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1
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,511
I'm not sure how I feel about
2
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,546
you guys blowing on my table
for two hours.
3
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:13,714
I can't talk now.
4
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,049
Must save breath!
Yes!
5
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,084
(laughs)
6
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,085
(groans):
Oh.
7
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:20,354
Feeling a little light-headed.
8
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,290
(high-pitched):
Awesome.
9
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:23,424
Hi.
Hi.
10
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:24,692
Here's something
addressed to you
11
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,094
from Genesee High School.
12
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,228
You guys were
the Bombers, huh?
13
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:31,765
I like those cute little
smiley bomb mascots you have.
14
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:34,635
Yeah, our hometown is where
they made all the nuclear bombs.
15
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:39,073
A little less cute now.
16
00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:39,773
ZACK:
Dude, sweet.
17
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,775
It's our five-year reunion.
18
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:43,711
Five-year reunion?
19
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:44,812
What's the point of that?
20
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,414
It's only fun
if more time has passed,
21
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,815
and everyone's made
a bunch of terrible choices.
22
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,217
Then you see
some real disasters.
23
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:51,652
You know, people whose lives
24
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,387
aren't going anywhere.
25
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:01,829
Or maybe five years
is long enough.
26
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,398
We'll have fun!
27
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,634
Oh. Uh, we?
28
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,802
Oh, I just thought you and I...
No, that's fine.
I just thought...
29
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:10,504
Do you not want me to?
No, I just
assumed you...
30
00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:11,772
'Cause, I mean, I...
Because we all...
31
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:14,575
I mean, I was just...
32
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,845
I'm sorry,
I was just trying to fit in.
33
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:22,350
Look, if-if you want to go,
I want you to go.
34
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:23,817
Great.
35
00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:25,153
So wait, I'm going, right?
36
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,554
Yeah, yeah.
37
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,125
(groans)
38
00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:33,527
I am so large!
39
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:34,462
All right, I give up.
40
00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,330
Punch two arm holes
in a shower curtain
41
00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:38,166
and let's just do this.
42
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:41,169
Sweetie, you barely fit
into the closet
43
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,137
that you're pulling clothes
out of.
44
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:45,539
Why would you invite yourself
45
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:47,141
to his high school reunion?
46
00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:48,842
Why don't any of these shoes
fit my feet?
47
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,678
Oh, what's happened is,
your feet
48
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:54,548
are growing to support the extra
pressure from your massive body.
49
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:56,684
It's nature's way of
50
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,386
keeping you from toppling over.
(chuckles)
51
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:01,322
But in anticipation
of this problem,
52
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,191
we did a little
inventive shopping.
53
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,258
Oh, yes.
54
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:06,927
We bought you a pair of shoes
in your new size.
55
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,163
"Discreet Transition."
56
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:11,765
That's a tranny store.
57
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:15,336
I'm not gonna wear
tranny shoes!
58
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,471
That is a line
I will not cross.
59
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:20,541
Oh, my God,
these are really cute.
60
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:21,542
And so are you.
61
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:24,312
And so, in case
you have a moment of insecurity,
62
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,214
I want you take
this pre-pregnancy photo
63
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,216
out of your purse
and look at it,
64
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,683
because you will look
like this again.
65
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:30,851
(sighs)
66
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,220
Except your feet.
67
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,187
And your boobies.
68
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:34,355
(laughs)
69
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,324
Oh, and your lady business. Ooh!
70
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:38,459
All right,
you stay out
71
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,627
of my lady business.
72
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:40,794
I'm gonna be fine.
73
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,330
I'm gonna be
more than fine.
74
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:44,798
I am going to make this
Saturday night my bitch.
75
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:47,768
Wait. Saturday night?
76
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,970
That's when you said
you'd host that cocktail party
77
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,206
so that I can sell
my Acai Magna.
78
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,308
Saturday night's my bitch.
79
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,645
What is Acai Magna?
80
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,180
Oh, what a good question,
Olivia.
81
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:06,887
If I told you I
had a miracle juice
82
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,623
that could deliver antioxidants
and help fight free radicals,
83
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,725
how much would you
be willing to pay?
84
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,261
$600?
85
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,962
(blows raspberries)
$800?
86
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,264
I promise.
(sighs)
87
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:19,533
Use this for one night, and you
will feel relaxed, energized,
88
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,402
with a huge smile
on your face.
89
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,971
Where do I put the batteries?
90
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,843
Oh. Grow up.
Grow up.
91
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,413
* I can't be anything
without you. *
92
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:35,449
Captioning sponsored by
CBS TELEVISION
93
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:42,856
Come on, come on.
94
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,858
All right, what's the game?
95
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,595
Okay, it's called Awakenings,
like the movie.
96
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,698
Yeah. Just stare off into space,
work up a little drool
97
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,501
and try to catch the ball
without looking at it.
98
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,536
All right.
99
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,909
(laughs)
100
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,044
Dude, I can't believe
101
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,779
you invited Billie
to the reunion.
102
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,448
Oh, me, neither.
How'd that happen?
103
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,717
One minute I'm innocently
blowing a pencil across a table,
104
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,018
next thing I know,
105
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,287
I'm at the reunion
with my pregnant girlfriend,
106
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,489
proving all
the guidance counselors right.
107
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:17,591
Well, uh,
108
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,527
what did you tell Billie
about Melissa?
109
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,429
Nothing. What was
I gonna tell her?
110
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,697
"Oh, hey, Billie, let
me tell you about
my ex-girlfriend,
111
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:25,766
the bikini model who
writes me on Facebook."
112
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,568
"Oh, yeah,
and here she is in Maxim
113
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,936
wearing a snake as a thong."
114
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,573
Listen, Melissa
is ancient history,
115
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,942
and regardless of how intense
it was, it's over.
116
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,610
Also, I checked
her Facebook status,
117
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,912
and she's in Guatemala
getting photographed naked
118
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,781
on a Mayan pyramid.
119
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:44,352
You know, I bet if the Mayans
knew she was coming,
120
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,553
they would have stuck around.
121
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,622
You guys, I cannot wait
till this reunion.
122
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,458
It's going to be crazy.
123
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,427
Why would you come
to the reunion?
124
00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,828
You didn't go
to our high school.
125
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,530
Our black guy's name
wasn't Ryan.
126
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,733
Because I'm a reunion-crasher.
127
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,570
I mean, open bar, free food
128
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,338
and sad girls realizing
129
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,540
that the grand scheme
just isn't working out
130
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:09,710
so now they're desperately
looking for a plan B.
131
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,614
And that plan B is me.
132
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,783
All right, Davis,
you're up, man. You ready?
133
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,586
All right. Let me show you
how a pro does this.
134
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,621
(sniffs, sighs)
135
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,491
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
136
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,725
Oh!
137
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:25,926
(cries)
138
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,961
Damn it!
139
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,503
Zack?
140
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,471
I'm so glad
you made it!
141
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:38,839
Tracy?
142
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,140
"Tracy DeLace.
143
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,642
Hot except
her fa..."
144
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,043
How are you?
145
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,145
Uh, this is my, uh,
girlfriend, Billie.
146
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,648
Hi. I'm here to give
the anti-teen pregnancy talk.
147
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,916
I'm just kidding.
148
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,918
It's a miracle.
149
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:54,588
So, Zack, do you still keep
in touch with Melissa?
150
00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:56,624
Melissa?
151
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,792
I don't really
remember Melissa.
152
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:00,561
You don't remember
your girlfriend
153
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,463
for all four years
of high school?
154
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,565
You guys were
inseparable.
155
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:07,100
Remember those T-shirts
that said Zalissa on the front?
156
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:10,704
Get it? Like Brangelina,
except Zack and Melissa.
They were really cute.
157
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,906
Remember when you got
your period in gym class?
158
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,443
Memories, huh?
159
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,478
I'll see you
out there.
160
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,615
H-Hey, Tracy.
161
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,517
I see you switched to
the smaller-sized glasses
162
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:24,852
since we graduated.
163
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,854
Hello, Davis.
164
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,690
I was just doing some
reading about you in
the girls' bathroom.
165
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,859
That's still there?
166
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,861
It's not true, okay?
167
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,597
Everything seems smaller to
those volleyball amazons.
168
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,033
Hi.
169
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,201
Uh...
170
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,637
What? Come on, girl,
you don't remember me?
171
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,573
It's me.
172
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,043
Jabari.
173
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:52,746
Okay, here's a hint.
174
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,882
I was the black kid
in your math class.
175
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,984
Oh, of course you were.
176
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,586
I'm so sorry.
177
00:06:58,619 --> 00:06:59,687
Sorry?
178
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,455
Yeah, I heard
that before.
179
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,925
Wow. So this is your gym.
180
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,193
Who's Melissa?
181
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:08,496
Oh, she was this
nut job I dated.
182
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:11,231
She was definitely not pretty
enough to justify the crazy.
183
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,801
You know, a seven in looks,
but with an eleven's crazy.
184
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:14,968
Not like you, though.
185
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,604
You could be locked
in a padded room,
186
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,171
and you could pull it off
because you're so hot.
187
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:20,508
Where is that
bartender?
188
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:23,744
So, do you still have
the Zalissa T-shirt?
189
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,613
It's a cute nickname.
190
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:27,881
Maybe we should have shirts
made up for us.
191
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,750
We could call ourselves Zillie.
192
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,751
Or Back.
193
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:31,985
(laughs)
194
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,921
I'm not uncomfortable.
195
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,589
Hey! Mrs.
Leeds!
196
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,024
It's me,
197
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,792
Liz, from
your homeroom!
198
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:40,994
It's so good
to see you again!
199
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,763
Um...
No.
200
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,632
Yeah...
You guys,
it's Mrs. Leeds!
201
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:45,933
She rocks!
202
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:49,670
Oh, my God, Mrs. Leeds,
are you pregnant?
203
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:52,873
I am not Mrs. Leeds,
and please stop shouting that.
204
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,909
This is my
girlfriend, Billie.
205
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,612
Oh. I'm so sorry.
206
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,714
You look exactly like
Mrs. Leeds, though.
207
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:01,882
Well, I'm not.
208
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,183
Don't worry about it, though.
209
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,753
People on the street
stop me all the time
210
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,087
and mistake me
for Mrs. Leeds.
211
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,856
They also mistake me
for Uma Thurman.
212
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,624
Why don't you start
shouting that?
213
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:11,659
(laughs)
214
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,260
Who's Uma Thurman?
215
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,461
Hmm.
216
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,765
By the way, Mrs. Leeds was
the hottest teacher in school.
217
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,770
Well, ladies,
218
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,773
as I was saying,
acai is Peruvian
219
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,174
for glow.
220
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,109
And boat.
221
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:31,111
So,
222
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:33,981
who would like to be the first
to place an order
223
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,683
for this life-giving
miracle juice?
224
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:38,752
ABBY:
Okay.
225
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:41,589
(teary):
Well, I just need
to check on something
226
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:44,057
in the kitchen.
227
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:47,961
Oh, Abby, Abby, Abby.
228
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,963
I'm just gonna hit the road.
229
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,234
I'm in big trouble, Olivia.
230
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,703
I took
231
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,070
the money that Nick was saving
232
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,739
to buy
that really fancy telescope,
233
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,273
thinking that
I would make it back,
234
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,042
plus enough
for a vacation at Sandals.
235
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,811
Now Nick won't get
his telescope,
236
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,813
and there won't be hugging
under a waterfall.
237
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:08,649
And when I say hugging,
I mean intercourse.
238
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,350
All right. Look, calm down.
239
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,653
I think I can help you out here.
240
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,756
All right, now this
cranberry juice
241
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:18,058
just needs a little bit
of a kick, okay?
242
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,093
So... Aha.
243
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:21,595
Nothing like a little bit
of vodka
244
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,763
to grease the wheels
of commerce.
245
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:25,065
It isn't cranberry juice,
246
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,000
and changing the product
is not ethical.
247
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:28,702
Look, do you want
to have intercourse
248
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:29,870
under a waterfall or not?
249
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,773
I do. I so do.
250
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:33,941
Then get pouring.
251
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,745
It's really etched in there.
252
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,179
Mm.
253
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,982
If it takes me all night, I'm
gonna scrape this thing out,
254
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,216
because it's not true, okay?
255
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,652
I'm, I'm normal.
256
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:45,986
I am perfectly proportional
for my frame.
257
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,758
Nah, man, these keys
aren't gonna cut it.
258
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,760
You got anything bigger?
259
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,629
My bad.
260
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:56,997
*
261
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,999
Hey, if we were in high school
at the same time,
262
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,801
we'd probably be an item, huh?
263
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,302
Oh, yeah,
I'd hit that.
(giggles)
264
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,271
So romantic.
265
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,339
You'd carry my books
for me...
266
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,474
Make out under
the bleachers.
267
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:10,277
And then you'd tell your friends
we did more than we did.
268
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,680
And then I'd be all mad
at you 'cause you said that.
269
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,948
But then I'd do it anyway
just to get back at my parents.
270
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,316
Mm-hmm.
271
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,353
Zack?
272
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,925
It is you!
273
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,994
You look so grown up!
274
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:31,832
Hey, Melissa,
you look...
275
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:32,966
Hey, Melissa!
276
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,836
Uh, Melissa,
this is my
277
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,004
girlfriend, Billie.
278
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,405
And Billie,
this is Melissa,
279
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,774
who was not supposed
to be here.
280
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,075
My modeling shoot
in Guatemala
281
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,877
got cancelled
at the last minute.
282
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,779
There was, like,
a "coop" or something.
283
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:47,781
I think it's
pronounced coup.
284
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,917
You're very wise.
285
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,886
Anyway, it's just so
good to see you.
286
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,956
I love your hair
like this.
287
00:10:55,989 --> 00:11:00,227
And I love your
hands like this.
288
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,862
Did Zack tell you the story
289
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,831
about how I got him those
three tattoos on his arm?
290
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,799
No. Did he tell
you the story
291
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:08,969
about how he got me pregnant,
and we're living together?
292
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,738
Actually, he did.
293
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:11,872
We've been staying
in touch on Facebook.
294
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,273
Did you see
those pictures
295
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,709
I posted from spring break
in Lake Havasu?
296
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:18,145
Oh, my God, we looked so young!
297
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,781
Can you excuse us
just for one second?
298
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:21,982
Sure.
299
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,250
Love your shoes, by the way.
300
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,785
Oh, thank you.
301
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,319
My Aunt Steven
has the same pair.
302
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,290
I really like her!
303
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,092
You see, this is why I
didn't want to bring you.
304
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,728
I knew it. I knew you
didn't want to bring me!
305
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:39,466
No, I think you are hot and
awesome and I love you, okay?
306
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:42,803
I just thought that this
might be a rough night for you.
307
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,004
And guess what?
308
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,172
It's a rough night for you.
309
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,008
Why didn't you just
tell me about Melissa?
310
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,843
Because I didn't know
she was gonna be here!
311
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:52,179
Well, it was a good thing
that she was,
312
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,413
or I never would've
found out
313
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,448
about your secret
Facebook relationship.
314
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:56,817
It's not a relationship.
315
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:57,951
She sends me hot
photos of herself,
316
00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:00,020
and I forward them
to my friends.
317
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,488
I'm joking.
318
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,091
See, tell me she doesn't
319
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,959
look like an older,
pregnant Mrs. Leeds.
320
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,194
Shut it down, Liz.
321
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:23,944
Isn't it crazy how much fatter
people can get after five years?
322
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,545
Trip McCullough's shirt
323
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,380
looks like it's trying
to choke him to death.
324
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:31,551
I know, and did you see that
woman that Zack came with?
325
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,221
I didn't even know
you could have a baby
when you're that old.
326
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,289
You're such a bitch.
327
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,858
You are.
328
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,192
Let's go make out
with each other
329
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:41,094
to get boys' attention.
330
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:48,936
You're so pretty.
331
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,071
I do the same
thing sometimes.
332
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,906
(screams)
(gasps)
(thud)
333
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,410
Hey, Jabari,
having fun?
334
00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:00,814
Are you kidding me, Tracy?
335
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:03,483
Jabari brings
the party with him!
336
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:05,152
You know what's weird?
337
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,353
I was talking to some people,
338
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:09,089
and they reminded me
about your accident.
339
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,158
Didn't you lose an arm?
340
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,393
Yes, he did.
341
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:17,898
Show her your prosthetic
arm, Jabari.
342
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,103
This here's a good one.
343
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,838
It's Swiss.
344
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:27,574
I can make my fingers move
with my mind waves.
345
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,343
Watch the pinky.
346
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,446
But it's got no
feeling in it.
347
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,348
Watch, we love
doing this.
348
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:41,588
Isn't that incredible?
349
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,991
Cool! Well, I have to
check some more people in.
350
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,125
So, I'll see
you guys later.
351
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,329
That was so much fun!
352
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,530
We rock!
353
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:51,631
Uh-huh!
354
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,234
Ooh, how much money
did we make?
355
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,003
Oh, well,
I made $3,000,
356
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:59,072
and you made a friend
for life.
(forced chuckle)
357
00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:02,042
I don't need a friend,
I need $1,500.
358
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,544
I want my cut, lady.
359
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:07,447
Don't make me go all
Glasgow on your ass.
360
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:11,151
Okay, but I made the
initial investment, so...
361
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:14,121
Yes, which you were about to
lose before I stepped in, so...
362
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:17,157
Okay, you know what?
363
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,492
I am sure there is a way
we can figure to split the money
364
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,461
that will be fair
for both of us.
365
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,096
But first, a toast.
366
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,603
Oh.
367
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:35,943
To good friends doing honest
business with each other.
368
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:40,981
(clears throat)
369
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:44,317
Ha.
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
370
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:45,919
Now stop wasting good booze
in that plant
371
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,154
and pour me another one.
372
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,591
Davis, what are you doing
in the girls' room?
373
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,026
With a knife?!
374
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,195
Oh, yeah, well,
375
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,197
somebody carved
"Davis has a small penis"
376
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,431
in the bathroom stall,
377
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,400
but, uh, I took care of that.
378
00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:06,173
(sighs)
379
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,241
Don't worry about
what those girls said, okay?
380
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:09,642
After seeing Melissa,
381
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,444
I could tell why Zack
didn't want me here.
382
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,180
Don't worry about
Melissa, okay?
383
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,048
She's half the
woman you are.
384
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,517
I don't really want to
get into it, but, uh,
385
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,720
that girl does not know
the meaning of the words,
386
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,422
"I'm in a relationship."
387
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,426
Start talking or
I'm gonna scream
388
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:29,196
"That guy with the
tiny penis has a knife!"
389
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,364
All right.
390
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:35,068
When Zack and Melissa
were dating,
391
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:39,672
she cheated on him with
this really disgusting guy.
392
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,108
Me.
393
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,243
Davis!
394
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,145
I know, it's like the worst
thing I've ever done in my life,
395
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,714
but they were, they were going
through this rough patch,
396
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:51,518
and she came over to my house,
all hurt and vulnerable.
397
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,121
Her thin blouse
clinging to her supple...
398
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,723
Davis.
Yes?
399
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,158
And Zack doesn't know?
400
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,160
No, no, no one does.
401
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:03,030
I mean, it never really seemed
like the right time to tell him
402
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:07,234
because he's always been so much
bigger and stronger than me.
403
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,202
But that's not the point,
okay; this girl Melissa,
404
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,271
she has no boundaries,
she's got no ethics.
405
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,739
So, if I was you,
406
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,207
I'd slap on some lipstick
and fix up your hair and...
407
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:16,076
You don't like my hair?
408
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:19,246
I think it's fun.
Yeah, it's a blast.
409
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:22,149
Now, get out there and show
her what you're made of.
410
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:25,218
I'm not going to walk out there
and make an ass of myself.
411
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:30,257
Billie, Melissa's moving
back to San Francisco.
412
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,225
(sighs)
413
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:33,393
Well, if I'm gonna
kick some ass,
414
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,162
at least I'm wearing
men's shoes.
415
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,729
(exhales)
416
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,134
(driving rock beat plays)
417
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,656
Are these turkey sliders?
418
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,292
Oh!
419
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:06,759
Mmm...
420
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,361
(growls)
421
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,699
*
422
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:28,315
Why are you kissing
Donny Shapiro?
423
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:33,753
Dude, I just
kissed Mrs. Leeds!
424
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,591
(sighs)
425
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:43,096
Boy, that Donny Shapiro
had a long tongue.
426
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:45,232
Look, it's, it's my fault, okay?
427
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,599
I should have told you
about Melissa.
428
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,668
I was worried you were
going to be jealous.
429
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,171
And she's young and hot,
she's got a great body...
430
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,173
Skip to the end,
skip to the end.
431
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:54,541
But...
432
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:57,410
But there's nothing for you
to be jealous about.
433
00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:58,545
Okay? I mean,
434
00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,879
I never trusted her.
435
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,781
I never felt safe with her
the way I feel with you.
436
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:08,555
I feel the same way about you.
437
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:12,325
It feels so good to be open
and honest with each other.
438
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:15,262
(clearing throat)
439
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,166
Zack, I have something
I need to tell you.
440
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,368
Yeah?
441
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,336
Remember in junior year,
when you and Melissa got in that
442
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,472
massive fight
at Rob O'Donnel's house,
443
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,640
and then you kind of bailed?
444
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,909
Well, I was consoling her,
you know, 'cause she was really,
445
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:35,448
really, really sad and, uh,
the really weird thing is...
446
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,351
we cheated on you.
447
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,454
Yeah, dude,
you tell me every year
448
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:43,490
when you get drunk
on Jewish Forgive Me Day.
449
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:48,861
I slept with Melissa, man.
450
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,731
She just kept coming at me.
451
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:54,734
I was like "Oy, vey!"
452
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,340
Oh.
453
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,274
Did you forgive me?
454
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:02,842
Not the first year.
455
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,677
The first year
I beat the crap out of you.
456
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:07,380
That was you?
457
00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:10,217
Man, I reported that
as a hate crime.
458
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:13,486
Well, I think the
most important thing
459
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,488
that we take away
from all of this
460
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:18,658
is that forgiveness is divine.
461
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:22,161
And Melissa
is a skanky ho.
462
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:34,474
I never knew that
about Bette Davis.
(panting)
463
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,843
Jabari, that was amazing.
464
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:39,212
That hand is really flexible.
465
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:43,216
Yeah, those Swiss really know
how to make a nice arm.
466
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:47,587
Look, I really want to see you
again, so here's my number,
467
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,889
and, uh, so you don't lose it.
468
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,924
(screams)
469
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:57,730
I'm gonna call you, girl.
470
00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,899
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