Original subtitles

[dance music playing]

[server] I’m sorry, ma’am. You said green chile shrimp?

[V] Chicken. A green chile pupusa with chicken and a black coffee.

If there’s nothing else, you can move on to the next window.

- What do you want? - Nothing.

- This shit make my stomach hurt. - You never got anything like that?

Did I ever get sued for two and a half million dollars?

What do I look like, Microsoft?

You really poked the bear.

I didn’t do anything.

According to her, you did a lot.

"Befriended, enticed, seduced, cajoled, cheated."

Somebody went buck wild on Synonyms.com.

- [horn honks] - [driver] Come on. Move up!

What do you want me to do? There’s a line!

But I didn’t break the law. Look, it says right there.

"Everything Mr. Sterling gave me is a gift."

How can she take back gifts? How is that even a legit lawsuit?

Here it goes:

she’s saying he bought you shit with her money.

"Community property."

But some of this is income from my work at the Sterling Foundation.

V, you really think Rochelle wants to drive all the way downtown...

[distorted] ...and face you in front of a judge and everything?

She doesn’t wanna acknowledge you exist.

You just gotta run up your little white flag...

[normal] ...and tell her you’re sorry.

[honks]

[Deja] It’s a red light.

- V, you just ran a red light! - I know how to drive.

I thought we were going to my house. Why are you driving west?

Are you insane?

- I just wanna talk to her. - No, no, no, no, no.

You said you wanted me to read a legal document,

not jump an elderly white lady.

I’m not doing this, V. Take me home.

What is she gonna do when she sees us pull up at midnight,

put out tea and crumpets?

She’s gonna shoot our Black asses.

I’m not Black.

Be whatever you wanna be in your mind, you look Black.

And even if they just arrest us, you’re trying to adopt those boys, right?

You wanna explain a fresh arrest in family court?

Hazards. Hazards!

Listen. Unfortunately, it is a man’s world.

God cursed Eve and all that.

But you can still make him do what you want.

You need to make him so afraid of losing you,

he will do anything to get her off your back.

He used to do that on his own.

You used to make him feel all Richard Gere.

Now you take the lifestyle for granted.

Look, you have been blessed with blue chip pussy. Use it.

Make him feel like a big man again.

Blow his fucking mind.

[vehicles passing]

[person speaks indistinctly]

[engine rumbles, passes]

[V] How do I look?

We need to get you that HD makeup that deflects light.

- [V scoffs] - V, don’t go all Fast and Furious again.

You’re gonna give him an aneurysm with that ass.

You’re 31. Cream curdles.

Same as playing ball.

They give you 15 years to earn.

Then you gotta find your own revenue stream.

Lean In, like that bitch said.

I am.

I’m lining myself up to run the Clippers organization.

[chuckling] Oh, yeah.

From sidepiece to C-suite, that classic American tale.

[laughs]

Don’t take it personal.

They pay the Lakers Girls $85 a game.

It’s just not a sector where women thrive.

[shop assistant] How’s everything fitting?

Fabulous. Thank you so much.

[Deja] Look, it wasn’t easy for me either.

People think you make bank veejaying MTV Spring break.

Three summers in South Padre Island, and I didn’t even keep the bikinis.

All I had was my name and a phone full of rich dick.

And eventually, those numbers stopped working.

But your name is your moneymaker.

People will buy your shit if you-- What are you doing?

They won’t miss ’em.

They cost a dollar to make, and they charge 200.

With that kind of margin, do you think this hurts them?

Do you think $2.5 million hurts Shelly Sterling?

There’s no such thing as stealing from a rigged game.

Shelly Sterling is the one who steals.

She rips off her tenants, and she barely pays taxes.

Anyway, I’m paying for this.

[buzzer sounds]

Clippers’ curse.

- What’d you say? - My dad says you’re cursed.

Messed up the chance to draft Scottie Pippen,

Reggie Miller and Kobe Bryant.

Every time you did get a good player, they got hurt.

Danny Manning and Ron Harper blew their ACLs.

Marques Johnson broke his neck and never played again.

Team ruins every good player they get.

- Is that right? - Mm-hmm.

[game beeps]

Your face is cursed.

Come on, DJ.

Don’t worry about that damn kid, man.

[buzzer sounds]

[Seth] Bleacher Report wants to profile DeAndre

on how he turned his free throw game around.

GQ wants something on JJ’s haircut.

They can do that without talking to the players.

No press till we get through playoffs.

[Donald] Maybe he’s fast, even on his stumps.

Hello, Doc. I’m talking about Oscar Pistorius.

He shot his girlfriend through a bathroom door.

[Doc] Listen, we have to keep it predictable.

These guys are freaks for routine.

CP has to do everything in threes or he gets very fucking nervous.

If JJ doesn’t have a baked potato at exactly 4:30,

he can’t even fucking walk straight.

Let’s bring in meditation trainers like Oprah did with her company.

Create an impenetrable dome of mental stability.

[Donald] The gay kid from MSNBC.

He can deny it all he wants.

- He’s obviously Sinatra’s son. - [sauna guest sighs]

Google it. Google the eyes.

Did we get disconnected? Goddamn touch screens.

- Donald, I’m here. - [Donald scoffs]

You’re a deep well, in your head a lot.

A lone hand like the Batman.

I’m the opposite, very social.

Love to talk, to laugh, to touch.

You can think while this is going on?

Some might think we wouldn’t get along.

[Seth] You were saying, Doc, about the, uh...

[clears throat] ..."dome of stability."

[Doc] We’re not cramming for a math test, man.

It’s the playoffs.

Our guys need to be human Xanax.

Even with three seconds on the game clock.

Even with 12 million people watching.

Even with the most prolific shit-talkers in the world

passionately devoted to making them trip on their dicks.

[Donald] ♪ America God shed His grace on thee ♪

- [humming] - How long does he usually go on?

- Like 20 minutes. - That’s what this country is about.

- Sometimes an hour. - [assistant] Sometimes all day.

I think of you as a kind of brother.

An Indiana guy with very long arms, half a freak.

[Doc] I don’t know who you’re talking about.

He can pick his toes without bending down.

Come on. You know who I’m talking about.

Where is SportsCenter? I just saw him.

[Doc] Call Gary, Donald.

I don’t wanna get into trades until we’re closer to--

My dermatologist says everybody’s looking at this guy.

- Everybody. - [Doc] Can you turn it down?

I’m going deaf on my end.

I got this peckerhead put new surround sound in. Now nothing works.

[Doc groans] Donald, just put your thoughts in an email. I gotta go.

Oh, Jesus. What happened to Joe Piscopo?

- [Brian] Comedian Joe Piscopo swaps... - He looks embalmed.

...with another known entertainer.

- Mr. Sterling. - Jesus Christ. What’s wrong with you?

Don’t you see I’m in the middle of something?

Hello? Doc?

Now look. You cut me off.

You’re not gonna understand because you don’t do anything with your life,

but certain business relationships require a personal touch.

I needed to see you.

I tried ringing the doorbell, but you didn’t answer.

Did you swallow your fucking key?

What are you doing?

Get up. You’re embarrassing yourself.

What is this?

Everything you bought me.

I’m giving it back.

I didn’t know it was community property.

I don’t know what that means, "com-- community property."

You’re not being clear.

Remember where we got these?

The Beverly Wilshire, the Pretty Woman hotel.

Remember at CUT, I didn’t even know that when you order a steak,

- it doesn’t come with a potato or anything? - V.

I was scared to use the hotel robe because I thought they might charge you.

And then you picked out these.

And you said they made my smile look so white.

The ones I’d had in were yellow topaz from Claire’s Accessories.

I had nothing when I met you.

You saved my life.

A beautiful girl shouldn’t worry about where the money comes from.

It makes me happy to give it to you.

That’s not what Mrs. Sterling thinks. She thinks I’m a thief.

Why do you worry about what Shelly thinks?

- She’s suing me. - She’s not gonna go through with it.

Honey, come here. Come here.

Now, what are you scared of?

Hmm? Tell me.

I’m scared she’s going to take everything away.

How am I going to survive?

How am I going to live without you?

Shh. Shh, shh.

I’m not going anywhere.

I’ll talk to her.

I’ll make it all go away.

[V] I love you.

[Shelly] What’s she doing here?

[Donald] I love you, beautiful.

Now go wait at the Chevron.

Shelly!

[water splashes]

[grunts]

What is this?

Are you nuts?

Sixty years.

I have worked so hard

to pretend we had a normal life for 60 years.

Stop and think what you’re doing.

Why don’t you take a pill?

These are cherished memories!

These are make-believe.

Two people playing house,

and meanwhile you’re out flaunting your girls all over town.

So everybody knows how pathetic I am.

Nobody thinks that.

- Everybody loves you. - [groans]

- Everybody but you! - Ow!

I protect you.

I hide your mess.

And what do I get?

You bring it right back to my front door,

letting her come here in the middle of the night.

Why did you come here?

I wanted to see you.

- Liar. - She’s just a kid.

- You’re my girl. - She’s your girl.

You don’t stroke my hair or pull me onto your lap.

You don’t sleep in my bed.

Honey, you’re jealous?

Everybody has always wanted a piece of you.

When I came to Roosevelt, it was "Donny, Donny, Donny.

Mr. Personality, captain of the gymnastics team."

And then I saw you in your white shorts on the parallel bars.

I was jealous of the idea of any other girl having you.

Shelly, such passion.

If I was smart, I’d go out and get my own V.

But you’re still that boy on the parallel bars to me.

I don’t want anybody else.

I’m your husband.

I’m always going to be.

My little turtle shell.

["Always" playing on harp]

[Donald moans]

Yeah.

[music ends]

[store announcer] Cashier needed up front. Cashier needed up front.

[Doc] Elgin.

Hi, Doc.

How are you, sir?

You look...

Let’s not get into saying things we don’t mean.

No, you do.

I hear you’ve been able to do great things with the team.

Have you had a chance to watch us?

Not really.

Twenty-two years working for Donald ruined

that particular pastime for me a little bit.

How you doing with him?

You know the mood swings, boundary issues.

I mean, he’s a piece of work, but I’m managing.

Some things can’t be managed.

Hey, why don’t you, uh,

let me have you and Elaine down for one of the playoff games?

It would mean a lot to the guys.

It’s good to see you, Doc.

Oh, hey, man.

- Hey, Doc. - [grunts]

I was expecting you to be this other guy.

I changed my whole schedule to avoid this dude.

He does this orgasmic breathing thing.

Oh, I know that guy.

- He never wipes down the elliptical. - Yeah.

- I miss my home in Boston. - Mmm.

I gotta have a ten-minute conversation just to get my car out of valet.

They won’t let you self-park.

- Everybody wants a piece. - A big, friendly piece.

[sighs] But listen, you don’t wanna stick around in this building.

You wanna get yourself a place up in the Bird Streets.

Keanu’s up there. DiCaprio.

The bachelors like it because it’s near the Chateau.

- Oh, well, I’m-- I’m married. - Right.

Sure.

[whispers] Of course, I brought in a decorator to redo my condo.

She said she’d never done such an extensive renovation

without the wife.

Wink, wink.

But you’re together, right?

[normal] Oh, yeah. We together. We good. We good. We good.

Although I do have a habit of thinking that everything is great,

and then somebody taps me on the shoulder like this and says,

"Look over there.

- You’re totally fucked." - [chuckles]

It’s a fine line between optimism and obliviousness.

Oh, yeah.

- I saw a great man today at the market. - Mmm.

Elgin Baylor, arguably one of the top ten players ever in the NBA,

and he’s the first dude to ever really play above the rim.

And then he went to the Clippers’ front office for a long time.

Today, with a discount pork cutlet in his basket,

he looked like he’d had a curse put on him.

Like something had killed the light in his eyes.

Maybe you heard the Clippers are cursed.

Now, I don’t believe that kind of stuff,

but today I felt like Elgin was warning me that I had the curse on me too.

I just didn’t know it yet.

When people tell you that you’re cursed,

they just want you to fail.

Ask me, I think you’re doing all right.

Thank you.

- Hey. Let me ask you something. - Hmm?

How you get the line on your beard so tight?

I microblade.

Oh.

So, "Why did Jess and Leslie invent Terabithia?"

Think of what was jacked up in their lives that made them want to escape

to a magical place.

[phone buzzes]

- [speaks Spanish] - Mm-mmm.

[line ringing]

Ten more minutes and then set the table, okay?

Okay.

- [automated voice] You’ve reached... - [Donald] Donald Sterling.

[automated voice] Please record--

[pots clanking]

Nobody ever passed language arts dicking around on Snapchat.

[fans chanting] Let’s go Clippers! Let’s go! Come on!

- Let’s go Clippers! Let’s go! - [clapping]

- Let’s go Clippers! Let’s go! - Come on!

Let’s go Clippers! Let’s go!

- Let’s go Clippers! Let’s go! - [clapping]

Let’s go, Clippers! Let’s go!

[chattering]

Hi. There was a mix-up with my ticket.

I wonder, could you call up to Mr. Sterling, please?

[guard] Our orders already came from the Sterlings to limit VIP access tonight.

It’s getting close to the playoffs.

You understand.

[fan shouting] Lob city!

[announcer] We wanna see you on the big screen,

so be up out of your seats, ready to cheer for your team!

And don’t forget your bobblehead.

Pick up your bobblehead...

[chattering]

[hip-hop music playing]

- You want me to tell you your essence? - [footsteps approaching]

- Andy. - [Andy] Whoa!

You all right?

Hi.

Uh, yeah. Just, uh--

Just getting my steps in.

- Okay. - Yeah, okay.

[birds squawking]

[panting, mutters]

- [grunts] Mr. Sterling. - What are you doing here?

If-- If I don’t answer your calls, it’s because I don’t wanna talk to you.

Yeah. I-I know. That’s why I came.

Yeah. Um--

So V sent a recording to the front office last night

of a, uh-- a private conversation between the two of you.

Uh, it was unflattering.

Why? What’s on it?

Uh, maybe I can come up and play it for you.

Sure, Andy. Pull up a chair. Let me make you an iced tea.

Just tell me what’s on the fucking tape.

Um. It’s, uh--

It’s a fight between you over V’s social media usage,

uh, her propensity for posting images of herself with, uh, African Americans.

What does it show, Andy?

What’s on the video?

[smacks lips] Actually, it’s an audiotape.

Well, then, actually who cares?

Only that, um--

Mr. Sterling, uh, the-- the picture precipitating the fight

was of Magic Johnson.

So it might be of public interest,

and, uh, you make certain statements about African Americans.

What’s going on? V sent a tape?

[Donald] It’s nothing, honey.

Andy’s giving himself palpitations over nothing.

- Can I hear it? - [Andy] Uh...

Jesus, you two schoolgirls wanna go in a corner and braid each other’s hair?

It’s gossip. Waste of time.

So, uh, what do you want me to do with it?

Delete it, you deep thinker.

What about V? She must’ve meant it as a threat.

Honey, we took her tickets. She’s sulking.

She’s not going to bite the hand that feeds her.

Andy, honey, you look like raw beef.

Come inside. I’ll give you some sunscreen.

Are there recommended treatments for people who work on camera,

to perfect the skin’s texture?

[receptionist] A lot of our patients have seen improvement with laser therapy,

but there’s no way to make scarring totally disappear.

I didn’t say anything about scarring.

[sighs]

[receptionist] I’m so sorry.

Dr. Behzadi is running just a bit behind schedule.

[sighs]

[Shelly] Sorry.

My lawyer referred me to

a Pierce O’Donnell for counsel.

Is there an office back here?

[housekeeper] Nay, he lives in the pool house.

[Pierce] Oh. Oh, dear. Did we have an appointment?

[Shelly] Well, I’m Shelly Sterling.

Damn it. I’m sorry. I’ve been missing calls.

[TV plays, indistinct]

Yeah.

Bert told me that this Stiviano woman has not responded to your suit.

- Do you know if she’s retained counsel? - I don’t know.

I only know she has recordings of my husband,

and Bert told me you are the finest legal mind in America, is what he said.

Mrs. Sterling, a few years ago,

I had a national practice, an A1 reputation.

Variety called me "the Billion-Dollar Litigator."

Please, have a seat.

And I even wrote a book.

It became a bestseller.

Here. Take one.

[clears throat] And then I donated a little more to a presidential candidate

than is strictly legal, and everything went to hell.

Multimillion dollars in legal fees,

a 60-day stay courtesy of the government at Lompoc.

And only by the grace of God did I have a friend

who was willing to let me live here.

And I think that’s why Bert Fields has sent you to me.

Because you live in a pool house?

Because I know what it’s like to be humiliated

and dispossessed.

I won’t let that happen to you.

[breathes deeply]

Dealing with V has taken over my life.

She is a bad, bad person.

I got ahold of an audio tape.

[stutters] I listened to it.

She made him say all kind of awful things.

Put the genie back in the bottle.

That’s what you and your husband are looking to do.

Yes.

But I don’t want Donald involved.

[stutters] His judgment...

Murky, when it comes to women.

Murky. Precisely.

Well, it’s just you and me and the detritus of my former life.

Why don’t we listen to the tape?

He wasn’t himself.

[Donald] Why would you do that?

Are you stupid or something?

You wanna broadcast to the world that you walk around with a man like that?

[V] Honey, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry too.

I wish I could change the color of my skin.

No. That’s not the issue. The issue is we don’t have to broadcast everything.

I’m not broadcasting anything!

Then why are you taking pictures with minorities? Why?

What’s wrong with minorities? What’s wrong with Black people?

- [chair scrapes] - [V groans]

[footsteps departing]

You associate with Black people.

I’m not you, and you’re not me.

You’re supposed to be a delicate white or delicate Latina girl.

I am a mixed girl, and you’re in love with me.

I’m Black and Mexican whether you like it or not.

And you want me to have hate towards Black people.

I don’t want you to have hate.

That’s what people-- They turn things around.

I want you to love them privately.

You think I’m a racist.

I don’t think so.

I think you have an amazing heart, honey.

But the people around you have a poison mind.

It’s the world.

The Blacks are just treated like dogs.

And is that right?

We don’t evaluate what’s right and wrong.

We live in a culture.

We have to live within that culture.

But shouldn’t we take a stand for what’s wrong

and be the change and the difference?

I don’t wanna change.

If my girl can’t do what I want, I don’t want the girl.

There’s no need to get upset.

Don’t come to my games.

Don’t bring Black people, and don’t come.

Do you know that you have a whole team of Black people that play for you?

Do I know? I support them.

I give them food and clothes and cars and houses.

Who gives it to them?

Does someone else give it to them?

Do I know that I have--

Who makes the game? Do I make the game? Or do they make the game?

Is there 30 owners who created the league?

I’m not going to bring any Black people to the stadium.

Isn’t it easy to say that?

It’s easy for you to say that.

I would never ask anyone not to bring someone based on race.

It’s like saying, "Let’s just persecute and kill all the Jews."

You’re a mental case.

- The Holocaust? We’re comparing to-- - Racism, discrimination.

There’s no racism here.

If you don’t want to walk

into a basketball game with a certain person,

is that racism?

[person] And then what did you do?

I’m sorry.

[V] I said I was sorry.

- I deleted the picture. - I’m sorry too, okay?

- [V] Then I gave him a kiss. - We good?

[person] Were you surprised he reacted this way?

No.

Did you maybe want him to react this way?

I wanted to make him jealous.

He was taking me for granted.

We were supposed to go look at this piece of property,

a duplex I wanted to buy

to help get these kids I’m adopting into a better situation.

Well, anyway, that’s not even the worst tape.

I have videos, pictures.

I had to keep an archive because Donald always goes back on his promises.

Are you suggesting blackmail?

I don’t want to do anything illegal.

I just want them to drop the lawsuit.

That ship has sailed.

Now that you have sent that tape to Mr. Andy Roeser,

we are undoubtedly in a hostile situation.

But... [sighs] ...I don’t think Mrs. Sterling’s lawsuit has merit.

The cars, the house-- these are gifts.

Mrs. Sterling may not like that her husband gave you gifts,

but if I were to give to Meals on Wheels,

and my wife hates Meals on Wheels and is made jealous by Meals on Wheels,

what can she do?

She can be angry with me, but can she sue Meals on Wheels? No.

Then we need to keep raising the stakes until they back off.

Look, these kind of people,

they just want to show in public who has the power.

But what happens behind the curtain, that is negotiable.

We need to show them that I have the power.

I don’t think that is the best approach.

But will you be my lawyer no matter what?

[sighs]

You are very Hollywood.

Thank you.

["Work it" playing]

[Ralph Lawler] Welcome to Game One of the 2014...

- Thank you. - ...NBA Western Conference playoffs.

Now, the starting lineup for your Los Angeles Clippers.

[fans cheering]

At 6’4’’ tall, number four, JJ Redick.

[fans cheering]

At 6’7’’, number 22, Matt Barnes.

And at 6’11’’, from Texas A&M, DeAndre Jordan.

- [fan] Let’s go, Jordan! - Yeah!

[speaks indistinctly]

♪ Your girl acting stank Then call me over ♪

♪ Not on the bed Lay me on your sofa ♪

- [buzzer sounds] - [music ends]

- Yo! - Watch your man!

- [fan 2] Let’s go, Chris. - [fan 3] Let’s go!

[fan 4] Go, Chris!

[Doc] Shake and drive!

There we go! Oh!

- [Big Baby] Breathe! - [Alvin] Get back! Get back! Get back!

[coach] Yes, sir! [shouts]

I hurt your feelings?

- [stammers] I hurt your feelings? - Come on.

You a pussy. That’s what you do.

How the fuck do you see the basket with those tiny eyes?

Shut the hell up, man.

Come on!

[coach] Make that, son! Yeah, son. Yeah, son.

[Clipper 1] Breathe!

- Come on! - [whistle blows]

Time out! Let’s go!

It’s 48 minutes like any other game, okay? Slow it down.

[buzzer sounds]

- I’m telling you, man. - Damn, she fine.

Yeah, I see it right there. Shit!

Phones! Phones!

[chuckles]

What happens when you miss one minute on the Internet?

Scrimmage. Let’s go, now. Let’s go! [claps]

- [Ty] Set it up! Set it up! - [Alvin] Let’s go, boys.

- Right there, right there, right there! - Hey!

- Watch the block. - Let’s go, boy.

Proving Sterling right, DJ. Should’ve traded your ass last summer.

- Damn, Doc. Mm-hmm. - Damn, Coach.

- Check the ball up, yo. - What?

You need Blake to teach you how to inbound the fucking ball?

Let’s go!

[Chris] Come on, DJ. Come on.

[JJ] Come on, fella. There you go.

- Ball, ball, ball, ball, ball. - Stay focused.

- Pass that back, Matt. - Let’s go.

- Damn, you that lazy in bed, Matt? - Hop out.

No wonder your wife is leaving you.

- Doc. - [player whistles]

[Jamal] Ay, he do this with the Celtics?

Hell no. You don’t need a coach to be a sadist when you got Kevin Garnett.

Oh! You miss KG, Big Baby?

That’s good,

’cause when he found out you were coming out here,

he asked me when I was finally gonna send your ass to Jenny Craig.

- Oh, shit. He calling you out, man. - [Doc] What?

You wondering why you’re not a champion like your friend LeBron?

[Jamal] Damn.

Maybe it has something to do with your thin fucking skin. Let’s go.

- [Chris] Let’s go. - [Blake] By yourself. By yourself!

Oh, left. My bad, JJ.

- There you go! - There you go, man.

At least my wife still loves me.

Oh, shit.

[laughs]

[imitates JJ’s laugh]

You like when Black guys joke, JJ?

You like our game?

If you gonna get more than that little forearm tattoo,

you gonna have to say the N-word.

You from Tennessee, ain’t you? I know you thought it.

And if you thought it, then basically you said it.

- Yo, right. - Yeah!

N-N-N-N-Never.

- [cheering] - Yes, sir.

- I got it, I got it, I got it. - You gotta pass now.

[fans cheering]

Go! Let it go! Yeah! Yeah!

[Ralph Lawler speaks indistinctly]

The Clippers wore out the Warriors tonight.

The teams are tied up, 1 to 1.

We’ll see each other in Oakland for game three.

[reporter] Bad boy Kanye West is back in the hot seat,

arrested for sparring with a paparazzo outside LAX.

[doorbell rings]

- Snail jizz on your face? - It’s an illuminating mask.

You don’t call before you come over?

I’m not calling your stupid ass.

And you shouldn’t call anybody either. Your phone may be bugged.

A lawyer came to my house.

Squinty sea captain-looking guy, Mr. O’Donnell, asking about you.

How did he get your address?

I’m saying! They’re into your records.

He was asking all kinds of questions about your past.

- What did you tell him? - I didn’t say shit.

I am not involved.

But you need to be aware that Mr. O’Donnell knows a lot about you.

Does he know I’m adopting Daniel and David?

I don’t know.

Why wouldn’t he?

I mean, what happened?

You had your outfit. I gave you my pep talk.

Didn’t you go see Mr. Sterling?

Didn’t you tug his chain till he rolled over like a good boy?

He doesn’t...

We don’t do that.

Don’t do what?

We don’t have sex.

What the fuck do you do, then?

It’s not-- [stammers]

It’s a friendship.

"A friendship."

[sighs]

Shit.

Then you are truly fucked.

[Doc] You know, we win when we execute our plan and

and right now my job as coach is just to make sure--

[scoffs] Shut up, Doc.

Yeah, I’d like a black forest ham on ciabatta,

but do you have something a little bolder than the Emmental cheese?

- What happened? - Yeah, no.

Yeah, I’ll call back. Thank you.

- Come in, come in. - I don’t want to come into your room.

I want to know what happened. TMZ has the tape.

- What? - TMZ. They called me for comment.

The paparazzi scum, TMZ.

Were you in jail a thousand years?

- I know who TMZ is, but I did not give them the tape. - I know you didn’t.

But why wouldn’t V at least give us a chance to buy it?

All right. We’re gonna have to put a PR team together

and develop a media strategy.

I’m not letting this thing blow up in public. Are you crazy?

No, no. We need to find out how much it’s gonna cost to stop TMZ running the tape.

Shelly, money is not gonna solve this thing.

V didn’t negotiate with you because what she wants is attention.

That is exactly the same thing that TMZ wants.

Media strategy, huh? What are you after?

- Your picture in Variety again? - Oh, come on.

I have never done an interview in my life, and I’m not about to start now.

And take your bestseller back.

- 600 pages? - Shelly.

How much is there to say about Art Buchwald?

Hey, Doc. Doc, one second.

Um... [clears throat]

...I got a call from TMZ.

They are about to publish a private tape of Donald.

- They wanna give us a chance to comment. - What kind of private tape?

I don’t know, a tape of him and V.

They’re gonna put that on the Internet?

Wide world of kink online. You know, th-th-there’s a market for everything.

Celebrity porn is huge,

even if the celebrity is not aesthetically--

Look, there’s always gonna be a tabloid story.

- I don’t have time. - You literally don’t have time.

Right. This is an Andy thing.

Okay, I will make sure that Andy is on it.

It’s just-- We’re getting a copy if you wanna see it.

- No. Right. - I have to to prepare for PR purposes.

Just get that image out of my head, okay?

[smacks lips, vocalizing]

♪ Yo, yo, yo, yo baby pop Yeah you, come here Give me a kiss ♪

♪ Better make it fast Or else I’m gonna get pissed ♪

[reporter] The whitest here. All the way.

That should get that image right out of your head.

[Seth] ♪ Push it real good ♪

- So you know... - [Seth] Have a good trip.

...TMZ is about to put out a tape

of our idiot owner and his girlfriend.

[all groaning, chattering]

- Not gonna be a big deal. - Like a mixtape?

- We’ll never speak of it again. - [player] Girl from Oklahoma?

- [Doc] How’s your shoulder? - It works.

They numbed me up.

Might try some new shit for the inflammation.

They do these therapies now with frog poison.

No frogs until we win a championship, okay?

No, you just keep it conventional.

If it hurts tonight, I wanna know about it.

Man, Doc, it’s the playoffs. Nothing hurts.

- Bet that. - God!

- I’m just kidding. It’s the other shoulder. - [chuckles]

Okay, slick.

[fans cheering]

Play your game! Play your game!

Work! Work! Work!

- Watch out. - [JJ] I got him.

- [buzzer sounds] - [whistle blows]

Not today!

The refs ain’t gonna save your ass today.

[Ralph Lawler] Bingo! Your LA Clippers snatch

a 2 to 1 lead over the Warriors.

Winning ugly is beautiful.

[Donald] Doc!

How about that?

Tell your coach, next time, don’t make it so close.

After I give him a big kiss, I will.

Where’s the valet ticket?

- You took it from the guy. - I took it and gave it to you.

Well, I don’t have it. Why would I have--

What is your hurry? Don’t you wanna go to the locker room?

Donald, we have to talk about what’s happening.

Why can’t you be happy?

Look where we are.

You’re worried about a big nothing.

[assistant 2] Mr. Sterling, you need your car?

Yes.

♪ Shabooya Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪

- ♪ My name is CP ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ I’m going vegan ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ But first I’m eating... ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ ...the Warriors’ season Roll call ♪ - ♪ Roll call ♪

♪ Shabooya Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪

- ♪ My name DeAndre ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪

- ♪ Oakland’s in trouble ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ ’Cause I just scored... ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ ...a double double Roll call ♪ - ♪ Roll call ♪

♪ Shabooya Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪

- ♪ My name is JJ ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ I pulled the trigger ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ But what I won’t do... ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ ...is say my... ♪

[all screaming, laughing]

♪ Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪

♪ My name is Doc ♪

- Hey! - [all laughing]

All right, guys. Listen.

I love the intensity you showed tonight.

Everybody’s always saying that Oakland’s the grittier team.

We’re all Hollywood and flash.

You showed this town tonight.

You have the grit.

This is the stuff that championships are built on.

Aw, thanks, Dad.

♪ My name is Doc ♪

[all] Oh!

♪ My game is pure ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ You got the curse? ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I got the cure ♪

[all exclaiming]

♪ Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪

[grunts] I’m sorry, Shelly.

[exhales sharply]

Chris, are you gonna put a ring on this finger?

- You know it. - Well, why don’t you guys go out?

Enjoy the city.

He needs his beauty sleep.

You want an Ambien, honey?

Oh, no. No. That’s where I end up with that eternal sleep.

Ambien’s not bad for you. I take it.

And look at me. A spry 70-something.

You’re milking it. He turns 80 tomorrow.

- Happy birthday, Mr. Sterling. - Oh, tight. Happy birthday.

You wanna sing for me?

Nah, I’m good.

♪ Happy birthday to me Happy birthday to me ♪

♪ Happy birthday Dear Donald ♪

You’ve had "tee" many "martoonies."

Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Sterling.

- Go easy on the sleep aids. - [Donald] Good night.

[Doc] Yawning’s contagious. You wanna yawn, do it on the inside.

[clears throat]

[Seth] I have to interrupt, Doc.

It’s the tape.

It’s out.

The sex tape?

It’s not a sex tape.

I don't know if you saw

about the tape.

Things are teetering on

the verge of catastrophe.

They tricked me

in saying terrible things.

It's my world!

You really need

to put out a statement.

I have a media strategy.

You leave a mess everywhere.

People act like it's

wrong to want fame.

I want the heat off the place.

You can't be out here

making this man money.

What's your relationship

with Donald?

I'm his silly rabbit.

He's what?

What the hell?

Sports, racism, money.

There's something

in it for everyone.

I have hundreds of tapes.

I am banning

Mr. Sterling for life.

If you come here, I

will physically fight you.

Well, that's a little extreme.

You have to bargain with the

devil if you want to get ahead.

Mr. Sterling!

I'm the Lord Almighty as

far as you're concerned.

♪