Original subtitles

[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]

? ?

Ugh.

What did we do?

I got to call someone and tell them what I did.

I bet you want to tell a lot of people.

I-I get it. But, please, don't.

No, I meant...

call my sponsor and tell him that I relapsed.

I feel awful.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I know how hard you've worked to stay sober.

Yeah.

And I'm sorry about Josu�.

I know how hard you worked to stay away from men like me.

Yeah.

There's someone I have to call...

Father Ramirez.

- For forgiveness? - For an exorcism.

I let the Devil in me.

[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]

? ?

Wouldn't it be easier to just use real flowers

for your mom's engagement party?

Well, she wanted these because she's hoping to reuse them

for her wedding. Huh. If we ever got married,

I wouldn't want flowers made from toilet seat covers.

If we ever got married? [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES] Uh, I don't know what I'm saying.

I lost a lot of blood to paper cuts.

I figured out Nana's wedding gift.

I'm going to film everyone at the party talking

about their greatest love.

Aw, that's such a sweet idea, Gordo.

It's also a free idea.

I'll get us some coffee.

You two made up?

What makes you think we made out?

Ew.

No, I mean after your big fight at the church.

The Bible says to forgive, Mayan.

15 years of Sunday school, and you learn nothing?

Isn't that the same dress

that you were wearing yesterday?

No, it's different. You don't know fashion.

Let's move on.

Dad, I'm sorry I called you a screwup.

My therapist reminded me that sobriety is a journey

and you're doing the best you can.

Well, Mayan, you know, what's past is in the past.

Let's move on.

I agree, especially today.

This engagement party is a celebration

of how far we've come as a family.

I mean, Dad's sober. Mom is in love.

We're all getting along

and putting our destructive behaviors behind us.

[COUGHS]

About the engagement...

It's going to be the best moment

that we will cherish forever.

You didn't tell her that the engagement's off?

She's going to find out

when Josu� doesn't show up to his own party.

I couldn't bear to take away Mayan's happiness.

She needs to believe that marriage is a blessing.

So you want us to lie to her?

You lied about your relapse.

She said I wasn't a screwup,

so I can't tell her that I screwed up.

We need to give her something to celebrate...

a special event that will distract her

when we give her our bad news.

What if...

we turn this engagement party...

into an engagement party?

- Are you still drunk? - Mm.

Quinten confided in me

that he's always wanted to marry Mayan.

[GASPS]

God is great.

Carried a ring in his wallet for years.

Those two getting engaged is exactly the kind of

happy distraction we need.

It'll be easy to get that puppet Quinten to propose.

But how are we going to get Mayan to go for it?

Somehow I've scared her off marriage.

I mean, how can everything be my fault?

I was never around!

[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]

? ?

Mayan, I need to ask you a favor as my maid of honor.

My wedding dress arrived,

and I'd like for you to try it on so I can see how it looks.

You want me to break out in hives?

You know I'm allergic to marriage.

I need someone else to try it on.

A mirror is 2-D.

I mean, look at me. I'm very much 3-D.

I need to see how it moves walking down the aisle

or pretending to be humble when people say that I'm beautiful.

Me?

[CHUCKLES] Stop that.

Go on.

Fine.

Yesterday I meant what I said, okay?

You have my permission to marry my daughter.

Well, that's nice, but I don't need your permission.

I need Mayan's.

Well, now that Mayan knows you want to get married,

she's into it.

She told me.

You're not exactly the most reliable source,

Father Lopez.

Although today she said, "if we ever got married,"

and didn't follow it up with... [GAGS]

Come on, man, if that's not a green light,

I don't know what is.

I don't know.

Well, if you don't believe me,

wait till you see what she bought.

? ?

Oh, my God, she looks beautiful.

Maybe she really is open to the idea of marriage.

I told you.

She was just embarrassed

to admit she was wrong all these years.

Now get out of here.

It's bad luck to see the bride in her wedding dress

or hear any additional details.

Okay, what would you like me to do first?

Show you what you'd look like walking down the aisle?

I'm here,

and I do.

Yeah, yeah, that's nice.

Let's see what I would look like dancing.

Whoa.

I never thought I'd see myself in something like this.

You picked the perfect dress, Mom,

and the perfect man.

You and Josu� are going to be so happy together.

Mom, are you crying?

Today's a happy occasion.

I just, uh...

I look so good in that dress on you.

Whoa.

Mayan, you look amazing.

I always dreamed I'd walk my little girl down the aisle.

Always a father, never a father of the bride.

Yeah, I mean, I never thought

you'd be able to walk me down the aisle

because you'd have to walk in a straight line.

But that's the old you.

Right, right.

We know it's not happening, Mayan,

because you don't want to get married.

Standing in front of your friends and family,

gazing into the eyes of the man you can't live without...

that's not what you want, and that's okay.

- You can take that off now. - Okay.

Just give me a minute.

[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]

Churro, who's your greatest love?

If it's me, do nothing.

I knew it.

We did a pretty nice job on the backyard.

You think your mom will like it?

- I do. - I do, too.

Careful. Keep talking like that, we'll end up married.

[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]

Almost everyone is here. Where is Josu�?

He's not going to make it...

on time.

He is running late.

Oh.

What's that for?

I know it's not easy for you to be here,

but I'm glad that you are.

You've come a long way, Dad.

Thank you, Mayan.

George told me you want to propose.

I can't think of a better time to do it than right now.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I-I do want to,

but I can't do it at your engagement party.

That would steal your spotlight.

Oh, it's fine.

You know I don't like to be the center of attention.

And it would be the greatest engagement gift

anyone could ever give me.

When you put it like that...

I have to go get the ring.

How?

I keep that in my wallet.

Rosie.

Hey, man.

- How you doing after last night? - Not great.

Have you told your family that you relapsed?

No. I want to, but I can't.

Being sober has been one of the only things

I've done right by my family.

I let everyone down, but especially Mayan.

If you tell her now, she'll forgive you.

But if she finds out on her own, she won't.

In AA, they say you're only as sick as your secrets,

and I'm tired of being sick.

The longer you wait, the sicker you will feel.

What are you waiting for?

Josu�. He's not here yet.

This isn't about him.

C�llense! Quinten has something to say.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I... um...

I know we're here to celebrate Rosie and Josu�,

but with all our loved ones gathered...

There's something you need to hear.

Last night I relapsed, and I got drunk,

and Rosie and I had sex!

We made love!

ALL: What?

Because her and Josu� broke up

because he's a lying, cheating, beautiful scumbag.

Oh.

BOTH: What?

Oh.

I told the truth! I'm healed!

Don't we all feel better?

[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]

Today was the most toxic Latino parenting

I've ever seen!

What about the Menendez brothers?

This is why I invited my therapist over

to help us talk this out.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Hi.

I'm Dr. Glenda Brenda.

We don't need a therapist.

If it wasn't for your father and his big mouth,

you'd be engaged right now.

You were going to propose?

Yeah.

Your parents said you wanted me to.

And... and then I saw you in the dress.

I knew you didn't need a 3-D model.

You know what you got.

You guys lied to us.

I'm only as sick as my secrets.

- Your face makes me sick. - Not last night it didn't.

It was dark, and I was drunk.

It's so nice to finally put a face to Mayan's trauma.

? ?

Okay, now that I've had a chance

to talk to each of you, it's clear.

This family is in crisis.

It's also clear the price I quoted Mayan

for this home visit is way too low.

But if we look back at the root cause,

it's evident that you all feel the family's problems

all stem from the same source.

ALL: George.

Mayan.

Okay, sometimes it's difficult

to express your feelings rationally,

but there are other ways to release aggression.

We already yelled at each other.

You said you didn't like that.

We're going to try a physical release.

Mayan, were you able to choose a pillow for everybody to hit?

Actually, I prepared something better.

A lifetime of daddy issues and some Elmer's glue,

and this is what you get.

Yeah, I don't think anybody wants...

BOTH: Oh.

This is for all your lying and all your cheating

and making me think that I could trust you.

Damn, that felt good.

Excellent.

- Quinten. - Yeah.

Oh.

The spinning isn't necessary.

I'm tired of you manipulating me

and hurting Mayan,

and I don't appreciate the nicknames.

All right, settle down, Christian Pale.

Mayan, batter up.

[SIGHS] This is for lying to us over and over again

and making me afraid of marriage and commitment

and not trusting men!

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Can I go again? I just thought of something else.

Hey! Come on.

[SIGHS] It's George's turn.

It's time to face yourself.

- It won't break open. - Try harder.

- Break, stupid pi�ata. - Harder.

It won't break open.

You won't stay sober.

You hurt the people you love.

You're driving them out of your life.

Why can't you do better?

[CRYING]

[SERIOUS SAXOPHONE MUSIC]

George, what came up for you

as you watched your family dismember an effigy of you?

They seemed a little too into it.

Yes, I did notice that this family

jumps at any opportunity to take things out on you.

Rosie...

the person who hurt you isn't George.

It was Josu�.

You're right.

I guess it was easier to blame George than myself.

I feel like such a fool.

Let it out.

You can't heal if you don't feel.

Ooh, I just made that up. Ooh.

This is fun. Dr. Brenda's on my side.

All right.

Dad, therapists don't take sides.

No, we do not.

But I am getting tired of you blaming your father every week.

Mayan, if you don't want to get married, then don't.

But you got to stop using your dad as an excuse.

Damn, Glenda.

I'm back.

Where's Chance? I got my speech ready.

- Now's not the time, Oscar. - "My greatest love...

is George.

He showed me that it's never too late to change.

Once he was a drunk, a cheater, a deadbeat dad.

But today he's only one of those things"...

"A drunk.

But despite that, he refused to sleep with his hot ex-wife,

even though she wanted it bad."

- Refused? - Wanted it?

Don't worry. I didn't watch like some perv.

I just listened to the whole thing

from the cab of the truck.

We didn't sleep together. Thank God.

You thank God? I thank God.

I'm the one that should be thanking God.

We were both drunk, and that would have been wrong.

- I did the right thing for once. - Congratulations.

It sounds like you are a better George.

If I can turn down the most beautiful woman in the world,

then I'm strong enough to turn down alcohol.

The most beautiful woman in the world?

Me?

Stop it. [CHUCKLES]

Go on.

[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]

Now that Nana's engagement is off,

I guess my movie will never have a great ending.

Oh, just because it doesn't have an ending

doesn't mean it's not worth watching, buddy.

I'll go make the popcorn.

Wait, maybe I can give you a good ending.

I like your confidence.

Who is your greatest love, Mommy?

Your daddy.

The first time I met him was at the mall.

I was shopping for toe rings at Claire's, and...

there he was...

an attainable Justin Bieber.

He glided toward me in his Skechers with wheels

and right past me,

crashing into a Panda Express.

Oh, babe.

It's our favorite restaurant.

Since then, you've seen me at my best

and my family at their worst,

and you're still here.

I used to be so afraid that you'd leave,

but I'm not anymore.

I love you so much, Quinten.

Dang, you did that, Mommy.

Oh, my God.

It's happening. Keep rolling!

Quinten Mark Van Bryan...

will you make me the happiest woman in the world

and marry me?

Yes!

I'm sorry, that just came out. I've been waiting nine years.

Yes, Mayan, I'll marry you.

But only...

If you marry me.

- Yes. - Yeah?

Yeah.

Oh, my God!

I'm so happy you're getting married.

Don't get any ideas. I'm the best man.

Hey, after nine years of nagging 'em, Rosie,

I got it done in an afternoon.

Hey, this calls for some champagne.

- Really? - No, no, no.

? ?

It's official.

You're wearing the cheapest engagement ring

anyone has ever made.

Beautiful, huh?

It sure is.

So...

how do you feel about everything that went down with Mom?

I mean, since my relapse, I haven't thought about Rosie

that way.

Just knowing that your mom wants me, it's...

It's not as hot.

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