Original subtitles

♪ This little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ This little light of mine ♪

Let me tell you a story. It's a story about me.

My stories have made you cry. My stories have made you shout.

My stories have even made you turn your life around.

But this is a story about how it all began.

Feeling very blessed today.

My name is Taylor Pherry.

Feeling very blessed today. Look how blessed I feel.

Now you've seen my movies and watched my TV shows.

That's okay.

But before all that,

I was what you might call an entrepreneur...

Not it.

A jack of all trades,

a captain of industry.

My baby.

And a lover of fine cars.

By day, I judiciously defend the innocent...

Damnit. Case closed.

While making emergency house call surgeries.

Stand back, doctors.

I am a doctor, and I don't need another doctor

telling me how to be doctoring. Oh, this patient dead.

Then after my luxury hotel and engineering firm meetings,

I make time for some zero-emission food delivery

to keep myself in touch...

Grossmates!

With common people.

Ah, here you are, sir.

- What? This is it? - That'll be $75.

But to truly understand

how I became the entertainment titan,

you all know today, we need to start at the beginning.

And the beginning began with Hoprah Windfall.

I'm a little disappointed that my 27th slave movie

didn't fare well at the box office.

I mean, I'm sure you all liked it, right?

Whatever. Anyway, I still have my show, my magazine.

I have my school in Africa,

and of course, Dr. Bill and Dr. Loz.

But the time has come for me to find a successor,

someone to carry the torch,

someone who embodies the intelligence and power

needed for the betterment of all strong women.

God willing, I shall find my successor!

Hoprah was on a mission,

but little did we know,

someone else was looking to reinspire hope and faith

in the masses as well.

And this is where our story truly begins.

If I rule the world, I do... everything.

Whoo! Drive through to heaven!

Angel 1: Where the hell is God? He still ain't here.

He still ain't answering none of our prayers, man.

It's Sunday, so you know He's gonna take all day.

Angel 2: I mean, He may be late, but He's always on time.

Angel 1: He was on time when He took my Granny.

Oh, you know what? Sometimes, I just have to swear to me.

Good me almighty! Just rolling through the clouds.

This is usually my day of rest,

but, uh, I'm feeling like something.

Hashtag Holy Davidson! Holy Davidson!

I'm coming. I'm on my way.

- Oh, shit. God's here. - Let's get to the meeting.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Y'all better have something good for me.

'Cause you know what? That's right.

G-O-D! G-O-D! G-O-D!

I'm pissed. The hell is going on?

Is that what this is about, huh?

Pitch meeting over some unanswered prayers?

Tell y'all, y'all owe me right now.

Y'all had me watching that...

uh, uh, uh... "Held Up."

The little fella, uh, uh, Jamie Foxx

with that hairline, it was all over the place.

That hairline, that teeth.

- My bad. - Shit, held up my time.

I'mma start snatching wings.

I'm just kidding. You can keep your wings.

For now.

Ching, ching! Ching, ching! Ching, ching!

- Oh! - You know what?

I was thinking that we can erase the Will Smith Oscar slap.

Mmm. - I agree.

- Mmm. Great guy. Great idea. - I like that.

But... but he did, boy, that was a hell of a slap, though.

He slapped three jokes outta that motherfucker, didn't he?

- Dang! - He did.

Come on, man. Come on, man.

Slapped the funny out of him.

- Is that good? - That was good.

- Well, what about reparations? - Mmm.

- Hey, that works, right? - Yeah.

Lemme think about that. 300,000 apiece. Mm-hmm.

Uh, but then after the BBLs, after the Cristal,

after the Jordans, everything, what'd that leave you?

Like $1,700?

Carry the one. Nah, we ain't gonna do that.

So they made it this far, this long, they can do it.

These Black people gonna have to figure out

a different way.

Oh, is that too much?

Is that too much? I just wanted to see how it played out.

How about a beautiful, intelligent female president

next election?

Angel 3: Great. - Go on, with yourself.

I can work with that, but listen,

don't let the house secretary do the hair

'cause "weave" got a long way to go.

True.

I saw where you went with that.

Come on now. Come on.

Hey, you ain't laughing. Don't get cast down.

You know what I did to Beelzebub.

Well, wait, what if we do a Kardashian show

Angel 4: with Tristan and Khloe called "All My Side Children"?

- What y'all think? - That's a great idea.

Oh, my God. Oh my me.

Y'all like that? Y'all like that, huh?

I don't like it. You go to hell!

- Oh, damn. Damn. - Ooh.

No, I'm sorry! It was fat-ass Petey's pitch!

When new angels start falling, I know you need me.

Well, [laughs] I gotta roll. Meeting's over. Mmm.

I gotta go save the world. Alright. Y'all carry on.

Angel 5: That's God.

Hey, Hoprah, what's going on?

What do you mean what's going on? You're not watching my show?

I need you to find someone who is worthy...

of continuing my legacy.

- What'd you say? - You heard what I said.

You find a hero for us women or you're canceled.

And tell Jesus to call me back!

Huh?

It's hard being God, man.

That ain't gonna be no easy task, even for Him.

And so God's search began

for someone who could carry Hoprah's torch,

and empower the women of the world.

But we all know that whenever God gives an assignment,

the devil always tries to get in the way

and block your blessing.

I'll tell you, I don't know who the hell He thinks He is.

I'm going to screw this whole plan up.

This is my auntie, MaDude.

MaDude: Bring your ancient ass down here and eat now.

If God can use her, God can use anybody.

I can't be late today. Taylor coming by.

And I'mma need your help to get this barbecue together.

Bring your old ass down here.

Who the hell you calling old?

Oh, you been sitting here for 10 days.

Well, hell, I was calling your ass old.

You answered to it, is you dumb too?

Know damn well I ain't old. Gee, no.

MaDude: And what the hell you got

all this shit hooked up to you for, anyway?

Hell, I need all this shit.

This shit right here is keeping me alive.

That's my little oxygen tank right there

so I don't have to smell you all day.

Got my little pump over there.

This shit right here is about to kill me.

But what the hell you wanna stay alive for anyway?

Shit, you old as hell.

I ain't too old to know terrible cooking when I see it.

The hell you done made?

Boy, that's some, that's some eggs,

and some chicken and some...

The hell you got a fried breast implant in here?

You ain't supposed to have feathers in the damn eggs.

No way! Look at that.

MaDude: Boy, that is seasoning, you old kook.

That's what that is.

Seasoning my... I ain't seen no, not a Lawry's on here,

not a spec of salt or pepper. Now, what is this?

Got a damn chicken foot up in here. Look, it got two of 'em.

Look at this, look, with the nails on it and everything.

Well, ain't you heard that every good chef put their foot in it?

Oh, Lord, it stink too, just like you.

Boy, I swear I want to kill your ass right here.

I just wanna step on your face.

You know, woman

you a deadly combination

of ugly and dumb equally.

Hell, now, where you trying to run off to

with your little ugly ass dress on?

- Taylor is coming to help me. - Who?

Taylor is your son, now. You know your son...

Oh, hell, shit. You know how he ain't my son. You know why?

'Cause the boy is delicate.

I'm so tired of you talking about your son Taylor like that.

That's my favorite nephew.

Ain't nobody in my family delicate but him.

MaDude: Just 'cause the Black man is educated,

keep himself clean, or well groomed,

looking nice don't mean that he is delicate.

The boy is, uh, eclectic.

He ain't no damn eclectic. I know eclectic.

Hell, Patti LaBelle was eclectic.

Plus, I don't even think he my son.

You know what?

Waiting for the results from Maury.

- He ain't my damn son. - I swear.

I swear. You know what? You should just go ahead and die.

MaDude: Just get it on over with.

Hell, your... your penis done passed away already...

You keep my penis out your mouth now.

Hell, talking about my penis, my penis is just fine.

Long as I got my, what you call it, Niagra?

My, my... The Lavitra.

And Cialis. I'm good to go. That's what they tell me.

Where the hell you good to go to, the clinic?

- Hell... - The ED clinic?

No, I got the libido of a 25-year-old man.

Spell libido. I'll give you $5. Go ahead and do it.

- L... - That's what I thought.

I'm done talking to your old ass. Eat that damn food, boy.

As you'll see, my true life's purpose

had not yet been revealed.

But that all changed the day I was put on the righteous path.

The day my destiny began.

The day I met God.

Ooh!

Man. What should we use today?

Let's see saints and sinners, ooh, that look nice.

I could have swore I seen... No.

Boy, I must be going crazy.

Now, I know I did not leave that TV on, and why is it staticky?

Doesn't I pay the bill? This must be HD.

Taylor Pherry, how am I doing?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Very perceptive, my son. - Oh, my God. Oh, oh, my God.

Relax, relax, relax. Dude, chill out.

Are you really God?

Ah, don't tell me you was expecting Jim Carrey

or something.

Well, M... Morgan Freeman, actually.

You know he play in all the pictures.

Morgan Free... Man, I ain't no Morgan Freeman.

Now listen, you know Hoprah, right?

Yeah.

Well, she needs to find someone

that can empower the women of the world,

and I need your help because my son, you are blessed.

God said I was blessed.

Mmm. Am I highly favored too?

Okay. I have lost my mind. I'm crazy.

Judge Loreal: You, sir, are going to have to learn

how to respect Black women.

Coming in all times of the night,

assaulting her because she found out about your affairs.

But Your Honor, I didn't have an affair.

I'm not even, like, married.

Judge Loreal: You didn't have an affair?

What do you call all those girls from the music video, huh?

I don't do music videos.

So you get 'em on the casting couch?

Judge Loreal: Hit it, then quit it, right?

No, I've never met these women before. I don't even sing.

Well, you're a man that's been accused. That makes you guilty.

Three years. Case closed. Next case.

I'm getting locked up for something I didn't even do.

Court calls Roland Lewis.

Guilty. Case closed. Next case.

But... but I'm a white man wearing a suit.

Get your ass out my courtroom.

Should have a chance to defend myself.

Court calls Darnell Evans and Ellen Evans.

Are you okay, cousin? You nervous?

No, not at all. I'm happy I'm getting a divorce from that bum.

Look at him with those ugly, skinny ass white women.

Just no asses at all.

- Okay, come on. - Okay.

Here we are, Your Honor. We're right here.

Well, hey there, Counselor Fairy.

It's actually pronounced Harry, Your Honor. Taylor Pherry.

Oh, I, [laughs] I always thought it was fairy.

It's... it's called Harry. The P is silent.

Oh, okay. You got that, Mary?

Yes, Your Honor. His P don't work.

I duly noted, Mr. "Harry".

Mr. Evans, who are these women?

Well, you see, Your Honor,

this right here is Karen, and this one right here,

this is Karen, and that one right there, her name is Karen.

These are my publicists from the KKK and associates.

They don't look like publicists to me.

Well, you see, Your Honor,

these are the women who gave me the money

to pay for my lawyers.

That's what white women do. They pay for shit.

- That's all they can do. - Okay. Okay.

Well, after carefully reviewing this case,

I have made a decision.

Your wife who has been by your side since day one.

Day one.

She put you through college, law school,

and stood by your side through thick and thin.

And if this strong woman

can stand by your sorry, no-good bum ass,

then she deserves to get half of all of your possessions.

Half?

I gotta give up one and a half of my Karens?

- Half, girlfriend. - Half?

Oh, hell no.

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Yes, she did ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Yes, she did ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Yes, she did ♪

♪ Judge said half, judge said half ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Not one percent but half ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Not two percent but half ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Judge said half, judge said half ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

Told your ass about them damn cigarettes, I did.

- Trying to kill yourself. - Don't you worry about me.

I'mma smoke as much as I damn please. Hell.

- They my lungs. - Mm-hmm.

That's why I got these little backup ones over here.

Got two brand new lungs in there.

I used to have, uh, a lamb's heart somewhere,

but I can't seem to locate it nowhere.

I swear you the nastiest,

ooh, you just the nastiest, nastiest thing I ever seen.

I don't know why the hell I let you live with me.

I don't... I don't know why.

Because you think you gon' get my money when I'm gone.

- That's right. - Oh, oh, I'mma get your money!

And I'mma donate your brain to science

and then I'm gonna get Moe's money, Moe's money, Moe's money.

Till they find out your brain ain't worth no money,

no money, no money.

You think you got jokes? You know what you gon' get?

You gon' get this gas money.

Take that with you. Take that gas money with you.

- That's what you gon' get. - Oh, goddamn you nasty as hell.

That's all you gon' to get. Ooh!

Who the hell is this? MaDude: That's Taylor, fool.

Look at this boy, here.

6'8" and driving a damn Mazda Miata.

What? He ought to be ashamed of his damn self.

And does he look like a man

that could throw a 10-yard pass to you?

You know what, you gon' pass away

if you don't watch your mouth.

You ever seen a shark belch?

I seen a, a dinosaur belch.

Well, I have and I'mma see it again

if you don't watch your mouth,

MaDude: and stop smoking them damn cigarettes.

Don't you worry about me and my damn cigarettes.

Get my house all messed up.

Hey, baby, come on over here. Oh, that's disgusting.

You ain't supposed to be kissing your own child in the mouth.

- What the hell y'all doing? - That is your son.

- Hell it is. - Dad!

Well, hell, they must have tricked me.

I took my money down, I said, "Look,

gimme two pit bull puppies." Came back with this one.

I thought you were supposed to be in court?

- What you doing here? - We won.

But, MaDude, I need you to come with me right now.

We gotta get to the house.

- Ellen needs your help. - Oh!

- We gotta go. - Well, hell, let's go!

Let's go. Come on. Yeah.

Get your big ass out this house. Now, I can see the TV.

Smell better in here already.

You gotta put on your seatbelt.

Oh, damn, boy. I got my knees up to my titties.

It's the law.

Boy, you better worry about your damn self.

This matchbox ass car.

Oh, you know, I love this car.

It's tiny, sleek and powerful.

Sends a tingling sensation up my spine.

I got a tiny little version of this in my nightstand too.

She do all the good things, works all the areas real good.

You know, this morning, right before court, God told me

I'm supposed to empower all the women of the world.

Oh damn, boy. With all your jobs, God got you pimping too?

I mean, God came to me and he told me that

that he wants me to empower the women of the world.

Wait, what?

MaDude: Boy, I swear something ain't right with you

and we're gonna pray on it.

Oo-wee!

MaDude: Boy, you're going too fast. Slow down now. Slow down!

MaDude: Shit, my wig! - Oh!

- Good God. - Wow!

Boy. You got me out here looking like the Dora Milaje.

You done cost me another damn wig.

Well, use one of mine.

Here you go.

The hell you got a wig for, boy?

I'm a Boy Scout. I'm always prepared.

When God said empower,

I bet he was talking about Ellen.

Well, MaDude, thank you so much

for coming to help me get my things.

Listen, I'm a little nervous. It might get violent.

Oh, that's okay. Violence is my Tinder name baby. Let's go.

Okay, let's go.

If anything goes down, I got your bail money.

Yeah. So I was saying...

MaDude's gonna now take care of this. What the hell is this?

Is this Shaka Zulu interior design?

- You came back to cry? - No!

I bet you when you leave here,

you gon' go tell all the Black women that Darnell ain't shit.

But guess what? You right. Darnell ain't shit.

- Get your ass out my house. - Hell nah.

- She ain't going nowhere. - MaDude, mind your business.

'Cause I'll fight a woman

if that's what your big ass really is.

Oh, okay. Come on Lil Achi. You feeling froggy? Come on, leap.

Okay. Okay. No. Okay, listen. Peace. Let's try peace y'all.

No, girl. Peace don't work. Hell nah. The judge, she said half.

I'm about to whoop her big ass.

What are doing, MaDude? No, no, no.

- And we gonna start right here. - No, MaDude.

Whoo! What else needs to be cut?

- Come on over here. - No, no!

Oh, yeah, this Shaka Zulu shit got to go!

Why would you do that?

Oh, now, what is this ugly ass shit you got on this wall?

This the Monique Lisa? Yeah.

That's a ugly monstrosity you don't want that?

I ain't cutting that shit for you. This TV though.

Look at that, ooh! Why would you do that?

Oh, now, this here. This definitely needs to get cut.

Now look at that.

Lord, I'm gonna pray for you, MaDude.

Girl, you ain't gotta pray for me.

You gotta pray for his ass if he don't get out my way.

- Anything in here you want? - Don't touch the closet, don't.

I need to get some things outta there.

Oh, no! Oh, my. - Girl. What's in this kitchen?

- You hungry? - MaDude, no!

The judge said half, your ass is gonna get half.

Look at that. Damn!

You know, I can't have this, I'm on keto.

Now look here, I might have flunked out of beauty school,

but not before I learned a few tips.

That's right.

- Look at that. Look at that. - Wait, wait, wait. MaDude, no!

I'm the best barber you ever saw.

Ooh, girl, I did a good job.

Hell, maybe you can get you a man now.

Edward Scissorhands ain't got shit on me.

Ah! He's gonna get so mad at me.

MaDude. Wait a minute, will ya?

Now that is what you call a haircut. Oo-wee!

MaDude: I ain't seen an edge that straight

since Meg Thee Stallion.

That's the cops? Shit, I already got two strikes. I gotta go.

Girl, I ain't got time to do your mustache. Next time.

Ha!

Lord Jesus.

When God said he wanted me to empower women,

I'm not sure he meant like this.

- Darnell. - What?

I don't care what the judge says. I still love you.

I don't care that you slept with my sister.

Now I got a daughter-niece.

I don't care that you gave me the crotch critters twice.

I don't care about any of that.

Damn woman. You don't care about nothing?

No, I just wanna have your baby.

You've been my husband for 11 years.

And I've been cheating on you for 12.

- But I love you. - And I don't love you.

- We can make this work out. - No, you gon' be moving out.

How could you do this to me?

How could I do what, huh? Watch out, Karen. How can I do what?

This? Huh?

- Not today, sucka. Yah! - Oh, shit. What the hell?

- All I did was love you. - Oh, no, don't do this.

- I told you! - Why you doing this to me?

Another dead body moving through the oval.

And another one. I was a good woman.

You had this coming, you had this coming.

I can't believe it.

Why you doing this to me?

Help! Help!

I can't... [stuttering] Tsu... Tsunami. I can't swim, girl.

Oh, just stand up, stupid.

Oh! Damn it.

I'm 'bout to whoop your ass.

Empowerment comes in many forms.

I guess.

One thing I can say about my cousin Ellen,

when one man was gone,

another man was right around the corner

and he kinda seemed similar.

♪ Hey lady Do you need a ride? ♪

Where you come from?

♪ The Lord sends me to places I'm supposed to be ♪

I'm an angel.

Why do you sound like a R&B Auto-Tune singer?

You see, girl, this is my regular seductive voice

and T-Pain is my play step-daddy.

I don't get in the car with strangers.

Hold that thought.

Does this body look strange to you?

Airbrushed, maybe, but I guess not strange.

The name's Tallahassee.

Not to be confused with Orlando.

Now, we not strangers no more. So do yourself a favor, girl.

Get on in this truck and let me ride you

to wherever you need to go.

I got nowhere to go.

I swear to God, he try me,

I'mma whip his little fragile ass.

Yeah, come on girl. I got you. I got you. I got you.

Come on. Get up in this truck. Get up in this truck.

Get up in this truck.

Okay.

Watch your bunions, girl.

I don't know why I'm doing this.

Body never fails me.

I don't even know this man.

Alright.

Alright.

Do me a favor,

steer for me, baby.

My name's not baby, it's Ellen.

Okay, well, since you're not gonna do it,

I'm gonna have to go ahead and get my workout right here.

You see most people got guns.

I got dogs.

Okay, listen. My godmother lives all the way across town.

Uh-huh. It's all good.

My godmother live over there too.

I'm just gonna run by my crib right quick

and then I'm gonna ride you all the way there.

- Oh, oh! - Yeah.

Thank you so much for doing all this for me.

Yeah, it's all good.

You know I do have rather large areolas.

- Yeah, they are large. - Yeah.

It might be all those sexy steroids I be taking.

You got to excuse me.

Sometimes I turn myself on.

Are you... You... you... you gotta be kidding me.

Ready to go?

I ain't got nowhere else to go.

You in for the time of your life, girl.

So don't you worry about nothing.

You better make it happen, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Right here, baby. Here's a special drink I made for you.

I drink it all the time. That's how I look the way I look.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- You see I put bananas in it. - Uh-huh.

Most people just use the banana.

- I use the banana and the peel. - Oh, okay.

I also use a little bit of Red Bull. It gives you wings.

I don't, I don't wanna fly.

Yeah, you do just a little bit.

I put a little bit of coke in it without the can.

No, no, no. [stuttering] Okay.

And, mmm. Okay, oh.

There you go, baby. It'll do your body right.

Um, you know, I want some real food,

you know, like Waffle House

or White Castle something, anything.

- Not this. - No, no, no, no, no.

- You don't want that crap. - I do.

You see this here, right here.

It's gonna help get rid of ya lady lumps.

Uh, excuse me. That is not how you talk to a lady.

Uh, excuse me.

But I don't expect we are here to do much talking now, are we?

I guess you right.

You damn right I'm right.

Now we just gonna tighten that up and tighten that up,

little dat. Tighten it up, and you'll be as tight as me.

I don't wanna look like you.

I just need you to relax and trust me,

and let me do my thing. Hands up.

Ooh. Ah!

You like my stick, you like my magic stick, don't you?

You ready for the new you? Spin around for me.

Woo-wee! Damn. I'm good.

Come on and check yourself out, girl.

Come on over to the window and look at yourself.

- Voila. - Damn. I do look good.

You do, but I look better.

- Oh, no. I look better. - Oh, hell no. I look better.

Look at them biceps, girl. Oh, shit. Where we going?

Damn.

You do know my areolas won first place

in the Mr. America pageant. Damn, girl.

Shut up and take it like a man.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I didn't know you was gon' go

all "Fifty Shades of Grey" on a brother.

You do know that's white people shit, right?

Shut your ass up.

- What the hell is that? - My electric toothbrush.

You ain't about to use a toothbrush on my ass.

I'm about to use this toothbrush up your ass.

- No, you ain't. - Yes, I am!

Hell no!

Can't believe she done tied my hair up.

- What you still doing in bed? - Oh, come on. Let me go.

Oh, you want a little more before I go.

No, I want you to untie me so I can go.

- Oh, you been bad? - No. What's wrong with you?

What the heck? Ow! Ow!

- Say my name! - Evil?

- That's not my name. - Crazy?

- That's not my name. - Deranged?

Say my name. Boy, say my name.

I thought you was a Christian.

Helluur. Y'all better eat this food now.

Coming from a family

of professionals and non-professionals,

our family is just like any other.

What you got, Sly and the Family Stone?

If you really look for it,

finding empowerment of women

can even be found at our family barbecue.

Black, what the hell is you doing?

MaDude: I swear to God if you make my meat as black as you is,

we're gonna have problems.

I... I'm trying to make me some crispy ribs.

I am the king of Atlanta barbecuing.

Who told you that lie, mothersucker?

Oh, oh, this how I make my living.

I can tell, that's why your ass is broke as hell

with them Ronald McDonald Socks.

Don't burn my meat. Hey, everybody. Y'all looking good.

You looking good today.

I'mma show you how to do it up in here. I need more.

Whoo!

In Atlanta they make it flame.

- Whoo! - The hell you doing over here?

Oh, Lord. Here comes the Grinch that stole ugly.

I know you ain't calling nobody ugly.

MaDude: You about as pretty as a murder scene.

Well, can you even see them damn dominoes?

Know your ass can't count.

Look, they used to call her lowenbrau.

One nipple was low. The other one had a eyebrow.

Boy, I should have killed you in your crib

when you was born. I don't know why the hell we let you live.

Help! Help me! Help me!

Take this, domino, you summa bitches. Game over.

- Help me! Help me! - You lost again.

Well, look at this crispy nigga over here.

- Help me, help me! - Ain't that something.

Boy, stop, drop and roll, nigga. Stop, drop and roll!

Boy, don't be trying to burn up my grass, now what you doing?

I think you better save that for the meat.

It's hot as hell out here

and he's trying to burn up the grass.

This some good water? Boy...

In the name of the father.

Always doing the Lord's work.

I believe family also means familiar,

and God knows why I'm saying that.

I taste like bacon.

You look good.

Girl, I look great, but I didn't wanna look this good.

- No, why not? - Oh, I look like a hoochie.

- A hoochie mama, for real? - Yes.

I don't think so. I think you're taking it too far.

No, he took it too far. Girl, I actually got hips.

- You do. - And my butt sits too high.

- It does. - Yeah.

And if he think he gonna keep changing my body

for his likings, he's got another thing coming.

I guess God wants me to learn about female empowerment

before I can be empowering.

Hey, Black, now I know as big as your ass is

you know how to make some chicken.

- I do. - Come on now.

I like my chicken without salmonella.

Now are these chicken breast or it's your breast?

Is you slow in the head? Somebody hit you?

Bitch, that is chicken and you better make it right.

Hey, girls, how y'all doing? I'm so glad y'all here, ladies.

Y'all good? Y'all feeling good?

Ooh, sure is a nice day for a picnic.

Yeah, it's all for me, her, her, her. All of us.

Darnell, I know you didn't bring

them ugly ass Karens up to my cookout.

MaDude: Boy, I can barely stand your ass anyway.

You better get them away from my grill.

I seen more ass on a snake.

Come on girls. MaDude's tripping and she's packing.

That's right, you better get them girls

MaDude: away from my damn grill.

Bro. Come on Karens. MaDude: Come on now.

Y'all ain't moving fast enough for me.

Gets it moving. Chop, chop.

I don't ever wanna see, taste, touch,

talk, walk, do nothing with that girl, man.

Man, it couldn't have been that bad.

Oh, it was.

But you have those wonderful abs.

She must've been everything you needed.

- Man, that's what I thought. - Wow.

Oh. Here's... here's my cousin. Ellen?

Hey... What are you doing here?

- This the crazy woman... - This the crazy man...

- I was telling about! - I was telling about!

You left me for dead, girl. Why you gotta be so mean, woman?

Mean? You don't know me.

You don't know what I've been through.

You mean to tell me you gonna make the new brother

pay for the last brother mistakes?

- Somebody gotta pay. Amen. - Hell yeah, somebody gotta pay.

So you just another mad Black woman, huh?

So what you gon' do?

Go home and write in your diary

about your raggedy ass weave?

Raggedy ass weave?

You should be the last person to talk about somebody having...

Girl, my hair is luxurious.

You know what? I got something from you. Stay right there.

I'm standing right here. I ain't running.

- Oh! - I got wet! My waist is wet!

Maybe I'm not the right person for this job.

My abs are melting. Oh no, girl.

You know, it took me all week to paint these on.

- Should've took longer. - Why would you do this?

Boy, stop all that windmilling shit.

Oh, no!

Ooh! My waist is wet.

Well, at least I still got my areolas.

I got something for areolas too. Hold on.

Get him again. He gonna run outta here?

But don't run too far, baby.

You got your abs in a puddle in this grass.

Boy, you better come clean this shit up.

With everything I am, I'm only one man.

Yo "Fairy", wanna ball?

Uh, it's Pherry. I don't mess with P.

We need one more. Get over here. We chests.

I'd love to play!

Male Empowerment.

God never said nothing about that.

I love this game. Thank you, God. Balls! Balls!

Oh, crap.

- Yo, Taylor. - Oh, God.

- How was the cookout? - Uh...

Not really good, you know. My family is...

They, um, they crazy. The shit they get...

Oh, stuff, the stuff they get themselves into.

Well, it's up to you to change that.

I have an idea and I'm gonna need you to commit to it.

If not, I'm out of a job.

Oh, I'll... I'll do anything for you, God.

Great. I need you to become a writer.

- A writer? A writer? - A writer. A writer.

I can't do that, I mean, I'm a doctor, a lawyer,

a... a hotel manager, a badminton coach,

an architect, an unlicensed plumber, a mover, a shaker.

I don't know nothing about writing.

Do you know what a plot point is?

- No. Hell no. - A good storyline.

- I ain't never heard of that. - Your family's crazy, right?

They'll have all the drama,

the comedy, and the horror you need.

You're gonna write a play.

- What? What? - Better yet, a movie.

Include me and Hoprah.

But you can do bad all by yourself.

It's gonna be a box office hit.

W... well, what if I... I screw up everything for the whole world?

Have faith, Taylor, you're on a divine path.

Speaking of which, you better take that.

Alright, that's it. Gotta go. This fellow Putin is tripping.

Hey, hey, hey Julie.

I can't take another minute of this traffic.

It's driving me crazy.

I meant to ask you for a favor at the cookout,

but I got caught up eating chicken.

What can I do for you?

I need a good driver for tomorrow.

Say no more. I'm on my way.

Woo! God be talking his ass off.

First female empowerment.

Now, God wants me to write a movie?

Dear diary, today, I took my mother's advice

and I need spaghetti, sauce, ground turkey meat,

turkey sausage, mushrooms, garlic, oh, and vodka.

I sure hope it tastes good.

With everything I've been going through, diary,

I need some comfort and joy in my life.

Lately, it just feels

like a sad little rain cloud follows me everywhere I go.

Ugh!

Yo baby, you need a ride?

No, I can wait for the bus.

Girl, go on and hop into this truck.

Can't you see the lightning?

I'm fine.

All this rain gonna make your gout swell up, girl.

I can wait for the bus.

Besides, I'm a new woman

and this woman don't ride with certain types of men.

Why you gotta be so mean, woman?

Why you gotta be so nice, man?

Look just get in the truck.

The next bus don't come for about an hour.

Okay, okay. Let me get in.

Yep. Get your ass in, girl.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

- Here, get my purse. - I got you.

Come on now. Come on. Yep, I got you. Come on.

- There you go. Close the door. - Okay, hold on.

Is this what God meant

when he said my family's like no other

or are we all the same like my cousin Monte Carlo?

You girls get ready. Your mama is gonna be here soon.

Hey, come on in.

How is my favorite limo, Lyft, Uber driving cousin?

Take your shoes off at the door if you don't mind.

Oh, as disgusting as this place is, I absolutely do mind.

Why don't we take the floor up?

- Ah! - Fair enough.

So what do I owe this surprise visit

from the most prominent prestigious

lawyer, surgeon and employee in the entire city?

- Well, I've got a job for you. - Mm, you got a job?

- Yes. High paying job. - Ooh!

Make your own hours. I've been calling you. Do you want it?

I gotta say extra money is always needed around here.

You know I got the three kids, maybe two, four baby mamas

and you know, I'm trying to get that chicken

and check cashing place off the ground.

Chicken and check cashing? That don't go together.

Neither does chicken and waffles,

but you see how that blew up.

Oh, you know what, cuz,

I am very, very proud of you.

With three years in prison, three little girls

Not Precious, Least Precious, Not Precious at all

you really got your stuff together.

That's right, you see, 'cause hate put me in there.

- But love busted me out. - Love busted you out.

Tell me about it. Tell me about the job.

Well, her name is Julie. She's a lawyer.

She's an Ivy League attorney. She needs a driver.

And I can give you a car today.

What kind of car we talking?

Well look, I've got exotic cars. I've got a Bugatti.

I've got a Lamborghini. I've got a Porsche.

Wait. Stop right there.

Yes.

You know I don't do exotic cars.

I need something with a carburetor, you know.

- Well, I've got a truck. - Sold.

Okay. Gimme a minute to put on some clean clothes.

Okay, I am ready. Alright.

You girls fix yourself some dinner.

Here you go. That's for you.

And whatever you do, please don't open the door

for any strangers.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Are we sure we want to leave the girls alone?

I mean, somebody's gotta watch daddy's little girls.

Oh, don't worry about that, man. They stay strapped.

Ready for any unwanted police officers. She might not be mine.

Come on.

Bye, daddy.

Again. You gotta stop calling me that.

He's like a movie character, right?

I get Idris vibes.

In my movie, he's comedy relief

and Julie could use some comedy in her life.

That I know.

- Are you gonna open the door? - Uh, you want me to...

Oh, yeah. I just thought you was gonna open it for me.

- Me open it for you? - Yeah. I just, I don't know.

Lemme finish sending this picture real quick.

I... I... I'll wait. It's no rush.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I'm... I'm in no rush.

- Get the door. - Goddamn. Chill.

Please open that door.

Dang, you can be polite.

What's up? Ná#♪á#á#♪á#, you a fool.

If you don't come close this door...

You want me to close the door too?

Open and close the door.

Act like you ain't never closed a door before.

You didn't say open and close is in the job description.

Hey. Yeah.

I can't believe the jury came back from deliberation so soon.

This is a good sign for us.

I bet you think I'm listening in

on your conversation, 'cause I'm not.

I'm talk...

Excuse me, Mr. Carlo? I said excuse me.

Hey, yo, Charlie. Hey, what up with it, man?

Ain't nothing, man, I'm just sitting here,

chilling at the new gig, man.

Hello, hey, driver?

What? Rollo got shot? When?

Just, he's on the phone. Can you turn the music down?

Hey, bitch, can't you see I'm on the phone? That's rude.

I'm on the phone too.

Hey. Who shot him? Who shot him? The baby?

Man, the baby love killing people, man.

This is completely and utterly unprofessional.

Was he at Walmart again? I told him the savings are at Target!

Hello? Hello?

God. Damn. My phone got cut off.

Look, and I need to get to the courthouse.

Relax, sugar tits. I'mma get you there, you in good hands.

- Forget Allstate. - If you don't watch the road.

Hey, keep your goddamn kids off the street.

That's bad parenting right there, man.

I've always said that. - Where are you going?

You need to, to stay on I-95.

Like, w... why are you getting off the freeway?

Oh, trust me, I know how to get to the courthouse.

No, you need to stay on I-95.

Get off on downtown and make a right.

- Well, so why are we stopping? - 'Cause we here, stupid.

Uh...

Next time, I need you to follow instructions. Okay?

- And why am I opening my door? - 'Cause you got hands. Bitch.

You're supposed to be a driver.

Can't admit when you wrong, shit.

Ooh, I'll tell Taylor. Weak ass.

Don't know why I did this.

Goddamn.

God is good. Won't he do it? Mm-mm-mm.

Everyone has that family member

who's always struggling.

Well, Beverly is mine.

If it's not men, it's money.

But this is how she met the Browns.

I mean the Blacks. The Blacks! It's how she met the Blacks!

Oh, good morning, Ms. Mildew.

Don't good morning me. You got my money?

I'll have it for you this evening when I get paid.

Well, you better. All of it, and I ain't playing.

Okay. Alright. Bye-bye, Ms. Mildew.

I ain't gonna have her money.

Bitch better have my money.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Oh, man! Come on. What the hell?

- Stop, stop, stop. - What are you doing?

Hi, whoo! My friend's coming? Can you just wait for her?

No, we got to go. You making me late. Come on.

You know if she miss the bus, she's gonna lose her job.

And if I miss the next stop, then I lose my job. Come on now.

Come on, bro. Just wait.

No, no. Have a seat. Sit down. Sit down.

Okay, okay, okay. What if I show you my breasts?

What? Don't nobody wanna see your silicone breast.

If I wanna see some plastic, I'll reach in my back pocket

and I'll pull out my credit card.

Come on. Just wait for her, please.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Show me the nipple. Show me the nipple.

Goddamn!

Okay. Alright, alright. Which one? Where she at?

Oh, that's her. That's her. Right there. Stop it.

Alright, I see her. Come on then.

Come on, shorty. Come on. Let's go.

Let's go, let's go.

Whoo! Thank you for waiting.

Don't thank me. Thank her nipple.

- Girl, you took forever. - Good lord, Jesus.

Beverly is like every other lead in the movie.

She's likable.

Thank you. I appreciate you.

Like Angela Bassett.

I appreciate you now.

- Ooh, girl. - Girl, that was crazy.

You are always looking out for me.

- You know I got you. - You crazy, but you my girl.

You made sure I'm straight. You check on my baby.

- I even show my breast, girl. - You got my, oh, you did what?

Yes.

What the hell is going on here?

Man 1: I need all of you to vacate the premises.

The first time I'm on time to work and then this shit happens.

- We don't know what's going on. - Place is closed.

What do you mean the place is closed?

How? I just met with the Browns last night.

Plus, they are super nice people.

I don't think they're gonna close down without telling us.

COVID Infinity. Place is closed until further notice.

Go home. You're making me work.

I didn't even get my last check.

I didn't get mine either.

- Go home. - What?

Man 1: Let's go, everyone. You're interrupting my lunch.

What am I gonna do? I owe Ms. Mildew.

If I don't pay her, she gonna put my Kiki out on the street

to pay her her money back.

I mean, why don't you ask your son's father?

He owes you over $80,000 in back child support.

- Wait, how do you know that? - He told me last night.

Wait, you didn't know he was hitting this?

I be screaming your name every night.

Oh, you're so sweet, but I do need that money.

Oh, but he's gonna kill me if I ask him for it.

I'm gonna ask him for you

because he don't ever say no to me.

Okay.

- Got you, girl. - Well, let's go get this money.

Let's go get it, girl.

Okay, I'm gonna be strong. This is his kid too.

Beverly! What the hell are you doing here?

I thought I told you I ain't got no money for you

or them ugly ass kids. Now get on!

Scat!

Hey, Shirley, baby. What's going on?

- Michael, baby, how are you? - I'm doing fine.

Yes, you know, Michael.

She really, really needs her child support money.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Is that what she needs? - Yeah.

Why don't you just like, help her?

If you ask, then it's yours. Okay? Yeah.

Oh, thank you so much, Michael.

We really need it, the kids need ramen, they need Cheetos...

- I was talking to her. - But...

Not you! I ain't got no goddamn money.

I am working my ass off securing this empty ass spot.

Working for a ass-hole boss that I can't stand,

on three hours of sleep. Why?

Because I am trying to make a better life for myself.

That's what's wrong with you Black mothers.

You lazy. You don't wanna work.

I am not lazy, Michael. I do work.

Nah, you lazy as hell.

See, I told you don't have that damn baby.

But here you come trying to mess up my expensive lifestyle

with your needs. Hell no!

Way to go, Michael. I'm giving you a raise.

Oh! You hear that?

More money for you to do nothing with.

Nothing.

- Come on, man. - Deuces.

I'm gonna buy you an ice cold glass of water.

I got something for your ass.

Oh, you dirty mother...

Oh, shit.

God says my family's like a movie.

Then it must be, right? God's never wrong.

And if God's not wrong, then Beverly could be a star.

Look, this all started because of Trump.

Now how did he become president?

Angel 6: That's a good question.

Hey, wasn't on me. That wasn't me.

I mean, I... I... I never answered his prayer.

- You're right. You're right. - I did give him the voice.

It's a lot of great people on both sides.

Lots of great people on both sides. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Fake angels. Fake angels.

You like that?

Toast me.

We have comedy and drama,

and I know about my cousin.

Julie might even be his type.

Mm, mm, mm How'd it go?

This motherfucker. I guess I'll let myself in.

- Ooh, she's pretty. - Is she gonna be our new mama?

How did they get in my car?

Look, I gotta take these kids to they mama house.

Unless you wanna roll around with them all day.

Then I gotta go pick up the 3-year-old from the dentist

'cause she's getting her wisdom teeth pulled.

If you don't take these kids home and drop me off...

- I have a date tonight. - Okay. Gonna get to your date.

Okay. Come on. Come on, come on.

There we go. Ha!

Alright, now listen girls,

no matter what anybody tells you,

you might not be daddy's little girls.

Off you go.

You ain't slick.

And next time you come out here,

you better not have no kids with you!

Gimme my goddamn money! Bye, bitch!

Get y'all asses in the house.

Now one thing I've learned about my friend Julie,

when it comes to men, she has a type, the wrong type.

Girl, Now you know I don't like blind dates,

but last time I went on a blind date,

we met at the movies and afterwards,

he started handing out "Watchtower" pamphlets.

Come to find out he is a Jehovah Witness.

I'm not that desperate.

Okay, maybe I am. Lemme call you back.

- I'm Rob. - Hi.

- You are beautiful. - Thank you.

So what do you do?

I am a district attorney. I try cases.

- What kind of cases? - Anything assigned to me.

Mostly felony, drugs. Murder.

Oh, man, you are the girl I've been looking for.

Look, I got this small case.

Allegedly, allegedly, they caught me with nine kilos

of some Colombian Bambam.

So, I'm trying to put the dope in my girlfriend's car, right,

so she could take the wrap...

Next.

Switch.

- You married? - No.

- Got a girlfriend? - No.

- Wife? - No.

- Baby mom? - No.

- Hmm, you got a job? - I'm an architectural engineer.

That's my future husband's job. So why are you single?

I just got out of a relationship and yeah, I'm done with men.

- These mens are no good. - Oh, next!

Man 2: Switch!

After I do all that securing and watching perimeters, you know,

it's really hard just doing nothing all night long.

You see, I'm looking for a sugar mama

that's go' pay my bills, and, you know, complete me.

I'm looking to start a family.

- Next! - Switch.

Ugh, God, what am I doing here?

You must be tired of all this, huh?

Uh...

Quite frankly, I am.

Then why do you put yourself through it?

Because it's really hard to find men within my field.

Then why don't you stop telling people your line of work?

- Maybe I should. - Maybe you should.

- Huh. - Yeah.

So tell me about yourself.

I went to Yale.

- Yale? - Yes.

- Harvard. - Harvard?

Some Ivy League Love.

Ivy League Love. I like that.

Yes.

Get away from my daddy!

Oh, who the hell is this, Spencer?

Baby, um, this... Listen.

Uh, I didn't know you had a pregnant wife.

Bitch, I ain't pregnant. This is my colostomy bag.

- She... - That don't look right.

She's not my wife. I'm not really her husband.

Let's go. Get in the car, Spencer.

No, no, no, no. You got me messed up.

Spencer Jr.: Stay away from my daddy, you garden tool.

- I'm not no garden tool. - I told...

Why are you tracking me down like this?

Woman 1: Let's go.

Do you have my money?

I... I'll have it by tomorrow. I promise.

That's the problem with you young mothers

always thinking about yourselves.

Here you go, Ms. Mildew. No need to count it. It's all there.

Okay. Thank you, baby.

Your daughter's one of my best workers.

Don't think I'mma let you mess that up.

What am I gonna do?

Oh, so my family may have some stories.

Like Michael. That boy sure can play basketball.

Even if he has no fashion sense.

Yes, baby!

Woo! Go, baby! Go baby! Woo!

Get off of him.

That's not your son talking to my son, right?

He better get off his back.

Let's go. Let's go, baby!

Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it.

Yes, Michael! Go baby!

Oh, my goodness. You were so good.

But what was going on with those shoes, though?

They were raggedy. W... why didn't you just wear those?

I can't wear those on that court.

I might get 'em dirty.

Listen, I got these.

- Where you get... - I got these.

Where you get these from? Okay. My baby a hustler.

Can we sell these so that I can get my nails done now?

- It's up to you. - Okay, cool.

Nail shop tomorrow. - Hey yo, Michael.

- Good game, baby. - Calvin?

What are you still doing in high school?

I couldn't, uh, pass the SAT test.

You don't need to pass the SAT in order to graduate.

But look, me and the fellas about to go down to the spot

to get us a few drinks.

You trying to come hang with us or what?

Oh, so y'all finna go down to the spot, huh?

Have some drinks and get drunk?

Yes, Ms. Black.

Well, can we roll with you?

- Are you serious? - Hell yeah.

Mom, what are you doing?

Mind your business, I am grown. Go home, get the homework done.

Watch your sister. Make sure she eats some, alright?

I'm finna teach the young man

something he ain't ever learned before. Okay!

Excuse me. Move out the way I gotta walk through.

Well, can I come too?

- Hell yeah. Come on, girl. - Damn. My mama's a hoe.

Bye, baby! I love you.

Girl, you think he can handle both of us?

Hell no, girl. We finna rob him.

Oh, my God! I'm down.

- Hey! - Hey, so what's up, girl?

- So, where your cash at? - Hey, I'm Shirley.

Hey, what's up? How you doing?

But the... the question is, where is your cash?

- My cash? - Yes.

It's at the ATM, what you mean?

You ain't got no cash on you?

- Nah, girl, I got a debit card. - Oh, hell no, bitch.

- Get out the car. - No, no, no, no.

- No, nope. - I do got...

- Ooh, oh, hey, girl. - Hey, how are you?

- I am tired as ever. - How's the kids?

Hungry, as usual.

Oh, it's not a bill for once in my life.

Oh, what is that?

I... I got a letter from a man across town. Says he's my uncle.

Says my father died and left me in his will.

Wait, what, bitch, you rich? Oh, my God. Who do you have to call?

I don't know. It don't... It don't even... It has an address.

- Address? - It says to come down.

Okay, then go down.

Uh-uh, they probably gonna tell me

he owed some money and now I owe them.

- I'm not doing it. - Wait, what? You got money?

You're not going?

He probably ain't got shit, either.

They gon' ask me to pay his bills.

I'm not doing it, I'm not doing it, Shirley.

- Beverly, you come on! Beverly! - I'm not doing it.

I need to get me one of these, yo. Ladies gonna love these.

- Hey, you know Ms. Mildew? - Damn, you hitting that too?

Man, that old lady got some skills.

Especially when she be using those molars on your boy.

She be like all day.

Who's that?

Man, that's just your daddy, Michael.

My dad? I never met him before.

And if you want me to buy you something,

you still ain't met me.

Alright. You know. Mm-hmm.

Mm-mm.

Yo. What's up then? What you need?

Uh, I'm gonna need a little spark. Okay.

And, uh, I ain't got no money

and I'm gon' need the "know my son" discount.

Hold up, dad, how come you never come around

or help mom with money?

Because boy, I'mma grown-ass man, I got bills to pay.

I got another family across town,

I got this nasty drug habit,

and I'm in love with this bitch I can't stand.

I ain't buying you shit.

Oh, hold on, ladies, ladies, ladies.

Look what I found in my pocket. Wait a second, now.

Who need their bills paid? Uh? Need your hair done? Nails done?

Who want to do me?

Come on, let's do each other together.

What's up, Calvin?

What I tell you about hustling in this alley?

Yo, this my alley, homeboy. I do what I want.

Oh, yeah, that's right?

Ricky! Wrong movie. Michael!

Oh! My movie could be like every other urban movie.

Why? Take me, Lord! Take me, Lord.

But I'm glad you got him. Oh, Lord, my boy.

Dad, that's not me. I'm your son.

Oh. Oh. Here, let me wipe this evidence off.

Help me up, stupid.

Hey, so your mama told me you play a little basketball?

Yeah, I mean, I do average 25 points a game.

Uh, don't call me dad till you make it to the league.

- Listen, I'm gonna need $20. - What?

Oh, it's a lovely day, MaDude.

MaDude: Well, damn. - What's wrong?

Look at that good-ass clothesline,

and I ain't got my laundry basket.

The hell is wrong with me? Oh, wait.

Oh! Ah-ha! Still got it.

Impressive.

MaDude: That's what I'm talking about.

I did not know you could do that.

You know I hate coming up here

to see these poor folks in all this heat.

Well, it's okay, I'm a doctor and a lawyer

and I'm here to make things better.

Boy, go on and head on home. Ain't nothing you can do here.

MaDude, I just don't know what to do.

Girl, what you mean you don't know what to do?

I don't know what to do.

Well, what that letter say?

It says that he died

and he left something for me in his will.

Well, girl, you know exactly what to do.

You need to go get that goddamn money.

What if it's not money? What if it's a bill?

Who gonna leave you some bills?

Look, girl your dead deadbeat daddy is dead.

Deadbeat daddy dead?

Deadbeat daddy dead. Go ahead and get your money.

I'm not going down there.

Good things don't happen to me. Okay?

A man ain't never done nothing for me.

And now I'mma think he gonna do something in his death?

This is too good to be true. Look at this.

Girl, you know I can't read that shit, ain't got my glasses.

Look, girl, look it. You need money.

You know you need money, everybody need money.

Look at this house. Look at this cheap ass microwave.

W... why you gotta talk about my microwave?

You need to change that attitude.

You gotta take care of this boy.

You gotta take care of these bills.

Why don't you show him what the letter say?

Yeah, you right.

Well, hey, Michael Jr.

How you doing, boy? You sure do look good today.

- Hey, baby. - Hey, MaDude.

Now, girl, you listen to what I said.

Now you go get that money like you supposed to,

and, baby, you take care of your mama.

- You be a good boy, alright? - I will.

Mm-hmm. I see you got that good fade.

You got some money for something, girl.

MaDude: But hey, you call me 'cause I want my 10%

when you get that money.

- Oh. Alright. - What's wrong, mama?

My father just died and left me something in his will.

But I thought you said your father was already dead.

Well, he was just dead to me.

But now he's dead to the rest of the world.

Everything's gonna be okay, mama.

I don't know, baby. We're in a real tough spot right now.

I'll figure it out. Oh, my God.

I can't even pay the light bill. What else could go wrong?

Come on, mama.

- What are you doing? Boy. - Get up. Don't worry.

When I go to the league, I'mma buy you a nice car.

Buy you a nice house.

- And better wig. - A better wig?

Don't be playing about my wig, boy. Keep dancing.

Get yourself hurt.

- Everything's gonna be okay. - No, I know.

Don't worry. I know what I gotta do.

Beverly, she's got star power.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I wanted to tell you the story

of what happened on MaDude's Halloween.

No, here come the little children.

Now, Ham, you know better

than to give all this free candy away to these kids.

Hell, you know how hard I had to work

for some free candy on Halloween?

I had to give candy to get candy.

She had to get all up on that pole.

My daddy backyard had a pole, the big old telephone pole.

Swing around that thing.

I got me a Snickers bar, a Mars bar, and a pregnancy test.

- Still came back broke. - Baby, you need Jesus.

I got Jesus. Got splinters on my inner thighs, too.

Knocked the pole down too, big ass.

Trick or treat, smell my feet, gimme something good to eat.

Always begging.

I like your little nursery rhyme.

He's a cute little thing. What you got there, here?

Oh, you got some Mike and Ike's.

You know what you need to do?

You need to get rid of all that shit.

Now, you know, you didn't need to do that to that thing.

It's hard to play soccer with one leg.

Yeah, he's tryna to save you from diabetes. It's okay.

Maybalene, get your brother.

Trying to keep your teeth from running out your mouth.

Your mama be glad.

Boy, you better shut your mouth up.

Don't let the devil use you.

Man 3: It's time to party.

Ooh, that's good. That's some good, mm.

- What? - You look how I feel.

- And how is that? - Constipated.

Your prostate flaring up on you again?

Shut the hell up, Moe. You know, I ain't got no prostate.

- You do got a prostate. - Y'all talking about prostates?

Sound a little too happy 'bout it.

Man 4: Real nice costume, dude.

Who the hell is y'all and why y'all in my house?

We... we're the frat guys.

You know, the frat guys from up the street?

- Oh. - We live in the frat house.

- You've seen us before. - Pat 'em down.

Oh, I see, so y'all just wanna come here

and y'all wanna see a woman? That's what it is?

Man 4: Titties. - Oh, titties.

Y'all wanna see titties?

Well, we thought you were a man.

- You thought I was a man? - More like a monster.

- We were taking bets. - Oh, okay.

Here let me show you something.

No, don't do that.

Don't nobody wanna see them Jurassic...

- Oh! - Lord, have mercy.

- Those are real, dude. - That's paradise right there.

That's Jurassic Park right there.

- Like scrambled eggs. - Come on.

Come, come reach your paradise.

Come bring your hands in here.

- Come on. Come, come, come on! - Don't do it.

- You got to drop out. - Get the hell out of my house.

Have some respectability up in here.

I told you didn't wanna see

them old, Aretha Franklin, long sleeve titties.

You better think.

You know what, I hate this song, but it sure make me wanna move.

Move over there then.

Feel a little something. I just can't, just can't...

Oh, Lord.

Just catch the spirit a little bit.

Oo-wee, there it is, there it is!

That damn show ain't "Flashdance."

Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.

Somebody call the exorcist. The woman is possessed.

Whoo!

They got to burn this whole damn house down now.

Oh, Lord. It's definitely a ghost up in here.

MaDude: Show me how we do it. Show me how we do it!

Don't you go in that closet now.

You know R. Kelly's in there. Don't you do it.

Tiffany, y'all got some good candy here.

Oh, Lord!

Boy, don't be trying to scare nobody.

It was something on the TV, just popped up there.

What nothing on that TV. Shut up.

I saw it.

Oh, Lordy. Oh, Lord. What was that?

I told you it was something. It went from here up there.

Sound like somebody up there fighting.

That's what I thought. Really starting to scare me.

You know I'm scared of everything.

MaDude, go up there and check out and see what it is.

Oh, I ain't going up there. Mm-mm. No. That ain't for me.

'Cause you ain't scared of nothing.

Everything scared of you. And I see why.

Fine. I ain't scared. Look, I ain't never scared.

You ain't never scared? - I ain't scared.

You ain't never scared. Go get 'em.

I'mma go right on up here. I ain't scared.

You done survived looking in the mirror every damn morning,

you can survive that, you can survive this.

- I ain't scared. - You ain't scared of nothing.

Go on up there. Tell him to smell you, that'll kill him.

Don't be scared there now, now keep eating your candy

and watch the movie. This a good one.

Watch they gonna go in the closet right here. Look.

Oh, Lord. They not gon' scare me in my own house.

I ain't gonna get got. Oh, no, not today.

The devil ain't gonna use me.

Mm-mm, he gon' get his ass on outta here.

I sure hope ain't nobody behind this here door.

When I open up this door, 'cause it's gonna be...

What the hell? Oh-ho.

Ain't no clown chasing me.

Ain't no clown chasing me! Ain't no clown chasing me!

I told 'em not to go in there.

Ain't no clown chasing me. Ain't no clown chasing me!

Alright, well that's my cue. Y'all better come on.

Oh, hell now, lemme see what I can do to get up outta here.

Oh-hoo! Come on now.

Come on, girls. Come on, girls.

Moe, I need you to move. Come on, Moe!

I hope I didn't scare you too much with that story.

But back to Beverly.

You ever know people who can't just say yes to a good thing?

Well, that's Beverly for you.

- Ooh! There they are. - Hi. Hello there.

You's Beverly. I, Leroy Black, Black.

You can call me Black. This my seed.

Yes, I'm his daughter. Flora Black.

You can call her Flora, without the Black.

It is so nice to meet you all.

MaDude has told us so much about you.

Well, it is so nice to meet you as well, I think.

Put that away, Missy.

If they knows you'se been reading,

they gonna sell you off down the river.

Sell me?

I'mma take y'all by the underground.

The underground? Like the railroad?

To see y'all's new house, and meets y'all's family.

Follow me easy. Keeps your head down.

Shh. Bes quiet.

Oh, oh. - Mr. Black, don't go too fast.

You know he got the gout, and the sugar,

and erectile dysfunction.

I don't even know how I got here.

That's a lot of information. Okay. Hell.

So, I think this is just constipation right here.

That's why he's walking this way?

Yes. And you are just the prettiest little thing.

I know you do not expect us to live here.

This can't be real.

Uh-uh. Take us back to the bus stop. We are going home.

But Papa done left this for you.

I... I know it ain't much, but it's all your daddy has to give.

Mm-mm, I would rather work for Ellen DeGeneres

before I let my kids step one foot in that house.

- What? Okay. - Calm down.

This is bigger than your mama's house.

You sure you don't want it?

Hell no. I don't want it. Let's go, kids.

- But mom! - But nothing.

Look at that water fountain running all day and night.

You know what I'd have to do to pay for that water bill?

Just do what we always do.

And what's that?

- Don't pay. - Don't pay.

Well, Beverly, you can at least come and see the house, honey.

Just come on in and see inside.

I don't wanna come and see inside this house.

It's... it's... it's got a wobbler room.

- Not enough dirt. - Not enough dirt?

Well it's got pet chickens in the back,

and, and you got a trained pig.

- A trained pig? - Yeah.

Yep, one thing MaDude always tried to do

was help others,

but she always finds herself in her own mess.

MaDude: The po-po is coming for us. The po-po is coming for us.

You think you ran a red light?

I didn't, I don't know what the hell I did.

- Mr. Black! Mr. Black! - What is it, Flora?

Look! Is that who I think it is?

It is! It's MaDude on the TV tube.

Running from the whirly bird.

Oh, ho, them overseers running her down.

They gon' chop her foot off when they catch her. Run, Kunta, run!

I'm in the helicopter, live in the air

during this exciting car chase.

Can we get a tighter shot of the vehicle's occupants? Wow.

This feels like a scene straight out of the movie, "Set It Off."

Where's my phone? I gotta call her. It was here.

Oh, Lord Jesus, help me. Hello?

MaDude, is that you driving that car?

Well, who the hell you think it is?

Are you sure 'cause you, you kind of look like Queen Latifah.

Look like King Latifah.

Look, I'm wearing Queen Latifah's disguise

from the movie, "Set It Off."

Should have dropped me off.

MaDude: Well, you know that's what I do.

I just steal from movies.

Well, you know the Lord say, "thou shalt not steal," now.

The Lord is not being chased by the po-po.

And I ain't stealing, I'm speeding.

Well, I steal a little bit,

just 'cause I'm inspired by stuff, you know?

Driving like you're on speed. You slow down now.

Now if you want a smack across your mouth, I give you one.

- Keep talking to me, old man. - Oh, Lord. What is she doing?

MaDude, head to the North Star. It's free peoples over there.

Tell the little man to shut the hell up.

MaDude: Is... is... is Beverly over there?

She gone. She and her children done gone back to Africa.

Didn't nobody go back to nobody's Africa.

No, she done left. She didn't want the house.

I don't know what's wrong with it.

Maybe, it's too much for her,

but back to you, MaDude,

please pull that car over, please.

Okay, fine, fine, fine.

Now I ain't giving up, though. I got a plan.

Just pull the car over before MaDude goes to jail.

Ooh. That's a good idea for a sequel.

You ain't finished the first one now.

That's... that's a, that's a nice sequel. I like that.

MaDude: Okay, I done pulled over.

I thought you was supposed to be meeting the Blacks?

Oh, hell, now they got me out here meeting the Whites.

Yeah, you be about to meet the Whites, alright.

Get out of the vehicle.

I think we should just give up.

No, no, no, no, no. Hell no, fool.

You should know we have no problem using deadly force.

MaDude: Look, if this works,

you meet me at the cabin up in the mountains,

but if it don't, you tell Taylor to put some money on my books.

Now what the hell you about to go on and do?

Oh, I, I'm going undercover, fool.

Okay, good, I'm about to tell them you kidnapped me,

and I ain't had nothing to do with none of this shit.

And by the way, it ain't gonna work.

I'm doing everything in my power

to make it difficult to arrest you.

Hold on there, Captain.

And what is that? What you got, what you got all that from?

T.I. gave me all this. MaDude: When you know T.I.?

This one, this from the movie "Scarface."

He said, "Say hello to my little friend."

MaDude: What is that?

Shit El Chapo gave me. This shit all broke up.

Hold on now, I got a couple more things. O.J. gave me this.

What's that?

I... I like to choke my chicken.

I ain't have nothing to do with none of this, officer.

- I'm putting my hands up. - Out of the vehicle.

MaDude: Just shoot him, just shoot him in the head.

Don't shoot me. Don't do nothing.

Put your hands on the ground.

They don't reach down there.

Throw your feet in the air.

I... I can't lift them.

And wave 'em like you just don't care.

Come on get out of the car.

Get out the car, fool. Out of the vehicle!

Oh, they 'bout to shoot me! They 'bout to shoot me!

Oh Lord, I don't have no bail money.

They 'bout to take her to the king!

They 'bout to take you to the king!

Next case.

Your Honor, she should be coming in at any moment.

Ooh! Helluurr!

Dead MaDude walking

- That's not funny. - It is funny.

Oh, Jesus. Lord, why today?

Your Honor, I is so sorry to have troubled you this morning.

Now this is all can be just throwed away, you know?

I'm gonna tell you a little story about my cousin.

Her name is V'Gina.

Now you know, people always mispronounce her name too.

Like they mispronounce Judge Loreal.

People might wanna call you Judge Revlon or something,

but you know, they, they call her vagina. But it's V'Gina,

Uh, V apostrophe G-I-N-A. It's V'Gina. V'Gina!

She can't even spell vagina.

That's what she trying to spell, vagina.

Can't even spell it.

But we damn sure can smell it.

Y'all smell it?

Y'all heard?

- Dad, dad. - Don't call me that.

Boy, you ain't smell vagina since 1932.

How you doing, Your Honor? Saw it this morning.

MaDude, be quiet, and be respectful in my courtroom.

That means shut up. - I understand.

I was just trying to explain to you why my cousin,

she had been bullied by that name. She 52 years old.

And I didn't want that to happen to you.

Your... Your... Your Dishonor, you know.

- I'm warning you. - I understand. Uh, I'm just...

I'mma be quiet right up here in your courtroom today.

Yes, yes, yes I am.

I believe you gonna fry.

You better shut your ass up. Just shut up!

Just shut up talking to me.

Shouldn't have ran all them red lights.

- Bailiff? - Mmm.

Keep your good eye on this one. She's trouble.

Well, it looks like that way to me, Your Honor.

Looks that way to me, Your Honor.

This whole courtroom looks suspect.

Matter of fact, this whole courtroom looks suspect.

MaDude Himms, you are sentenced to 180 days jail time

Judge Loreal: for attempting to evade the police.

Your cellmate will be R. Kelly.

Oh!

He not my type, Your Honor.

You gonna be trapped in the closet.

Followed by six months of house arrest.

Then we will possibly reevaluate your probation.

Don't reevaluate it. Just keep it like it is.

Also... mandatory church on Sundays.

- Not the church! - Church.

Oh, Lord.

- Gimme anything but church! - Church!

You 'bout to have a religious love.

No, Lord, please gimme solitary confinement.

Y'all got a bed big enough for her?

- Gimme the electric chair! - Church!

- We're gonna help you! - No, we ain't.

Jesus!

Well, I know how you feel. Believe me.

Well, I know how she feels.

Ha! Case Closed.

Yes!

I get to use my dick pump all by myself.

Pornhub all week. Gimme one!

Not even God can save your ass now, MaDude.

I can't believe MaDude's going to jail.

I can't believe I lost the case.

I am the worst lawyer ever. I'm the worst everything ever.

I mean, God, where are you when I need you?

God.

Bam. He was incensed.

Pow! Wu Tang, nigga.

I can say nigga in heaven.

But you can't! I been me damned.

When God told me to write a movie...

I never thought the devil would show up.

Do you see the color of my suit? Who the hell you think I am?

That's what I get for not writing.

Perfect. Makes perfect sense. The devil's talking to me.

Why wouldn't the devil talk to me?

Well, I'm sensing you kind of need my help.

How may I be of service, Fairy? - No.

I have been appointed by the Lord.

I'm delivered. I'm delivered. I'm delivered.

Well, brother, if you don't need me, I'll just go back

to the Proud Boys community and Peckerwoods.

Hey, they love me over there.

I'm their idol. Hasta luego, Fairy.

It's Pherry.

My name is Pherry, Pherry, Pherry!

No, it ain't.

Damnit. This is BS.

I bet you never show up to Kevin Hart's bathroom like this.

Write the vision, son. Write the vision.

I finally figured out what I needed to do.

I needed to write the movie.

So I decided to have my assistant, Joy, write it.

With Joy around, there's no need for AI.

Oh!

This is plot, character development.

This is a storyline.

- Can we put that in the movie? - Put what in the movie?

- A storyline. - A storyline?

Yeah. Just... just steal it. Just put it in the storyline.

- Oh, yeah. Okay. - Just write it down.

- Make me look good. - Okay.

I can steal all things through Christ who strengthens me.

- We stealing this. - Um, you going to hell.

- What you say? - Nothing. Mm-hmm.

Ooh. This is gonna be good.

We gon' use it all. Just mix it up like a gumbo.

I smell WGA. I smell Oscar.

Everybody gonna wanna be in my movies.

Joy, when I blow up,

I'm not taking you with me, but keep writing.

Oh! Oh! Write this down! Montage.

Every movie need a montage. A good montage.

Oh, Joy, how is my screenplay going?

Oh, it's going.

Oh, but wait, wait, wait. No, don't talk, more writing.

I just want to envision myself in the words.

No, no, don't stop writing.

Ooh, it's gonna be so good. Damn, I'm good. Damn, I'm good.

That's lazy. Mm, I need this job.

I need this job. I need this job.

Ooh, I like that. Watch for that for me.

- You're so close to me. - Yeah, we're very close.

This is close. You, you read my mind.

This is exactly what... We're on the same wave...

You're so physically close to me.

Yeah. Yeah. Go down, go down. Scroll, scroll.

- I'm scrolling. - Oh, wait, wait. Stop, stop.

Too fast. Go back up, up, up, up.

Yeah, yeah. Whoa! So great. Oh, wonderful.

Oh!

Hey, this is Attorney Pherry.

The P is silent. Wait, MaDude?

No, I... I can't possibly deal with MaDude today.

That's not on my docket.

I'm in the middle of writing a screenplay.

Could you scroll please? Thank you.

Oh, no, I couldn't possibly do that.

Thank you.

Damn, that's good. Oh, I'm a good ass writer.

That's so good.

Oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.

Look at us here just getting clean,

so we can be there with the Lord in the end days.

You know, cleanliness is next to Godliness,

and I know he love you because I sure do.

Oh, Lordy, Lordy.

Make sure y'all get all that dirt off you.

Oh, uh... Done seen too much. No, no, no, we good.

Sure we should make this water get us a little colder.

God. You know, I'm a old lady.

Only got so many of these left.

Alright, ladies, two-minute showers up.

Let's go. Let's go, let's go!

Oh, I knew there was a God. Officer: Come on. Let's go.

Well, it was so nice to see you ladies.

Y'all go ahead. Y'all get on out here.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, cut that water off.

Y'all been here long enough now. Come on.

- We in a drought. - Stop your yabbering.

MaDude: Look Barney Fife, I'm just trying to make sure

everything is where it needs to be.

You're taking all day. You want to go home or not?

Got me up here with all this temptation, wetness, and water.

Just trying to be my best Christian self.

Today's your lucky day, MaDude. Let's go.

Ain't a jail alive that can hold me, baby.

Where my shit?

- Is this yours? - Hell nah, that ain't mine.

What the hell I look like? You can keep that.

Well, I'll save it for you when you get back.

Well, I ain't coming back to here. No, no, no. No way.

Oh, but you know what? You might be right.

I'll be back for my next movie.

Free at last, bitches, free at last! Oo-wee!

Look at the fresh air out here.

Damn, it is hot. Hell is my family at?

There your ass is. Why you late?

Just get your big ass in the car, San Quentin Tarantina.

They gonna have your ass right back up in here.

The end.

Ooh, Joy, this is fabulous.

Fool, this might be the best thing I ever done.

Written by Taylor Pherry, my P is silent.

Hey! Wha... wha... what the... No, no, no, no!

No, no!

Let me tell you, computers ain't like your stories, man.

- They need backup. - Oh, please.

Stop praying, bitch. He ain't gonna help you now.

What the...

It's like life.

The devil's in the details.

Says you.

Oh, man.

I thought you... you weren't happy with my work?

Your work is pure joy, son.

It's probably best to say that you were divinely inspired.

I was, wasn't I?

It's time to go worship, son.

Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord.

What we're here to do today is...

give it up to the Lord.

Amen.

All of our plans?

We give it up to the Lord.

All of our ideas?

Uh-huh, uh-huh!

We giving it up to the Lord. You hear me?

- Lord! - Hallelujah!

- Amen! - Mercy. Mercy!

- Yes, Pastor! - Yes.

Listen, now. All our wishes, we give it up to the Lord.

- Up to the Lord. - Yes!

- Hallelujah! - That's right, that's right!

- Hallelu! - And all of our money...

- Yes, yes. - Yes...

You give it to me.

- To the... - What?

- Are you with me? - No, no, no.

That ain't gon' be it.

I thought we was giving it up to the Lord.

No, thank you. Hallelujah?

MaDude: Helluurr!

No, Miss Celie. Oh, Lord, have mercy.

The one day I come to church, look at this.

The devil showed up.

♪ I've been sinning, I've been sinning ♪

Think I done gone blind for two seconds.

♪ I'm a heathen when the devil get up in me ♪

♪ I've been thinking ♪

She going to hell.

- She going to hell hell. - Like real hell.

♪ Moe got lice, Moe got lice ♪

♪ All these Christians in my face ♪

♪ And I'm feeling kind of like a criminal ♪

♪ But that's okay ♪

She's shaking, she's shaking her ass in church.

♪ Where that boy who got that hair I don't like it? ♪

Thank you for my Pilates class.

♪ There he is, good day ♪

♪ And tight, yeah, and I'mma go on, go on, go on ♪

Jesus, I wasn't supposed to come to church today. That's...

Hi. Oh, ey, ey! Come on, Pastor.

MaDude, you 'bout to catch on fire.

Oh, Lord.

♪ Keep your eyes off my fattie, Pastor ♪

♪ I don't want you no more ♪

No, no, no. Hey, hey. Hallelujah.

MaDude: Oh, they got chicken at church.

If I had known that I'd have been here months ago.

Hey, hey, must be Church's Chicken.

Whoo! Moe got lice, y'all.

Killed 12 Clydesdales for them boots.

Go ahead. Pastor on, carry on. Praise and praise, do it up.

Mm, Come on, Pastor. Go 'head, preach.

Ladies and gentlemen, we got a special guest.

- Taylor Pherry? - Me?

It's your day to lead us in prayer. Get on up here.

- Alright, alright! - Get on up there, baby.

Alright. Thank you, thank you.

Huh! Ooh, I'm so nervous.

First, giving honor to God and...

Amen.

And the congregation, I just wanna say,

put your hands together.

Yes!

I wrote a movie, y'all.

Y'all wanna sing a song or something for me?

♪ Can he do everything? ♪

Hey!

♪ Can he do everything? ♪

♪ Can he do everything? Can he do everything? ♪

♪ Can he do everything? ♪

'Cause I can, I can, I can!

Come on, Hoprah. Come on, Hoprah. Hoprah, Hoprah, Hoprah!

♪ Can he do everything? ♪

Get out the way!

Where's my successor?

♪ Can he do everything? ♪

I crown, Taylor Pherry, the new me.

And with me, thy will all come.

I wrote a movie "Inspired by God,"

and it's coming out soon,

and each of you is gonna get a movie premiere ticket!

And you get a ticket! And you get a ticket!

And you getting a ticket. Don't think I forgot about you!

You getting a ticket.

Y'all getting tickets!

You getting a ticket!

And that is my story.

The story of how I became

the world-famous writer, director, actor, producer,

lawyer, doctor, handyman, plumber, mover, shaker,

Grossmates delivery driver you now know and love.

And I'll make sure you also get a ticket

to my next church movie.

Coming to a theater near you.

♪ Can he do everything? ♪

Today was a God's Day.

Won't I do it? Won't I do it?

♪ Thank you Lord ♪

♪ For all you've done ♪

♪ For all you've done for me ♪

♪ Come on, ya ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you Thank you, I thank you Lord ♪

♪ Yes, you are so good, you took me off the streets ♪

♪ Yes, there's no ghetto here in Hollywood ♪

♪ You said this be the light I know you're right ♪

♪ With you I know I could ♪

♪ Turn to your neighbor and said, yeah, God is good ♪

♪ Folks won't go to church ♪

♪ But they'll name their daughters Faith ♪

♪ Just to walk around the house ♪

♪ and then say they walk by faith ♪

♪ Let me make this statement I'm thankful, so grateful ♪

♪ Turn pain into a wonderful life 'cause God is able ♪

♪ I'm grateful ♪

♪ So grateful ♪

♪ I'm grateful ♪ ♪ Come on, y'all ♪

♪ For all you've done for me ♪

♪ Thank you Lord ♪

♪ For all you've done ♪

♪ Ladies and gentlemen ♪ ♪ For all you've done for me ♪

♪ Put your hands together ♪ ♪ Thank you Lord ♪

♪ You've been so good ♪

♪ You've been so good to me ♪ ♪ Come on ♪

♪ I was down, I was lost, I was broken ♪

♪ When you called out my name said I was chosen ♪

♪ Brand new life I found You turned it all around ♪

♪ Now I'm singing hallelujah 'cause you saved me ♪

♪ I left my past in the past I'm a changed man ♪

♪ So much joy that I have I'm renewed, man ♪

♪ 'Cause you broke the chains that were binding me ♪

♪ Now I'm free, I'm free I'm free ♪

♪ I'm grateful ♪

♪ Yes, I am, yes, I am ♪

♪ So grateful ♪

♪ So ♪

♪ I'm grateful ♪

♪ For all, for all, for all ♪

♪ For all you've done for me ♪

♪ Thank you Lord ♪

♪ If you're thankful ♪ ♪ For all you've done ♪

♪ Make some noise ♪ ♪ For all you've done for me ♪

♪ 'Cause he's been too good ♪ ♪ Thank you Lord ♪

♪ You've been so good ♪ ♪ Yes, He has ♪

♪ You've been so good to me ♪ ♪ Come on, come on, yo ♪

♪ Thank God, you're good, we here, we can ♪

♪ Live in Christ, you omnipotent ♪

♪ You been so good, this gonna be our year ♪

♪ Let the world see you dance, the party's over here ♪

♪ I thank you God I thank you much ♪

♪ We got our power back and now we can't be touched ♪

♪ It's amazing what you done, thank you for your son ♪

♪ I'm grateful I gotta get these words off my tongue ♪

♪ Thank you Lord ♪ ♪ For all you've done ♪

♪ For all you've done ♪ ♪ For all you've done for me ♪

♪ For all you've done for me ♪

♪ Thank you Lord ♪

♪ Sing it out ♪ ♪ You've been so good ♪

♪ So good ♪ ♪ You've been so good to me ♪

♪ Oh, thank you Jesus ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Yes, she did ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Yes, she did ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Yes, she did, yes ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Not one percent but half ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Not two percent but half ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Cut it all in half ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪ ♪ Come on ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪ ♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪ ♪ Fifty percent ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Cut it all in half ♪

♪ Judge said half ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪