Original subtitles

Previously on The Kardashians...

Wow.

Being busy and working is my happy place.

Has Kim Kardashian slowed down? No.

I have a new agent, but I have to prove myself.

This is the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Kourtney has Covid.

I'm now, like, mostly on bed rest.

She's a high-risk pregnancy. This is really crazy.

I have to go pack for Paris. Are you gonna come?

- I don't know. - Oh, come on.

Here's to an amazing trip to Paris.

Khloé's not coming. I'm not in the mood to deal.

I know I'm insane.

Welcome to my mind.

Tonight is our last night in Paris.

This is so pretty.

And then tomorrow, we watch Kendall walk in the L'Oréal show.

- Bonjour, Madame. - Hi, hi.

And then it's back to Calabasas,

where we're gonna celebrate Kim in American Horror Story.

- Let me guide you to your table. - Thank you.

It's so gorgeous.

- It's so pretty. - Yeah. It's pretty.

Why do I feel like I'm on an episode of The Bachelorette?

I love being in Paris with Corey

because Corey and I started dating in Paris.

So, he always plans a really special night for us while we're here.

- We have the moon, the full moon. - Yeah.

And we have the glittering Eiffel Tower.

- Yeah. - And we have us without kids.

- Without kids. - Congratulations.

We made it through another Paris Fashion Week, babe.

I used to say to Corey all the time when I first started dating him, like,

"Why do you wanna date somebody older than you?"

I didn't get the age gap.

And then he taught me that age is just a number.

It's a big number,

but it's a number.

I'm gonna try this little goodie.

You can bite first and let me know how it tastes.

Listen, I can't explain someone's chemistry,

or why people fall in love,

but it's been an amazing almost 10 years,

and we have a great time.

I miss Khloé.

- Truth. - I wish she was here.

I know. She should've come.

She just makes life really fabulous.

Who doesn't answer the phone

from a girl who's calling from a Eiffel Tower shot?

Listen, you little brat.

Maybe Kendall.

You give birth to people,

you expect a little respect in return.

Did I mention that children were overrated?

All I wanna do is share some of this

with my kids since we're in the same city, a lot of us.

Now we're trying Kim.

And I'm drunk-dialing people.

Is this a joke? Am I being pranked?

Really, kids? Not one of you can pick up the phone?

Okay. I'll remember that.

- Okay, I'm gonna... - You can call Kourtney.

She's, like, a romantic person,

- so she'd probably like a Paris call. - Oh.

She ain't doin' nothin' but pregnant.

- Hey, Mom. - Look at the background!

That's so pretty. Look, babe.

Hi, Trav.

- Hi. How are you? - Hi. It's me and Corey.

What's up, y'all?

We're having a, a little romantic d...

Oh! There's... Okay, wait,

you're getting upstaged for... Don't go anywhere.

Oh, never mind. We'll call that one back.

I knew to call y'all because

y'all the most romantic people in the world,

so I knew a Paris phone call to y'all would hit.

Exactly, and you knew she was about to hang up with me for Kim

- and Corey was like... - No, Kendall.

- For Kendall. - Oh, Kendall.

Yeah, who's actually down the street,

and wouldn't answer our call.

We were just calling. We know... We're on baby watch.

That's what we're dedicating our lives to.

You'll be good. Uh, Travis leaves in about 30 minutes to go to Spain.

- Whoa, really? - Long flight.

Not too far... How long will you be gone?

- Sixteen days. - Okay.

- Oh, good. - Okay.

Enjoy your last moments together before he goes to the airport.

- We didn't mean to interrupt the lovers. - No.

- Thank you. We love you guys. - Thank you.

- We love you. - Alright, peace.

Okay, who else can we call?

I feel like we're prank c-call... doing prank phone calls.

Oh, here's Khloé!

Hurry. Look at the Eiffel Tower! It's going off!

Oh, it's beautiful. And so glittery.

Well, we miss you.

We just wanted to tell you, you were very, very missed.

Wait 'til I tell you the stories.

I just couldn't make it shake this time.

I get it.

I'm actually really disappointed

because I had so many fun things planned for her and I.

She's my partner in crime.

Kim is busy with everything else she's doing,

and I was really looking forward to hanging out with Khloé this week.

Where are you?

I'm outside. We're doing Halloween decorations.

Oh, how fun! That's so cute!

Okay, I gotta get ready for school pickup.

We love you. We wish you were here.

Right now, she's really happy focusing on her kids,

getting to bed early, working out, taking care of herself,

so there's gotta be a reason she's staying home.

And so, we're just gonna let that ride.

- I love you. - Love you too, bye.

- Bye. - Bye-bye.

Alright, so, we have a couple things left,

and then we have the L'Oréal show.

- So, I'm so excited. - Which is back over there.

Yeah, it's so good.

'Kay, kiss.

Hey, this is The Bachelor kiss. Okay, hurry.

Better kiss... Bachelor kiss.

- ♪ I'm gonna start livin' ♪ - Paris is always a good idea.

Paris is always a good idea.

- Cheers. Love you. - Love you.

♪ Nothin' but the best for me ♪

♪ Nothin' but the best is good enough for me ♪

♪ Nothin' but the best, best for me ♪

♪ Nothin' but the best is good enough for me ♪

- Hey, Khloé. - Hi, wow.

I didn't know what I was getting

invited over for; I thought I was coming to hang out with you in bed.

- We can do it all. - Yay.

I am finally Covid free,

and now I just feel really good and amazing.

Nothing can phase me.

Okay, well, I did bring Twister

'cause I thought we were in bed together.

- That's what I thought... - Wait, you know I'm not allowed

- to twist my body. - You brought Twister?

I thought it could be fun, or we could do a puzzle.

- Wait, I love puzzles. - I know!

I thought we were hanging out in bed.

- I didn't know you were, like, mobile. - We're leaving. No, we're leaving.

No, but if you can go downstairs, being in bed.

I'm pretty much on bed rest.

The third trimester, I just haven't been able to travel,

but I've been having lots of visitors.

I miss going to my kids' activities and things like that,

but I know that it's all for a good reason.

What did you pack in your hospital bag?

Tell me if you have anything to add.

"Cozy blanket. A nursing pillow."

I definitely did not bring a nursing pillow.

"Outfit for baby to come home in." Yes.

And then I had to bring my cord blood box or whatever.

Yeah, it's like an ice box to send off the placenta

and make into the capsules.

I am so incredibly happy for Kourt and Trav.

I think we're all just excited to meet him,

and welcome him to this wild, crazy, amazing family.

- Oh, like a Beats pill thingy, speaker? - Mm.

Let's give Travis something to do.

- 'Kay. - "Playlist and speaker."

- Can I look at that book? - Yeah.

So, I'm gonna go back to the beginning,

and, like, fill stuff in.

This is amazing.

Thank you.

I mean, I'm not a scrapbooker.

I've never done this before until doing it for this gift for my husband.

Kourt, this is wild.

Taking the time to really create something

that's, like, telling a story, I think is really special.

Why didn't you go to Paris?

I just didn't feel like it was the place for me.

I was just getting anxious leaving the kids.

Tristan's gone, and it's hard for me to leave them,

and I don't have, like, a parent to stay with them.

And then I was thinking, the whole family was out of the country,

and I was like, "What if there's an earthquake?

What if there's something? There's no parent."

- I just was freakin' myself out. - Um, wait, where did Tristan go?

To Cleveland.

- For what? - To play basketball.

Oh, he plays on that team?

- Mm-hmm. - The Cleveland team?

- Mm-hmm, he's back there. - Whoa. Since when?

- This year. - I thought he played on the Lakers?

- He-He went back to the Cavs. - Wow.

How do you feel that he's gone?

I'm fine. It's just he's a big help when he's here.

- Mm-hmm. - And, you know, I don't have

nannies at night, which I might have to change,

or at least have, like, someone be available sometimes.

So, you have no one that lives in right now?

- Mm-mm. And I'm just so hands-on... - They're at school half the time,

- but not Tatum. - I know, but I make all of her lunches,

I make her break... Like, I do everything.

- Yeah. - And no one...

I don't let anyone else do it. Tristan has done it.

But I'm so particular.

Like, oh, my gosh, I can't even think about that.

Listen, I love my routine.

I love being with my kids, but being a parent is hard.

And it's every day after 8:30 when True's asleep,

I am, like, crawling like I'm Leonardo DiCaprio out of

Wolf of Wall Street to my bed. Like, how do I get there?

Then you wake up again, and you do it all over.

I make the lunches and I started with

the cookie-cutter hearts for the watermelon.

Like, once you start the cute shit that you're so excited to do,

God forbid you don't.

But it's ama... Like, at the same time, it's, like, all you want.

It's the weirdest thing.

'Cause you're exhausted, and you're like, "I'm-I'm gonna die."

And then, literally, when they're asleep by 10:00, I'm like, "I miss them."

Like, get it together, Khloé. Snap out of it.

Did you see my blood vial in there?

What?

No.

'Cause you didn't keep goin'.

Gotta see the blood.

- It's a real thing of blood? - Yeah.

- For real? No. - Yeah.

But what was the point to get it from the first time?

Just to, like, have each other's.

To wanna show off your blood vials is also like,

"Alright, if that's what you're into," but...

it's very, like, Billy Bob Thornton of them.

In, like, my every minute of the day,

do I wanna be, like, harnessing a tube of blood?

Not for me, but that's what makes the world go 'round.

We're all different.

Wow. Rock on with your bad self.

♪ Feel the adrenalin, it's takin' control ♪

We're off to see Kendall walk in the L'Oréal show tonight.

♪ We locked and loaded ♪

- ♪ And we're ready to roll ♪ - So chic.

So, this is a big night for Kendall

because now she's part of the L'Oréal team.

Alright, guys, let's go see Kendall.

♪ We got that wild side ♪

Just a little buzz over to watch our Kenny.

Kendall being chosen as the new face of L'Oréal is such a big deal.

Look at the Eiffel Tower.

And there's nobody better for this campaign,

and I'm so excited for this huge production.

♪ We got that wild side ♪

♪ We got that wild side ♪

I just wanted to tell you welcome,

- and I hope you feel... - Thank you.

- so much love tonight. - Thank you.

And positive energy, and that you have a blast.

Thank you. You too.

- Thank you so much. - Okay, you're welcome.

Tonight is the L'Oréal Paris Show. I am super excited. I feel really good.

Oh, my God! Stop. Thank you.

- I'm so happy. - Whatever you need.

Thank you.

I want to work with brands that I resonate with,

that I feel like I connect on what their goal or their motive is.

So, working with L'Oréal, like, fits in kind of perfectly,

and what they stand for is really powerful.

Mom, you're here so timely and on... You're early.

- I... For once? - The show's not for an hour

- and 15 minutes. - Who is always 15... I'm an hour

- and 15 minutes early. - It's at 9:00.

I wish you stayed back and watched The Golden Bachelor with us.

I know... Well, guess what?

- It was great. You should watch it. - We have next...

Well, you won't be home next week, but I'll watch it in memory of you.

- And then we'll watch it, yeah. - And then we'll catch up,

and we'll watch it together.

If I'm home, and I'm not doing anything on Monday nights,

then I have girlfriends over and we watch The Bachelor, sue me.

It was just so genuine, and it was so adorable.

And he was just like...

Like, the girl that got the "First Impression" rose,

he was like, "I'm giving this to you

because of your presence when you talk to me."

Like, he was so specific...

- Wow. - about why he gave it to her,

and I'm just like, "Ugh, bless your soul."

I'm so happy you have something to look forward to...

- Mom. - week to week.

Please. I have, I have a life.

I swear the show sees my dorkiest moments.

Me just like freaking out over Gerry the bachelor.

Like, these are, like, my dorkiest... Whatever.

I am in my grandma era for sure.

Oh, no, it's a life...

It's a lifestyle choice, yeah.

Alright, everybody, see ya later.

I think the show is gonna start, guys.

Oh, there it goes.

Oh, there it goes.

This show tonight is such a big deal.

The crowds of people that are surrounding the venue.

Thousands and thousands of people.

And we're so excited to watch Kendall walk the runway.

It's amazing. We're directly under the Eiffel Tower.

It's so beautiful.

The crowd is fun 'cause everyone's kinda shouting at you,

and you're waving to everyone.

Woo!

It's magical. I mean, Kendall comes out on the runway,

and she has dancers.

Kendall has backup dancers. It was so fun.

Kendall! Woo!

I definitely believe that women empowerment is so, so important.

Kendall! Kendall!

I feel like I-I've been, like, taught that with my sisters, and my whole life.

We have this really beautiful understanding of, like,

let's all support each other, and let's all lift each other up.

So, um, yeah, I'm always here to support a bad bitch.

This is the perfect way to end Paris.

Sitting underneath the Eiffel Tower,

and my daughter's being celebrated for who she is.

It doesn't get any more special than that. It really doesn't.

♪ Watch me shine, while you're sittin' on the sidelines ♪

Hello?

- Oh my gosh, thank you. - Mwah!

Paris was so much fun.

And now, I'm having dinner with Ryan Murphy and my mom,

and I had no idea; I saw it on the schedule today.

This is exactly what happened when he asked me to do American Horror Story.

So, I don't know, it's coming out soon.

Maybe it's just a cute catch-up and I have no idea.

I love your little purse.

- What's in there? Lip balm? - I-I was gonna say, "Ask me what's in it."

- What's in your purse? - I actually grabbed it

with nothing in it.

But typically, it would be a piece of gum, a powder puff, and a lipstick.

This week is the premiere of American Horror Story.

I'm definitely nervous because I say really kinda salacious lines,

and crazy things in this.

I just wanna... I really wanna do a good job.

Last time we all had dinner...

Yeah, last time we had dinner, I came out, and I had like,

"Let's do some great reality show about style."

And you were like, "No, I kinda wanna act."

And it was kinda great,

and I was like... and that put the seed in my head,

- and then we wrote that part for you. - Yeah.

Ya know, it's been a really good experience.

Although, I don't think Kim was prepared for how long the hours are.

- It's hard. - It's no joke.

It's no joke.

You were really, really good to the point that they called me and were like,

"Do you think Kim would wanna do her own show?"

. What did I get myself into?

Can I really pull this off? But I-I think I can.

It's a really good idea.

So, Kim is the world's best, most expensive divorce lawyer.

- Oh. - And she has her...

...own firm, and the thing about her firm is

that it's an all-female firm.

- On brand. - ...and love. Very on brand.

I know I don't need to add another thing to my schedule,

or another TV show, but it's so different than what I do,

and it's such a challenge for me.

And I just... I love the challenge.

So, I just wanna see this out.

When you're going through a divorce,

I would imagine that you become very close to your lawyer,

and tell them everything...

I mean, there's even so many fun moments with, like,

Laura and I where I'm just like,

"Don't ever let me do this again."

Then the next one, she would be like,

"Hi, you reminded me last time.

- Don't ever let you do this again." - Has she done all of your...

Two of 'em, but, like, enough to know.

- And then sh... I was like, "On the... - That's so sad.

- "Has she done all of your divorces?" - ...next one."

"D-Don't ever let me do this." Ya know?

- Yeah. - And she just is, like, so funny.

Well, 'cause it-it has what Sex and the City has,

which is girlfriends.

- It has, like, a bond... - Totally.

of women trying to get through an experience together.

- Yeah. - Well, the fun of it is,

"Not only am I a lawyer, but I play one on TV."

- Like, that's the best catchphrase ever. - Totally.

I mean, could she shoot it in Los Angeles?

Oh, it definitely has to shoot in LA.

- Okay. - Yeah.

I mean, we have to, like, build a sound stage outside your back door.

- Okay. - Yeah.

You just have to juggle the two shows.

You've got this show, and something new,

which you were able to juggle even when it was in New York.

Once I finish law school, I am golden.

- When is that? - I take the Bar 2025.

Got it.

Well, I think, when you put your mind to something, you make it happen.

- Mm-hmm. - And as long as you guys

can figure out how many days a week.

If it's a couple, two, three days a week,

I think you could possibly do that if you take other things out.

I think if you do Kardashians, your new show, your kids, and the Bar,

that's four thi... and you have SKIMS.

It's not like you're shooting every day,

and you can plan your year accordingly.

Totally.

As Kim's mom, I, of course, worry about her being healthy,

and, you know, taking time for herself,

but being creative is what fuels her.

This is what makes her happy.

It's really clear to me now that this is what she loves more than anything.

And being a working mom, it's really hard.

The balance of, ya know, motherhood, being a mom,

it's a challenge, and it's a dance, and Kim has to figure it out.

I don't know how you would fit that in with your life,

but we'd have to figure it out.

I would have to figure that out.

This is a lotta gifts.

I have all these gifts to open, that I was opening them with the kids,

and they all ditched me, and I was like,

"This is not fun to open alone."

- We can open... - So, I was waiting for you.

Yeah. We can open today.

- How to die is the gift from Liz. - Oh, to die.

I'm obsessed with this Nara.

- It's so good, though. - It's crazy.

Are you still collaging for Travis's book?

Oh, my God, yeah. You have to see it.

I cannot believe you keep all this stuff.

This is insane.

I'm still working on it.

Oh, my God. And all the birthday cards.

When I first imagined doing a scrapbook, I imagined it really differently.

Just, like, let's put the stuff in, make it really neat and organized.

And then, it just became this huge project.

But I think I could finish it before the baby.

How many hours have you put into this?

I mean, Veronique stayed for the weekend,

and we got through, like...

- We probably... - She slept over?

- Twi... Two nights in a row. - You're joking.

And we did, we did this for hours.

You're a professional, you can make one for every family member.

- You would have to spend... - No one else deserves my energy.

No one's a perfectionist like I am with the cutting and the stuff.

So, like, anything that's not perfect, that was Veronique.

I'll just say.

I'm like, "Did I not do enough with Phil?"

We've been together eight years. I could fill a page.

Wait, what about our blood vial?

That's sick.

I didn't even wanna comment on it. And is there still blood in it?

- There is. - Are you okay?

- Is that, like, healthy, safe? - A biohazard, you see?

That's cute.

Oh, I think he's going

- on stage. - That's him.

Hi, baby.

Hi, baby. I'm goin' on stage.

Okay. Want me to say your prayer?

Thank you.

Okay, dear Lord Jesus, I pray that you keep

a wall of fire around Travis and that he has a great show,

and that you protect his fingers.

And that he's safe on the riser,

and keep his head clear, and that he's safe from the fire.

In Jesus's name. Amen.

Thank you, God. Amen. I love you, baby.

I love you. Have the best show.

Alright, have the best day. I'll call you afterwards.

Mwah.

- Um, are we going down? - We're going down.

- Hello. - Hi, guys.

- Hi, hi. - Am I sitting right here?

Yeah, we have you all set up.

- Amazing. - Kourt, this is Peyton,

- with Calm. - Hi.

Lemme brought me this idea to do something with the Calm app.

I've been saying this, by the way, forever.

'Cause you and Travis have the most calming voices.

I'm reading a bedtime story, like a sleep story?

It ties into Lemme Sleep. Should we do this, guys?

Let's do it.

Hi.

Wait, I...

Oh. Good, how are you?

I'm pretty monotone in... general.

Yeah, I think it's gonna be iconic.

My monotone voice reading a sleep story will be perfect.

Okay, I was gonna say I don't wanna do it until it's right

'cause I'm really out of breath easily in my pregnancy.

I think it'll be like a one-take type of thing.

It's, like, very calm, and I was just doing my

"what would I sound like if I was in bed with my kids reading a bedtime story?"

"I'm Kourtney Kardashian Barker.

"Tonight we're gonna learn about some new positions

as we drift slowly to sleep."

But I think it happens to be my talking to Travis voice.

"see how you sleep and who you squeeze is totally up to you.

Good night."

Wow.

I got a round of applause just so you guys know.

And if you guys need anything else,

I was kinda joking about the one take,

but if we got it in the one take, amazing.

Sure... I'll do section three. Okay, I'll do three.

I think I'm really in this zone of, like, I just feel really calm and happy.

"Have a good day. Sweet dreams."

But, like, especially because of the emergency fetal surgery

that I had to have, I'm just, like, good vibes only.

Please, keep the bad vibes away.

- How was it? - Okay. Good.

- It... Was it good? - How was... No, it was great.

It sounded amazing.

Kourt, your baby shower post is so cute.

People are so wild, though,

'cause they're, like, so confused

that I, like, wrote on Kim's baby shower post.

Like, she posted our shower and I was like,

"Thank you Mom and sisters for the best social-distanced baby shower,"

- something, like, wrote something nice. - Yeah, I saw the comment.

It was nice.

And then everyone's like, "Kourtney's trollin'."

You know they think that I'm, like... that we, like, hate each other.

- Yeah. - But also, I so badly wanted to be, like,

"By the way, I never knew that call was filmed."

Did she not tell you when she called?

No, I just had a feeling that it was filmed, like, after the fact,

and then she was like, "Yeah."

And I'm like, "You're not using it." But then...

it was too good not to use.

The phone call, people got really analytical and deep.

So, we're all confused and we're on a group chat

that's actually labeled "Not Kourtney,"

so we know and have to funnel what your friends are saying to us.

And have to figure out why you're such a different person,

- and why you have this vendetta out. - But do you think

that I would wanna be a part of that?

You know, we're sisters.

I think people forget... They always say, like, on our show,

like, "How are they gonna get through it?"

And they pick sides, and everyone gets really riled up.

I think there's, like, this huge misconception

that Kourtney and I hate each other.

We really don't.

I'm sure a lot of people have had, like, crazy fights with their siblings.

Maybe ours are more extreme. I'm not sure. I really don't know.

The thing about Kourtney and I,

no matter how crazy things are, no matter what's going on,

if she needs something, I'm there, if I need something, she's there.

And we'll always be that way no matter what we're going through.

So, was it just the sisters on the "Not Kourtney" group chat?

- Yeah. - No one else?

No friends.

The amount of people who've reached out to me to say,

"I knew you wouldn't be on that group chat."

- Yeah. - I'm like, honestly, thank God.

Thank God you weren't. But you know what?

That's a characteristic that my mom and Kim have had for my whole life

of being like,

- "Everyone's talking about you." - Yes.

But there's no everyone.

And I'm so happy that I just don't give a

about any of that anymore.

Yeah. No, and you and Kim have subsequently made up

- and it's all good now. - Yeah.

Kim and I are great.

Everything's, like, back to normal.

We get along, we, like, really connect over the kids.

I can't even believe that a second of energy was wasted on that.

You did very good, Kourtney.

- Really? - You are a natural,

natural for the sleep story.

Think I have a new career, guys.

- Yeah. - Truly.

- Hi! - Hi!

- What's going on? - Hi, cutie.

Why do you have your purse?

Where are you... You going shopping?

I don't know.

I did not go to Paris for Fashion Week this year.

But that does not mean that I don't have FOMO.

So, I cannot wait to get the full download from Kylie.

And I love catching up with her.

Kylie, these little heels that you're wearing,

- I just... - You hate 'em?

Duh, I'm not a... I'm, like, either a flats

or a stripper heel type of girl.

I like these because

- it's-it's more casual. - That's like a micro-penis.

We're not about to shame micros right now.

Okay, we won't, but nobody wants them.

You just accept them.

That's not true. Some people like them.

Hm. Maybe if they have a micro-puss.

I think a micro-puss would be fascinating.

'Cause doesn't everyone want a smaller puss?

I tend to have a larger puss.

Like, when I'm fat, it gets fatter.

'Cause when I was fat, I had Camille.

Now that I've been skinnier, Camille disappeared.

How was Paris?

- Paris was good. - You looked incredible.

Thank you. Um, I saw Jordyn again in Paris.

- How was that? - It was fun.

I think we have, like, a lot more, like, healthy distance in the relationship.

- Now it's, like, we talk once a month. - I think it's really...

I think what I do love now is that

the narrative about us online is also over.

Like, when we were seen leaving that restaurant,

if it was a story for the day or two days, whatever,

- and then, now, it's, like, it's over. - It disappeared.

- Yeah. - People know that we're cool

and no one's talking about it anymore.

I've always told you, like, I never want you to have regrets in life,

and I, for sure, never want you to have regrets with anything that comes to me.

And I've told you, like, when you were saying that you miss her and whatever,

and I-I've never had an issue with you keeping your friendships with anyone.

- That's not my job in life. - Mm-hmm.

I'm happy to have this conversation with Khloé

'cause I think that people don't really understand

how pure Khloé's heart is.

And even right after everything happened,

her energy was always the same with me.

She's like, "You need to do whatever makes you happy.

There's nothing more important to me than you and your happiness."

And she's just very special.

And I wish more people knew how special she was.

I definitely get frustrated, the whole narrative about her and I,

or her and you, or me and you, whatever.

- It's, like, this weird... - It's an internet creative narrative

- that doesn't even exist. - Totally.

And so, that is something that I would love behind us all.

They're always pinning the girls against one another.

And there's actually no beef.

I hate that you have to choose Team Jordyn or Team Kylie.

And we're not like that.

Like, 'cause we're just living, we're not, like, thinking that hard

about the situation anymore.

We just want happy, peaceful, healthy lives.

- Yeah. - That's all we want.

Ain't that the truth?

- Well... - Mom's having dinner with someone.

Who is she having dinner with?

- There's some people... - Ooh. Should we go?

- Yeah. - Let's just go.

Let's go ambush.

I love just visiting my mom.

I would love if she gets pissed.

Oh, Kylie's with us. She won't get pissed.

Cameras included or not included.

Who the does she think she is?

- Yeah, who the... - Having dinner without telling us?

We're her favorites.

Hi, Eric.

Mom?!

Mom?!

- Mom?! - Who are you having dinner with?

Mom?!

Mom?!

- What are... - Hi. Who are you having dinner with?

What do you think you're doing tonight?

I'm watching Dancing with the Stars.

Mom!

It was all Kylie's idea 'cause you love her the most.

I do not love her the most. I love you all the same.

Yep.

- Well, this was much more... - Yeah, this was...

anticlimactic than I assumed.

I thought, like, you were gonna have an orgy or something.

- No. - "Mom! Your vagina!"

Love you guys. I actually have to go...

- Love you. - 'cause I wanna say bye to my kids.

- Bye! Love you! - I'm s-so sorry.

Kylie really wanted to see you.

- Bye. - Aww, of course, she did.

"What size shoe does your mommy wear?"

- My mommy? - M-My mommy. Malika's asking.

- Eight and a half or nine... - 'Member when you had that foot surgery?

It's called bunion surgery.

- You're big... - What is a bunion?

- Oh, my God. - Oy, look at this.

Oh, I know. People can get really messed up.

Bunions are gross.

I don't... I'm not big with, like, a lot of random body parts.

Like, even belly buttons.

Don't get me started on an outie, oy.

Talk about a micro-penis.

And, like, the fact that you don't have worse feet is wild.

Worse feet?

- I have beautiful feet. - I know you have beautiful feet.

- I have feet that would go on OnlyFans... - But you walk on heels.

- and make a fortune by the way. - Oh.

People on OnlyFans show their feet?

There's foot fetishes all around the world.

What?

- And my... Mom... - Stop!

Kourtney and Travis are probably the emperor and empress of foot fetishes.

- Stop it. - By the way.

- Mom, you know this, but... - No, I do not know this.

- I have beautiful ballerina... - Wait, what do you...

But what do you do with somebody's feet?

Khloé, no.

Okay, so, why are we talk... Oh...

- The foot fetish. - Can we go back to the bunions?

Because that's the conversation

- I was most comfortable with. - Well, my point is

people have foot fetishes, so I can make a lot of money off my feet,

but I just haven't gone there yet.

Don't worry. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I will be there.

If you get me my bunion surgery.

♪ I wanna be in on the action ♪

♪ I wanna be causin' reaction ♪

♪ I want 'em to feel, and want 'em to see ♪

♪ I want 'em to dance with passion ♪

♪ Wanna be in on the action ♪

- Thank you. - ♪ It's gonna be hot ♪

♪ And never forgot ♪

♪ Not gonna be a distraction ♪

Hi!

Tonight is the premiere

of American Horror Story starring Kim Kardashian.

So, we're very excited.

She FaceTimed me from set in her makeup

and I didn't even know it was her.

So, you're in for a thrill.

What time does the show come on?

- 7:00. - 7:00.

Yeah, so, y'all should probably get a drink or somethin'.

What do you guys want?

No, he has a person here for that.

- There's people here, Kris. - Oh.

By the way, this isn't 15 years ago, we're bossin' me around

with the wine.

That was 20 years ago! When Reggie was around,

it was literally like, "Mr. Football, how are ya?"

- [♪ dance music playing] - ♪ Look at me now ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ I'm in the crowd ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Look at me now ♪

Hi, guys!

How are you?

North, your side-eye was on fuego right now.

I love your side-eye.

Kim, I didn't know this was, like, real scary.

- Well, these episodes aren't. - You wanna sit right here?

- 'Cause I don't do, like, real... - And I'm, like, scared.

Will you hold me? Hold me.

Oh, my God.

So, I don't like anything horror.

I don't like to be scared. Just, like, don't "Boo" me.

Don't like, "Boo!" Like, off.

I do not wanna be scared. Life is scary enough.

So, Kim, you have no idea how scary this is?

No, I have no idea, like... if it's good.

- I mean, I'm sure... - Of course, it's good.

I just am like, "Oh, my God, as long as people don't say I'm awful."

- Show's gonna start. - Yes.

- 'Kay. - We should go inside.

I'm ready to watch Kim get a Emmy.

That is so good.

So cute! Northy, look it!

Scott, this is so cute in here.

Yeah. Cute, right? Are we ready to get started?

Guys, I don't wanna watch this.

- Yes! - Are you sure?

- Come on, Kimberly. Woo! - 'Kay, can we turn all the lights off?

You almost knocked over her wine.

Mom, you knocked her wine all over her pajamas.

- No, it's okay. - Oh, I'm so sorry.

- I just don't wanna get... It's okay. - Mom!

- I just don't wanna get... - Is there a napkin?

- Scott, do you mind getting a napkin? - Yeah.

- Does anyone have a napkin? - We need a napkin!

It's right there!

- She has a whole stack of 'em. - Guys, guys, guys.

The show's gonna be hectic enough. We don't need to fight each other.

It's like pandemonium. Oh, my gosh.

Everyone's freaking out. How're we gonna fix it?

Do we need to put water on the couch?

Maybe sit over there.

Scott, you don't have any fabric cleaner we can spray?

This is why we have a no red wine rule.

People wanna live their lives.

Mom, chill out. You're the one that threw the blanket.

"Who has red wine with a cream couch?"

But then she'd complain if there wasn't red wine here.

I'll have it cleaned tomorrow.

The chaos over, like, a couple drops of wine was wild.

Everything's okay, everybody. We'll have that cleaned...

By the way, it's my couch! I don't give a!

I'm gonna have it cleaned.

Everyone just shut the up, and turn the show on.

Can you get Scott's couch cleaned tomorrow?

'Cause I spilled some red wine on it. Thank you.

- Is everybody ready? - Yes.

Matthew's gonna send somebody over here tomorrow to clean the couch.

Okay, guys, should we turn the lights off?

Scott can't wait for us to leave.

I don't mind. I'm getting a new couch, I mean...

Oh, my God. This is gonna cost me 20 grand.

- Okay. Let's push play, babe. - At least.

I'm already makin' the order.

Okay.

- What the? Is that you, Keeks? - What?

- It's Kimberly! - Can you imagine?

Would die if that was her.

It's interesting to see 'cause I never saw any of this.

I'm definitely nervous because I put the time

and the energy in to do something different

that was outside of my comfort zone.

Dude, this is wild.

I don't know, I feel like it could go really bad

and embarrassing for everyone if I suck.

I just hope people like it.

That's me, guys.

Yeah, baby.

It's exhausting being better than everyone.

Oh, so, you're playing your mom?

All of that would wind up in the bargain bin at Walmart.

- I mean, no offense. - I mean, none taken. That is true.

Kim, you're so cute.

So good, babe.

Yeah, like, no matter what they think I did...

But who knows? Are they lying also?

'Cause it's like when your kid's ugly,

of course, your family's gonna be like, "It's so cute." You know?

Like, what are they gonna say, I suck?

- Kim, you're doing so great! - Thanks, guys.

So, at least in this moment, I believe it.

But I'll wait for the reviews and see if they were telling the truth.

This role seems perfect for Kim K, not gonna lie.

- I smell an Emmy. - Please don't.

Oh, my God, everyone's saying Siobhan is literally Kris Jenner.

That's what I said!

"Kim has the s... Kim has best preparation for this role."

Nice.

People were saying really great things like,

"Wow, we didn't wanna like it, but..."

Kind of like how I felt when I did SNL.

They always wanna hate,

and it's such a good feeling when people are responding well to something.

Kim, Ryan Murphy said you were so good in this

that he thinks you should do this for the rest of your life full-time.

This is a huge deal for Kim because the growth in her confidence

of her taking risks, her saying like, "You know, I can do this."

Like, when there was once a time in her life

that she thought she needed somebody else to call the shots, direct her.

And she felt almost like she could do nothing on her own.

She needed a slew of people to ask.

Now she's just makin' decisions on her own,

and that's what makes me the happiest.

- Good job, Kimberly! - Yay, bravo.

- Great job, Kim. - Amazing!

- That took a lot of strength, babe. - Thank you.

- So good. - You're a actress!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my gosh, Scott is like, "Please don't come back."

I'm so proud of you. Like, really, really good.

- You should be really proud of yourself. - It was a strong version of you, Kimmy.

Kim has actually taken on more than I ever thought she would do this year.

Alright, guys, we're gonna celebrate.

She has more energy than anybody I've ever met in my life.

More ambition, drive, more creativity.

And every year that goes by,

she just seems to have more impressive goals,

and she meets every single one of them. It's wild.

Running by you!

Does this remind you of the Vegas days?

Can officially apply for a star on the Walk of Fame now.

Yeah!

I am in my actress era.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Next on The Kardashians...

It's my birthday week and I've been called to do jury duty.

Feel like there's some kind of O.J. connection

that'll get me out of jury duty.

Just kidding.

If untreated, dementia, Alzheimer's or Parkinson's could be

- in my future. - What did you say?

- I can't hear. - Your ears are fine.

We'll fix it.

- Let's do another hearing test. - Okay.

This is the most excited I've been in a really long time.

My mom pulled some strings and got Gerry to come over for dinner.

Hello, everyone.

- Did you not see what I saw? - No.

I saw his phone.

I've seen some things that I shouldn't have seen.

Is there any hope for Tristan or is... that door's closed?

Scott.

- But eventually... - But it'd be nice

to grow old with somebody.

Um, you guys, Rob sent me that FootFinder.

I don't know what that is.

Said that they would pay me a million dollars to show my feet,

and I would do that.

Wh-What do I have to do with my feet?

A million bucks?

I don't give a . I was thinkin', like, $100.

Yes.

I can let people massage my feet.