Original subtitles

Young lady, may I have this dance?

Daddy, we can't dance in the middle of a shop.

Why not?

We're just testing this record player.

- Do you have one of these? - No.

Hm.

- Do we have any marmalade? - I don't know.

Did you find a job to earn money to buy you some?

Tom, let's go! Let's go!

I don't have time to drop you off today.

- Bye, Grandpa. - Bye.

- Bye, Grandpa. - Have a wonderful day.

Do you need money for the bus?

I can scrape something together.

Broken.

Broken.

Broken.

Morning, legal guardian.

Don't you have your exam today?

Aren't you gonna call the police?

Nah, it's probably just some crack-heads

just looking for cash or jewellery or whatever.

Pretty thorough, these crack-heads.

Even checked for jewellery in the back of the TV.

- As you do.

Hi.

Just calling to wish you luck.

- 'How are you feeling?' - I feel like shit.

Like there's a million things to think about at once.

Well, look, when you get in there

and you can feel your heart rate spiking,

you can use that adrenaline.

- 'Yeah? You'll be fine.' - Alright. Thanks.

'That's OK.'

Good luck and you just call me any time you want.

Bye.

Phone privileges are suspended.

I'm not a child. This is my phone.

Not until you stop lying to us.

Or go out on secret midnight plumbing jobs.

You're not even VAT-registered.

You all set?

Text me after.

Yo, Esme.

- Where you going? - Why do you care?

Why you being like that? Why you ain't been around lately?

- You told me to go away. - No.

You buggin' out or something? Chill and talk for a minute.

No, I've gotta get to this exam.

You can be five minutes late.

You can't, actually. It's one of the rules.

Chill and talk for a minute.

You OK for money?

Why you being nice to me?

Just want to talk. I miss you being around.

You're full of shit.

For real. For real!

Everyone loves you.

Don't you have fun when you chill with us?

Yeah.

Don't you feel safe?

Yeah.

Alright, then.

So, come on. Come back to my crib.

Why?

Just chill, have a chat, smoke.

We can watch a Blue Planet on my 68-inch.

It's like being in the actual sea. Hm?

No, I gotta get to this exam.

Er...Mum, you shouldn't even be snooping around in there.

Because it's my bedroom. My name's on the door.

Yeah, exactly! Exactly!

Not, "Come in." Hey!

They are not anal beads.

They're called nunchucks

and they're Japanese fighting sticks.

Yeah. How do you even know about anal beads anyway?

Ugh, Mum!

I don't want to know that Trevor bought you anal beads!

Diane! My office now.

You know what, Mum? I'm hanging up.

Sir.

Diane, this is Detective Sergeant Haines

of the Bristol and Avon Constabulary.

Honora to meet you, ma'am.

There's no need to curtsey. She's not Camilla Parker Bowles.

This is D.S. Selforth.

Diane, a drug gang from London now operating in Bristol

has been robbed by an armed masked man.

That man has been tracked by CCTV

to the building that your offenders are renovating.

The building's a CCTV black spot,

but a witness said she saw a masked man

entering the building with a sports bag

and then leaving some time later without the sports bag.

Without the sports bag. Yeah, well, we've got to find the bag.

Do we know what's in the bag?

It could be money, drugs, even weapons.

A.K.A. gangster shit. Yeah, I feel ya.

We'd appreciate it if you give us access to the site.

Well, you've come to the right person,

'cause I'm planning on becoming a police officer myself.

OK, calm down, Bruce Willis.

They need you to open the door, not lead a SWAT team.

- Shall we? - Yeah, sure.

Oh, thank you.

- Thanks. - Thank you, sir.

Kiss?

- Has Tom got a girlfriend? - Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me?

You're supposed to be my spy on the inside.

Kiss.

Here you go.

Thank you. Bye.

Margaret?

- Oh, hi. - Kathy, Marcus's mum.

- How are you? - Good, thanks.

I don't know whether you heard,

but I'm organising the school fete this year

and we're doing a car boot.

I don't suppose you'd want to do a stall?

It's only a fiver.

That's actually what my car's worth.

Ha-ha.

Oh, also, I hope you don't mind me asking,

just you're the only person I know

who's mates with the rich and famous.

Any chance you could ask Lady Gabriella to open the fete?

What?

See if she'll judge our rude vegetable competition?

- You've lost me. - Oh, come on.

My Marcus, he was there. I've seen the pictures.

What pictures?

Lady Gabby at the party at your house.

- I don't know that woman. - Go on, it's not a big ask.

She just has to give first prize

to a turnip shaped like a big fat ass.

Rani, I can't remember what we talked about.

My head is buzzing here. I feel like I'm gonna faint.

Oh, God. Can you call me back?

Please.

Shit.

Traffic wasn't too bad, was it?

- It was fine, Diane. - Let's check the back.

Sorry, just gotta get the code in here.

Only I know the code, ma'am. Don't worry.

I reset it daily just to make sure.

Oh, no, hold on.

There we are.

Oh, yes, please. Here we go. Come on now.

Thank you, officers.

Here we are.

So, when I apply to be a police officer, like yourself,

uh... what sort of thing will they be looking for?

Well, you need a decent level of fitness.

Check. I mean, I've been a member of Crunch since New Year.

Pretty sure I could bench you, Sergeant. No offence.

Uh...head down there.

Ooh. Bit of a tight squeeze.

Do you think you'll work well in a team?

I mean, if I'm honest,

people would probably describe me

as a maverick who gets results.

But also punctual with one heck of a tush.

Would you feel comfortable managing a large team?

Yeah, no problem. I regularly supervise up to seven people.

Well, leadership skills are essential.

Oh, I'm a born leader.

The offenders are always saying I'm like a little Hitler.

Not because they think I share Hitler's views.

Just, you know, his natural authority

and, you know, just his ability to get shit done.

Would you be willing to work very long hours?

Never see your friends or family?

Yes, please. I'm quite happy not to see my family.

Especially since my mum moved her new bloke in, Trevor.

I was in the kitchen the other day having breakfast

and he came in his robe and it fell open.

I was eyeball with everything.

Should I have to look at a 70-year-old cock and balls

with a mouthful of Coco Pops?

No, you should not.

No, exactly. Thank you, ma'am.

I mean, talk about turning the milk chocolatey,

I almost turned the milk vomity.

Police aren't always popular.

Do you think you can handle being ridiculed? Laughed at?

Oh, yeah. I've always been laughed at.

You shit yourself one time climbing the rope in gym class

and you're no longer Diane Pemberley, you know?

You're Squiddles.

So, any more for any more?

You need diligence, a keen eye for detail...

Check.

...and you have to be able to follow orders.

Oh, yeah. I mean, ask anyone.

Following orders is what I'm most famous for.

That and my great tush.

Well, you should be a shoo-in for the force.

Assuming you pass the background checks.

- Background checks? - Yeah.

They just need to check you don't have a shady past.

Nothing to hide.

Let's start wrapping things up! There's nothing here.

Nothing up here, ma'am. All clear. Anything down there?

Anything else I can assist you with, Sergeants?

Just ask you keep your eye out for anything suspicious

or out of the ordinary.

What kind of thing?

People hanging around the site

and walking back and forth a lot.

And casing the joint. I feel ya. Uh... ma'am?

If I do decide to apply to be in the force,

would you put a good word in?

I'm not allowed to do that.

Have you thought about becoming a community support officer?

They're just glorified traffic wardens, aren't they?

No, they're not.

And it will help with your application

when you do apply to the police.

Really?

This is my card.

If anything catches your eye, however small.

Call me any time.

Don't worry, ma'am! I've got eyes in the back of my head.

Turn over your papers, please. Time starts now.

Do you know what I do?

- I know. - Do you?

'Cause thinking you're about that life

and bein' about that life

ain't one and the same, Es.

This ain't a game.

It's some serious shit.

I know it ain't.

But I want to make some bank.

I want to earn some respect like you.

And I don't want people tellin' me no more

what I should and shouldn't do.

- Alright, Squiddles? - Oh, grow up, Dave!

Why did he call you Squiddles?

'Cause he's a prat. Back to work.

- Five per cent? - Five per cent?

Greg, that's barely enough to buy a coffee round.

You're thinking of five pounds.

Can we just discuss this later? OK?

Guys? Guys, just gather.

So, I'm thinking about donating

some of the profits from my festival to good causes,

so, if you have any ideas, just let me know.

But I definitely want to support animals

and people who are LGBTQIA+.

Also my Wi-Fi password.

The Bristol Justice Collective needs £1,000

to campaign against people appropriating black culture.

Does cultural appropriation go both ways?

Yeah, if you see a black guy on the beach

wearing socks with sandals, feel free to get upset.

When are you two going to see it?

See what?

This constant arguing and bickering... you're in love.

- Ha! - You're delusional.

- Yeah, you are. - No.

- Yes. You are. - That's a ridiculous idea.

You are just two angry peas in a pod.

Oh!

Right.

So, I'm gonna need my share of the money in my account today.

Yeah. Me too.

- You can't. - What?

I knew it. You thieving bastard! Where is it?

What have you done with it, Frank?

Keep your wigs on. Your money's safe and sound,

but you can't walk into NatWest with a suitcase full of cash.

Looks a tad suspicious.

Well, I can't pay my employees from a bag full of £50 notes,

because that looks a tad suspicious.

Which is why you need to launder it.

Oh, we need to... OK, Scarface!

We're laundering money now, are we?

Not we, you. I'm keeping mine in cash.

Well, how are we supposed to launder money?

Not my concern.

It's absolutely your concern, mate.

Because, I tell you right now, if I go down,

I'm taking you with me, and you.

Wow.

What you need is a crooked lawyer.

Can I speak to you please?

Hey, thanks for calling my sister.

No, no, that's fine.

The police came to my house last night.

What?

They have CCTV of the robbery and my dad's van's on there.

- Have they connected us? - Not yet.

My dad said that, um... that he was the one driving the van.

So, what did you say to your dad?

That I was at a friend's house.

- Does he believe you? - No.

It just makes me so upset

that my own parents think I'm lying about this.

But you are lying about this.

Yeah, but they don't know that.

I don't trust either of you as far as I can throw you.

Why would I trust a bent lawyer?

You can't say bent lawyer. It's homosexual lawyer.

Bent as in corrupt!

Oh, right.

Come off your high horse for five minutes, can you,

while we launder our stolen money?

Guys, please, a bent lawyer is exactly who you can trust.

It's the honest ones you have to worry about.

But why would he help us?

'Cause he won't have a choice.

Diane?

There's something high up I can't reach. Can I borrow Greg?

I'll allow it.

How can the big man help?

Can we ask you a hypothetical legal question?

OK.

Imagine a lovely sweet old lady finds a large bag of cash.

- What's her name? - Beryl.

And where did Beryl find this money?

Uh... she found it at the bottom of the garden.

Sounds unlikely.

Yeah, well, Beryl's a lucky old cow. What are you gonna do?

Beryl is not a wealthy woman and this money could help her

out of all kinds of financial jams,

so she comes to you, you're her lawyer,

and she says, "Greg, I need to wash this cash pronto,

"and I need a paper trail that makes it look legit."

Beryl sounds a bit shifty.

No, she's a sweetheart. You'd like her.

What would you do?

I'd say, "Thanks for coming in, Beryl.

"Always a pleasure to see you.

"But I can't help you with this, obviously,

"because you're talking about money laundering,

"which is a major crime and we'd both go to jail."

To which Beryl says, "Yeah, right, absolutely.

"But, theoretically, what would you do?"

Well, theoretically, Beryl,

we'd need to funnel it through some kind of shell company.

Smart. And how would you do that?

Um...

Well, I'd use an existing client's account at my law firm,

like Lady Gabby's.

How does that work?

I'd have Julie in the accounts department

pay the money into Lady Gabby's account,

and then have Julie issue you a check.

Greg, I knew you're the man to turn to.

I want you to do that for me.

As I said, Beryl, I can't, 'cause it's money laundering.

Greg, do you remember when you told us

about how you forged signatures on legal documents?

That your cupboard of chaos was full of evidence

of your total incompetence and professional negligence.

Why don't we call your boss right now,

tell him all about that?

Is this still Beryl talking?

No.

- Are you Beryl? - Yeah.

- Beryl? - Yep.

- Beryl? - Yeah.

What do you think?

Say yes.

Do you know what this is?

Power.

Long as people know you'll use it, no one will mess with you.

You like that feeling?

Now it's cocked.

Now you aim. Pull the trigger.

Breathe in and pull the trigger.

- Bang!

My bad. Never meant to make you shook.

But you've got to be prepared, 'cause the thing runs off loud.

Do you want to go on my chocolate fountain?

What?

I bought a chocolate fountain. It's the shit.

Yeah, come.

Your mother and I want to talk with you.

Do you remember the ultimatum I gave you

when you were arrested?

You said that if I stole, cheated or lied to you again,

that I would be dead to you.

Well, that is where we are now.

What?

We can no longer trust you. You will not tell us the truth.

So, we want you to move out, find your own place.

Are you joking? Did you agree to this?

What about Oxford?

You will not be going to Oxford.

You don't seem to place any real value on it anyway.

- What am I supposed to do? - Get a job.

Mum?

You asked us to stop treating you like a child.

So, this is what it is like to be an adult.

I took the van to help a boy from community service.

He's a really good person,

but he... he was forced to steal from some drug dealers

to help his sister.

I took the van to save or help, I don't know, something.

But, that... that's what happened.

I have one question.

Mm-hm.

Are you mental?

You want me to take you seriously,

but you still act like a child.

You can't just say, "Oh, I'm sorry about that,"

and as soon as the sun goes down, do the same thing again.

Pretty soon, the word sorry doesn't mean much.

You're right, but I am sorry, Margie, truly.

Why are you having a go at him? He threw the party for me.

He's the one person in this house who's trying to help me.

What? I try and help you. That is literally all I do!

He knows that.

- Am I speaking to you? - No. Sorry. You have the floor.

I don't need your permission to speak. Go to your room!

- Me? - Yes!

Keep going till I hear the door shut.

Mum, he's changed.

A leopard can't change his spots.

Yeah, but people can.

Yeah, but your grandfather can't.

Being selfish and a liar is in his nature.

Do you remember the parable about the scorpion and the frog?

Your grandfather is a scorpion.

Right, well, a minute ago he was a leopard. So, which is it?

Every time, he breaks my heart! That is what he does!

He makes you love him,

and when you drop your guard down, he rips your heart out.

I will not let him do that to you!

I'm gonna go now.

It better all be here.

- What do you take me for? - A liar and a thief.

You sound like my daughter.

Hey, you've been married a while, right?

- You understand women. - What?

Say you upset your wife and it's your fault.

- How do you win her back? - I give her things.

- Like what? - Like flowers, perfume.

- You know, scratch cards. - That works?

Or take her on a little trip, you know.

Ruth gets stuck with the kids quite a lot,

so sometimes it's nice to give her a little holiday.

Holiday. Uh-huh.

Hiya.

Oh, blimey.

Right, so I suppose we...

"Thanks, then, Greg.

"We appreciate you risking your career for a total stranger."

"Oh, no problem, John."

"We should get a pint when this all blows over, Greg."

"Oh, that sounds lovely, John, yeah."

Hey, Greggles. Guess what?

I did a survey around the office, right,

and you're number one.

Number one what?

Person most likely to die

in one of these wanking and choking accidents.

Oh, yeah. Oh, it's going dark but I quite like it. Ah.

My glasses are steaming up.

Oh, I can't see my reflection.

Come on. You're almost there, Greggy. You're almost there.

What do you know about those Twilight movies?

The Twilight films?

I know that the only thing more out of date are your condoms.

Are they about the vampires or something?

Yeah, that's right, yeah, they're films for teenage girls

who fantasise about having sex with a dead bloke.

So you'll probably love them. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ah.

Hiya, Julie.

- Hello, Greg. - Alright? Um...

So I was watching TV last night and Twilight came on,

and I thought, "Yes, please, I'll have a bit of this."

I never knew you were into The Twilight Saga.

How can you not be? Incredible films. I was wondering if you...

Alright, big question. Team Edward or team Jacob?

In what sense?

In the only sense.

What was the question again?

Team Edward or team Jacob?

- Team Jacob. - Yes!

'Cause why would you choose a vampire over a werewolf?

No idea. Absolutely no idea.

Everyone's always like, "It's got to be Team Edward,"

and I'm like, "Excuse me.

"Do you not remember at the beginning of New Moon

"where Edward just abandons Bella?"

How can we forget that? The little shit.

- And who was there for her? - Well, you know.

- Jacob. - Jacob. What a guy.

It does help that he's got a body to die for.

Oh, preaching to the choir here, sister.

I said to my husband, "If Taylor Lautner comes to Bristol

"and he wants me to lick sweat off his abs, I'm doin' it."

That's disgust... that's... that's nice of you.

Just, you know, welcoming. It's like, "Come to Bristol."

You off to the gym yourself?

Only if you'll lick the sweat off my abs after.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

No, it's a giant bag of cash.

- Oh, ha-ha. - No, it is. It really is.

Why have you got a big bag of cash?

Well, my client, Lady Gabriella Penrose-Howe, handed it to me,

and she said, "Greg, would you pay this into my client account

"before close of business today and then issue checks

"to the two names on this piece of paper, please?"

Shall we do that for her?

Well, why's she got a big bag of cash, then?

Whoa. Well, I tell you what. Let me tell you why.

She has a lot of public appearances.

You know, in like clubs or opening supermarkets, fetes.

That sort of thing.

And she always demands to be paid in cash.

Is there anyone weirder than the aristocracy?

Not that I can think of.

OK, so, shall we go down the bank and pay this in

and get them checks issued?

- Oh, yeah, no problemo. - Great, great.

I just need you to get this signed

by the compliance officer.

I thought you were the compliance officer.

Oh, God, no, not anymore. Thankless task.

The only reason to be a compliance officer

is if you want to be there when shit hits the fan.

Or you want to suck up to your boss.

So, who's compliance officer now?

Yeah. OK, six o'clock, perfect.

Oh, for fuck's...

Alright, thanks.

Team Jacob.

Hey, Margie, what you up there for?

Money.

Money?

The school's having a car-boot sale.

I thought I might try and flog some crap.

Why do you need money?

Well, I use it to pay for goods and services, Frank.

I don't know if you've noticed,

but there are four people eating in this house

and only one person bringing in any money.

Well, then, let me help you.

Oh, sod off.

Really. I insist.

I might let you win one or two. You never know.

Mind you, with that flag...

Oi, oi, saveloys!

Thought you were usually in Torquay

at this time of year, Graham.

I will be in a week when they finish repainting my yacht.

Huh! Yacht!

No, seriously, I... I've bought a yacht. 60-footer.

- Yachts are a money pit. - Yeah.

If it floats or flies, rent it, don't buy it.

Not worried.

You know why? Asia.

Asia?

Mm. Lot of motorbikes in Asia, John.

- They all need brake pads. - Ahem!

I don't follow.

You don't want to do business with our Eastern friends,

I get it.

Me, I'll share a spring roll with anyone.

Bai-bai-la!

Yeah, no, uh... that's... Well, I can explain.

What happened?

The... the Chinese wanted so many strings attached.

Long-term, they were... they were just gonna screw us.

Then you negotiate.

You can't negotiate with the Chinese.

They don't know if they're communist or capitalist.

It's like dealing with the Labour Party.

Jesus. It took me 40 years to build this business.

You've banjaxed it after six months.

I haven't banjaxed anything, OK? I've found a new investor.

Who?

Just a businessman looking to diversify his portfolio.

Well, why am I only hearing this now?

When am I going to meet him?

Why do you want to meet him?

- Because it's my company. - It's our company.

When am I going to meet him?

I'll set up a meeting.

Huh.

Oh, look. Your old records.

You always loved your music. We should play more music.

Look at all these...

Debbie Gibson.

Kajagoogoo.

Milli Vanilli. All the greats.

Let's play them. Where's your record player?

Really?

What?

You don't even remember, do you?

What?

Never mind.

Rani, come here!

Sit down.

Your father and I have been talking,

and we are very relieved that you have told us the truth.

We have decided that...

...you can stay.

On one condition.

No more trouble. No more visits from the police.

And you have nothing further to do with this boy.

You must not speak with him or contact him in any way.

And if he talks to you again, then you just ignore him.

And if you prove to us that you can do that, you can stay.

Thank you.

Chap, a bit of intel for you. Have you noticed

the new paralegal's been checking you out all day?

- Seriously? - Yeah.

She's been giving you all the signals.

I'm surprised you haven't picked up on it.

I've been balls deep in work, chap.

Time to get balls deep into something else.

- The new paralegal. - No, I got it, yeah.

B.R.B.

Brilliant.

In what possible universe did I believe you could read women?

She told me to stick my fat head up my big ass.

She goes to H.R., I'm taking you down with me, mate.

- My bad, chap, sorry. - Just...

One compliance form, signed, sealed, delivered.

I know what you are.

What?

Vampire.

Remember? Bella, Edward in the forest?

Yeah, I love all that shit, yeah.

I'm just conscious that the banks are closing soon.

So, shall we?

Alright, I'll just...

Come on, let's go. Chop-chop. Let's go, let's go.

Oh, OK. Alright.

Chill out.

Yo, this is Godiva chocolate direct from Belgium.

85 per cent cocoa.

Get a marshmallow, get involved.

How's your brother doing?

He's mastering how to be a total dickhead.

Yeah? Why you say that?

'Cause he's suddenly decided he wants us to leave Bristol.

And go where?

I don't know. Anywhere.

He have the weight to roll like that?

I mean, he says he's come into some money.

But it's probably just bullshit.

Es, you had me bugging out, man.

Why weren't you answering your phone?

What have you been doing all night?

Minding my own business. You should try it.

Es! Please.

We need to talk.

There's something you need to know about the break-in.

It weren't crack-heads. It was the Brook Hill crew.

What you on about?

They were looking for something that I took.

What?

Money.

You stole money from Brook Hill? But how stupid are you?

Look, we have to leave tonight. Just get out of Bristol.

- And go where? - Anywhere! I dunno.

- London or... - Yeah.

Let's go London to get away from gangs.

Just give them back the money.

The money's gone, Es.

On what? 'Cause it ain't the cleaning lady.

It's not spent, it's stolen, alright?

I hid it at C.S.

just in case Brook Hill came back here looking for it.

One of the other offenders must've taken it.

I'll figure out who it is, get it back, but then we have to go.

First you take me away from mum.

Now you want to take me away from my friends. Fuck you.

No, this will be good for us, Es.

There's enough money to get us out of this dump.

We could find a nice place somewhere.

And once you pass your exams, we'll get you into a uni.

Why can't you get this into your thick skull?

I don't want to go to uni.

I don't wanna live with you in your fairy-tale house with you

or teachers or social workers

or fucking Rani getting in my business.

I just want to live my own life how I want to live it.

Esme!

- Hello. - Hello. How may I help?

I'm interested in foreign travel.

Somewhere hot, relaxing.

Where do you have in mind?

How far does that get you?

Ooh!

Well, I tell you where I love. Lanzarote.

It's a volcanic island. The whole place is black.

My husband and I love it so much,

we've gone 16 years in a row.

The national dish is potatoes mojo.

Or mojo potatoes, as they like to call it.

We absolutely love it. You can cook it on the hot volcano.

Like on the rocks there.

I distinctly remember telling you

I was going fishing with Roy.

Didn't tell me you were going for two months. To Portugal.

I didn't know myself until yesterday.

This is madness.

We're on the bloody breadline,

and you're going fishing with your mate!

- What do you want me to do? - Cancel it.

I can't! I can't do that to Roy!

You saw how happy he was about this.

- It's the trip of a lifetime.

Can you even hear yourself? You're a husband and a father.

Dad? Where are you taking that?

I'm just borrowing it.

To listen to some tunes on my trip.

It'll remind me of you. That OK?

You've taken the TV, the radio,

and now you're pawning your own daughter's record player?

What is wrong with you?

If you go, we won't be here when you get back.

Oh, fuck you, Frank!

There we go!

- Thank you. - Pleasure.

My brother says it was you that broke into our flat.

Your brother thieved from me.

Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't you tell me?

Weren't sure I could trust you.

Well, you can.

How can I know that for real?

I'll get your money back for you.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

But you gotta let me stay here with you.

I got parents and siblings. Ain't no room for you.

Then rent a flat for me. That's the deal.

Aight. I'll get my boy Souljah to rig you up.

Yeah. It should look good on a...

Yeah.

Well, the festival's on your father's country estate.

So, what about a name

which evokes the English country garden?

You know, like, um... CountryFest.

Sounds like CuntyFest.

Sunset Gardens.

Sounds like a high-end hospice.

- Greensleeves? - Toddler with a cold.

No, it needs to be more rock'n'roll.

How about Rural Carnage?

No, I'm just picturing some kids

caught in a threshing machine.

What about something like Woodstock? You know?

Like, um... Poshstock? Livestock?

Beefstock? Fishstock? Lockstock?

What's the U.S.P. of this festival?

OK, um... I want it to be inclusive

and, you know, uniting people, um... exchanging ideas so...

Ooh. The Sharing Festival?

No, we'll only attract swingers.

We'll never get the lube off the croquet lawn.

OK, Meditation Camp? Mindfulness Camp?

- Contemplation Camp? - Concentration Camp!

- I don't think so. - No?

You know, naming things is really hard.

It really makes me think twice about having a baby.

Or a jewellery line.

So, we, um... we will need to pitch the idea to Daddy.

Your father hasn't given permission?

No, he doesn't know anything about it yet.

Sorry, you haven't told your father about the festival?

Well, you know, I wanted to choose the right time.

You don't think the right time was

before we spent two days doing paperwork?

Yeah, alright Greg, don't get pissed off with me.

You don't know my Dad.

He's a sweetheart, but we do just need to pick our moment.

Pick our moment? We've already picked the latrines.

Alright, Greg. I'll sort it.

Jesus! I will sort it!

Hey.

Remember that bag that I had the night of...?

Look, I hid it here and it's gone. Have you seen it?

Yo, are we good?

Yeah, I'm just trying to get on with my work.

I called Daddy's secretary and made an appointment to see him.

You have to make an appointment to see your dad?

G, this is serious. We're not ready.

- For what? - You don't know my father, OK?

He is... Daddy, he's the best.

But in the past, I have gone to him

with some bad business ideas.

Such as?

Tonic-flavoured gin.

Fluorescent ice cubes

so you can find your tonic-flavoured gin in the dark.

Virtual fox-hunting for posh people with a conscience.

I don't want Daddy to see this as... as another one of those.

You know? I... I want...

I want him to see how serious I am about the festival, you know?

I want him... I want him to be proud of me.

He will be.

We can't even think of a name yet, you four-eyed fuck-nut!

Sorry. Just... I got really stressed there for a minute.

I just lashed out.

No, I noticed. Yeah. I mean, it escalated pretty quick.

Well, I tell you what. Look, don't worry.

Why don't we meet up later

and we'll come up with a name, a whole presentation.

- Yeah, OK. Thank you. - Yeah.

And I'm sorry for calling you a four-eyed fuck-nut.

I've been called worse.

Such as?

Wank-sock with glasses.

Haunted pencil.

- Gollum's ugly brother. - Mm.

Albino ET on stilts. Pedo Harry Potter.

Look, don't listen to them.

You look nothing like Harry Potter.

Is he gonna hurt my brother?

What the fuck are you doing?

Is he gonna hurt my brother?

He's gonna find a place for you to crash.

Why does he need a knife for that?

Give me the gun. What are you gonna do?

Is he going to hurt my brother?

Put the gun down, you little bitch.

Is he going to hurt my brother?

Oi, you little bitch. I ain't saying it again.

Put the fuckin' gun down.

Call me bitch one more time and I'll fucking shoot.

Don't come near me.

Psst... Myrna.

Dillard.

You have our checks?

- Is Beryl happy now? - Yeah.

- Yeah. - No. Beryl's got a new problem.

I fucking hate Beryl.

My father wants to meet my new investor.

- What new investor? - The one I made up

to account for this huge, unexplained cash injection

into our business.

Why didn't you just tell him you won it on the horses?

Yeah, "Hey, Dad, I know the family business is in crisis,

"but, don't worry, I just gambled everything

"on Lucky Jim in the 2:15 at Kempton."

- What do we do? - I don't know.

I mean, I can create some fake paperwork or something.

But I can't create a fake person.

Look, it's your dad.

Have you thought about just telling him the truth?

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah.

No, because my dad would call the police on me himself

just to... just to teach me a lesson.

If he needs to meet an investor we need to give him an investor.

Yes, we do. Who?

Howard Cherry, Cherry Investment Capital.

Very excited to be in business with you, Mr. Halloran.

Well, we're all definitely going to jail.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

I... I've done something really bad and I...

OK, alright, calm down.

Tell me, what did you do?

What happened?

I shot Spider. I don't know what to do.

Give me the gun. Give me the gun.

Listen to me. You can't go home. OK?

But where do I go?

Remember where we used to go when we were younger?

Go there and just wait for me there.

- Can't you come now? - No. Not now.

- Please. - I can't. I can't. I can't.

Just go there, turn off your phone, don't chat to anyone.

Look, I'll come as quickly as I can.

It's gonna be OK, Es.

I'll make it OK. Go.

Go on.

Will you help me with something?

What do you want?

- I want my money back. - What money?

I don't have time to fuck about.

What have you done with it?

Who do you think you're talking to? Huh?

I want it back.

It's not that simple.

Look, I want it back,

or I'm gonna hurt you and I'm gonna hurt your family.

Get me the money by tomorrow

or I'm coming for you and your family.

- Do you hear me? - Yeah.

Look, that weren't what it looked like.

- I don't want to know. - Let me just explain to you.

I don't... don't want to know.

Can you handle being unpopular?

Never see your friends and family.

Don't mind if I do.

I just found a weapon hidden on the premises,

and I happen to know for a fact it wasn't there yesterday,

which suggests to me

that one of you put it there today.

Who was it? Was it you?

Why would I bring a weapon here?

The only thing I hate more than violence is global warming.

And those trainers with the toes.

Was it yours?

All my weapons are at home for when the revolution starts.

What revolution?

When the people rise up and revolt against their oppression

by government overlords like you.

- When is this scheduled for? - Any day now.

If you have an exact date, you better tell me.

- She's winding you up. - Oh.

Or was it yours?

Hm?

Or maybe it belongs to you?

- Of course not. - Why of course not?

Not a crazy suggestion.

You're a criminal like everyone else here.

Like Gabby said, why would I bring a gun here?

How do you know it's a gun?

What?

All I said was I'd found a weapon.

I didn't specify what kind.

Well... is it a gun?

Yeah.

But it could've been a knife, taser.

Gun's a bit of a big leap to make.

This is Bristol, not South Central.

The only way that you'd know it was a gun

is if you hid it there yourself.

Or if you know...

who did.

Whose gun is it, Ms. Rekowski?

You can tell me or you can tell the police.

And refusing to tell them

is accessory after the fact and an obstruction of justice.

OK, then.

It's his.

Seriously?

Again?

"Souvenir"]

Hello?

- Found my money yet? - 'I'm working on it.'

Just dealing with something else right now.

Listen. Our working relationship is this...

I own a chain of hot-dog stands,

and I pay people like you to sell sausages.

So, tell me, what's more important

than you selling my fucking sausages?

Nothing. Just give me a few days. I'll get your money back.

You already had two weeks to bring me my money

and the guy who took it, and I don't see either.

'If I get you the money, does the thief matter?'

I want a head on a spike

so my competitors don't get the same idea.

If it isn't his head, it will be yours.

'So, yes, I would say it matters.'

Clock's ticking.

We should reference some of the brand partners.

Yeah, Daddy will definitely want to know about brands.

- So, who are you thinking? - In terms of brands?

- Yeah. - All the big hitters.

"Souvenir"]

Alright, Es.

Hey, hey.

- It's alright. It's OK.

- I thought I'd lose you. - It's OK, it's OK.

It's over.