Original subtitles

Jesus boys!

Check it out! Rockcon is today, baby!

We are gonna get fucking crazy today!

Hey, Bubble! Look at my costume!

Hey, Randy! Where's your Sebastian Bach pants?

I just heard on the news that Rockcon's cancelled, Bubbles.

What?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Cancelled! It's cancelled, I'm sorry, buddy.

But you look great,

man. Oh my fuck!

Cancelled! Why?

Let's go, buddy!

How dare you?

Yeah, yeah.

First off, I want your badge numbers because this is absolutely ridiculous.

I am a major rockstar.

I bring joy to millions of people,

countless millions of people around the world,

and you're bringing me to jail?

Will you shut the fuck up?

Are you kidding?

Okay, I fucking got it.

You know what we gotta do?

We gotta take the markers,

put them in a pot,

boil them up, and then catch the

ether and it'll be like,

you know.

That might fucking work there.

I also heard fucking pinecones.

You smoke pinecones, apparently you get fucked up,

so we take some of those, put those in,

boil them all up together.

You're gonna be an equal partner,

you gotta stop fucking huffing solvents with him

and smoking crazy shit.

Okay?

What do you want us to do?

We got fucking nothing to do.

I'm trying to get you guys some weed.

How are you though?

How are you trying?

Just shut the fuck up.

I'm trying.

Fuck sakes.

That's the guy.

That's the fucking guy.

What's his name?

It's fucking Shatner.

Shatner's in the fucking jail!

Captain Earth?

Yeah! That's not Captain Earth.

Idiot.

Is that Peach Cobbler?

Peach Cobbler?

We call this shit fucking Peach Garbage, my man.

We do try our best,

sir.

I'm sure you do.

I'll take some of your Peach Cobbler later.

I'll give that some thought.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

T.J.

Hooker! No, it's from Rush.

Alex Life's the fucking little prostitute,

yes.

What the fuck are you doing here,

man?

Julian?

Julian?

And Ricky?

Come on, have a seat buddy.

Oh my god.

I can't believe it.

But how appropriate, huh?

Let me guess.

You got busted fucking prostituting.

You're Alex from Rush.

We should have an air guitar challenge.

Don't speak to me.

You're embarrassing us, okay?

Just...

So what the fuck,

man?

Oh my god.

I was doing this rock con event with Ace Frehley from Kiss.

So Ace has some stuff with him.

We get busted and I end up in here.

You're kidding me.

So did you do the fucking Joe?

No, it's cancelled.

That's the thing that Bubbles was looking forward to going to.

He's going to be disappointed,

man.

Fuck.

Poor Bubbs.

He's going to be disappointed.

I don't know what he does.

Mr.

Plyson Sir, just wondering,

how is the food?

I was wondering if I could get something just a little more rib-sticky.

For sure, yes.

Whatever you'd like.

Perhaps a panini with prosciutto,

brie,

and some arugula.

I have none of those things.

But I will see what I can rustle up.

Thank you, chef.

Just make it good, Billy.

So, what's for kicks?

Man, you used to be able to get whatever the fuck you wanted in here.

Now there's nothing.

No rules, no drugs, no booze, nothing.

I haven't had a drink since I got in here.

I've been doing okay,

but it's been fucked.

Have you ever smoked bug spray?

Once in 81.

Just once.

Hey, what about Bubbles?

Can he not help?

Bring in some lobsters and wine and booze.

He's never coming back here,

man.

Won't even come back to fucking visit us for fuck's sake.

You know what,

though? We might fucking do for Al.

Yeah, he kind of owns me.

He might be pissed off.

We don't fucking ask.

You can use my phone credits.

You're speaking to me again.

You know what they say.

Everything to lose if nothing's the same.

You're right, buddy.

Let's try it out,

man. Let's give it a try.

Why don't you hang here and practice air guitar?

Oh, you got it, Alex.

Straight on.

So do you use your phone credits?

Yeah, I fucking have at her.

Dilly-dilly-dilly-dilly-dilly-dill-dill-dill-dill-dill-dill-dill.

I'm fucking bullshit.

I don't know why I even bother having hopes and dreams.

What's the fucking point of having hopes and dreams?

Fuck it says now.

Hello?

Hey, buddy, how's it going?

How's it going?

It's not fucking going at all,

Julie, because it's already gone.

Holy shit.

Hey, what happened?

What happened?

Oh, you know RockCon that I've been looking forward to?

Well, they fucking canceled it.

No explanation, no nothing.

They just canceled the fucking thing.

That sucks, buddy.

I feel so bad for you.

Look, look.

What if I were to tell you there's a way

to you hanging out with Alex Lifeson today?

What do you think?

Do you remember him?

Mr.

Fancy Rich the Rockstar

who actually turned into a male prostitute?

I'm not gonna have him, boy.

Hey, Bubbles.

It's Alex Lifeson.

Fuck great off it is.

This is Larry or somebody.

Go fuck yourself.

No, no, it's really Alex Lifeson.

We're pretty sure it is him, Bubs.

Murphy, that does sound like you.

No, it's me, I swear.

Okay, well,

if this is really Alex Lifeson

then what fucking key is Red Varchetta in then?

Varchetta's in A.

They do those harmonics at the top

and then they transition down to the verse.

Oh my God, it is you.

Holy fuck, Alex, what are you doing at the jail?

Well,

technically I'm in jail.

This weird thing happened.

You know, Ace and I were gonna come up here from New York

and he got stopped at the border.

He's got this problem with the IRS

and he has this big envelope

and it's full of I thought was cash

or a letter or something.

In fact, it was hash.

So I ate as much hash as I could

before we actually got to the agents.

But I couldn't get all of it and then

next thing I know I'm here in jail.

Oh my God, that's crazy.

Yeah, it is.

So look,

I'm just wondering, we're here.

We'd like to party

and we're just wondering if you could bring something down, pay a visit.

Oh,

fuck,

Alex, I can't do that.

I'm sorry.

Oh, really?

You can't?

Come on, Bubs, it's for Alex.

It's not for us.

Look, for reasons I don't want to get into,

I swore that I'd never set foot in that place again

and I have to stick to it.

I'm sorry.

Frankly,

I'm kind of used to getting things done for me

and this is really a disappointment,

buddy. Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening.

He's not going to do it?

Come on, Bubs.

I got to go.

I got to go.

You take care of yourself, all right?

What the fuck?

Both of you wouldn't do it.

Well, why the fuck didn't one of you guys ask him

to fly some stuff in on his drone?

He does that all the time.

He has a drone?

Yes.

Why didn't you say that?

It doesn't matter.

He's not going to do it.

He's all paranoid the guards are going to fucking call the cops

unless the guards are in on it somehow.

I got to fix her though.

I can make it happen.

I'm sure I can make it happen.

We can party tonight for sure.

Fucking bring that on.

All right.

All right.

No, Bruce.

It's got to be delivered today.

80 inch.

8K too.

And 8K please.

Smart TV with Netflix built in.

Come on.

Smart TV.

Yeah.

The smartest one you can find.

Yeah.

Bubbles.

He's in my contact list.

Cool.

Thank you so much.

No, this is so awesome.

Thanks, Brucie.

See you soon, buddy.

Okay.

Bye.

Did he say he was going to?

Is it going to be a smart TV?

It's going to be a smart TV.

You start the fucking conversation for Christ sakes, man.

Smarter than you.

Smarter than him.

Smarter than me.

A genius TV.

Okay.

Are we good here?

Can he fly the fucking thing in now or what?

Well, if I don't see it come in,

I'm none the wiser,

am I?

I am none the wiser.

It is a pleasure to do business with you.

You see?

Now that's how you fucking do it.

All right.

Let's go.

Wash your hands.

I'm kidding.

I don't know why I always get my hopes up.

Because every time I do it goes to shit.

In fact, I'm just going to drink my sorrows away.

Try not to fucking Keith Moon myself.

I just don't think he's smart enough to do one of our shit movies.

Ricky.

Do you know what you're going to say,

Al?

What?

I got it.

I can make people do things.

Oh, here we go.

Boys, listen,

you can fuck right off.

I already told you.

I'm not fucking...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Bumble, the dog's watching again.

Oh, fuck.

Sorry about that, Alex.

I didn't mean to tell you to fuck off.

No, it happens all the time.

It's okay, buddy.

Listen,

the guys were saying you know how to fly a drone.

I do know how to fly a drone very fucking well, actually, but

I'm not flying my drone down to the goddamn prison so...

You don't have to fly your own drone.

I've got a fixer.

He can organize everything.

I've already cleared this with gorilla fingers,

and he's in, so no problems.

Yeah, right.

Did the boys tell you to say that?

No, no, no.

Look, Alex,

I...

Hmm, it's too risky.

I...

I...

Real trouble.

I can't do it.

I'm sorry.

All right, I'm gonna let you in on a secret.

I'm thinking about starting a new band called Rash.

And there's a spot for a lead guitarist,

because I don't want to play lead anymore.

And that's your gig if you want it.

What?

I could be the lead guitarist in your new band?

Absolutely.

You on the spotlight,

me in the back.

Oh, my...

Fuck, this is...

This is a whole different fucking thing now.

I didn't know this.

Um...

And you've got the drone, like I can...

It won't be my drone?

No, nothing.

I've got my fixer.

He's gonna look after everything.

Don't worry about it.

Um,

okay, okay.

You know what?

It's worth it.

It's worth it to me.

I'll do it, Alex.

Okay,

great.

Great.

I'll let you know when rehearsals are okay, then.

Bye. Yeah.

You are a professional man.

Holy fuck!

Nice man.

Did that really just happen?

I'm gonna be in a fucking band

with Alex Leipzig called Rash.

So...

I know I told Bubbles

a story about Rash

and putting this band together,

and he could be the lead guitarist and all that stuff.

And, okay, thank you.

I'm a dick.

So I feel bad about it.

But at the end of the day,

I got it done,

right?

I'm a guy who fixes things.

I get things done.

Here we go.

Holy fuck!

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.

Who's asking?

Someone who works for Alex License Numbered Company?

Do you want some fucking goodies or not?

This is the stuff I got to fly into the jail?

Holy fuck! Look at the size of that!

And the T2R107, modified.

That baby can lift a fat baby toddler.

You wanna know how I know that?

I lifted up a fat baby toddler.

Get the shit out of here.

I gotta be in yoga in nine minutes.

This is fucking crazy.

And decent.

Holy fuck.

Okay.

Holy fuck, I can't wait to give it a nightly.

Oh, I know.

It's here.

I can almost taste the fucking weed.

Now I'm gonna make some hash.

We can fuck down that, some shooters.

This rum is gonna taste like a fucking angel.

Piss it in my mouth all night,

man.

Wait till tomorrow morning.

I'll piss in your mouth.

I'm gonna start with a merceau,

and I'm gonna move on to a bordeaux.

Bordeaux?

No, we're not gonna be fucking bordeaux.

We're gonna be having,

like, funnel.

We're gonna be high.

Hey, chef,

what are the chances of getting

lots of melted butter for the lobster tonight?

Sir,

I will prepare you the finest of fondueux.

Oh, awesome.

No, no, we need butter.

Boys, boys, it's time.

Let's get out there.

Oh, fuck, it's fucking time!

Okay, let's see what the fuck a baby can do.

Oh, he's got the fucking power of a friend.

Jesus, the torque of those roads.

Okay, I think a max dog out, too.

Paper-steady bubbles, this should be good.

That's my training coming in handy now.

Tree line has been cleared.

All right,

I'll cash up your straight shots

in the jail here.

Stay on target.

Stay on target.

Traffic appears to be running very slow

on the 107.

Let's go.

Get the fuck back to work.

Oh, fuck, I'm losing out, dude.

Not this way here,

folks. Oh, come on, baby.

Back up you go,

up you go! God damn it! This is the last fucking time.

The last time I'm doing this.

Target in sight.

You're all clear, kid.

Now let's blow this thing in the hole.

Look at the size of that fucking thing.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Look at the size of that fucking thing.

Uh, hey, boss, we got help from our original police on line one.

Jesus H.

Christ.

Oh, my God.

Are you serious?

What's happening?

What in the fuck are you doing?

What in the name of Christ are you guys doing?

Holy fuck!

What are you talking about?

This is the ship for the party.

We talked about this.

I said if you could do it without me seeing you.

That's what we fucking did.

That's what you did?

The whole city saw this thing come down.

Now the real cops are out front for fuck's sake.

What?

Fuck off, it came in super stealthy.

What the fuck's going on here, boys?

Okay, okay.

So you guys thought you could get this in under my nose

while I caught you red-handed.

Oh, fuck off.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, I thought we had a deal here.

What are you talking about,

you geriatric Tom Sawyer cockster?

Hey, I'm 27.

Listen, get that shit inside right now.

Don't damage the TV.

This is fucking bullshit.

Get it inside fast.

What the fuck, gorilla?

Oh, fuck off, Ricky.

This is a mess.

Get in there, you assholes.

Don't damage my TV.

Fucking great.

Well, this is rather disappointing.

Perhaps another drone?

We were pushing it with that, Al, okay?

That's not gonna happen.

Fuck's sakes.

No big deal.

Nothing to see here.

Just landed a bunch of dope in jail.

We were just having coffee

over here and a great big

goddamn drone flew over us

with some boxes dangling from it.

And it looked like it landed in here.

Did you know about that?

Okay, you know, I saw that.

I caught that.

You know, it looks like we got some inmates on the inside

with some outside contacts.

You ever hear of a couple of

fucktards called Ricky and Julian?

From Sunnyvale Trailer Park?

Yeah, we know them.

Yeah, well we think those degenerates

are the ones, you know, up to no good.

Well, that's not surprising.

Yeah, but you know what, listen.

We got it all covered.

Really appreciate you guys coming over.

Thanks.

Well, have a good day.

So you don't know who was flying the drone then?

No, I mean, listen.

I got a full investigation open.

It's my top priority.

So we're cool.

We got it handled.

Yeah, awesome.

Maybe we should have a quick chat with Ricky and Julian?

Like right now?

I was just on break.

I was watching some fucking reruns.

Now would be good.

And then, the bus driver's driving,

he's smoking crack, he drops the pipe.

Bus catches on fire,

huge fire, goes crashing into the orphanage,

kids, nuns, everywhere on fire on the ground.

Fuck off.

Are you saying that's as bad as us losing all of our booze

and our dope and TV and lobster and all that shit?

That's what I mean, loss is loss.

I guess.

Yeah.

Hey guys, I got a couple of people here

that want to talk to you about the drone you had flown in here.

Oh, fuck off.

Let's skip the talk during the part where you're tongue

in the tip of my cock,

you're deep throat in my bag.

You're very, very funny, Rick.

Thank you.

It's really good.

How about you tell us about that drone that flew in here earlier?

What the fuck is a drone?

You know what that is?

No.

Julian, I suppose you didn't see one either?

No idea what you're talking about.

So if we went down to the park and asked Bubbles what he

knows about this, he wouldn't know anything

either.

He wouldn't know a fucking thing about this one?

I mean, that was a different drone.

So he flew the other one then?

No, I'm not saying that.

But even if he did,

there's nothing you can do about it now.

That already happened.

You didn't catch him because cops are down.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

We got what we need,

thanks. Yeah,

thanks a lot guys.

It's good seeing you.

You're laughing about?

Fucking idiots.

Look, you're the fucking idiot.

What?

You have no idea what the fuck you just did there,

did you?

What are you talking about?

I told him to sucker cocks.

Ricky.

No, no, no.

This reminds me, 82 in Tokyo, we were there.

I can't listen to these fucked up stories,

Al. You fucked up.

If you just fucked over Bubbles, it's all on you,

man. Well, dig this.

March, 1974.

We're going to Gary D.

and Dan.

I'm putting on a gig.

At a bar.

Back then, you took anything you could get.

So we pull up to the bar

and there on the marquee outside,

it says, one night only, Tom Rush.

We're like,

oh my God.

Like, were you there for a couple of nights?

Your band's called Rush.

Yeah,

yeah.

So we go in, we talk to the promoter.

You know,

we're Rush, not Tom Rush.

He goes,

oh, big mistake.

It's the agency's fault,

but you guys can't fit in here.

Of course we couldn't.

Now we're thinking, oh my God, we're not going to get there 800 bucks.

So he says, don't worry about it.

We'll pay you anyways.

It's not your fault.

You take the night off.

The promoter gives us a little bag.

This is nice.

Very nice.

Got up to the room.

Turns out it's angel dust.

Oh my God.

Never in

my life have I experienced

something like that.

So we are like

flying.

I feel like a tiny little

bug in a bed.

I'm crawling on my hands and knees to the bathroom.

We're like rolling around all night.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

And finally,

we wake up in the morning and we are still alive.

Unbelievable.

Did you ever meet Tom Rush?

Oh,

I fuck hope that's not him,

man.

That's no fucking way.

The cops didn't have shit on them

and the cops are fucking stupid.

Fuck!

I bought cheese and crackers and they didn't

give it to me.

Hey, Bubs.

Hey, buddy.

Fucking hey,

Bubs, me.

How's it going, buddy?

It's not going, Ricky.

Where'd you get the long sleeves?

I told them I'd

get chilly at night.

Now I thought you'd give a fuck

about my core temperature.

Come on, man.

Don't be like that.

Don't be like that.

You know what, boys?

You know what?

I'm just going to fucking say it right now.

I can never be your fucking friend ever again.

So you might as well

just go back to your fucking cells and leave

me be.

I'm not sure how in the fuck this is

our fault.

I mean, this is Alex's license fucking fault.

Him saying, oh, we gotta have this great big giant pretend helicopter

thing drop us off fancy wines and cheese

and fucking lobsters.

I'm a fancy rock star.

I need the fanciest of the fanciest

fucking stuff in the world.

Ricky, it's never your fucking fault.

I don't even want to fucking

hear it.

So just go back to your cell.

I'm done.

Well,

I mean, I'm not saying

there's something to do with it,

but it wasn't really my fault.

Anyway, you know what?

I'm too fucking dumb to fucking explain it to you, I guess.

Well, then don't.

OK, no.

I'm not going to fucking tell you

that it's my fucking heart's fault,

because that's who's fucking

fault it probably is.

Fucking Jesus.

What do you mean?

Oh, my God.

I think what happened was,

because I never fuck up words with the cops, ever.

I think what happened, my fucking heart,

it just missed you so goddamn much that

my heart speakled up to my brain and said, hey, brain,

like, can you just get him to

fuck the words up or something with the cops?

Because I need to see him again.

And I think that's what happened.

He was like, hey, brain, just fuck the words up with the cops.

So I did.

And now you're here,

but I don't fucking know.

So it's because you missed me?

Yes, I fucking missed you, man, but I feel like shit.

Give him a hug.

Come on.

Well, that's different,

Ricky. I'm sorry, buddy.

I'm sorry.

I missed you,

too.

Bubs, you're only going to be in here for a couple days

tops, OK?

I'll make sure nothing happens to you.

I promise.

You better do me.

Of course I will,

man. Look, Bubs, he's out there fucking waiting for you.

Alex wants to fucking

talk about the old times,

man.

Alex is still here?

Yes,

he's still here.

You're always been talking about.

Well, let's go talk to him.

Holy fuck, he's going to want to talk about Rash, our new band.

Hey, Bubs.

Hey,

buddy.

Hey, Alex.

Good to see you.

Good to see you, too.

Yeah, how are you?

Oh,

not great.

I'm in fucking jail, so I can't be that great.

Yeah.

I almost feel partially responsible for that.

Sorry.

Partially?

It's a little more than partially

responsible, but I fucking told you.

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

I couldn't stay mad at you.

So when's our first jam with Rash going to be?

Oh, hey.

Let's sit down for a second.

You know what?

I just talked to my lawyer about that.

Yeah,

jeez.

Yeah,

yeah.

Well, the thing is, it's not legal to actually do it,

and I can't do anything illegal.

It's like a business,

music business thing.

No big deal, buddy.

So there's not going to be Rash?

No, no, sorry, no.

Fuck's sake, that's the only thing I was looking forward to.

Well, you know what?

We could just

jam in here.

Yeah.

What?

Who wants to fucking party?

I got

gas,

glue,

and fucking markers!

Whee!

Oh, come on, give it a rip,

bud. It's really fun.

Okay. Holy fuck, those do give you a bit of a...

Right on.

Whee!

Oh, what the hell?

Whee!

Whee!

Whee!

Whoo!

Okay, bring it down!

Whee!

Here we

go!

Whee!

Whee!

Whee!

Come

on!

Whee!

Rash

loves you!

Good night!

Good

night! Fuck, fuck,

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