Original subtitles

Here's what you missed in the last episode.

I don't think you should be throwing a birthday party

for a six-year-old in a drug dealer's house.

Welcome to my humble abode.

She got the humble part right.

Everybody in school is talking about their daddies.

You think I could see mine on my birthday?

I told you, he's gone away for a long, long time

and he's never coming back.

I need you to help me video call her

so I can wish her happy birthday.

Tony, can I talk to you for a sec?

There's something I want to show you.

CONOR SCREAMS There's a big rat.

Will I call Billy? Call Billy.

Big Billy has re-emerged and is back reoffending.

SCREAMS

Billy?

You're like one of them Russian dolls.

Jock, can you see this now?

Oh, you're a genius.

It's like being in a James Bond movie.

Sh!

Don't tell Siobhan, all right?

Mairead? I wouldn't eat that meat that I left under your pillow.

HE GASPS

Star...

..where did you get that mask from?

Come on, Star, you can tell me.

DRAMATIC STRINGS BUILD

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

How should I know? I'm only six.

Out there somewhere.

Hey, get back here!

I haven't finished questioning you yet.

Leave that bike alone!

She's only a child.

Jesus, she's only a child.

RAT SQUEAKS

Rat!

Joy's nice. You're a great-grandmother, isn't she?

Grandmother! Stop stalling!

Conor, get out with it! What's going on?

All right. So, basically,

I'm trying to do Jock a favour.

He got his hands on a smartphone for a few hours, and I'm going to

get him to have a video call with Star.

Are you mental? Siobhan will go ballistic.

Don't you think it's the right thing to happen?

Yes, but not without Siobhan being OK with it.

She's so angry at Jock, she'll never be OK with it.

Jock's in a Colombian prison.

He could be stabbed at any moment

with a pointy toothbrush.

That's the end of Jock.

And Star will never get to talk to him again.

And you'll remember this day as the day that you could have got Star

to say hello to her daddy one last time, but instead you took

that away from her.

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh...

Fuck you anyway, Conor... Yes!

You're beautiful.

Sorry. You're great.

What do you want?

To come in.

To the party. Do you have an invite?

It's a kids' party. Exactly.

And you can't just be letting strange men off the street

into a kids' party.

I'm not a stranger. I'm going to be her uncle soon enough.

Billy, will you just stop fucking with him?

Just let him in, will you?

You seen Linda?

Last time I saw her, she was dragging Conor into his bedroom.

What's going on in here?

Uh, nothing. I'm going to smash your face in.

Stop hiding behind Linda.

I'm not hiding behind her.

I'd kill you if she wasn't protecting you.

She's not protecting me.

She's protecting you!

Oh, would the two of you cop on?!

OK.

Oh... Conor, just...

I turned up here a half an hour late, and the two

of you are in his bedroom, all up close and personal.

It's a tiny bedroom.

We can't help but get up close and personal.

It's not that tiny. It is tiny, but...

..it doesn't matter whether it's tiny or not.

We're engaged to get married.

You shouldn't be hanging around in your ex-boyfriend's bedroom.

You're acting like a jealous child.

Boy, you've got it all wrong.

We weren't trying to get a ride or nothing like that.

Not that I'm not available.

If you ever wanted to, I am available.

I was trying to get Linda to help me do a favour for Jock.

He used to be our friend, too, remember?

He was your best friend.

He never shut up about him.

All the good old times. Hmm?

All right. Help with what?

CALL DIALLING TONE

Come on, come on, come on!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, get back here!

Pull over your vehicle and

take it back to the house!

Back chasing him again, are you?!

ALL: Go on, Big Billy!

STAR SHOUTS Star! Come on. Your ma...

Star...

..where's the mask? I gave it to some kids.

What kids? Where are they? What are they wearing?

Star, come on. I'm not going anywhere.

You have to arrest me.

Fine.

You hear a lot of people saying that being married

is like a prison sentence,

but having been in prison for three years,

my guess is prison is a lot easier.

The bin's over there, Barry.

How are you still leaving carcases around the place?

Do you still nibble on a wing

then throw it in the bin with half the meat still on the bone

like some kind of anaemic vulture?

Well, you go through the bin for it anyway?

I don't like food waste.

You're a bottomless pit.

Which is why I always had to put on three extra potatoes for you.

I only ate them so you'd think you made the perfect amount every time.

Really? I didn't get fat cos I like elastic pants, you know?

Oh, Barry, I didn't know that.

Well...

That's very cute.

If I eat another one of these, are you going to go mad now?

Knock yourself out.

CHUCKLES

I just think that, in a few years' time, Star's going to

really appreciate what we're doing for her, like.

I completely agree. You agree? Yeah. All right, nice one.

You know, sometimes I imagine myself

as if I'd got expelled with Jock.

And if I went to Colombia with him,

would I have ended up in prison? Mm.

But then I remember,

I'm not an ass-kisser who does everything that Jock tells him.

I'm not kissing Jock's arse.

We're kissing each other's arses.

It's a mutual arse-kissing, cos we're best friends.

And you might understand that

if you were ever a good friend to him.

I still care for Jock.

What can I do to help?

Tony, I really need to talk to you.

Oh!

Does this hurt?

Oh, you little sh...

She is a character.

THEY LAUGH

She is. She is a character.

Kids are a nightmare.

Let's never have one.

What did you want to talk to me about?

Uh, nothing.

You really needed to talk to me about nothing?

Right, here's the plan.

I need you to keep Siobhan distracted, right?

Linda, I need you to bring Star in here, where I will "coincidentally"

be on a "video call" with Jock.

That way, it won't look like we had it "planned,"

and "Siobhan" will have no reason

to be "annoyed" with us.

Perfect. Just to be clear, I'm doing this for Jock, not you.

Helping Jock is helping me. Same difference. Conor...

Totally not the same thing if I'm helping Jock.

It is, cos I'm doing it for Jock. If you're doing it for Jock,

you're doing it for me. I'm helping Jock to help Jock.

I'm not helping Jock to help Jock to help you.

You have to help me because it's my plan.

Yeah, it's your plan, but I'm doing it to help Jock.

So, technically, it's mine. It's my plan.

Do you want Gavin's help or not?

Just shake hands and stop being fucking losers.

Let go.

Let go. You let go. Let... Let go.

You go first.

You're such a gentleman, Conor.

Yeah. No worries.

OK. There's Star. Go on.

Siobhan...

Hey...

I've a surprise for you. GLASS CLINKS

Now we're all here,

we must get a family photo.

Gavin, Siobhan, Linda. Get in.

I'll go over here.

Should I, like, go around here? Perfect.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Not you! Get out!

No, just the Walshes.

You can get your family photo after on your own phone.

MOCKINGLY: You can get your family photo after...

Mairead, be a good girl and take the picture.

Now get in.

Nice and close.

Closer, Barry and Orla.

Together.

Oh, this is more awkward than the time I came

across Dad on Tinder. Ugh!

I got such a fright, I swiped right, and then he matched with me.

I didn't want you to feel rejected, love.

Barry, put your arm around Orla. We're separated, Mam.

Doesn't mean you have to be separated for the picture. Yeah.

Why don't you kiss each other?

Shut up, Siobhan! Take the photo, Mairead.

Oh, God. Where's Star?

Star? Do you want to come into the photo?

No, I want to play with my toys.

Yes, but we can't take the picture unless you're in it,

because you're the birthday girl.

OK. Do you want me to take this photo or not?

ALL: Yes!

OK. We're done. Good effort, everybody, taking the photo.

Sorry. Yeah.

It's fine.

I know you're up there, you little bollocks.

RAT SQUEAKS

Where are you, you little prick?

HE CHUCKLES

HE SNIFFS

Rat shit.

HE GAGS

I'm going to get you, you son of a bitch!

You are mine now.

SINGSONG: Come out, come out wherever you are.

HE GIGGLES MANIACALLY

Star. Siobhan.

LOUD BANG

GUARD: Luces! Haciendo inspecciones generales!

Redada! Redada! Redada? Redada?

Hey-hey-hey! Hey!

Hey! Redada! Redada! Hey.

M-m-m-m-m!

What does "redada" mean?

What?

What?

You're fucking screwing with me, mate!

Venga!

Hi, Star.

Uh, I've got another present for you.

Do you want to come with me for a second?

Yeah? Yeah.

So I was thinking we're going to be brother and sister soon enough

through marriage, and we barely know anything about each other.

Well, we do know each other.

I know we know each other but I mean "know-know" each other.

What do you mean like?

Let's go back to the beginning.

Where were you born? The Bons.

Fair enough. Fair enough.

MELEE OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Ugh-uh-arh-egh.

It's too big!

You think I can swallow it?

VOLLEY OF ENCOURAGEMENT

ALL LAUGH

Where's my present?

I'm working, aren't I?

Just one second.

Uh, hurry up!

Oh, yeah, let me just hurry up this signal into space

going to Colombia.

RINGING TONE I don't know how much time we have.

DOOR SLAMS

WHISTLE BLOWS AND LOUD BANG

INDISTINCT

GIVES ORDERS IN SPANISH

Silencio! Silencio!

Vamos! Vamos!

You know, when I was 12, I got really into pigeons.

I had one that was worth four euro, and one that was seven euro.

But the four one was my favourite because it had one wing

that was smaller than the other.

So any time it took off, it would just go around in circles.

OK. Can we stop talking, please?

Rats!

Why did it have to be wrecked?

I just want to talk to you.

I just want to talk about our relationship.

Right. Let's get the cake out and do the happy birthday.

We're starving. I'll get her.

Well, do you know my uncle is actually dying?

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

It happens to everyone.

Do you mind if we talk about this,

you know, your dying uncle, after we have the cake? Is that OK? Yeah.

Star!

Oh, shit.

That was close. That was very close!

What?

Mire la cara! Mire la cara!

He's not picking up.

Try again! What?

Come on, Jock! What are you doing?

RINGING TONE

Rico. Es importante.

Por favor. Por favor.

Por favor. Por favor. It's importante.

JOCK GASPS

Er...

What's going on?

We're going to miss the cake, everyone.

Come on. Hold on.

I was getting some dinosaurs

on the internet to show Star.

Isn't that right, Linda?

Go on. Go on through in there.

JOCK CHOKES AND GASPS

Linda, what is going on?

We were trying to get a visual call for Jock so he could speak to Star.

Look, I'm so sorry.

I'm Star's mam!

Who the fuck do you think you are doing this behind my back?

JOCK CHOKES AND WHEEZES

JOCK WHEEZES AND GROANS

I told you to keep her busy.

I told her about the pigeons.

"Pigeons"?!

Oh! Ah, shit!

Where are you?

Where are...?

SQUEAKING

Bingo!

You tell the rat that took a chunk out of me

I hope he feels every bit of pain

that you're about to feel now.

Oh!

Jesus Christ!

Legs!

What happened? Is everyone OK?

We lost the rat. Is he down there?

This just tops it all!

You have rats in your house!

It's not "rats" plural. It's just one rat.

Well, if you knew you had rats,

maybe for the safety of everyone,

you shouldn't have thrown a party in your house.

My balls are getting crushed on the rafter.

Can someone push my legs up?

OK. It's just a rat.

Lots of people get mice.

All you need to do is put a few traps down with a bit of bait.

And maybe use a bit of disinfectant once in a while.

Oh! And maybe clean the place.

Because our house is a filthy shithole,

and that's why we have rats, is it?

Crassly put - but, yes, it's accurate.

Oh, my God! I can't believe I'm listening to this fucking shit

in my house! Which obviously isn't good enough for you,

but it's good enough for me and my family.

Why don't you just piss off back to your house

and leave us in our filthy shithole?

Can somebody help me?

Billy! I'm coming!

I warned you!

Terrible idea coming here.

This party has been a disaster from the start.

Ahem! At least now it's over.

Let's go back to your house.

Kitchen or no kitchen, anything would be better than this.

The only reason this party is a disaster is because you came.

Me?!

Mairead is my friend,

and she was doing me a big favour hosting it here today.

And from the second we arrived,

you have complained about everything.

You've walked around with your nose stuck up in the air,

acting like your own shit doesn't stink.

My shit does not stink!

Really?

With your family?

I'm embarrassed to bring you anywhere

because you do this all the time.

Act horrible to people just so you can feel better about yourself.

Well, you cause too much hurt here today.

And next time there's a family occasion, you're not invited.

Well said, Orla. Well said.

Do you mind if I join you?

Yeah. Yeah.

I can join you or, yeah, you mind?

Whatever.

Right.

I...

Are you going to say something,

cos this is getting really weird? Yeah, I'm getting there,

all right?

I grew up in a one-parent house

with my mother and my two brothers.

My father wasn't a good person

and spent most of his life in and out of prison.

Everybody knew us as the kids with the convict dad.

I'm now in my 60s...

..and I'm still so ashamed...

..I distance myself from it in every way I can.

Unfortunately, that can make me act like...

Like an arsehole.

Yes.

Like an arsehole.

With Star's dad gone into prison -

well, it just reminds me too much of my life growing up.

Look, Jock's not like your dad, OK?

He's actually a really good kid.

He just did something...

..really fucking stupid.

JOCK SINGS HESITANTLY

Come here, Star. Let me just put on your jacket there.

Star.

What have you got there?

Nothing.

Psh! Show me. What is it?

Don't be cross with me, Mammy.

I want to go see my daddy.

Why do you hate him?

Oh, I don't hate him!

It's just...

Oh, he just broke my heart!

And it hurts a lot.

SOBS

Gracias. Gracias.

Thank you.

RINGING TONE

Hi, Star! Hi, Star!

It's me. It's your daddy.

OK. Happy... Happy birthday!

How is it...? How is it going?

Um...

I'm sorry I couldn't be there.

Where are you?

I'm... Er...

I'm...

He's at work, Star. Overseas.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm...

You know, I think about you all the time.

I imagine what your life is like.

Um, and, well,

everything that you do,

it makes me so, so proud.

So proud!

You're the best thing I've ever done. And, er...

Well, someday I'm going to get out of here

and I'm going to make it all up to you.

For all the time I was away.

I miss you so, so much.

I miss you too, Daddy.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Star

Happy birthday to you!

INMATE SPEAKS SOFTLY IN SPANISH

INMATES: Porque es un buen companero

Porque es un buen companero

ALL: For she's a jolly good fellow

And nobody can deny!

And so say all of us...

ALL CHEER

Happy birthday, Star! Woo!

I love you so, so much, Star.

I love you, too, Daddy.

Do you know what? We'll give you a minute there. OK.

Thanks.

I meant Siobhan. Oh.

Come on, Star.

From now on, you can speak to Star whenever you want.

Thanks.

And, Siobhan...

..I'm so sorry for everything I put you through.

I know.

I thought it was your hand.

How could you mistake his hand for my hand?

He's got a convict hand and it's nothing like mine.

Well, how would you know if you've never held his hand before?

I've shook his hand,

and mine are way smoother.

WHISPERS: And that's why I'm asking.

Why would you do it? Why would you hold his hand?

Oh!

Get a grip!

TAPPING ON A GLASS

Do you mind if we try to do another family photo?

The entire family this time -

the Walshs and MacSweeneys.

Right. Come on! Everyone,

squeeze in close.

All right. The Murphys, too. Billy, come on. Get in.

All right!

Everyone, nice and close.

Do you mind if I put my arm around you? Just so we're in the shot?

Sure.

Right. OK, is everyone in?

Just a second. Yeah.

Why not? Could someone pass me a fork there, please?

Next to you... Sorry, Mairead. The lot of you, come on.

All right. OK.

OK, OK. Ten. Nine. Eight...

Act normal, everyone, now, for Christ's sake!

OK. Just two seconds.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

Aghhhhh!

What's happening?

SHRIEKING

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