Original subtitles

(announcer) -Tonight on "Acapulco H.E.A.T."...

♪

(gunshot)

- (screams)

- (laughing)

(cow mooing)

- Hold it!

(gunshot)

(woman) - ♪ Ah, can you feel it ♪

♪ Burn inside ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪

♪ Sweat drippin' down my spine ♪

♪ Makin' me hazy ♪

♪ Wet fingers touchin' mine ♪

♪ Makin' me crazy ♪

♪ Out on the street ♪

♪ I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ Deep in the darkest night ♪

♪ I feel the motion ♪

♪ Keep all my love alive ♪

♪ Come to the ocean ♪

♪ Out on the street ♪

♪ I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

♪ I feel, I feel, I feel the heat ♪

- Watch out for the laser beams.

We break one of these beams, it's over.

Remember, like we practiced.

Come on, come on.

Good, good.

You go on this side.

Easy. Easy.

The case is pressure sensitive.

Careful.

Careful. Careful.

Yeah.

Okay.

Now...

you ready?

One... two... three!

Okay... easy.

Easy.

Easy.

Slowly. Slowly.

(alarm blaring) Go, go, go, go!

- Boy, you'd make a great dad, Tommy.

- (sighs) Don't start with me.

- I mean it. Wouldn't he?

- Oh, absolutely.

- All right, I know I'm gonna regret this, but why?

- Well, if you can love an ugly, old piece of junk like that,

just think how you'd feel about a cute, little baby in diapers.

- Very funny.

(Cat) - Come on, put that down and help us.

- Oh, just a sec.

Okay if I ask you something personal?

- How personal?

- Okay, when you guys were kids,

who was your favorite family on TV?

- Well, believe it or not, I loved the Bradys.

But the Partridge family were pretty cool too.

- Yuck.

- You didn't like those shows?

- Nah.

Too syrupy for me.

Both of 'em.

Now, the Flintstones...

that's entertainment.

- You'd want Fred and Wilma as your mom and dad?

- Who said anything about them being my folks?

(fax machine beeping)

- I'll get it.

Hey, listen to this.

Sir Desmond Ashford,

director of the London Society of Antiquities,

wants to hire us.

- To do what?

- Uh, find something

called the spear of destiny.

- Oh, isn't that the, uh--

- It's an ancient artifact.

A Roman soldier supposedly stabbed Jesus Christ with it

while he was on the cross.

- Hey, let me see that.

(fax machine beeping)

Says it was stolen from a museum in Panama.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Society thinks it's either here or on the way.

- Any suspects?

- Two maybes.

Lyle Decker, who's a guru to a bunch of militants,

and, um...

oh, David Kelly,

better known as Dave the Wave.

- The surfer.

- Yeah. Former world champ.

Now over the hill.

- Hey, there's a surfing contest

north of here in Sayulita.

Starts Saturday.

Charity event.

- Nice cover.

- Speaking of charity,

how much is the Society willing to pay us?

- 5,000 as a retainer

and... (whistles)

20,000 if we recover the spear.

- Well, they've got my vote.

- Surfers, militants-- what's the connection?

- Well, the spear.

Decker wants it to rally supporters to his cause,

and Kelly to sell it for big bucks.

- They're kidding, right? - No.

According to the fax, that's what the spear is all about.

It's a rallying symbol for the loony fringe.

- Oh, just what we need, another Adolf Hitler.

- Oh, don't joke about things like that.

If we have another world war,

we won't be watching the Flintstones,

we'll be the Flintstones.

- Paraphrase Albert Einstein?

(imitating Einstein) I'm impressed.

So... are we in or not?

Well, fax Sir Desmond at the Society

and tell him the good news.

- Man, too bad the contest ain't today.

With sets like these, I'd rack up ten every ride.

- Yeah, but if everything goes as planned,

you may not be around for the contest.

- Lyle Decker is sponsoring the surfing contest?

- With his wife Hilda, yes.

- (scoffs)

It's unbelievable.

- What?

- Well, don't you find that an incredible coincidence?

Look, the only two suspects we have,

and suddenly they're conveniently linked together

by a charity event. - Oh, it gets better.

Dave the Wave is on the guest list

of the party at Decker's villa.

- Party?

What party?

Am I the only one around here who's out of the loop?

- We gotta get invited to Decker's party.

Then we can give the villa a quick once-over,

see if he's got the spear

or knows anything about the robbery.

- Easier said than done. - Can I say something?

- I don't think it should be too hard to crash the party.

- No, no, no, there's a better way, do you want me to tell you?

- Only if you put your hand down, it's not junior high, you know.

- Sorry, my mom's always getting on me for that.

- Joanna, cut to the chase.

- Well, this is a charity event, right?

So let's be charitable.

- How are you? Welcome, welcome.

Hello.

How are you? Welcome, welcome, good to see you.

I have to meet this woman.

(thumps microphone)

- Everybody, your attention please?

I hope you're enjoying yourselves.

(applause, cheers)

Wonderful, I have a surprise for you.

A fashion show featuring the latest

in hot and funky beachwear

brought to you by Acapulco Heat.

♪

(applause)

- Will you check that out?

- Nice.

- Ahh, I love Ejuwina.

- She would've made a great thief.

- Still can.

Bingo.

How good were you?

- The best.

Well, I may be a little rusty, but...

(click)

voila, as the French say.

- Damn.

(voice) - Sorry to disappoint you.

Perhaps you'd like to tell me what you're looking for.

- Oh, the bathroom, we only came in here for our clothes.

- I don't think so.

Dispose of them.

- We're not thieves, I swear.

We really were looking for the bathroom to get dressed.

- Behind the painting?

- That's my fault, Mr. Decker.

I'm very passionate about Mexican abstract,

and this one is beautiful.

- We didn't know there was a safe behind the painting

or an alarm.

(voice) - Coming through.

There you are.

I've been looking all over for you guys.

(whisper) Just be cool.

Lyle, dude, what's going on?

- None of your business.

- Now, is that any way to speak to an old buddy?

- What do you want, Kelly?

- Well, these two babes are friends of mine.

If they've done anything to tick you off,

I'm sure they didn't mean it. Right, guys?

- Absolutely.

- Ask your wife, we came here to support your charity.

- Charity is as charity does, I always say.

- Well, perhaps you're right, Mr. Kelly.

It'd be a shame to spoil such a lovely party

over a... minor misunderstanding.

Please, accept my apologies, ladies?

- Oh, gladly.

- Thank you.

Now, if you follow me, you can join us for drinks.

- I owe you one. - Me too, Mr. Kelly.

- I got dibs on the French babe-age.

Man, she's to die for.

- Forget it, Brownie, she's YMA on a big day.

(distant cross-talk)

(distant cross-talk)

(Lyle) - Ladies, it was a lovely presentation.

- Wasn't it though?

- Hilda, what're you doing? Can't you see I'm busy?

- Doing what? Humiliating me?

- Maybe I should go-- - No-no-no-no.

You stay right where you are.

Hilda, you're drunk as usual.

- Not so drunk that I don't know

what's going on between you two.

- All right, just stop it, come on.

- Oh, it's true-- you're pathetic, you know that?

You think you're gonna rule the world

with this bunch of misfits?

Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Lyle Decker--

- All right, now, just stop it.

Hilda, stop it.

Gentlemen, why don't you take my wife upstairs

and see that she gets some rest in her bedroom?

- Don't you touch me, let go of me.

- I'm sorry, sometimes Hilda doesn't realize

what a spectacle she makes of herself when she drinks.

- That's okay.

Oh, could you excuse me one moment?

- Sure... come back, won't you?

My friends, please, come, come.

First of all, I want to thank you all

for coming here today, taking time out of

your busy schedule,

I appreciate that, I'm very grateful.

As you know, this is a very special occasion today.

Our movement is gaining momentum all over the world.

Every day, I get hundreds of phone calls and letters

from people just like you.

Ready to rally to our cause.

The day has finally come for us as supremest

to take back control of the world from the minorities!

(applause)

(phone ringing)

- Yes? - Tommy, I found something.

- What? - A shipping manifest.

It belongs to a freighter, Island Queen, Panama City.

- That's where the spear was stolen from.

I don't suppose it was listed in the cargo.

- No, but listen to this.

There is a shipment of Panamian art

supposed to go to Mrs. Hilda Decker

to be delivered at the old bull ring, of all places.

- Bingo.

Okay, I'll pass it on to Joanna, now get out of there, okay?

- Okay.

- I've got it, Tommy, the Island Queen.

Docks in PV tomorrow afternoon.

(phone beeps)

(straining)

- (speaking French)

(sighing)

- That's bull.

Nicole wouldn't just leave without telling me.

- Well, that's-- that's between the two of you.

All I know is that she left with a gentleman in a Mercedes...

dark blue, wasn't it?

- I would still like to take a look around.

- Of course, be my guest.

Take her wherever she wants to go, all right?

- Ahh.

♪ (singing in French)

- Oh... my mistake.

- Pardon?

- I should know better than to lock a French woman

in a wine cellar.

- How dare you lock me in anywhere.

- Oh, temper temper.

- (speaking in French)

You want temper? I'll give you temper.

- Now...

mmm.

No more games.

Who are you? What're you doing here?

Tell me, or they will find you washed up on the beach.

(Nicole) - "Acapulco Heat" will be right back.

I will tell you nothing,

not until these morons let me go.

- All right, now, let's have it.

Who are you?

Why are you going through my things?

(distant gunshots)

Check it out.

Sounds like I'm not the only unwelcome guest.

(clicks off safety)

- Drop it.

- I don't think so.

- So help me, I'll shoot her.

- Go ahead, she means diddly-squat to me.

- Thanks a lot.

- You're bluffing.

- (chuckling)

Well, there's one way to find out.

- Please, you don't want to shoot--

(gunshot)

- Well, you certainly took your sweet time.

- I've dreamed of this moment too long to rush it.

I also wanted to make her sweat a little.

- Charming. What did I ever do to you?

- Personally? Nothing.

But dozens like you have made so many trips

to my husband's bedroom,

you've worn down the carpet.

- He wasn't my type.

- Is he your type?

- Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey, hold it.

We made need her later.

- For what? - To pay off Ramirez.

I kind of promised him I'd have a couple of babes

lined up when he docked.

- You're a pimp now?

- Hey, it's a guy thing.

Trust me, he just needs a little TLC,

just like the rest of us.

- I'm gonna hate this waiting.

- Me too.

- Look, maybe we should hit the villa now

instead of waiting till after dark.

- No, no, that's a bad idea.

I mean, somebody may see us.

And, uh...

- Yeah, right, but...

- Well, besides, I...

- What? Come on, come on, talk to me.

You got one of those gut feelings, right?

- Eh, either that or a bad case of border chilis.

- Oh, join the club, I've had heartburn since lunch.

Dumb salsa-- tastes great,

but eats a hole right through your--

- Joanna.

Look, I've learned to trust your judgment, okay?

If you say wait, we'll wait.

- But if Nicole's prisoner, then she's in danger.

- I don't even know if I'm right,

I just have this... this...

- Look, premonition, sixth sense, whatever.

It works for you, I'll take it to the bank.

- What if-- what if we steal the spear

and offer to trade it for Nicole?

What do you think?

- What do I think? - I know, it's a dumb idea.

- What I think is I'm glad you decided

to stop shucking corn and move to the big city.

- Hey, I never shucked corn.

Well, not a lot.

- Now, remember, just show Ramirez the money.

Don't give it to him until we get the spear.

- What, do you think he's going to rip us off?

- Why not? He's already proven he's dishonest

by lying on the cargo manifest.

Maybe his greed doesn't end there.

- It will if he's dead.

- Hmm, true.

How're you gonna take delivery?

- You'll see.

- What are you talking about?

I'm not going with you. That's what I got you for.

- Brownie, shame on you.

Did you forget to tell her? - Tell me what?

- There's been a change of plan, sweetheart.

- What the hell is going on here?

- You've been set up. Can't you see that?

- Set up? What are you talking about?

- Sit down. - How dare you--

you water-logged Neanderthal, let go of me.

- Water-logged Neanderthal?

I like it, it fits.

Calm down, my love,

there's no reason to go ballistic over

a friendly little double-cross.

- You conniving bastard.

- Probably.

- You're trading me for her.

- Bingo.

- What about Panama City and all that moonlight

and roses charm you fed me?

- Garbage, I'm ashamed to say.

- You're not ashamed of anything.

- Shallow is as shallow does.

Lock her in the garage, Sal.

- Why waste any time?

Why not kill me right here?

- Oh, sweetie, how could you ever think

I could do something like that?

- Because you cannot afford to let me live.

- (chuckling)

- Bastard.

And you, don't get too comfortable.

You're next.

- You mean, we won't always have Paris?

- To Paris.

- Forget Paris.

I am more interested in our future,

or was Hilda right?

My future is only temporary?

- Life's only temporary.

Why should relationships be any different?

- Hmm, live hard, die young,

and be buried with a good-looking corpse, right?

- Works for me. What about you?

- Only my wish was there was something I look forward to.

- (chuckles)

No, I meant, what about your business?

- C'est la vie.

- And your partner? - Cat will understand.

There was never enough money for two, anyway.

- So we have a deal?

- On one condition. - Name it.

- You do not kill me until we spend the millions

you'll get from the spear.

- A boy just delivered this, says it's from Nicole.

- Put it on the wall.

- Hi, guys, as you can see, I am at Lyle's villa.

- What is she doing there with a glass of champagne?

- Cat, you must be wondering what I am doing here.

- Wow, you guys are really in sync.

- I'm ashamed to say this,

but I was too chicken

to face you and tell you the truth.

- Truth? - I'm quitting Acapulco Heat.

- I'll bet someone's making her say that.

- I know you must think that I'm being forced to say this,

but I'm not.

This is all my idea.

Kelly's taking me to Paris.

And since I've always wanted to live there,

and nowhere else,

I know you will understand why I must leave so suddenly.

Au revoir, my friends.

- "Since I've always wanted to live there and nowhere else."

what a crock.

- Nicole knew we'd pick up on that.

- She must really be in big trouble.

(Joanna) - Stay tuned, the HEAT team will be right back.

- Okay, we're going in.

- I read you.

- What is she doing with them?

- Good question.

Where's Lyle Decker?

- "Curiouser and curiouser," said Alice.

- Yeah, but this ain't Wonderland.

- Don't do this, Ramirez.

I planned this, I came up with the money.

- Shut up!

You got a choice.

Deal with Kelly or pick an undertaker.

- Deal.

What about her?

- After we finish having our fun with her,

pass her over to the picadores or the crew.

Let's move the crate.

- It's not too late, Hector.

- Late for what? - Work with me--

and I'll make you rich and happy.

- Yeah, huh? I'll take my chances with Kelly.

- No, please--

(screaming)

(screaming)

(mooing)

Let me out!

(mooing)

- Hey, get that five million dollars out of my van.

Okay? - Good job.

(laughing)

(mooing)

(screaming)

- What's all that screaming about?

- I don't know, we couldn't see what happened.

There's no time to find out, they're leaving.

Look, keep this line open, because, if these jokers are

headed back to the villa, we might need your help.

Okay, let's go back to the car.

- What do you want me to do? - No, nothing right now.

Look, just jump in your car,

head for the villa, and, uh, stay in touch.

- Uh-huh?

That's great.

Nice going, guys.

They're on their way.

We did it, baby.

Old Kelly's pulled it off.

- Well, let us celebrate.

I'll get some champagne.

- Mmm.

Bring two bottles.

This is one party I don't want to end.

- Come on, come on, where are you, Joanna?

- Hi, you've reached Acapulco Beach Fashion.

We're not in at the moment, but if you leave

your name and number, we'll call you right back.

(beep) - Damn!

Joanna, this is Nicole.

Tell Cat and Tony that Kelly's men have the spear--

- That's too bad.

You and me, we-- we could've had fun together.

But now you're just a meal for the crabs.

- Hey, you in position, Joanna?

- Roger.

- Okay, now wait 30 seconds

and then do what I told you.

- You got it-- oh, Tommy?

- Not now, Wilma.

- But I-- - I said not now.

(dial tone)

- Okay, Fred,

don't say I didn't try to tell you.

(tires screeching)

- Hey, what's the matter with you-- you blind or something?

Didn't you see me coming? - Shut up-- what difference does that make?

You don't own this damn road.

- You're crazy, don't you know anything about right of way?

- That's bull-- - Oh... (indistinct ranting)

- Who said-- who said you could drive my truck?

- My car wouldn't start-- I tried to tell you, but you cut me off.

- Oh. - Tommy, not now.

- Yeah, but look at it, it's all crunched in.

- Oh, how would you know? Your whole truck's one big fender-bender.

- Hello? Hello?

The villa? Nicole? Now, we're running out of time,

so get with it.

- All right, all right, you stay here

and don't put any more dents in my truck.

- Oh, how would you know if I did?

(engine starts)

- You ever do any surfing?

- No. - Oh, that's too bad.

You don't know what you're missing.

- I think I will survive.

- You know what, all my life, I've had this dream.

It's summer, and a bunch of us

spend the day hanging out at the beach.

Waxing our boards,

dreaming of this giant set of waves

that'll give us the ride of our lives.

- And? - Then one Monday,

Big Monday, we called it, it happened.

Monster set.

Each wave bigger and more perfect than the last.

Pure heaven.

After that, everything that we had done

or were going to do just didn't matter anymore.

Because we had lived our dream and experienced perfection.

- Is there a point to all of this?

- Today's my Big Monday.

- Is he coming? - Yep, alone.

- Okay, you take him, while I go and find Nicole.

- (Kelly laughing)

(gunshots)

- Sorry it took so long.

- Hey! - Wouldn't shoot me in the back, would you?

(gunshot)

(Kelly coughing)

You...

you stole my... dream...

- Gun, Hilda.

- It's not true, you know?

I mean, about the spear.

Having it doesn't mean you can rule the world.

- The gun.

(Tommy) - The HEAT team will be right back.

- Oh, no!

- Is something wrong? - Worse than wrong.

- What? Like what?

- This spear is a fake.

- Impossible, the crate came right from the ship.

It looks perfect. - I don't care.

I looked up the history of the spear on my computer,

and... and...

- Right, nice try, Joanna.

- No, I'm serious.

The genuine spear has three rings.

- Sort of like a secondhand artifact?

- (laughing)

- Congratulations, you really had us going there.

- I did, didn't I?

Ahh, the spear is beautiful, isn't it?

- If you are into spears, it is.

But for scaring me,

I am deducting your share for my welfare.

- Hey, no fair-- I was kidding.

- I'm not, get her money.

I need to fix my truck.

- Junk it, that's the fix.

- I know how to make it all better.

And it won't cost you a dime.

- Yeah, how?

- First, remove the floorboard.

- What?

- So your legs and feet can touch the ground.

- My legs and... - Yeah.

- Wait-- - "The Flintstones"!

Yabba-dabba doo!

- Shut up, Wilma.

- I was gonna suggest you do something with the spear.

♪