Original subtitles

CONOR: When you live with someone, they can really push your buttons.

Especially when they're sticking their knob in your mam.

GROANING

Will you two shut up in there?

MAIREAD: Who's the sergeant now?

Conor.

CONOR SHOUTS Get out!

What does this say? "Attention, Conor.

"Before you leave the shower,

"wipe down the tiles and take your pubes out of the drain."

My pubes aren't grey, so...

Quick tip - there really shouldn't be any suds on the cup

when you put it in the draining rack.

The suds are actually the dirtiest thing in the sink.

When you hear yourself saying things like that,

do you ever just want to punch yourself in the face?

Just rinse the cup.

What are you doing?

I can't see, OK?

I need to be able to find my box of fishing tackle.

Well, I can't see the TV.

Well, I can't see anything.

See them?

Leave it open.

Leave it, leave it... Leave it open! Oh!

What is going on?!

BOTH: He did it! Well, he started it.

Oh, I started it, did I? You're playing on your silly little...

Because I was here minding my own business...

Shut the fuck up!

Oh, I thought I was blind.

You asked me to make an effort, and I made an effort.

But it's pointless. He doesn't listen to me.

He doesn't want to do anything with me. Obviously what you're doing

is not working, all right? He's an adult now.

He's not a child any more.

Mam, could you do that? Yeah, of course.

I hear you, OK? And I promise I'll make more of an effort

when I come back from my fishing trip.

But, sure, that's perfect. He can go with you.

Ah, what? Not a chance.

Fishing is my...me time. OK, you're going together.

Cos, Conor, otherwise you can forget about your dinners being cooked

and your clothes being washed

and all the million things that I do for you every single day.

And, Tony, you can forget when I said...

SHE WHISPERS

What did she say?

We're going fishing.

What did she say to you?

HE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF

Oh, don't worry at all, Conor. I got all this.

OK.

Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?

I was being sarcastic, you little prick.

Ah, there's the Healy I know.

This is fun, isn't it?

It's like a father-son thing.

And you get to meet Tony's dad. He's got a pub down by the lake.

It's like three generations.

First of all, Conor is not my son.

Yeah, you fucking wish.

Second of all, any father-son memories I have,

Conor wouldn't want to relive. Trust me.

Don't mind Tony. His dad's great craic.

Bye, love. Bye, love.

Drive safe.

Watch out, watch out, watch out!

Got you.

CONOR LAUGHS

What are you trying to catch anyway? Some stupid fish?

Not just any fish.

I was at the lake two weeks ago, and I hooked the biggest trout

that's ever been caught there.

Yeah? Did you eat it?

No, it got away.

So you didn't catch a fish, you saw a fish.

Yeah, well, it won't get away this time.

CONOR YAWNS

I thought it was an hour away.

I took the scenic route.

HE GROANS

Who takes the long way on purpose?

Like, you do know that me and Mam work in a fish shop?

We can get fish whenever we want.

We don't need to pull it out of the water.

When you catch it yourself, it tastes better.

Have you got any food? I'm starving.

CONOR SHRIEKS

What the fuck! Worms!

Maggots! Will you put the lid back on?

They're crawling on me!

SHOUTING AND SHRIEKING

Fuck's sake!

It's in my mouth!

THEY SHOUT

They're biting my nipples! Help me get my jumper off!

They're crawling into my hole! I got you, I got you.

Who puts maggots in a lunchbox?!

It's not a lunchbox!

It's a bait box! How was I supposed to know?

Morning. Morning.

Grand day for it.

Just get back in the car and don't touch anything.

Still going up my hole.

The only thing I can think of

that would be worse than spending a weekend with Tony Healy

is spending a weekend with two Tony Healys.

But as it turned out, only one of them Tony Healys

was a boring prick.

It's the famous Conor.

Finally get to meet you at last!

Aye.

And you're as good-looking as your mam, aye? Stop!

And you've the patience of a saint living with my young fella.

Oh, that's it. Oh!

We just came in to get some bait.

Great. Come down to the end of the bar,

I'll get you sorted, Junior.

HE LAUGHS

Oh, your dad's sound.

He's not like you at all.

Junior.

Don't call me that, all right? Only he calls me that.

All right, Junior? What's the craic, Junior? How are you?

Ah, Junior, how are you?

Junior it is.

Why do they call you Junior?

It's all about dick size.

Tiny! Yeah, well, mine's grown a bit since I was ten.

So has mine.

Mine's growing right now!

You were seen fishing up the lake the last few weeks.

You never came down.

Yeah, I was going to, but, you know, I got called back to work.

Jesus. Here, Senior.

Is that a real fish?

Oh, you can be sure of it.

That's massive.

It was caught by the best fisherman on the lake.

You?

He's talking about himself. Oh.

Junior caught this lovely little fella.

Make a nice badge, wouldn't it?

Tiny! Like his mickey!

THEY LAUGH

Yeah, I caught that when I was, like, ten,

and he just puts it up there to make his look bigger.

It does.

Right. That'll be nine euro.

You're charging me? Yeah.

Well, the man's got to make a living.

That young fella'll go far.

Go on, so. I'll give you a family discount.

8.50.

Ha-ha! I've no change.

TONY SENIOR AND CONOR LAUGH

I'll take you on at a game of pool, though, before you go.

Or darts, or rings.

No. What's wrong with you?

Are you afraid of getting thrashed by the old man

in front of the young fella?

No. It's just we've got to get camp set up.

There's a spare room above.

No, we'll camp out.

Suit yourselves.

Can we just stay here? I don't want to go camping, like.

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but his favourite hobby

is to make me feel like shit, OK? No, thank you.

Sounds like a you problem.

Enjoy the fishing, boys!

Leave a few big ones behind for me.

See you, Senior!

Your dad is a legend.

Everybody knows the whole reason humans evolved

was to make life easier for ourselves.

What's this? You sleep in it. Tiny.

That's why we invented houses, and electricity.

After all that hard work, why would anyone want to go camping?

Grab that pole there.

OK. And it's going to go up through there.

Keep going.

It's getting harder.

Is it there?

No, it's gone floppy here.

Conor. Yeah? Will you hit this in, please?

Just mind my hand.

Come on.

Harder? Come on, will ya?

Argh!

I told you to mind my hand.

You should mind your own hand.

I'm not the one with the fucking hammer.

You're the one with the hand, though.

So how you getting on in the great outdoors? Are you having fun?

Yeah. Yeah.

Come on, you stupid thing!

Yeah, no, we're getting on like a house on fire.

More like a house fire, I'd say. No, look, his attitude is great.

There's a family of worms here, Tony.

Actually, he's always loved the nature, like, so...

Yeah, he's a natural hunter, so...

I'm delighted you're getting on.

You know, it's early days yet, but we've...

We've got all the stressful jobs out of the way, and, um,

once we get out on the water and start fishing,

we'll be bonding in no time. CONOR SHOUTS

Just don't let him wander off on his own, all right?

No. Uh, I should be so lucky.

Look, sure, I'll let you go back to Conor. OK.

Bye-bye-bye. Bye! Bye-bye-bye.

Can I smoke in the tent?

Conor.

Get the bait.

What?

We're going fishing.

Catching fish takes a lot of skill.

They're smarter than we give them credit for.

Bullshit, boy. I work with fish every day.

They seem dumb as fuck to me.

Yeah, well, the one we're going after today is smart.

Two weeks ago, he pretended to be in shock

when I was taking the hook out.

The moment I had it out, he flipped out of my hands and swam away.

He did, I swear.

Totally. I believe you.

Fish was pretending to be dead.

Eyes closed, pretending not to breathe.

Was its tongue sticking out its mouth like this?

All right, dickhead, just cast off and we'll see who's smarter,

you or the fish.

Now, the key is, right, hold the rod tight.

Nice and tight. It's not rocket science.

I've got it.

When you've been working as a fishmonger as long as me,

fishing with a rod is something you develop naturally

without any practice.

Sort of the same way babies can swim without armbands

because they've been living

in their mam's womb water for nine months.

All right, I got it, I got it. OK.

Oh!

Oh, Jesus. Ah, fuck.

Conor! It's stuck on something.

I know! Argh!

I need to do it harder, is it? No, no, no, no, no!

Oh, Jesus, Conor, pull it out! Pull this out.

What's that? You want me to cast again?

No, no, no, no, no, no, please! Right.

TONY SCREAMS Ah, Jesus!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

What's happening?

TONY SCREAMS

Conor! What?

Pull it out! Oh, shit!

Ah! OK, OK.

Breathe, breathe. Which way...?

Oh, Jesus Christ! Count down from five, please.

Five, four, three, two, one!

HE SCREAMS

Sitting in awkward silence

is something I got very good at in prison.

But after 30 minutes, someone has to say something.

Why'd you start fishing, anyway?

I was advised to take up a hobby

to get my mind off catching criminals.

So you went from trying to catch criminals

you couldn't catch on a bike

to a fish you couldn't catch on a lake?

When you catch the fish, do you have to read them their rights?

Very funny.

Are the fish innocent until proven guilty?

Do you know what, Conor? Just get it all out of your system.

No, that's it. All right, I'm done.

It's a good PLAICE for it, isn't it?

HE WINCES Oh!

Ah!

How sore is that on a SCALE of one to ten?

Stop, Conor, will you?

What's going on?

Tony! What's going on?

Sh! Will you keep your voice down?

You're going to scare it away.

That splashing over there was the trout. I know it was.

Will you hold this?

Conor, will you stop it? You're going to scare it away.

Do it like I showed you.

LINE SPOOLS I think I got something!

No, you didn't.

Look, I did!

Jesus, you do have something.

I told you! Pull it in, pull it in quickly.

I am! Pull it in, Conor, pull it in! It's getting away.

I know! Reel and pull and pull. I am! Stop telling me what to do!

Reel it in, come on! Fine! You do it. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, that's the guy. That's the one I almost caught.

Holy shit! It's bigger than your dad's one!

I know. THEY LAUGH

Come on, come on.

Oh...

Ah, bollocks.

Why aren't you upset?

Because now I know where it lives.

And trout come out to feed in the morning.

So tomorrow, it's mine.

A duck!

That's a mad-looking duck.

BAND PLAYS "THE WILD ROVER"

Confess what I've done

And I'll ask them to pardon the prodigal son

And as they caress me...

So there we were, right, caught nothing all day,

and we see this monster fish jump in the distance.

So we're on it.

Cast off to that spot.

We have a bite within two minutes.

It was a massive fucker.

Like, way bigger than that one, wasn't it?

And?

He slipped off the hook as I was hauling him in.

But I know where he is now, so I'll get him tomorrow.

Two pints of Beamish, please.

Any luck with the fishing?

Aye, there was this one...

No, uh, nothing at all.

Tell me something, Conor, I've been trying to figure out.

How did Junior here convince your mam to go out with him?

Well, that's one of life's big mysteries.

Loch Ness, the morning boner and that.

SONG FINISHES

CHEERING

My noble call - Junior for a song.

What? No, no, no, no, no. Jesus!

No, no, no. Don't waste your breath.

Junior doesn't sing at all.

He does sing. He sings all the time.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do. You sing in the shower all the time.

You even sang a song to get my mum to marry you.

You have a great voice...for a guard.

Go on, Junior!

SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT

Here.

These are on the house.

Go on, Junior, sing a song for your old man.

Ah, you will.

Junior! Junior! Junior! Junior!

EVERYONE JOINS IN

All right, all right, all right. I'll sing something.

This is, uh, one Mam and Dad used to sing.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

I am a sailor

You're my first mate

We signed on together

We coupled our fate

Hauled up our anchor

Determined not to fail

For the heart's treasure

Together we set sail

With no maps to guide us

We steered our own course

Rode out the storms when the winds were gale force

Sat out the doldrums in patience and hope

Working together we learned how to cope

ALL: Life is an ocean

And love is a boat

In troubled waters

That keeps us afloat

When we started the voyage

It was just me and you

Now gathered round us

We have our own crew.

How can I protect you from the...

ALL, DRUNKENLY: I am a sailor

And you're my first mate

We signed up together...

I'll see you, Mary. I'll give you a text!

I got Mary's number. She's sound, mind.

I don't feel so good.

Oh, I feel ten out of ten.

Oh!

Conor, will you rub my back? It helps me to get it up.

I'm not rubbing your back. I'll pat it. Oh!

TONY RETCHES You're all right.

Oh, God. Mind the shoes!

Uh-oh.

HE BREAKS WIND

Ah!

Here, get that into you. It'll help you.

CONOR SHIVERS

Tony?

What?

Are you asleep?

Obviously not.

Tony?

What?

Tony, it's cold.

Why don't you come on over here, right,

we'll do like the penguins and we'll huddle together for warmth.

What? Like the penguins.

I'm not fucking doing that. Why do you want me to do that?

I just think we'd both be warmer if you did.

Why don't you do it to me?

Cos I asked you to come over here.

I'm asking you. You're older. You come over here.

Difference does it make that I'm older?

Why don't we both meet in the middle? OK. On three.

BOTH: One. Two. Three.

Ahhh.

Tony? What?

Who was your...? Who was your first kiss?

Seriously, Conor?

I have to talk to get to sleep.

I'm not telling you that.

I'll keep annoying you till you do.

OK, fine.

It was a girl named Trudy.

Yeah? Yeah.

What was she like?

She was OK.

Where is she now?

I think she's dead.

Morning. INSECT BUZZES

What the hell is he doing here?

Ah! Lovely morning.

How are the boys?

That's a cosy set-up, isn't it?

We should get out on the water.

I'll show you how to catch that little fish you were talking about.

Oh, he is class.

You told him about the fish?

Er...well, yeah.

Last night we were just chatting a bit, and I was...

I was bigging you up, though, I said you nearly caught

a bigger fish than the one in the pub.

And, uh, I told him that you figured out where to catch it, too.

So he said he'd join us, like.

You told him on purpose?

Is there a problem?

You knew the one thing that would hurt me more than anything

in the world would be to watch him hauling in that fish instead of me.

I don't give a fuck who catches the fish.

Fishing is stupid and you're both idiots if you care about it.

What are you doing?

I'm not sticking around to watch him rub my nose in it

like he always fucking does when he hauls in that fish.

Pack up the stuff. We're leaving.

Are you giving up already?

Why couldn't you just have kept your mouth shut?

You don't own my mouth, boy. My mouth can say what it wants.

Just pack up the car.

Nah. You're the one who wants to leave, you pack it up.

I'm having a cigarette.

TONY COUGHS

It's just a fish, Healy. Get over it.

Ha-ha!

I'll tell you something.

If my dad was alive and he liked catching big fish...

..I'd do anything just to go down and spend time with him

and help him do that.

I'm saying you should go down and help your dad do it.

I know what you're saying.

Did you forget something?

What's that? Well, you won't catch many fish without a rod.

Just thought you could use some help.

That's if you want it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'd be great.

Here, you can hold this if you want.

Any bites yet? Nah.

Might be in the wrong spot.

Cast out to that ridge over there.

That's where we hooked him yesterday.

Hair of the dog?

TONY SENIOR CHUCKLES

One for you.

Aah.

QUACKING

Might not be our day, boys.

Conor had this interesting technique that he was using yesterday.

Conor, do you want to show Dad?

Ah, well, yeah.

So, it's pretty straightforward, really. You just...

You take the rod and you just kind of fuck it.

Just move it around as much as you can.

Don't think too much about it.

You won't catch much doing that,

except the rock at the bottom of the lake.

LINE SPOOLS See? Oh! Told you.

That's no rock.

Ah, that's a rock.

No fish would be that strong.

Oh! Oh, fuck!

Fuck's sake!

Hold it! Don't lose it now. That's it, Dad. Nice and easy.

Nice and easy. A big one. A really big one!

Junior.

I mean Tony.

It's a bit too big for me just to pull.

Here, give me a hand.

That's it. I think we're going to need more manpower.

Come on, Conor!

OK.

Come on, that's it! It's coming!

Here we go! Get it, get it, get it!

THEY CHEER

It's fucking huge!

Oh, class!

Well, what you want to do with it?

Er... Oh, geez, I don't know.

You caught it. You decide.

We all caught it. I'd prefer you decide.

Do you know what?

You've already got one award-winning fish behind the bar.

If you haven't gone fishing before, like me,

you probably think fishing is about catching fish.

He's free.

But the catching part only lasts for about a minute.

The rest of the day, you're spending time in your own head

solving the problems from the week before.

Or problems that have been stuck in your head for years.

It reminds me of this YouTube video...

Like how to find a way to enjoy time with a family member

who drives you mental most of the time.

I'll leave you for a minute, will I?

I'm kind of hungry.

Yeah.

How long is the drive home?

Don't worry. I'll take the fastest way.

Ah, I'm in no rush.

I don't mind taking the scenic route.

Well, it wasn't that bad, fishing.

Yeah? Do you think you'll get into it?

Er, no. OK.

That's it, yeah.

You're doing good. You're doing good, Tone.

OK, he's coming up behind me. Will you get him?

You've got a lightning, use it.

Yes! OK. OK. You're still first. Grand.

Lads! What's going on? Your fishing shit's everywhere,

and there's mud all over the hallway.

I think I got one of those lightning things now.

Yeah, you're ready to go. You keep going.

Ah, Jesus, Mairead, we can't see the screen!

It's the middle of the day, Tony.

Yeah, well, we're in the middle of a race. OK?

A race. Seriously?

Leave it. I don't care what you're in the middle of.

We can't see the screen. It's the middle of the day.

We can't... Don't be so stupid. Tony!

Yes! I came fourth.

Yes! You... You came last, though. Ugh.

Seriously, Tony? Seriously?

We're on to the next level. Come on.

Sorry. We're on to the next level there.

Who just came in?

Oh, fuck's sake.

Who was that? Hmm?

I am a sailor

You're my first mate

We signed on together

We coupled our fate

Hauled up our anchor

Determined not to fail

For the heart's treasure

Together we set sail.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0