Original subtitles

Previously on "Reginald the Vampire"...

I am Balestro.

- What the... - You have 30 days.

Every vampire in this earthly realm will be exterminated.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

You're the reason angels want to kill us all.

If I'm going to die, then I am going out on my terms.

[SNARLS]

- What's up? - It's my mom.

My mom spent most of the last month in bed.

Behold, I am Altus.

Call me Dad.

Huzzah.

Duck! Duck!

You, hamster, stop!

They towed my home away.

I'm going to need accommodations.

But now that I'm facing certain death again,

I have to lie to Sarah about it.

There's something else going on,

and I came here to demand that you tell me what it is.

I will help you.

It's time I revealed my true nature to you.

Seriously?

? ?

You're... an angel?

I am.

- Since when? - The dawn of creation.

- But you love slushies. - They are delicious.

Hey, Cupid, back the fuck up.

Whoa, Reginald.

Cupid is the offspring of Venus and Mars.

- I am a messenger of the divine. - Didn't ask. Don't care.

- Reginald. - Why don't you get your halo

and get out of here, all right? Before I bring the pain.

I mean, it might not be possible,

but I will sacrifice this body if I have to.

No one is asking you to do any of that.

- What's gotten into you? - Reginald is afraid.

He sees me as a rival.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not afraid.

- And I am not a rival. - Of course you're not.

Reggie, come on.

Slushy guy is harmless and, okay, an angel.

Is that why I feel so safe around you?

You feel safe because you are safe.

Sarah, listen to me.

This is my pledge and my truth.

- Sarah, if you just let me explain... - Reginald, please.

Right, sorry.

Angels are real. Mind is blown.

How is this possible? [BREATHES DEEPLY]

Carry on.

? ?

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING] - What are you doing?

Documenting our road trip, starting with the snack-making.

- Honey, smile. - No, not you... him.

Me? I'm making sandwiches.

You're cutting the crusts off.

- Crusts are gross. - [CHUCKLES] You're adorable.

Aren't you, like, 1,000 years too old for that?

I am not 1,000.

Oh, that's good to hear, because I don't know

if I could, uh, handle the, uh, age gap.

So how old are you?

Oh, middle-aged, in incubus years.

But on the other hand, I'm also the guy

who offered to drive at 3:00 a.m.

to go see a sunrise of all things.

If we don't get there early, we'll miss when the sky gets all glowy.

What kind of kid wants to wake up

at 3:00 in the morning?

- An awesome one. - She's got you there.

Mm, well, I don't have to be happy about it.

Oh, sure you do.

[SMOOCHES]

- Ooh. - Better?

- Getting there. - No, no, no.

He might be my dad, but no smoochies allowed.

- Oh, but Mama has needs. - No!

We need to document this, too.

Altus, get in here...

- family selfie. - [SIGHS]

Oh, well, there's that family resemblance.

Okay, I want all smiles, no goofball faces.

Got it? Okay.

In three, two, one.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

- Really? - [CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

If he's here to kill us, then why hasn't he done it already?

Maybe because he got sidetracked.

What if he's here to observe us...

- [SCOFFS] - Like an advanced scout?

Oh, yeah, he's observing... something else.

Reggie, are you mad because Balestro is going to eradicate

the entire vampire species

or because there's an angel mackin' on your girl?

She's not my girl anymore.

Can angels even mack? That's, like, a sin, right?

I have no idea.

What do you think they're talking about?

You can listen if you want to.

Use your ears.

Invading Sarah's privacy?

God. It's off-limits.

We're vampires, not monsters.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

So slushie guy turns out to be an angel.

But what's with the obsession with slushies?

I-I don't get it.

Is it a misdirect or... or part of his disguise?

My 23rd favorite combination

is 2/3 Mango Swirl, 1/4 Chocoholic Blast,

and the remaining 1/12 Passion Pulp.

My 24th favorite combination...

What's his deal?

I'll tell you what it's not... honesty,

because if he was telling Sarah the truth,

that angels are coming to wipe us out in 27 days,

she would kick him right in the celestials.

- I'm outing this guy right now. - Oh, hang on, hang on.

Maybe right now is not the best time for that.

Why, because it's rude to interrupt?

No, because the entire vampire species

is counting on us, is counting on you and your big...

Big brain. Work the problem, solve for X.

Be the hero we need.

I'm totally down with the hero concept.

That's the spirit.

[SOFT MUSIC]

? ?

Mom, are you ready?

Altus is going to be here with the van any minute.

[REFRIGERATOR DOOR CLOSES]

[SCOFFS] Fine.

Dad is going to be here with the van any minute.

Please tell me you didn't forget to set your alarm.

Are you still asleep?

You know what? Doesn't matter.

If we get you changed fast, we can still make it on time.

Here, just put this on.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Mom?

Mom, wake up. This isn't funny.

Mom?

Mom?

Mom, wake up! Mom!

[SOMBER MUSIC]

? ?

How did this happen?

Sometimes it just does.

No, but she was okay.

She was Mom.

I don't... I don't understand.

Do you want a hug?

I don't believe this. This is not true.

How about some water or... or a snack?

We packed the snacks.

For the road trip. I'll get them for you.

Where's your backpack?

Claire?

Hey, I got here as fast as I could.

I'm so sorry.

I went into her room.

I thought she forgot to set her alarm.

She was fine before bed.

She wouldn't forget to set it. Why didn't she set it?

Hey, hey, hey.

A lot of things are not going to make sense right now, okay?

But you know what? They don't have to.

What are you doing?

I'm getting your snacks.

She's in there.

How about we just leave it alone for now,

contact the coroner?

But she needs snacks.

What do you mean, the coroner?

T-that's who you call.

Have you made the call?

- We've been busy. - Right.

Right, okay. I'll do that right now.

No, they'll go in the room. They'll take her.

Hey, Claire, why don't we go sit down?

Don't talk to me like I'm a kid!

Well, you are a kid.

? ?

No one gets snacks.

No one takes Mom away.

And no one opens this door.

? ?

Oh-oh, shit.

My family believes that we're chosen.

I ran away from that.

They believe that being chosen means you have a guardian angel

that watches over you.

Last year I had this moment

behind the Slushy Shack.

I prayed.

Did you hear my prayer?

No, I didn't.

So you're not my guardian angel.

I'm not.

Are you anyone's guardian angel?

No.

What do you do all day?

Okay, I can't believe I asked

an actual angel that question.

Are there harps?

Halos?

Do you sit around all day on clouds watching us like ants?

I'm a cosmic entity tuned to the vibrations of existence,

a glimmer of the Almighty's light.

I don't watch ants.

Oh, okay.

Got it. No ants.

[GASPS] Just to be clear, "ants" means "people."

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

Oh, no. Oh, God.

- What's wrong? - Claire.

- Who's Anne? - Claire's mom.

She's dead.

Whoa, what? When?

[SOMBER MUSIC]

Wait, did you just read my mind?

- Yes. - You can't do that.

It's rude and creepy.

And just don't do it again, okay?

I'm sorry. Your thoughts belong to you.

Todd, I have to go to Claire.

Yeah, yeah. Go, go, go.

? ?

[SIGHS]

? ?

Hey, I'm Todd, the manager.

I'm Uriel, an angel of the Almighty.

Oh, cool.

? ?

I guess that explains that heavenly jawline.

Claire, I know you are grieving.

But you need to step away from the door, okay?

Your mom wouldn't want this.

Less stress-pacing, please.

Damn it, Anne. Why didn't you just tell her?

Talking to yourself is not helping either.

Tell me what?

[SIGHS]

There was something wrong with her blood...

bone marrow, white blood cells.

I didn't understand, not really.

She was sick?

N-no, that's not true.

Well, that's why I've been here so often.

Human medicine couldn't save her.

We had hoped that there was a supernatural cure.

We tried everything. I was ready to give up.

But then out of nowhere, she seemed better.

And I thought... well, I hoped that...

If she was sick, why didn't she tell me?

She wanted to wait.

Wait for what?

I don't know. The right time, a miracle.

What's going on?

Claire won't move from the door, and her mom...

she's inside.

What are you talking about? What right time?

- What miracle? - I don't know.

- Then why did you say it? - I don't know!

What good are you if you don't know anything?

What do you want from me?

I loved her, okay?

I loved her.

But you...

we just met.

Okay, enough of that. Let's just take a deep breath.

She wanted me to be here for Claire

because she knew she couldn't be.

But Claire doesn't want me.

Can you blame her?

I couldn't save Anne. I failed.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

I'm so, so sorry, Claire.

? ?

But you're better off

with me gone.

- Altus, wait! - Altus, no!

? ?

Shit.

? ?

See you later, Dad. Thanks for nothing.

? ?

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

? ?

[SIGHS]

? ?

We need to talk.

You're Maurice Miller, the vampire deacon.

You're their leader.

And you're Uriel, one of the angels

who wants to exterminate me and mine.

I am an angel,

but I no longer wish for your extinction.

My mission on Earth was to find Balestro's offspring.

You're here for Balestro's kid?

Not anymore.

You're an angel, but you're not on his side?

I'm on my own path now.

Then you won't mind telling me how to stop him.

[CHUCKLES]

Balestro is a celestial entity

with powers beyond your imagining.

- He can't be stopped. - That's not good enough.

There's got to be something I can do.

Accept the inevitable. Accept your death.

There is no other choice.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

? ?

Do you have any other questions for me?

? ?

How about a slushy?

Or we could go get something to eat?

If you want to go so bad, just go.

[SIGHS] No one's going anywhere, okay?

We're not leaving you alone.

If you don't want to move, you don't have to move.

No one is rushing you.

But sooner or later,

you have to think about what that means.

Like what, the afterlife?

No, Claire, honey, this is about you

and what you're going through, okay?

It's a process.

You're right.

Death is just a process.

It doesn't mean you have to die from it.

Uh, Claire, you know that's not how that works.

No, there has to be a way.

- A way to what? - To bring my mom back.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

? ?

- Uh... - [SIGHS]

I'm not hungry.

Reggie says you haven't eaten a thing.

If she says she's not hungry, she's not hungry.

Okay.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

What have you got there?

Ideas...

how to bring her back.

Can I see?

[INHALES DEEPLY, CLEARS THROAT]

Yikes, your phone's at 1%.

- Where's the charger? - In my backpack...

in her room.

I'll text Reginald to grab a charger on his way back.

Let's hear Claire's idea first.

All right, start with the obvious...

- turn her into a vampire. - Won't work.

She'd need vampire blood in her system when she...

- died. - I know that.

Zombification.

- Are zombies real? - No, they're not.

[SCOFFS] And why would anyone want to live like that?

Zombie's a definite no.

Here's an interesting one... Lazarus miracle.

Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead.

I don't think Son of God is on call for miracles anymore.

I've got an idea, but we'll need a spirit board.

How is a stupid toy going to help?

Just because they're sold as toys

doesn't mean they aren't useful in a s�ance.

And if we're going to bring your mom back,

we should probably make sure her spirit's up for the trip.

No harm in trying.

Right?

Okay, there's a spirit board on the shelf over there.

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Thanks for taking me seriously.

We got you.

But can I have my pizza first?

Oh, yes. Please.

They are awful when they're hangry.

Can you pass me a slice, too?

? ?

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

? ?

She seemed completely healthy just the other day.

Terminal lucidity.

It's a phenomenon where people experience

increased energy and alertness

in the days leading up to their death.

They call it a death rally.

Maybe Uriel can do something about it?

Are we really going to ask him

to bring Claire's mom back to life?

Is that something angels can even do?

Well, I'm worried about what happens to Claire if we can't.

[SIGHS] We need to get Altus back.

What? So he can just run away again?

He's the only family she's got.

Sometimes family isn't the best option.

You know, I want to help in any way we can,

but I don't have the first idea what it feels like

to lose someone like that.

I'm glad my parents aren't in my life.

I chose that.

But the fact that they're alive...

it feels good to know that they are.

It's weird, right?

I miss my mom and dad all the time.

Hawaii is a long way from Rubber City,

and as you know, vampire travel is complicated.

- Maybe they'll come visit? - [CHUCKLES] I don't know.

Akron's got nothing on the most beautiful place on Earth.

My dad loves his beaches, so...

- Akron's got you. - [CHUCKLES]

Give me your phone.

Um, sure.

But why?

They may not be in your life, but they're not gone either.

[PHONE BEEPS]

[LINE TRILLING]

Hello?

Hey, Mom.

How are you?

[SPEAKING TAGALOG]

[CHUCKLES] Nothing is wrong, I promise.

I-I just wanted to say hi.

Yeah, okay, put him on.

Hey, Dad.

? ?

He's not here.

I came here to check on you.

[SIGHS]

[DOOR SLAMS] What the hell happened here?

Microburst blew right through.

Yeah, it looks like it.

Well, you don't want me leaving a trail of bodies

everywhere I go.

So I got to work through my feelings somehow.

Don't worry, Maurice. I'm fine now.

Ang, you call this fine?

Given the state of things...

you, me, everybody dust when that angel comes back...

yeah, this is what fine looks like now.

I swear to God, if you look at me with pity,

I will rip those eyes right out of your pretty face.

You're coming with me.

Where?

Can't leave you here alone.

I don't need a damn babysitter.

Maybe not, but if I leave you,

you're liable to burn down Reggie's apartment.

Ah-ah, come on, let's go.

Got a destination in mind?

Yeah, time to go check on Claire.

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]

Hello? Todd?

- Got thirsty customers here. - Yeah. No, little busy here.

Hey, you're an angel, right?

That question was rhetorical. This one isn't.

Can you bring someone back to life?

There's a cosmic balance that must be maintained.

Yeah, yeah, I read that comic book.

Yes or no?

[SIGHS]

Violating a law of creation comes at a great price,

one that must be paid willingly.

Okay, great.

Retail, wholesale, aftermarket, how... how much?

A death for a life, a life for a death.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

So...

you're saying the only way to bring someone back is if...

someone takes their place.

Yes.

But you must appeal to a far higher power than me.

And the journey there is beyond your scope.

It's impossible for you.

Well, look at you...

sitting there all satisfied in your normie clothes

with your total unwillingness

to answer prayers or bring dead moms back to life.

What good are you?

Also rhetorical.

[SIGHS]

- Mikey. - Hey.

He's just...

- Thanks. - [CASH REGISTER BELL DINGS]

[PENSIVE MUSIC]

? ?

- Is that really your job? - No.

But the repair guy can't come until Tuesday.

So wait until Tuesday.

My dad's funeral happened on a Tuesday.

It's a crazy coincidence, right?

One-in-seven chance, but sure.

It was a weird day.

No one would look me in the eye.

At first, I thought maybe I wasn't smiling enough,

so I tried smiling bigger.

That just made it worse.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

? ?

All I wanted was for everything to be normal.

? ?

Claire's gonna want that, too.

? ?

But for her, normal...

is a Chocoholic Blast with just a pinch of Tropical Coconut,

which she can't have

if we've got a broken Tropical Coconut machine!

? ?

How can I help?

Pass me that screwdriver.

? ?

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

? ?

We are gathered to make contact

with the spirit of Anne, mother to Claire.

Anne, do you hear us?

Mom, if you can hear me, please give us a sign.

[SOARING CELESTIAL MUSIC]

Hey, uh...

um...

[CLEARS THROAT]

What are you doing?

Do you not know what a s�ance looks like?

We need to open that door.

Nobody opens this door.

Claire, look, I'm really, really sorry about your loss,

but your mom is gone.

And no matter how much you wish that wasn't true,

she's not coming back.

Claire just needs a little more time.

- What about the damn body? - [SIGHS]

Out of the way, spark plug.

- Make me. - Hey, okay, guys, calm down.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Back off.

? ?

This, uh, thing with the door...

it's only the beginning.

Is that a threat?

Call it experience.

[WHISPERS] You've got power.

[NORMALLY] But sooner or later, you're going to realize

that all the power in the world can't change a thing.

That door has to open.

But if it's later, it's later.

Do not let any motherfucker tell you how to feel

or when to feel it, you hear me?

? ?

[CASH REGISTER BELL DINGS]

[SOFTLY] Thanks.

Reginald was angry with me.

You look so sad. Why?

We're grieving for Claire's mom

and for Claire.

But human lives are short.

It's not unusual for the mother to pass before the child.

You think that we measure our lives in time.

You're not wrong,

but we also measure our lives in people.

I don't understand.

Every person in my life is a piece of my life,

and the more someone matters, the bigger the piece.

You follow?

Now, if someone who mattered to me

suddenly died...

it would feel like a piece had been ripped out of my life

or ripped out of me.

You feel their absence like a wound.

A wound that never heals, not completely.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

[MACHINE BEEPS]

Yes! [LAUGHS]

Tropical Coconut is back in business!

[CHUCKLES]

- Yeah, all right. - [BOTH CHUCKLE]

Can you glamour me to forget her?

Why would you want me to do that?

[SIGHS]

I get this is a process.

I get that I need to face what happens next...

but I don't think I can do that right now.

I just want this feeling to be over.

Claire...

your mom introduced you to your first music,

your first food, your first jokes.

If I erase her... [SIGHS]

I'm erasing things that make you who you are.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

then can you at least erase the pain?

There's no shortcuts.

You need to go through this

because you need to know that you can.

Otherwise, how will you ever love someone again?

I don't want to love again if it means feeling like this.

But you will. [CHUCKLES]

And I could quote

at least 20 different song lyrics to prove it,

but, basically, when you're ready,

love comes back.

? ?

Come here.

? ?

Anybody order a Chocoholic Blast

with just a pinch of Tropical Coconut?

? ?

- [STRAW SQUEAKING] - [SIGHS]

Burrito run?

- Oh, I don't mind grabbing them. - Maybe grab some waters? Got to hydrate.

Already grabbed...

- flat and fizzy. - What else you got?

- [DOOR CLOSES] - Everything a grown girl needs.

No offense, but your idea of nutrition

is chocolate and roses.

- I thought you liked roses? - Not for dinner.

Hey, can someone call Claire's school

and let them know she's going to be missing a few days?

Yeah, I'll look up the number.

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

? ?

What?

? ?

I know it's weird...

keeping you from the door.

But the thing is,

as long as the door is shut...

it means Mom isn't really gone.

Maybe she's waiting for me...

to tell me a story or give me a hug.

I hate this so much.

Like, why does everyone wear black at funerals,

as if they're not already the most depressing things ever?

[SOMBER MUSIC]

At my mom's funeral,

everyone has to wear tie-dye, something bright.

Just not black, okay?

? ?

Okay...

I guess I'm... I'm ready.

? ?

Who are you?

I'm Uriel... angel, messenger, warrior.

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm here to give Claire a gift.

? ?

So you want to talk about what happened back there?

Not really.

Yeah, don't care. We're going to talk about it.

I don't really see the need to.

You picked a fight with a child.

I was an idiot, okay? It won't happen again.

Sure it will.

Balestro is coming,

and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.

Remember what you told me? It's okay to be afraid.

I don't have time for afraid.

Yeah, well, it's got time for you,

and sometimes fear comes out in the worst possible ways,

like picking a fight with a child

or trashing Reginald's apartment.

So you own up to it. You face it.

Otherwise you're fighting two battles...

Balestro and yourself.

Okay...

if you're so wise, what do we do now?

Oh, hell if I know.

I'm just here for the pep talk.

Saving the vampire species from extinction?

That's on you, Deacon.

[SUSPENSEFUL DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[SIGHS]

Are you ready?

Yeah.

[SHIMMERING TONE]

Got to hand it to you, Claire Bear...

you picked one hell of a spot.

It's one of my favorite places.

I just wish I could have seen it for real.

Mom?

Wait.

- Are you really you? - Yes, I'm really me.

Uriel said I'd get to see you one last time,

but I thought this was, you know, a fantasy

or a dream or a squishy-feelings thing.

- I didn't realize it'd be you. - Surprise.

What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to find a way...

a way to bring you back with me... can I do that?

I think we're just supposed to talk.

About what?

Whatever you want.

You were sick for a long time.

Yes.

But you didn't tell me? Why did you do that?

If I knew, I would have been different. I would have been better.

Oh, if I would have told you, if you knew,

every time I'd look at you, I'd see it in your face.

Every time you'd smile at me, make a joke,

I'd know you were hurting,

and I didn't want that pain for you.

So I get to deal with all of this out of nowhere

by myself?

You're not alone.

You know what I mean.

Is it so bad that I didn't want death

hanging over the last days we had together?

It was totally selfish.

Yes, I suppose it was.

This is so unfair.

You're a really good person. You don't deserve this.

I was okay.

Well, there are a lot of assholes out there

who deserve to die way more than you.

[CHUCKLES]

[SNIFFLES] I don't want to spend

whatever time we have left talking about assholes...

not when we should be saying goodbye.

[CRYING]

I don't want to say goodbye.

[BITTERSWEET MELANCHOLY MUSIC]

From the moment you were born,

I have loved you with all my heart.

Please don't go.

Pretty sure I don't have a choice.

But you know what?

I'm going to be with you every day.

That's just a thing people say,

but it's not really true.

No, but I will.

I'll be that voice inside your head

every time you don't make your bed...

[LAUGH-CRYING]

Every time you leave your dirty dishes on the table,

because is it so hard to put them in the sink?

[LAUGHING] Mom.

I know you, Claire, better than you know yourself.

And I know that you're kind

and smart...

and, most of all, you are strong.

Do you hear me?

You are strong enough to get through this.

You're strong enough to say goodbye.

I love you, too, Mom.

I love you more.

I love you infinity.

[BITTERSWEET MELANCHOLY MUSIC]

? ?

Goodbye.

[CRIES SOFTLY]

? ?

Goodbye.

? You won't go ?

? Lightly ?

? ?

? But I woke up ?

? Smiling ?

? ?

[RAPHAEL LAKE & ROYAL BAGGS' "FALLING STAR"]

[DREAMY SOMBER PIANO MUSIC]

? ?

? Well, I was dreaming, I was dreaming, love ?

? That we were floating through the city streets ?

? There was a stillness in the air that night ?

? It felt so free ?

? ?

? But easy is the summer sun ?

? And you are like the winter moon ?

? So maybe you can understand why they say... ?

Great service, don't you think?

Just a top-notch send-off.

Why don't you take a few days off?

Let me take care of you, give you a chance to reset.

That sounds nice. Yeah, that sounds awesome.

[DOOR OPENS]

Look who finally showed up.

[DOOR CLOSES]

? ?

I'm sorry for not making the funeral.

It's okay. No big deal.

? ?

And I'm sorry for the way I handled things before.

I had no right to talk to you like that.

? ?

For the record, I would have kicked your ass.

[CHUCKLES]

Don't I know it.

You don't think they're going to fight, do you?

? ?

Probably not.

? ?

Sarah, I need to tell you something.

Oh, finally.

You... you knew?

I knew you had a secret, again.

It's, uh, along the lines of disaster and woe.

Well, isn't that just great?

[CHUCKLES] What is it now? Wait. Oh, let me guess.

You're going to die again, aren't you?

That's a surprisingly good guess...

[LAUGHS] Well, of course it's about dying,

because isn't it always, hmm?

What's the story now?

In 23 days, an angel's going to return at midnight

and wipe every vampire off the planet, me included.

- Why? - It's a long story...

Cain and Abel, the dark and the light.

- It's all very biblical. - An angel?

Is that why you don't like Uriel?

It turns out Uriel's okay.

But the Big Bad we're actually up against

is called Balestro.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Well, thank you for telling me.

You're welcome.

I wish you could have told me before.

- Me too. - Yeah.

- I'm going to need a minute. - Yeah.

Could've gone better.

So, uh, you want me to glamour her

to forget everything you said?

Because that was...

No.

Thanks, but no shortcuts.

Sarah deserves the truth.

So this... this is where we are.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

You okay?

I can't believe Altus never showed.

Shall I hunt him and kill him?

- No. - A little light torture?

- No. - [CHUCKLES]

Hope you're not talking about me.

Not at the moment.

[SIGHS] I could really use a parent right now.

- Group home, here I come. - No.

I promised Reginald on the eve of his certain death...

that turned out better than expected...

to watch over you.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

And not to mention, a certain someone, me,

has already taken care of Child Services.

Glamouring bureaucrats is a blessing.

Wait, so I'm going to live with you?

Mm-mm. Not me...

us.

Like I said, we got you.

[PEACEFUL UPBEAT MUSIC]

? ?

- See you, Reg. - Thank you, guys.

See you, buddy.

Hey.

So what's the latest on Balestro?

Uriel any help?

Turns out Uriel's here for Balestro's kid.

Whoa. Okay, so Balestro's a dad.

That's an interesting data point.

Yeah, but, uh, Uriel's on his own path now,

and it has nothing to do with our End-of-Days situation.

- So, not very helpful. - No.

- We're fucked. - Very much.

[SIGHS] And only 23 days until Balestro comes back.

Why don't you just kill him?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

I-I did not expect that from you.

Do I have complicated feelings

about the whole "angels are real" thing? You bet I do.

But if I have to choose between Team Angels and Team Friends,

fuck the angels.

Okay, we're happy to hear that,

but we're talking about a celestial being here.

He's a big-ass angel.

And while we're on the subject, can angels even die?

- Of course they can. - Uh, wait.

[STAMMERS] Go on.

? ?

Uriel loaned me his flaming sword

to kill the angel Raphael so he wouldn't kill Sarah.

So I killed him.

Uriel lent you his sword?

Did the job, too.

? ?

Why would Raphael want to kill me?

Not the most important part of the story.

Okay, agree to disagree.

Okay, look, if our only two options

are to die in three weeks or go out fighting,

I choose to fight.

- Big-ass angel. - The bigger they are...

- Won't be easy. - Is it ever?

[SIGHS]

What the hell? Let's kill Balestro.

Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

That celestial motherfucker.

[SOFT REFLECTIVE MUSIC]

? ?

[SIGHS]

? ?

[DOOR OPENS]

? ?

- You all packed up? - Yeah.

- Time to go. - Um, just one more thing before we do.

Sure. Take all the time you need.

? ?

[TOBIAS BREGAR'S "HOW'S IT BEEN"]

? You won't go ?

? Lightly ?

? ?

? But I woke up ?

? Smiling ?

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