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00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,404
Previously on
Accidentally On Purpose:
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00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,439
I'm just not a one-night
stand kind of person.
3
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:07,375
I just never do
things like this.
4
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:08,542
Your first pregnancy test.
5
00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,711
That's adorable.
6
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,313
Yay!
7
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,314
No!
8
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,316
I think you should stay with me.
9
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,384
I don't want
to complicate your life.
10
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,319
Why stop now?
11
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,487
I miss you.
12
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,522
You shou miss me.
13
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,824
I'm fantastic.
14
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,726
Remember our whole
boundaries conversation?
15
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,728
Yeah, but when you said,
don't touch my stuff,
16
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,331
I thought you meant, like,
your soy milk and your computer.
17
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,701
No, I meant
don't touch my stuff.
18
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,274
Oh, yeah.
19
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,417
Dude, that is genius.
20
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,819
Yeah.
21
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,187
Morning.
Morning.
22
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,089
Ooh.
23
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:58,759
And good morning to you,
and good morning to you.
24
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,097
I see you've noticed my
recent pregnancy gift
25
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,166
from the boob fairy.
26
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:09,870
That's such a better job
than being the tooth fairy.
27
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:10,538
Davis.
28
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,773
Dude, huh?
Hey, it's okay.
29
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,108
I mean, suddenly,
I'm stacked.
30
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,277
I can put money
in there now.
31
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,347
I can even do
the lipstick thing
32
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:20,648
from Grease. Watch.
33
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,559
See?
34
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,795
I did not know
the Greeks did that.
35
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,770
That was hot.
36
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,138
Dude, I can't believe
37
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,839
you're not trying harder
to tap that.
38
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:48,742
Well, dude, I would, but she's
got this whole golden rule thing
39
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,679
about how having sex will
complicate the relationship,
40
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,347
and blah, blah, blah.
41
00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:56,150
And that was bad enough,
and then this started happening.
42
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,185
Now it's just...
43
00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:58,652
* Bow, chicka, bow, bow
44
00:01:58,686 --> 00:01:59,820
* Chicka, chicka
45
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,555
BOTH:
* Bow, chicka, bow wow.
46
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,824
It's like having a toy
you can't play with.
47
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,694
But, dude, you do have a toy
you can play with.
48
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:10,164
Just take more trips downtown
on the alone train.
49
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:13,667
Have an all-by-yourself party.
50
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,736
Be a one-man band.
51
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:19,607
* I can't be anything
without you. *
52
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,143
Captioning sponsored by
CBS TELEVISION
53
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:30,651
So, the pregnancy books
tell you all kinds of stuff
54
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,520
to expect in the
first trimester.
55
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,655
You know, nausea,
heartburn, bloaty gas.
56
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:38,492
Oh, is that a baby growing
inside you, or a burrito?
57
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:42,196
What they never mention is
that in the second trimester,
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00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,765
it all gets replaced
by sexy, hot feelings,
59
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:48,602
and one's booty
becoming so delicious.
60
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,871
Oh, yes,
you do have a massive amount
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00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,540
of junk in your trunk.
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00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:55,809
(singsongy): My booty
is delicious. My booty
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00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,945
is delicious.
Delicious.
64
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,680
Brian.
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00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:00,848
What are you doing here?
66
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,217
Oh, a rumor
at the D.C. news desk says
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00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,885
there's a milkshake bringing
all the boys to the yard.
68
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,420
(laughs)
69
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:08,889
Wow. I mean, just, wow.
70
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:11,225
I haven't seen you in a while.
71
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:12,893
I read your piece
on Afghanistan.
72
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,229
I didn't know it got cold there.
I thought it...
73
00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:17,631
In my mind, it's just
hot, hot, hot all the time.
74
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:20,368
No, that's you.
75
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:21,802
Or maybe me.
76
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,705
No?
(laughs)
77
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:28,008
So... Billie, I'd-I'd love
to catch up with you some time.
78
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,377
What are you
doing later?
79
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,678
Brian!
James.
80
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,813
Hey, if you're done talking
to my girl there,
81
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,014
you want to grab a bite?
82
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,483
Uh, sure. You can
83
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:36,884
tell me all about
the decline
84
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,786
of the newspaper business
for my Sunday column.
85
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,020
Absolutely.
86
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,423
I love discussing
the death of my livelihood
87
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:45,993
and printing it
in my own paper.
88
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,928
Did you see that?
89
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:50,998
There I was being
flirted with by a handsome,
90
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,734
married man who's kind
of my imaginary boyfriend,
91
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,736
and James totally
booty blocked me.
92
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:00,674
You look
great.
Oh.
93
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,276
Is that a
new outfit?
94
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,311
Yes.
95
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:04,945
My proportions
are shifting slightly,
96
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:08,015
and they require
new fabulousness.
97
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,950
Then can I borrow that
black strapless dress
98
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:12,986
you got in Paris while
you're too sexy to wear it?
99
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,655
(clicks tongue)
100
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,824
No.
101
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,326
It's the nicest thing I own.
102
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,461
But you couldn't squeeze
those melons in there
103
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,830
without causing
considerable unaboob.
104
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:25,333
Why can't you just
let me borrow it?!
105
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,835
You know why.
But my company is
hosting a charity event.
106
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,537
No. You spill things.
You're a spiller.
107
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,004
You've been spilling things
ever since
108
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,973
you got Yoo-hoo on my tutu
at our recital.
109
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:33,974
I was six.
110
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,043
Oh, my God, are you
ever gonna let that go?
111
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,411
No.
112
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,079
I don't know if it has something
113
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,014
to do with your inner ear,
or the tides.
114
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,384
You even cause chain spilling.
115
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,054
(woman screams and gasps)
116
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,425
But my event!
No!
117
00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:53,093
Fine. Oh.
118
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,796
Bloody hell!
119
00:04:55,829 --> 00:05:00,368
I am almost 100% positive that
we just had a tiny earthquake.
120
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,536
Did I tell you,
Brian is in town,
121
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,104
and he was flirting with me?
122
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,775
Ooh, isn't he your married
imaginary boyfriend?
123
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,977
Yes, and it was
especially difficult
124
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,013
because my pregnancy hormones
have kicked in, and...
125
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,383
I don't know any other way
to put this,
126
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:18,452
but I have happy feelings
in my downstairs area.
127
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,887
MAN:
Soy chai latte
128
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,088
and cappuccino.
129
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,790
That's us.
130
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,393
And the croissant is on me.
131
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:29,897
(quietly):
And that keeps happening.
132
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:32,065
Guys are flirting with me
left and right,
133
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,368
and they don't know
that this and this
134
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:36,504
is because of this.
135
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:38,606
Oh, why don't you
just sleep with Zack?
136
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,708
Or marry him
and then sleep with him.
137
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,009
Stop!
138
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:42,810
I can't sleep with Zack.
139
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,778
It'll complicate
our relationship,
140
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,079
and blah, blah, blah.
141
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:49,049
Which is really too bad,
'cause I got to tell you,
142
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,051
the orgasm
that would come from this
143
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,521
I think would put me
in a hospital.
144
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:03,397
You know how hot Billie
has been looking lately?
145
00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:05,399
Oh, yeah.
146
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,768
Okay, well, after
she left for work,
147
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:10,638
I wanted to buy a ticket
to ride the alone train,
148
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,773
so I went into
her bathroom,
149
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,475
and I grabbed a
bottle of lotion,
150
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,577
but instead of lotion,
151
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,612
I grabbed sunless tanner.
152
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:32,059
So pretty much
the same deal with your, um...
153
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:34,061
Yeah.
154
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:39,833
And the other place, too,
I imagine?
155
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,471
What other place?
156
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,807
There is no other place.
157
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,141
I was just testing you.
158
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:52,813
Oh.
159
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,848
(both laugh)
160
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,058
Popcorn?
161
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,927
Yes, please.
Yeah.
162
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,475
Can you excuse me a minute?
163
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:22,242
Yeah.
164
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,177
(clears throat)
165
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,746
Gonna make a phone call.
166
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,048
Oh, my God,
hot popcorn.
167
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,917
(phone rings)
168
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,720
Olivia, I'm thinking
of sleeping with Zack.
169
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,622
My brain says it's a bad idea,
170
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:38,125
but it's being outvoted
by every other cell in my body.
171
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:41,562
Is sleeping with him right now
desperate or empowering?
172
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,163
Is he passed out?
No.
173
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,732
Empowering.
174
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:45,999
Yes!
175
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:48,502
(music plays on TV)
176
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,949
So, you know
our golden rule--
177
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,817
we won't sleep together
no matter what--
178
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:06,286
we could just forget it.
179
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,188
The rule.
180
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,156
Really?
181
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,724
Yup. Just for one day.
182
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:13,160
We just have to swear
to each other that
183
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,995
we won't get emotionally
involved, so I swear.
184
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,196
Okay. Oh, my.
185
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,197
(laughs)
186
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,567
Uh, I'm-I'm not in a...
187
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,235
Um, the golden rule--
it's a good rule.
188
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:23,303
That is a good rule.
189
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,038
But this is purely medical.
190
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,207
This is a medical condition.
191
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,611
Uh, maybe put a bag
of frozen peas on it
192
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:33,180
and keep it elevated.
193
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:36,550
Well, I'm offering you
no-strings-attached,
194
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,852
purely recreational sex,
195
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:42,690
and your response
is frozen produce?
196
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,025
Yes.
197
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,227
I mean, no.
198
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,262
I mean, I'm gonna
take a shower.
199
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,238
Dude, she was good to go,
200
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,908
and you refused
because of your orange junk?
201
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,075
Yeah, yeah.
202
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:05,312
What if some of the orange,
you know, got on the baby?
203
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:09,750
Who cares if some of it gets
on your baby?
204
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,019
I mean, worse case scenario--
you get laid,
205
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:15,255
and your baby's born
looking like an Oompa Loompa.
206
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,791
I checked all
our products.
207
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,593
Sorry. We
don't have
208
00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:21,061
anything
to remove sunless tanner.
209
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,229
Supposedly,
210
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:23,997
soaking your skin
in cocoanut milk
211
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,298
reduces pigmentation.
212
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,300
You could try that...
213
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,302
on your palm.
214
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,038
Boom! Problem solved.
215
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,873
Now your junk will be
normal color
216
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,908
and smell like vacation.
217
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,846
I took your advice
and tried to seduce Zack,
218
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,180
and he turned me down.
219
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,649
What?!
Oh, impossible.
220
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:42,983
No, it was so uncomfortable,
221
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,718
I felt like a total idiot.
222
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,119
Oh.
223
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:48,989
I would just like to bring
up a procedural point.
224
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,659
You didn't call me
before you tried to seduce him
225
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,226
because you know that I think
226
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,328
you should have
a real relationship with him.
227
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,097
But you didn't want
to hear that, so
228
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,332
you called the bad idea lady.
229
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,401
I'm your sister.
230
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,336
I would have given you
good advice,
231
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,405
and you would have been
so grateful,
232
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,708
you would have given me
that dress.
233
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:12,312
Abby, we have bigger problems
than dresses right now.
234
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:15,248
I don't. I just have
the dress problem.
235
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,316
Enough with the dress.
236
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,285
She needs to find a man.
237
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,754
Uh, we need to widen
the search.
238
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,122
Oh, wait.
239
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,657
The oracle speaks.
240
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:24,725
Who should Billie
241
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,159
sleep with? Who?
242
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:29,730
Uh, that guy, a street mime,
animal from the Muppets?
243
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,331
Who, Oracle, who?
244
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,669
Neither of you understands
what's happening here, okay?
245
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:37,905
I did one foolish thing,
I get pregnant,
246
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,239
and now my punishment is
247
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,441
that I can't sex
until the baby's born.
248
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,711
Well, a newborn is
an awful lot of work.
249
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:44,878
Fine. Two years old.
250
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,446
Well, at two,
they're potty training,
251
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,281
running around everywhere,
biting on furniture.
252
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,984
Five! Five! In five years,
I can have sex.
253
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:52,152
Five years?
254
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,320
Now that's crazier
255
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,422
than sleeping with a Muppet.
256
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,459
Wow. Five years.
257
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,328
I can do it.
258
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,063
I kept up that gym membership
259
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,297
for five years.
260
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,133
I was a vegetarian
for five years.
261
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,467
I didn't go to a zoo for five...
262
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,136
Well, that's not much
of an accomplishment.
263
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,806
But this is reality
so, you know...
264
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,743
I'm just gonna have to
be celibate for five years.
265
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:21,148
And in five years,
I'll be... 42.
266
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,350
So there's that.
267
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:29,723
I'll be a 42-year-old who
hasn't had sex in five years,
268
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:32,459
who has a child, whose father
is still in his 20s
269
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:34,061
and has his whole life
ahead of him.
270
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,496
And even then... even then
with all my mistakes
271
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,898
piled around me
like the empty pizza boxes
272
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,166
from last night's
depression feast,
273
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:42,435
even then
I will not give you that dress.
274
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,040
But you'll think about it,
right?
275
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,447
Hi, milkshake.
(laughs softly)
276
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:57,350
Yeah, yeah, my milkshake
277
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,920
is in the freezer
for five years.
278
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,488
You okay?
279
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:02,956
JAMES:
Brian!
280
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:03,957
Balls.
281
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:06,393
Can you believe how she
gets prettier every day?
282
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,862
She certainly does.
283
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,335
Do you have some sort of
bugging device?
284
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,970
What are you talking about?
285
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,538
You wait until Brian
starts talking to me
286
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:22,109
and then you pop up
like a zit on prom night.
287
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,211
All right, I'm sorry.
288
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,979
Look, after you and I broke up
289
00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:27,848
when I first found out
that you were pregnant,
290
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,316
I was kind of
looking forward to--
291
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,184
well, there's no polite way
to put this--
292
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,453
but you becoming fat
and unpleasant.
293
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,555
But...
294
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,525
what's happening is
you're glowing.
295
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,293
And you're beautiful.
296
00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:43,430
And you're still, well...
297
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:44,798
Billie.
298
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,301
That's sweet.
299
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,537
It is, isn't it?
300
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,506
Ooh, I gotta wrap this up.
I got a date.
301
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:54,875
We good?
302
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,443
(scoffs)
303
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,411
I'll stop touching you.
304
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,513
Join the club.
305
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,883
What?
Have a fun date!
306
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,486
Hey, buddy.
307
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:09,823
Everything flesh-colored yet?
308
00:13:09,857 --> 00:13:11,124
ZACK:
Yeah, I...
309
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:13,994
Yeah, I think
the coconut milk's working.
310
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,396
Aren't they gonna notice that
they're missing 60 gallons
311
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:19,967
of coconut milk
at your restaurant?
312
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,269
Oh, I'm bringing it back.
313
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,912
So, uh, you gonna go
for it with Billie?
314
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:35,115
Would I be ass-deep
in coconut milk if I wasn't?
315
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,085
Aren't you supposed
to be at work?
316
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:41,154
Ah, that's the great thing about
being a clerk at Trader Joe's.
317
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:44,824
I'm helping my boss
pick out new beers to sell.
318
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,495
Working from home today.
319
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,499
Coffee?
320
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,435
Oh. Oh, no, thanks.
321
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:58,471
I've already had
my cup for the day.
322
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,007
Wow, you are strict.
323
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,374
No, I'm pregnant.
324
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,543
Oh.
325
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,178
James didn't tell me
you guys are pregnant.
326
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,513
It's not his.
327
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,415
Does he know that?
328
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,217
(chuckles)
329
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,484
No, we broke up
330
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,653
and then I was all "boo-hoo,"
drink, drink, "you look cute,"
331
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,356
pee on a stick,
blue plus sign, ta-da!
332
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,590
(laughing)
333
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,392
It's been a very full year.
334
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:20,327
Well, who's the dad?
335
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,063
Ah, you know, he's a great guy.
336
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,998
A great, much younger guy.
337
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,666
He's in my life
but we're not together.
338
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,502
Oh, got that explanation down.
339
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,405
Well, it sounds like
we've got a lot to catch up on.
340
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:35,142
Would you like to meet me
later for dinner at my hotel?
341
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,977
That sounds like something
342
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,912
I'm not supposed to do
with a married man.
343
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,347
I'm divorced.
344
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,249
That's fantastic.
345
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:50,623
I mean, that must've been
really difficult.
346
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:53,126
Well, it wasn't great
347
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,594
but I'd get over it
a lot quicker
348
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,229
if you'd meet me
for that dinner.
349
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,165
Really?
350
00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,666
Yeah. How does 8:30 sound?
351
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,701
It sounds good.
352
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,536
See you then for some,
"You look good,"
353
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,505
"So do you,"
"The steak is fantastic,"
354
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:06,974
"I wonder if he's gonna
kiss me."
355
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,546
Well, that answers that.
356
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,684
I have to admit
357
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:20,487
I've imagined us on
a date for a while.
358
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,423
Would you like some dessert?
359
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,392
Always.
360
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,395
You know who makes an amazing
chocolate torte?
361
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,264
Hmm?
Room service.
362
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:34,301
(giggles)
363
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:43,110
I just need to powder
a number of items.
364
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,679
Abby?
Yes?
365
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:50,050
I'm at the Jerome,
I just had dinner with Brian,
366
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,152
and I think
there's a possibility
367
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:53,520
that he wants to sleep with me.
368
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,123
He knows I'm pregnant
and he's fine with it,
369
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,225
but...
370
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,595
...but I'm not sure
it's a good idea.
371
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,365
Oh, my God, you're calling me.
372
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,566
Well, yeah.
373
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:09,069
I mean, you're the
good idea lady, right?
374
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,503
Didn't you want me to?
375
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:13,406
Yes, but I did not think
that you would.
376
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,408
Well, what do you think?
377
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:18,545
Oh, I think, um...
378
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:21,414
that you should do
whatever makes you happy.
379
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:24,251
I think that
you are strong enough
380
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:26,453
to know what to do on your own.
381
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,421
You know in your heart
what's right
382
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,557
and even if you screw up
occasionally,
383
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:34,427
you are a good person.
384
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,796
Thank you.
385
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,598
You're a good sister.
386
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,101
I know.
387
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,042
(sighs)
Haute couture.
388
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:52,479
There is no substitute.
389
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:53,780
Hey, Billie, I'm home!
390
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,489
Abby?
391
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,725
She said it was okay.
392
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,527
She said...
she said what was okay?
393
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,262
Nothing.
394
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:10,497
Okay, do you know
where she went?
395
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,166
Oh, she's gone to, uh,
396
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,102
oh, she's gone to get laid.
397
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,173
With-with who?
398
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:21,441
Oh, some reporter.
399
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,210
I'm sure he's fancy.
400
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,578
Oh, my God, I'm such a tool.
401
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,814
I blew it.
402
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:30,450
Oh, my God.
403
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,819
You like her.
404
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,721
This is so romantic.
405
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,557
She's at the Hotel Jerome.
You must go to her.
406
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,495
I can't just go to her and...
407
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:43,863
Yes, you can.
408
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,398
You should go.
409
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,866
She's not even sure she
wants to go through with it.
410
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,268
Go, Zack.
411
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,237
And forget you ever saw me.
412
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,739
Okay, and the dress
or the jewelry, ooh,
413
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,707
ooh, and this bag, this bag.
414
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,209
Go!
415
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:59,112
(panting)
416
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:03,150
Billie.
Zack.
417
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,484
(panting)
What are you doing here?
418
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:05,785
To be honest,
419
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:08,355
I... Oh, my...
420
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,589
I ran all the way.
421
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,758
I haven't run in a while.
422
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,760
And the hotel's
on top of a hill.
423
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,596
Who told you I was here?
Abby.
424
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,131
Look,
425
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,600
I don't care
if you slept with him.
426
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,470
That's actually not true,
I do care.
427
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:26,506
Zack...
Let me-let me finish, okay?
428
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,741
I really need you to know
429
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,643
that I really wanted
to sleep with you.
430
00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:32,879
Zack...
And I...
Hold on.
431
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:35,182
I hate...
I hate the golden rule.
432
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:36,616
I don't care
about the golden rule.
433
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,718
The reason I didn't
sleep with you
434
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:41,888
is...
435
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,524
is because I had
an orange penis.
436
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:47,727
Wow.
437
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,629
I was imagining
how you were gonna finish
438
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:53,366
what you were saying, but orange
penis is not where I was going.
439
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,935
Anyway, I-I just
had to be honest with you
440
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,570
about the situation
with my junk.
441
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:58,505
So, I'm good to go.
442
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:00,273
You don't need to sleep
with anybody else.
443
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,675
Unless I'm too late,
in which case,
444
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:05,312
you look very nice
in that outfit.
445
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,714
Um...
446
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,749
I didn't sleep with Brian.
447
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:12,819
Oh.
448
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,422
Okay.
449
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:16,589
Well, good night then.
450
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:19,592
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
451
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,928
The truth is, um, I like Brian
452
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:26,766
and I didn't want my hormones
making decisions for me with him
453
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:30,737
or with you the other night,
which I'm really sorry about.
454
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:31,804
Do you smell coconut?
455
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,742
I do. Isn't that weird?
456
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,678
Um...
457
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:42,515
I shouldn't have
come on to you like that.
458
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,551
And...
459
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,319
It's just, I'm really
trying to get a handle
460
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,820
on this thing between us.
461
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:52,859
Which is really hard because
you're so nice and so cute.
462
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,295
And you really
smell like coconut.
463
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:56,529
Am I crazy?
464
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:05,572
I just want us to go back
to how we were.
465
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,707
Is that cool with you?
466
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,711
Yeah, that's-that's cool.
467
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:12,779
(chuckles)
468
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:15,682
We can just totally go back
to the way we were.
469
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,785
But I'd like to assure you
470
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:22,255
that if you ever get
crazy-pregnant-horny again,
471
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:23,756
I am so there for you.
472
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:24,691
It's a deal.
473
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,293
Okay.
474
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:28,395
Your palm is orange, too?
475
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,496
Oh, you were...
476
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,431
Oh!
477
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,566
(laughing)
478
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,641
I need to tell
you something.
479
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:42,975
No...
480
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:45,011
I need to tell you
something.
481
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:47,980
Your advice
was such good advice
482
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,682
that you can borrow my dress.
483
00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:52,652
That is so sweet.
484
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:56,289
But what I need to tell you
is that I already did.
485
00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:57,724
So, thank you.
486
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,495
The good news is that I did
not spill anything on it.
487
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:03,663
Until...
488
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,865
Oh, my God!
489
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:10,770
(screaming)
490
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,907
But I'm okay and that is
the most important thing.
491
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:19,546
I love you.
492
00:21:19,579 --> 00:21:23,583
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