Original subtitles

Those who understand life

to the point of finding humor in bad situations

will live a long happy life without clinging to it.

These kind of people are rare.

Wherever they are, they make people happy.

-More! More! -More! More!

Hi, everyone!

We are...

Ladies and gentlemen...

Can you keep it short?

Please keep it short.

I'm standing here with a microphone in front of me.

I'm standing here naked... I mean...

I'm standing here waiting in front of a microphone.

Talking about Bangkok, I really wanted to go...

So I got dressed and ready to roll...

I went to the south pier, but the boat was not there...

Why didn't you go to the north pier? The boat might be there.

Docking it there was way too hard.

Upon arrival at Bangkok,

I found people peeling bananas

so I pull out my...

bananas to peel.

-What are you doing? -Combing my hair.

Who use bananas as a comb?

My hair and bananas have something in common.

What? You and bananas are bald?

All right, go home.

Why can't you say, "I have split ends," so we can have a laugh?

I'm so scared!

I'm so petrified!

Mom.

-What's this? -My ear.

-You still want it? -Of course.

-How many do you want? -Both.

You want them gone both?

Hey!

-Just one cut off? -Hey!

No!

-Cut off both ears. -Hey!

-Keep both ears intact. -Hey!

-That's correct. -Right.

-Why stopping now? -Right.

You should've cut more.

To be honest, I'm so stressed because I picked the wrong husband.

Then how could you have a son with him?

What happened inside my bedroom is none of your business.

-What? -Hey!

Did you have an affair with my wife?

What? No! Look at me. I'm your friend.

That's why you use lip balm every day.

Come on! Shave off his hair nicely.

Hey! Are you crazy?

-Why's that? -Your son's right here.

This is Santisuk. I'm not the one getting ordained.

-I don't have a wife yet. -Let's cut.

-Put his hair here. -Careful with the scissors.

All right.

My son.

Papa, your turn.

-Your turn. -Bathe him.

Hey!

For mom! For mom!

What are you doing? Come on, help him up.

-Come on up, my child. -At the same time.

For mom! For mom!

He does it for his mom. He rolled down like a ball.

After bathing Naga, the next step...

is to apply turmeric and marl powder.

Please call me Search.

Search. Search...

After coating him with all this flour, let’s deep fry him.

Come here and listen

The story of Naga's father and mother

How they met

Please, Naga

Listen to this story

Naga

Before you enter monkhood

Did you know the story

Of your father and mother?

That your father and mother

They were wicked and vicious

Did you know?

Your mother was good for nothing

And your father was up to no good

Our whole community

Was well aware of it

O Naga

Before your mother met your father

She granted favors to any man

I'd be hard to count How many partners she had

Your mother made merits with her buttocks

She had virtue in promiscuity

O hear me, Naga

Immorality did not only plague Your mother

But also your father

He chased skirts No matter who

Even an unfortunate one with no limbs

He still failed to see it as a sin

Hear me, Naga

It's uncertain who you are

As you might not be this man's son

Excuse me, masters.

Your song's very touching. It's beautiful.

I almost teared up.

But I'd like to ask you something.

Who exactly is my father?

Who's your father is still unclear

It could be any of us masters sitting here

This’s not how to chant a send-off. People will misunderstand his parents.

Just kidding!

-We haven't started yet. -True.

Mahori, let's do it!

Namaskar.

Bless you all.

Are you tired, Mom?

Seeing you in this robe, I even forget about feeling tired.

What's your name?

Where are you from?

Why do you want to be ordained?

My name's Noi. What about you? Why were you ordained?

We just met and he made me speechless.

I became a monk

because I wanted to study the Lord Buddha's Dharma.

Then I found peace. So I remained a monk.

Yeah. That's my reason too.

I hope things will get better.

I'm tired of this world, tired of how divided we are,

tired of politics, tired of student gangsters,

tired of life, tired of the rise and fall of fame,

of everything that's going on and on, like it never stops, never goes back...

tired of love that's not yet to be found,

tired of the fact that she left,

tired of those politicians who never keep their words,

-and abuse our taxes-- -Enough!

-Enough! Enough! -Sorry.

Enough.

Well, I'm just afraid that if you get tired of this temple,

us monks would be thrown in jail.

But at least it's a good reason, better than getting ordained just to chill

or just because it's what people do.

I don't want the type who's sleepy at dawn

because he stayed up until five in the morning

watching TV and eating ramen and French fries.

That was a joke. I'm kidding.

Entering monkhood

may not make all your wishes come true.

Our lives, our destinies.

This is an auspicious moment.

Bring me the head of that Buddha’s statue.

You know which one, right?

You know where the hell it is.

I can't say that. It's a sin.

You know where the statue is, right?

-Yes, sir. -Yes, sir.

That's good! Loud and clear!

Dad, this is wrong.

You've been doing it for so long. You can stop now.

We have so much money already.

Monks have 227 rules to follow.

If you can follow just five, that would be great.

Son of a bitch!

How dare you lecture me?

I'm your father!

Your mother lived right next to a temple. I still had no trouble screwing her.

I screwed her on a long-tail boat,

on land and in water, and the noise was like...

I'm way worse than you think.

You don't have to teach me. Just listen.

The five precepts?

I can tell you right now. Listen and keep in mind.

It's good for you if you remember.

Pana Panu.

Kill no goose, no fish.

If you find a giant snake-head fish,

smash its head, then make some soup out of it.

This is just the first precept.

Adinna. Abstain from taking what is not given.

If the abbot is sleeping,

carefully search for his belongings.

That will do.

You still don't get it, you idiots.

Kamesumiccha.

Don't steal people's wives.

If they want it,

let them get some.

How did I come up with this?

Musa. Don't lie,

or else you'll go to hell for sure.

If your lies make you rich,

then keep doing it.

Sura. Refrain from drinking and using drugs.

If you don't have money, you can't have fun.

If you do, my brothers, run for it. Don't be afraid.

Make it the best day of your life.

Come on, let's go find him!

Fuck yeah!

Fate makes plans for idiots.

Idiots follow without question.

Idiot meets idiot, they're doomed.

One's gone.

One remain.

-Bros for life! -Bros for life!

-Damn cool! -Damn right!

Do you like it?

-Who's that? -Who's that?

You did this, didn't you?

Why did you paint a monk's bowl?

-Yeah, we did. -Ood!

At least Ood knows that lying to a monk is wrong.

Father, you've been ordained for so long.

-Have you seen what does a vice look like? -No.

Vice's mouth is like smiley.

While virtue...

-Yes? -Its mouth is like kissy.

Virtue... Virtue...

Repeat after me.

-Repeat what? -Vice.

-Vice. -Virtue.

Virtue.

-You're doing good. -Isn't that so?

Nope! Can you try like...

purse your lips while saying it.

-Please do it, Father. -Yes, yes, Father.

Vice.

Vice.

That's good!

-How about this? -Almost got it.

Say virtue while smiling.

Virtue.

Virtue.

What now? You guys want me to jump in the water with you?

Stop fooling around and get out!

You must prepare Kuti for the new monk who's getting ordained today.

And you'd better take care of this too.

Sure.

Vice.

Virtue.

What?

Hurry up!

This is peace.

This is what I've been searching for.

I wish to be a bridge between material and dharmic worlds

to help Thais find peace with each other again.

I promise.

Really?

Hello.

I'm human.

Please don't be afraid. I'm human.

How are you doing?

No, please don't bow to me, Venerable. Otherwise, I'll be damned.

-No need to bow back. -All right.

And don't be afraid.

-I live in this temple. -Right.

-My name's Song. -I'm Phra Noi.

Some people call me...

Boonsong. Others call me Goonsong.

I'm so amused by my own name.

-Venerable, you're just ordained, right? -Yes.

Em and Ood were ordered to prepare living quarters for you.

-Please come with me. -Okay then.

-Thank you. -Yes.

Em. Ood.

Who did this?

You vicious sinners!

How can you do this to a piteous monk?

Hey.

Is he a monk or that guy from Avatar?

He's a monk, Venerable.

Tell me who did this.

-It was Em. -No, it was Ood.

-Traitor. -I just bought the colors.

All right, it was me.

They're new here. Phra Noi and Phra Search.

Father wants you to guide them.

Phra Search can stay in the room next to yours.

Phra Noi can stay in this room.

Sure, I'll take care of them.

-All right. -By the way,

is this washable?

It will take months.

What a relief.

Oh...

how can I walk outside?

Hey! Stop!

Hey!

Stop!

Hi, everyone!

What do you think about your audience fighting again?

I'm very concerned, but I'll continue doing my best.

I want everyone to have fun and have a good time.

But what's your opinion about this incident?

And are your next shows still confirmed?

I hope so. I hope people still want to come and have fun with us.

Your audience always becomes aggressive.

There's criticism that your shows divide people and incite violence.

Your thoughts?

-Do you think it will happen again? -Is it because of the dance moves?

-Yeah, too aggressive. -No!

This is ridiculous!

People were screaming.

Not far from that big tall fella who was hurting...

But why? Why?

Why no one helped?

Don't think too much.

Don't think too much. Just stop.

Do you see that hose?

When you turn on the water full volume without people holding it,

the hose will swerve uncontrollably.

Our hands are like Dharma that calm our minds,

not to be distracted by uncontrollable thoughts.

Okay. Let go.

Let go.

Let go

Forget it

Let go

Forget it.

Let go Forget it

For-get-it

Where?

Why are you barking at me?

If we go back empty-handed, our boss's going to kill us.

Hey! I got an idea!

We should take something back with us.

Ter, don't tell me you're going to steal the whole church?

Stop it, Ptooey!

-Look behind you. -Behind me?

A big bell, chiming, chiming.

Everything happens as a result of karma and samsara.

Yet, our bell was stolen.

And look at all these poor dogs running around

without anyone bothering to pick them up.

People these days.

Oh, a scarecrow. I thought it was a person.

Who wants to be rich?

-I do! -I do!

They all knew this joke.

Everyone, please follow me.

We have to bless them with age, beauty, and no harm from smoking cigarettes.

Oh, my God!

Here they come with their bright orange and yellow robes,

including your lover. I know, the one with the mole on his forehead,

This way, please.

You think that I didn't know, that I had forgotten?

-What? -You want to give alms, right?

-Yes. -Then get it over with, so they can leave.

I don't want to have problems with anyone.

If you want to ask about love...

Here comes poetry.

...it's hard to answer it with reason.

I can see you stealing a glance.

I just know if I ever love anyone...

Don't deny it.

...I'll be in deep water with my husband.

Forget about deep water. I'm going to kick your ass right here.

Open your bowl lid, I'm giving you alms.

Don't forget, you're a monk.

Starring at a woman is a sin.

If you're uncomfortable, don't do it. The poem, I mean.

Are you warning me? Out of your good heart?

I know what you think.

Though you renounced the secular world, can you cut it off completely?

-It's water under the bridge. -Yeah. Right.

Here are our offerings.

Do you still get jealous?

It just happens, you know?

I renounced that life.

Renounce what, your robes, perhaps?

Come on, give me a break.

It's like this every morning.

Not every morning.

When he's not here, we're fine.

But when certain someone comes, we get into a fight. It just happens.

Why fight? Don't you feel bad for your country?

We, as a nation, are wounded enough.

Do you know the word "unity?"

He's right. Family as an institution is in a fragile state.

If you can't make your family happy,

what can you do for your country?

You gave me goosebumps!

-Ayu-- -No need!

Today seems like it's not a good day.

You should've not treated them that way,

-and you know it. -Shut up!

Father, this way please.

-Father. -Yes?

If I don't give you food, what will you eat?

Then I won't eat.

Why don't you cook in your temple?

Nobody gives us a gas stove.

Father... Oh! Father!

What's on your forehead?

A fly, maybe? Slap it.

Please open you lid.

-Father. -Yes?

Is he new?

His name's not New. It's Search.

He used to be a comedian.

Please call me Phra Search.

Phra Search.

That's funny!

Who wants to be rich?

I do. I do.

He's funny!

Don't want you to get hungry.

Long life, beauty, happiness, strength

Sadhu.

You should bless him.

May you live your life long,

in good health,

and be tall,

happy and handsome,

please.

Thank you. You too.

Let's go. It's almost noon and we haven't eaten.

Bye-bye!

When are we arriving?

It's so hot and this bowl is heavy.

It's hot and heavy, but we'll be fine.

This is nothing compared to your mother carrying you in her womb for nine months.

It's heavy and uncomfortable. She had to stop eating sour, sweet,

fatty, spicy, or spicing things up with your father...

I mean cooking something spicy for your father.

She couldn’t even do that.

We were so absorbed with what you said

we walked pass our temple.

Wait! This is our temple.

It's probably the work of those two nitwits.

Well, I think it's beautiful. It can attract people.

Everything is a result of karma and samsara.

-Isn't it so? -You remember that well.

Oh...

it's beautiful.

Pure art.

A fine line between heaven and hell.

What are you looking at?

We eat to live, not live to eat.

Eventually everything goes down to our stomach.

Strange.

I haven't seen a new monk like him in quite a while.

Strange?

I don't think this strange.

Strange is those who swallow bricks, sand and dirt.

Or in the worst case, the whole mountain.

And if you're not careful, someday they'll swallow this temple too.

Those capitalists who want to sell this land to make a golf course.

Em!

Em!

Em!

Father, why are they being punished?

-They're grown men. -Airbrushing the whole temple like that?

-Did you think it was right? -They're grown-ups...

-It's not because I'm mad. -...but acted like a child,

-and must be punished. -You caused troubles for the monks.

They couldn't think like grown-ups.

You troublemakers!

-You deserve this! -However, violence is never an answer.

This is just for them to remember that what they did wasn't right.

Let's eat.

He's so damn stupid.

Genius!

-He's a fool. -He's never going to catch us.

Can you eat that?

Well...

he's eating it. I want to give it a try.

Let me try.

-I'll try it. -Yeah, try it.

-Try it. -Do you want to mix it with mine?

That's all right. Just eat in your own plate.

That's it.

Oh...

it tastes like an enzyme Ionic plasma.

Hey! Anyone!

Pull me out of this chair, so I can distinctly scold you guys.

-Come on! -Help!

-Why didn't you step on my head? -Gotcha.

Asshole! That was sarcastic.

Why did you steal a goddamn bell?

I told you to bring back the head.

Dad, dogs were everywhere, barking and howling.

Why didn't you kill them all?

That's a sin, Dad.

Sin? Or you can just sedate them.

Whatever, I don't give a damn.

But you have to bring me the head of the Buddha's statue.

I got an order from abroad.

Em, can you buy some medicine for me?

I don't feel well.

What medicine? It's pretty late.

I have some traditional remedy.

Please wait here.

I'll be right back.

-Here you go. -Can I have that? What is it?

Of course you can.

This is rancid urine medicine.

Try it, you'll feel better.

Venerable, it's mostly alcohol,

but you can mix it up to use it as medicine.

But according to the Vinaya, it's rancid urine with yellow myrobalan,

or alcohol. It's against the precept.

-See? -Yeah.

I told the Venerable Father, but he didn't listen.

He's not healthy. But after he tried some of this,

he can walk ten klicks just fine. He's very strong now.

-How about running? -Running's even faster than walking.

You can have it, Venerable.

Pour just one finger in a cup.

-You can drink it. -Really?

Oh...

is it going to explode?

Phra Search couldn't even join us for breakfast.

And who's to blame? You two idiots!

Just one finger?

One finger in a small cup or a shot glass, yes.

But you poured it in a water jar lid.

The depth’s right but the lid's wide.

That's like a whole bottle.

-God forbid! -What?

Are you Sri Thanonchai reborn?

Oh...

I think Phra Search is not going to be sober tomorrow.

-Then give him a fix! -Seriously?

-You think you're funny? -What?

-You're so funny. -What? Get out of my face.

-They're monks. Show some respect. -What's your problem?

-Are you trying to kiss his ass? -Hell awaits you.

What's hell?

-Hey! -Yes?

You know we are monks,

so learn to be more respectful, Ood and Em.

Why? Yes I do know.

-Know what? -Venerable Father. Venerable Brother.

Oh, poor me!

I really want to send you back to your parents.

-Alas! -Go!

If you do that, they will send me to another temple.

But I like it here.

-Why? -The monks are friendly.

I don't want to be friendly towards you.

Why are you walking in the front? You know their house?

Stop touching me. My father's not dead.

Careful, boss.

Careful.

Careful.

Careful.

Good job!

We have to cut this off.

Careful!

You want the whole world to know?

How about this?

Let’s play some music so nobody hears what we're doing.

It's so loud!

Let's get the party started!

Yeah, good work! Keep going!

Come on!

-Faster! -You'll wake up the whole village.

The monks won't know. It's late. They're all sleeping.

If we don't camouflage ourselves,

people will know who we are.

-Keep going, so you can enter. -Do it faster!

It's this big? How can we carry it?

You idiot!

-We just need the head. -Yeah?

-Yeah. -Are you done talking?

Why are you screaming?

-I thought you were a monk. -No, it's me.

I just came to tell you I finished sawing.

Well done.

-Can you stop talking and get to work? -Yeah, get to work.

Hurry up!

Come on!

Come on! You want people to find out what we're doing?

-I know. -Hurry up!

I'm looking for a power socket.

Someone's coming. Take whatever you can!

What's with the noise?

-Can you be considerate to the monks? -Come on! Let's go!

It's late and nobody's come yet.

See?

It's your fault.

You trash-talked too much, you know?

I said nothing.

They're not coming here today. I don't know where they went.

Come on out.

Hey!

Where are all the monks?

This temple is strangely quiet.

Maybe they're praying.

Let's go check it out.

This temple looks...

creepy. I'm scared.

-But I think… -Come on.

...it is the perfect setting for our movie.

Anyway,

we have to thank you

-for driving us up here. -Thank you.

Would you park the car somewhere cool and shady?

Then come and meet us.

Okay.

-Let's go. -Come on.

Why is it so quiet?

-Is it deserted? -Not really.

If it was, you'd see cacti.

Very funny.

Look! What happened to him?

-Venerable? -Venerable, sir!

-Wake up! -Venerable!

There's a novice underneath him.

-Venerable! -Venerable!

-Venerable, sir! -Venerable, please wake up!

Venerable!

What's going on?

Namaskar, Venerable.

-What happened? -Bless you.

Ood! Ood!

Are we dead?

-What are you talking about? -We're in heaven!

What heaven? This is a pavilion.

I think it's because of our merits.

Who are they?

They're angels, Ood.

What? Another one?

-Venerable! -Venerable, sir!

Venerable!

Venerable!

Shit! Who are you people?

M-I-D-O-A-B-W-J

A monk is dead on a big water jar.

Help! A monk is dead!

Anybody, help!

He's dead! Come on!

Hurry up! This way!

Instead of helping, you're making me deaf.

-Father! Father! -What happened?

Father, are you all right?

Are you safe? Father?

I'm all right. I almost died.

Hey!

What's going on?

-Is everyone all right? -No!

Everyone was completely knocked out.

-Really? -Yes.

And the marble Buddha statue?

-Have you checked? -No.

-Let's go. -Hurry, Father!

Phra Search!

-Venerable! -Phra Search!

Phra Search!

Phra Search! Phra Search!

Come on, let's help him!

-Venerable! -Those devils!

We'll see about that!

-I'll make them pay! -Calm down.

We're monks. We should understand love, greed, anger and lust.

Everything is a result of karma and samsara.

How can you be this stupid?

I told you to sedate the dogs

not the monks.

If they all die, what will happen?

A massive funeral ceremony.

How can you be so dumb?

What a waste of time!

You morons!

Stupid assholes!

That monk who stopped you, who is he?

He's new, boss. He's just ordained.

How did he know?

You'd better find out about this monk.

"Thus, indeed, is the Exalted One, a Worthy One,

a Fully Enlighted One, endowed with wisdom and conduct,

an Accomplished one, knower of the worlds,

an incomparable Charioteer for the training of individuals,

the teacher of gods and men, Omniscient and Holy.

Well expounded is the Dharma by the Exalted one..."

-Namaskar, Venerable. -May Buddha bless you.

I heard that by making merit for a new monk,

we receive more good karma.

I also have great respect for you for protecting the marble Buddha,

It's nothing really.

I mean, it's nothing. Just a coincidence.

What did you do before becoming a monk?

I was a Naga.

You're a real comedian.

Yes, I was really a comedian.

Really?

Venerable, we want to be comedians.

Can you please teach us?

You need no training because your face's a joke already.

And you're all dressed up. Back in the day,

we called it costume comedy.

The jokes are on your clothes, not on your words.

But if you really want to learn,

I'll give you something. Everybody loves it.

Whatever I ask, you answer with "I do. I do."

-All right. -Try this.

-Who wants to be rich? -I do. I do.

-Who wants to be on a bus? -I do.

-Who wants to be famous? -I do

-Who wants a gold touch? -I do. I do.

-Who wants to be a mutt? -I do. I do.

-Listen carefully! -I listened...

How was it? Funny?

-Yes. -We had a good laugh.

Right.

So that's it for "to die."

"Today."

You're a quick learner. Well done.

We have to go now. Goodbye, "vulnerable."

"Venerable!"

You keep saying "thongs wring."

-"Things wrong." -You're not going to stop?

-Goodbye. -May Buddha bless you.

Come on.

I do. I do.

Amazing.

It is not always necessary to make merit

only on ceremonial, or religious occasions.

You have to look inside your hearts

and see that every day is actually the day you can give.

Who can understand?

-Moments like today, though special... -What did he say?

...they're actually not the most important thing.

What is important is that every day in the morning,

you wake up with tolerance, understanding, kindness, forgiveness,

and knowing that you can do something good

for those who live next to you

even though they may be strangers.

He probably thinks this is America. Song, translate.

Oh...

I don't know.

I saw you nodding throughout it.

-I know Korean, though. Like bonjour. -His lips drooping down low.

Excuse me, Venerable. Please translate it into Thai.

We don't necessarily need to make merit only on religious occasions.

Because you actually can give everyday

if it's in your heart and soul.

You can make merit anytime and anywhere.

Don't pay too much attention to ceremonial occasions.

Look at it this way, everyday is the day you can do good.

The word "friend," as in friendship,

is so easy to write.

F-R-I-E-N-D. Friend.

But its meaning is much more profound.

Friends have to be dependable. Friends have to be trustworthy.

Friends have to be respectful.

Unlike friends who help each other abuse power

for personal gains in Thailand, who take advantage of each other,

fight and harm each other.

We are all Thais.

We are a democracy, under a constitution.

One's freedom is not more important than others'.

Everyone in this country is just as Thai.

So please bear that in mind.

I'm sorry. I thought I was...

Lady Liberty.

Sadhu.

Why always me?

Em, did you knock the clock down?

Finish up.

Let's welcome the newbies before I welcome them myself.

Have fun with that!

New monks?

New toys more likely.

God! Is it morning already?

I'll be late for alms-collecting.

I'm so late today.

They've probably been waiting.

It's my fault I woke up late. Now it's eight o'clock.

Up by eight, down by six.

This is six in the evening!

Phra Noi,

where have you been? Why are you back so late?

I was out for alms-collecting, but I mistook the time.

I thought it was morning, but it's actually evening.

What did you get? So we can have dinner.

Phra Search!

I'm not going to eat everything. I'll share it with you.

Stop joking,

I think those two idiots did it again.

It could've been worse. Don't be angry. Hey, that's the wrong turn, Phra Noi.

Oh, poor you.

When you're angry, you don't know what you're doing!

-Are you hungry? -Yes.

You're always joking!

-Who wants to be rich? -I do...

I don't care how funny he is. You still have to get rid of him.

Get rid of him?

Because he prevented us from stealing the Buddha's head. Right?

-Let's brainstorm. -Okay.

Well, Phra Noi,

you told the villagers not to make merit,

so nobody showed up.

I told them that they can do it every day, not just on religious holidays.

Right?

Yes.

It's all right. We eat to live, not live to eat.

So this... one egg...

we make it into quarter.

We probably have to eat shells.

I'm kidding, Father. I'll take care of this.

I'll be right back. Let's go, Ood.

I'll find something in the offering buckets.

-I'll pick mangoes from the trees. -No, I pick mangoes, you find buckets.

Just don't steal other people's mangoes, all right?

Okay.

What you looking at?

The egg.

You’ve never seen one?

-I have. -Why are you staring then?

I've just never seen one egg.

Did you find anything in the buckets?

They're not really edible.

Ood, give me some leeks.

Come on.

Hurry up!

Hey!

Why are you turning your cheek?

Didn't you ask me for my cheek?

How about I give you this?

I said leeks. Pass them over.

-Silly! -Leeks.

I thought you wanted to kiss me on the cheek.

That's for the Venerable Father only.

You're bound to hell for real.

Is there anything edible at all?

I found it!

Ood.

Looks yummy!

It's all foamy.

Smells tangy. We don't have to add lime juice.

Top it with chopped coriander and sliced shallots

There! There!

Garnish it!

A little lime juice just in case.

Your spicy mackerel tastes so good. Here, you can have it.

Here you go, Ood and Em.

-I did my best. -Tasty.

That means I'm a good chef.

-They said it's yummy. -Why don't eat it on a plate?

A monk with no etiquette?

We're eating, for heaven's sake.

Oh...

Sadhu.

How can you bow down to a monk like that?

He has a lover.

Why are you looking at me? It's not me.

A pregnant lover.

And he doesn't take responsibility. He knocked her up and left.

You look like you don't believe me.

I have proof.

Come on, show them your belly.

Tell us who got you pregnant

before fleeing to the temple. Which one?

Phra Search is the father of my baby!

That one?

You almost gave me a heart attack.

I thought it was the last one.

If that's the one, you could have died, you know?

How did you get knocked up by a monk?

I don't remember.

Think about it, people.

He got her pregnant, and then he became a monk?

Calm down. Calm down.

How can you call yourself a man? You take no responsibility.

You think this is right? Running away to be monk?

I won't let you get away so easily.

My child, I've been taking care her...

-Is this real or fake? -It's fake.

Snake! Snake!

Get out!

I'm not enlightened yet. I still have fear.

Go away, bastards! You scared the monks.

-What the fuck did you guys do? -Go and do it at your father's house.

My apologies, Venerable.

It was a misunderstanding.

How about tomorrow I'll come back with offerings?

Please don't. Leave now.

-Dammit. -That's a spittoon, Father.

-Why are you standing here? -Go!

-Go! -Go!

-Shall I spray on him? -Yes, Venerable.

My boxer has a big match tomorrow.

Please bless him with holy water.

Come closer.

-There's going to be100,000 people. -When is his fight?

-Tomorrow. -Right.

-You idiot! -What?

Turn it to the front.

Why didn't you tell me, asshole?

-Who? Me? -Him.

Turn it to the front.

I apologize, Father.

Right in my mole.

Fight clean. Separate means separate.

No under-belt punches, no fouls. Go to your corners.

He's not that scary. Come here.

I pay homage...

To the Exalted One, the Worthy One...

Hey! Get back in here. What are you afraid of?

Come on! Fight him with all your might!

Yeah! Like that!

First Round! Go!

Are you crazy? Are you a boxer?

You got a chance, just take it.

How can you always miss?

Don't be afraid. You're blessed with holy water.

What the heck?

What's going on out there?

Namaskar, Venerable.

I came with unlimited faith.

One hook says it all. Killer right hook, formidable left hook.

Not a single one hit the target.

Your boy dodged all the punches?

My boy took all the punches.

What? How could you win?

My boy got punched and had his shoulder dislocated.

Here comes the champion!

How about that?

-Come here! -I'm a champ!

-Come on! Come over here! -Champ!

Come right here.

Come greet the Venerable Father.

Champ! Champ!

Seriously? Were you hit by a truck?

Right?

-I think you should turn off the music. -All right.

Girls, turn it off!

Better. What you did is not right.

This is a temple. It's supposed to be peaceful.

Is it wrong to bring dancers in here?

Is it wrong? No, it's not. But it's not appropriate.

Our religion is corrupted

because people like you.

Lokavajja.

Oh...

a common sin.

You're all such a waste of time and money.

You never get anything done.

My client is waiting.

Maybe we should stop now.

No, we can’t! I already spent his money,

and took these imbeciles to the whorehouse.

If we quit now, we're screwed. We can do it.

Song, don't forget to invite sinsangs to our grave-clearing ceremony.

Yes, Father.

Father, what's the purpose of clearing graves?

We do it to take care of the bodies

that are the unidentified corpses.

Or basically,

we give them a funeral ceremony according to our religion.

And then we have to clear the graves for new bodies.

Whose new bodies?

Yours!

What about you?

I won't rot when I die.

Why? Cause you take cannabis?

-Ood. -What?

Check out the van driver's daughter.

She's so cute.

He's not a van driver. He's a film-making instructor.

-I'm sorry. -We really didn't know.

Why are these guys dressed like that?

What do you think?

Damn! Why are you so hostile? Do I pay you to growl at me?

Let's count to confirm they're all here.

One, two, three, four.

They're all here.

Father, where do we go after we die?

To the top of a skyscraper.

They bring you to a temple.

And after that?

They pray for you for three days or seven days, it depends.

What’s next?

After that, they cremate you.

The soul will leave to heaven if you're good, to hell if you're bad.

Father, I've been wondering. What's in heaven?

Angels.

-What else? -Celestial beings.

-What else? -Indra.

What else?

Boxing rings.

Why are there boxing rings?

To fight.

-Who fights who? -I fight you.

After heaven, what's next?

Phra Noi, I do not know since I haven't died yet.

Oh...

you're this old and still haven't died?

You play with them too, Phra Avatar?

They're already dead. Why do we have to dig them up?

This is important.

We all come together to dig up the bodies

so we can learn to let go.

Let go of the dead. Accept the fact that we are mortal.

When we're young and alive, we pamper ourselves with material things.

We value money and possessions.

But when we die, we cannot take anything with us,

not even if someone places a coin inside our mouth after we passed.

Because after cremating, everything turns to ashes.

As the old saying goes, we come from dust,

and we turn to dust.

What about scattering ashes over the sea?

They want to go swimming.

Phra Search, you've been ordained before.

Are they happy after they die?

I think they're quite happy.

Otherwise they'll probably be back.

You're funny. You think you're a comedian?

Who wants to be rich?

I do. I do.

Father, I think I can do better.

-What? -When do gays die?

When they are stabbed?

-When they look amazing. -How?

Slay, girl!

Are you done?

Slay!

Don't joke around with me again.

It's improper.

The ceremony's started. Stay focused.

"Holit."

-"Holit." -Pardon?

-"Holit." -What?

-Hold it. -Right.

"Yucadropi."

-"Yucadropi." -Pardon?

-"Yucadropi." -What?

You can drop it.

Why are you still holding it?

"Brimesacrero."

-"Brimesacrero." -Pardon?

Bring me the sacred rice.

"Bring me sacred rice." Can you say that?

Not "brimesacrero, brimesacrero."

Who can understand you?

-Why are you so angry? -What's the matter with you?

Here you go.

Bring me the holy water.

-Slowly please. -Yes.

Talk to me slowly and clearly.

Roll your "R" every time.

-"L" is "L." -Why did you roll it?

The "L" is rolling.

-There's no such thing. -Shut up!

This is the way we do it.

-You're wrong and still argue? -What's wrong with you?

-The holy water! -Yes, the holy water!

Confused?

How can I not? You're having so much fun.

I have my own chanting too.

Are you nuts?

Are we friends?

I'm your master.

Master is not my father.

Next time I'm going to muzzle you.

-Right there. -Yes, master.

Heck yeah!

I'm rich now!

I'm going to buy the whole temple.

Em! Ood! Where are you?

There's a map.

A treasure map! I'll be rich!

"I know you'll read this."

Bastard!

How did they die?

It looks so familiar. I saw it on TV.

Gecko, my ass! You idiot!

It's a bomb!

Bomb!

Boss, what do I do?

Boss!

Boss!

Dad!

My dad!

-How can they survive? -It's not working.

You think it's not working? Didn't you see?

It blew me up, idiot!

Ghost!

Em!

Ood!

I want to fart.

Hey!

They're those guys.

-The temple boys? -Yeah.

I told you.

We're men. We're not afraid of ghosts.

Right?

Stop playing!

Why are you scared?

Our teacher's face is scarier than ghosts.

-Boo! -Hey!

What are you doing?

Just kidding.

Headless ghost!

Headless ghost!

Teacher!

So cool!

They all ran away. They're scared of us.

Nailed it!

Clever plan!

-They ran away. -Good job! I like it!

Em?

Do you smell a cigarette?

Who smokes in the temple?

Ood! It's a hairless ghost!

Did he shave?

Hairless my ass. That's a headless ghost!

How can you get inside?

Don't talk to him, dammit!

I'm not staying!

So scary! A headless ghost!

What kind of messed up ghost will smoke cigarettes inside a temple?

What kinds of ghost do you want to see?

What kinds of ghost?

Lady Ta-khian?

I prefer Tani.

Lady Tani?

I know a chanting for Tani.

I call her for you.

Bananas withered at the tips

Gushing stream breaks them in halves

She carries them around

Bananas withered at the tips Gushing stream break in halves

One is left She carries it around

Bananas withered at the tips Gushing stream breaks them in halves

One is left She carries it around

Damn! This is the whole cluster!

-You bananas! -You withered!

-You rot fruit! -You bland!

-You tasteless! -Rot body!

-Green bitch! -Ugly banana!

-Yucky!

Stinky!

Damn, you twats!

I came here to scare you.

Not for you to insult me and leave me hanging, freaks!

You called us freaks, bitch?

-What's your problem? -Come on, fat ass!

I was a wife of a warrior, assholes!

My plan as a headless ghost works! They're all freaked out.

-Em and Ood? -They'll be here.

Trust me. They're not going anywhere.

They'll be scared shitless.

Just wait for my headless ghost.

Song, where are those two?

Relax!

-Where are they? -Goatface!

Song, you changed so fast.

And this mask? Do you think you can scare me?

Hey.

Give it to me straight.

-Are you a ghost or a man? -Ghost.

What a relief! I thought you were a man.

I'm screwed!

Where are you going? We haven't talked.

You're so stiff.

You're so stiff.

Hello, where you come from?

Chatting in English.

Why is it so hard?

I can go now!

Guava!

All this ghost nonsense,

we don't think it's real. There's no such thing as ghost.

-They don't exist? -No.

I'll catch one for you.

-Whatever. -Yeah.

-“Taemybae.” -Pardon?

-“Taemybae.” -What?

-Take my bag. -Dammit!

You should have just said that!

-It's the master's language. -Then that's your business.

You wait here.

I'll catch you a ghost.

So you'll know they're real.

You're here. I've been looking.

I'm going to catch you.

You want to fight?

Do you want to fight me?

She's so strong.

How dare you do this to a ghost?

Damn!

Embarrassing.

Gosh!

You scared all the pigments out of my face!

I'm not afraid of you, ghost.

-“Immanogho.” -Pardon?

-“Immanogho.” -What?

I'm not a ghost!

If you're not a ghost, then what are you?

-What? -"Imyomasta."

-Pardon? -"Imyomasta."

-What did you say? -I'm your master!

What master?

-I'm your master, not a ghost. -How dare you!

I told you I'm your master.

What master? You're not a master.

You liar! You're a ghost!

Master!

Why don't you just stomp me to death?

Fine.

I was being sarcastic.

-Hold this. -Careful.

Careful!

Come on! Your legs work fine. Why don't you help?

Stop complaining!

You're so good.

Father! Father!

We're damned!

Yeah, all those bowls are damned. What's going on?

We're damned! I came to tell... I forgot!

-What-- -I remembered!

The marble Buddha's head was cut off.

Hurry, Ood! He's here.

Hello, detective.

-Ood. -Look!

Hello, detective.

Come sit here, fat ass.

What bring you here, Venerable?

I want to report a crime.

What happened?

I want to report that the marble Buddha's head was cut off.

When did that happened?

-What time, Ood? -Late at night.

What time exactly?

-Around seven. -That was late?

-Eight? -Don't lie.

-Nine. -Don't...

-Ten. -Behave!

Eleven.

Well, I think

you two should have a talk before filing a report.

My face's all wet.

The marble Buddha's head was cut off.

And we lost ten...

Just ten Bahts? You don't have to file a report.

I can give it to you.

May Buddha bless you. You're so generous.

But that's a lot of money.

How is that a lot of money?

Ten alms-bowls full of money.

That's 75,000 Bahts in total.

Yeah, they're all gone.

Let's talk about the Buddha head.

How many were cut off?

Just one. He's not the great serpent with eight heads.

Hello?

Yes. I'm sorry, my friend.

You go to the warehouse.

So we can exchange.

Give me some time to prepare.

Okay.

Bye-bye!

This is Phra Noi.

Yes.

I need your help.

I need you to find the head of the marble Buddha.

It's the least we can do to protect our religion.

And that's the way to fight back.

May Buddha bless you.

Phra Noi!

Phra Noi!

Why are you revving up your motorcycle so loud?

It's improper.

Hey! The fact that you're making noise,

it means that your mind is not at peace.

Do you understand?

I'm telling you...

This is peace.

Venerable!

I need your help.

What's the matter, Phra Noi?

We have to bring back the marble Buddha's head.

Well, I'm in.

Em and Ood too.

I heard you take orders here?

-What type of order? -Buddha statues.

Who told you?

Lek, the owner of the drug called Jiu Jeng Pushen Jiao Nang.

-Do you know Master Tossaporn? -Master Tossaporn?

Go ahead.

There's a newfound Buddha statue floating up down the river.

The locals call him Father Nim.

I need the whole statue.

Father Nim.

My goodness!

It's too big! Can we cut off just the head?

No! They want the whole statue.

It's not that hard.

We cut it into three pieces.

Then put them back on.

No! That means defects!

Does it?

What do we do? It's too big for us to carry.

I have a wicked idea. Stuff like this, leave it to me.

We singe it with a candle to make it lightweight.

Then we put a stick through the bottom and carry it with no problem.

This is a Buddha statue, not a corn dog.

Believe me. I know the tricks.

-Really? -Try it.

Trust me.

Why is it so big though?

Sadhu...

There're a lot of mosquitoes.

Oh...

What's that?

I think the abbot is fast asleep and purrs in his sleep.

So we have nothing to worry about!

-Let's carry it. -Yeah.

-Put a stick through the bottom? -No.

Just carry it.

Father Nim is so fleshy.

Almost like human.

Yeah!

Oh...

Let's go! The abbot's probably awake!

Come on! Open the door!

Why does he keep purring?

Hurry up!

Play some music.

Father Nim!

My dad's going to be so rich.

-But he's really fleshy. -That's why he floated.

Why are you growling?

Let's show it to my dad.

Right.

Hello, Phra Noi.

This is me, Phra Yokyek.

I'm not sure. It was dark when we left.

But I know that they sang Bualoi on the way here.

I think you should sing Bualoi when you leave the temple.

I remembered which parts they turned left and right.

Okay?

Right.

I have to go now.

They're back.

Where is Father Nim?

It's so majestic!

Father Nim.

He's fleshy!

Is this a statue or a bun?

-Statue. -Buddha statue?

-Authentic one. -Okay. Great.

You did a great job.

This is the first time you accomplished something.

-Close the door. -Close it.

Careful.

Cross the bridge and go straight.

Bualoi, my dear friend

Why did you have to leave me so soon?

Bualoi, where are you now? Do know how I miss you

Bualoi

Bualoi!

Wait for me!

After "how I miss you, Bualoi," you'll see a roundabout.

Keep to the right and straight ahead.

Bualoi was a young lad with lazy eyes A hunchback and awkward nature

He might be far from beautiful But he had a heart of gold

He's with you when you're lonely He cooked for you when you're hungry

He took care of you when you're weary

Bringing you medicine to ease your pain

Bualoi was drafted

Though handicapped He's still can be a soldier

Wait for me! I'm going to out speed you, watch me!

Go straight, Phra Noi.

After the solo finishes, you'll be here.

He could put up with anything

He's helpful to those in need

He shared your sufferings Not just in for his happiness

Okay.

Bye-bye.

Boss! Boss!

We're going to be super rich!

-They came to deliver the statue. -Where?

-Outside. Give me your hand. -My hand is here.

-No wonder it doesn't have nail. -They fell off.

-Sorry. That's why it's flabby. -They fell off.

Here comes the money!

Money? That's prison! Let's go now!

Who invited them?

Wait for me, assholes!

Hey!

Run! Father! Run!

-What? -Come on!

-You should stay there. -Don't pull! We don't have undies.

This way!

Jerk!

-What? -You startled me!

Got a rope?

Damn! I'm so amazing!

Take this!

Do you want to fight?

Come on!

Damn!

I still want to fly my kites!

Back off!

Come!

I'll give you another try.

Come!

This is your last chance.

I'm not going to let you walk away.

Who hit me?

Damn! That hurts!

Carabao Daeng contains B12. Drink it to nourish your brain.

Spread out and search this whole place.

What do we do?

Here we go.

Follow me if you don't want to get caught.

-Look thoroughly. -I found it.

Unlimited faith!

Your number one follower is here to help!

Thank you. Well done!

You're dead!

Don't hit me.

I didn't do it. You did it.

Cool moves.

Search! Search!

What? You're not funny anymore?

-Who wants to be rich? -I do. I do.

Gun me like this.

If anything happens, nobody will laugh.

Calm down.

Don't come any closer, or I shoot!

Killing is a sin. It's against the first precept.

This is a monk, not an animal.

Please put the gun down.

It's never too late. You can still be forgiven.

Angulimala is a ruthless murderer. But he quits and turns to Dharma.

He's ordained and becomes enlightened.

That's nonsense.

Have you ever heard the story about a python and a chicken?

A python coils around an egg without knowing that it's a chicken egg.

Finally a baby chicken hatches out of the egg.

The python, however, doesn't eat the baby.

considering the baby her own child.

The baby is not afraid of the python, considering her mother.

They live together.

One day, the python and the chicken go separate ways to find food.

The chicken runs into a fox.

The chicken says, "May all beings be free from exploiting each other."

The fox doesn't listen.

"Chickens are food. I must eat it"

The chicken has an idea. "Oh, my mother is a serpent!"

The chicken jumps at the fox and coils it to death!

And that is how things are.

Everybody's so touched.

Phra Noi.

How can a chicken coil up the fox?

Come!

Hey!

You're amazed, right?

Amazed by me!

Amazed at your accent.

-Shut up! -Venerable!

Don't worry about atama.

No!

Venerable, don't worry about me!

How can I not, my friend?

Just shoot him! Don't worry about me! Come on!

-Shoot him! -Stop struggling or I hit you in the head.

Song! Let the police do his job!

Why are you stuffing a Buddha statue?

Shoot him!

No!

You not only look alike, but are also stupid!

Song!

No! Ood!

-Em! -Em!

Em!

I'm screwed!

Not dead, but close enough.

Is this what you want?

Damn! Every one of your bullets hit me!

Such a good shot!

I heard of spitting lies with the amulet in a mouth.

But you're spitting bullets!

Song! You are so damn stupid!

Hey!

-Avenge him for me. -Sure.

-Is he dead? -What's wrong with you people?

Why are you handcuffing me? I didn't do anything wrong.

-You're caught red-handed. -I did nothing wrong!

-Let's go. -You did nothing wrong?

-Commander... -Let me go.

-...avenge him for me. -Sure.

-Thank you! -I did nothing wrong!

-Will they shoot me again? -Let me go!

Stop growling at us! Move!

A Buddha statue in a distress posture.

Father!

-Hello! -I'm so glad!

-Father! -There! There!

Thank you, Ad.

-It's nothing, Venerable. We're friends. -Right.

Do you know the way out? You can sing Bualoi backwards.

What do we do?

-You're funny, Venerable. -Yeah, right.

Loibua!

I think we'd better not. Let's go eat noodles!

-And rice with pork too. -Yeah.

Thank you.

Hurry up! We'll be late!

Please get in.

Can I sit with you?

-Come in, come in. -Scooch over.

Close the doors.

Come on.

Close the back doors.

-We're ready. Let's go. -Yeah.

-Hey! -What?

-Are you really going to do that? -I'm wearing a hat, I'm not joking.

It's nothing to do with hat. If you do it, I hit you real hard.

Let's go. We have to pick up another one.

You just hit me in the groin! You...

-It's here. -Stop grabbing mine.

What?

I don't think we should get in. There are a lot of dogs.

Dogs don't bite monks.

They know who's good and who's bad.

They don't bite monks, right?

-Right. -But I'm not a monk. What should I do?

I'm not a monk.

Tell them you're a temple boy. They know that, they won't bite.

-Follow me. -Yeah, they won’t bite.

Go!

Oh...

dogs really don't bite monks.

True. They just chewed off our robes.

Hey! Song! Song!

Hey! Goonsong!

Don't believe what you see.

Don't believe what you hear.

Don't believe that dogs don't bite monks.

This is proof.

So don't believe the things you see

and don't believe the things you hear

and don't believe that dogs don't bite monks.

May Buddha bless you.