two
a debt of thanks.

Homer, if I hadn't come
to this motel with you,

I never would have
met Alberto.

And Marjorie, if you had
completed your seduction of me,

I never would
have met Sylvia.

I can't believe one of the most
beautiful moments in our marriage

is based on lies.

You're just as bad as me,

and you used to be better,
so that makes you worse!

I don't think we can ever
trust each other again.

Ruthie, kick me away
from this nightmare.

Okay.

I wish I'd never met you.

Or you.

Why can't you just
admit we're lost?

I'll tell you what's lost,
your sense of adventure.

Just ask those guys
for directions.

Anti-nuclear activist, Dr. Helen Caldicott?
Director Julie Taymor?

Do you love
these women?

They're okay,
I guess.

Let's just skip to the
Windsor knot instructions.

Excuse me, boys. My brother
is lost and kind of a jerk.

If he'd brought a map of the
grounds as I suggested, then we...

Lisa, do you know why I spend every
day after school in detention?

So I don't have to
come home to you!

Oh, Bart. Don't say things
you can't take back.

It's out there.
Deal with it.

Oh, great.
Now you woke the baby.

I told you we should've
left her with your mother!

My God, Bart.
What happened to us?

We grew up.

So I'm sure you
missed Marge last night.

Yeah. I missed her
like five times.

What a charming
single entendre.

Now look, I know
marriage is scary,

but if you really
think she's the one,

it gives you two
a shot at forever!

Forever?
That would be awesome.

Okay, here she comes.

Why don't you take
Marge for a walk,

open your heart and
see what pours out?

I suppose you and Maude will
be coming along, as well?

Don't you think I got better things to
do on my honeymoon than spy on you two?

Red Dog,
this is Moustache One.

We have possible
male-female interaction.

Be prepared to terminate
inappropriate contact.

Ready with
the ice water.

Lock onto
his Wiener.

We have wiener lock.

Marge, when I'm with you,

I get that feeling
like when I got that

smart kid's
report card by mistake.

And for a minute,
I thought I had all A's

and that my name
was Howard Simberg.

You make me feel
that way, too.

I know we'll get
married some day.

And to prove it, I'll carve
our names on this tree

so all who are hopelessly
lost in the woods can see it.

I hate
other people's love.

So that wasn't Marge's glider parked
outside the motel five years ago.

I'm getting out of this marriage
while I'm still young and handsome!

Forever.

I couldn't even keep a
promise I made to a tree.

Maybe it's not too late. Maybe
I can still save our love!

If I just show
her that carving...

What are you doing?

Saving our marriage!

Don't be silly.

Our marriage can weather any
storm, just like this tree.

Help! Fat man
hanging from a tree!

That's for fires.

Take my hand!

I don't want to let go
of our special carving!

Homer, our marriage
isn't on a piece of bark!

It's in us!
Now take my hand.

Marge, I don't want to die
with us mad at each other.

Me, neither, Homie.

I know parts of our
marriage are based on lies,

but so are a lot of good things,
religion, American history...

I know. We had a fight. We
were both tempted. We're human.

The important thing is
we love each other.

Now we wait for
the river to freeze

if my theory of global
cooling is correct.

Hey, you guys want
a lift in my pedal boat?

It's not a pedal boat.

It's a pedal car that
Bart drove into the river

because he knows a shortcut
that's not on the map.

How would you like a shortcut
to the bottom of the river?

If it's your shortcut,
I'll be high and dry.

Knock it off
back there.

But we're married.

Okay. But keep it PG.

How about R?

- PG-13.
- Adult situations!

English - US - PSDH