Original subtitles

(gentle broody music)

(jaunty music)

- [Thomas] Imagine being gay.

(jaunty music continues)

Now imagine realizing it.

Maybe you think of this, or this,

but it wasn't quite so clear for me.

This was my first clue that I might be different.

(lasers beaming)

But this probably sealed the deal

for anyone who wasn't sure.

♪ With the shadows of the night ♪

♪ So baby take my hand, you'll be alright ♪

- [Thomas] My parents weren't repressive

or close-minded people.

I mean, after all,

this was my Halloween costume when I was eight,

but I once heard a neighbor boy call me a Fag.

It made my mom cry.

I didn't really know what that meant,

but she sure did.

And I understood that my mom loved me,

and that loving someone is complicated.

On my ninth birthday, my parents gave me my first camera.

That day I took a photo of my best friend, Sarah,

this man dressed up as a pirate, and my parents, kissing.

Three weeks later, my dad died in a car crash.

(melancholy music)

At the funeral,

I took a photo of every single flower arrangement,

and then I took a portrait of every guest.

My mom said this is when she knew

I was going to be a photographer.

About the time my family fell apart,

another family showed up on TV,

and there was no death, no sadness.

- Well, I never.

(audience laughing)

- [Thomas] Oscar was a sensation.

He was a foster kid who was discovered

at just the right time.

For 10 whole years,

he delighted and distracted the country.

Then he lost everything. (cameras shutter)

After being forced off the show,

Oscar tried a little bit of everything.

Nothing seemed to stick.

Years later,

I was shooting this wedding when a bridesmaid just fainted

in the middle of the ceremony.

And there was Oscar.

I remember him saying, "Get some water,"

but it also might have been, "What do you think?"

Or even "She's wasted."

This is the first photo I ever took of him.

Oscar was unlike anyone I had ever met.

Sexy, charming,

surprising, and always so sure.

He asked me to marry him in the parking lot

of a grocery store.

He had no ring, no plan.

He said he looked at me and just knew.

We were married less than a year

when Oscar thought it was time to grow our family.

- Should we have kids?

- [News Reporter] Scientists now say that some effects

of climate change may be irreversible.

- Should we have kids?

- What?

- Should we have kids?

- I don't think we can make them like this.

For a long time, I wasn't sure.

Oscar had never forgotten his years in foster care.

So as usual, Oscar got his way,

and we welcomed a foster child into our home.

We had one year with Arthur,

one birthday,

one perfect summer,

one Christmas,

and one goodbye.

(gentle dramatic music)

(gentle dramatic music continues)

(gentle dramatic music continues)

- [Laura] Hi, Mr. Reid.

This is Laura Walker, your favorite case worker.

I was just calling to confirm that today was still good

for you to meet.

Also, Arthur's mother said that he left a few things behind

and I said I would grab them, specifically a green hat.

So anyway, call me if you need to change our appointment.

(distant footsteps) (muffled speech)

- So will Oscar be joining us?

- No. He's filming in Michigan.

It's just me today.

- Oh, okay.

So we schedule these exit meetings to give foster parents

a chance to talk about, you know,

whatever it is you're feeling.

- Okay.

- And I know at the end, things happen really quickly,

so it is completely normal if you feel angry or sad.

Okay.

Just one more little thing before I can head out.

They make me give this very brief survey

about your experience, if you don't mind.

- Okay. (folder slams)

- Oh, Jesus, I'm so sorry.

Okay.

The County Department of Child and Family Services

facilitated a positive experience as a caregiver,

and then your options are yes, no, or no response.

- It was terrific.

- Sorry. Is that, is that a yes or no?

- Yes.

- Yes. Okay.

In the future,

I would consider participating as a caregiver again.

Yes, no, or no response.

- Okay.

- I'm just gonna leave this here.

- No.

Yeah, it's a big no.

- Okay.

Hey, Thomas, why don't you just finish this when you,

you get a chance?

- Yeah. Great.

- Thank you so much for letting me stop by

and grab Arthur's things.

Okay. So both of these, bag, a lot of stuff.

- Can I help you with this?

- No I'm fine, I got it.

- You sure? - Yeah, I've totally got it.

(bag rustles) (hand thuds)

(whimsical music)

(heel snaps) (Laura wails)

(bags thud and crash) (Laura wailing)

(Laura gasps)

- Ow!

- Are you okay?

- How bad is it?

- Ugh, oh my God. - Oh my God, what?

- Don't look, stop!

Hey, you don't want to look.

- Is it broken? - Yeah.

- Is it broken? - Yeah, it's broke-

(Thomas vomiting) (Laura gasping)

- Why do you keep doing that?

(Thomas vomiting)

(Laura vomiting)

(Laura gasps)

Hi.

- You feeling okay?

- Would it be impolite to say no?

- I mean, I did see your bone.

- Oh my God.

This is the most ridiculous thing

that's ever happened to me.

And I once worked at a water park in Florida.

- The doctor said you were lucky

you didn't get a concussion.

So there's that.

- At least a concussion might have made me

forget some of the humiliation of tumbling.

- It's fine.

- My God, you're so kind for staying here.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Okay.

Well, this has been fun,

and equally scarring.

- Actually, would you mind helping me with one more thing?

(door latch clicks)

(light music)

(door slams)

- Hey, girl.

(pebbles trickle)

(Thomas sighs)

(bag thuds)

(gentle music)

Arthur Christopher Ramos was born on May 21st, 2014

at 8:24 AM in Los Angeles, California.

It was a Wednesday.

These are the photos I took that day on my phone.

(gentle music)

Moments before I took that photo of Oscar,

he was singing "Moon River" because he knows

it always makes me cry.

He was smiling because he succeeded.

Two years later,

the building where Arthur and his parents lived

caught on fire.

Arthur and his mom were at the grocery store

when it happened.

They lost everything.

This is everything.

Three months later,

Arthur's mom was arrested for shoplifting food.

She was unemployed and living in a homeless shelter.

The next day,

Oscar and I received a call from Laura asking if we would

take in a six year old boy named Arthur.

This is what fear, wonder, and joy all look like.

That night, as he fell asleep,

Oscar sang "Moon River" to him.

♪ Wider than a mile ♪

- [Thomas] And I cried.

♪ I'm crossing you in style ♪

♪ Someday ♪

(cell phone buzzes)

- Hey handsome.

- [Oscar] Hey.

- I thought you were working today.

- I am.

We've been shooting promos all morning,

but they gotta get me a Speedo, so I'm waiting.

- Oh. Yeah. - Anyway, what's up with you?

- Nothing. Did you get my texts?

- Yes. Crazy about Laura.

Did you see the bone?

- Yes.

Oh my God.

- And you saw a Ricky Martin poster inside her closet door.

Does she know he's gay?

- And maybe she has a thing for gay dads?

I don't know.

I, I read Arthur's file.

- [Oscar] Of course you did.

- I know, it was just there,

and it had all these notes about us, like,

warm, loving, capable.

Capable.

- What do you expect?

They didn't take Arthur away because we were bad

at being parents.

They took him away because his mom deserved

to raise him herself.

- I get it.

- What?

Someone having a change of heart?

- No,

I'm serious.

- I miss him too.

But he is where he belongs.

- [Server] Which one do you like?

- Yeah, the camos are fine.

- What's going on?

- Thank God Speedos are back. We gotta do night shoots.

I gotta go now,

but I will say hi in the morning when I wake up.

- Okay. I love you.

(phone clicks)

(phone slams)

(gentle music)

(car honks)

So wait, wait, wait.

You weren't in Palm Springs this weekend?

- No. I don't get why this is so confusing for you.

- I'm sorry.

You posted four pictures and a story of you in Palm Springs.

- Right. From last June.

- But you didn't put that in the caption or,

or use that hashtag TBT or whatever.

- So?

- Sounds like you should just take a break

from social media.

- Whatever.

I got a whole bunch of messages from guys this weekend.

- Was one of them your trainer, Kale?

- No.

Kale is in the Catskills for a naked men's yoga retreat.

Listen, I got my limits and Naked Yoga is one of them.

Just call it an orgy and move on.

(Thomas laughs)

I'm actually going on a date with a guy who messaged me.

- A date? - Yeah.

- How very traditional of you.

- Shush.

He's a bit older, but very complimentary of me.

I see what you and Oscar got,

and I wouldn't mind being adored.

- Ooh, come here.

We're not gonna find anything here.

We should just go to that cactus store in Echo Park.

- Can you imagine Leah keeping anything alive?

Oh, remember Bootsy, that gray cat?

- Oh my God, yes.

Poor girl. - Rest in peace.

Oh.

Hello. What about this?

- I don't know. It's pretty phallic.

- Exactly.

- I don't think phallic is the route to take

for a lesbian housewarming party.

- Of course it is. Women love this sort of thing.

It's a symbol of power.

(Thomas scoffs)

- Do you remember their wedding?

- Like stepping into Hillary Clinton's closet.

- There were like, what?

Maybe three men there.

Then they summoned the spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt.

- Oh, I remember that. Right.

- I don't think they find wieners to be empowering.

- Yeah.

That that wasn't a great night to be a single desperate man.

I remember.

(dramatic music)

What is it?

- It's nothing.

- Did you see someone?

- No.

I thought I saw Arthur.

(doorbell rings)

(people chattering)

- Hi. - Hello.

- Hello.

- Shit, did we get the wrong day?

- No. Why?

- You're wearing pajamas.

- I'm not.

- Oh. - They're super cute.

- Yeah.

- This is athleisure wear.

It's very east side mom.

- Right.

This is for you.

- Oh, wow.

Thank you. - Meow.

- Wow.

Thank you so much.

- Thomas. Hi! - Hey.

- Oh, I was hoping you'd come by.

I haven't seen you since like-

- Oh, it's been months.

- Yeah. Oh, sorry.

Thomas, this is Annie.

Thomas is a fabulous photographer.

He did my first and third wedding.

- Ooh, honey, nice to meet you.

What happened in wedding number two?

- Well, thankfully there's no photographic evidence

of that one.

The FBI collected it all for the grand jury trial.

(both laughing)

I'm sorry.

Can you please excuse me a moment?

I've gotta go pump my girls before they leak

all over the place. - Yeah.

- I didn't know they could leak.

- So you're a photographer. You're good?

(Thomas laughs)

- I think I am.

What about you? What do you do?

- I'm a mommy.

- We love that. And what do you do for work?

- I'm a mommy.

I have a motherhood lifestyle brand.

- Oh, that-

Yes. Very that.

- You know, social media presence, vlog, brand deals.

Some have called me a visionary.

- And you make a living doing that?

- I do.

In fact, I just launched

a very successful line of ankle weights for babies.

They're huge in Korea.

- Why not? - Mm-hmm!

- Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

- Sure.

- How did you become a mother?

- Oh, my best friend donated his sperm.

- Is he-

- Gay? - Yeah.

- Yes. Yes.

Very gay. Gay gay gay.

- So progressive.

- I actually find it to be quite old-fashioned.

- Hmm.

- Okay. I gotta go and tinkle.

But you and me, we'll get together later, okay?

We'll talk about the snap snap.

- I will be here. - Alright toodles!

- Please.

I just want some cake

with a tiny little bit of dairy.

- Okay. - Thank you.

- [Sonia] Good seeing you, Thomas.

I'm gonna go fire up the hog.

- Sonia did not just ask you

to do those nude shots on her motorcycle again, did she?

Because I told her-

- No, no, she's sweet. (door slams)

I couldn't do that again.

I did just meet a new client though, I think.

- Who? - Annie?

- Oh.

She's great. - Yeah?

- Yeah. She's huge in the lesbian mom community, so.

- Nice.

- She's friends with Rosie, O'Donnell.

- I got it.

How do you know her?

- Sonia baked our son's first birthday cake.

- That tracks.

(Thomas sighs)

- You okay?

Jamie said there was a bit of a dramatic incident earlier.

- Everything's fine.

- Okay.

Well, he said you looked like you saw a ghost.

- Yeah. I don't really wanna talk about it right now.

It's just like all these people in here.

- Okay. Well, I'm worried about you.

Oh, do you still wanna speak to Jen and Vic

about the adoption agency they used?

Because they're supposed to be here, so.

- No, we're,

we're kind of giving up on the whole adoption thing.

- Okay.

- I mean, Oscar's so busy with the show and it's just like,

it's unrealistic.

- Okay.

Sorry to hear that.

- I love being a dad.

It's just like,

it doesn't make sense right now.

Timing, and I don't know.

I don't think that I can really

try to do it again right now.

Right?

No.

Stop. What is going on in there?

Do we have any news?

- Don't. Nothing.

We'll know on Tuesday if this round of IVF worked.

- Okay. How you feeling?

- Amazing.

Fucking sucks.

I'm so anxious, but I shouldn't be anxious.

And all I wanna do is drink, but I can't drink.

And so.

- Hey yeah, I'm so sorry.

Staggy has gone to the car for the power drill.

- What? - She wants to do

the quick adjust. - I told them,

no power tools today! - Okay with the screaming.

(door slams)

(gentle music)

(both muttering under breath)

(gentle music continues)

- I don't understand the appeal.

- Are you kidding?

This photograph is beautiful.

- You enjoy it?

- You're not kidding.

- I mean, they're provocative, I guess.

- Okay. Look at this photograph.

Right? This is about kinks, submission, aggression, power.

Homosexuality at its core is provocative.

- Yeah, but that's my problem with it.

- What?

- This is what everyone thinks gay people are like.

- This is what gay people are like.

- Some.

- Hmm. And some are stubborn.

- I'm a Taurus.

(both laugh)

I don't know.

It's like the ever expanding title of our community.

LGBTQ plus, YZX plus plus plus plus.

- Oh, oh.

- How can we be one thing

when we're expected to be everything?

- Hmm. I am so glad that I brought you here.

- Listen.

When I got outed from the show,

I was charged with perverting some kind of idea or image.

I mean, we were the first Latino family on primetime TV.

- Yeah. Major.

- But Freddy Cruz suddenly was a queer.

So that, that was it.

It was done. Nothing else mattered.

All of a sudden, this is how they saw me.

I wasn't a person anymore. I was provocative.

- I'm really sorry that that happened to you.

That must have been really hard.

- It sucked.

(hand spanks)

- When I was 12,

I found this book of Mapplethorpe photographs

at a bookstore in St. Louis.

My mom was there,

so I had to like rush to get it back on the shelf.

I didn't want her to see me looking at it.

I had all these dreams about these pictures, these men,

and just,

I dreamt that I was in leather,

and I was determined to find another copy of this book.

So I went to the library in the city where my mom worked,

and there it was,

and then when it was time to leave, I stole the book.

- You stole it. - I did.

I mean, technically I wasn't stealing.

My tax dollars were paying for it.

But- - You were 12.

- Yeah. So?

- You weren't paying any taxes.

- Someone was.

(both laugh)

Hm. And these photos shaped the idea of me.

You know, that's kind of all I, all I had.

That's all there was.

- Well, at least now I know

where your thing for leather originated.

(both laugh)

- So he had me get in my underwear

and lie face down on the mat.

- Why were you in your underwear?

- Hmm.

Then he straddled me and stretch my back

for like 20 minutes.

- How much is Kale charging to train you?

- Why?

- It doesn't sound like he's doing anything.

- Oh, you played a Ted talk during it.

- Whatever, girl.

It's your money.

- Well, it's someone's money.

- Don't tell me.

- Come here, Judy.

- That that guy is paying you

for pictures of your feet again.

- Oh. No, no, no, no.

I think Victor's in jail now.

This guy just wants videos of me eating egg rolls.

Racist.

- Where do you find these guys?

- I'm sorry.

We can't all find wealthy former child stars to marry.

- Yeah. Well be careful what you wish for.

- Uh oh. Trouble in Silverlake?

- Oh, everything's fine.

- When does Oscar come home?

- January.

If the show gets picked up,

he's gonna want us to move there.

- To Michigan, permanently?

- Unfortunately.

- Yikes.

- It's really, really helpful, Jamie.

- Well, I guess Michigan might be a better place

to raise a kid than LA, right?

- I thought I told you we're not going to foster again.

- Yeah, I know you said that.

- Hmm. So then why'd you bring it up, hm?

- Thomas, you are many, many things,

but subtle, you are not.

Look, I saw your sweet and wistful smile

when that child tried

to ruin our brunch with that endless round of peekaboo.

- No, no. That's not what that was.

- If you say so.

- Ugh.

- What's wrong?

What does Oscar think about all this?

- He's always so busy.

- What about your work?

- What about it?

I mean, I have weddings coming up and-

- Are you doing something just for you, self-care?

- Something to just for me? - Yeah.

- Girl, please.

Who has the time?

- Sounds like you do. (clears throat)

- Stay there.

That light is gorgeous on you.

- Oh, just be natural, right?

Okay. - Yeah. No, natural.

(camera shutter clicks)

One more.

- You getting the, you know, the cheekbone,

and the jawline? - That jawline, huh?

That jawline is so good. - Yeah.

- I'm gonna be happy again.

- You will.

- Yeah.

- We're all gonna be happy again.

- Should we go get some egg rolls?

We can take some pictures.

- Take some pictures of you, of a racist person.

(gentle music)

- Oh, please, please don't glare at me like that.

- How would you like me to look at you, right now?

Hmm?

- [Oscar] I booked a show.

We're moving to Michigan.

Our lives are about to change.

- [Thomas] Exactly.

And we're about to lose Arthur. And what?

You're just gonna be in Michigan?

- Yeah, but I told you that nothing I can do.

- You really want me to go to court alone?

- I wanna thank you for taking care of Arthur

for the past year.

I appreciate what you did for him. I do.

But he is my son.

I hope you understand that.

I am his mother.

- [Oscar] He is going back to his birth mom.

- [Thomas] Please.

- We knew from day one

this was probably going to be temporary.

Do you understand how much I would've given

to have had that opportunity?

- You would've really wanted

to leave a loving home to go back

and live with your junkie mom?

- I don't mean to be disrespectful to you or that man,

but neither of you were his father.

It was always temporary.

Just temporary.

- [Oscar] Let's not forget you didn't want to have kids

in the first place.

- I didn't want to have kids.

No, but then we did it, and we met Arthur.

I wanna keep him.

That's not like this insane thing for me to think.

- So I should quit the show. - Oh.

- Is that what I should do?

I should quit. - Stop!

I didn't say that. - That's what you're saying.

If I could be with you in court, I would, but I can't.

He's going back to his mom where he belongs.

If I need to say goodbye,

I will be back. - Please stop.

- Thank you,

for what you did do.

- Thank you.

Come here. It's okay.

What you did for Arthur,

no one can ever take away.

You need to remember that.

It's okay.

(trunk slams)

- Wow.

- I know, I know.

It's a little shabby at the moment.

- Please. Thank you for actually calling me.

Most people just take my information to be nice.

- Ah! Well, I'm not nice. (laughing)

- Can I?

- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Right there is fine.

(bag thuds)

- Do you know Maria Butcher?

- Oh, yes. She's an old friend.

We go way, way back.

I was her first art attorney.

- Oh, you're an attorney. Okay.

- I used to be,

but then I took a look at my life and I thought,

is this it?

You know, like I just kept thinking

about the next thing and the next thing and the next,

and then one day I realized, I said,

"Annie,

it is so much more important to be centered

and be happy in the day."

- Mm, 'cause there is no other way.

- Excuse me?

- Yeah.

♪ Don't look back that long, long road ♪

The song.

♪ You only live one day at a time ♪

♪ One day at a time ♪

- Okay.

- So, no. - No.

- It's a song my dad used to sing.

It just reminded me of it.

- Sure. Okay.

Anyway,

that led me to deciding that I wanted more than just money

and status and a line of attractive ladies.

I wanted to be a mommy. And I haven't looked back since.

- Right. - Oh, here they are.

Great.

Ted, this is Thomas. - Hey, Thomas.

- Thomas, Ted. - Nice to meet you, Ted.

Hey little man.

My name's Thomas, what's your name?

- Fuck! (hand slaps)

- No, no.

We did not name him that.

His name is Huck, right?

The H, huh huh huh.

His speech therapist said he should grow out of it.

- Ah, I see.

Well it's nice to meet you, Huck.

I get some sprinkles.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- Yeah!

- Ted, sweetheart,

I told you to put him in the Venetian Pearl.

This is clearly a Sarcoline.

- Oh. This is Sarcoline. - So, okay. Yeah.

We'll be right back.

We're just gonna quickly change. Come on, honey.

Yeah, we'll keep that.

We'll, we'll keep that orange.

- Sounds like a white emergency.

- (laughing) So you're the donor.

- I prefer father, actually.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

- Oh, it's fine.

It's, it's not always clear to everybody how this works.

- Yeah.

How does it work, exactly?

- Well, we are sharing this house.

We co-parent Huck, but we definitely have our own lives.

- Wow.

I didn't realize y'all lived together too.

- Well, just till Huck starts school, and then we'll see.

I mean, there's no real rule book for this,

so we're just gonna do what feels right for us.

That's kind of the point.

- Hmm. I love that.

Did you always know you wanted to be a dad?

- No.

It really wasn't until Annie came to me

that I even considered it.

- Yeah. I mean,

I didn't even think it was an option until it happened.

- Oh. You're a dad.

- No, I was, but I, I was a foster dad.

- Oh, I see. - Not anymore.

(footsteps patter)

- Hey buddy,

look at you and your white shirt!

- Do you mind if I- - Not at all.

Look at the camera.

Say cheese. (camera shutter clicks)

- [Thomas] Yeah, so good.

♪ That is the only way ♪ (cell phone buzzes)

- Hey.

(doorbell rings)

- She won't come out of the room.

(gentle music)

- I'm gonna go in, okay?

You wait.

(door clicks)

Hi.

- Hey.

♪ Because ♪

- Didn't even bring me miscarriage flowers?

- I came as soon as I heard.

- Not even sad supermarket flowers.

- Did you really want sad supermarket flowers?

- No.

- No.

- I want a baby.

So stupid.

- What if I told you I brought you Italian food

from that place on Hillhurst?

- Did you? - Mm-hmm.

- So you're a good friend after all.

Go, get it, I'm hungry.

- Okay.

I love you. (gentle music concludes)

- Anyway now, I check her REM cycle on the Watch App.

- Okay, that seems a little extreme.

- Sometimes I'm trying so hard to suppress a cough,

I have tears streaming down my face.

- Oh, baby.

I feel like Sonia would understand if you're coughing.

Like, what are you gonna do?

- Yeah, awake Sonia would.

But there's something that happens to her

when she's half asleep.

She becomes a demon.

It's terrifying.

I'm pretty sure if I didn't have cough drops

next to my bed,

she would've killed me by now.

- Not the demon.

- How much longer are we-

- It's right up here on the corner.

Not many steps to the top.

- Remind me why we're going there again.

- The guy Harry Hay

that started the

Mattachine Society

used to live right next to 'em.

- What did they do, again?

- They advocated for queer people in the 50s.

They were kind of the first group.

- Oh, I see.

And these were a bunch of white guys?

I thought so, okay. - Okay.

Look, it wasn't perfect,

but it wasn't totally worthless, either.

I mean, these things take time, right?

What are we gonna do about this cough?

Do you think these stairs are gonna

fix this cough? - What are we gonna do

about this hill?

Are you fucking kidding me? - I got it.

Come on. - Oh my God, ugh.

Here we go.

(both sigh)

- I thought there'd be more.

- More steps?

- No, I don't know.

This whole experience feels wrong, somehow.

- I think you're deciding to be disappointed.

- No, I'm disappointed.

- Sometimes stairs are just stairs.

- Okay, let me get a picture of you.

- To memorialize the disappointment?

- Just sit down. - Okay.

(camera shutter clicks)

- There's something about you.

- My good looks?

Or my professional and financial success?

- When are you going to Denver?

- Next week.

- And they're gonna try to fertilize you?

- No, it's just a consult.

They won't take you if they think you're hopeless.

But they're supposedly the best.

- It's weird how we're going through something

so similar yet so different.

You know, you're my oldest friend.

- Oldest? (Thomas laughs)

- Not now.

Longest.

You're my longest friend.

- That's better.

Oh.

Should we try and beat the hipster moms to the top?

- In these boots?

- Yeah, let's do it, yeah. - Okay.

- Okay, on your mark, get set, go!

- Hey! - Oldest!

Motherfucker! Ah!

Yes, yes, yes!

Ugh!

(both panting)

Even after all these years,

it still feels so good to watch you eat my dust.

- Eat my dust? - Yeah.

- What is this, '94?

- Oh my God.

- Oh that's Sarah.

That's Arthur's mom.

- What? - Yeah.

- What is she doing here?

- No, his school's right down the street.

She must have just dropped him off.

Oh, should I say something?

- Be normal, just be a person.

- Hey Sarah.

- Thomas.

- How are you? - How are you?

- Good, um,

this is Leah.

She was with me at the hearing.

- Nice to see you again.

- How are you? How's Arthur?

- Never better.

- That's awesome.

I know he was worried about starting school.

I've just been thinking about him a lot.

- He's doing really well.

- That's amazing.

- Well, I'll see you around.

- Yeah, yeah.

Bye.

- You okay?

- Yeah no, I'm great.

She looks tired, right?

Don't you think she looks tired?

- I don't know.

- No, she's gotta be tired.

I know she's working two jobs right now,

and it's like, I'm just worried, you know?

He's at school, and-

You know, they say that driving tired

is worse than driving drunk.

Imagine raising a kid tired?

- Thomas.

- But I knew he was,

I knew he was going to school there.

It was only a matter of time

before we ran into each other.

Ah, the anticipation is over,

and we're good, it's happened.

I can move on.

- And she said he was doing good.

- Yeah, she said that, right?

- She did.

Hey, it's okay. (melancholy music)

(door swings open) (clearing throat)

Oh, I know, I know!

- It's just IVF, so you miss your injection window,

we have to wait a whole other month.

- I'm sorry.

Sorry I'm not chomping at the bit

to stick seven needles in my broken body, ugh!

- Hi Thomas. You want some pie?

- Mm, yes, please.

- I think this one is the winner.

It's a Bananoffee Cream Pie.

- Oh, Banana-noffee.

- I'm still working on its name.

(both chuckle)

- Oh my God.

- Yeah? - Yes.

Holy shit. - Yay.

How was your walk?

- Ugh.

- What?

- We ran into Arthur's mom.

- Okay, I see.

Arthur is well?

- Yeah.

- I know you've been having such a hard time,

but I do hope that you see

just how special what you had was.

(Thomas scoffs)

And he made you a dad.

And what a wonderful gift.

What a wonderful gift.

You want some pie?

You want some pie. - Yes, please.

- Okay, alright.

Pie, pie pie pie.

What I'm wondering is what it is about being a father

that made you feel like you were a better person.

- Mm. - Yeah?

Why do you keep denying yourself

the opportunity to just feel that again?

- I don't know.

I don't think it's wrong for me to feel like

it'll never be the same, you know?

- Now I know you didn't ask my opinion, but listen,

I think you are an exceptional dad.

And the reality is that time, honey,

time is gonna run out.

- Okay. - So,

maybe you don't take my advice,

but it would've been wrong

if I didn't at least try to warn you.

- Thank you.

- Our lives are lived only once.

There's so little room for error.

(Thomas sighs)

But this pie, though.

- [Thomas] Leah, Sonia, Jamie. (melancholy music)

What can I say about these people?

What is it to really know someone?

I met Leah the Fall of my freshman year of college.

She found me passed out in the bathroom

of a friend's house,

and she held me until I woke up

to make sure I was okay.

She smelled like lemons.

She's always been so good at fixing other people.

It wasn't until she went to rehab

that I realized she was always

just trying to fix herself.

When Leah met Sonia,

we all thought it was a fluke.

Too sweet, too young.

But she loved Leah, broken pieces and all.

When Sonia proposed to her,

she didn't say, "Will you marry me?"

She said, "Be with me, be with me, be with me."

Three times, like an affirmation.

Jamie was my first neighbor in LA.

I never had a platonic gay friend before.

He taught me about drag queens, brunch,

gay subcultures I had never heard of before.

I had never met someone so truly himself.

So it was a surprise to all of us

when we found out his family didn't know he was gay.

When he finally told them,

they didn't speak to him for nine months.

He was cut off completely.

Jamie moved in with me and Oscar.

We became his family.

I once tried to count all the photos I had ever took.

But it was impossible.

Sometimes it feels like a burden,

freezing time,

remembering being remembered, remembering,

but it's how I show my love.

By suggesting the possibility of immortality.

I've thought a lot about how we all found each other

at exactly the right moments.

How we complement each others strengths and weaknesses.

In the 50s, maybe they would've called us a society,

shrouded in secrecy and innuendo,

but what we have isn't new.

It's the oldest damn thing there is.

Maybe someday there will be a staircase named after us,

and the people who walk will know

that once there was a group of people

who called themselves a family.

(melancholy music)

(sheets rustling)

(blinds swoop)

(faucet running)

(Thomas spits)

(melancholy music continues)

(camera shutter clicks)

(birds chirping)

(paper rustling)

- A house on Lake Michigan?

- Baby, you're screaming again.

- And we're supposed to feel sorry for you?

- No, no, I'm not asking for that.

- These photos are insane.

We just got you a shitty cactus.

- Oh my God, there's an old fashioned

creamery down the road?

- I know you are excited,

but if you keep screaming,

you're gonna keep me up all night

with that coughing again, so.

- I call the room with the balcony.

- Mm-mm, you can't call the room with the balcony.

You have to be in the place.

- Look, no one is calling anything, okay?

I don't even know if I want to go.

- Oscar bought a house for you on Lake Michigan,

and you're not sure if you want to go?

Did you have a stroke this morning?

- He rented it, okay?

He didn't buy it.

And, I don't know, he didn't consult me.

- But didn't you all agree

that if the show got picked up,

you were going to buy a house?

- Maybe it's just I'm officially the same age

as my dad was when he died, and I don't know,

I just thought I would have done more

with my life by now.

- Thomas, you have a nice life.

- Aw, I love you.

- So, what are you gonna do?

- Honestly, part of me kinda wishes the show

doesn't get picked up.

- Well, if that's how you feel,

that's how you feel.

Don't agonize over it.

- But I'm not.

And like, that's weird. I should be.

I just wish I could hit the rewind button

and go back to the way things were

before it all got so complicated.

Oh my God. (both laugh)

- Happy birthday!

- That is gorgeous. (all clapping)

Wait, did you make that?

- I did. - You made that all?

- Yes I did! - Artiste.

- I'm dying to eat it. - Damn.

He is old! (both laughing)

- Okay, go over there, Jamie. - Do the timer thing.

You have to be in it. - I don't need

to be in this. - Why so bossy?

- I already posted something,

by the way. - This is just for me.

- This has to be in the picture.

- Yes, get that.

Flip the wiener though, because-

- 'Cause it's small? - Flip the wiener.

- Okay, ah.

I love you.

(gentle music) (airplane whirring)

(jaunty music) (cell phone buzzes)

(book thuds)

- [Oscar] Hello, birthday boy!

Are you ready for you birthday spanking?

- Mm, don't make promises you can't keep.

- Well, Mary Kate's here, too.

- Oh my God, babe.

I'm sorry, I thought,

I thought you were alone. (Oscar laughs)

- She doesn't mind.

- Hi, Mary Kate.

- [Mary Kate] Hi, Thomas!

Don't mind me.

Get those birthday spankings! (both laugh)

- Okay, so?

- The house is beautiful.

- And?

- And I thought you were coming to LA after.

- I am, but I have big news.

- Okay.

- The network ordered 10 more episodes,

and the show's been picked up for two more seasons.

Two!

- Oh my God.

Two more years?

- I know!

And to think that a few months ago,

I was doing bootcamp classes.

It's crazy how everything can just change

from one day to the next.

- Yeah, wow.

- You better start booking some weddings in Michigan.

- Yes, Michigan weddings.

- Oh, I gotta go.

Happy birthday, Thomas Reid.

We have big things ahead of us.

I love you.

- Big things, baby.

Big things.

(phone thuds)

(curtain falls, thuds)

(Thomas grunts)

- [Both] Hello, Thomas.

Come to the party with us, won't you?

- Honestly, that is terrifying.

But I'm not going.

- Oh come on, please. - Ugh.

- You're gonna make me get on my knees and beg?

- Oh, oh yeah, yeah. - Oh yeah?

Oh, oh yeah, oh yeah.

- Okay, please don't have sex in front of me again.

Not tonight.

Ew.

- Ugh!

Look at yourself.

Half finished bottle of chardonnay.

Empty bag of candy corn.

Cough medicine.

This is a cry for help.

- I literally have so much work to do tonight, okay?

I'm not going, no.

I'm putting my foot down.

- Is that you putting your foot down?

- Yes.

- Has that ever worked on me?

Come to the party. - Stop.

- Come on!

Is this really what you thought about

when you were a little boy?

Moving to the big city

so that you can work on the gayest holiday?

Make it make sense!

- Yeah, make it make sense!

- Come to the party.

- It makes sense. - You've never missed

Jamie's Halloween party.

- I know, I literally have nothing to wear, so.

(both scoffing)

- That's so funny, please.

- Come to the party. - Come to the party.

Come to the party. - Ugh! Okay stop, stop!

- Come to the party. - Get off me.

(both laughing)

(upbeat music)

(people chattering) (party music)

- So cute! - Thanks.

Yeah, I'm married, though.

- I meant the dog.

- I know what you meant.

- Who is this little guy?

- This is Judy.

- Oh yeah Judy-doody.

Alright, let me guess.

You are... Elvis.

- With these legs?

Ew, no, I'm not Elvis.

- Oh?

Okay come on.

- Um.

- Really?

Oh, you're Elton John!

Oh!

- Thank you. - Cheers to Elton.

- I know, yes.

- People think to be a legitimate act,

you have to be one on reality TV.

- Straight up.

- Commodifying drag culture doesn't elevate it,

it threatens its existence.

- Yes! - You know?

People want the fame.

They just don't understand it.

The fame isn't real.

The art is real!

- The art is real, yes! - Look at me!

Oh, look at her, hey girl! - Real.

Keep it alive, girl!

(muffled party music)

Oh my God, did you just take a picture of me?

- No, definitely it's,

I think it did.

I am so sorry. - Well unfortunately for you,

I'm a photographer,

and I'm also a little bit mean,

so I'm gonna need to see that picture.

- Okay, well it's probably gonna be atrocious.

- Oh my God, okay, come here.

Let the professional do it.

- Okay.

- Okay. (camera shutter clicks)

Now you have a picture of me and you.

I'm Thomas, by the way.

- It's very nice to meet you. I'm Jake.

- Nice to meet you, too.

Okay now that we've met officially,

I'm gonna be a little more confrontational,

and ask you why you took a covert photo of me?

- I was sending a picture to my husband

to see if you were Oscar Reyes' husband.

- Okay.

How do you know Oscar?

- I don't?

I just follow him.

I was sorry to see- - Yeah, me too.

- It's funny.

I had forgotten about Oscar

until he started getting coverage

for his gay dad posts.

- What is it about gay dads

that people find so interesting?

- I don't know.

When my daughter came along,

my husband and I started a vlog.

And now, we get millions of views on each video.

It's crazy. - Is everyone in LA

an influencer?

- No.

Well, I was an ophthalmologist.

- Okay, transition.

Did you guys adopt?

- No. Surrogacy.

- Mm, what was that like?

- It was interesting.

They have agencies that take care

of almost everything.

- Right.

- But it's still time consuming,

and it's all a bit strange

if you think about it too deeply.

But you know, it's what we have to do.

I'm surprised you guys haven't looked into it.

- We did.

Oscar was dead set on fostering.

- That must have been really rewarding.

- Yeah. It was.

- And difficult.

- It was.

- Ever thought about doing it again?

- No, no no.

Honestly, I didn't even really want to do it

in the first place.

I mean, it was so good while it lasted, right?

That's a thing.

It didn't last.

- If you change your mind,

I cannot recommend our agency enough.

I can give you the number.

♪ We're running with the shadows of the night ♪

♪ So baby take my hand, you'll be alright ♪

♪ Surrender all your dreams to me tonight ♪

♪ They'll come true in the end ♪

(crowd cheers)

- [Thomas] I used to dream about this life.

Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer.

If I call myself gay or queer,

then what else can you say about me?

Or her?

Him, or them?

I sleep with men.

Is that enough?

What is enough? Does it matter?

Sometimes I think about how strange this life is.

The heartbreak, the pain, the joy,

the fight to just be included.

It happened.

I left Missouri, I got married,

I had a child.

The things I thought I gave up

became part of my story.

My gay story.

It wasn't what I expected, but it's mine.

Maybe that's enough.

♪ They'll come true in the end ♪

(distant cars honking)

- Tell me, what brings you in today?

- Honestly, my husband didn't really know I'm here,

so I'm just exploring opportunities.

- I see.

You're friends with Jake and Graham?

- I met Jake at a party.

- Huge success story.

They're featured on our website right now.

Little Poppy is very popular on social media.

- What?

This is all very new to me.

- Well, it's a relatively new industry.

Now that we've got gay marriage,

gay couples are feeling really empowered

to become fathers.

- Okay, so how does this all work?

- Well, we take care of everything.

Everything except for the sperm.

That part's on you.

Though we can deal with anything,

if there's any sort of an issue.

- No, I got plenty of that.

- Oh, okay.

- I mean, like a normal amount.

- It's fine. - It's totally normal.

- It's fine.

- How much does this cost?

- Depends on the package you pick,

but base pricing starts at about $150,000.

- Uh? - I know,

but honestly, becoming a father,

that's priceless.

- Is it?

- Well, let's find out if you're fertile.

(speaking in foreign language)

(knocking on door)

- Hello?

Uh, let me clean up a little first.

You will put your specimen in this cup.

Try your best to get it all in here,

and if you miss, please tell me.

I don't like surprises.

Use this to browse any videos.

If you'd like some assistance with the process,

we have three folders, domestic, Asian, and gay.

And yes, the gay category does include Asian content.

- Uh, thank you.

- Okay, have fun.

Oh, almost forgot.

(paper rustles)

- What is that?

- It's a puppy pad.

- A puppy pad.

- You sit on it.

- For me.

- Trust me, you want the puppy pad.

Enjoy! (door opens and shuts)

(pants unzip)

- What even is domestic porn?

Just white people.

(sensual music)

(footsteps outside door)

- [Nurse] Oh hey Karen.

- [Karen] Hey. - Oh, Karen.

- [Karen] Oh hey, did the bleeding stop?

- [Nurse] Finally, yeah.

That medicine seems to be helping,

but you wouldn't believe the discharge.

- Oh my God. - Pregnancy, right?

What a gift.

Alright, I'll be down there. - Okay.

I'm-

(Thomas sighs)

Ok. (men sighing, panting)

- [Porn Actor] Keep going. (door slams)

Oh, you're gonna make me cum.

- [Porn Actor 2] Already?

Are you cumming?

(poop explodes into toilet) (porn actors moaning)

(toilet flushes)

(Thomas sighs)

(Thomas pants)

(knocking on door)

- [Attending Nurse] Mr. Reid, you doing okay in there?

- Just my luck. (feet stamp)

(sheet rustles)

Okay Paul, this is very serious, yes.

Mime, next.

Lasso.

Equestrian. (camera shutter clicking)

Bareback.

- Bareback? - What?

- I could use your help here!

Horseback riding.

- Yes! - Yes.

- Ugh.

- Oh. - Come on come on come on.

Sweeping, chimney.

- You can't do sounds!

- Shh!

Ice cream!

Ice scraper?

Ah, next, pass!

I got you.

Ballet. No?

Prima donna.

Black Swan.

- Black Swan's a great movie.

- Natalie Portman as Black Swan!

- Time's almost up.

- Ah! Shoes.

If the shoe fits.

- Hey, guys.

Don't Paul's legs look amazing right now?

- Time. - His calves are unreal.

- That's time, I'm done. - High heels.

It was high heels.

- Okay, final score. - High heels?

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Hot girls, eight.

Smelly boys, oh, six.

- Stop! - Ugh.

That was so fun.

You were really great. - I was, huh?

- You were, you were great.

- Okay, who wants pie?

- Thanks. - Oh, I want pie.

- I'll take some water too, geeze.

- So Paul seems nice.

- Yeah, too bad he sucks at charades.

- So, who's gonna break the news to him?

That we're all out of town for Thanksgiving.

- Oh I told Sonia she had to do it.

People find it very hard to be angry with her.

- It's true, very hard.

Yeah, that's what he said.

- Now, has Jamie,

you mentioned he was on his third date.

Has he ever dated anybody this long?

- I mean, there was that one time

he was catfished by someone

who was pretending to be Lance Bass.

- That's terrible.

- Please, don't feel bad for him.

Apparently he slept with Lance a couple weeks later.

- Oh!

- So is your family coming to LA for Thanksgiving?

- Uh, no.

But it's gonna be fine.

- What does that mean?

- Oh, okay.

- Pie pie pie pie pie!

Thank you. - For you.

- Oh, it's small.

- So, Texas?

Going to Texas for Thanksgiving.

- What?

- [Thomas] When were you gonna tell me?

- Right now.

- You're not telling me.

Sonia's telling me.

- I know, aren't you mad at her?

- No, that's literally impossible.

- I know. (Thomas stamps foot)

- Why didn't you tell me sooner?

- Ugh, we didn't know how to!

- Okay.

- 'Cause of this. - Awesome.

Alright, Jamie, it's gonna be you and me.

Thanksgiving dinner at my place.

(Jamie coughs)

- Actually, Paul has a chalet in Aspen.

- What? You hate the cold.

- I like chalets.

- Come on, we always spend Thanksgiving together.

This is like what we do.

This feels like a big gay family divorce, or something.

- It's just this year.

- I would ask you to come with,

but I'm pretty sure Paul is gonna pop the question.

- Not marriage.

- No, threesome.

- [Thomas] Ugh!

- Hey, why don't you go to Michigan?

- [Thomas] No.

- It might be good to get away for a while.

- No Michigan, okay?

Oscar's apparently coming here.

He has, like, press to do.

- That's fun.

- [Jamie] That's exciting.

- I think it's fun. - Shh.

- I don't get why I got the smallest piece.

- I'm going to throw this pie

in all of your faces right now.

- No! - Not the rug!

(Oscar mutters under breath)

- Did you get a turkey?

- You know the butcher, he's a fan.

- That's great. Did he give you a turkey?

- And his parents took him to a taping

when he was 10 years old.

- What are you doing, are you avoiding my question?

- You bet.

- How many grocery stores are we gonna go to?

That's three, and not a single turkey.

- What do you expect?

It's the day before Thanksgiving.

- Oh okay, so now we're being passive aggressive.

Why don't you just say that I ruined everything,

and Thanksgiving is dead?

- If I was being passive aggressive,

I would've said something like,

"Gee, it would've been nice

if we had shopped a few days earlier, but-"

- How is that any different?

That's like exactly what you just said.

- I don't even like turkey.

- You literally told Audie Cornish at NPR

that you were most excited about the turkey.

- You listened to that?

- I listen to everything that you do.

- What else could I say?

Thanksgiving food sucks.

- Oh, okay.

- No. - Now she hates my cooking.

- That's not what I meant.

You know, I mean, I would rather have a steak.

- [Thomas] I'm done.

- Come on.

- Find everything okay?

- Not a turkey.

- This line is 15 items or less.

It's the express lane.

- Excuse me?

- You have too many items.

They have too many items.

Over 30, I counted.

- Um okay, I'm sorry.

We didn't see the sign.

It's fine.

Is it okay if we just keep, thank you.

- Of course it's not okay.

There's a sign.

- Okay, would you like to go in front of us?

- Get in another line.

- We're not getting in another line, okay?

We're already checking out, but thank you.

- I'm sorry, the last thing I want

is to end up on the local news.

- Okay, so you know what?

It's okay, we can go to another line.

- We can't- - It's fine.

- It's gonna take us an hour.

- It's not worth fighting over tonight.

I'm not doing this. - Okay just start

checking us out, okay? (machine beeping)

We're scanning items.

This is gonna be over with. - Sir, this is not okay.

- Thomas, what are you doing?

What are you doing? This is not okay, really.

I mean, sorry.

We're gonna take it somewhere else.

- Okay.

- Waste of my time, bitch.

(Oscar gasps)

- You're welcome!

I hope everyone enjoyed the show.

Excuse me.

Yes, please. - Can you stop that?

Thank you.

- Happy Thanksgiving.

- Ugh!

(gentle music)

(gentle music continues)

(faucet running)

- Just leave that for Carla in the morning.

- I gave Carla the day off tomorrow.

- Why?

- Well, 'cause it's the day after Thanksgiving.

- I hope we're not still paying her.

- Babe, it's a holiday.

- No, today is the holiday.

Tomorrow is Friday.

- Do you really think we need Carla to come

three times a week?

I mean, I'm home most of the time.

I can manage myself.

- Yeah, but surely there's something

more interesting you could be doing with that time.

- You know what? I think there is.

Okay.

I went to this place last week,

and I'm looking at options for us.

- Surrogacy?

- Babe, I think we owe it to ourselves

to make a meaningful decision about this.

Come on!

I just want to make sure we mean it

when we say we don't want to be dads anymore.

- Well, I don't need to do that.

- That doesn't mean that I don't.

- Where is this coming from, Thomas?

It was only like weeks ago

you said you never wanted kids again.

- I know, okay? I know.

It feels like everyone in my life

is either talking about kids, or having kids,

or going to the ends of the earth

to try to make a family.

And I just-

There's all these signs from the universe right now,

and it's just- - Signs from the universe,

really?

Come on, are you listening to yourself?

- Yes. - Thomas.

- I'm listening to myself, okay?

And there's this little voice inside my head

that keeps telling me that we're making a mistake.

You don't feel that at all?

- No.

- How?

- What do you mean how?

We have so much to look forward to.

- What, going to Michigan?

Leaving all my friends behind.

Just sitting at home, alone,

while you work all day? - Wow.

Your life must be so hard.

- Okay, I'm not trying to like,

make you feel sorry for me.

- But it's not all about you, Thomas.

Do you know how long I've been waiting

for a break in my career like this one?

- That's not how a marriage works.

- 20 years, 20!

It's my turn now, Thomas!

- Just walk and chew gum at the same time!

I'm not saying that you can't work

if we have a kid in our lives.

- You don't understand.

You really don't get it.

- I'm just trying to be honest with you.

- You want to be honest?

- [Thomas] Yeah.

- Okay.

Anyone with half a brain knows what this is.

- What is this?

- You are preoccupied

with the anniversary of your dad's death.

- Wow.

Okay.

Alright, it's just that simple, huh?

- Well come on, don't be like that.

Don't be so self-righteous, Thomas.

- Thank God you have this all figured out.

- 30 years after the anniversary

of your dad's unexpected death,

and you are trying to cope with the feeling

that you may never get to be a better dad than he was.

- Wow. - The story

just writes itself.

- So what?

So what, fine.

Even if all of that is true,

does that somehow diminish how I'm feeling right now?

Is my doubt less valid than your certainty is?

- What do you want from me?

- Babe.

I'm trying to bring you into this conversation.

- But I don't want to be brought in.

I don't want to be a father, I don't!

I don't want this for me.

I am too old for this.

I don't want to be an old dad.

And I'm gonna be working all the time.

I don't want to be an absent dad.

If you feel compelled to look at this, then do it.

But know that you're not doing this for us,

you're doing this for you.

- And what does that mean for us?

What are you saying?

- Figure it out.

(gentle music)

- Wow.

(paper rustles)

I was thinking today about my life.

The only life I'll ever have.

My dad died on a Tuesday in November.

The sky was a sad Fall blue.

Two days later, my mom met with their lawyer.

That's when she discovered that my dad had another house.

Another woman.

Her name was Caroline.

My mom didn't leave her bedroom for two days.

My grandpa said her heart had been obliterated.

I had to look that word up in our dictionary.

This was obliterated.

This was obliterated.

A week later at the funeral,

my mom and I greeted every single person who came.

When I met Caroline,

she hugged me for a long time,

and looked me in the eyes.

She told me I had his smile.

And she cried.

When she met my mom,

they grasped hands.

There were no words.

It was forgiveness.

My mom gave a eulogy at the funeral.

She quoted a scene from "Angels in America,"

which she had featured recently

at an exhibit at her library.

She said, "In your experience of the world,

how do people change?

Well, it has something to do with God,

so it's not very nice.

God splits the skin with a jagged thumbnail

from throat to belly,

and then plunges a huge filthy hand in.

He grabs hold of your bloody tubes,

and they slip to evade his grasp.

But he squeezes, hard.

He insists, he pulls and pulls

'til all your innards are yanked out,

and the pain,

we can't even talk about that.

And then he stuffs them back.

Dirty, tangled and torn.

It's up to you to do the stitching.

(distant church bells)

- Look at the trees, look at that one.

That looks like a nice tree.

You want one like that?

(distant Christmas music)

Thomas. - Hey Ted.

- Hey, nice surprise.

You out buying a tree, too?

- I am, yeah.

I just picked one out.

- Oh where is it?

- I'm actually getting it delivered later tonight.

- Christmas tree delivery.

So it's a bougie Christmas.

- It is.

- I remember when I was a kid,

we would drive out to the Christmas tree farm,

and cut one down ourselves.

- The best. - Drive home,

me and my brothers hanging out the window,

trying to keep it on the roof of the car.

- Yeah.

- I think that's why I have to get a real tree every year.

It reminds me of them.

- Oh my God, me too.

My husband Oscar thinks it's absolutely ridiculous.

- I have an ex who would say it was grotesque

to kill a tree.

I'm pretty sure he was in that sex cult, though.

So what does he know?

- A sex cult. - It was a whole thing.

And so we're, hey, buddy!

You want to say hi?

- Hey, Huck. - Hi.

- Good to see you, bud.

- Did you find a tree?

- Yeah yeah, this one!

- Oh okay, excuse us one second.

- Oh yeah. - This one here?

- No, that one. - This one.

- That one. - This big one here?

- Yeah. - Okay.

So Huck picked possibly the biggest tree on the lot.

We're just up the street.

Do you mind helping us carry it over there?

- Yeah, totally. - Thank you so much.

You're a lifesaver.

Alright buddy, let's get this tree.

Did you look at it good? Did you see the top?

- You have no idea?

- [Huck] I don't.

- Come on, you gotta pick one thing.

- Alright buddy, you ready?

- [Huck] Ready.

- Here we go!

- Yay! - Yay!

Alright give me the star, give me the star.

- Wow. - Thank you.

- You and Huck make a very good team.

- Hear that Huck? We make a pretty stellar team.

- Do you mind if I-

- Oh no, we should be so lucky.

Sit up, look at the star, look at the star.

Alright we got the star, now what?

- Asteroids and planets and rocket ships!

- Rocket ships.

Grr, I don't think so! (Huck squeals)

(both laughing) (melancholy music)

(muffled laughter)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music fades)

(energetic music)

- Bounce!

Bounce!

- Jumping up and down.

That's it? - Bounce higher!

Jump towards your destiny! - Yeah, just hold the form.

- What are you doing with your arms, you weirdo.

- You need to catch up.

Right. - Two, three.

Left arm.

Left.

(upbeat music)

(Thomas grunts) (teacher chattering)

Alright. - Okay.

- [Teacher] Exhale, exhale.

- Should we go get a green juice now?

- Yes.

- All right.

- There's a place called Godly, Texas.

- Godly. - Yeah.

Don't bother remembering it.

I don't know if it had more churches or bars.

So you figure that one out.

- Wow, sounds eventful.

- It wasn't.

We played a lot of Scrabble.

Sonia's mom secretly fed me cheesecake.

- Okay, you need to tell her

that you want to eat dairy again.

This is ridiculous.

- She reads one article on how dairy

can affect fertility,

and it's like ruined my life forever.

(Thomas sighs)

- Do you think I'm stuck?

- What do you mean?

- It feels like I don't know where to go from here.

It's like all my options feel wrong.

- Okay.

I see.

Remember when I found out you were gay?

- I do.

- Got so drunk in my dorm room.

- Yeah, we were listening

to that Regina Spektor album non-stop.

- And that bitch Amanda kept barging in on us.

- It was her dorm, too.

- And it was the last song came on.

What was it? - Summer in the City.

- Yes, fuck that's a way to end an album.

- The best.

- Anyways, we were both lying in my bed, bawling.

But when the song was over,

I wiped away my tears, but you kept crying.

- [Thomas] Duh.

- And I knew.

I mean, I've always known. - Alright.

- I knew since I met you,

freshman year. - Alright, alright.

- I didn't understand why you wouldn't tell me

why you kept choosing to stay alone with that.

You were stuck!

- I was stuck!

- So I gave you a little push.

- No, I believe your exact wordage was,

"You like dick, don't you?"

- Yeah, I didn't get where I am by being subtle.

- No, you did not.

So you never told me how

the doctor's appointment went in Denver.

- You never asked.

- Yeah, well I was waiting for you to say something.

- Okay, fair enough.

I'm not hopeless, yay!

- Hey, that's amazing.

It's great.

- Yeah, just a massive expense,

and we're already starting the storefront

for Sonia's bakery.

I just want that experience.

I want to carry a child.

It's ridiculous, I know.

I just- - It's not ridiculous.

- Of course you don't think so.

You're three shades crazier than me.

- At least we always had each other.

What? What now?

- So I'm just, I'm gonna have to say it?

- Say what?

- Thomas.

You want a baby!

(uplifting music)

You want to go to the park,

carry a baby around like a little kangaroo,

and you want to teach it to be as kind,

as generous, and as curious as you.

You want to wake up in the morning

and squeeze its fat little baby cheeks.

Thomas, you want to look back on your life

and know that you fought when things got hard.

(Thomas sighs)

If you want to stay stuck,

that's your own damn fault, so.

Oh, you're gonna carry me home like a baby?

- We're gonna put a baby in there.

I mean, I'm not going to. - No, no ew! Ew, ew!

- In the worst case scenario, I could.

- Yeah, with a turkey baster.

(both laugh)

- [Thomas] I'm so glad to see you're on the mend.

- Yeah, yeah.

That physical therapy has really helped.

And these babies are life changing.

- Yes, they look very comfortable.

- They are.

So, what did you want to talk about?

- Is Arthur good?

How is he doing?

- Really well.

Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear.

- No, no, it's exactly what I want to hear.

For real.

I'm ready to move on.

- Have you thought any more

about taking on another child?

- Girl, I have thought about everything.

I had this idea of what my life

was gonna look like, right?

And then it changed.

It's all very disorientating.

(Thomas sighs)

I'm supposed to move to Michigan in January.

- That sounds lovely. - Yeah.

Yeah, it should be, shouldn't it? Hm.

Can I ask you a personal question?

- Well, I think we've moved past this formality, so yes.

- How did you get into this?

This line of work.

And why?

- Um, I was married very young,

and then when we tried to start our own family,

I had several miscarriages.

- I'm sorry. - And you know,

most women do not talk about that openly,

but disappointment really took its toll on me.

And my relationship, and you know.

So you can probably guess where that ends.

But anyway, when I realized that I wasn't gonna have

the family that I had envisioned,

I set out to make do.

And this is me making do.

I get to help other people create families.

Yeah, we learn to do the best with what we have.

- Thank you again for meeting me.

- Of course.

- I hope you know that I really am happy

that Arthur is with his mom.

Like, for real.

- I know.

And I hope that you find what you're looking for, Thomas.

- Me too.

(both chuckle)

You know, when I made this appointment today,

I was a little worried

that I may not be brave enough

to go at this alone.

- It has nothing to do with bravery.

- Right.

- Can I put your name back on that list?

(uplifting music) (both chuckle)

(uplifting music continues)

♪ I don't feel right today ♪

♪ Something in my head's got me gone ♪

♪ I don't want to get high anyway ♪

♪ Been living in the clouds far too long ♪

♪ When life as we know is on hold ♪

♪ And all that we have is time ♪

♪ Low low low low low ♪

♪ Is feeling mighty fine ♪

(uplifting music continues)

- No, no!

Babe.

Tell me this is a bad joke.

What happened to the lakefront rental?

- Babe, the other place had no charm.

- And?

- And it had bed bugs.

- I swear to God. - I know.

- Will you please shut up.

(both sighing)

It's been a minute.

That's hard.

Wait a second.

No, no, get out, get out.

- Okay okay. - Okay fine.

(Thomas gasps)

- That's what happens when you go to Michigan.

(both laugh)

Okay.

(both moaning)

(Thomas gasps)

- Oh my God, my leg's cramping.

Get up, get up, get up.

(Thomas gasping)

Charlie horse, cramp.

- I think we should stop.

There's something going on.

- I'm sorry.

(Thomas sighs)

(faucet running)

(floor creaks)

Five years into being married,

and you have no idea your husband reads tabloids.

- You want the latest issue?

- [Thomas] What? No.

Do you have a subscription, or something?

- No, my publicist sends them to me.

- Oh, your publicist. - Yeah.

- We have a publicist now.

- Yes, you know about her.

You know, Valerie.

My agent connected us once I got the gig.

Here on Lake Lies, you know that.

- Hmm, I don't know her.

(magazine thuds)

(glasses clink)

(both kiss)

(Thomas sighs)

I have something to tell you.

- Yeah?

- I put my name back on a list

for fostering.

- What have you done?

- Hey.

Come on.

This is the best thing for me.

- For you.

- I have this whole speech

about how we can make this work together.

- I don't think I can be more clear with you.

- Look, I know what you said, alright?

It's just we were happy before,

and we can be happy again,

if we- - Stop!

I don't want another kid,

because I like the way my life is now.

I don't need a kid to fill a void,

because my life feels whole, with you.

I don't-

I don't know what else to tell you, Thomas.

Am I not enough for you, is that it?

- You know what, I don't know.

- You're making such a mess of things, you know that?

Why can't we build a life around what we have?

- I wish we could.

I do, it would certainly make everything a lot easier.

- Why don't you?

- Because I can't. (melancholy music)

I mean, when we got married,

I had this whole idea

of what our life was gonna look like, right?

It was gonna be you and me, forever.

I never planned on becoming a dad.

I didn't even know it was possible.

Suddenly, I could be gay,

be married, and be a father?

It used to be being gay only meant one thing.

And now, it can be anything.

But I can't go back.

I wish I could. I thought I could.

But I can't.

And I'd always regret it.

I'm pretty sure you would, too.

And I'm sorry.

But I'd never be happy.

I mean, not really.

(glass clinks)

- I don't know what else to tell you.

What is it you want?

- I don't know.

It just feels like sand is slipping between my fingers,

and honestly, I wish there wasn't an urgency to all of this,

but it feels like it's now or never.

- Is having a kid

the thing that matters the most to you?

- I just want to feel like I have options.

Like I have some sort of say in any of this.

- Options.

Are you kidding?

You have plenty of options.

I mean, you're so privileged,

you don't even realize that you can stand there

and agonize over all of this.

- Let's not forget that it was you

who decided that kids were off the table.

- That's not true.

- It is. - That is not true!

You and I decided this.

You were devastated!

When Arthur went back to his mom.

- I was!

I was devastated.

What about you?

- I didn't want to go through something like that again

and lose you.

- Yeah, well, I-

I feel like I already lost you.

I do. And I'm sorry.

Maybe we just want different things.

- How can you say that to me?

- I feel like I need to have a choice.

(car passes)

(light breeze)

(humming "Moon River")

You know, I've loved that song my whole life.

I have no idea what it's about.

- I think it's a song about yearning,

or longing for something,

and never quite knowing what that is.

Either way, it's a song about love.

- And loss.

I need to do this.

For me.

- I know.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music continues)

(dramatic music continues)

(dramatic music continues)

- [Thomas] I've been in love

exactly three times in my life.

When people say this type of thing,

it's implied that love is finite.

First, I loved him.

Then I loved him.

Now I love him.

But love isn't finite.

It stretches on forever

like a blanket of stars at nighttime.

My first love was Sam.

A journalist I met in college

who took me to the mountains and made love to me,

for the first time.

The morning after,

as he lay sleeping next to me,

I said his name over and over like a prayer.

Sam, Sam, Sam.

The most ordinary name you've ever heard.

Years later, when he died

after a short battle with cancer,

I wouldn't find out until months after it happened,

but my love still exists. (both howling)

Like a dream from the night before.

And then, there's Oscar.

My huckleberry friend.

My husband.

I will never take that word for granted.

And Arthur.

The son who was never really mine.

Sometimes when everything falls apart,

and I think to myself that this can't be all there is,

I remember a poem I once read,

telling me what else should I have done.

Doesn't everything die at last and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

I don't know what's gonna happen.

All I do know is that this is never really all there is.

That possibility of something more is wild.

And it's precious.

It's life. (music settles)

(distant rock music)

(people chattering)

- Hate to break it to you.

They're all fake.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

- What is wrong with people?

Why?

- Alcohol is real, though.

- Cheers.

- Cheers. (glasses clink)

How are you doing?

- Ugh, why did I let you drag me here?

- I think we told you there would be a lot of food.

- Okay but, really?

I forget that your idea of food is questionable.

Like, what is this?

- Shut your pretty little mouth.

- Stop.

- I thought you loved New Years Eve.

- I do in the movies.

It's like, all tearful reconciliations,

and Auld Lang Sin.

Syne, it's Syne, isn't it?

- It's Syne, girl, it's Syne.

- [Group] Fight club.

Lesbian fight club.

Lesbian fight club!

Lesbian fight club! - This feels different.

- [Group] Lesbian fight club! - This just feels different.

- Just shut it down! (people chattering)

- Hey honey, how are you holding up?

- I'm okay, I'm fine.

- It's the food, isn't it?

- No, baby, no, it's good.

- Okay, okay.

Remind me, I've got something for you later.

It's from the shop.

It's brownies, it's all butter.

Jules, keep your shirt on!

- I'm gonna go.

- Wait, no no no. - It's fine.

- It's not even midnight yet.

I have no service.

- By the time that I call a car and it gets here,

it will be.

So like, I'll kinda be here.

- Wait, you're gonna be alone on New Years?

That's a big bummer.

- Girl, just enjoy your night, okay?

(both smooch)

Love you. - I love you too.

Get home safe.

(dog barks in distance)

(distant car passes)

- Gross.

(feet patter)

(melancholy music)

No.

No no no.

(feet patter)

(melancholy music continues)

(Thomas grunts) (phone thuds)

(melancholy music continues)

(suspenseful music)

(door opens) (people chattering)

Hey, hey.

- Oh my God! (people cheering)

- Hey, I just- - Hey.

- I had a missed call from Laura,

and a voicemail, Laura my social worker.

- [Group] 11, 10, 9. - There's a baby.

There's a baby, she's just a few months old,

and she's mine. - Five, four, three.

- Like, mine if I want her.

Like totally mine. - Two, one.

- No one else's. (crowd cheers)

I'm gonna be a dad. (all laughing)

♪ And never brought to mind ♪

♪ Shall old acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ And auld lang syne ♪

♪ And auld lang syne ♪

(both giggle)

- So this is her, huh?

- It is.

- Does she have a name?

- She was left at the fire station.

No note, no name.

We've been calling her Eve,

since she was found on New Years Eve.

I know that is very corny, but.

- No, it's perfect.

- Well when I got word,

I knew exactly who she should be with.

- And what about her family?

- Well, with safe haven babies,

the parents renounce all their rights.

So you can get immediately to the adoption process,

and she will be legally yours in a few months.

- The fact that Oscar and I are separated is...

- Won't be an issue.

- No?

- You're gonna be great.

(baby coos) (both giggle)

- Okay, poll time.

Paul thinks I should sell my nudes online.

Yea or nay?

- Jamie. - What?

- You're holding the baby.

- So? - That's okay.

She doesn't understand what he's saying.

I barely do. - Oh.

Well in that case, I'm all for it, Jamie.

- Wow, of course you are.

- What does that mean?

- It just means that I'm pro sex work

and all that stuff,

and this one is stuck in the dark ages of feminism.

- It's exploitation!

- No, okay yes.

Yes, in traditional porn and sex work,

it was exploited.

But how are these new platforms the same thing?

- Oh my God, it is the commodification of women's bodies!

- Just a reminder. - They have agency, babe.

- I'm not a woman. - Not yet, girl.

- How can we be expected to make progress

when women are expected to pedal their bodies for money?

- I will tell you how we can make progress.

- Tell me. - Like I always tell you.

- Oh my- - Okay, you know what?

I changed my mind.

Let's actually just not with the porn talk,

'cause baby.

- Okay, I'm sorry Thomas.

But this is the future of feminism.

This is how it is.

- So what's the consensus?

Yes, no, maybe so?

Okay, we'll circle back another day.

By the way, have anyone here

seen Britney's latest video?

- [Sonia] She's not sending you secret messages.

- She is! - She's not.

- What's going on with you?

- Nothing, mother.

I'm in a great mood.

Nothing's changed, and I'm glad about it.

- Jamie's holding a baby.

Everything's changed.

- I mean, give it a week, though.

- Have you called Oscar yet?

- Okay, we're done here. - Oh, okay.

(baby cries)

- [Sonia] Oh you're taking the baby

so nobody slaps you.

- No, no, hey.

- Thomas!

- No, yes.

Shh, the baby is sleeping.

- No, the baby is not sleeping, dingbat.

You have to tell Oscar you have a baby!

- Okay.

- You need to tell him now!

- He will find out, I promise.

- The longer you wait, the worse this is gonna get.

- Stop.

I'll tell him.

- Better.

Give me the baby, I need to practice.

- Coming, she's coming. - Come here.

(Thomas gasps)

(both laughing)

- Woo! Woo!

(both making baby noises)

- You're always taking picture without you in 'em.

- I'm in them.

(melancholy music)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

♪ Here ♪

♪ I forgive you ♪

- [Thomas] Oscar.

You've been on my mind all day.

Your show came on earlier.

I heard your voice,

reaching out across the years.

And your face.

So strange, even after all this,

to remember that you used to be something else, to me,

before you were mine.

Life can be so unexpected.

I sometimes think that the last thought

to ever cross a person's mind must be,

"Who would've known?"

I never expected to marry you, Oscar.

But it happened.

And it changed my life.

It changed my life for the better.

Because it led me here,

to this moment,

where I tell you that I got a baby.

A daughter.

Daughter. (chuckles)

It feels so bittersweet to say that word.

I know you'll have questions,

and someday I will be ready to answer them,

but for now, just know that her name is Eve.

Evey.

Know that someday I will tell her

all about this time.

And the whole world fell apart,

and somehow made something so beautiful,

and unexpected. (baby laughs)

(uplifting music)

I'll tell her what it meant

to call you my husband, and have it be true.

What it meant to call myself her dad,

and have it be true.

I'll try to explain to her the power in these words.

So simple and ordinary, but fought for, fiercely.

I'll try to explain all of these things.

There's already a word so perfect and simple

that encompasses all of this.

Family.

(uplifting music continues)

(cars passing in distance)

(car horn honks)

(bells jingle)

Hey. (muffled rock music)

Hey.

Hi.

Yes.

Can you see?

Can you see?

♪ Cry, cry, cry ♪

♪ Don't cry, oh yeah ♪

♪ I try ♪

- Good.

Hi. (baby coos)

(coins clink) (music cuts)

(button clicks)

("Moon River" plays on jukebox)

♪ Moon River ♪

♪ Wider than a mile ♪

♪ I'm crossing you in style someday ♪

♪ We're after the same rainbow's end ♪

♪ Waiting 'round the bend ♪

♪ My huckleberry friend ♪

♪ Moon River ♪

♪ And me ♪

- I've been waiting for you.

♪ Moon River ♪

♪ Moon River ♪

♪ Ooh ♪ (music ends)

(upbeat music)

(emotional guitar music)