Original subtitles

- I'm telling you, Harry. - I know.

We could've got away with it.

Did I say that before?

- Every day for 30 years. - Oh.

First thing I wanna do is to walk on grass.

Then I'm gonna sit under a tree and listen to a bird sing.

I wanna go through a door without hearing bells going off.

I wanna eat good food. Drink fine wine.

By myself, not with a hundred other guys.

I wanna try Chicken McNuggets.

Harry, I wanna hold a woman for about five years.

Great to get back to the old neighbourhood, eh?

Yeah, because I can't wait to see the old gang.

- Think they'll recognise us? - Why not? We ain't changed.

- The best things never do. - Damn right.

- OK, pal. Let's go. - What's the rush?

You've got two men starting their new lives.

So just open the gate.

What for? You're never gonna make it.

You guys are gonna violate parole in a week.

Correct me if I'm wrong,

but don't I detect pessimism in his voice?

I think he's being downright hostile.

- After you. - After you.

No, no. Age before beauty.

- Pearls before swine. - Anything you say, Harry,

as long as we get the hell out of here.

See you guys in one week.

I feel reborn, Arch. Like a new man.

Smell that air? That air is free.

So is this paper.

I wanted to see if I still had the touch.

Respectable citizens don't steal newspapers.

- Come on, it's a lousy two bits. - That ain't the point.

Put a quarter in the box.

Jeez.

Hey, Arch, get a load of this.

"Gold Coast Flyer retires after 50 years."

The Flyer?

It's starting its last run a week from today.

Frisco, LA, San Diego.

What's it say about us?

Well, it says the train was robbed, but it don't say by whom.

The last guys to rob a train? They don't even mention our names?

Thirty years is a long time. Might be nobody remembers us.

If we'd gotten away with it, Harry, they'd remember us.

Excuse me?

Harry Doyle and Archie Long?

- Maybe. - Who wants to know?

I'm Richie Evans.

I've been looking forward to meeting you guys.

Looking forward to meeting us?

Why is that, son?

I'm your probation officer.

Probation officer?

You always meet parolees at the prison gate?

Well, not ordinarily, but you guys are not ordinary parolees.

We ain't?

You're the best there was. I know everything about you guys.

My master's thesis was about great outlaws of the 20th century.

Dillinger, Capone, Pretty Boy Floyd.

When I heard you were up for parole,

- I actually asked for your cases. - You did?

- You're the last of your kind. - We are.

- I could tell you a story... - That's in the past.

We're fully rehabilitated now.

That's right.

I thought you might need a lift. That's why I came out here.

Well, that's real nice of you, Mr Evans.

Call me Richie. OK?

OK, Richie.

I'll go get the car. I'll be right back.

- It's a great beginning, Arch. - Jeez, things are looking up already.

Pardon me, gentlemen. Are you Harry Doyle and Archie Long?

- We've got a fan club, Harry. - That's us, friend. Who might you be?

I might be the guy who's been waiting 30 years just to blow your heads off!

Damn it.

Missed them.

Where the hell are they?

- Arch. - OK.

- Archie! - OK!

- Who was that? - I never saw him before.

- We must've done something. - A man holds a grudge for 30 years.

- Must be pretty bad. - I'm not gonna go back and ask.

- I was gonna pick you up. - We thought we'd save you the trip.

- Stop. Thief. Stop. Thief. - What the hell's that?

It's just a car alarm.

You mind if I drive?

- I just bought this car. - Don't worry.

He hasn't had an accident in 30 years. Come on, get in.

Take this. There we are.

All monitored systems are functioning. Please fasten your seat belts.

- Please fasten your seat belts. - I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

Thank you.

You sure are in a hurry.

To start our new lives. We wanna leave the past behind.

Way behind.

Jackrabbit starts are bad for fuel economy.

Fuel economy is maximum at 55 miles per hour.

- How do you shut this broad up? - Thank you.

Harry Doyle and Archie Long.

I thought those guys would be dead by now.

What are you doing, Sergeant?

I was exploring the exciting new world of computer technology.

Then perhaps you wouldn't mind exploring the payroll file.

- Payroll? I thought you said parole. - No.

You have to pay attention if you wanna learn how to do this.

I don't wanna learn how to do this.

But you have to. It's your job.

My job is to catch crooks, lady.

I got a couple of major ones here.

Harold Doyle and Archibald Long? I've never even heard of these guys.

Thirty years ago, they were the best bank robbers in the country.

And I busted them.

Now I'm stuck in this shit job and they're back on the street,

where I ought to be.

Remember how to do this, Arch?

Not without a mask on.

Harry.

They got cameras now.

That's nice. We'll have our pictures taken.

I'd like it all in small bills, please.

Department of Corrections? Were you in prison or something?

- I just finished a 30-year stretch. - Really?

- What were you in for? - Running a red light.

They gave you 30 years for running a light?

Well, I was leaving a bank at the time.

Oh.

This driver's licence has expired, sir.

I'll need to see some current identification.

I don't have anything current.

- How do I know who you are? - I'm telling you, I'm Harry Doyle.

Well, that's very charming, Mr Doyle. Do you have something with a picture?

Yes, I do. This.

That's me with my brand-new Cadillac.

- Paid 2,000 bucks for that car. - Swell.

OK, it's a hold-up!

Everybody down! On the floor!

Move! I said, down!

What's the matter? Don't you speak the language, asshole?

Don't you curse me, boy.

Curse you, pops? I'm gonna blow your head off.

- Stop waving that gun in my face. - Who's gonna make me?

I am!

Let him go!

I said, let him go!

I'll kill you, man!

I was only kidding, grandpa. Let me go.

Grandpa, huh?

- What are you gonna do? - Blow his head off.

You don't wanna do that.

- He was disrespectful. - You just had your suit cleaned.

- You'll get brains all over it. - This punk don't have any brains.

Yeah, but there'll be blood. All red and sticky.

- It'll be messy. - Get him up.

OK.

This guy's in the wrong business.

They don't make crooks like they used to.

Jeez, that was amazing!

I can't believe how you handled these guys.

Just doing what comes naturally.

You're incredible.

How about cashing that cheque, son.

Yes, Mr Doyle.

Furthermore, parolees are forbidden to carry firearms,

to consort with convicted felons, to use narcotic substances

and must report to this office once a week for counselling.

All right, now, for some good news.

I've made some preliminary arrangements.

Archie, I've got a job placement for you.

I got a job already?

It doesn't pay a lot, but it's gonna get you started.

And here's a voucher for one of the welfare hotels in the area.

Welfare?

Well, it's just until you get working. Start drawing an income.

Harry, you have a very nice room at the Golden Sunset Retirement Home.

Retirement?

Yeah, and as soon as you sign that, $435 a month in social security.

But I want to work, too. I've got strong hands and a strong back.

I'm sorry, Harry, but that's just not possible.

See, after 70, retirement is mandatory.

Ronald Reagan's older than him and he's got a job.

- That's true. That's true, but... - I wanna be useful, productive.

I can't sit around no retirement home.

Well, think of it this way.

You're gonna have time to just relax and enjoy life.

Give it a chance, OK?

All right, Richie, if you say so.

It won't be so bad, Harry. I'll be visiting you all the time.

We'll have some laughs. Go to Mickey's for a drink.

Pick up some broads. Huh?

I'm afraid that's not going to be possible either.

- We can't pick up broads? - No, no.

Because of your past relationship,

you won't be allowed to associate.

Look, guys, you're ex-cons.

You can't see each other for three years.

I'm sorry, but those are the rules.

Three years. He's nuts!

They let us associate for 30 years in prison.

Poles never stopped us.

Well, what are we going to do now, Harry?

I think I'll go straight to the home. Like the kid said, relax and enjoy life.

And I guess I'll go straight to the hotel.

Finally get a good night's sleep without hearing you snore.

Me, snore?

Yeah, you snore.

- How come you never said anything? - I didn't wanna hurt your feelings.

You grind your teeth. I'm surprised they're not stumps by now.

I sure won't miss your scratchy old records.

And I can do without your barbells clanking all day.

- So long, Harry. - So long, Arch.

I don't want you playing favourites with these guys. Understand?

I don't care how great you think they are. They're criminals, felons.

- You treat them like any other case. - Yes, sir.

First sign of trouble, you violate them. Send them back to the pen.

- Do you understand? - Yes, sir.

And get rid of the headlines.

This is a probation office, not a shrine.

- Hello, officer. - What are you doing, bud?

I'm waiting for a bird to sing.

I guess you didn't see that sign over there that says "No loitering".

Well, loitering is lingering without a purpose.

I got a purpose.

- You gonna give me trouble, Mac? - No, sir.

Now, move it, before I arrest you and the bird.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Mickey around? - Mickey?

Yeah, the owner.

Well, he's been dead for 20 years.

Mickey's dead?

- What happened? - Well, I wouldn't know.

That's a little before my time.

What can I get for you, sir?

I'll have one of those light beers I heard about.

Mickey's dead.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

Tastes watery.

But it's only 95 calories. Would you like another?

- I'll buy. - Well, that's damn nice of you, pal.

Don't mind if I do.

- Don't you love this music? - Who doesn't?

- Some people think it's out-of-date. - Are you kidding?

I grew up on that music.

- It's great dance music. - Yeah.

I haven't danced in 30 years.

Shall we?

- Shall we what? - Shall we dance?

- Can't believe it. - Can't believe what?

Harry. Thought you were going straight to the home.

I thought you were going straight to your hotel.

I'll buy you a drink.

- You don't wanna go in there. - Yes, I do.

- No, you don't. - A lovers' quarrel.

It breaks my heart.

Turn around, worm food. Start walking.

And don't try anything stupid or you die right here.

And don't let the goggles fool you, buster, I'm a sharpshooter.

All right, turn here. Turn!

What is this, a parade?

- Where are we going, friend? - We're going up this alley, friend.

- And then what? - And then I'm coming out.

Alone.

Come back, you bastards! Let's finish it once and for all!

- Finish it? Finish what? - It stinks down here!

- You sure you don't know him? - I'm up to my knees in guck!

- Could we be losing our memories? - Could be, Harry.

I'm gonna get pneumonia.

Just look at this place.

This used to be the classiest street in the neighbourhood.

Yeah.

Where are you going, gramps?

Excuse me.

I asked you... where you was going, man.

- We're going down this street. - And we don't want any trouble.

So let us pass.

- This street, bro? - Yeah, this street.

The fact is, this happens to be a private street.

It costs a sawbuck to walk down this street.

- A sawbuck? - All right, then we'll go back.

But you don't understand. You're already on the street.

Once you on the street, you gotta pay the tax.

That's right.

You know, Arch, I never met so many stupid people in one day.

Ugly too.

OK, pops, I don't know how old you is,

but you ain't getting any older.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- This ain't a fair fight. - There's six of you.

Only two of us.

And you got knives and we got nothing.

But that's how we win.

When we lived in this neighbourhood, there were rules to street fighting.

- Rules? - Yeah.

Like what kind of rules?

- For one thing, you couldn't do this. - Or this.

But you could do this!

Now, has everyone got the rules straight?

They don't know shit about street fighting.

What's the matter?

Never hurt like this before.

Things have changed.

It don't look so bad, huh, Harry?

At least it ain't got no guard towers and no bars on the doors.

Hey, look. You got a saloon across the street.

Never had anything like that in prison, huh?

Well, it ain't what I expected,

but we have to make the best of things.

That's the spirit. It'll be a new experience.

They never had a guy like you in this place.

You'll be running this joint in a week.

Look at me. I never had an honest job in my life. I'm looking forward to it.

- Sounds real good, Arch. - Sure does.

Well, I guess this is it.

Hey,

it's only for three years, Harry.

We can do that much time standing on our heads.

Sure.

- So long, Arch. - So long, Harry.

Hey, Harry?

You take care of yourself, OK?

You too, Arch.

So they're out. So what?

A problem for the parole system, not the police.

I busted these guys. I know how they think.

- And believe me, they think crime. - Give me a break, Yablonski.

You got a guy here that's 67. The other one's 72.

These guys don't think crime. They think Geritol.

You're wrong, Captain. You're very wrong.

Don't underestimate these guys.

Yablonski, you're in Records now.

You've got a nice, soft job.

You're not a street cop any more.

Put me back on the street. I can nail these guys.

Yablonski, I'm busy.

They won't be committing any more crimes,

so go back to your desk, sit down and stop bothering me with this shit!

They'll go back to crime. I guarantee it!

All they need is a little motivation.

Excuse me.

I understand I can get a room here.

- Got a reservation? - No, I don't.

- Hey, take it easy. - He don't feel nothing.

Well, you're in luck. We just got a vacancy.

Cash, credit card or cheque?

Well, I have this welfare ticket.

Oh, great. Another ex-con.

Don't you guys keep any of the money you steal?

Room 12, top of the stairs.

Twelve. Room 12. You deaf?

Hey, pal.

What makes you think I did time for stealing?

OK, wise guy. What's your claim to fame?

I killed six people with an axe. Just like that one.

Don't worry, doctor says I'm getting much better.

We are eating our lunch today, aren't we, Mr Doyle?

- Are we? - It's spinach souffl�.

It's so nutritious.

Really.

If you don't eat your food, Mr Doyle, I'm gonna be very upset.

We wouldn't want that to happen now, would we?

Tell the cook we don't like this crud. We want real food.

Real food! Real food!

Real food! Real food!

Real food! Real food!

Real food! Real food! Real food!

Real food! Real food! Real food! Real food! Real food!

What'll it be, sport?

- Let me have a strawberry yoghurt. - Coming right up.

No, chocolate.

No, strawberry.

Take your time and make up your mind.

I have made it up.

Well, do you want strawberry or chocolate?

Amaretto.

Hey, that's gelati. I asked you for yoghurt.

Boob.

What's the difference? Looks the same to me.

Gelati's made out of cream. Yoghurt's made out of bacteria culture.

Where have you been? A cave?

That'll be a buck sixty.

- What's the matter? - What about my toppings?

You're supposed to ask me what kind of toppings I want.

- What kind of toppings you want? - Do you have Peanut M&M's?

Hey, I didn't say I wanted M&M's, I just asked if you had any.

- Yeah, we got them. - I don't want them.

Do you have Oreo pieces?

- You want them? - That's why I asked.

And walnuts, too. Not peanuts. Walnuts.

And jellybeans.

No, not M&M's. I hate M&M's. Jellybeans.

And almonds instead of walnuts.

OK.

Forget it. I'll just have it plain.

You still want it?

Of course, what do you think I came in for?

You got it, kid.

We're senior citizens, not school children.

We want real food, not that pig slop you can suck through a straw.

Really.

Well, our dietary programme is no concern of yours, Mr Doyle.

We want steaks, chops, roast beef rare, blood rare.

Don't be ridiculous. Most people out there don't even have teeth.

Oh, really? Well, what do you call these?

Same old Harry Doyle.

You just can't stay out of trouble, can you?

Belle Burgess.

I can't believe my eyes.

I mean, what's a dame like you doing in a joint like this?

- Earning a living. - You work here?

Room and board and $120 a month.

I teach a couple of aerobics classes, tap class, if anyone shows up.

You quit show business.

There's not much call for 60-year-old showgirls.

- I'd hire you in a minute. - Thanks, Harry, you're sweet.

Anyway, it's better than standing

behind the lingerie counter at Penney's.

What are you doing here, Harry?

I live here, unfortunately.

I don't know for how long. Too many rules to suit me.

Since when did that make a difference?

- When did you get out? - Yesterday. Me and Archie.

I'm in Room 321. Come up for a visit.

We could talk about old times.

I'd like that.

Holy mackerel.

Penguin. Stupid job.

Getting fired, me? I ought to quit.

What kind of business is that anyway? Selling bacteria to children.

Can I help you, sir?

- Where's the gym, miss? - This is the gym.

- No, no. I mean the men's gym. - Oh, we're coed now.

Showers, too?

No, not the showers. Are you here to work out?

I don't know. This place looks kind of expensive.

No sweat. First session's free.

- Great. - Come on.

- Want me to help you get it up? - No, thanks.

I can get it up.

I guess I couldn't.

You OK?

Yeah, I haven't been feeling too well lately.

Probably a virus or something.

I guess it took more out of me than I thought.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Anyway, it's nice to have a real man around.

Usually, there's nothing but gays.

- You're not gay, are you? - Gay, are you kidding?

I just lost my job, I'm miserable.

That's funny.

You're a funny guy.

- I'm Skye. Who are you? - Archie Long.

- Pleased to meet you, Skye. - Pleased to meet you, too.

You're in pretty good shape, Archie Long.

Pretty good yourself.

You come here a lot?

I have to. I run the place.

Maybe we should work out together sometime.

Sure. Anytime you say.

- How about tonight? - Fine with me.

I didn't think the gym was open at night.

It isn't, but there are other ways to work up a sweat.

Meet me at The Chainsaw on Spring Street, 10 o'clock, OK?

The Chainsaw? What's that?

- It's a club. - What do you do there?

You dance.

What should I wear?

Just look hot.

Hot.

- Now, who the hell is that? - Harry Doyle.

- Did I ever look that young? - Did I?

You? You haven't changed a bit.

- In fact, you look better now. - Well, that's sweet, Harry.

It's a lie, but it's sweet.

- I can't get over you keeping all this. - Well, I have a thing for old memories.

Perhaps you'd step out with an old memory like me?

Thought you'd never ask.

Can I help you?

Behind you, sir.

- Are you talking to me? - There's nobody else here.

I'm Derek. Can I help you?

Well, I need something to wear.

- I need more information. - Like what?

Colour. Style. Function.

- I got a date. - Male? Female?

- I got a date with a gorgeous broad. - Thank you.

Evening? Morning? Formal? Casual?

Please, be as specific as possible.

Chainsaw, Spring Street, 10 p.m.

She said, "Look hot." How about something in blue?

Blue is cold, sir. Red is hot.

OK, something in red.

We don't carry red, sir.

Our colours are peach, lime, cherry, mocha, almond and avocado.

I don't wanna eat the suit, I just wanna wear it.

One moment, sir.

- Well, Derek, am I hot? - You're practically on fire.

Come in.

My, you look snazzy.

Oh.

Flowers, Harry.

Oh, they're beautiful.

Nobody's given me flowers in years.

Let's get out, paint the town.

We'll start with Serro's. I'll get our old table.

Serro's is gone. It's a comedy club now.

- Well, the Derby, then. - Torn down.

- Romanoff's? Earl Carol's? - Sorry, they're gone, too.

There's gotta be some place left.

- I love your suit, Arch. - Just something I had lying around.

Because of you

There's a song in my heart

Because of you

My romance had its start

Jimmy Lennon. Good old Jimmy.

- Still sounds good, don't you think? - Sounds good to me.

Well, the food ain't bad and the champagne's good.

The company's swell. The best things never change.

Cin cin.

- How about a dance? - Love to.

What's the name of that band?

The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

- You like them? - Yeah, I got all their albums.

It's paradise to be near you

Like this

Remember the last time we danced together?

Yes, I do.

July 4, 1955, on Mickey Cohen's yacht.

You wore a blue dress.

You were the prettiest girl in the bunch.

I didn't think you'd remember.

Hardly a day in the last 30 years I haven't thought of that weekend.

Really.

Hey, watch it.

Hey, I said, watch it.

That's cool, man. Come on, slam me.

Slam me!

You know, dancing's more fun than I remember.

Smoking!

How am I doing?

Set it straight forever Better late than never

What music!

And the dancing.

It's more like boxing!

I gotta tell Harry about this.

- You really miss him, don't you? - Who?

That guy you were just talking about, Harry.

No, are you kidding? I'm having a ball.

What's those things we were drinking anyway?

Those were kamikazes.

They ought to put more booze in them.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm the man. I'm supposed to do that.

You have to save your strength. It's going to be a long night.

Yeah.

- What you got there? - Carrot juice.

Carrot juice?

I used to have a Scotch after we made love, remember?

- Scotch is poison, Harry. - Oh, not to me it ain't.

- I'll bet you still eat red meat. - Yep.

- Dairy products? - Sometimes.

- Well, I eat nothing but roughage. - Roughage?

It's like Drano. Keeps the pipes clear.

Have some.

No, thanks. I don't want no Drano. I want Scotch.

I take 20 vitamin and mineral supplements a day.

- Really? - Aerobics five times a week.

Staying young is a serious business, Harry.

You know, Belle,

I'm beginning to think that old is a dirty word.

- Well, nobody likes being old. - I don't mind.

Mr Doyle, it is well past lights.

What's going on in here?

Nothing.

At the moment.

Disgusting.

Harry, you're not gonna believe this.

I met a girl. She can't keep her hands off me.

- How much did you pay her? - I didn't have to pay her.

She's crazy about me. All she wants to do is make love.

Archie.

Hello?

I gotta go, Harry. Something just came up.

I got a call from Gladys Ripps at the home today, Harry.

She said you were being a disruptive influence.

She said that you refused to eat your lunch

and that you made love to a woman.

Is that right, Harry?

You make love to women, don't you, Richie?

Well, yeah, sure.

How come when you do it, you're a stud,

and when I do it, I'm a disruptive influence?

Because I'm 28, Harry.

Look, I understand how you feel.

Most people don't.

And if you want to fit into society,

you have to behave in a way that is accepted.

Isn't that what we all want, Harry?

To be accepted?

I'm 72. I can still make love to a woman if I like her.

I like this lady very much.

Are you suggesting I stop being a man just so I can fit in?

Is that what you mean?

- I just wished you'd come to me first. - I offered to wash the kid's face.

Give him a free agoodi, or whatever you call it.

You have to control your temper.

You can't shove yoghurt in everybody's face.

Arch?

Richie, darling!

How marvellous to see you!

- Hi, Sandy. - And you must be Archie.

Richie's told me all about you.

- Enchant�e. - Likewise.

Well, I've gotta run, so I'll leave you two to work out the details.

- Good luck, Arch. - Thanks, Richie.

Ciao, darling. Call, we'll do something soon.

Sandy, I really appreciate...

Can it, Long.

Let's get one thing straight.

My father was a cop. I don't like ex-cons.

The only reason I let you in here is because I owe Richie.

If I catch you with your fingers anywhere near the cash register,

I'll cut your balls off.

- You got it? - Yes, ma'am.

Why don't you grab a mop. The toilet's backed up again.

Archie.

I'm waiting.

Again?

What does she think, I'm 18?

OK, mister, let's go.

- Hey, what are you doing? - Helping you.

- I don't need help. - It's my job.

Oh, wait a minute, son.

If you don't let go, I'll break your arm.

I'm just doing a good deed, old fart.

Come on, huh?

Goddamn tunnel of love.

Don't you worry, Vinnie. A deal is a deal.

Leon B Little never quits.

There are 26 stiffs out there who swear to that.

Oh, daylight.

All right, you chicken livers.

If you're out there, you can kiss your future goodbye.

Hey, Michael Jackson.

Did you see two elderly gentlemen pass this way recently?

Holy shit! Another one!

What is it, my smell or something?

Hey, pissant! You forgot your jukebox!

I hate noise pollution.

How's it going, Archibald?

Well, well. If it ain't Deke Yablonski.

Glad to see you kept in good shape.

The great Archie Long working as a busboy.

- It's a temporary job. - Of course it is.

They'll move you up to dishwasher before you know it.

Get lost, Yablonski. I'm busy.

Of course, you've probably got lots of dirty dishes to scrape.

Ketchup bottles to fill, napkins to fold.

I wouldn't want to keep you from such important work.

I'm proud of you, Arch.

Long. Hurry up. Table five needs clearing.

Hey, can I get a steak knife over here?

Steak knife, right away.

Excuse me, I could use some water.

- H2O, if it's not too much trouble. - Coming right up.

Yo, pops, how about that bread we ordered about 20 minutes ago, huh?

- I'll get it. - Right.

Where'd they dig this guy up?

Have you cleared table five yet? I got people waiting.

- I was getting to it. - Well, move it.

This is not a rest home. You've got a job to do.

Yes, ma'am.

- Here's your bread. - It's about...

H2O, madame.

Here's your steak knife, sir.

Clearing table number five.

Anybody else want anything?

We are going to explore ways to get more enjoyment from sex.

We are going to look at masturbation, intercourse, fantasy.

We'll talk about orgasm.

Examine some problems in therapy sessions.

And we'll have fun

because sex is a celebration of life, of joy, of the body, and I...

OK, boys and girls, the party's over.

It's way past your bedtimes.

Now let's go. Come on. Here we go. To the rooms.

Brush those teeth. Let's rock 'n' roll, Gert.

Let's do it.

Lights out at 10, gang.

You got a problem with that, Mr Doyle?

- You're not dressed. - Yeah.

- Come on. We're gonna be late. - You go ahead without me.

But you gotta come.

- You're the life of the party. - Not tonight.

What happened to your hair?

- You all right? - Sure.

- Is there anything I can do? - No, no. I'm just tired, that's all.

You go ahead. Have a good time. You look terrific.

I'll be fine.

You sure?

Sure, I'm sure.

Archie.

Are you gonna be here when I get back?

I don't think so.

Why?

Look, Skye, you're a swell kid,

but I gotta start acting my age.

I understand.

We did have a good time, though, didn't we?

I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Hey, if you change your mind,

you know where to find me, huh?

Chainsaw.

Right.

This weekend marks the end of an era as the G|old Coast Flyer,

pride of the Southern Pacific Railroad,

makes its final journey into the pages of history.

For those of us more familiar with air travel,

the G|old Coast Flyer may not seem like much.

But for those who remember a more relaxed time,

a ride on the Flyer was something special.

Hey, don't turn that off. That's the Gold Coast Flyer.

- Me and Archie robbed that train. - Sure you did, pal.

Goddamn it, we did. July 23, 1955. That's the day.

That's the last time anybody robbed a train in this country.

- Take it easy, old-timer, I believe you. - Old-timer, huh?

I'll show you who's old. Come on. Arm-wrestle me.

Relax, you're gonna have a heart attack.

- Come on. Come on. I dare you. - Mind if I try?

Well, I'm a son of a bitch.

If it ain't another son of a bitch.

Deke Yablonski. We thought you was dead.

You're looking pretty good, though. I see you're eating good.

You still patrolling, are you?

No, when I busted you two bums, I made sergeant.

Sergeant. Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

Hey, give us another one of them dirty glasses for this guy.

- He's a bigtime sergeant now. - I don't wanna drink with you, Doyle.

- Besides, I'm on duty. - On duty?

What the hell does that mean?

You thinking of busting us again, is that it?

Don't make me laugh.

I know your kind, Doyle. Once a thief, always a thief.

Sooner or later, you'll make your move,

and I'm gonna be all over you like flies on a turd.

Still talking shit, ain't you, Yablonski?

Why don't you be a nice fellow and get the hell out of here, you fat slob.

Now you're real tough, Doyle. You scare me.

Maybe you'd like to take a sock at me.

Is that it?

- That it, Doyle? - Don't do that.

Maybe you ain't got the guts without your fag friend around.

All right, Yablonski, that does it.

Come on, old man. I'm waiting.

Lights out, fatso.

Ah, Yablonski.

I'll show you who's old, you dirty, fat slob.

Let's go home, Harry.

How you feeling?

Lousy.

I guess I ain't got the stomach for booze any more.

So this is it, huh?

- Nice. - It stinks.

What happened last night?

How'd I get home?

You walked home, I guess. I just came in a few minutes ago.

What the hell are you doing here? I thought you was working.

- I quit. - You quit?

Couldn't take it any more.

Being treated like dirt ever since I got out of jail.

Sweeping out toilets, scraping crud off dishes,

my girlfriend trying to kill me with sex

and I'm dressing like Bozo the Clown just to fit in.

I don't wanna fit in any more.

That makes two of us.

Listen, Harry,

let's go back to doing something we really like doing.

You mean like robbing and stealing?

We could put the gang back together.

Just like the old days.

Come on.

Want to start with the bank that cashed our cheques?

Anything you say, Harry.

- Two for lunch? - No, ma'am.

I'm looking for Jimmy Ellis. He around?

His booth's over there.

- Harry Doyle. - Hello, Jimmy.

Archie Long.

Son of a gun.

- Jeez, how long's it been? - Too long.

- What? - Too long, Jimmy.

You guys know my bodyguard, Vince?

So is this business or pleasure or what?

Business.

Vince, blow.

Sit down.

You want lunch?

- They make a decent club. - No, no.

- We're looking for the guys. - Huh?

- We're looking for the guys. - Which guys?

I know lots of guys.

Three Finger Brown, Malt Donovan and Philly the Mouse.

- That's right. - Oh, you wanna get a-hold of the gang.

What you got, a stick-up? Hey, you need pieces?

No, no. We just need the gang.

- Oh. Hey, Vince! - What?

- Where's Philly? - Pennsylvania.

No, no, Philly the Mouse.

Harry and Archie need him for a stick-up.

He's in the bar.

Thanks, Jimmy.

Well, I'll be.

Harry Doyle and Archie Long.

- When did you get out? - Week ago.

- Did you crash out? - Paroled.

Nice.

How would you like to go back to work?

Would I? Gee, would I ever.

- What's the score? - Bank.

Nice.

- You guys been inside? - Yep.

- Give me numbers. - Plenty. For everybody.

Nice.

- How we going in? - Heavy.

We figure three minutes.

We take the cash drawers. Harry takes the vault.

Nice.

- Who's the wheelman? - Gotta be Eddie Masanti.

- The best. - He's got arthritis.

- Dick Schultz is much better. - Kraut?

- Yeah. - But we heard he was on the lam.

- Yeah. - No, I just talked to him today.

He's got a room at the Piedmont Hotel.

Here we go, Philly.

- OK. - There we go, baby.

Thank you, toots.

Hold it, toots.

Guys, that deal we were discussing.

Nice.

Mr Evans?

Yes, can I help you?

I hope so.

- Where are they? - Where are who?

Harry Doyle and Archie Long. Who do you think, puke-head?

- I don't know who you're talking about. - Don't give me crap.

You're their parole officer. Now, where are they?

I can't tell you that. It's privileged information.

- Privileged? - Yes.

What do you wanna know for?

Because I'm gonna make dog meat out of them, that's why.

Now, where are they?

You can kill me if you want, but I'm not gonna talk.

Harry and Archie are my friends.

You'll never make it, dip-shit.

Sit.

You put Harry into a retirement home? Ain't you got respect for the bastard?

- I'm not the one trying to kill him. - You're not, huh?

The only difference between you and me is that my way is quicker.

Get your coat on. We're getting out of here.

- Yeah. - Ruggs?

- Who wants to know? - Harry Doyle and Archie Long.

Open up.

Yeah, sure, just a second.

Hi, Kraut.

- Get them up. - Get them up.

- Up, I said. - Get them up.

Relax, Vito.

- You coppers finally tracked me down. - Coppers?

- It's me, Harry, and Archie. - Don't you remember us?

What do you take me for, a mug? They're dead.

You cops are so dumb, it's almost a crime to kill you.

Turn around.

- I said, turn around. - Screw you.

- Turn around. - Screw you, too.

What?

Harry Doyle and Archie Long don't take it in the back.

Have it your own way, tough guys.

You guys.

The look on your faces. You should have seen it.

Pow, it says, pow.

Spelled backwards, wop.

1 Adam 27, please respond.

1 Adam 27.

This is Jarvis. What the hell are you doing?

Eating lunch, sir.

Bullshit, Yablonski, I know what you're doing.

If you're not back in 10 minutes, you're eating your retirement dinner tonight.

Yes, sir.

Son of a bitch.

Cripples, crazies. What the hell happened?

Everybody got old all of a sudden.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

It's afternoon, tussle neck.

- You're hurting my arm. - So what?

All right, move.

210. Open this door.

Hey, Jane Fonda.

- Where's Harry Doyle? - Who are you?

I'm his parole officer.

- I'm his parole off... - Shut up.

- I warn you, I know karate. - I warn you, I know Winchester.

Things ain't working out too good, Harry.

Can't rob a bank without a gang.

- We'll try something else. - Yeah, like what?

- Harry. - Now, wait a minute, Archie.

- We never robbed an armoured truck. - It's like a bank, only it's got wheels.

- Yeah, but the tellers have guns. - So what?

I'll kick the guard in the nuts, you knock him over the head.

Piece of cake.

Let's go.

Archie, Archie. Hang on a second.

Hold it.

- That's the dumbest idea I ever heard. - No, it ain't.

- Yes, it is. I ain't gonna do it. - I'll do it alone, then.

Put that away.

- You'll get your damn head blown off. - You got a better idea?

I'm listening.

All right, follow my lead. And don't kick nobody in the nuts.

Anything you say, Harry.

- I don't feel so good, Arch. - What's the matter?

- There's a pain in my chest. - Serious?

- I can't breathe. - Harry, don't die on me.

Somebody, help me.

My buddy's dying of a heart attack.

- I ain't a doctor. - You gotta do something.

- What do you want me to do? - Start by giving him your gun.

Tell the driver to open up.

- He won't until Pete comes... - Tell him you got a heart attack victim.

An old man, dying.

And you said we couldn't do it, huh?

Together we can do anything.

I'm not too proud to admit it was your idea.

Or too modest to remind you it was my plan.

Anything you say, Harry.

Hey, how about a little travelling music.

- Shall we dance? - Why not.

A roll of quarters.

Believe it, Harry? One lousy roll of quarters.

I got more than that out of the newspaper stands.

Let's face it, Arch. We blew it.

No, we didn't. We stole the truck, didn't we?

- We swiped an empty truck. - So, how are we supposed to know?

- 30 years ago, we'd have known. - This is just a dry run.

- Next time, we'll know better. - There ain't gonna be no next time.

Are you saying we quit? We just got started.

We're kidding ourselves, Arch.

Why don't we just forget about it and go home.

Pretend it never happened.

Here's more on that armoured truck robbery in downtown this afternoon.

They're talking about us.

According to the truck guards,

the two bandits acted with such speed and agility,

police now believe they were young men disguised as senior citizens.

Disguised? We didn't wear no disguises.

However, despite their agility, the bandits came up empty-handed

because they stole an empty truck.

Better luck next time, guys.

- They're laughing at us. - Back to the show.

- Who cares? - I care.

All right, Archie, what do you want us to do?

Steal another empty armoured truck? Maybe start a collection?

No, we gotta do something really big.

- Like what? - Something they won't laugh at.

Tell me.

We should take down the Flyer.

- Take down the Flyer? - That's right.

That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard.

That's what you said about the truck.

The armoured truck was dumb. This is stupid.

There ain't nothing to steal.

- Steal the train and ride to Mexico. - What for?

To prove we can do it. It's the only time we failed.

No, we're not gonna do it. So forget it.

I'm sick of you telling me what I can do and what I can't.

Archie, the Gold Coast Flyer ain't no armoured truck.

It's a 70-ton train going 100 miles an hour.

That didn't stop us last time.

Last time we were 30 years younger.

We're 30 years smarter. We won't make the same mistakes.

That's right because we ain't gonna do it.

And one, and two, and three, and four.

- Now stretch, and two, and three... - Shut up.

How the hell anyone can live in a rat hole like this,

- I'd kill myself in an hour. - You've been here 45 minutes.

- You didn't have to hit him. - That's right. I should have shot him.

Get him up. We're getting out.

Move!

- Where are we going? - Disneyland. Out. Out.

- Howard, call the police. - What's going on?

There's a maniac upstairs with a gun. Call the police!

- I'm a cop. Where is he? - He's upstairs, officer.

He's in Room 210. He's right up there.

- I think you're scared, Harry. - Damn right I'm scared.

If you had brains, which you don't, you'd be scared, too.

I never thought I'd see the great Harry Doyle turn into a gutless wimp.

Keep it up, Arch. I'll put another hole in that chin of yours.

Before or after you take your nap, grandpa?

All right, Archie, that does it. Now put them up.

Now hold it. Wait a minute, Harry.

- Walk over there. - Put them up.

- Harry! - Harry!

Damn!

That hurt!

You're not supposed to hit a man with glasses, goddamn it.

- You guys OK? - Yeah.

The cops. Let's go.

- Call the police! - I did.

- Call the police! - Goddamn it, lady.

I am the police!

That's my goddamn car.

- Are you all right? - I'm fine.

There's a lunatic loose in there.

Assholes.

- Who was that guy? - I don't know, but he don't like us.

- I tried to stop him, but he had a gun. - You did fine.

You're a stand-up guy. We're proud of you.

- We make a pretty good team. - We make a great team, Richie.

It's nice to have someone around who's got guts.

- Where'd you guys get this car? - We swiped it.

- You swiped it? - Yeah.

- As in stole it? - That's our job. We steal things.

Don't we, Harry?

I can't believe you guys stole an armoured truck.

It was empty, if that makes you feel better.

It's all my fault.

This would have never happened if I'd been a better officer.

It's not your fault, Richie. You're the best PO we ever had.

I failed.

See what you're doing if you steal that train?

Don't you think you've caused enough trouble?

What are you talking about? Steal what train?

The Gold Coast Flyer, kid. Just like the old days.

You can't be serious.

And he's going to get caught just like the old days.

- You're gonna rob a train by yourself? - No, no. Not by myself.

I'm getting a new partner.

- You. - Me?

Sure. A cinch for a couple of young guys like us.

Think of it.

Archie Long and Richie Evans on the cover of "People Magazine".

We'd be a goddamn movie of the week.

- Does he mean it? - He means it.

Damn right I mean it.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I couldn't do that.

I'm a criminologist. I'm not a criminal.

See, no one wants to have anything to do with your moronic schemes.

Moronic.

That did it, Harry. I've taken your shit for 40 years. I've had it.

Fine with me.

I was getting tired of carrying you anyway.

Carrying me?

If it wasn't for me, you'd still be sitting around planning to rob something,

sometime, maybe if it wasn't too dangerous.

Go ahead, tough guy. See how far you get without me.

You bet I will.

- And I ain't going to your funeral. - You ain't invited.

He's not really gonna go through with it.

Will he?

Once a thief, always a thief.

Broad daylight.

The engineer can see for 200 yards.

He's gotta stop.

He's gotta be blind not to see this car.

Maybe I should have brought the truck.

Piece of cake.

What's the trouble, officer?

Your train's being robbed.

You're crazy. Nobody robs trains any more.

I'd say you've been misinformed.

What took you so long?

We gonna waste time gabbing or are we gonna rob a train?

Anything you say, Harry.

I'm sure we'll be underway momentarily.

Go forward and ask the engineer why we've stopped.

Looks like I don't have to.

Afternoon, gentlemen. Ladies.

- My name is Harry Doyle. - I'm Archie Long.

- What do you want? - We're taking this train.

Now, you reporters get them names straight.

Doyle, Long.

He's 72. I'm 67 and these ain't disguises.

Could you please take pictures? We ain't modest. Right, Harry?

Right, Arch.

This is nuts. It's 1986. Nobody robs trains any more.

Well, somebody did.

And I know who.

Oh, really, Yablonski. And who might that be?

Same guys that robbed it 30 years ago, sir.

And they'll get another 30 years this time.

- What? - It just came over the radio.

Your two heroes have just hijacked another train.

Oh, no.

First sign of trouble I said send them back to the pen.

They're good guys. They just got off to a bad start.

Come on, Evans.

They came out of prison, and all we did was give them rules.

That's the system.

No, no. We treated them like children.

We told them where to live, who to see, how to behave.

That's how the system works.

Well, then, the system sucks.

Gentlemen, can you tell us why you're robbing this train?

- It isn't carrying anything of any value. - You're wrong, son.

- It's carrying memories. - Yeah.

That's why we're taking the whole damn thing.

Nobody's taking nothing nowhere. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Lose the iron, shitheads.

Lose it! Come on. Come on.

You're gonna get a reward.

Zip the lip, dog breath.

- Who the hell are you anyway? - I'm Peter Pan.

I've come to take you to Never Neverland, OK?

- But you won't be coming back. - Why do you wanna kill us?

- I'm Leon B Little. - So?

Leon B Little! Don't the name mean nothing to you?

No.

Do you at least know Vinnie Mintelman?

- Yeah. - Thank God they know somebody.

Vinnie gave me 25 big ones to snuff you guys.

- Vinnie's been dead since 1956. - Yeah?

And we've been in prison since 1956.

So I've been waiting since 1956 for you two guys to get out, OK?

30 years?

When Leon B Little takes a job, he sees it through.

That's my reputation. I'm very proud of it.

There's a whole goddamn army out there.

All right, everybody face the windows. Move!

What the hell you waiting for? An engraved invitation? Move!

- Let's see them shoot through that. - There ain't gonna be no killing.

Harry Doyle and Archie Long never killed nobody.

- You reporters take note of that. - Well, I did, 26 guys.

Take note of that.

Killing them ain't gonna do us any good. There's cops out there.

Why don't we make a truce. Start working together.

Yeah, you can kill us later.

OK. But when this is over, you guys are dead meat.

- You got a deal. - Right.

Harry Doyle and Archie Long. This is Yablonski.

- Hold your fire, I'm coming aboard. - Kiss my ass, Yablonski!

- Who's Yablonski? - How'd that bum get here?

- He's got a good memory. - Who's Yablonski?

- Should we let him aboard? - Why not? See what he has to say.

Who's Yablonski?

Just keep looking out those windows.

That's it. That's it. Damn it.

He's clean.

It's gonna be a habit with us. You rob a train and I arrest you.

You ain't arrested us yet, Deke.

There's 50 cops out there.

- Is that all you brought? - You can't get away.

You try and they'll cut you to pieces.

I sure as hell don't feel like going back to jail.

Surrender's for wimps. I vote we die.

This guy's nuts.

Did I hear a whisper?

Sorry, Deke. This time you don't take us without a fight.

- You know what that means? - We know exactly what that means.

You can take these people off the train.

We don't want your cops killing innocent bystanders by mistake.

Hold your fire. The passengers are coming out. Hold your fire.

Step lively, damn it.

Come on. Move. Move.

I'm gonna get a hundred of those coppers.

There's only 50, Leon.

So I'll shoot them all twice.

I'm giving you one chance. Come out now and nobody gets hurt.

Wait a minute, where are you going?

Who the hell is driving this train?

Not my car.

Come on, you guys.

No.

Top of the world, Ma!

- Arch. - I wanna throw a little scare into them.

Come on!

Where were you 30 years ago?

- Hold the fort, Leon. - What fort?

- What's that? - Souvenir.

Damn, they think they're happy cowboys?

What is this, the gunfight at the OK Corral?

Hold it. Hold it.

- Take me up. - There isn't room.

There is now.

Richie, what are you doing here?

- I'm part of the team, aren't I? - You sure are.

I'm proud of you. Look at this. The Gold Coast Flyer in gold.

Look out!

Take it easy.

- I got him, I got him. - It's OK. He's one of us now.

Temporarily, temporarily.

Give me back my gun or I'll jam it up your ass.

We have an update on the final run of the Gold Coast Flyer.

The train was stopped, boarded and then hijacked by two armed men.

The bandits identified themselves as Archie Long and Harry Doyle...

... the same men who robbed this train 30 years ago.

Give them hell, Harry.

- How do I talk to these bums? - Put your headset on.

Try at 44-49.

Doyle, Long, this is Yablonski. You read me?

We hear you, Deke.

This is stupid. You can't get away. You got no place to run.

We're running to Mexico.

Tell him to open the switches or we'll wreck the goddamn train.

Open the switches or we'll wreck the goddamn train.

Let's wreck the goddamn train anyway.

For chrissakes, the track don't go to Mexico.

Guys, he's right. They end right here.

Super, you go up there in the tower. James, you come over here with me.

We didn't come this far to be stopped by a technicality.

That's right, Harry. Nothing can stop us.

We have to get rid of some weight.

You'll never cross alive!

Did you see that guy there? Arrest him. Arrest him.

It ain't over, you bastards!

I'm gonna get you two guys even if it takes another 30 years!

I don't think that helped a lot.

But it sure was fun doing it.

Take Richie back and uncouple the rest of the cars.

We don't need no extra baggage.

Come on, Richie.

- Jump. - Jump?

Jump.

- What do you want me to do now? - Just watch me.

Give me a hand.

Remember, you're a criminologist. Not a criminal.

If they give you trouble, tell them we kidnapped you.

So long, tough guy!

There's one guy left behind. Who's that guy in a SWAT uniform?

Hey, fatso.

What the...?

Nobody fire until I give the command.

Looks like we got a welcoming committee.

Let's get ready to greet them.

Hang on.

What are they doing?

- They're gonna go for it. - On my command, commence firing.

They're gonna go for it.

We've been working on the railroad All the livelong day

We've been working on the railroad Just to pass the time away

- Go for it, guys! - Fire.

Holy shit. They're not stopping. Get out!

Son of a bitch! They made it! Did you see that? Did you see that?

OK, kid, take me home.

What a ride.

I'm afraid we wrecked their train.

They weren't gonna use it any more, anyway.

Here we go again.

Put up your hands.

I'm afraid you're under arrest.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- This ain't fair. - No?

- There's 12 of you and just two of us. - Si.

And you got guns, and we got nothing.

But this is how we put you under arrest, senor.

Where we come from, they got rules about making arrests.

- Rules? - Si.

What kind of rules?

Well, for one thing.