Original subtitles

♪ Day is dead, sun is down

♪ And I don 't know a single soul in town

♪ Think I'm going solo

♪ I'm just trying to kill a Saturday night

♪ Work all week for a little pay

♪ Get the car and I'm on my way

♪ Won't sit home crying

♪ I'm just trying to kill a Saturday night

♪ Man, it's lonely

♪ When only the wheel holds you tight

♪ Run from sorrow

♪ Tomorrow I'll pay for tonight

♪ Yeah

Okay, Edgar. Your turn now.

Hey, come on.

All the rock stars love this stuff.

There you go.

- Barn? - Hi, Peyton.

Since when did you become a boozer?

Oh, no.

The scuba club wants a report on diving under the influence.

Let's see.

Edgar and Vincent were given an amount of whiskey

equal to human consumption of about 10 pints.

It's amazing.

They're twice as big as they were yesterday.

Yeah, growth rate is up to 2 inches a day.

I gotta hand it to you, Barn,

super dope grown in super time means a super buzz.

- And a lot of bucks for us. - Whatever.

Hey, you know, Peyton, over the summer, I...

I'm gonna test my Ultra Grow mixture on various other plants.

It might get me a research grant in the fall.

Looks like the party's over for those two.

- No kidding. - Well, let's go, Barn. It's assembly time.

Come on, Barn.

Barney, would you look at yourself?

You look like you just escaped from a mouse cage.

- You know what you need? - No, what?

Girl.

Gotta toughen you up, bro.

Hey, Barn. How about some math help later?

No way. He's got work of his own to do.

Hey, Barney, did boss man here get you a date for the prom?

Are you kidding? Barney doesn't care about girls.

He's a rocket scientist.

You guys are assholes.

Smile.

Front page, Senior Edition.

Peyton, you print that and I'll sue.

I'm getting so tired of the girls around here. They're so immature.

Hey, Peyton,

you and her ever...

Roscoe, you know I don't like to talk about my women.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Oh, Barney, how are my orchids coming along?

- They're fine, sir. We're right on schedule. - Good.

My ex-wife's gonna be insane when I win that blue ribbon.

Carry on, men.

You too, sir.

Seniors, I give you the Penguin cheerleaders!

We're number one, we're not number two

We're gonna push the Tigers back in the zoo

Now, don't forget our last baseball game is Tuesday afternoon

against the Lincoln Tigers,

So let's get out there and show some spirit!

And now, as your class president,

it is my pleasure to introduce

the great principal of Ralph Waldo Emerson High ...

Gary Cooter.

As I was saying, the great principal of Ralph Waldo Emerson High,

Mr. Walter Coolidge.

I'd like to congratulate all the baseball varsity,

Well, you haven't won a game all year,

but let's not quit.

Let's pound those Tigers into rabbit

doo-doo!

Good luck to you all,

That was just fantastic.

Miss Burnhart, please.

That's all, seniors, See you at the ball game.

Miss Updike,

I'm afraid we're gonna have to re-shoot your Senior Edition pictures.

The first group didn't come out.

Okay, Peyton,

follow me.

You won't forget me when you're with those college girls, will you?

Corinne, your love is a prize I could never forsake.

That is one of your better lines.

- Hi, Dex. - Hi there, Barney.

Now, don't mind me. Just keep on doing what you're doing.

- Well, we only have one more game left. - That's right.

And don't forget you promised to let me bat once before I leave.

Barn, you're the greatest

statistician I ever had.

And you're a scientific whiz kid to boot.

If I was you, I wouldn't be worried about no baseball.

Now, when I was your age I was always out whoring around,

- having myself a good old time. - Well, I wish I was whoring around.

No, you don't.

Them women is trouble.

First come the woman

and then the whiskey.

We used to call that

the devil's double whammy.

But you know something,

my old lady won't let me eat salami no more.

Says it causes cancer.

Maybe you ought to drop this petunia shit and figure out a cure for that sucker.

Because I can't live in this world without salami.

No weenies either.

Talking about trouble, here's the stickball king himself.

Just following in your footsteps, Dexter.

You wish.

Well, I guess I'll be going, fellas. So, take care, Barney.

See you later, Dex.

And you get your rich ass to practice on time today, you hear?

Sure thing, Coach.

Thanks for stopping by.

So how we doing, Barn?

Not bad.

I'm almost finished.

This is the oil I extracted from the first crop.

I'm gonna give Edgar a dose now.

This ought to get him blasted.

Edgar seems to be exhibiting signs of paranoid schizophrenia.

His brain is fried.

Hey, Barn, how do you tell when they're stoned?

Well, they... Hand me that beaker, will you?

Sure.

Well, first of all, they eat twice their weight in cheese,

and they roll over and stare at this little red light.

Hi, Peyton. I'm here to interview Barney for the Senior Edition,

Sorry, Bernadette, but Barney's in the middle

of an extremely delicate cross-pollenization.

Well, then how about just a couple of pictures?

No pictures in the lab, Bernadette.

Well, I need a picture of Barney by his orchids.

- That's what the... - All right, I'll take them.

Barney is very busy now, okay?

Sure, I'll be back tomorrow.

Fine.

There's no such word as pollenization.

Whatever. She's a pain.

Look, I gotta run, Barn. I'll catch you later, okay?

See you.

Edgar, how did you get that?

All right, eat.

But you realize I'll have to give you a bigger dose now to counteract the food.

Barney bonehead.

Up yours.

- Barney, is that you? - Hey. Hi, Alvy. How you doing?

Hi, I'm home.

Where were you? Your mother was worried.

I was at the lab. I had some work to do.

Would you come here, please? Your father wants to talk to you.

"Hounded by hemorrhoids? Then have a Relaxo fruit juice break."

"And now back to our regularly scheduled program."

I saved you some supper, but you don't deserve it.

You're right. I don't deserve it.

Don't get smart with your mother.

- Sorry. - What happened to you?

Nothing. I just had a little accident in the lab. That's all.

I think this laboratory nonsense has gotten out of hand.

You don't go out with girls.

When are you gonna ask somebody to the prom?

When I find the right girl, Mom. Okay?

I have some homework to do.

- Should we? - Let's leave it till tomorrow.

No. I think we should do it now.

Barney, your mother and I are very concerned.

It's your attitude.

Not to mention your late hours and loss of appetite.

Son, roll up your sleeves.

- Should we check between his toes? - What's going on?

Your father and I went to a drug education seminar at the school.

Are you a junkie, Son?

- Right, Dad. - Don't talk to your father like that.

- What's the matter, Barney? - Nothing's the matter.

All right.

We'll discuss it further in the morning.

And I expect a little more cooperation around here.

You can start by cleaning up this pigpen.

- How dare you? - I didn't do it.

Alvy did it.

And I suppose that dummy taught him how to do it.

- Hey, Barn. - Hi.

- How you doing? - Okay.

- How's the hooch? - The hooch?

- Yeah, you know... - It's...

Hey, Barney, how about that interview?

Bernadette, we're on our way to class now.

You should be, too.

Barney, how responsible do you think scientists are

for the mess the world is in today?

And do you think they can get us out of it?

Yeah.

Well, scientists have to bear some responsibility for the mess.

But I also think they're our best hope for cleaning it up.

A pat answer, but I'll take it.

What are you planning on doing with those orchids?

Well, I really don't know yet.

What do you plan to specialize in at college?

Botany. Research, that is.

There's a lot of money to be made there.

Is that your goal, Barney? To make money?

- I guess that'd be part of it. - That's enough for now, Bernadette.

I'm not interviewing you.

I agree. I think that's enough for now.

You gotta watch her, Barn. She's nosey.

She sure is pushy.

- Hi, Bernadette. - Hi, Jane. How you doing?

- Did you do your homework? - Yeah.

- Can I copy? - Again?

Sure.

Good afternoon, class.

I'm so happy to inform you

that we have a very special visitor today.

Our esteemed principal, Mr. Walter Coolidge.

Hey, Coolidge, you shave with an ax?

Yes, sir. You can sit here at my desk, sir.

Thank you, Miss Burnhart. It's a pleasure to be here.

And...

And now we'll continue with our final presentations in poetry.

Who's next in the alphabet?

Let's see here.

You're next, Gary Cooter.

Do I have to, Miss Burnfart?

Read us your poem, Gary.

Or your next year will be your fourth as a senior.

This is a poem about something that's pretty important to me

and that I get real confused about a lot.

It's called Chicks,

"Chicks

"Sometimes I feel like I'm so much above them

"And sometimes I feel like I'm so much below them"

Oh, God.

"Sometimes, I hate them

"And sometimes, I love them"

Barney,

Barney,

"But if I was a cave man I think I'd just club them"

All right.

Thank you, Gary.

Barney, what do you think of Gary's poem?

What's the... What's the problem, Barney?

Are you hiding something?

Shall we continue?

Oh, Barney.

When may I see my orchids?

Anytime, Mr. Coolidge.

Just let me know ahead of time so I can straighten up.

It's quite messy in there.

All right, I'll do that.

Let's make it soon, shall we?

Hey, Barn, you feeling okay?

- You seem sort of out of it. - What?

Oh. Yeah, yeah, I'm okay, Peyton.

Jane looks kind of cute today.

Sure does.

Hey, watch this.

All you need is a good opening line. It all hinges on the first seven seconds.

- It's in the Valley. It's the best... - Did they card you?

Yes, they did, but I had my fake, so it was no problem.

They'll probably card you.

Hi, Jane. Can I talk to you a minute?

Sure.

It's kind of private.

Okay.

Who you going to the prom with, Barney?

I don't know yet.

Why don't you go with one of your mice friends?

So, what's this all about?

Saturday night.

Dinner and a flick. We'll have a blast.

Cut the crap. You know I'm going out with Robert Wolcott.

He's pre-law at Tee Winkle College. Why should I go out with you?

Well, I'm pre-rich, pre-famous and pre-powerful.

You act like pre-school and that's a little immature for me.

Wow!

What the hell's going on here?

Nobody touched her, swear to God.

Well, what's she screaming for, punk?

Nothing's going on, Robert. He didn't touch me.

The wind blew it open. That's all. Nothing happened, really.

He just wishes.

I catch you near her again, and I'll break your face.

No problem, Rob.

Let's get out of here, Robert.

What are you, some kind of pervert?

- It must have shrunk. - Get in the car.

If I ever catch you doing anything like that again,

except when we're alone, I'll...

I didn't do it.

How do you suppose that happened?

I don't know.

I guess it was the wind. You know, like she said.

Yeah.

Well, Barn, you wanna get something to eat?

Oh, no. Not really.

I think I'm gonna go back into the lab.

- Well, I guess I'll see you later then, huh? - Right. See you.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe it.

I'm not dreaming.

That's incredible, Barney.

- How did you get in here? - The door was open.

Anyway, you can't stop me. It's school property.

Thanks a lot, Barney.

How cute. What are their names?

None of your business.

Come on, Barney, don't be mad. Don't you realize how amazing this is?

What is?

Don't try to bullshit me, Barney. I saw those test tubes flying around,

and I saw those maps pop off the wall.

Big deal. So what does that mean?

What does the word telekinesis mean to you, Barney?

I've never heard of it.

Marijuana. I can't wait to find out how these fit into all this.

Look, I have some more work to do. Can't you just leave me alone? Please?

Barney, you can't expect to keep a thing like this to yourself.

This is it. Mind over matter, the power to move things at will.

Hey, Barn.

I was just passing by and I couldn't help overhearing.

Telekinesis, huh?

- Hey. How did it happen? - I don't know.

Well, there was an explosion, and I didn't think anything of it.

But that must have been it, because after that things started happening.

Peyton...

I can make things fly around. I can move things.

Barney, we'll shock the scientific world. We can prove that telekinesis exists.

Look, I don't want anybody else to know about this.

- But, Barney... - He's right. It'd just be a lot of publicity.

We gotta keep this thing to ourselves.

You're right. Nobody can know.

- I have to go home. - Hey, you feeling okay?

Oh, yeah, I just need some time to think, that's all.

I'm a little foggy still.

- Bye. - Bye.

So how does the world look through cracked glasses?

Cracked.

Where were you? I spent all afternoon making dinner,

and you don't see fit to come home on time.

Your mother made her specialty, Spam with cream sauce.

Did you bring me that milk like I asked you to?

Oh. I forgot it.

Son, you've been damned irresponsible lately.

- You better explain yourself. - Answer your father.

What's the question?

You don't eat. You go to sleep at 7:30...

I had some work to finish at the lab and then I went for a walk, that's all.

Gee whiz, Mom, I said I'm sorry.

- I think maybe I'll get a burger. - Now, just a minute.

Starting tonight you're grounded.

You'll be in this house at suppertime and this is where you'll stay.

I didn't mean it. Dad, I'm sorry.

You should be. Now, go to your room. Can't you see your father's a sick man?

Okay, Alvy, they've got you on their main view scanner

and they're coming in for a closer look.

They seem to be afraid of you.

I don't believe it, Captain. That thing could swallow us whole.

Spock, do we have a reading?

Yes, Captain, computer indicates we're about to be swallowed

by a giant sheep dog.

For God's sake, I hope he's been wormed.

I have to get something to eat.

What are you doing?

All right, you can come.

But don't say I never take you anyplace.

There.

Now they'll never know we're gone. Come on.

Who you going to the prom with, Barney?

Why don't you go with one of your mice friends?

Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?

Oh, yeah? Well, take this.

Oh, no.

Now I'm really in for it.

What's all the racket up here?

Who were you talking to?

Nobody. I was just talking to myself.

My God. What...

Who's that in your bed?

Mom?

Oh, listen, I'm going for a burger. I won't be long.

- Wake up. Wake up. - What?

Barney's dummy.

- The dummy, it attacked. - Calm down.

Now, calm down. Now, did you have your 8:00 Valium?

Well, there you go.

Oh, prune juice.

Edgar. You got it, too.

Edgar. Edgar, don't try to push me around.

Now you better mind your manners, you little shit.

- Hi, Barney. - Hi.

What are you doing? What is that for?

I thought we'd start by testing your power for controlled distance

on substances with different physical properties.

Bernadette, you don't know a thing about science. I mean...

You can't be the subject of your own experiment.

Now, just see if you can empty the air out of that can.

Very good. Now, see if you can empty the water out of the tank.

Come here.

Very imaginative.

Now, we know from last night that you can move solids, so we conclude

that your telekinetic power works on all three states of matter.

Hi, Peyton.

Hey, what's going on? Barney, we got a game to go to.

- Oh, right. - Oh, well, we've been conducting

a little research, but I was just leaving.

Bye, Barney.

Look, next time, ask me first before you barge in here, okay?

Okay. Sorry.

Gotta keep her under wraps. It's the power. It's...

Yeah, I know, it's scary.

You know, I had an idea. If you don't wanna do it, I understand.

Just because we're best friends for life.

- What is it? - I knew you'd drag it out of me.

Play ball.

ANNOUNCER ON P,A,: The Emerson Penguins take the field,

On the mound for Emerson, Peyton Nichols.

Hey, looks like we're a little short on the bench today, Dex.

Alan, take your finger out of your nose.

What'd I tell you about that shit? Now suck it.

Suck it.

ANNOUNCER ON P,A,: First up for the Tigers, playing shortstop,

number four, Deke Davis.

What an amazing hop.

Now batting for the Tigers, their pitcher and the league's leading hitter,

Nathan "Too Mean" Levine.

There's a shot,

It's a home run,

Top of the first, the Tigers lead, 1-nothing,

- Sorry about that. - That's okay, pal.

Let's just keep it cool until the ninth inning like we said.

You're out!

You're out. Strike three.

Hold on there, Ump. I got a pinch hitter coming in.

No. No, Dex. He was your pinch hitter. You used him in the seventh inning,

and now you have nobody else left except me.

Besides, nobody else even touched "'Too Mean"' anyway.

Oh, come on, Dex, you promised me. Please? You promised.

- Go right on now. - Thanks.

Now batting for Emerson, Barney Springboro,

What an amazing game,

It had it all, incredible fielding, pitching, clutch hitting.

And the final score, 3-1, Emerson Penguins,

Thanks, Dex.

If I only knew. You know something? We could have been contenders.

We did it. Can you believe it?

- You were great. - I couldn't have done it without you.

Oh, that was nothing.

What do you say we celebrate at my house?

Forget it.

Oh, Robert. Good game, huh?

Typical high school stuff, though.

You would have been eaten alive in college ball.

Oh. Yeah, I'm sure you'd know about that, wouldn't you?

Are you going to the Senior Day?

To Magic Land? That kid stuff is a little gooish for me.

Oh, yeah, well, they do have the scariest roller coaster in the world.

- Of course I rode it standing up last time. - You would.

- See you around. - Jerk.

Did you smell that guy? Let's get out of here.

- Hey. That's the jerk that made us lose. - Yeah, you little weasel.

Okay, pal. Kiss this.

- Shit. - Shit.

Who is this guy?

- Hey! - Hey!

Oh, Dexter, do you have your pass key on you?

- Sure do, Mr. C. What do you need? - My key doesn't seem to work in this lock.

We all seem to have that same problem some time or another, don't we?

Hello, sir. Hello, Mr. Jones. How are we today?

Just fine, Miss Burnhart.

You see, now this door has a special lock, and Barney's got the key.

Maximum security for them flowers.

Thank you, Dexter. I'll speak to Barney about this.

How is Barney's experiment coming along?

That's what I can't seem to find out. Everything is so secretive.

I want to see what's in there.

Barney? Barney, look. I'm sorry I barged in the other day.

Maybe I've been too pushy, but you just can't shut me out.

I can help. Can't we just talk?

- Okay. - Great.

Now, I promise I won't do this if you don't want to, so don't get mad, okay?

But please don't say no. It'll be great for both of us, I swear.

All right, all right. What is it?

Okay, my sister knows someone at a research journal,

and if we can continue our experiments, she can publish our findings.

Hey, you know, that's a very good idea.

Oh, I knew you'd feel this way, Barney. Isn't it exciting?

- Yeah. I'll talk to Peyton about it. - Peyton? What for?

Well, he's sort of got all these plans for us.

You know, like selling the Ultra Grow, that sort of stuff.

Figures. Another scientist sells out.

No, listen, someday, I mean, I can get my own...

Oh, my.

Well, how rich does Peyton think you'll get in jail?

I'm ruined.

- I can't believe this. - Come on.

Yes, Miss Updike?

Look, today's Bachelor Bait, I'm sorry, sir,

but there is no response to your ad today.

I can't stand this waiting.

I knew that I shouldn't have admitted that I was a high school principal.

They all probably assume I'm a dud.

Oh, I think it's best to be honest from the start.

Excuse me, sir, but I just learned something so shocking.

Oh, I can't stand to see them make a fool of you, sir.

What is it, Miss Burnhart?

Barney's lab.

- It's... - It's what?

It's... Come with me, sir.

I hope this is important, Miss Burnhart.

Well, here they are.

What's the problem, Miss Burnhart?

Yes, what is it?

But there was marijuana there. I saw it.

I think you smoked it, Miss Burnhart.

I appreciate you showing me the orchid, Miss Burnhart,

but sneaking through windows does not exemplify the sort of behavior

we try to impart to our students.

Good grief.

Oh, Dexter, I was...

Security check.

Got lucky, hey, Walt?

No, no, Dexter. It's not what you think at all.

I sure hope not, but I'll be saying my prayers for you,

just in case.

God knows I tried.

Oh, Dexter.

- Walter. - Keep this to yourself, okay?

Always do.

I got a file in my head two feet thick about a whole lot of things you do

that I keep to myself.

I'll be a son-of-a-gun.

Hurry up.

I'm trying, I'm trying.

It's too big. It doesn't fit.

We don't have all day, Barney. Faster.

- Here, that's the last of it. - Thank goodness.

- Barney. - Dex.

What are you doing here?

- Oh, nothing. I just thought I would... - You got yourself a good catch here.

Barney's gonna be a famous scientist some day.

Oh, well, thanks, Dex.

- We'll see you later. - Bye.

Next time, take her someplace decent.

That was close.

Wow.

Yeah.

Where am I? Barney? Is that you?

Barney is working with me now, Dex.

Mr. Einstein.

I'm feeling strange. Someone's putting some shit on my mind.

Sounds like too many chilidogs, Dex.

You have to learn to relax.

Chilidogs are what I need to relax.

Salami, too, but my old lady won't let me have them.

I ride a bike to relax, Dex, Can you ride?

- You see, Dex, it is not so hard, is it? - No, it ain't so bad after all.

Dex.

Dexter Jones. Bow-legged sap sucker.

Here comes the devil and the four black stallions after my ass.

That's it. I found you. You can't hide nothing from me, Dexter Jones.

You ugly spasm.

- Who is that, Dex? - That's my wife.

Found out where I hid the salami in the garage.

- You'd better be making tracks, Dex. - You ain't shitting, Mr. Einstein.

This'll teach you.

Help me, Mr. Einstein! Barney!

Help me!

Back on Earth,

What a drag. Nobody even got to enjoy the stuff.

All that research down the drain.

- Better than his life down the drain. - Well, we had to do it, Peyton.

Oh, it's no big deal. I mean, this is small-time

compared to what you can do with your you-know-what.

Well, I've gotta go. See you around, guys.

Bernadette...

- See you. - Sure.

Jane, you're slouching.

Beautiful!

Great.

♪ Give me a taste of the wind in my face

♪ And the sun shining up above

♪ Me and my friends got the world in our hands

♪ And somebody could fall in love

♪ All the kids go looking for trouble

♪ Now that school is over and done

♪ And we might just stay here all night

♪ Doing it right

♪ Just for fun

♪ Checking the action, the latest attraction

♪ It's back on the track again

♪ You better hold tight 'cause it's faster than light

♪ You may lose a few now and then

♪ All the kids come looking for trouble

♪ And the good times only begun

♪ And we might just stay here all night

♪ Doing it right

I want that one right there.

- You're full of it, man. - Maybe.

- Did you see Robert's face, poor guy? - Ah he deserved it.

I suppose.

Getting a little tired of this kid stuff.

What kind of man are you anyways, Peyton?

Why, I'm a man's man, Robert. What'd you have in mind?

Okay, that's a 12-pack each. Can we go now, you guys?

Sure thing. Let's go.

- You ready, buddy? - Ready, Freddie.

Don't you call me that. You call me that again and I'll kill you.

Freddie is Robert's disowned older brother.

He went away on big-game safari to Africa and married a little Pygmy girl.

You guys are disgusting.

- First one to puke is a loser. - Right. 100 bucks.

100 bucks.

- Hey, Peyton. Peyton. - Barn!

What are you guys doing?

Can't you tell? They're stinking drunk.

Barn?

Is there something that you can do to make him spin a little faster?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks, buddy, I appreciate it.

I wouldn't get involved in this if I were you.

What are friends for?

Hey, Robert.

Hey, what's the matter ace, you got a problem?

Oh, my lunch.

Listen. Listen.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

Tell Peyton I'll pay him tomorrow.

- How are you feeling? - I'm fine.

How's Robert?

Robert says you'll get your money tomorrow.

I guess college didn't teach him how to be such a good sport, huh?

Shouldn't we go get something to eat?

- Burgers? - Yeah.

Well, do you think you could win me one of those big pink panthers

to match the curtains in my bathroom?

Sure thing, come on.

Hey, Barn? What's the story with you and Bernadette?

I don't know. We seem to be getting along pretty well.

Boy, I'll tell you, that Jane's one nut I'd really like to crack.

- Hi, Jane. - Hi.

Where's Rob?

He wasn't feeling too well, so he had to go home.

You seem a lot more mature than that punk kid you're with.

Buzz off, pal, okay?

Hey, these guys giving you some trouble?

Everything's under control, thank you.

Hey, how old are you buddy? Thirteen?

- You talking to me? - Yeah, pal, he's talking to you.

- Are you talking to me? - He already said he was, Barney.

Well, you must be talking to me.

- I'm the only one here. - Where am I, Barn?

Enough of this shit.

Whoa!

Let's get out of here.

- Now that was exciting. - Oh, it was nothing.

You were fantastic in there.

They were just messing with the wrong guys.

You know, I hate to say it, but I think the park is closing soon.

The only problem is we never got to eat.

Dinner? I accept.

You know, I'd just like to say that, well, this is really nice.

Do you feel the same way?

So, this is your studio, huh?

Yeah, what do you think?

It's very interesting.

- Here we are. - Maybe later, okay?

What's wrong?

Well, you know, Robert.

- He's taking me to Hawaii for graduation. - I understand.

I don't want you to do anything you don't want to.

You don't?

No. I have way too much respect for you, Jane.

You do?

I didn't know you liked this kind of music.

I don't know.

Today's music just seems so juvenile.

I find that classical music helps me relax when I really get uptight about things.

Really? What have you got to be uptight about?

Yesterday I got my acceptance to Harvard. So it's between there and Yale.

Only I can't decide whether to go to pre-med or pre-law.

My dad, he wants me to go to business college so that I can run his corporation.

You see, if I did that, then he said he'd start paying me my salary,

after the classes start.

A salary?

Well, it's more like an allowance.

Just 100 grand a year.

Really? Go on.

I shouldn't be bothering you with these things.

My own private hell.

Oh, no, that's okay. Really.

I feel like I've been going through some changes lately,

like I'm becoming more mature.

You do seem more mature.

I'm sorry.

- What's wrong? - I don't know what came over me.

It's okay.

Really.

- What was that? - What was what?

That flash. Something flashed.

It must have been in your mind. I guess that means something.

Do you remember that time that Peyton scared Mrs. Smith

with that frog from biology class?

Yeah, yeah. I loaned him that frog.

I never got it back.

You know, I'll kill you if you tell anybody this,

but I had a crush on Peyton in fifth grade.

Really?

- Did he know? - Oh, no, no way.

I had three crushes a year till eighth grade and I never told any of them.

- How about you, Barney? - What?

Who did you have a crush on?

Oh, nobody.

You're turning red, Barney. Come on, you can tell me.

Well, I did have a crush on Pamela Browning in the sixth grade.

Well, did you tell her? What happened?

She got pregnant and they sent her away.

No, no.

Well, you just have to be careful, that's all.

Yeah.

So...

What do you wanna do tonight?

I don't know.

Watch TV, mess around, whatever you wanna do.

Mess around sounds good.

That's my mom.

I'll walk you out.

♪ Take me to your heart

♪ Show me where to start

♪ Let me play the part of your first love

♪ All the stars are right

♪ Every wish is ours tonight

♪ My love

♪ Pity those who wait

♪ Trusting love to fate

♪ Finding out too late that they've lost it

♪ Never letting go

♪ They will never know the ways of love

♪ You got to believe in magic

♪ Tell me how two people find each other

♪ In a world that's full of strangers

Stop, stop. No. Please.

♪ You've got to believe in magic

♪ Something stronger than a moon above

♪ 'Cause it's magic when two people fall in love

♪ I may never know

♪ Why I need you so

♪ All I need to know is this feeling

♪ Handle it with care

♪ We were born to share this dream, my love

♪ You got to believe in magic

♪ Tell me how two people find each other

♪ In a world that's full of strangers

♪ You got to believe in magic

♪ Something stronger than the moon above

♪ 'Cause it's magic when two people fall in love

♪ You got to believe in magic

♪ Tell me how two people find each other

♪ In a world that's full of strangers

♪ You got to believe in magic

♪ Something stronger than the moon above

♪ 'Cause it's magic when two people fall in love

♪ Got to believe in magic

♪ Tell me how two people find each other

♪ In a world that's full of strangers

♪ You got to believe in magic

♪ Something stronger than the moon above

♪ 'Cause it's magic when two people fall in love

- Robert, feeling better? - Yeah. There you go, it's all there.

Thanks. No hard feelings, right?

No, no hard feelings.

In fact, if you wanna try some real gambling,

we got a roulette wheel at the frat house.

Roulette, huh? I'm sorry, Robert, I think that's way out of my league.

I think you owe me a shot at getting my money back.

Tomorrow night. How about it?

Well,

I got a feeling I'm gonna be real sorry.

- Okay, I'll be there. - Good deal. I'll see you there.

- Okay. - Sorry I'm late, Robert.

Yeah, come on, let's go.

- Jane, should we tell him about us? - And ruin my trip to Hawaii? No way.

Look, whatever happened last night, I faked every bit of it.

Jane.

That's why it was so good.

- Come on, what's the holdup? - Oh, I'm coming, Robert.

It's here, boss. It's here.

Your response to your ad in this morning's personals.

- Go on. - She agrees to your plan.

- "Pink carnations at Alfredo's tonight." - But I said Giuseppe's.

She said Alfredo's is more romantic, and I agree.

Okay, this is it. Oh, God. I'm excited already.

I think she's the woman I've been waiting for.

- What do you think? - Well, here. What's your horoscope say?

"A casual encounter may be the hot affair you've been waiting for,

if you don't choke."

You know, Barney, I'm the last person I thought would be excited

over the senior prom, and now I can't wait.

Yeah, neither can I.

- Hey, Barn. - Hey, Peyton.

Why don't you go inside? I'll be right there.

Okay.

Hey, where you been? I've been looking all over for you.

I've been around.

Hey, Peyton, I got a date for the prom.

You and Bernadette, huh? Great.

Now, listen, we got invited to a frat party tonight,

and they're gonna have a roulette wheel.

I got it all figured out. You do your thing and we'll make a fortune.

We'll break those idiots.

I don't know, Peyton. I kind of wanted to go out with Bernadette tonight.

Oh, Barn, you can't pass this up.

Look, you can go out with Bernadette anytime.

- Ask her along if you want. - All right, I'll ask her.

A roulette wheel? Barney, I thought you were a scientist, not a racketeer.

What's the big deal?

Go ahead and use your power gambling all the time. I won't stop you.

I just hope you like being Peyton's clone.

Come on, Bernadette, it's just this one time.

Oh, sure, tomorrow night you'll probably go to Las Vegas.

- Hey, not a bad idea. - Tomorrow night's the prom.

Think I'd rather go alone anyway.

- Let me go, Barney. - I'll call you later, okay?

Barn, sometimes life is like an onion.

When you peel it, it makes you cry.

- Just leave me alone, okay? - Barn, she'll go to the prom with you.

- Look, I'll pick you up at 8:00, okay? - Yeah, okay.

See you later.

My date is a roulette wheel

Rose.

I never dreamed it was you.

Nor I.

Are you...

You are the sensual,

witty, intense, middle-aged man

who wants to live life to the fullest.

And you are the affectionate, complex, adventurous woman

with an unbridled joy for living.

Joie de vivre, I said.

French.

Rose. Darling.

Very nice. Thank you.

I don't understand, sir. You haven't ordered yet.

- We'd like a little more time. - Very well, sir. Call me when you're ready.

- We'd like a little more time. - Very well, sir. Call me when you're ready.

Walter. Walter.

Is everything all right here?

We'd like the house...

Burgundy, please.

Yes, sir.

- Keep your eye on the little ball. - What little ball?

- What? - I'm kidding.

Okay, here we go. Here we go.

Hey, glad you could make it. Get yourself some chips.

Thanks, Robert, don't mind if I do.

Now we got it, number 29. Twenty-nine, black.

They'll kill us when they find out what we've done.

We're gonna have to give up our concubine maid.

What are you worried about, Larry? You beat off every night anyway.

Why don't you quit acting like such a fat turd? Larry, come on.

Here we go. New blood in here. All right.

- How you doing? - Fine.

Okay, let's go.

Someone's gotta win. Let's go. Place your bets. Place your bets, everyone.

Place your bets.

- All right, let's try it, pal. - Okay, here we go.

Place your bets, everyone.

Watch the ball. Watch the ball. Here we go. Place your bets.

Okay, here we go. Here we go. Watch that ball bounce. Watch it bounce.

Eighteen black.

- Eighteen black is the winner. - There's something funny going on.

Sorry, you lose.

Place your bets, everyone. Place your bets.

Let's get some money down. Come on.

Place your bets, everyone.

Look at that ball bounce around.

And it's 36... What? Make that 43 red.

You're a winner.

Let's go. Haven't we won enough?

Barney, we're just hitting our stride.

If we get good at this, then we will hit Vegas.

We'll be set for life.

What are you talking about?

Oh, what I'm saying, Barney, is you've gotta think big.

There's no other way to think.

Twenty-eight black.

All of it.

- I don't wanna do it anymore. - Well, this is it.

All's I need is one more throw.

I'm really sorry, Peyton.

Hey, Wolcott, what's going on around here?

How the hell did that happen?

That's what we're gonna find out.

Look, everybody out of here. Let's go. Now.

That wheel was rigged. That's what set it off.

- I don't know what you're talking about. - Rigged? You scumbag.

- We want our money back. - Yeah.

Come on, let me get him.

- Hey, Barney, wait. - Leave me alone.

Hey, come on, man, what the hell's the matter with you?

Can't we talk about this?

Peyton, I don't wanna talk about anything. Just leave me alone.

Hello. This is Barney Springboro. May I speak with Bernadette, please?

Okay. Yeah, thank you. Bye.

Them women are trouble,

First come the woman and then the whiskey,

And then the whiskey, And then the whiskey,

Okay, move it up a little bit on the left. That's good. Okay.

No, not quite so far.

Now on the right just down, just about 6 inches.

Now on the right just down, just about 6 inches.

That's pretty good.

No, no, no, on the left, put it down just a little bit.

Just a little bit.

What happened to you, Barney?

I don't know.

- Can we talk? - Okay.

- Bernadette, I'm sorry. - Oh, what about?

About the gambling, about acting like an idiot.

- I'm through with it. It's over. - I'm very happy for you.

Bernadette, please, don't be mad at me.

Go to the prom with me. I mean, we have fun together, don't we?

I never felt this way with anyone before.

Well, I volunteered for the prom committee.

- I had to get to the prom somehow. - Well, there's no problem.

You can just go with me.

Well, I have to be here really early to help with the decorations and stuff.

- Let's just meet there, okay? - See you there.

Barney,

Father Gallagher and Father Murray would like to speak with you.

Well, not now, Mom, I'm going to the prom.

- Excuse me. - Shall we begin the exorcism?

What are you talking about? What exorcism?

Father, let me go. Father.

- The tranquilizers, please. - Come on, I gotta go to the prom.

Ma, help me...

- I'm gonna throw up. - That's one of the devil's favorite lines.

What did I tell you?

Keep him away from me. Please. Please.

I'm going now, Mom.

- Oh, hello, Fathers. - Hello.

♪ She's a star spangled baby

♪ From New York to L.A.

♪ Dallas to Chicago and the San Francisco Bay

♪ Star spangled baby

♪ She's a belle of New Orleans

♪ A blue-jeaned American beauty

♪ Bursting at the seams America's queen

♪ She's just seventeen

♪ America's queen

♪ She's just seventeen

♪ She's just seventeen

♪ She's just seventeen

Okay, okay, seniors, may I have your attention, please?

I have a very important introduction to make.

Your class president, Bernadette Holland, is going to reveal

who is the prom king and queen.

You know, Walt, looking at these pretty young girls makes me feel

kind of old and ugly, but not as ugly as you.

Ain't this a bitch? Look who's talking.

Welcome, seniors, I hope you're having a good time.

This year's prom queen is ... Jane Mitchell.

Congratulations, Jane.

- Congratulations, - Oh, thank you, I love you all,

This year's prom king is ... Peyton Nichols.

- Congratulations, Peyton. - Thank you, Bernadette.

I'd just like to say it's been a great year.

Okay, let's get on with it.

The king and queen will lead us in the next dance.

Let's everybody have a good time!

♪ We're the king and queen of hearts

♪ Hold me when the music starts

♪ All my dreams come true

♪ When I dance with you

♪ Promise me you're mine tonight

♪ I won 't wait in line tonight

♪ While the lights are low

♪ I'll never let you go

♪ Did I dream that we danced forever?

♪ In a wish that we made together

♪ On a night that I prayed would never end

♪ You know it's not my imagination

♪ Or the part of the orchestration

♪ Love was here at the coronation

♪ I'm the king and you're the queen of hearts

♪ Time will pass and tears will fall

♪ But someday we'll both recall

But someday we'll both recall

♪ Moments made of these

♪ Golden memories

- You look really pretty. - You don't look so bad yourself.

Oh.

- I brought this for you. It's one of mine. - It's beautiful.

Oh, I love it, Barney.

- Can you pin it on me? - Oh, sure.

Thanks.

- Do you wanna dance? - Oh, no, I can't dance.

Don't be chicken, Barney.

- I don't know how. - I'll lead. It's easy.

- Come on. ♪ Did I dream that we danced forever

♪ In a wish that we made together

♪ On a night that I prayed would never end

♪ You know it's not my imagination

♪ Or a part of the orchestration

♪ Love was here at the coronation

♪ I'm the king and you're the queen of hearts

Now that wasn't so bad, was it, Barney, huh?

Hey, you two are looking great. I mean it.

- You're a handsome devil, Barn. - Thanks.

- You look pretty good, too. - Thanks. Still mad at me, Barn?

- Excuse me for a minute. - See?

Everything's patched up with you and Bernadette.

You got nothing to worry about.

- Here, Barn. - What's this?

Airline tickets.

Look, last night was kid's stuff. We can go all the way.

Big time, Las Vegas.

- Is this a joke? - Barn, we just need one more shot.

No way, Peyton, forget it.

It was worth a try.

Well, well, would you two like some refreshments?

Plenty of punch left in those watermelons over there.

Looks like you've had your share.

Oh, I've had a little, but I'd sure love some more.

I've had just about enough of you, buddy. We've got a score to settle.

- Last night. - Hey, don't get excited.

Look, I wanna be pals, okay?

I brought you something. It's to make up for what happened.

I'm really not such a bad guy.

And just to show you there's no hard feelings, Robbie,

I want you to have this.

It's from my personal collection.

Holy shit.

A portrait of the queen. Collector's item. Limited edition.

One of 500.

Thanks, Barn, I knew you were a pal.

Barn, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about that Las Vegas stuff.

I'll forget I even had the idea, okay?

Put her there, pal.

Jane.

Barney, what are you doing?

Barney!

At it again.

This way, Rose.

Oh, no, you don't. You son of a bitch.

Barney, don't you think enough is enough?

Let's get out of here. Oh, I'm sorry. Are you all right?

Barney.

Are you all right, buddy?

Oh, this power is more trouble than it's worth.

Try lifting your head up. Are you in pain?

Something happened.

My head is tingling.

- I've lost it. - What?

The power. I've lost it.

Wow, hitting your head and getting knocked unconscious

must have shifted things back to normal.

Well, at least you weren't hurt.

I knew it was too good to last.

I'll see you, Bernadette.

- I'll keep in touch. - Take it easy.

I guess this kind of messes up your research, huh?

Guess it kind of does.

Well, no more exploding clothes for the telekinetic kid.

You'll just have to do it with your own two hands.

Oh, thank you.

- Bernadette. - What?

- Can I give you a lift home? - Barney! Barney.

What are you doing? Wait a minute. Barney?

Barney?

♪ Someone's playing tricks on me

♪ Where's that quiet kid I used to be?

♪ Not long ago

♪ The one I used to know

♪ Suddenly I feel so strange

♪ Magically my whole life has been changed

♪ Turned inside out

♪ It makes me want to shout

♪ Here I am, take a look at me

♪ I'm high as a kite and I'm twice as free

♪ Like a dream that was meant to be

♪ This time it's mine

♪ And I'm not running away like I did before

♪ I'm not gonna hide from it anymore

♪ Gonna find what I'm looking for

♪ This time it's mine

♪ Now that I've got my shot

♪ And I'm coming to get what you got if you're ready or not

♪ I was playing hide-and-seek

♪ Staying out of sight

♪ Till your love discovered me

♪ I was blinded by the light

♪ Now I see the light

♪ Here I am, take a look at me

♪ I'm high as a kite and I'm twice as free

♪ Like a dream that was meant to be

♪ This time it's mine

♪ And I'm not running away like I did before

♪ I'm not gonna hide from it anymore

♪ Gonna find what I'm looking for

♪ This time it's mine

♪ Now that I got my shot

♪ And I'm coming to get what you got if you're ready or not

♪ I'm coming to get what you got if you're ready or not

♪ Here I am, take a look at me

♪ I'm high as a kite and I'm twice as free

♪ Like a dream that was meant to be

♪ This time it's mine

♪ And I'm not running away like I did before

♪ I'm not gonna hide from it anymore

♪ Gonna find what I'm looking for

♪ This time it's mine

♪ Now that I got my shot

♪ And I'm coming to get what you got if you're ready or not

♪ Here I am, take a look at me

♪ I'm high as a kite and I'm twice as free

♪ Like a dream that was meant to be

♪ This time it's mine

♪ Now that I got my shot

♪ And I'm coming to get what you got if you're ready or not

♪ I'm coming to get what you got if you're ready or not