Original subtitles

(Cat) - Tonight on "Acapulco Heat"...

(cheering and applause)

(woman) - Let him go!

(gunshots)

(tires squeal)

(gun cocks)

(car engine starts)

(gun cocks)

♪ Ah, can you feel it ♪ (echoes)

♪ Burnin' inside? ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪

♪ Sweat ♪

♪ Drippin' down my spine ♪

♪ Makin' me hazy ♪

♪ Wet ♪

♪ Fingers touchin' mine ♪

♪ Makin' me crazy ♪

♪ I'm on the street ♪

♪ I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ Deep ♪

♪ In the darkest night ♪

♪ I feel the motion ♪

♪ Keep ♪

♪ All my love alive ♪

♪ Come to the ocean ♪

♪ Out on the street ♪

♪ I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪

- Lavinia, you are amazing.

- Five minutes with the man, I had his entire menu.

(laughs)

- Three million in negotiable bonds,

ooh, that is excellent work.

- It was his orange aura.

The minute I saw it, I realized we had a prime patsy.

(chuckles) - I think he would have given you

the combination to his safe if you asked for it.

(laughs) - Bankers with orange auras are too gullible

to handle other people's finances.

The man's a financial hazard.

- I think we should celebrate.

Champagne and lunch on me, sister.

- Great.

(laughs) - Let's go.

- Let him go!

- No! Lavinia!

No! - Aah!

(indistinct yelling)

- Let go! Lavinia!

(gunshots)

- Sam!

Sam!

- Come on! Hurry and get him in here!

(Lavinia) - Sam!

(gunshots) - Uhh!

(Lavinia) - Sam!

(tires squeal)

(crying)

(siren approaching)

(grunting)

- Impact bullets?

♪

(birds tweet)

- We bust our stones every month

to pay the lease on Joanna's equipment,

and we're still out on our keisters

unless we come up with five or six thousand?

- Well, we have a choice.

We can decide whether to eat or not.

- And I thought we used to have headaches

on the old H.E.A.T. team.

Well, the coalition always paid,

but they also checked our expense receipts.

- My uncles also were tight,

but, all right, we need a client, fast.

- Like yesterday.

- Only yesterday, we were only broke.

(engine sputters)

(engine starts)

- Hi. (turns engine off)

You, uh, waiting for the hotel shuttle?

- Yes, I am. - Well, so am I.

I mean, I'm... on the way to the Marriot Hotel.

I was wondering if you'd like a lift.

- Oh, I would love one. You are so sweet.

(car door clanks)

I'm late for a show.

- A show?

- Yes. I'm a lingerie model.

(exhales)

- Oh, okay.

(engine falters)

(Tommy chuckles)

Don't worry. It's just a little temperamental, but, uh...

it will start right up.

(engine continues to falter)

(chuckles)

(breathing heavily)

- Margaritas? Or another mile?

- Margaritas, no. Champagne, oui.

Ooh.

Well, we have enough for two beers.

- Champagne, no.

Beer, oui.

- We're so fickle.

(laughs) - That too.

(man) - I don't know what we're going to do!

We're missing our ferocious animal prints!

Our red hot chili pepper bras!

Half the Caesar babydolls didn't arrive,

not to mention our "happy birthday" musical thongs!

God knows where the hell they are!

And my girls!

Where are all my girls?!

I can't open the show with just two girls!

What?! You think this is PG-rated?!

- Oh, Joanna's alone. I'd better go give her a hand.

I'll be right back.

- Hurry before she gives away the store.

(engine revs)

(kicks car)

(indistinct conversation)

- Stop that man! He stole my purse!

Somebody stop him! - Ohh!

- Stop that man! - You!

- Stop that man! He stole my purse!

- Uhh! I'm sorry. - Jerk!

- Hey!

That's my purse.

Yeah, I know it's not really my color,

but I'd like to have it back, if, uh, I could.

- Uhh!

- Ugh!

- Aah!

- Uhh!

- Ohh!

- What are we gonna do?

I mean, we have absolutely no money.

(birds tweeting)

- Hold down the fort. I've got an idea.

- What is she getting us into?

(indistinct conversation)

- What worries me is he understands her.

- Half his stuff was sent to Puerto Rico by mistake,

so tonight is "Colors of Cancun Luxury and Bikini" show,

courtesy of Acapulco H.E.A.T.

(laughs)

- Well, this oughta keep the wolves from our door,

at least for a while.

- Oh, thank god! I don't know how to thank you.

- You don't have to, but think about it, anyhow.

- I hope you wouldn't be offended

if I offered you some kind of a reward.

(Mexican accent) - Please, don't.

You see... you'll ruin my oath of poverty.

(laughs) - No, of course not.

(laughs)

- I'm Lavinia Ohman.

- I'm Tommy Chase.

- Tommy. I really shouldn't ask you this--

You've been so kind already--

I wonder if you might give me a ride

to a place called Acapulco... H.E.A.T. Beach Fashions.

Do you know it?

(laughs) - Know it? That's where I'm headed.

That's quite a coincidence.

- Coincidence?

No, it's fate.

And my E.S.P. I have those powers.

- Uh, that's... great.

Because I'm having a little trouble with my truck starting.

- Oh, I'm sure it will now.

It wouldn't dare not start.

(engine starts)

♪

- Great! Animal prints! That's what I need.

Thank you. Give it to Clooney.

Oh, yes! Please, please give it to him.

The red! All red goes. Thank you.

Yes! Uh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, everything.

- This is Lavinia Almond, and she needs our help.

- Ohman. O-H-M-A-N.

The name was given to me by my spirit adviser,

but please call me Lavinia.

I can't tell you how kind and gallant this man has been. (Tommy Chuckles)

- Oh, we know. (laughs)

Tommy's very, um, gallant.

- How can we help you, Lavinia?

- I want you to find my brother, Sam Beacher. He's missing.

- Missing? Oh, you mean like the kids on the milk carton?

- He was kidnapped six months ago.

- Six months ago? Wasn't there any ransom demand?

- Unfortunately, there wasn't.

- I'm sorry, but he may not be alive still.

- He's alive, all right.

I'm absolutely positive of that.

I saw him. - Where?

- Here... in Puerto Vallarta.

- But... you just got here.

- I saw him quite clearly.

I saw palm trees, beaches.

I saw this boutique, Acapulco H.E.A.T. Fashions.

And I saw coconuts.

- Yeah, well... coconuts, we got.

- I had a vision, overpowering and crystal clear.

- You're psychic?

She's a psychic! (laughs)

(laughs) - I am blessed with certain powers.

I must tell you, at the moment,

I am experiencing the most incredible vibrations.

The auras in this boutique are awesome!

Absolutely awesome!

- We are a little overbooked at the moment.

- Tsk.

- Oh, I am prepared to be generous.

- How generous?

- $10,000.

- Hey, uh, cou-could you just excuse us for a minute, please?

She's out of her tree house.

- So she has a leaky pen. So what?

- Yeah, but she's talking about, like, a vision.

- Well, how do you know it's not accurate?

- Possibly, you could tell us more

about where you saw your brother?

- Yes, I can. It was near a church.

- There! You see?

We have lots of churches in Puerto Vallarta.

- Now, what did I do with my checkbook?

Oh, I hope a thousand in cash and a check for 9,000

will be acceptable.

Oh, Tommy, I wouldn't drive your truck today if I were you.

You're going to have an accident.

♪

(honks horn)

(tires squeal)

(grunting)

- Are you okay? - Uh-huh.

- You just ran over my fruit stand!

Why don't you look where you're driving the car?!

What is this?! Fix that fruit stand!

- Yeah.

- When do you get your truck back?

- I don't.

I had to junk it.

- How do you total a truck running into a fruit stand?

They're made out of bamboo and palm leaves.

- What's the big deal? I drive dispensable trucks.

(laughs) - What did you find out?

- Well, there's no question Sam was kidnapped.

There were scores of witnesses.

Florida state police are sending us a copy of his file.

- Yeah, I checked the bank accounts and his credit cards,

and there was no withdrawals or deposits in the past six months.

- And that ties in with what the Florida police told me.

They're pretty sure Sam's dead.

- Why would the kidnappers kill him?

It's not sensible. There is no payoff.

- But the police theory is that they didn't intend to kill him,

that maybe he got killed trying to get away

or maybe he died of a heart attack.

- That would explain why there's no ransom demand.

- The only proof that we have that Sam is still alive

is Lavinia's-- How would you say,

uh, vision.

Ha! How's that for proof, huh?

(Nicole) - She was right about your accident

and the bunch of made up pictures

of what Sam might look like.

- Well, we might get lucky.

I gotta go work the lingerie show,

so why don't you guys canvas the town?

- Uh, no, no, I got...

I got roped into helping with the show too.

(Cat clicks her tongue)

- I'm so sorry for you.

Try not to strain an eyeball.

(laughs)

(children yelling excitedly)

♪

(speaking in Spanish)

- Uhh!

(clears throat) Hey. Hi.

You remember me? Tommy.

I was gonna give you a ride to the--

- Oh, yes, I remember you.

Hey, listen, you were so sweet.

Oh, by the way, how's your truck?

I hope it healed.

- Uh... it died.

Buried. (laughs)

But, say, listen, maybe after the show,

we could wake it, you know? Prayer, a tear or two.

(laughs)

- I'd love to.

- Yeah? You-- Yeah? Great! Great!

Well, I'll tell you what, there's a, um,

a bar downtown called No Name. Say 4:00?

- Okay, I'll see you then.

- All right, good.

Yes!

(no audio)

- No.

- Any luck?

- No. How 'bout you?

- Me neither.

I don't think we're using the right picture.

- Lavinia said it looked just like him.

- You know, when my sister was acting,

she used to have these composite pictures that--

- Your sister was an actress?

- Yeah, but she only did it for, like, just a little while.

- Well, has she done something I would have seen?

- Did you see "Forrest Gump"?

- She was in "Forrest Gump"? That's my favorite movie.

- Okay, you know when-when he's getting the Medal of Honor

and she comes running across the water

yelling "Forrest! Forrest!"

- Of course. She was at the Washington Monument.

- Yeah. Well, she was in the crowd,

but you could see her really clear.

She was yelling, jumping up and down,

she was chewing gum. (laughs)

I'll show you sometime.

Anyway, um, she would have these pictures

that would have four shots on them

and-and she would look completely different

in each one.

(announcer) - Wow, the enticing garter gown.

♪

(cheering and applause)

And here we go.

A luscious top of black and white lace.

Very sexy and sensuous.

♪ ... Yeah... ♪

Thank you.

♪ Ooh... ♪

Thank you.

And a babydoll.

Sheer white and sheer fun, very sexy.

And last our bikini,

white and foxy.

And very sensual.

(cheering intensifies)

(computer whirs)

♪

(indistinct conversation)

(Lavinia) - How do you think I know of my past lives?

(bell rings)

(traffic hums)

Thank you.

(gun cocks)

Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.

You're gonna need this.

- Lavinia.

- She's here.

She's hired some people to find you.

They call themselves Acapulco H.E.A.T.

- They any good?

- They're very good.

They're also very broke.

- I think it's time we moved to higher ground.

- The apartment?

- Mmm.

Now, my child,

what was it you said a moment ago?

Something about sinning, I believe?

- Mm-hmm.

(both laugh)

(cheering and applause)

(crinkling paper) - Tommy!

Tommy!

Tommy!

(indistinct conversation)

- I've seen this guy before.

The priest.

I'm telling you, this is him. This is the...

the priest that ruined my truck.

- Lavinia said that she saw her brother by a church.

- Monsignor Raphael, have you seen this priest?

- Uh...

Oh. Yeah.

- Maybe he had an urgent call from the bishop.

(Cat) - We'll be right back.

- There's no question about it. That is Sam.

- I don't understand. If Mr. Beacher was...

kidnapped, why did he run away?

- What do you mean, if he was kidnapped?

- She means, why doesn't he act like a kidnap victim?

- Masquerading as a priest.

- Running people off the road.

- And what is a priest doing

driving a convertible?

- He wasn't driving.

- Yeah, he wasn't.

So, who was that spicy blonde behind the wheel, huh?

Mother Teresa?

- A spicy blonde nun?

- This kidnapping was a hoax.

- A hoax?

- Just before he was abducted,

you and Sam withdrew three million in negotiable bonds

in an orphaned account.

(scoffs) - A perfectly legal transaction.

- Wait, why? What-What's an orphaned account?

- Abandoned accounts without known heirs or estates.

(Joanna) - What happened to the bonds?

- I suppose the kidnappers have them.

- Well, how 'bout this scenario: Sam faked his own kidnapping

so he could acquire the bonds for himself.

- That's ridiculous. I was there.

He was kidnapped right in front of my eyes.

Maybe he doesn't know what he's doing...

or who he is. He could be suffering from amnesia.

He could be delusional.

- I'd buy delusional. It runs in the family.

Look, you show up with all this kinky stuff

about psychic visions and past lives and...

purple auras-- - Orange.

- Orange, pink, chartreuse, who cares?!

The point is, what are we supposed to think?

- I don't care what you think!

I love my brother,

and I know he's in some kind of trouble.

Now, I paid you good money...

(breathing heavily) ...to find him,

and I expect you to do your job.

- She's right. He could have been hit on the head

and has absolutely no idea who he is.

- All right, all right, maybe I was a little hard on her.

- We always look at the worst side of things.

I'm always distrusting people. - Me too.

- Maybe she really was a nun, who... rented a convertible.

- They had to rent that car.

Joanna, can you access the rental agencies?

Wait. Go backwards.

That's it.

- A Chrysler convertible rented to Villa del Mundo, Limited.

And that's today's date.

- "Villa of the World."

That's an agency that rents villas, isn't it?

- That rents villas, yeah. Uh, Joanna?

- I'm on it.

- While you're at it, uh, rent us a car.

(Cat) - Like we can afford it.

(beeps)

♪

Tommy! We found him.

- Yeah, found who?

- Sam. We traced him to a villa about an hour's drive from here.

Well, come on. We need you.

(chuckles) - No. I can't leave.

I got a meeting.

Well, it's a date, but--

(laughs) You get a couple of smiles from miss sugar lumps,

and you think you're gonna get lucky?

- Hey, the looks she's been giving me...

she's ready.

Believe me, I know women.

- What you know about women wouldn't stuff an olive,

but, hey, if you want to stay here and play kissy-face

with Miss June, I... June? April?

Well, whatever her name is, you go right ahead.

We'll just have to give Lavinia back her $10,000.

(sighs)

(pounds table)

- Hey, come here.

- Yes, sir.

(sighs)

Tell April I had an emergency, okay?

- Okay.

- Buy her a few drinks.

I, uh, look, just...

do what you can to make her happy, all right?

- Sure.

- Ah, ah.

Tell her I'll call her.

(faucet dripping)

- Ah.

You know how this turns me on.

- Ooh, you are such a strumpet.

(laughs)

- Lucky you.

You're really amazing,

converting three million into 20 million in six months.

- Mmm, it's not a done deal yet.

Not until the exchange is made.

- You worried about the feds or Lavinia?

- The feds... (laughs)

...they haven't had an original thought

since they were toilet trained. (woman laughs)

No, it's my, uh, darling sister...

- We're ready for her.

- Uh, maybe.

But never take Lavinia for granted.

There isn't a grifter operating today that can touch her.

- Except you. (laughs)

- Of course.

I taught her everything she knows.

- But not everything you know.

(laughs)

Let's get rid of this.

(laughs)

Now I've got my man back.

- Oh, yeah?

And what do you intend to do with him?

- Thank you.

- Allons-y!

- What'd she say?

(Cat) - She said, "Let's go."

- Wait! Let me come with you!

- Don't worry. We'll bring your brother home safe.

(telephone rings)

(beep)

- They found him.

Oh, and double the number.

We're going to need all the help we can get.

(beep)

Listen... "Ramiro." - Yes?

- How would you like to make $500?

All you have to do is make a phone call.

When and where is written in here.

- We should be about a half a mile from the villa.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

(Cat) - What is this, a roadblock?

- All right, all right, all right.

(officer speaking indistinctly)

- Just stay cool.

- "Let me do the speaking."

- The talking.

- Right on time.

(Cat) - This is ridiculous.

(Tommy) - Easy, tough guy.

(Cat) - What is going on here?

(officer) - Pepe...

- What do you want?

(officer) - ...come over here. We found something.

- What is this, cocaine?

You people are in big trouble.

(Tommy) - We've been sandbagged.

(officer) - You're gonna have to come with us.

- Hey! We want to call our embassy!

- God! Your breath!

(slaps behind)

- Bastard!

- Uhh!

- Uhh!

(laughs)

- Yeah.

- I'm okay.

Okay, it's pop quiz time.

I want to know who set us up.

(laughs) - My money's on Lavinia.

- But why? - Who else could it be?

- What about her brother?

He saw us at the church.

He knew we were after him.

- Well, we could be a case of bad timing,

showing up when he's getting ready to cash in the bonds.

- If we're locked up, we're no threat.

(Cat) - But we've gotta figure on a way out,

'cause I don't like the way Godzilla was looking at me.

- Did you see that man's arms? They looked like fence posts.

- Forget his arms. It's his breath you gotta worry about.

- Well, whatever, you guys,

we can figure on a return visit, that's for sure.

♪

- Ugh!

(bang) Uhh!

(Cat) - Good job!

- Uhh!

- Get him over here!

Get him over here, come on!

Get his keys!

Uhh! He's got my hair!

(yelling indistinctly)

(gunshot)

(panting)

- This should cover their bail.

- So, monsieur, you're responsible for this?

- I'm sorry. I apologize for any inconveniences

that you've suffered.

- Well... (laughs)

my apologies for not accepting your apologies, mister!

Why'd you set us up?

- I had to talk to you.

I need to hire your services.

- For what? - To protect me...

from my sister Lavinia.

♪

(Tommy) - We'll be right back.

- I want to be sure to get this clear.

You and your fiancée...

- Mona.

- You and Mona never intended to keep the bonds?

- Absolutely not.

(laughs) - You expect us to believe that?

Look, for the last 10 years, you and your wacko sister

have been conning people out of their money.

You're thieves!

- We prefer the term grifter.

(Mona) - Sam has turned over a new leaf.

(chuckles)

His entire life is now devoted to his charity work.

- Charity work?

- When Mona and I met,

she pointed out the-the error of my ways,

the sinful life I was leading.

She turned my life completely around,

and I owe her a great deal.

She's a saint, isn't she?

Lavinia has this channeling routine she uses.

I mean, you should see her performance,

it's absolutely tour de force.

(Joanna) - Performance?

Lavinia's a fake?

- A fake? That-that's just a strong word.

She has laser-sharp instincts. Let me give you an example:

She once put Mr. Mazleton, the bank manager,

in touch with his dearly departed mother.

It was simply a matter of a few readings,

and she had a coded password to an account.

- What is the point... of stealing the bonds

if you're just gonna return 'em?

- I used the bonds to collateralize

on certain stock options.

- The stocks split several times.

Sam made a huge profit.

- Which I set up in a trust fund

for an international food cooperative to feed the poor.

- I negotiated agreement with the bank

that we would return the bonds in an exchange

for a dismissal of all the criminal charges against Sam.

- Mona can be, uh...

(laughs) ...very persuasive.

(scoffs) - What about Lavinia. - Ah, there's the rub.

See, I knew that she would never agree to return the bonds,

so I arranged my abduction.

- So your sister couldn't get her hands on them.

- Exactly. I-I sent her a finder's fee, $150,000.

I should have known that that would never have satisfied her.

- That's how she found us.

- We crisscrossed wire transfers

through a dozen different banks around the world.

Lavinia's very resourceful,

and she traced the transfer here to its origin.

- Well, what is it you want from us?

- A bank courier is arriving today

with the legal release from prosecution.

We'd like you to supervise the exchange.

- What do you think, guys? You got a problem with that.

- Isn't it a conflict of interest?

(Tommy) - How could it be?

We did exactly what Madam Dipstick wanted us to do.

(Joanna) Tommy's right.

Lavinia hired us to find Sam. We did that.

- Look, Lavinia's dirty.

We help Sam, the money goes back to where it belongs.

It's the right thing to do.

- Hmm. Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.

♪

- She's not in the hotel, and no one's seen her for hours.

- That's not a good sign.

- Ah. Did you get us a car?

(engine sputtering)

(Tommy clears throat)

- Eh? What do you think?

Nice, huh?

- What is it?

- It's my truck.

All it need's a little paint, new seat covers.

- Yeah. Toilet seat covers.

- Pfft. (Joanna laughs)

- The bank's courier is meeting us at the wharf.

Uh, Tommy, Joanna will go with you, Sam and Mona with us.

- All right.

- Oh, and, uh... try to keep up.

(spits, rubs hands together)

(telephone rings)

- You've earned your money.

(beep)

They're coming.

Keep on your toes. They're going to expect trouble.

(engine starts)

♪

They're here.

- Get down, get down, get down.

(truck backfires)

- Uhh!

(thuds)

- Aah!

- Uhh! Oh! Oh!

(guns cock)

- Stop, or else she's dead!

- Aah!

- Oh!

(gun cocks)

(telephone rings)

(ring)

- Yes?

Okay. (beep)

Your bank's courier is waiting for us in the port's office.

- Well, where is he?

- Right there.

♪

- Oh, Mr. Beacher.

I'm pleased to see you made it safe and sound.

- Here are your bonds, and they are safe and sound.

- And your affidavit, notarized and official.

Congratulations.

- Boy...

do you know women.

(stifles laugh)

(Tommy) - Stay tuned. The H.E.A.T. team will be right back.

♪

- Well, I hope they're not too hard on Lavinia.

After all, she did help us.

- She was able to make a deal on the local charges.

She's on her way back to Florida.

- Yeah, we got a great thank-you note for the donation.

Homeless Children of Rio will be very grateful.

- I hope we didn't make a mistake,

donating most of our fee to Sam's food charity.

- Oh, it's no big deal.

We still have the 10,000 Lavinia gave us.

- Uh... that is, unless the check bounced.

(gun clicks)

(Joanna) - It went through four banks...

before it made it. (laughs)

It was good. The check was good.

- We still have the cash she sent us.

- Yeah, 1,000 bucks. Green.

- Uh, you'd better give it to me...

so I'll put it in the bank.

- It's just paper.

- We've been scammed.

(laughs) I can't believe this.

We've been scammed. Ugh!

- By the best.

♪