Original subtitles

Hey, what's the update on the school board race?

It's still too close to call.

But it doesn't have to be!

I've got a video of her opponent rescuing

a puppy from the shelter.

I run it backwards, it looks like she's abandoning a puppy.

You make that go viral before the polls close,

come on!

Jackie, I am running to help the kids.

What kind of message does that send if

I don't do it with integrity?

But, wouldn't hurt to start editing it.

Yeah, this is the first time any of us

have run for something.

Usually, we're running from things.

Race is still neck-and-neck.

Did you land on a story for your article?

Just finished.

It's about a father and son who came into my store to buy

the kid his first toolbox.

I like your approach.

Dull, but true.

Hey, look, I know it's for "Hardware Magazine,"

but it's not really about the toolbox, okay?

Dad says they're gonna build a bunker together

for when the world becomes a nuclear hellscape.

And then the kid says, yeah, but Dad, what...

Oh, come on!

Hey, hey!

That's not... I mean, this is the...

[both laughing]

No, go on. No, no, tell us.

- Yeah. - [both laugh]

- The dad says... - Yeah.

So the dad says, we're gonna build this bunker together...

Oh, oh.

So the kid says,

what if the world isn't incinerated?

And the dad says, I don't know, I guess we'll

just turn it into a game room.

Okay, there it is.

I look forward to the Hallmark movie.

[laughs]

- Hey! - Hey.

Hey, hi, guys, thanks for coming over.

We brought election night sliders.

I'm too nervous to watch the election,

but I did hear the rustling of a burger bag.

Don't tell me, crinkle it one more time.

White Castle.

If only we could turn that superpower into money.

I really hope you win so you can teach your music program,

start turning out some serious rock stars.

Why?

So they enjoy a fleeting moment of success

before they're dragged down into a black hole

of drugs and alcohol?

That doesn't sound like my little ray of sunshine.

That sounds like my little winter solstice.

I'm sorry.

Interning at the rehab center has really

gotten me in a dark place.

Hearing all the problems of the patients

during their therapy sessions, I just can't shake them.

Well, you gotta get out of that headspace.

Try this.

Pose what you hear as a positive instead of a negative.

Instead of problems, you call them opportunities for change.

Change-your-tune-ities.

[laughing] Change-your-tune-ities.

That's kind of fun.

Oh, right!

This one woman, Annie, shooting heroin made the veins

in her arms collapse.

So now she gets to shoot between her toes.

Change-your-tune-ity.

Change-your-tune-ity.

Wow, that was so cynical and dark.

Love this new you.

I don't, but it's part of the job,

and I wanna help these people.

- Oh, that's wonderful. - Oh!

It's the right thing to do!

I'm not trying to be a hero.

I'm sorry, honey, we weren't even listening to you.

Louise just won the school board.

[cheering]

Oh, thank you, guys for all your support.

Finally something to celebrate.

Hey, did anyone get a call from the fire department?

- Nice timing. - No, I'm serious.

I think the hardware store is on fire.

- What? - There was a lot of smoke.

The streets were all blocked off, so I couldn't be sure.

Oh, my God, this is horrible.

Oh, congratulations, Louise, you go, girl.

My God.

It's all gone.

There's gotta be something we can salvage.

Oh, hey, look right here.

These fireplace matches, totally fine.

[bluesy rock music]

6x11 - Fire and Vice

? ?

"The Conners" is filmed in front of a live studio audience.

Damn.

Wow.

Hey, what took you guys so long?

The cops wouldn't let me through.

I told them I work here. They told me to prove it.

Unfortunately, the only proof we had was a video Dan

had sent me of him working late,

dancing to "Do You Think I'm Sexy"

in just his hardware apron.

Cops asked Louise if she wanted to press charges.

Holy crap!

There's nothing left.

How do you come back from this?

Ben, what could you have done so wrong

in your life to deserve something as terrible as this?

I don't know if you saw it, but I texted you

that your energy might not be completely appropriate here.

I did. I texted you back.

See you in a few.

- What do you think caused this fire? - Oh, it's obvious.

Louise and I finally had paying off the house in sight,

so God burned down my major source of income.

Do you think your insurance will cover it?

I don't know. I, uh, kept the policy here.

[grunts]

So, I've been meaning to put this in the fireproof safe.

I'll have to call my mom and find out.

Oh, crap, that's right.

I forgot.

Happy Mother's Day.

Oh, thank you, honey.

This is kind of how my body felt after you were born.

Hey, I brought you something.

I had to drop off a load of boxes in New Orleans,

brought you back some pralines, don't you know.

About ready to go?

Sorry, I can't make dinner.

I gave my email and phone number to some of the patients,

and I'm in the middle of answering them.

Are interns are supposed to be

giving out personal information to patients?

No, but I felt depressed, because I was listening

to all these women who are going through hell,

and I wasn't allowed to do anything about it, so now I am.

Look, I don't know much about this,

but it seems like communicating directly with your patients

can get you in trouble.

I don't care.

Beverly Rose is with her dad right now,

and this is what I need to do.

You also need to eat.

I'm dealing with somebody who's about to start

turning tricks to support her dope habit,

and you are asking me if I wanna share a basket of wings?

It doesn't have to be wings.

Are you joking?

I'm just trying to lighten the mood.

I wanna take you out.

You know where nobody's ever sad?

Chili's.

I don't need to lighten my mood.

If sadness makes you uncomfortable,

you need to grow up.

Hey!

I basically drive a bus in the sky.

That is very grown up.

I can't always be the fun girl for you.

You think I'm that shallow?

All I want is for you to be fun?

I mean, believe me, this is not fun.

But I'm still here.

Well, maybe you're not strong enough to leave.

Okay, I was wrong.

Somebody is gonna be sad at Chili's.

[bluesy harmonica music]

Hey, Darlene.

How's Ben gonna make up for this lost income?

Ah, well, he tried to sell his beard to Locks of Love,

but, eh, they're looking for younger beards.

Great news.

Called my mom to tell her the store burned down.

Like any loving and concerned mother,

she took two days to call me back.

But the upshot is, Mom and Dad had

great insurance on the store.

Thank God!

Called the company adjuster, he came out, and when we met,

he said even though I had an arsonist vibe,

that he couldn't find any evidence that I am one.

Arsonist vibe, that's what it is!

But it turns out, it was frayed wires.

But, hey, we're covered, the structure,

inventory, all of it.

We could rebuild the whole store.

I wanna get back to work as soon as possible.

I could bring in a couple of contractor buddies,

and they could start work immediately.

Uh, hold on.

Let's not rush this.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

If we rush things, we'll end up with a slipshod job.

Let's kick back, have a couple beers,

then rush things, end up with a slipshod job

that we don't care about, because we're drunk!

I say, let's just take a moment

to be incredibly thankful, because this

could have been so much worse.

- Amen. - Amen.

Yes.

Can I get an amen?

I mean, even I said it, and I don't believe

in any of that nonsense.

Well, you know, when I first found out

that we were gonna be getting all that money,

my first thought wasn't to rebuild the store.

What was your first thought?

If it was a snowmobile, yes, if we have money left over.

No, it was that I never really wanted

that hardware store in the first place.

And I feel a little guilty saying this,

but I'm kind of glad that it's gone.

No, I get that.

I think about the cafeteria burning down every day.

What if we don't rebuild?

What if we use that insurance money to do something else?

I called "Hardware Magazine," and the owner's retiring,

and he's willing to sell.

Okay, I have to ask you this.

Did you burn down the store?

No, I didn't burn it down.

God did it for me so I can have a magazine again.

Amen!

A magazine is such a big risk.

I mean, we've done this before.

And since we're not having this conversation on our yacht

off Saint-Tropez, I think it might

not be a viable path forward.

Yeah, but the mug shot magazine,

that was during a recession.

And "Hardware Magazine,"

they've already got a decent following.

I mean, you know they've been getting

a whole lot of positive emails about my column.

I don't know, Ben. It's just not good timing.

What about my dad?

What about our bills?

- Sure, the future, great. - No, no, no!

- There'll be a time... - No, no!

God is not gonna burn down my store twice for me.

Look, I know you're an atheist, but the time is now.

Look, the only reason I could afford

to take that cafeteria job is because the store

was stable income.

Okay.

I understand that we make these decisions together,

but you know, I feel like this is my last shot to do something

meaningful with my life.

Are you sure that you don't want a snowmobile?

[bluesy harmonica music]

Becky's truck just pulled up.

Is she with Tyler?

No.

But there's some woman in the truck.

Why?

Oh, he called me and said they had a fight.

He's really upset about the way she's been acting.

Hey.

One of the women from the rehab just got kicked out.

Could she stay with one of you guys for a couple nights

while I track down her family?

Why aren't you taking her to a shelter?

Oh, they won't take her, because she got into a fight

at the rehab, and then she kind of threatened

to drive a car into the place.

Uh, I'd really like to help, but Dan doesn't like it when

there's a car blocking his TV.

Yeah, Jessica's not violent, she's just unstable.

Oh, unstable.

Oh, I'll blow up the air mattress.

How did you go from observing at a clinic

to driving a patient around in your truck?

She's in a really screwed-up situation.

Come on, Jackie, just help me this one time.

No way.

I'm not bringing some sketchy stranger into my house.

Neville can barely handle you guys coming over.

Okay, now that you got a husband who's got a few bucks,

you don't care about anybody but yourself.

There's a difference between caring

and doing something stupid.

Becky, you have to set boundaries.

Tyler's really worried about you.

You two are talking about me?

He called me, and he said you've become

an entirely different person.

Both of you need to mind your own business.

These are my patients, okay? Back off.

Your patients?

You're an intern who got caught up with substance abusers.

That's not safe for somebody who's still new to recovery.

Wow!

Use my addiction against me.

You know what? Never mind.

We're gonna drive around until we find

an actual human being.

What the...

Damn it!

She took off with my truck!

I'm gonna tell Jessica it's not her fault.

No, you're not.

Why did you do that?

Her number is in my phone, and now I can't find her.

Yeah, that's why I did it.

I will call the cops, tell them that she stole your truck.

That woman needs professional help.

You need to chill.

You're not thinking straight.

I have never been more clear.

Thanks for nothing.

[bluesy harmonica music]

Thanks, but you don't have to give me all this food, Mom.

Oh, yeah, I do.

I know what they feed you at school,

because I feed it to you.

I heard you talking to Ben about the magazine.

Yes.

I felt bad about that, but we just can't afford it.

He hates working at the hardware store so much.

You can see it in his eyes.

And he only worked there for us.

Yes, you're right.

And I would love to be able to repay the favor,

but it's just too risky.

I mean, I actually think the magazine's a great idea,

but it could still fail, because that's

how the Conners roll.

But Ben's not a Conner, so even if he got the curse

through marital contact, it's only half as strong.

Well, his business just burned to a crisp,

so it seems pretty strong to me.

And look, if he does fail,

then I'd have to quit my job to pay the bills,

and we wouldn't be able to afford your tuition.

I know, but Ben sacrificed so much for me.

I'm willing to make a sacrifice for him.

I've never said anything half as nice as that about Ben.

I'm just saying, why are his dreams

less important than ours?

Can I get back to you on that?

Hey, Ben, my mom wants to talk to you.

I'm just looking at stuff to make

the hardware store more fun.

You know, if I rebuild it, this is a claw machine where

you can win a screwdriver.

So if I win it, I can drive it into my heart.

You are so dramatic.

All right, you can have the magazine.

Sorry, I didn't hear that. What?

I'm not saying it again.

It hurt too much the first time.

Oh, my God, thank you!

Oh, thank you.

You won't regret this, any more than any

of the other horrible decisions you've made in your life.

- Hello, we're here! - Ahh.

So, are you happy?

Oh, completely.

Okay, enjoy that for a minute,

because you won't be after you tell my dad

that he's got no place to work.

Hey!

Thanks for the invite.

Hope you don't mind, we brought something.

No, that's great.

She's got lasagna in there in case

we don't like your vegan food, because, you know, we don't.

Oh, boy.

So, I'm not gonna use the insurance money to rebuild

the hardware store, because there's something else

that I wanna do with it.

Now, Dan, don't freak out, but I am going to use it

to buy "Hardware Magazine."

Are you kidding me?

Just hit me and get it over with.

And I'm talking to you, Louise, because I'm scared of Dan.

Hold my lasagna.

Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, let me just say one thing first.

What?

I am giving Dan 10% of the insurance money,

since he owned 10% of the business.

And I give this to you from the deepest part of my heart.

Just how deep is that heart?

Oh, high five figures.

Oh, thank you!

Oh!

I can pay off the house right now.

Oh, man, thank you.

Thank you.

I didn't think you'd have the balls to burn the place down.

I'm proud of you, son!

[bluesy harmonica music]

[knock at door]

Becky!

It's Jackie.

I know you don't wanna talk to me, but we need to talk.

I got you a new phone.

I shouldn't have broken yours.

It's not my choice whether you wanna talk

to the people in rehab or not.

Yeah, keep the phone.

I shouldn't be talking to anybody.

Scared of where my head's at.

Well, then let's talk about that then.

If I hadn't let Jessica into my truck,

she wouldn't be in jail.

I made it worse.

I worked so hard to get here,

but I can't do this job.

I really thought that this is what I was meant to do, Jackie.

No, Becky, it is.

Becky, come on.

Nobody can do it all alone.

Even trained professionals,

they have their own therapists for support.

I thought therapists were the arch enemy

of Lanford's leading life coach.

I'm gonna tell you something

that you cannot repeat to a single person in this family.

You've probably never noticed this,

but I have been through my share of tough times.

Well, you've hidden it very well.

So, I'm just gonna rip the Band-Aid off.

I go to a therapist.

Jackie, I cannot believe you go to a therapist.

Not because you're still so crazy.

It's just that, have you ever been diagnosed?

Because we all have our theories.

Well, see, the only reason I'm telling you this,

is because there is a value to processing your problems

with professionals.

Is it helping?

Oh, for sure!

Oh, except when Joan gets into the double speak,

you know, borderline this, bipolar that.

Then I just check out.

Yeah, I can't afford a Joan.

Oh, well, see, now that's where you're gonna help me.

I promised Neville I would go every week.

So if I skip one, I go play the slots,

and then you take that one.

How is that ethical?

Oh, now... oh, so, now you're all about the rules?

Okay, I will go see Joan.

Thank you.

I still don't know if I'm cut out for this, though.

Well, first, just take a break from the clinic.

But believe me, you are.

Even a life coach can recognize a fellow healer

when she sees one.

- Oh. - [laughs]

[knock at door]

It's okay to come in?

Yeah.

I'm sorry about yesterday.

It's okay.

I've been thinking.

Pilots talk to other pilots when they've had

really bad experiences in the air.

And I thought that maybe, maybe you

could talk to me about all the terrible stuff

you're dealing with.

You know what?

That's a great idea.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I love you. Okay?

I can handle this.

Okay.

So, there's this woman, Marcia.

And she adopted three beautiful kids,

but she got hooked on opioids.

[sobbing]

[bluesy harmonica music]

Ben's mother and father worked here for 50 years.

You can almost see Ben as a little boy,

running around with his tiny little beard.

Family business, it's rough. A lot of memories.

Don't get emotional.

I'm not. It's not even my family.

It's just the...

[voice cracking] Burnt down memories of somebody

else's dream that they worked so hard

for their whole entire life.

I feel nothing!

[child giggles]

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