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1
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,108
What's this?
2
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:09,143
It's for Billie.
3
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:11,445
BILLIE:
Oh, a reward for climbing
all those stairs.
4
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,120
Maybe I'll just go home.
5
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:22,256
Oh, my God,
it's the crib!
6
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:23,257
Zack!
7
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:24,392
Okay, let me get that.
8
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:28,662
Dude, a little help?
9
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,666
She's not carrying
my baby... yet.
10
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:38,339
Oh, my God,
this is so exciting.
11
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,840
The baby's going to live
in this crib
12
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,210
for the first two years
of his life.
13
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:45,346
It's going to look so cute
when we put it all together...
14
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,685
Okay, looks good here for now.
15
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,856
And there it sat.
16
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,691
They ignored the box?
17
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,094
Oh, no, the box
got a lot of attention.
18
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:02,596
Oh, you're all
out of soda.
19
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:06,567
Better go downstairs
to get some more.
20
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:14,242
(yelling)
21
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:19,147
Oh, I should have seen it coming
after you did it to the UPS guy.
22
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:22,283
Dude, this box
was totally worth $400.00.
23
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:28,289
You think he ignored it to
make some sort of a statement?
24
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:31,259
No, I think he was genuinely
having fun with the box.
25
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:33,461
That's as deep as it gets.
26
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,563
Well, why don't I
just come over today
27
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,265
and help you put the crib
together?
28
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,266
No, no. He'll get to it.
29
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,734
That's one of the perks
of having a boyfriend.
30
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,336
Why don't you manipulate Zack?
31
00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:43,804
That's what I do with Nick.
32
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,839
He won't even realize
you're doing it.
33
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:48,176
It's like killing someone
with carbon monoxide.
34
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,544
They don't know
what's happening.
35
00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:55,149
It's just smile, smile, smile...
dead.
36
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:59,253
Smile, smile, smile--
you're freaking me out.
37
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,755
Oh, hello, boys.
38
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,157
Air kiss!
39
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:07,561
So why did you want us
to meet you at a gay bar?
40
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:09,330
This is a gay bar?
41
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,499
You'll find out
in a second.
42
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,401
Now, go and order us
another drink.
43
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:19,240
All right, Pusharella.
Excuse me.
44
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,242
Hold on, Mary,
I'll be with you in a second.
45
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,245
Ta-dah!
46
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:29,717
Oh, my God.
47
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,885
Thank you!
48
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:38,592
Oh, my God, I just realized
I'm working in a gay bar.
49
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:43,397
It's 9:00, you know
what that means!
50
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:50,704
Are you-- Are you
covered in baby oil?
51
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:53,241
It's Pam.
52
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,876
With a little rouge
around the nipples.
53
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:59,380
(music plays, whistles blow)
54
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:04,318
Now we know why phones
have a camera.
55
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,358
* I can't be anything
without you. *
56
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:13,394
Captioning sponsored by
CBS TELEVISION
57
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,235
Dude, you gotta, like, lift
some weights or something
58
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:22,470
'cause compared
to these other guys,
59
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,238
you look like
you're melting.
60
00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:26,474
Okay, be cool.
61
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:27,875
Please do not blow this for me.
62
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:28,876
These people think I'm gay.
63
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,244
Why do they think that?
64
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,980
Because I told them I was gay.
65
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,383
You don't have to be gay
to work in a gay bar.
66
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,418
(sighs)
I know that now.
67
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,489
Look, my rent went up,
I need the extra cash
68
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:43,291
and the tips
are amazing here.
69
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:46,260
And I'm good with anything
up to second base.
70
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,829
Excuse me!
71
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,299
Need some "make me feel better"
juice over here.
72
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:54,568
I hope for your sake,
he's talking about a drink.
73
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,272
Coming, Jerome.
74
00:03:58,306 --> 00:03:59,540
I love this place.
75
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,575
How come we don't come
here all the time?
76
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:04,445
I do. I come here
with my gay friends once a week.
77
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:07,748
I couldn't look like
this without them.
78
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,617
Trust me. You should
have seen me before.
79
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:17,658
If you're not Scottish,
you're a complete disaster.
80
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:18,926
I am Scottish.
81
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,462
Then there's still
a little hope for you.
82
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,798
So you met a gay guy
in the street
83
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,967
and that's how you became
so fashionable?
84
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,469
Oh, yeah.
Before she met Trent,
85
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:31,339
she looked
like a baked potato in a kilt.
86
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,507
Trent took pity on me.
87
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,309
I want a gay friend.
88
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:38,579
I found out at work,
they call me "Drabby Abby."
89
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,481
And sometimes when we go late,
90
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,550
they call me
"Crabby, Drabby Abby."
91
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,818
And when it's that time
of the month, and I'm bloated--
92
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,954
Oh, wait,
let me guess, "Flabby"?
93
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,490
Yes. "Flabby, Crabby,
Drabby Abby."
94
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:51,291
I don't understand.
95
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,394
I mean, look at this
cute little sweater set
96
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,063
I got at the silent auction
at my church.
97
00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,368
Maybe a little gay
couldn't hurt.
98
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:15,449
Billie.
99
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,050
(yells in surprise)
100
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,721
Notice anything different
about the living room?
101
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:23,957
No, why?
What would be different?
102
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,058
Come on, admit it,
it was bothering you
103
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,428
that I left the crib in the
middle of the living room.
104
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:32,433
No, I thought it was delightful.
Okay.
105
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,967
Well, I took care of it.
106
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:41,141
Wow, you moved the box.
107
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,977
Yup. Moved it
all by myself.
108
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,580
I'm gonna need
a little back rub later.
109
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:51,118
Oh, that's so
what I want to do to you.
110
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:53,621
So, this baby's coming.
111
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,956
We're getting close, huh?
112
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,157
Yeah.
113
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,359
You weigh a lot.
114
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,836
You think we're ready?
115
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,071
You think
everything's ready?
116
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:13,441
I guess so.
Would you dig in there?
117
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:14,875
When I turned the corner
to the nursery,
118
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:15,976
I think I really
pulled something.
119
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,412
Old Frisbee injury.
120
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,550
Yeah.
121
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,518
I guess the nursery's
not quite there yet,
122
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,053
but what's the difference,
really?
123
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:26,920
I mean, the baby's probably
124
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,956
just going to be
sleeping with us, right?
125
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,958
Mm-hmm.
126
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,727
What?
127
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:36,864
Well, yeah, if you don't get
a baby in a crib pretty early,
128
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,199
it sort of gets used
to sleeping in the bed.
129
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,734
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
130
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,637
You mean i-in this bed?
131
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:47,875
In our bed, with us?
132
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,811
Yeah, I mean a lot of people
do a family bed, you know,
133
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,646
where the kid just sleeps
with the parents.
134
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:56,049
For how long?
135
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,085
I don't know, could be years.
136
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,922
*
137
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,221
You know what we gotta do?
138
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,489
We gotta get that crib together.
139
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:42,062
Smile, smile, smile... dead.
140
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:48,902
Am I a terrible person
for manipulating him?
141
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,604
No!
142
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:53,574
Oh, good, 'cause I was
fantastic at it.
143
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:56,944
Manipulation is one of the best
tools in the lady toolbox.
144
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,712
Along with the vagina.
145
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,248
Oh!
146
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,517
Abby, I have got
a surprise for you.
147
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:04,618
Really?! What?
148
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,086
Hi. I'm Bob.
149
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,622
Is this my...
Mm-hmm.
150
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,658
Oh, my God, you're gay!
151
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,192
He sure is.
152
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,595
Bob, this is Abby.
Abby, this is Bob.
153
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:17,931
Now, Bob is a Scorpio, he has
a ferret named George Clooney,
154
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:19,767
and he makes a mean
French onion soup.
155
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:20,868
So, you can...
156
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,570
The secret is
to melt the Gruyère
157
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,271
with a little baby torch.
158
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,607
I feel like my life
is changing already!
159
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,279
So anyway, Larry, the ex,
160
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,814
still has some stuff
at my house.
161
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,883
He wants to come
by and pick it up.
162
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,585
So should I not be there?
163
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:40,788
Or should I be there
(whispers) completely naked?
164
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:43,757
Oh, Jerome, Jerome, Jerome,
165
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:46,193
I hate seeing you on
this emotional roller coaster.
166
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,695
I mean,
you're better than Larry.
167
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,597
You deserve more
than a body-builder
168
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:51,999
just trying to get
his green card.
169
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,902
I loved his laugh,
his tofu scramble,
170
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:57,738
the way that he would carry me
from room to room.
171
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:04,945
Listen, mister, you are
a gorgeous hunk of man, okay?
172
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,580
And there isn't a guy in here
173
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:09,617
who doesn't want
a big hot slice of Jerome.
174
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:10,584
There isn't?
175
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:11,619
No.
176
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:12,686
So what time do you get off?
177
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:13,754
2:00 a.m.
178
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,156
Oh...
179
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:23,163
Hello? Anybody home?
180
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,298
Hey, I want
to show you something.
181
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,366
Okay.
182
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,968
Close your eyes.
183
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:30,971
Okay.
184
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,676
Okay, open your eyes.
185
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,044
(gasps)
186
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,279
Oh!
187
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,749
Oh, my God, you put the...
188
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,617
And you hung the...
189
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:46,920
Oh, and look
at the cute little...
190
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:49,923
Oh, you are so going
to get it, mister.
191
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:58,732
Oh!
192
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,635
Oh...
193
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:07,641
Oh, I see. You put all
of your stuff in my room.
194
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,649
How do you amass
that much crap at 22?
195
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,085
When I was 22, all I had
196
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,720
was a Miata, a thong
and a diaphragm,
197
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,655
and it was a great year.
198
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,057
Thanks for nothing.
199
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,359
Bob was very
disappointing.
200
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:29,129
We rode the bus--
he sat, I stood.
201
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,064
He wanted to go
to the 99 cent store
202
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:35,035
and buy soap and shorts and
out-of-season greeting cards.
203
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,771
I thought
he was going to take me
204
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:40,040
from "Drabby" to "Fabby,"
but instead he just took me
205
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,675
to the food court at the mall.
206
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:44,011
Who puts orange chicken
on a Cinnabon?
207
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:47,147
Hey, back off.
Bob is hypoglycemic.
208
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,882
He has to eat 11 times a day.
209
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,985
It's either that
or have a pump installed.
210
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:55,455
Chicken on a Cinnabon.
That is brilliant.
211
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,825
You want someone better,
you go out and find them.
212
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:58,625
How?
213
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,127
Sweetie, we live
in San Francisco.
214
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,930
Just go out there,
and sing four bars of Lady Gaga.
215
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,431
They'll be crawling
all over you.
216
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,970
Can you help me get
these pants off?
217
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,774
(groans)
218
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,781
Please tell me
you're wearing underwear.
219
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:23,751
I'll tell you,
but it won't make it true.
220
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:31,491
So, uh, this
might be a...
221
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,493
a weird time
222
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,229
for me to ask
you this--
223
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:38,198
or a perfect
time-- but, uh,
224
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,500
I got myself into a bit of
a situation with Jerome.
225
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,403
Uh-huh.
Suck it in, dude.
226
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:46,807
Yeah, well, the thing is,
Jerome came on to me,
227
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,077
and, you know,
he's going through
228
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,411
a real rough
patch right now.
229
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:53,914
(straining)
230
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:56,416
And I didn't want to hurt
his feelings, you know,
231
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,951
'cause he's a
really cool dude,
232
00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,953
so I told him I had a boyfriend.
233
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:02,455
So, I guess, you know,
what I'm asking is, uh,
234
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,858
well, do you think
you could be my boyfriend?
235
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:07,360
(gasps)
236
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,897
Your junk looks like
it's been crushed in.
237
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,801
Anyway, let
me ask you
238
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:17,905
this very uncomfortable
question one more time.
239
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,774
Will you be my boyfriend?
240
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:22,275
No, man,
I'm not gonna do that.
241
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:23,443
Come on, man.
242
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,312
I helped you put
that crib together.
243
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:28,048
Still got a splinter
in my pinky.
244
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,918
Actually, that's a pen mark.
245
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,954
I mean, the least you can
do is just, you know,
246
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,555
pretend to love me for an hour.
247
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,858
Dude, it's just not believable.
248
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:41,795
I mean, do you really think
you could get a... a me?
249
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,967
Do you really think
you could get a me?
250
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,770
Yeah, like, easily.
251
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,041
Yeah, you're probably right.
252
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,845
The truth is I'm just so excited
to show you off!
253
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,318
Hi.
Hey.
254
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,987
So you had a
surprise for me,
255
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,256
now I have a surprise for you.
256
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,557
Close your eyes.
257
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,225
I like where
this is going.
258
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,928
But I just had
some weird stuff at Davis's,
259
00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:17,330
so I think I should probably
take a shower first.
260
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,436
My stuff is gone.
261
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,072
Right.
262
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:26,974
Your stuff is gone.
263
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,541
To a better place.
264
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:31,578
Let me take you
on a tour of your stuff.
265
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:37,050
Much like a squirrel
places its nuts,
266
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,186
I have placed your items
in various
267
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,989
advantageous spots
around the apartment.
268
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,858
Say you want to get dressed
in the morning.
269
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,026
What's the first thing you need?
270
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:49,362
My stuff back?
271
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,598
Underwear!
272
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:54,201
Under where?
273
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:57,404
The couch!
274
00:13:57,437 --> 00:14:00,373
(grunts)
275
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:04,311
You have to lift it up
a little bit.
276
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,213
But on the bright side,
when I moved it,
277
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:07,948
I realized it was
a pull-out bed.
278
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,549
I had no idea.
279
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,920
All right, so you got
your underwear.
280
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,454
Now you need some pants.
281
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:17,991
Where do we go for that?
282
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,629
The pantry!
283
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:30,403
Anyway, I made a map
of all your stuff.
284
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,474
You are here.
285
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,176
No, wait... here.
286
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,545
No, wait.
287
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,480
Here.
288
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:48,888
Do you have any inkling that
this isn't going very well?
289
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,025
I do now.
290
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,995
Look, I know it's ridiculous,
291
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,529
but so was
you turning my bedroom
292
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,598
into a Goodwill donation center.
293
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,500
Well, if you didn't like
all the stuff in the room,
294
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,069
then why didn't you
just get rid of
295
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,503
some of your crap and
make room for mine?
296
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:08,108
Because everything in that room
is essential and necessary.
297
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,444
Ski jacket?
298
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,015
Seven robes?
299
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,617
Okay, this dress--
300
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:18,418
let's be honest,
301
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:19,953
you're never fitting
into this again.
302
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:22,589
That's my stomach flu dress.
303
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,024
Every girl has one.
304
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:30,463
You have a floppy hat collection
like I've never seen.
305
00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:33,366
Who are you,
Molly Ringwald?
306
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,735
You know who Molly Ringwald is?
307
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,072
So it's more important
that those hats
308
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,707
are in your room than me?
309
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:41,975
Come on, Zack.
310
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:44,444
It's not my room, it's our room.
311
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,179
Well, it doesn't feel
like that right now.
312
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:49,049
J-- uh...
313
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,718
(exasperated sigh)
314
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:54,087
Why are you
so upset?
315
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:56,056
Because you expect me
to go on
316
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,757
a frickin' scavenger hunt
in order to get dressed.
317
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,994
It's really more of a treasure
hunt, 'cause you have a map.
318
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:03,196
Look, I tried to do
something nice.
319
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,998
But if we're really
gonna be a family,
320
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,299
then you got to start
compromising.
321
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,635
That's our room
and I need my stuff in it.
322
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:11,338
Now I just need
to get my jacket.
323
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,008
I need to go do
something for Davis.
324
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,043
Jacket.
325
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,578
Jacket.
326
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,082
See how easy that was?
327
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:24,117
(door slams)
328
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,721
BILLIE:
When I saw all of his stuff
in my room,
329
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,224
it just hit me: we were
really doing this.
330
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:32,525
We are together.
331
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,527
I mean, I love him,
but I just wish
332
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,129
everything in
this relationship didn't
333
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:39,066
jump out from behind a tree
and ambush me.
334
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:40,567
Well, don't think of it
that way.
335
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,568
Think of it as something
336
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:44,437
jumping out from behind a tree
and loving you.
337
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,142
I'm no one to give advice.
338
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,412
Several people think I'm a man.
339
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,348
Hi, I'm Abby.
340
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:56,683
Can one of you help me
341
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,651
become the lady
I've always wanted to be?
342
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,154
Wow, you look fantastic.
343
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,822
Where are you
in your transition?
344
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,724
Oh, I still need a lot of work.
345
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,193
(chuckles)
346
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:07,260
'Cause I haven't even
gotten highlights
347
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:10,297
or advice on which skirt length
is in this season.
348
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,831
(laughs)
349
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,833
Well, you have
an amazing tape job.
350
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,768
Oh, I sure do!
351
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,104
We're taping it all up!
352
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,105
Snap!
353
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,106
(snaps fingers)
354
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,207
(laughs)
355
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:24,077
They thought you were
a transsexual?
356
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:27,180
I have big hands.
357
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,718
(disco music playing)
358
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:36,423
Yes, I met this Adonis at
the dog park six months ago.
359
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,858
You know, sometimes
when the light
360
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:42,529
catches his hair just
right, I say to myself,
361
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,732
"I'm the luckiest
man in the world."
362
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,138
Yeah, and we have super gay sex,
like, 24 hours a day.
363
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:53,873
There you are.
364
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,575
Uh-oh.
365
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,577
I'm sorry.
366
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,279
I'm sorry I was
so selfish.
367
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,714
I want the mess,
I want you.
368
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,884
I want you in my room,
I want you in my life.
369
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,187
Hey, your boyfriend's
kissing a pregnant girl.
370
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,422
What's going on here?
371
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:12,659
I don't know, but I intend
to find out immediately.
372
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:14,827
Get away from him!
373
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,529
He's my boyfriend!
374
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:20,600
Huh?
375
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,169
Zack is my boyfriend.
376
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:24,737
That's why I can't
go out with Jerome.
377
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,708
Oh... Oh!
378
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:33,246
You didn't tell me you had
a hot little piece on the side,
379
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,281
you bastard!
380
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,720
(clears throat)
381
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:43,456
Don't see why I can't
be with the both of you.
382
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:46,626
There's enough of me
to go around.
383
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,196
It'll be a cold day in hell
384
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,897
before I share you
with anyone.
385
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:56,536
You don't deserve him.
386
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,207
(whispers):
Call me.
387
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,853
And it turns out that
the cute bartender
388
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,622
was involved in this
incestuous little freak show,
389
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,324
and the sad thing:
I'm so lonely,
390
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,158
I was actually kind
of jealous, uh-huh.
391
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:24,531
Well, you have no reason
to be jealous of anyone.
392
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,433
Because even though
I just met you,
393
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:29,236
I can tell that you have
a lot to give to someone.
394
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,537
And whoever
ends up getting you
395
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,805
is going to be
really, really lucky.
396
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,475
Do you have a gay
man in your life?
397
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,409
No.
398
00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:37,977
Well, you do now.
399
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,912
Captioned by
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