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Previously on "Reginald the Vampire"...
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Don't you think it's about time
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for you to sit on your throne?
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Look, I'll do it.
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I ran away from a church
that worshipped angels.
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This is perfection.
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What did I tell you about
being a pompous asshole?
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Let's take it slow.
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- Top of the morning!
- Have you guys met?
10
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[ELECTRIC ZAPPING]
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I needed time, but I didn't get it.
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Can't we be friends?
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I've been having these weird dreams.
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You are a mistake that
requires correction.
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[SCREAMING]
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[GASPING]
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[EXHALES DEEPLY] What the f...
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[TENSE MUSIC]
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- Something terrible is coming.
- It's just a dream, okay?
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A subconscious rendering
of everyday worries.
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Or something terrible is coming.
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I was burned alive.
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Okay, Reggie, it's your first
vampire Council meeting, okay?
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You're bound to be a little bit nervous.
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Burned alive
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by a CEO, a nun, and my dad.
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And none of them walk into a bar.
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[BREATHING SHAKILY] This isn't nerves.
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It's a premonition, a bad one.
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Okay, okay.
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Let's say that you're right, okay,
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and something terrible is coming.
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- Like what?
- I don't know.
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But it's heading in my
direction, I can tell.
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? ?
36
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[MEAT SIZZLING]
37
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[BRAKES CREAK]
38
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[ENGINE SHUTS OFF]
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- Angela Hibbert?
- Yeah.
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[CAN CLATTERS]
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Listen to me.
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[DISEMBODIED WHISPERING]
Listen, listen, listen.
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Why don't you stay a while?
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[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
45
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? ?
46
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[SIGHS]
47
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? ?
48
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[SIGHS]
49
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I miss nice things.
50
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[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
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Drink?
52
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? ?
53
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I'm thinking sports coat and suspenders
54
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for a bit of formality
and then jeans for comfort.
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Thoughts?
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No.
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It's our first Council meeting.
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- I wanna impress.
- I made a mistake.
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I can't be deacon.
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But for all intents and purposes
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and ridiculous ceremonial hats, you are.
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Look, Reggie.
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Taking the throne is against
everything I've ever stood for.
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I hate politics.
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I hate politicians.
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I used to fight against
the establishment.
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[CHUCKLES] And now you
are the establishment.
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Take that back.
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Dude, if you want to be Batman,
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you need to be Bruce Wayne too, okay?
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We have a plan, remember?
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Change the vampire species
into something better...
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more diverse, more inclusive.
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Also, fewer shallow, vain assholes.
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But can we?
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Yes.
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And as your newly-appointed hand,
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I will be right there
with you with my big brain
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to help you every step of the way.
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Yeah, Reggie, you will be. [LAUGHS]
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And look, with your smarts,
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you could not only help
me make the changes,
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you could make them yourself.
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A-and I'll sign off on them.
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No, no, no.
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You dethroned Logan
the Eternally Absent.
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This is your chance
to create a new world.
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What if I don't want to?
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I say this with love, Maurice.
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Tough shit. This
meeting, it's happening.
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And from what I remember
about vampire proceedings,
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they are boringly predictable,
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which means every Council
member will be there
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to worship your every
move and do your bidding.
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You think?
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You're gonna get sworn in,
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I'm gonna read the minutes
from the last meeting, useless,
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and then we're gonna go
over your agenda for the day.
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I have an agenda?
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Dude, vampires love
Robert's Rules of Order.
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[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
102
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? ?
103
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So sports jacket, right?
104
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Or... oh, should I do plaid?
105
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[DOG BARKING]
106
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Got my eyes on the prize, Mike.
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This dream, we're
gonna build it together,
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going on forever.
109
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Nothing's gonna stop us now!
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[CHUCKLING] Okay, ease up, Starship.
111
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It's one thing to be confident,
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00:04:07,766 --> 00:04:09,507
but it's another thing entirely
to think of the Assessment
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as something you can pass easily.
114
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Yeah, but I will,
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because you are looking at
the perfect vampire specimen.
116
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But every Assessment is different.
117
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You could be writing
essays, for all we know.
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[LOON CALLS]
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Well, I've written over
40 reviews on Amazon.
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I got this.
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[TIRES SCREECH]
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What's up?
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I need you to take this seriously.
124
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Being a vampire is complicated.
Things are uncertain.
125
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We don't know what our world
is gonna look like tomorrow,
126
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let alone in a year.
127
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,708
And once you're turned,
there's no turning back.
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I get the perks of being a human, I do.
129
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I just want something a little, uh,
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you know, perkier.
131
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[SCOFFS]
132
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Beautiful day.
133
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- Yeah.
- Sun on your face.
134
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:56,804
You like the sun?
135
00:04:56,822 --> 00:04:57,872
Yeah, it's nice.
136
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,034
[SKIN SIZZLING]
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Oh! [RETCHES]
138
00:05:03,514 --> 00:05:04,929
- [GROANS]
- S-stop that!
139
00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:06,865
Jesus, man, what are you doing?
140
00:05:06,899 --> 00:05:08,858
I used to love the sun.
141
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Now it's death to me.
142
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This alabaster skin doesn't tan anyway.
143
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It's all burn and peel.
144
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Todd, do not take this decision lightly.
145
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You're not ready.
146
00:05:20,212 --> 00:05:21,880
What, to be eternally awesome?
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Yeah, I am.
148
00:05:23,249 --> 00:05:25,116
You think being a vampire is a costume
149
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you get to wear for a
forever of make-believe?
150
00:05:27,219 --> 00:05:29,655
No. No, no, of course not.
151
00:05:29,688 --> 00:05:32,591
[SOMBER DRAMATIC MUSIC]
152
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I feel weird.
153
00:05:35,527 --> 00:05:36,695
Why do I feel weird?
154
00:05:36,728 --> 00:05:39,230
Maybe 'cause you kissed
a vampire a few weeks ago.
155
00:05:39,231 --> 00:05:40,566
? ?
156
00:05:40,599 --> 00:05:42,401
Was that a kiss?
157
00:05:42,434 --> 00:05:44,002
Hmm. Weird.
158
00:05:44,036 --> 00:05:46,271
I, uh, don't remember it that way.
159
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? ?
160
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,342
Wh... [SCOFFS]
161
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[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
162
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K-nock, k-nock.
163
00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:59,785
Oh, no, thank you.
164
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,720
I said, knock, knock.
165
00:06:01,753 --> 00:06:03,255
Uh, okay.
166
00:06:03,256 --> 00:06:04,322
Who... who's there?
167
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:05,924
Iguana.
168
00:06:05,958 --> 00:06:07,226
Iguana who?
169
00:06:07,259 --> 00:06:10,262
Iguana tell you a secret.
170
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- [SMOOCHING]
- Can I get you something?
171
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A slushy or maybe your own table?
172
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No thanks, hon.
173
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We are just getting to know one another.
174
00:06:18,737 --> 00:06:21,273
Uh, which begs the
question, who are you?
175
00:06:21,306 --> 00:06:24,109
More fun than a barrel of chimpanzees.
176
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:27,813
Oh, you want a go at
these old bones, Romeo?
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Then you better come on in my kitchen
178
00:06:29,748 --> 00:06:32,451
'cause it's gonna be raining outside.
179
00:06:32,452 --> 00:06:33,751
- [GIGGLING]
- I'm so confused.
180
00:06:33,752 --> 00:06:35,019
Is this about the weather?
181
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,756
[TENSE MUSIC]
182
00:06:37,789 --> 00:06:39,925
Oh, Maurice!
183
00:06:39,926 --> 00:06:42,026
She's rude and creepy, sure,
but she's just an old lady!
184
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,077
Yeah.
185
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Old.
186
00:06:44,309 --> 00:06:45,443
That's no lady.
187
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? ?
188
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,768
[FLESHY SQUELCHING]
189
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[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
190
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,606
? ?
191
00:06:54,607 --> 00:06:55,673
[SCOFFS]
192
00:06:55,674 --> 00:06:59,311
Behold, I am Altus.
193
00:06:59,344 --> 00:07:03,649
And I bring thee tidings
of disaster and woe.
194
00:07:03,650 --> 00:07:05,316
And some other stuff
that is vital to me,
195
00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:07,727
but not pertinent to
your desperate situation.
196
00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:10,989
Huzzah!
197
00:07:11,023 --> 00:07:13,692
? ?
198
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:16,194
Huzzah!
199
00:07:16,195 --> 00:07:19,331
? ?
200
00:07:19,364 --> 00:07:20,414
Hello?
201
00:07:23,804 --> 00:07:25,457
What are you?
202
00:07:25,497 --> 00:07:27,117
The worst of all shape-shifters.
203
00:07:27,118 --> 00:07:29,004
He's an incubus.
204
00:07:29,005 --> 00:07:31,075
Altus, at your service.
205
00:07:31,086 --> 00:07:33,522
Oh, we met years ago in Chicago.
206
00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:35,557
You were a cop, a
cat, and Richard Nixon.
207
00:07:35,591 --> 00:07:37,125
My favorite president.
208
00:07:37,226 --> 00:07:38,861
They called him "Tricky."
209
00:07:38,894 --> 00:07:41,230
You stole my wallet out of my pants.
210
00:07:41,263 --> 00:07:42,965
Aw, sorry face emoji.
211
00:07:42,966 --> 00:07:44,245
Reintroductions aside,
212
00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:45,933
and I really wanna hear
that pants story sometime,
213
00:07:45,934 --> 00:07:47,735
you said you were bringing something?
214
00:07:47,736 --> 00:07:50,339
Tidings of disaster and woe.
215
00:07:50,372 --> 00:07:52,007
Bingo.
216
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:55,310
It is imminent that celestial creatures,
217
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:58,179
purveyors of doom, numbers
of which I know not,
218
00:07:58,180 --> 00:08:00,249
shall descend from the heavens.
219
00:08:00,282 --> 00:08:02,384
Do you mean angels?
220
00:08:02,417 --> 00:08:04,086
Also bingo.
221
00:08:04,186 --> 00:08:07,556
Harps, halos, and
full of celestial fire.
222
00:08:07,557 --> 00:08:08,890
Something terrible is coming!
223
00:08:08,891 --> 00:08:09,992
Reggie, he's lying.
224
00:08:10,025 --> 00:08:11,360
Okay? That's what he does.
225
00:08:11,393 --> 00:08:13,495
I don't believe in angels.
226
00:08:13,529 --> 00:08:15,531
Not really.
227
00:08:15,564 --> 00:08:17,332
Angels don't exist, do they?
228
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:20,202
Uh, they do, but angels never
leave the heavenly realm.
229
00:08:20,235 --> 00:08:21,670
Not anymore. Why would they?
230
00:08:21,703 --> 00:08:23,205
Enchiladas, for one.
231
00:08:23,238 --> 00:08:24,773
I myself have been known
232
00:08:24,774 --> 00:08:26,941
to pass through multiple
planes of existence
233
00:08:26,942 --> 00:08:29,545
for a braised short
rib smothered in queso.
234
00:08:29,578 --> 00:08:31,212
When are they descending?
235
00:08:31,213 --> 00:08:32,714
I know not one thing more.
236
00:08:32,748 --> 00:08:36,685
'Twas merely workplace
gossip I happened to hearken,
237
00:08:36,718 --> 00:08:40,221
except this is no casual
weekend away for them.
238
00:08:40,222 --> 00:08:43,225
This is cataclysmic for you.
239
00:08:43,226 --> 00:08:44,425
And you're telling us why?
240
00:08:44,426 --> 00:08:47,062
I seek a girl, 13-ish,
241
00:08:47,162 --> 00:08:48,964
goes by the name of Claire.
242
00:08:48,997 --> 00:08:51,165
Being that you're her friends,
243
00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:53,368
I was hoping you might introduce us,
244
00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:55,470
pave the way, so to speak.
245
00:08:55,471 --> 00:08:56,771
Why are you looking for Claire?
246
00:08:56,772 --> 00:08:58,640
With all heaven about to break loose,
247
00:08:58,674 --> 00:08:59,808
I figure it's time,
248
00:08:59,842 --> 00:09:02,978
given our very personal
connection, if you will,
249
00:09:03,011 --> 00:09:04,646
that we finally meet.
250
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:05,781
You're her dad!
251
00:09:05,814 --> 00:09:07,783
Holy shit balls.
252
00:09:07,816 --> 00:09:12,621
? ?
253
00:09:13,021 --> 00:09:14,456
Huzzah.
254
00:09:14,490 --> 00:09:17,292
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
- Uh, ooh, duck, duck!
255
00:09:17,326 --> 00:09:18,406
[FLESHY SQUELCHING]
256
00:09:19,328 --> 00:09:22,498
You, hamster! Stop!
257
00:09:22,723 --> 00:09:23,857
My dad?
258
00:09:23,971 --> 00:09:29,972
? ?
259
00:09:31,473 --> 00:09:33,509
Are you, uh, all... all right?
260
00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:35,510
- Why wouldn't I be?
- [LAUGHS STIFFLY]
261
00:09:35,511 --> 00:09:37,678
Well, an incubus just told
us that angels were coming,
262
00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:39,714
and based on your previous relationship
263
00:09:39,715 --> 00:09:41,650
with at least the idea of them,
264
00:09:41,651 --> 00:09:44,118
I assume you would have
some thoughts on the subject.
265
00:09:44,119 --> 00:09:45,454
I was sure...
266
00:09:45,487 --> 00:09:47,689
no, I am sure that they don't exist.
267
00:09:47,723 --> 00:09:49,291
Okay? They can't.
268
00:09:49,292 --> 00:09:50,691
And I'd be inclined to agree with you
269
00:09:50,692 --> 00:09:52,193
if not for the fact
that a few months ago,
270
00:09:52,194 --> 00:09:54,163
I was 100% sure vampires didn't exist,
271
00:09:54,196 --> 00:09:57,299
and I do exist, and incubi exist,
272
00:09:57,332 --> 00:09:59,301
proven by Altus' shape-shifting...
273
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:02,271
the old crone, the man,
and then the rodent.
274
00:10:02,304 --> 00:10:03,505
Mm, don't forget father.
275
00:10:03,539 --> 00:10:05,374
Yeah, Claire's father.
276
00:10:05,375 --> 00:10:06,841
Why does that feel like the most
277
00:10:06,842 --> 00:10:08,042
impossible thing about this day?
278
00:10:08,043 --> 00:10:10,512
Because she's never mentioned a dad.
279
00:10:10,546 --> 00:10:13,182
It's always been her and her mom.
280
00:10:13,215 --> 00:10:16,385
Except... Claire did say she thinks
281
00:10:16,386 --> 00:10:18,553
Anne is being visited by
something in the night.
282
00:10:18,554 --> 00:10:20,989
Like, an incubus something?
283
00:10:21,023 --> 00:10:22,591
It could explain the...
284
00:10:24,593 --> 00:10:26,662
Man, poor Claire.
285
00:10:26,663 --> 00:10:28,896
You know, you spend your
whole life thinking, no father,
286
00:10:28,897 --> 00:10:30,598
only to have one suddenly materialize
287
00:10:30,599 --> 00:10:31,700
right in front of you?
288
00:10:31,733 --> 00:10:33,635
Th-that's gotta be disturbing.
289
00:10:33,669 --> 00:10:35,671
As disturbing as angels?
290
00:10:35,704 --> 00:10:37,072
[SIGHS]
291
00:10:37,105 --> 00:10:39,208
Man, I spent my whole life
292
00:10:39,241 --> 00:10:41,243
telling myself that they didn't exist.
293
00:10:41,244 --> 00:10:43,578
You know, that everything
that they taught me
294
00:10:43,579 --> 00:10:46,548
was just a lie manufactured
to manipulate me.
295
00:10:46,582 --> 00:10:49,518
But what if that lie is true?
296
00:10:49,551 --> 00:10:51,219
Maybe.
297
00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:52,421
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
298
00:10:52,454 --> 00:10:54,056
Angels exist.
299
00:10:54,057 --> 00:10:56,557
They're on their way to
Akron, and when they get here,
300
00:10:56,558 --> 00:10:58,727
cataclysm will follow.
301
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,095
Is that right?
302
00:11:00,096 --> 00:11:01,729
I mean, my... my dreams
were pretty specific...
303
00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:03,565
Is that right?
304
00:11:03,599 --> 00:11:04,900
? ?
305
00:11:04,933 --> 00:11:06,435
Yes, Sarah.
306
00:11:06,794 --> 00:11:07,887
That's right.
307
00:11:07,898 --> 00:11:12,903
? ?
308
00:11:13,163 --> 00:11:16,110
Okay, we only have a few minutes,
309
00:11:16,111 --> 00:11:17,778
so we really need to talk about
how we're gonna bring this up.
310
00:11:17,779 --> 00:11:19,615
Bring what up?
311
00:11:19,648 --> 00:11:21,884
Angels, chaos, death.
312
00:11:21,885 --> 00:11:23,187
Did we not meet the same incubus?
313
00:11:23,188 --> 00:11:24,488
Reggie, there'll be no talk
314
00:11:24,489 --> 00:11:25,523
of angels at my Council meeting.
315
00:11:25,524 --> 00:11:26,592
Are we clear?
316
00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:29,027
Reggie, you can't trust Altus.
317
00:11:29,061 --> 00:11:31,697
He's an incubi, and
incubi are notorious liars.
318
00:11:31,730 --> 00:11:33,832
He's the most notorious
liar of them all.
319
00:11:33,865 --> 00:11:35,767
Seriously, dude, if you bring it up,
320
00:11:35,801 --> 00:11:38,031
my days as deacon are
over before they start.
321
00:11:38,036 --> 00:11:40,872
Fine! Okay, I won't bring it up.
322
00:11:40,906 --> 00:11:42,708
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
323
00:11:42,741 --> 00:11:45,677
[ANTICIPATORY MUSIC]
324
00:11:45,711 --> 00:11:48,113
? ?
325
00:11:48,146 --> 00:11:49,381
Our ride is here.
326
00:11:49,414 --> 00:11:52,651
? ?
327
00:11:52,684 --> 00:11:54,353
Really?
328
00:11:54,386 --> 00:11:55,721
- Just do it.
- Okay.
329
00:11:55,754 --> 00:11:57,356
Oh, should we pick up donuts?
330
00:11:57,357 --> 00:11:59,056
"New Deacon Brings Donuts"
would be a great headline
331
00:11:59,057 --> 00:12:01,159
for his first ever Council meeting.
332
00:12:01,193 --> 00:12:02,394
Maurice?
333
00:12:02,427 --> 00:12:03,896
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
334
00:12:03,929 --> 00:12:06,832
Let's say my dad was away on business
335
00:12:06,865 --> 00:12:09,067
or in the Witness Protection Program
336
00:12:09,101 --> 00:12:11,203
or just some guy I never met.
337
00:12:11,303 --> 00:12:13,138
Let's say he was, you know, human.
338
00:12:13,139 --> 00:12:15,873
That I'd understand. But
when a shape-shifting demon
339
00:12:15,874 --> 00:12:17,910
is the father of your only child,
340
00:12:17,943 --> 00:12:19,745
you tell her.
341
00:12:19,778 --> 00:12:23,882
I wanted to tell you so many times.
342
00:12:23,883 --> 00:12:25,783
But telling the person
you love most in the world
343
00:12:25,784 --> 00:12:27,519
that their dad's a incubus
344
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,320
isn't the easiest subject to bring up.
345
00:12:29,321 --> 00:12:31,924
Oh, so you didn't tell me
because it was too hard?
346
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:33,691
I needed to wait until
you were old enough
347
00:12:33,692 --> 00:12:35,026
to understand what it meant.
348
00:12:35,027 --> 00:12:36,595
I'm sure dealing with the news
349
00:12:36,596 --> 00:12:38,963
that you're half-human has
everything to do with age
350
00:12:38,964 --> 00:12:41,699
and nothing to do with the
fact that you're half-human!
351
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:42,834
You're right.
352
00:12:42,868 --> 00:12:44,937
I kept it a secret.
353
00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:48,540
It was my burden, not
yours, but I was wrong.
354
00:12:48,574 --> 00:12:51,276
Claire, I never meant to hurt you.
355
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,378
What about the guy that's hurting you?
356
00:12:53,412 --> 00:12:55,847
What do you mean?
357
00:12:55,881 --> 00:12:58,684
I hear him, Mom,
358
00:12:58,717 --> 00:13:00,052
when he visits at night.
359
00:13:00,085 --> 00:13:01,887
- It's him, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
360
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,789
You've been sick in bed all the time.
361
00:13:03,790 --> 00:13:05,890
It's because of him! It's
because of the horrible
362
00:13:05,891 --> 00:13:07,458
- things he does to you!
- No, that's not true...
363
00:13:07,459 --> 00:13:09,695
Then tell me the truth.
364
00:13:09,728 --> 00:13:13,432
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
365
00:13:13,465 --> 00:13:15,935
I will tell you everything
when the time is right.
366
00:13:15,968 --> 00:13:17,936
Until then, you just have to trust me.
367
00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:19,705
No.
368
00:13:19,738 --> 00:13:21,406
No, he's hurting you.
369
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,760
I know he is. And if you won't
370
00:13:22,774 --> 00:13:25,577
do anything about it, then I will.
371
00:13:25,611 --> 00:13:26,661
Claire.
372
00:13:28,580 --> 00:13:29,630
[DOOR SLAMS]
373
00:13:30,182 --> 00:13:33,085
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
374
00:13:38,924 --> 00:13:41,126
Oh, great.
375
00:13:41,159 --> 00:13:42,494
We're online.
376
00:13:42,495 --> 00:13:44,362
No one really meets in person anymore.
377
00:13:44,363 --> 00:13:45,764
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
378
00:13:45,797 --> 00:13:49,134
[LAUGHS] Thank you.
379
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:51,970
Oh, your accolades are,
of course, appreciated.
380
00:13:52,004 --> 00:13:53,772
You?
381
00:13:53,805 --> 00:13:55,173
BOTH: Us.
382
00:13:55,274 --> 00:13:56,608
In the flesh.
383
00:13:56,609 --> 00:13:58,175
You better be here to
beg for forgiveness.
384
00:13:58,176 --> 00:13:59,611
You brought your own gavel?
385
00:13:59,645 --> 00:14:01,179
We are here to interpret
386
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,416
the previously
established Council rules.
387
00:14:04,449 --> 00:14:06,184
And the first rule is...
388
00:14:06,285 --> 00:14:08,020
- No pets.
- [LAUGHTER]
389
00:14:08,053 --> 00:14:09,354
Cute, LeBron.
390
00:14:09,388 --> 00:14:11,323
Funny, as always.
391
00:14:13,125 --> 00:14:15,961
As you all know, I am
the deacon's new hand,
392
00:14:15,994 --> 00:14:17,863
the deacon who will be sworn in today,
393
00:14:17,864 --> 00:14:19,630
which brings us to our
first order of business...
394
00:14:19,631 --> 00:14:21,533
Point of order.
395
00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:22,968
We call for the removal
396
00:14:23,001 --> 00:14:24,636
of Maurice the Not Yet In Charge.
397
00:14:24,670 --> 00:14:26,104
[SIGHS] Here we go.
398
00:14:26,138 --> 00:14:27,188
For what reason?
399
00:14:30,042 --> 00:14:32,344
- Treason.
- [LAUGHING] That's ridiculous.
400
00:14:32,345 --> 00:14:34,378
Was Maurice not in
league with known rebels?
401
00:14:34,379 --> 00:14:36,481
No, not exactly.
402
00:14:36,515 --> 00:14:38,016
Did he not aid and abet
403
00:14:38,017 --> 00:14:40,084
in the subversion of
your very own murder
404
00:14:40,085 --> 00:14:42,988
and execution of Logan
the Great and Powerful
405
00:14:43,021 --> 00:14:45,123
in order to take his
place on the throne?
406
00:14:45,124 --> 00:14:46,424
Okay, it's hard to argue that one.
407
00:14:46,425 --> 00:14:47,626
Yes, yes.
408
00:14:47,659 --> 00:14:50,261
Then it is without a hint of regret
409
00:14:50,262 --> 00:14:52,464
that I call for the expulsion
410
00:14:52,497 --> 00:14:54,265
of the traitor known as Maurice.
411
00:14:54,266 --> 00:14:57,169
- Stop.
- [CROWD GASPING]
412
00:14:57,269 --> 00:14:59,705
While we'd be the first to admit
413
00:14:59,738 --> 00:15:02,040
to dusting the previous deacon,
414
00:15:02,074 --> 00:15:04,376
I would like to cite the ascensions
415
00:15:04,409 --> 00:15:06,845
of Nadja the Bitter, Yusef the Sniffler,
416
00:15:06,878 --> 00:15:08,279
and Jet the Superfine,
417
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,570
all of whom took their
predecessor's throne
418
00:15:10,582 --> 00:15:12,283
by deadly force.
419
00:15:12,284 --> 00:15:14,319
Is there a point to this history lesson?
420
00:15:14,353 --> 00:15:16,088
Why, yes, there is.
421
00:15:16,121 --> 00:15:18,190
It's precedent,
422
00:15:18,191 --> 00:15:21,058
precedent that this counseling
body duly recognizes,
423
00:15:21,059 --> 00:15:23,929
which I know for a fact,
because I read the rules.
424
00:15:23,962 --> 00:15:27,065
The relevant passage
appeared on page 5,210.
425
00:15:27,099 --> 00:15:28,400
It's a very big book.
426
00:15:28,433 --> 00:15:30,602
- [GAVEL KNOCKS]
- Precedent introduced
427
00:15:30,636 --> 00:15:32,004
and duly recognized.
428
00:15:32,005 --> 00:15:33,604
- Right.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
429
00:15:33,605 --> 00:15:36,675
Release the hat.
430
00:15:36,708 --> 00:15:39,310
Oh, God, not the hat.
431
00:15:39,311 --> 00:15:42,313
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
432
00:15:42,314 --> 00:15:43,314
? ?
433
00:15:43,315 --> 00:15:46,551
[CLEARS THROAT]
434
00:15:46,585 --> 00:15:49,388
Do you, Maurice Miller of Akron, Ohio,
435
00:15:49,421 --> 00:15:51,089
agree to sit upon the throne
436
00:15:51,090 --> 00:15:53,291
of the Deacon of
Americas North and South?
437
00:15:53,292 --> 00:15:55,928
If you do, please
affirm by saying, "I do."
438
00:15:55,961 --> 00:15:57,011
Whatever. I do.
439
00:15:57,012 --> 00:16:00,264
Dude, you can't just
"whatever" the throne, okay?
440
00:16:00,265 --> 00:16:02,266
- A little louder, please?
- I do.
441
00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:04,403
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
442
00:16:04,436 --> 00:16:06,638
Congratulations. You're in.
443
00:16:06,672 --> 00:16:09,975
All hail Maurice, the
Once and Future Fucked.
444
00:16:09,976 --> 00:16:11,842
[WHISPERS] Eh, might
wanna work on the nickname,
445
00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:13,283
but, hey, we have an eternity.
446
00:16:13,284 --> 00:16:14,512
[INDISTINCT CHATTER, APPLAUSE]
447
00:16:14,513 --> 00:16:16,281
Get this damn hat off of me.
448
00:16:17,473 --> 00:16:19,767
Our first order of business,
449
00:16:20,801 --> 00:16:23,137
I have news of great importance
450
00:16:23,729 --> 00:16:26,319
regarding a potential threat
to each and every one...
451
00:16:26,504 --> 00:16:27,739
No.
452
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:30,219
Don't you do it.
453
00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:34,067
Or, and of equally great importance,
454
00:16:34,084 --> 00:16:37,354
is our decision to expand the definition
455
00:16:37,388 --> 00:16:39,290
of what it means to be a vampire.
456
00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:40,369
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
457
00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:41,792
Oh, thank you, yes.
458
00:16:41,825 --> 00:16:45,863
But after thousands of years,
I think we've sorted that out.
459
00:16:45,864 --> 00:16:47,630
Then why does every
vampire look the same?
460
00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:49,800
Present company excluded... me, meaning.
461
00:16:49,833 --> 00:16:51,368
Because of the agenda.
462
00:16:51,402 --> 00:16:53,137
The what now?
463
00:16:53,170 --> 00:16:54,905
The vampire agenda.
464
00:16:54,939 --> 00:16:57,608
Do you know how hard we
have worked to promote
465
00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:02,913
our reputation as beautiful,
smoldering killers?
466
00:17:02,947 --> 00:17:06,951
We have spent billions of
dollars positioning assets.
467
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:10,221
So vampire public relations?
468
00:17:10,254 --> 00:17:12,589
A well-oiled PR machine.
469
00:17:12,590 --> 00:17:13,691
[CHUCKLING]
470
00:17:13,692 --> 00:17:16,125
What, did you think
"Twilight" just happened?
471
00:17:16,126 --> 00:17:17,628
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
472
00:17:17,629 --> 00:17:20,363
Did you think Robert Pattinson
was cast by... by a human?
473
00:17:20,364 --> 00:17:22,333
[LAUGHS] Please.
474
00:17:22,366 --> 00:17:25,803
But the look of a vampire
should not define a vampire.
475
00:17:25,804 --> 00:17:28,304
I learned it's what's inside
them, what's in their s...
476
00:17:28,305 --> 00:17:30,107
I'm bored.
477
00:17:30,140 --> 00:17:31,842
Who are we having for lunch?
478
00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,276
Is this what every Council meeting is,
479
00:17:33,277 --> 00:17:36,347
just talking shallow bullshit while...
480
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:37,815
while a very real threat...
481
00:17:37,816 --> 00:17:39,148
- Reggie!
- Hangs over our heads?
482
00:17:39,149 --> 00:17:40,783
What is your lapdog talking about?
483
00:17:40,784 --> 00:17:42,820
Angels. They're coming.
484
00:17:42,821 --> 00:17:45,288
And from what I hear,
they're not coming in peace.
485
00:17:45,289 --> 00:17:47,992
Angels? Huh.
486
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:52,129
And from whom did you hear
this troubling bulletin?
487
00:17:53,564 --> 00:17:56,634
An incubus named Altus.
488
00:17:56,667 --> 00:17:59,169
[UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER]
489
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,733
But... but he brings tidings
of destruction and doom.
490
00:18:01,739 --> 00:18:03,474
A-And also, I've had these dreams
491
00:18:03,475 --> 00:18:04,674
that make it pretty clear that...
492
00:18:04,675 --> 00:18:06,710
[LAUGHTER CONTINUING]
493
00:18:06,744 --> 00:18:08,646
Okay, so I've been told that
494
00:18:08,679 --> 00:18:11,215
Altus may not be the
most reliable source.
495
00:18:11,248 --> 00:18:13,484
Altus owes me $50.
496
00:18:13,584 --> 00:18:17,354
He owes everyone $50.
497
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,623
He is a liar and a trickster,
498
00:18:19,624 --> 00:18:21,391
and there is nothing he enjoys more
499
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:24,662
than manipulating the easily duped.
500
00:18:26,096 --> 00:18:28,999
But please, by all
means, hand to the throne,
501
00:18:29,033 --> 00:18:31,001
tell us of this, uh... [SCOFFS]
502
00:18:31,035 --> 00:18:33,404
[LAUGHING] This coming apocalypse.
503
00:18:33,437 --> 00:18:35,372
[BOTH SNICKERING]
504
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:36,707
Oh, how droll.
505
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:39,176
[LAUGHTER]
506
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:40,911
Ah, stupid.
507
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:43,881
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
508
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,983
? ?
509
00:18:46,016 --> 00:18:48,185
[YELLING] What the fuck?
510
00:18:51,188 --> 00:18:54,191
Are you fucking kidding me?
511
00:18:54,225 --> 00:18:57,027
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
512
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:03,566
Aren't you supposed to be at
a big meeting or something?
513
00:19:03,567 --> 00:19:05,569
Oh, we're, uh, on break.
514
00:19:07,705 --> 00:19:10,274
So... dad.
515
00:19:10,307 --> 00:19:12,009
Pretty cool dude, am I right?
516
00:19:12,042 --> 00:19:15,613
I'm still hoping it's a super
elaborate practical joke.
517
00:19:15,646 --> 00:19:18,449
Claire, we're talking
about your father here.
518
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:21,084
If Anne really wanted to create
the illusion of a fake dad,
519
00:19:21,085 --> 00:19:22,619
why wouldn't she shoot for the stars?
520
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:26,290
Why not a Hollywood movie
star or, like, a NFL player?
521
00:19:26,323 --> 00:19:29,360
Why some crazy story about an incubus,
522
00:19:29,361 --> 00:19:30,994
no matter how charming he may be?
523
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:33,063
Good point.
524
00:19:33,097 --> 00:19:34,765
Maybe it's mind control.
525
00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:36,433
[LAUGHS]
526
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,602
Incubi don't do that.
527
00:19:38,603 --> 00:19:40,136
Okay, maybe he's glamouring her.
528
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:42,306
[LAUGHING]
529
00:19:42,339 --> 00:19:44,275
Incubi don't do glamouring,
530
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:46,143
except for their ability to seduce.
531
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:48,611
And don't get me wrong, they
are masterful at seduction.
532
00:19:48,612 --> 00:19:50,314
Gross.
533
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,981
Your mother chose him for
all things large and small.
534
00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:53,284
[LAUGHS]
535
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:55,553
Besides, she's a very intelligent woman
536
00:19:55,554 --> 00:19:57,320
more than capable of
making her own decisions,
537
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,123
especially when it comes to love.
538
00:19:59,124 --> 00:20:01,591
Love? Please, he's been a
deadbeat dad for 13 years,
539
00:20:01,592 --> 00:20:03,427
and now he shows up?
540
00:20:03,460 --> 00:20:06,564
Well, maybe he's been around,
and you just didn't know.
541
00:20:06,597 --> 00:20:07,932
That's possible.
542
00:20:07,933 --> 00:20:09,866
Or they just decided
to keep him a secret.
543
00:20:09,867 --> 00:20:10,934
Whose side are you on?
544
00:20:10,935 --> 00:20:12,636
[SIGHS] I'm just saying,
545
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:15,306
if my absentee father came into my life,
546
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:16,941
I would try to get to know him.
547
00:20:16,942 --> 00:20:19,342
Wouldn't it be great if you
woke up one Father's Day,
548
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:22,580
and you went... [GASPS]
I have one of those!
549
00:20:22,613 --> 00:20:24,248
But he's hurting my mom.
550
00:20:24,281 --> 00:20:26,016
Nonsense! He would never.
551
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,985
Okay, how would you know?
552
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,987
Well... [SIGHS]
553
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:32,456
Listen, kid, I think if
you got to know Altus,
554
00:20:32,489 --> 00:20:34,925
you'd realize that he's very kind,
555
00:20:34,959 --> 00:20:37,861
not to mention wicked smart
and pretty easy on the eyes.
556
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,562
- I don't mean to brag.
- Wait, what do you mean,
557
00:20:39,563 --> 00:20:41,031
you don't mean to brag?
558
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:43,200
Uh, slip of the tongue.
What I meant was...
559
00:20:43,234 --> 00:20:44,665
wh-what I'm trying to say is...
560
00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:46,872
- Altus?
- [LAUGHING NERVOUSLY] Who, moi?
561
00:20:46,904 --> 00:20:48,939
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
562
00:20:51,809 --> 00:20:53,944
- That hurt.
- I hope so, dick.
563
00:20:53,978 --> 00:20:55,212
Call me Dad.
564
00:20:55,246 --> 00:20:56,566
You tried to manipulate me.
565
00:20:56,614 --> 00:20:58,883
I know. It's like
we're a real family now.
566
00:20:58,916 --> 00:21:00,951
- Next stop, therapy.
- Admit it.
567
00:21:00,952 --> 00:21:02,418
Admit that whatever
you're doing to my mother,
568
00:21:02,419 --> 00:21:03,621
it's hurting her.
569
00:21:03,654 --> 00:21:05,022
I can't admit that.
570
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:06,724
It isn't true.
571
00:21:06,757 --> 00:21:09,059
[SNAPS FINGERS] Leave now.
572
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:11,227
This is my Slushy Shack,
and I want you out of here.
573
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,831
Stay away from me.
Stay away from my mom.
574
00:21:13,832 --> 00:21:15,198
I never want to see you again.
575
00:21:15,199 --> 00:21:17,001
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
576
00:21:17,034 --> 00:21:18,469
Get out!
577
00:21:18,502 --> 00:21:20,070
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
578
00:21:20,104 --> 00:21:21,705
Go!
579
00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,741
? ?
580
00:21:23,774 --> 00:21:26,243
[SOFT UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
581
00:21:26,277 --> 00:21:28,645
Oh, you're here.
582
00:21:28,646 --> 00:21:30,047
- [LOUD THUD]
- [SCOFFS]
583
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,148
I'm okay.
584
00:21:31,149 --> 00:21:33,182
- Your message sounded urgent.
- Yeah, yeah. No, it is.
585
00:21:33,183 --> 00:21:34,285
Um, come this way.
586
00:21:40,658 --> 00:21:42,226
[CHUCKLES DRILY]
587
00:21:42,227 --> 00:21:44,594
Slushy Shack heading in
a different direction?
588
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:47,398
Entrepreneurial seminar tip number 23,
589
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:51,402
ambiance is key in
creating an experience.
590
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:54,371
It is the experience
that makes the sale,
591
00:21:54,405 --> 00:21:56,373
not the product.
592
00:21:56,407 --> 00:22:00,211
So the better the ambience,
the worse the product?
593
00:22:00,244 --> 00:22:01,864
[SCOFFS] Don't slam the seminar.
594
00:22:01,879 --> 00:22:03,113
It was very legit.
595
00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:04,981
The hotel they held
it in had two Jacuzzis.
596
00:22:04,982 --> 00:22:06,650
Proving my point.
597
00:22:10,254 --> 00:22:11,422
A slushy?
598
00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:13,623
Todd, I... I can't.
599
00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:15,693
There is no sales pitch on Earth
600
00:22:15,726 --> 00:22:20,097
that will make me drink this
disgusting blend of sugar and ice.
601
00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:21,432
[WHISPERS] It's blood.
602
00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:22,866
[TENSE MUSIC]
603
00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:24,435
- Blood?
- Oh, yeah.
604
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,704
I... I mean...
605
00:22:26,737 --> 00:22:28,038
[CLEARS THROAT]
606
00:22:28,072 --> 00:22:30,975
Human, AB negative,
607
00:22:31,008 --> 00:22:32,058
your favorite.
608
00:22:32,076 --> 00:22:33,744
- It's wonderful.
- Score!
609
00:22:33,777 --> 00:22:34,879
Ah, man.
610
00:22:34,912 --> 00:22:36,480
Chilled perfectly.
611
00:22:36,513 --> 00:22:39,783
Bright, metallic, with
a long, long finish.
612
00:22:39,784 --> 00:22:41,184
I got a guy who works at the blood bank.
613
00:22:41,185 --> 00:22:42,653
It's not a big deal.
614
00:22:44,154 --> 00:22:45,322
You're still not ready.
615
00:22:45,356 --> 00:22:46,724
What?
616
00:22:46,757 --> 00:22:47,807
Mike, come on.
617
00:22:47,825 --> 00:22:48,875
I love slushies.
618
00:22:48,876 --> 00:22:50,693
I... I want to drink
them when I'm turned,
619
00:22:50,694 --> 00:22:51,896
share them with our kind.
620
00:22:51,929 --> 00:22:53,430
I even have a catchy name for it.
621
00:22:53,431 --> 00:22:54,864
You're not ready, and this proves it.
622
00:22:54,865 --> 00:22:56,634
A blushy.
623
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:58,669
A blood-a slushy. [CHUCKLES]
624
00:22:58,702 --> 00:23:00,004
A blushy.
625
00:23:00,005 --> 00:23:01,504
I mean, I'm working on it still, but...
626
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:06,076
Todd, you still don't
know why or how we feed.
627
00:23:06,110 --> 00:23:09,313
The blood doesn't come in
a hand-cut crystal glass.
628
00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:13,617
What we do is visceral,
messy, dangerous.
629
00:23:13,651 --> 00:23:16,687
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
630
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,489
Show me.
631
00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:21,659
You're not ready.
632
00:23:21,692 --> 00:23:26,497
? ?
633
00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:29,767
The hell I'm not!
634
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,468
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
635
00:23:31,502 --> 00:23:33,671
- Mike, come on.
- Eh.
636
00:23:33,704 --> 00:23:35,105
Just hear me out.
637
00:23:35,139 --> 00:23:37,775
? ?
638
00:23:37,808 --> 00:23:39,376
It's 300 calories.
639
00:23:39,410 --> 00:23:41,378
That's 20 minutes on the Peloton.
640
00:23:41,412 --> 00:23:48,452
? ?
641
00:23:48,485 --> 00:23:49,535
I should tell them.
642
00:23:49,587 --> 00:23:50,637
They're my friends.
643
00:23:50,654 --> 00:23:52,156
They deserve to know.
644
00:23:52,189 --> 00:23:53,324
I wish I was taller.
645
00:23:53,325 --> 00:23:54,591
What if I'm stuck like this?
646
00:23:54,592 --> 00:23:56,293
What if I'm done growing?
647
00:23:56,327 --> 00:23:59,596
Mmm. Slushy good.
648
00:23:59,597 --> 00:24:03,901
? ?
649
00:24:03,934 --> 00:24:06,070
[STATIC BUZZING]
650
00:24:06,103 --> 00:24:07,738
[DISTORTED VOICES]
651
00:24:07,771 --> 00:24:10,007
Hey.
652
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,743
- What's your sister's name?
- I don't have a sister.
653
00:24:12,744 --> 00:24:13,843
Do you mean my brother?
654
00:24:13,844 --> 00:24:15,246
Exactly.
655
00:24:15,247 --> 00:24:17,247
What's his name if you
are who you say you are?
656
00:24:17,248 --> 00:24:18,349
Levi?
657
00:24:18,382 --> 00:24:19,717
Okay, good. You're you.
658
00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:23,087
Pretty much every day. [CHUCKLES]
659
00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:24,521
Claire, what's wrong?
660
00:24:24,622 --> 00:24:26,323
The monster is hurting my mom.
661
00:24:26,357 --> 00:24:28,225
I need him to stop,
662
00:24:28,259 --> 00:24:30,895
and I need your help to do it.
663
00:24:30,928 --> 00:24:33,030
? ?
664
00:24:33,525 --> 00:24:37,504
[POUNDS HAND ON TABLE]
This is ridiculous!
665
00:24:37,505 --> 00:24:39,452
Who has time to hear vampire grievances?
666
00:24:39,453 --> 00:24:40,932
- They're eternal.
- [GAVEL SLAMS]
667
00:24:40,933 --> 00:24:43,039
Your predecessor was only
too happy to hear them,
668
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,526
and he would laugh in
their pathetic faces.
669
00:24:45,527 --> 00:24:47,438
Compromise. How about
grievances are heard
670
00:24:47,439 --> 00:24:48,833
every other Council meeting
671
00:24:48,834 --> 00:24:50,769
to give parties time to cool off
672
00:24:50,770 --> 00:24:52,770
and to hopefully figure
out their own problems
673
00:24:52,771 --> 00:24:54,238
so it'll lessen the amount of grievances
674
00:24:54,239 --> 00:24:55,306
that need to be heard?
675
00:24:55,307 --> 00:24:56,740
- Oh, look!
- [GAVEL BANGING]
676
00:24:56,741 --> 00:24:58,877
Today is every other Council meeting,
677
00:24:58,910 --> 00:25:02,314
and I have a grievance with
Maurice the Inexperienced
678
00:25:02,347 --> 00:25:04,583
and his poor choice in advisors.
679
00:25:04,616 --> 00:25:07,786
This moron has one
encounter with an incubus
680
00:25:07,787 --> 00:25:10,020
and believes that a
celestial attack is imminent?
681
00:25:10,021 --> 00:25:12,057
Do you know what? I have a grievance!
682
00:25:12,090 --> 00:25:15,526
I resent being called a lapdog,
a pet, and especially a moron!
683
00:25:15,527 --> 00:25:18,130
Well, you could be
called a sucker or a slug.
684
00:25:18,163 --> 00:25:19,831
- Will that do?
- Yeah?
685
00:25:19,832 --> 00:25:21,098
Your cheekbones are misaligned.
686
00:25:21,099 --> 00:25:22,149
[GASPING]
687
00:25:22,167 --> 00:25:23,246
- Oh, my.
- Did he?
688
00:25:23,257 --> 00:25:25,808
- Gasp.
- How dare you?
689
00:25:25,819 --> 00:25:26,987
Stop it!
690
00:25:26,998 --> 00:25:29,700
I will do as I damn well please!
691
00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:33,812
[TENSE MUSIC]
692
00:25:33,813 --> 00:25:35,713
I can't deal with this
asshole for one more minute.
693
00:25:35,714 --> 00:25:37,249
You can deal or you cannot deal.
694
00:25:37,250 --> 00:25:38,549
You're the motherfucking deacon.
695
00:25:38,550 --> 00:25:39,918
Start acting like it.
696
00:25:39,951 --> 00:25:41,620
- [GAVEL BANGING]
- Stop!
697
00:25:41,653 --> 00:25:43,188
[GAVEL BANGS ONCE MORE]
698
00:25:43,221 --> 00:25:46,291
- [GAVEL BANGING INTERMITTENTLY]
- Motherfucking deacon.
699
00:25:48,059 --> 00:25:49,628
[BONES CRACK] [ALL GASPING]
700
00:25:49,661 --> 00:25:50,962
[LOUD THUD]
701
00:25:50,996 --> 00:25:52,664
- [CHUCKLES]
- There.
702
00:25:52,665 --> 00:25:53,731
All better, huh?
703
00:25:53,732 --> 00:25:55,100
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
704
00:25:55,133 --> 00:25:56,768
[SOFT TENSE MUSIC]
705
00:25:56,802 --> 00:25:59,171
The deacons that came before me
706
00:25:59,204 --> 00:26:02,207
ruled under the old laws,
laws which compelled us
707
00:26:02,208 --> 00:26:04,208
to live in the darkness
of our own shadow.
708
00:26:04,209 --> 00:26:05,510
Why?
709
00:26:05,511 --> 00:26:06,911
Why are we still such creatures?
710
00:26:06,912 --> 00:26:08,713
Why haven't we evolved?
711
00:26:08,747 --> 00:26:12,150
Well, today, the torch of
privilege gets passed to me.
712
00:26:12,184 --> 00:26:14,286
And while I hold it,
713
00:26:14,319 --> 00:26:18,790
I will fight for all the
things we have yet to achieve...
714
00:26:18,824 --> 00:26:22,861
compassion, tolerance, and justice.
715
00:26:22,894 --> 00:26:26,031
[APPLAUSE]
716
00:26:26,064 --> 00:26:28,166
? ?
717
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,368
There's my deacon.
718
00:26:30,402 --> 00:26:32,571
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
719
00:26:32,604 --> 00:26:34,339
It's okay.
720
00:26:34,372 --> 00:26:36,541
Mom sleeps like a log.
721
00:26:42,645 --> 00:26:45,716
I guess someone robbed a church.
722
00:26:45,717 --> 00:26:47,219
Four churches.
723
00:26:47,220 --> 00:26:49,186
If we're gonna protect
my mom from this demon,
724
00:26:49,187 --> 00:26:50,221
we'll need crosses.
725
00:26:50,222 --> 00:26:52,691
Protection spell to
protect her from harm.
726
00:26:52,692 --> 00:26:55,259
Like a restraining order
on my deadbeat incubus dad.
727
00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:57,094
We'll create an energy field so strong
728
00:26:57,095 --> 00:26:59,397
that Altus won't be able to touch her,
729
00:26:59,498 --> 00:27:00,832
I hope.
730
00:27:00,866 --> 00:27:03,068
Here, salt.
731
00:27:03,069 --> 00:27:05,202
Scatter it around the
edges of your mom's bed.
732
00:27:05,203 --> 00:27:06,773
- I'll set up the mirrors.
- Okay.
733
00:27:08,373 --> 00:27:10,375
I'm hoping these mirrors will reflect
734
00:27:10,408 --> 00:27:14,679
Altus's harmful incubus energy
back to wherever he came from.
735
00:27:14,713 --> 00:27:16,281
And make him disappear?
736
00:27:16,314 --> 00:27:18,783
That's the idea.
737
00:27:18,904 --> 00:27:20,024
Whoa.
738
00:27:20,097 --> 00:27:22,087
Claire. Claire.
739
00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,022
We don't have to do this, okay?
740
00:27:24,055 --> 00:27:26,424
I get it. If Altus is your father,
741
00:27:26,425 --> 00:27:28,526
then we could be severing
ties with him forever.
742
00:27:28,527 --> 00:27:32,063
No, I mean, whoa, what about
my incubus energy?
743
00:27:32,097 --> 00:27:35,533
If Altus is my dad,
then I'm half-incubus.
744
00:27:35,534 --> 00:27:38,136
Will I be restrained
from seeing my own mom?
745
00:27:38,170 --> 00:27:39,638
What if I disappear?
746
00:27:39,671 --> 00:27:41,940
Okay, copy that. We
need to undo this now.
747
00:27:41,973 --> 00:27:43,942
[BONES CRACKING]
748
00:27:43,975 --> 00:27:45,243
What?
749
00:27:45,244 --> 00:27:46,811
[GRAVELLY VOICE] Altus the incubus,
750
00:27:46,812 --> 00:27:48,647
father of my child,
751
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:52,984
you are no longer welcome near my person
752
00:27:53,018 --> 00:27:54,119
and Claire.
753
00:27:54,168 --> 00:27:56,587
[NORMALLY] Honey, did you
754
00:27:56,588 --> 00:27:57,755
really think this was gonna work?
755
00:27:57,756 --> 00:27:58,957
[BOTH SIGH]
756
00:27:58,958 --> 00:28:00,024
- Please?
- No.
757
00:28:00,025 --> 00:28:01,091
- Pretty please?
- Todd.
758
00:28:01,092 --> 00:28:02,661
Mike, don't make me pout.
759
00:28:02,694 --> 00:28:05,897
I am convincingly cute when I pout.
760
00:28:05,931 --> 00:28:07,332
[SIGHS] Okay.
761
00:28:07,333 --> 00:28:08,799
But that doesn't mean
I'm changing my mind.
762
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,269
- Yeah? [LAUGHING]
- Okay, so ideally
763
00:28:11,270 --> 00:28:12,770
you want someone who looks healthy,
764
00:28:12,771 --> 00:28:14,305
unless of course it's a cheat day,
765
00:28:14,306 --> 00:28:16,040
in which case you wanna hang around,
766
00:28:16,041 --> 00:28:17,541
like, a French restaurant or something
767
00:28:17,542 --> 00:28:18,809
to capitalize on the
richness of their blood.
768
00:28:18,810 --> 00:28:20,979
Ah, oui, oui. Whoa.
769
00:28:21,012 --> 00:28:22,297
Hey.
770
00:28:22,714 --> 00:28:25,617
Yeah, and you want someone
whose heart rate is elevated.
771
00:28:25,650 --> 00:28:27,586
It'll get the blood pumping faster.
772
00:28:27,619 --> 00:28:30,522
[CHUCKLING] Wait, so joggers
are literally fast food?
773
00:28:30,555 --> 00:28:31,823
This is serious stuff.
774
00:28:31,857 --> 00:28:33,425
But yeah.
775
00:28:33,525 --> 00:28:36,361
Here, hold this.
776
00:28:36,523 --> 00:28:37,629
See you up there.
777
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,631
? ?
778
00:28:39,664 --> 00:28:41,433
[GASPS SOFTLY]
779
00:28:41,533 --> 00:28:43,368
Man, that is so cool.
780
00:28:43,468 --> 00:28:46,338
[SQUELCHING, MIKE PANTING]
781
00:28:46,371 --> 00:28:49,508
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
782
00:28:49,541 --> 00:28:51,977
? ?
783
00:28:52,010 --> 00:28:53,512
Oh.
784
00:28:53,545 --> 00:28:57,949
? ?
785
00:28:57,983 --> 00:29:00,352
I remember.
786
00:29:00,385 --> 00:29:07,491
? ?
787
00:29:07,492 --> 00:29:09,227
To improve the vampire species,
788
00:29:09,261 --> 00:29:11,363
we have some initial proposals.
789
00:29:11,396 --> 00:29:13,999
I know it'll be very hard, but I believe
790
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,232
this is the best way
for us to move forward.
791
00:29:15,233 --> 00:29:16,601
Oh!
792
00:29:17,235 --> 00:29:18,403
[HUFFS]
793
00:29:18,503 --> 00:29:19,838
You bastard.
794
00:29:21,339 --> 00:29:25,544
Now, enough of this
blah, blah, blah, blah.
795
00:29:25,577 --> 00:29:29,314
As per the agenda and the
rules by which we abide,
796
00:29:29,347 --> 00:29:32,417
it is time for the event we
have all been waiting for.
797
00:29:32,418 --> 00:29:33,448
- [APPLAUSE]
- Wait, what event?
798
00:29:33,449 --> 00:29:34,632
I have no idea.
799
00:29:34,633 --> 00:29:36,086
Reggie, I thought you
read all the books.
800
00:29:36,087 --> 00:29:39,424
Not every rule is written, nerds.
801
00:29:39,425 --> 00:29:41,525
It is customary that at
the first Council meeting
802
00:29:41,526 --> 00:29:44,763
of a new deacon... yes,
even yours, Maurice...
803
00:29:44,796 --> 00:29:47,399
there shall be, for our entertainment,
804
00:29:47,432 --> 00:29:48,667
an execution!
805
00:29:48,668 --> 00:29:49,900
- Wait.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
806
00:29:49,901 --> 00:29:51,035
No, no, tell me that's not a real thing.
807
00:29:51,036 --> 00:29:52,737
It... it might be a thing.
808
00:29:52,771 --> 00:29:55,106
Oh, it is a thing, yes.
809
00:29:55,140 --> 00:29:56,942
A prisoner has been chosen
810
00:29:56,975 --> 00:29:58,777
and... krrt... condemned
811
00:29:58,810 --> 00:30:01,680
and will be put to
death, as is tradition.
812
00:30:01,713 --> 00:30:03,515
Wh-what prisoner?
813
00:30:03,548 --> 00:30:07,052
- Bring in the condemned!
- [DOOR OPENS]
814
00:30:07,085 --> 00:30:08,920
Ooh!
815
00:30:08,954 --> 00:30:11,923
[TENSE MUSIC]
816
00:30:11,957 --> 00:30:16,228
? ?
817
00:30:16,261 --> 00:30:17,629
[IMITATES DRUM ROLL]
818
00:30:17,662 --> 00:30:19,197
? ?
819
00:30:19,231 --> 00:30:21,199
Et voil�!
820
00:30:21,233 --> 00:30:22,901
[CROWD JEERING]
821
00:30:22,934 --> 00:30:24,803
Shit?
822
00:30:24,836 --> 00:30:26,638
ALL: Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!
823
00:30:26,671 --> 00:30:28,073
Uh...
824
00:30:28,100 --> 00:30:29,914
ALL: Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!
825
00:30:31,364 --> 00:30:34,058
ALL: [CHANTING] Blood!
Blood! Blood! Blood!
826
00:30:34,059 --> 00:30:36,726
You really think you've got
the guts to sever this neck?
827
00:30:36,727 --> 00:30:38,162
Not a chance.
828
00:30:38,195 --> 00:30:39,496
Angie, shut up,
829
00:30:39,497 --> 00:30:40,663
or I'll have you gagged.
830
00:30:40,664 --> 00:30:43,267
Ooh, Maurice, you flirt.
831
00:30:43,268 --> 00:30:45,368
Angela has already been
demoted and punished.
832
00:30:45,369 --> 00:30:46,603
What are her charges?
833
00:30:46,637 --> 00:30:49,039
She glamoured a delivery boy
834
00:30:49,072 --> 00:30:50,607
in direct contravention
835
00:30:50,641 --> 00:30:54,044
of a Council order banning
supernatural agency.
836
00:30:54,077 --> 00:30:57,114
- I was hungry.
- She glamoured her human lover
837
00:30:57,115 --> 00:30:59,682
to remember everything she
had glamoured her to forget,
838
00:30:59,683 --> 00:31:02,653
a direct threat to us all.
839
00:31:02,686 --> 00:31:04,388
Okay, well, I was in love.
840
00:31:04,421 --> 00:31:07,724
ALL: Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!
841
00:31:07,725 --> 00:31:09,058
We're not really
considering this, are we?
842
00:31:09,059 --> 00:31:12,629
Of course not, but I need
you to find a way out of it.
843
00:31:12,663 --> 00:31:14,298
- On it.
- Boop!
844
00:31:14,331 --> 00:31:18,135
- What if I can't?
- I guess I'll just have to kill them all.
845
00:31:18,168 --> 00:31:19,569
I'm down with that plan.
846
00:31:19,570 --> 00:31:21,171
ALL: Blood! Blood! Blood!
847
00:31:21,172 --> 00:31:22,605
Eh-eh-eh! You put
that back, you cretin!
848
00:31:22,606 --> 00:31:23,874
It's personal.
849
00:31:23,907 --> 00:31:25,042
Got it.
850
00:31:25,075 --> 00:31:26,343
What is it?
851
00:31:26,376 --> 00:31:29,079
- A loophole.
- Hold up.
852
00:31:29,112 --> 00:31:31,148
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
853
00:31:31,181 --> 00:31:33,183
A loophole, bitch.
854
00:31:33,217 --> 00:31:35,986
Crosses? [CHUCKLES]
855
00:31:36,019 --> 00:31:38,369
If you really wanted to
keep your father away,
856
00:31:38,370 --> 00:31:40,089
you could have just put on a clown mask.
857
00:31:40,090 --> 00:31:42,359
He's terrified of clowns.
858
00:31:42,392 --> 00:31:45,262
So he really is my father?
859
00:31:45,295 --> 00:31:48,365
Yeah. Well, that doesn't
have to be a bad thing.
860
00:31:48,398 --> 00:31:51,268
Maybe you just need to get to know him.
861
00:31:51,301 --> 00:31:53,103
The few hours I've known him,
862
00:31:53,136 --> 00:31:56,206
he's appeared to me
as a fairy-tale witch,
863
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,742
a hamster, and my best friend,
864
00:31:58,775 --> 00:32:02,412
so introductions are
not his strong suit.
865
00:32:02,446 --> 00:32:04,448
He gets nervous around you.
866
00:32:04,548 --> 00:32:06,016
He always did.
867
00:32:06,049 --> 00:32:07,384
What do you mean "always"?
868
00:32:07,417 --> 00:32:10,787
He's visited in other forms.
869
00:32:10,821 --> 00:32:12,222
Remember that sweet old man
870
00:32:12,256 --> 00:32:15,025
who lived next door for a few months?
871
00:32:15,058 --> 00:32:16,760
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
872
00:32:16,761 --> 00:32:17,994
The guy who taught me
how to play checkers?
873
00:32:17,995 --> 00:32:19,963
- Mm-hmm.
- [SCOFFS]
874
00:32:19,997 --> 00:32:23,634
So how did you two get together?
875
00:32:23,667 --> 00:32:25,702
I was having one of these clich� days
876
00:32:25,736 --> 00:32:27,871
where everything was going wrong.
877
00:32:27,905 --> 00:32:30,374
To cheer myself up, I
went for lunch in the park.
878
00:32:30,375 --> 00:32:32,742
And in the middle of my
mundane ham and cheese sandwich,
879
00:32:32,743 --> 00:32:34,912
I just started to cry.
880
00:32:34,913 --> 00:32:37,580
And then this fluffball of
a puppy comes bounding up,
881
00:32:37,581 --> 00:32:39,383
licking my tears away.
882
00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:40,516
So he had a dog?
883
00:32:40,517 --> 00:32:41,919
He was the dog.
884
00:32:41,952 --> 00:32:43,320
- Oh.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
885
00:32:43,321 --> 00:32:45,021
Now, was I shocked when
he morphed into Altus
886
00:32:45,022 --> 00:32:46,590
and told me what he was?
887
00:32:46,623 --> 00:32:48,715
Sure. Did I care?
888
00:32:48,965 --> 00:32:52,002
No, because to hell with
ham and cheese sandwiches
889
00:32:52,329 --> 00:32:53,630
and clich� bad days.
890
00:32:53,664 --> 00:32:56,834
I wanted something extraordinary.
891
00:32:56,867 --> 00:32:58,135
[SIGHS]
892
00:32:58,168 --> 00:33:00,170
We couldn't get enough of each other.
893
00:33:00,204 --> 00:33:02,439
And then I came along.
894
00:33:02,539 --> 00:33:04,942
Yeah. But honestly,
895
00:33:04,975 --> 00:33:07,277
we weren't even thinking about a baby.
896
00:33:07,311 --> 00:33:10,080
The child of a human and an incubus?
897
00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:12,416
It's impossible.
898
00:33:12,449 --> 00:33:15,586
But I wasn't impossible.
899
00:33:15,587 --> 00:33:17,720
You should have seen
his face when I told him.
900
00:33:17,721 --> 00:33:20,123
Was he happy?
901
00:33:20,157 --> 00:33:22,558
He was stunned. [LAUGHS]
902
00:33:22,559 --> 00:33:24,661
And then he was ecstatic
903
00:33:24,695 --> 00:33:29,266
because our love made a miracle.
904
00:33:29,299 --> 00:33:31,668
[TENDER MUSIC]
905
00:33:31,702 --> 00:33:34,872
And I want him to get
to know that miracle.
906
00:33:34,905 --> 00:33:39,042
And it's important that
you get to know him too.
907
00:33:39,076 --> 00:33:41,645
I can try... maybe.
908
00:33:41,678 --> 00:33:43,313
I know he's a strange father,
909
00:33:43,347 --> 00:33:46,517
but he's the only one you've got.
910
00:33:46,550 --> 00:33:47,885
? ?
911
00:33:47,918 --> 00:33:52,022
The world is a strange
and wonderful place.
912
00:33:52,055 --> 00:33:54,124
Yes, it is.
913
00:33:54,158 --> 00:33:55,626
? ?
914
00:33:55,659 --> 00:33:57,194
Yes, it is.
915
00:33:57,195 --> 00:33:58,594
As much as it pains me to admit it,
916
00:33:58,595 --> 00:34:01,165
LeBron is correct.
917
00:34:01,198 --> 00:34:03,867
It is customary for an
execution to take place today.
918
00:34:03,868 --> 00:34:04,934
Ha.
919
00:34:04,935 --> 00:34:07,204
But only one.
920
00:34:07,237 --> 00:34:09,840
And according to this agenda,
921
00:34:09,873 --> 00:34:12,843
there are two prisoners in custody.
922
00:34:12,876 --> 00:34:16,580
Therefore, it is customary
and according to Council law,
923
00:34:16,613 --> 00:34:18,382
the deacon chooses who dies.
924
00:34:18,415 --> 00:34:19,817
No!
925
00:34:19,850 --> 00:34:21,551
Nice one, LeBron.
926
00:34:21,552 --> 00:34:23,587
Screwed it up again.
927
00:34:23,620 --> 00:34:25,556
Bring in the second prisoner.
928
00:34:25,557 --> 00:34:27,056
- [HUFFS]
- Don't worry, I've got this.
929
00:34:27,057 --> 00:34:29,092
I never asked you to do me any favors.
930
00:34:29,126 --> 00:34:31,428
Maybe thanking me for saving your life
931
00:34:31,461 --> 00:34:34,198
in the last possible minute
would be a nice gesture.
932
00:34:34,231 --> 00:34:38,420
Oh, Reginald, so young, so naive.
933
00:34:38,421 --> 00:34:40,916
Once you realize that
you're an unchanging entity
934
00:34:40,917 --> 00:34:42,785
in an ever-changing world,
935
00:34:42,819 --> 00:34:45,788
you too will be free to
be your most authentic self
936
00:34:45,822 --> 00:34:48,491
and never have to change for anyone.
937
00:34:48,492 --> 00:34:50,158
You know, I have some thoughts, but...
938
00:34:50,159 --> 00:34:52,195
oh, look, here comes the condemned.
939
00:34:53,796 --> 00:34:56,833
According to his testimony,
the prisoner was changed
940
00:34:56,866 --> 00:35:00,169
on his 87th birthday by
a stripper who his, quote,
941
00:35:00,170 --> 00:35:02,637
"stupid brother-in-law" thought
it would be funny to hire.
942
00:35:02,638 --> 00:35:05,575
He chooses not to live a life of a man
943
00:35:05,608 --> 00:35:07,744
who's advanced in age and decrepitude,
944
00:35:07,777 --> 00:35:09,679
a fate he sees as monstrous.
945
00:35:09,712 --> 00:35:11,914
Then why didn't he
just walk into the sun?
946
00:35:11,948 --> 00:35:14,984
[CROWD GASPING] Oh, stop.
947
00:35:14,985 --> 00:35:16,418
ALL: [CHANTING] Blood!
Blood! Blood! Blood!
948
00:35:16,419 --> 00:35:18,688
Yes, but what about Angela?
949
00:35:18,721 --> 00:35:20,990
The rules are very clear.
950
00:35:21,024 --> 00:35:23,159
There will only be one execution today.
951
00:35:23,192 --> 00:35:25,294
Besides, the vampire wants to die.
952
00:35:25,328 --> 00:35:28,464
Who are we to keep him from his mercy?
953
00:35:28,498 --> 00:35:31,267
Maurice, as deacon, will you grant
954
00:35:31,268 --> 00:35:33,435
this vampire's wish
for the one true death?
955
00:35:33,436 --> 00:35:35,505
- Sure.
- And as mandated,
956
00:35:35,538 --> 00:35:37,940
will you grant Angela's
request for freedom?
957
00:35:37,974 --> 00:35:39,175
Damn right I do.
958
00:35:39,208 --> 00:35:41,711
By the power vested in, well, me...
959
00:35:41,744 --> 00:35:43,378
[CHUCKLES]
960
00:35:43,379 --> 00:35:45,281
I hereby order the execution of, uh...
961
00:35:45,381 --> 00:35:46,649
[STATIC BUZZING]
962
00:35:46,682 --> 00:35:48,451
Excuse me.
963
00:35:48,484 --> 00:35:50,224
Excuse me, what's your name again?
964
00:35:50,253 --> 00:35:52,522
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
965
00:35:52,523 --> 00:35:54,056
- [SHACKLES CLATTER]
- What the...
966
00:35:54,057 --> 00:35:56,659
? ?
967
00:35:56,693 --> 00:36:00,395
I am Balestro.
968
00:36:00,396 --> 00:36:03,299
[INTENSE CHORAL MUSIC]
969
00:36:03,300 --> 00:36:04,399
? ?
970
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,235
Oh, it... oh, it's...
971
00:36:06,269 --> 00:36:08,504
it's you, the... the guy from my dreams,
972
00:36:08,538 --> 00:36:10,707
the... the guy who set me on fire.
973
00:36:10,740 --> 00:36:14,010
? ?
974
00:36:14,043 --> 00:36:16,879
Whew, on my first damn day?
975
00:36:16,913 --> 00:36:23,786
? ?
976
00:36:29,525 --> 00:36:31,728
I told you angels were coming.
977
00:36:34,006 --> 00:36:38,434
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
978
00:36:39,407 --> 00:36:40,773
You've been quiet.
979
00:36:42,430 --> 00:36:46,667
Watching someone feed for
the first time can be jarring.
980
00:36:46,831 --> 00:36:48,832
No, it was...
981
00:36:48,833 --> 00:36:50,367
it was beautiful.
982
00:36:50,401 --> 00:36:51,735
Then why so glum?
983
00:36:56,173 --> 00:37:00,844
You know, I'm athletic,
so I'm a little arrogant.
984
00:37:00,845 --> 00:37:03,314
I'm gorgeous, so of course
I always get the girl.
985
00:37:03,315 --> 00:37:04,681
I'm strong, so heaven forbid
986
00:37:04,682 --> 00:37:07,218
I ever actually show my feelings.
987
00:37:07,251 --> 00:37:09,720
You don't have to be
any of those things.
988
00:37:09,753 --> 00:37:12,723
Yeah, well, it's the
life I've been living.
989
00:37:12,756 --> 00:37:16,227
Playing a role with
rules in a society made up
990
00:37:16,260 --> 00:37:17,962
for people like me.
991
00:37:17,995 --> 00:37:20,231
Those rules can't be all bad.
992
00:37:20,232 --> 00:37:22,966
Blonds have been having more
fun since the Middle Ages.
993
00:37:22,967 --> 00:37:24,434
It may look like that on the outside,
994
00:37:24,435 --> 00:37:28,339
but on the inside...
995
00:37:28,372 --> 00:37:30,107
I've been getting smaller.
996
00:37:30,141 --> 00:37:32,443
[CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC]
997
00:37:32,476 --> 00:37:33,911
And then I met you.
998
00:37:33,944 --> 00:37:36,880
Definitely not blond.
999
00:37:36,881 --> 00:37:38,991
You live life according
to your own rules.
1000
00:37:39,016 --> 00:37:41,619
I want that.
1001
00:37:41,652 --> 00:37:44,488
I wanna be quiet if I
feel like being quiet.
1002
00:37:44,522 --> 00:37:48,359
I wanna feel the things that I feel.
1003
00:37:48,392 --> 00:37:50,361
? ?
1004
00:37:50,394 --> 00:37:51,828
I don't wanna hide anymore.
1005
00:37:51,829 --> 00:37:53,209
I wanna kiss my friend again
1006
00:37:53,230 --> 00:37:54,865
if I wanna kiss my friend again.
1007
00:37:54,899 --> 00:37:56,934
I thought you forgot.
1008
00:37:56,967 --> 00:38:01,872
? ?
1009
00:38:01,906 --> 00:38:03,840
Oh, damn it.
1010
00:38:03,841 --> 00:38:05,041
I-I'm sorry. I did it again.
1011
00:38:05,042 --> 00:38:06,143
I just jumped in.
1012
00:38:06,177 --> 00:38:08,279
I didn't even ask your permission.
1013
00:38:08,312 --> 00:38:11,215
[SOFT BRIGHT MUSIC]
1014
00:38:11,248 --> 00:38:18,155
? ?
1015
00:38:26,864 --> 00:38:28,499
I'm free.
1016
00:38:28,532 --> 00:38:31,068
I'm free!
1017
00:38:31,101 --> 00:38:33,204
[CHUCKLES]
1018
00:38:33,205 --> 00:38:34,938
I still don't think you're ready though.
1019
00:38:34,939 --> 00:38:36,407
Come on, man.
1020
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:37,741
Don't ruin a good moment.
1021
00:38:37,775 --> 00:38:40,644
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
1022
00:38:41,712 --> 00:38:43,981
So?
1023
00:38:44,014 --> 00:38:45,850
[SIGHS] Yeah.
1024
00:38:47,885 --> 00:38:50,821
? There's something I was hiding ?
1025
00:38:50,855 --> 00:38:53,991
Um, so you can shape-shift, huh?
1026
00:38:53,992 --> 00:38:56,059
Would you like me to turn
into something for you?
1027
00:38:56,060 --> 00:38:59,330
Anything but a clown.
1028
00:38:59,363 --> 00:39:01,732
I hear you do a swell
old next-door neighbor.
1029
00:39:01,832 --> 00:39:03,067
Ha!
1030
00:39:03,100 --> 00:39:05,669
He was great, some of my best work.
1031
00:39:05,670 --> 00:39:07,237
You were a terrible checkers player.
1032
00:39:07,238 --> 00:39:08,939
- Was I?
- Yeah.
1033
00:39:08,973 --> 00:39:11,842
Or was I just letting you
win in order to curry favor?
1034
00:39:11,843 --> 00:39:13,143
Or was I letting you win so
that I might be able to...
1035
00:39:13,144 --> 00:39:15,112
Altus, focus.
1036
00:39:15,146 --> 00:39:16,614
Right, sorry.
1037
00:39:16,647 --> 00:39:20,850
I have ADID, Attention
Deficit Incubus Disorder.
1038
00:39:20,851 --> 00:39:22,852
[CHUCKLING]
1039
00:39:22,853 --> 00:39:24,387
Well, if that joke
doesn't prove you're a dad,
1040
00:39:24,388 --> 00:39:26,423
nothing will.
1041
00:39:26,457 --> 00:39:28,692
Hey, if you can
shape-shift, can I do it too?
1042
00:39:28,726 --> 00:39:31,228
Truth? Not sure.
1043
00:39:31,262 --> 00:39:34,064
Plus, it's more of a third
wave of puberty thing, so...
1044
00:39:34,098 --> 00:39:35,599
Third?
1045
00:39:35,633 --> 00:39:39,737
But on the subject of
special skills, this...
1046
00:39:39,738 --> 00:39:41,070
[IMITATES ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
1047
00:39:41,071 --> 00:39:44,909
With the fingers, that's
not an incubus thing.
1048
00:39:44,910 --> 00:39:47,010
Mom, please don't tell me
you're a magical creature too.
1049
00:39:47,011 --> 00:39:48,946
Full-blooded human, promise.
1050
00:39:48,979 --> 00:39:50,948
But still very magical.
1051
00:39:50,981 --> 00:39:52,049
Oh.
1052
00:39:53,350 --> 00:39:54,670
Then what's wrong with me?
1053
00:39:58,355 --> 00:40:01,659
There is absolutely nothing
wrong with you, baby girl.
1054
00:40:01,692 --> 00:40:04,128
An incubus and a human making a child,
1055
00:40:04,161 --> 00:40:06,430
that's an impossibility.
1056
00:40:06,463 --> 00:40:09,133
I believe you are
something altogether new.
1057
00:40:09,166 --> 00:40:11,235
You're special.
1058
00:40:11,268 --> 00:40:13,003
Our miracle.
1059
00:40:13,037 --> 00:40:14,738
Okay, guys, stop it.
1060
00:40:14,772 --> 00:40:16,006
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
1061
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,808
She has your eyes.
1062
00:40:17,842 --> 00:40:19,276
? ?
1063
00:40:19,310 --> 00:40:20,678
Well, she has your heart.
1064
00:40:20,711 --> 00:40:21,946
Okay, stop it!
1065
00:40:21,979 --> 00:40:23,414
Seriously. Or I'm out of here.
1066
00:40:23,447 --> 00:40:24,615
[WHISPERS] Gross.
1067
00:40:24,648 --> 00:40:26,350
And the fingers thing?
1068
00:40:26,383 --> 00:40:28,752
? ?
1069
00:40:28,786 --> 00:40:30,226
You didn't tell your mother?
1070
00:40:31,188 --> 00:40:32,590
God.
1071
00:40:32,623 --> 00:40:36,327
Your face, this expression,
1072
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,996
it changed when you gazed at them.
1073
00:40:39,029 --> 00:40:41,765
? ?
1074
00:40:41,866 --> 00:40:43,033
Maybe I have magic, too.
1075
00:40:43,067 --> 00:40:44,635
Why?
1076
00:40:44,668 --> 00:40:47,371
That's a very strange question.
1077
00:40:47,404 --> 00:40:48,772
? ?
1078
00:40:48,873 --> 00:40:52,943
Um, this is what happiness looks like
1079
00:40:52,977 --> 00:40:55,513
when you're happy for someone else.
1080
00:40:55,514 --> 00:40:58,314
There are many variations of
happiness in my experience.
1081
00:40:58,315 --> 00:41:02,286
? ?
1082
00:41:02,319 --> 00:41:04,188
Thank you.
1083
00:41:04,221 --> 00:41:06,657
Sure.
1084
00:41:06,690 --> 00:41:09,059
You petulant children.
1085
00:41:09,060 --> 00:41:10,660
You were given the gift of eternity,
1086
00:41:10,661 --> 00:41:12,896
but you have failed
to do anything with it.
1087
00:41:12,897 --> 00:41:15,533
Other than become
monsters, isn't that right?
1088
00:41:15,534 --> 00:41:17,433
In the beginning, the world was divided.
1089
00:41:17,434 --> 00:41:20,571
Abel ruled the light
from whence came humans.
1090
00:41:20,604 --> 00:41:23,974
Cain ruled the dark from
whence came vampires.
1091
00:41:23,975 --> 00:41:26,543
While humans built a world
of discovery and invention,
1092
00:41:26,544 --> 00:41:29,346
vampires contributed nothing.
1093
00:41:29,380 --> 00:41:31,916
To this day, you're only interested
1094
00:41:31,949 --> 00:41:34,151
in satisfying your unholy thirst.
1095
00:41:34,185 --> 00:41:38,355
Despite eternity, your
lives amount to nothing.
1096
00:41:38,389 --> 00:41:40,424
And so to nothing you shall return.
1097
00:41:40,457 --> 00:41:42,493
We have plans to fix that.
1098
00:41:42,526 --> 00:41:44,595
This failed experiment we call vampires
1099
00:41:44,628 --> 00:41:46,697
shall exist no longer.
1100
00:41:46,730 --> 00:41:49,934
What was made by us must now be unmade.
1101
00:41:49,967 --> 00:41:51,402
Listen closely.
1102
00:41:51,435 --> 00:41:53,370
You have 30 days.
1103
00:41:53,404 --> 00:41:57,174
When the bell tolls midnight
on that day, I will return,
1104
00:41:57,208 --> 00:42:00,911
and every vampire in
this earthly realm will be
1105
00:42:00,945 --> 00:42:02,713
exterminated.
1106
00:42:05,249 --> 00:42:07,169
[BUILDING RUMBLING, GLASS SHATTERS]
1107
00:42:08,452 --> 00:42:09,753
What happened?
1108
00:42:09,787 --> 00:42:12,089
Well, good news, I'm not crazy.
1109
00:42:12,090 --> 00:42:13,790
My dreams were in fact premonition.
1110
00:42:13,791 --> 00:42:14,925
Bad news?
1111
00:42:14,959 --> 00:42:16,893
We have 30 days
1112
00:42:16,894 --> 00:42:19,797
until that angel comes back
and kills every one of us.
1113
00:42:19,897 --> 00:42:21,632
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
1114
00:42:21,665 --> 00:42:23,133
I hate deadlines.
1115
00:42:23,167 --> 00:42:27,538
? ?
1116
00:42:28,570 --> 00:42:33,308
? My, my, my, m-my, my,
m-my, my, my angel lover ?
1117
00:42:33,342 --> 00:42:38,113
? My, my, my, m-my, my,
m-my, my, my angel lover ?
1118
00:42:38,147 --> 00:42:42,651
? My, my, my, m-my, my,
m-my, my, my angel lover ?
1119
00:42:42,751 --> 00:42:45,320
? My angel lover ?
1120
00:42:45,354 --> 00:42:50,025
? Oh, my angel lover ?
1121
00:42:50,059 --> 00:42:52,327
? Oh ?
1122
00:42:52,361 --> 00:42:56,432
? My, my, my, m-my, my,
m-my, my, my angel lover ?
1123
00:42:56,482 --> 00:43:01,032
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