Original subtitles

So, yeah. Me again. Amina Hussein.

I recently completed a PhD in Microbiology. Yay, go me.

[GIGGLES] So, yes, you could call me Dr. Hussein,

if you felt so inclined, but, right now,

I am the lead guitarist of a punk band.

* Bashir with the good beard * * You're so pretty *

* You're so pretty You're so pretty *

* Bashir with the good beard *

* You've gone and disappeared *

AMINA: This was the final gig of a magical summer of gigs.

And, oh, what a summer it had been.

One, two, three, four!

[PUNK MUSIC CONTINUES]

AMINA: We had crisscrossed the country

in a beat-up VW camper van affectionately named "Karen."

[HONKING] Oi! Pick a lane, matey-boy!

Small to medium venues up and down England

have reverberated with our music.

Birmingham, we love you!

Hello, Liverpool. Stoke-on-Trent, let's go!

AMINA: We had finally found our people. Our tribe.

Let me see all my sisters down in the front. Let's go!

Love you so much!

We had a following of not-insignificant proportions.

[ULULATING]

Actual human fans.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

OMG, Saira, um, I love you so much.

AMIRA: Only Saira seemed to find the love all a bit overwhelming.

You're, like, my favorite ever.

OMG that's such a stupid thing to say.

Um, you're not a Pokémon.

Saira. Hi. It's me, Taifa. Oh.

Lifestyle vlogger-hyphen-

massive Lady Parts fan- hyphen-multi-hyphenate.

Did you get my DMs?

No, I don't think I did.

I'm not really online.

Thank you for all the support.

It really means a lot to us.

AMIRA: We were inspiring the next generation.

[SQUEALS]

With a little help behind the scenes.

Thanks, man.

Appreciate you.

Stay beautiful. I'll get you a kebab.

Don't fuck up the kick. [SUCKS TEETH]

AMIRA: Ahsan came too.

Official Lady Parts roadie. Whoa.

[GRUNTS, GROANS]

[HOOBASTANK'S "THE REASON" PLAYING]

[HUMMING ALONG]

AHSAN: * --that I just want you *

[SONG CONTINUES ON HEADPHONES] [LOUDLY] * To know *

* I've found a reason for me *

* To change who I used to be *

* A reason to start over new *

[GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY]

* And the reason is you *

Oh. Ahem.

Uh, I got you a kebab, but--

But I-- I can come back later. Uh-- No, thanks.

Uh, sorry. Sorry you had to see that.

I was just, um...

making a massive tit of myself.

You have a really great singing voice.

Really? No. That's a lie.

I'm lying to you. Please never do that again.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[STAMMERING]

[SIGHS]

[GROANING] Mm.

[CHUCKLES]

SAIRA: We are absolutely delighted

to be ending our tour in London, our hometown!

[CHEERING]

Grotty, disgusting, beautiful London.

You have our heart.

[ULULATING]

AMINA: And with the tour finally over,

we returned home to our mothership.

Damn, it's good to be back.

[CHUCKLES] [INHALES DEEPLY]

Stale farts and big dreams.

Mm. It stinks.

Ah.

Saira, what are all these? Mm-hm?

[SUCKS TEETH, INHALES DEEPLY]

Ah, don't worry about it.

The council have been threatening

to turn our womancave into posh flats

for the past six years,

but it never goes through because, lucky for us,

we're built on a highly unstable sinkhole,

so, eat shit, capitalism.

Wait, what?

Mm, so nice to finally get to relax, kick back.

Game plan. Next steps.

You know what we've got to do. [GASPS]

A relaxing spa weekend?

A treat for all our hard work?

No, Amina. Not a relaxing spa weekend.

We are going to record an album.

An album? A hit record.

An opus. Our music immortalized.

SAIRA: Verily 'tis true.

We can pull a middling crowd to a not-so-shit venue.

We have a fanbase, thank you, Taz.

Pleasure. But now it's time

to lay down our legacy. Drum roll please.

[INHALES DEEPLY] We, us, Lady Parts,

will be recording our debut album

with the legendary Dirty Mahmood at Molico Studios.

He's back in the UK for a little stint next month,

he said he'd squeeze us in.

Aw, shit! No way!

Yes! No way!

[LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Who are you talking about?

Mm?

Dirty Mahmood.

Only the greatest producer of all time.

He's a legend. A maverick. A maestro of the mixing desk.

[BLOWS]

[COUGHING]

He produced all seven incredible albums of Sister Squire.

Um, Sister who?

Who? Who?

Who? Who? Who?

Who? Who?

[SCOFFS]

What is this, an owl sanctuary, am I right?

[CHUCKLES] AMINA: I didn't know it,

but Sister Squire, aka Samia Sheikh,

was our foremother.

The first ever Muslim woman punk.

Not that she ever referred to herself as such.

A cult figure with one breakthrough hit,

"Monkey Man Dance,"

a biting critique of the imperialist

white supremacist heteropatriarchy.

[MONKEY CHATTERS] Ow.

Yeah, but, Saira, Mahmood's only agreed

to waive his producer fee.

We still gotta pay studio time and the sound engineer.

I know, it's fine. Whatever we made this summer from gigging

just throw that at it. Job's a good'un.

Saira, we need 2000. Pounds?

No, shillings. [SCOFFS]

And we only made 200.

Pounds?

Pounds, yes, pounds.

That's it? We-- We played, like, 30 gigs.

MOMTAZ [SIGHS]: Gigging at this level doesn't pay.

Taz, now we need a gig that does pay to afford studio time.

You say that like it's easy.

I believe in you. We're recording this album.

AMINA: Taz had her work cut out for her,

butpour moi, band life was going great,

and so was work.

I had landed a dream job

at Queen Elizabeth Institute for Stem Cell Research.

Things were finally going my way.

Wanna know why?

Because I was in my villain era.

After all, I had learned the hard way

that trying to please everyone

had a tendency to explode in one's face.

Yeah, it's a family emergency.

Oh, no, not family emergency. Aw!

Amina. Right back, promise.

Do you have any idea what you've done?

[THINKING] Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

So my new MO: Doing exactly what I want,

on my terms, my way.

Let me show you.

Amina. Dr. Saunders.

Now, I've told you, Amina, call me Jimmy.

Now, listen, I'm terribly sorry, but, um,

I'll need you to stay tonight to cover the liver disease tests.

I'm sorry, but as I detailed to you in my e-mail last week,

I have a hard out at 5:30 p.m. on Wednesdays

due to prior and pressing commitments.

Look, I'm always happy to help, but I require 48 hours' notice.

Good day to you.

Right.

[***]

I am not a people-pleasing yes-woman.

I'm a bad mother with boundaries.

Non-negotiables. Thank you. Thank you.

Villain era, baby.

[GIGGLES]

Meanwhile, Taz was hard at work

trying to find paid jobs so we could afford

to record the album of Saira's dreams.

[PHONE RINGING]

[GASPS]

She was working around the clock.

You get it. You get it. No, you get it.

[ARGUE INDISTINCTLY]

Momtaz Records, receptionist here.

How may I help you?

Oh, of course, just let me patch you through.

[IMITATES STATIC]

It's a promoter. Which promoter?

I don't know.

[EXCLAIMS SOFTLY]

Momtaz here. Heh.

Gary, mate, you all right? Yeah, yeah. How's the daughter?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, brilliant. Brilliant. Yeah, no,

I was just calling around seeing if, uh,

you had anything for my band.

Yeah, w-- We-- We'd love to play Transcience Fest.

Transcience Fest. [SQUEALS SOFTLY]

How much does it pay?

No, sorry, no, no, we need to get paid.

[SUCKING TEETH] What, unproven?

Right, we've got serious clout. You-- You've seen our following.

Wait, what other Muslim band? What-- What do you mean? Who?

[***]

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

[***]

MA: It does sort of seem like a date.

Ma, it's not. Ahsan friend-zoned me.

It was brutal, if you recall.

AHSAN: I should have been clear:

I really like you, but just, you know, as a friend.

Plus, he said his colleague's just started these folk nights

and he needs a crowd to help get momentum.

You know, bums on seats.

So you're a bum-on-seat.

Nothing more, ah, nothing less.

How do I look?

Lose the hat.

Really? It's just a bit appropriate-y.

We didn't raise you on a Kansas prairie.

[SIGHS] Fine.

[***]

[PEOPLE CHATTING INDISTINCTLY]

AMINA: Oh, wow. Nice. Hm!

I thought you might like it. Hm.

Are you gonna play something?

Oh, maybe, if the feeling takes me.

Oh. [AMINA GIGGLES]

Ahsan. Oh, hey, bro, thanks for coming.

Yeah, no worries. Unh. Oh.

Uh, Billy, this is Amina.

She's an insane guitarist and singer.

Uh, and this is Billy. Uh, we work together at uni.

Uh, colleague.

Uh, your event looks amazing.

Yeah, thanks. Been, you know, cooking it in my mind palace

for a few years now and, it's--

Ah, it's finally come to fruition, you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

So, um, insane guitarist, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We gonna-- We gonna hear you play?

Oh, I don't know if I will. But are you going to play?

Yeah. Yeah, maybe a tu-- Tune or two,

if the feeling takes me. You know?

That's exactly what I said.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Ahsan, isn't that what I said? Yeah.

[LAUGHS]

[***]

Well, um...

Well, yeah, let's, uh-- Let's make a pact.

If I play, you play. Deal?

[SIZZLING] Deal.

AMIRA: Was it just me

or could you smell something burning?

It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

[WHIMPERS SOFTLY]

[GASPS SOFTLY]

Yikes, sorry. Heh-heh.

Should have warned you, he's pretty pretentious.

It's like Clint Eastwood called, he wants his hat back.

[SIGHS]

Hey, guys, Taifa here.

This is our cover of Ladyparts' "Bashir With the Good Beard."

Don't forget to like and follow.

So, as you guys know, I don't really...

The fuck? They're using our music to get famous.

This is fucked up! Nah, come on, it's a compliment.

What's that imitation flattery thing?

How the hell did they get so big so fast anyway? Yeah?

It doesn't make any sense.

I swear that it was, what, 10 minutes ago

that she was sniffing around your ass.

Ah-- Taifa's a beauty influencer.

I mean, she had a following pretty much ready to go.

She's got brand sponsorships, the works.

She's-- I mean, she's savvy.

Yeah, Imani's obsessed with her. Mm.

It's really cute. Beauty influencer.

Beauty influencer?

I thought she was just Saira's creepy little stan.

What?

[***]

Oh, my God.

[INHALES DEEPLY] They're called Second Wife.

Fuck, that's good. It's really good.

It's good. So good.

We have to play Transcience Fest,

even if it doesn't pay us. Oh, n--

We can't let them do the show and we don't.

Otherwise, what's next?

They get offered all the shows that are meant for us.

SAHAR: Uh, okay, sisters... Yeah.

...are really going to buy into the narrative

that there is only one slot for us? Hm?

Only one band of Muslim women allowed to exist?

When our whole thing is that we support

the greater sisterhood, right, Saira?

[WHISPERS] Think about it.

We're getting away from the point.

Our focus should be recording the album.

That's all that matters. [SIGHS]

But yes, we will play Transcience Fest.

Yes, mate. Yeah, we will.

Yeah, we will. And I'll tell you why.

Because it's tactical. It's tactical.

[ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

BILLY: * In colors On the snowy linen land *

[BILLY PLAYING DON McLEAN'S "VINCENT"]

* Now I understand *

[SIGHS] He's playing Don McLean.

I love Don McLean. * What you tried to say to me *

Yeah. Don's a don, innit?

* How you suffered For your sanity *

* How you tried To set them free *

* They did not listen They did not know how *

* Perhaps they'll listen now *

[SIGHS] Hm.

[WHOOPING AND CHEERING LOUDLY]

Yeah!

Whoo!

So, Amina, how's the new job going?

Amina? Amina?

Hi, everyone, I'm Amina.

[CROWD APPLAUDS]

Um...

Um, I told Billy that if he played a song, so would I.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Little did I know

he had every intention of performing, so, heh, um--

Whoo! Anyway, uh, this is a song I--

Uh, I used to sing as a kid.

It's really a duet, but...

it still works, I think.

[LUKEWARM APPLAUSE] [CLEARS THROAT]

[PLAYING EXTREME'S "MORE THAN WORDS"

* Sayin' "I love you" *

* Is not the words I want to hear from you *

* It's not that I want you * Whoo!

* Not to say *

[HALTINGLY] * But if you only knew *

* Only knew *

[THINKING] Shit, the words, what were the words?

So sorry.

Brain? Please come back.

Why can't I perform without the band? Oh!

* How easy it would be *

* To show me how you feel *

[EXHALES SHAKILY]

[CLEARS THROAT]

AMINA & BILLY: * More than words *

* Is all you have to do To make it real *

* Then you wouldn't have to say That you love me... *

* 'Cause I'd already know *

* What would you say *

* If I took those words away? *

* Then you couldn't Make things new *

* Just by saying *

* "I love you" *

[AHSAN GROANING]

* La-di-da-da-di-da- *

* Di-da * [LAUGHS]

* More than words *

Oh, you really shot yourself in the foot with that one.

What do you mean? You told me

she likes rootin' tootin' dad music,

so I took her to a folk night.

What I told you

was to take her to see some wheezy, crusty old men

trying to rekindle some former glory,

not to take her to see

some sexy, brooding, hokey-cokey -folky white boy with guitar,

all flushed with youth and whatnot.

That is her kryptonite. What are you saying?

What I'm saying, if you'd listen,

is that this white boy's prettier than you.

And you just got owned. [LAUGHS WHEEZILY]

How's he prettier than me? I-- I'm pretty, damn it!

Listen, I'm not saying

he's objectively prettier than you, you nimrod.

What I'm saying is that we live in a white supremacist society,

and them's the rules. [SCOFFS]

Which motherfucker decided that them creepy,

freakish, slopey, small button noses were superior

to my characterful, unrepentant, unapologetic shnoz, yeah?

Our white overlords, that's who.

That's why we hate ourselves.

That's why they're prettier than you.

Look, whatever. Amina's not that basic.

[LAUGHING] She's--

She's not just going to prefer someone because he's white.

Have you seen her bedroom wall of fame?

[***]

Whiter than Christmas.

Listen.

Enough of this bullshit "laddy-lad, how's it going mate,

how's it going, pal" bollocks, all right?

You really gut-punched my girl when you turned her down,

and now there's only one route left for you.

And what's that?

Grand gesture or bust.

TAIFA: This is our cover of Lady Parts'

"Bashir With the Good Beard."

Don't forget to like and follow! Enjoy!

Isn't imitation the highest form of flattery?

Yes, exactly.

Not when we're getting shafted.

No one's getting shafted.

Can we please just concentrate on the album?

We need new material. Song ideas, come on.

Um...

AMINA: After my girlboss,

scorching hot performance at the folk night,

courtesy of villain era, I was sort of riding high.

I wanted to write a song, nay, an anthem.

I was thinking we could--

[ALL CHATTING INDISTINCTLY]

[LOUDLY] I was thinking... Whoa!

...we could write a song about strong women in their power

who also have boundaries and non-negotiables.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Catchy.

Is this about you being in your beast mode.

My villain era. Correct.

Saying yes to things I want, no to things I don't.

So like, a basic girl-power song.

[CHUCKLING] No. No, no, no, no, no.

It is not a basic girl-power song. It is very specific.

Done her homework.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Let's have a little read. So...

"Jimmy ate my yoghurt, now he's putting it back in the fridge."

Oh, no.

My boss, Dr. Saunders, Jimmy,

he's always crossing my boundaries.

He's eating my yoghurt out the fridge and then

he's putting it back half-eaten. Hm.

[RHYTHMICALLY] "I got your e-mail, Jimmy, you sent it at night.

You expect a response, but I'm tucked in tight."

Yeah, that is a violation.

Right?

[INHALES, EXHALES]

[MOUTHS] Please.

All right, fuck it. Let's do a girl power anthem.

[LAUGHING] Yay!

[DRIVING GUITAR PLAYING]

I hope this song finds you well, Jimmy.

* Jimmy ate my yoghurt Now he's putting it back *

* I used to ignore ya Now I'm playing attack *

* I dropped the defense Now I've got you in my scope *

* Jimmy, back away From the fridge slowly *

* Got your e-mail, Jimmy You sent it at night *

* You expect a response But I'm tucked in tight *

* I'm different now, Jimmy I'm in my power *

* I'll respond to your e-mail At a reasonable hour *

* At a reasonable hour At a reasonable hour *

* At a reasonable hour *

[ULULATING]

* Self-care, bad bitch I'm a villain, I'm a villain *

* Out of office e-mail Saying zero fucks given *

* Self-care, bad bitch I'm a villain, I'm a villain *

* Out of office e-mail Saying zero fucks *

* Self-care, bad bitch I'm a villain, I'm a villain *

* Out of office e-mail Saying zero fucks given *

* Self-care, bad bitch I'm a villain, I'm a villain *

* Out of office e-mail Saying zero fucks given *

* Given Given *

* You ask me to work late But I'm all done *

* Off the clock, punched out Time for fun *

* You ask me where I'm going So I tell you the truth *

* Jimmy boy I'm going to a spin class *

* Kind regards, best wishes * * Eat shit *

* Yours truly, sincerely * * This bitch *

* But I'm different now, Jimmy I'm in my power *

* I'll respond to your e-mail At a reasonable hour *

* At a reasonable hour At a reasonable hour *

* At a reasonable hour *

[ULULATING]

* Self-care, bad bitch I'm a villain, I'm a villain *

* Out of office e-mail Saying zero fucks given *

* Self-care, bad bitch I'm a villain, I'm a villain *

* Out of office e-mail Saying zero fucks given *

* Saying zero fucks given Given. Given *

[CHEERING]

You are fucking amazing. Thank you so much.

[LAUGHING] Oh, man!

That was such a feeling. So good!

[CHEERING]

AMIRA: We were a triumph.

My villain era was already paying off.

I think they liked it.

No, no, no, no, no. They loved it.

AMIRA: Good luck to whoever had to follow that.

ANNOUNCER: You're a beautiful audience! And welcome to the stage now...

Second Wife.

[***]

TAIFA: So you heard "Bashir with the Good Beard" tonight.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Ladyparts were great.

They're my inspiration, and I heart them.

FAN: We love you, Taifa!

But now wanna hear an update on an old classic?

[APPLAUSE] Excuse me.

Old classic?

TAIFA: All right. Let's go.

* Why won't you love me? Why won't you text me back? *

* Leave me on read And ghost me like I'm dead *

* Are my clothes too tight? Do I love too much? *

* You say I'm not polite I say fuck you very much *

* Bashir with the good beard You're so pretty *

* You're so pretty You're so pretty *

* Bashir with the good beard You say you think I'm weird *

AMIRA: And there it was.

The crowd loved them, but it was our song.

Were we being replaced? Updated?

Like a new iOS in the night.

* Look what they've done To my song, Ma *

[MELANIE'S "LOOK WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO MY SONG, MA" PLAYING]

* Look what they've done To my song *

* Well, it's the only thing That I could do half right *

* And it's turning out All wrong, Ma *

Stop, stop.

[CROWD CHEERING]

* Look what they've done To my song, Ma *

* Ma, look what they've done To my song *

* It's the only thing I could do all right *

* And they turned it Upside down *

* Oh, Ma, look what They've done to my song *

* Look what they've done To my-- *

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