Original subtitles

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- [Narrator] Once upon a time, not so very long ago,

in a peaceful valley nestled between

forest, lakes, and mountains,

there was a charming little alpine village, Voglershausen.

Now, Voglershausen is an average country town,

with one exception.

Most of the women are young,

and most of their husbands are old.

But they still manage to produce children at an age

when the rest of us have trouble remembering how.

What's their secret?

Well, they owe their amazing fertility to a special wind

from the southwest called the foehn.

- Girls, I have a feeling it's time for the foehn.

- I can hardly wait for it.

- All we have to do now is see to it that our husbands know.

- [Narrator] Yes, when the foehn blows,

you can be sure someone is going to get pregnant.

That is why in foehn weather,

they warn their virgins to run and their wives to wait.

No one is quite sure why it works,

but when a man fills his lungs with the brisk night wind

of the foehn, his verity is aroused, potency restored,

and his wife is supremely satisfied.

- Hey, what's going on? What's up?

- Let's go. Everyone's in there.

- I'll go tell 'em everybody's here.

- Don't worry.

- My friends, I'm looking forward to our foehn

making this a very productive night.

- Don't you worry, Mr. Mayor.

Just mention the foehn and even mild hormones

start to go berserk.

- They say the more foehn, the more fun it is.

- You don't look happy at all.

Aren't you glad to hear the news of the foehn's arrival?

- Why should I be happy about that?

What's the point of a man fathering children

one after another at our age?

- When you are gone, my sweet,

those children will be the comfort of my old age.

- Yes, I must agree. - [Becker] Ah?

- We can't leave our wives alone in their old age.

- Feeling like that,

you shouldn't have married a younger woman.

- And you would never need the foehn.

- Yes, then you could stay home and enjoy yourself

like our village blacksmith. (chuckling)

- Bachelors have all the luck.

- Well, brother, dear, I hope you're up to it tonight.

- Jealous? - Wise guy. (laughs)

- Mr. Mayor, the wind's blowing from the southwest.

- Excellent. Off we go.

- On your feet, dear,

and don't come back until you're in good shape.

- Don't worry about a thing, sweetheart.

Just leave it to the foehn.

- Get ready for a big night.

You certainly haven't been disappointed

by the foehn in the past.

- For heaven's sake, don't worry home.

The more you're out in the foehn,

the stronger the effect is.

- [Karl] Come on boys. Come on.

- Let's see who's first.

- [Felicity and Suzanne] One, two, three.

- Oh.

- [Suzanne and Inge] One, two, three.

(all laughing)

- You'd better strike while the iron's hot.

You've got so many irons in the fire.

- What the devil does that mean?

- It's time that you forged a head into bed, Mr. Blacksmith.

- Yes, Annie. We'll be going now.

She wants to close up and you still have overtime to put in.

- Boys, the one thing that keeps you going strong

in spite of the miles ahead is the faithful gal

who's waiting for you back in bed.

- You can't help but be passionate with the foehn

in your lungs.

Breathe deeply boys,

and think of what the little woman is waiting for.

(knuckles rapping) (soft groovy music)

(Suzanne groaning)

- Oh, Michael.

You can't imagine how starved I am for you.

(Suzanne moaning)

- [Narrator] And so our happy band of wandering husbands

trudged the merry woods in search of a miracle.

Some fell by the wayside,

but others.

- Well, Becker, is the sap rising?

- You bet it's rising. I'm 10 years younger.

My Suzanne's going to be satisfied tonight. (laughing)

- Oh, Michael, one more time before you go.

- I'd like to, Suzanne, but I really must go.

- So soon?

- You'd understand if you knew how many orders

I have to fill yet.

You kept me a quarter of an hour too long already.

- [Suzanne] You're not sorry, are you?

- Hmm, not at all, sweetheart.

You're still the greatest lay in Voglershausen.

But, you need a fur and a hat, Suzanne.

You want me to send the substitute?

- What do you mean a substitute?

I don't want anybody but you, you understand?

- Don't be difficult. You've had me.

You're just acting selfish.

Think of all the others I have to take care of.

- The foehn should come more often.

- Hold on, Suzanne.

In only half an hour, I'll have you begging for mercy.

- Well, as far as I'm concerned.

- Huh?

- I've had all I can take of the foehn.

I'm going home.

- But, it's too early for the foehn to take effect.

- No, no, I'm going home.

Poor Felicity, I'll bet she's burning up with passion.

(chuckles) Have fun, lads.

- Oh, at last!

Michael, I was beginning to worry, dear.

- Sorry, Felicity, but I was held up.

- Ah, yes, I suppose that Suzanne wanted more

than her share of beautiful, sexy you.

Come on, we don't have much time.

(bright groovy music)

Oh my God, Karl's coming home!

(Michael gasps) (Michael thuds)

Here.

(door opening)

- What a marvelous way for a wife to greet her old man.

I'm ready to go.

- Why, you old darling! (laughs)

- Come, come to bed, come on now.

Lie down, eh?

- Go to it.

(Karl chuckling)

- Come on, now.

But, sweetie pie, wouldn't it be more comfortable

if we went to it in the usual position?

- Who cares what position you're in?

Go to it.

- [Karl] Yes. Uh-huh.

Yes, yeah, mmm.

- Excuse me, I guess I forgot your long hike.

(Karl laughing)

- I haven't seen you that passionate for a long time.

(both laughing)

- [Narrator] Some months later,

a formal celebration of the foehn's success

took place in Voglershausen Square.

The whole town turned out to welcome its new inhabitants.

- Papa, it looks like you've sired a bumper crop this year.

- For God's sake, be careful, will ya?

You wanna get me shot?

- Congratulations. (baby crying)

- I see the foehn's been working again.

- Yes, the same way it worked for your husband last year.

- And Papa's only 99.

- Congratulations.

Congratulations.

- Why, he's the spitting image of his father, isn't he?

- Well, that's only natural.

- Tell me, is it true that you called him Michael?

- Yes, Suzanne gave him that name.

- My son's going to be as strong as a smith,

so we thought it was fitting.

- Hello, citizens of Voglershausen.

I would like to invite everyone to come

to a baptismal luncheon at the Golden Cock

in honor of the foehn.

(crowd cheering)

(bouncy brass band music)

(train rumbling)

(brakes screeching)

- Welcome home, Miss Gaby, hey!

Did you have a nice trip, miss?

Let me help you. - Thank you.

It's the same as always.

- Ah, the hometown never changes much.

- Except the population, of course.

Oh, what's happened to my father?

I guess his second wife is an inspiration.

They have a new child every year.

- Oh, I suppose like everyone else,

the mayor of Voglershausen has to do his part.

- (laughs) Our town is too dangerous to set foot in.

Chances are I'll end up pregnant before I go back to school.

- Oh, there's no need to worry, miss,

because the foehn is very proper, you know.

As long as you're single, nothing'll happen to ya.

- How's father's little celebration coming?

- Uh, he's probably giving his annual speech right now.

- What a pleasure it is to announce the birth

of eight children with the past few weeks,

making Voglershausen a name to be proud of.

Our little town is more than grateful for this achievement.

All those virile citizens of Voglershausen

who are responsible for this achievement will please rise.

- Weren't you listening? Stand up, Michael.

(Michael gasps)

- You will all go down in the history of Voglershausen.

Well, Michael. (scattered laughter)

What makes you think you can join our company?

You must've been asleep, boy.

You have nothing in common with these noble fathers.

We're only honoring those who can produce.

Sit down, go on.

(group chatter and laughter)

Um, um, uh.

Now where was I?

I keep losing my place on account of him.

- Come on, get the speech over.

The women are bringing the food out.

- You're right, my love.

And so by way of concluding my talk,

may I wish everyone bon appetit (chuckles).

(crowd applauding)

(crowd chatting indistinctly)

- I wonder if they'll feel so noble if one of these men

gets wise to the fact that their precious foehn

only started to work for them

the day we came into town to live.

(both chuckle)

- Have you seen the consumption of that blacksmith?

How can the fella do away with it?

- He's all muscle, though.

Probably takes plenty of energy to wield that hammer, too.

(Suzanne laughing)

What I find peculiar is that he's remained

a bachelor so long.

How does he get rid of his tensions?

- Why are you asking me?

Surely the forge takes all his energy.

- I don't think it's a normal outlet

for a young man's emotions.

- It's his passion, though.

He's fantastic when he shoes a horse.

He gives her all he's got.

(bouncy brass band music) (indistinct chatter)

- That will be just fine.

(bouncy brass band music) (indistinct chatter)

(crowd applauding)

- The foehn has a very special mission to do:

to see that families increase in number.

- Oh, if that's the case,

then maybe I should get married right away.

- You do that.

(crowd chatting indistinctly)

- We're worried about you, Michael.

How long do you plan on staying single?

- So far, I haven't met the right woman.

I'm saving myself till she comes along.

- [Mayor] Oh. (group laughing)

- Meanwhile, I know you're gonna make me happy.

- [Mayor] Huh?

- By dancing. What on earth did you think?

(bouncy brass band music)

- Well, Becker, you let your wife flirt with the smith

right in front of you, and you don't even get jealous!

- You know perfectly well that all Suzanne wanted

was to dance. - Exactly.

I'm sure Suzanne only loves me,

except when we dance, I walk all over her feet.

- You're still weak from the effort it took

to be a father. (chuckles)

- [Becker] It's not that funny, Mayor.

(bouncy brass band music)

- I hope we'll enjoy the foehn again this summer.

- Someone's going to get suspicious one of these days

if the town's husbands don't stop breeding.

- (chuckles) Nobody'll catch on.

I knew the minute I invented our beloved foehn it'd work.

You can't explain nature.

- You realize I just might fall in love.

Then the foehn won't make it anymore.

- Oh, my goodness, then there'd be a revolution!

(bouncy brass band music)

- Gaby! (chuckles)

- Ah, congratulations, Dad.

How's the new baby? - Fine, thanks, we all are.

You see, we're full of surprises.

- Wait till you see the surprise you're getting from me.

- Oh?

- That is, it's really for everyone.

It's coming tomorrow.

I'm sure you'll love it.

Oh, you look simply marvelous, stepmother!

- Nice to have you home, Gaby.

- Hi, Gaby.

- Hello, Michael.

Excuse me, I want to dance.

(bouncy brass band music)

- I can't believe it's you!

You've changed so much.

It's really amazing, you know.

You've turned into a woman.

- [Narrator] With those profound words

from the village blacksmith,

we'll leave Voglershausen for the moment

to investigate, um, other areas of interest.

This charming young lady is secretary

to the Minister of Population,

and will play an important role

in the future of Voglershausen.

- Good morning, sir.

(Christina giggles)

- Good morning, Miss Harrison.

You come in later every morning.

- Oh, why worry? Life is too short.

- Nothing could be shorter than the dress you have on.

- Don't be so stuffy.

I'm sure it won't corrupt you.

Anyway, you're incorruptible.

- You're totally devoid of morals.

Why are you eating in the office

when there's work to be done?

Here. - If you say so, sir.

That's what I'm here for.

- Read this.

- A-ha, it's claimed by the mayor of Voglershausen

that the local wind boosts the population.

- What do you think of it?

- Fantastic, impressive, and it's natural!

I adore doing it naked-

- (gasps) How dare you air such sentiments?

You depraved creature.

How do you explain this population growth?

- Why explain it, sir?

- Well, because four years ago,

the town was almost done for,

but now the place is going great guns.

It has the highest birth rate in the country.

- Shall I give you a technical description

of how they did it? - You're revolting.

It's a waste of time trying to seduce me.

You won't ever succeed, you know?

- Oh, shoot, and I looked forward to it.

- They'll have to be more specific if they want the award.

First, we'll reply. Take a letter.

Let's see, dear Mr. Mayor,

before we can decide upon a winner,

we must clear up certain details,

certain details about this curious foehn.

- Oh, if only their curious foehn were to blow in here,

over the Ministry of the Population.

- Christina, don't be impertinent!

You've no right to sit there and torment

such a decent employer by showing off your legs like that!

- They came with the body!

I can't leave them at home during working hours.

- Now, there!

- Do you know what you're doing?

If you rip my dress, I'll have to work in my panties then.

- Oh, I know what you're up to.

We won't write to them, we'll go and see them.

(Nagel huffs)

I want to prove that this foehn is so much hot air.

- Yes, but what if you're wrong and it does work, on you?

How could I help myself if you attacked me then?

- Christina, one of these days I'm going to throw

you out on your ear!

- (giggles) Mr. Nagel, I know you wouldn't do that.

You're much too soft-hearted to do that (giggles).

- I wouldn't count on that.

Up till now, nothing's affected me.

The foehn's not going to,

and neither are you.

- [Narrator] Quiet little Voglershausen

is in for some trouble, and all because of the foehn.

Of course, Miss Gaby's surprise gift to the town

isn't going to help the situation.

(bouncy brass band music)

- Father, the surprise is here!

Hi, Lorenz. - Have you picked a site yet?

- Over there, up on the pedestal.

(workers grunting)

- [Worker] There we go.

- My dear child,

it's very thoughtful to erect a monument

honoring your father.

(workers muttering)

- In honor of the reproductive achievements

of my fellow citizens.

Lorenz? - Open it.

(bouncy brass band music)

- [Gaby] The fertility goddess of Voglershausen.

(townsfolk chuckling)

- It can't be!

Did you pose in the nude for that?

- (laughs) Yes, I'm glad you recognized me, Father.

- Gaby, this, this is scandalous!

- No, it's not, it's a copy of a bronze Lorenz did.

The sculptor, Lorenz Fowler, my father, the town mayor.

- Pleased to meet you, sir.

- Yes, well, there's nothing to be pleased about,

dirty young man!

- His sculpture is going to be shown

in a New York art exhibition next month.

- How can she do this to me?

My own daughter, a nude model!

I'm gonna have a heart attack!

Think of your brothers and sisters!

They're gonna turn over in their graves,

eh, I mean their cradles, oh!

- They have no reason to be ashamed.

In a place where love is all-important,

I see the nude body as the soul of the town.

- [Bystander] Oh! - [Bystander] Good for you!

- Annie, come here quickly.

(bouncy brass band music)

(crowd laughing)

There, now that's what I think of it.

(crowd laughing)

- Mr. Mayor, do you wanna make a laughing stock

of our fertility goddess?

Excuse me.

After all, how do you think she's going to breed children

wearing this silly thing in front?

(crowd laughing) - [Bystander] Good for you.

- What are you doing with all this sex,

a well-bred woman like yourself?

- Everyone has to discover it, Papa.

- When Gaby gets around to discovering

what the foehn really is,

I bet she'll have a statue of you erected on the pedestal.

- Quiet! (Christel chuckling)

- [Narrator] Gaby's really stirred up a lot

of excitement with her fertility goddess,

but that's nothing compared to what she can

stir up in person.

- [Gaby] Oh, what do you think of my body?

- It's first-rate.

It's really great.

But I don't see how you dare pose like that naked.

- Lorenz says if you've got a good body,

you ought to display it.

- This Lorenz, what precisely is his relation to you?

- I'm his model, that's all, nothing else.

- Yes, but you're only 18.

- Yeah, I have my whole life in front of me.

So, somehow I feel that life is just beginning today.

Why don't you come swimming with me, Michael.

You can see for yourself if Lorenz was faithful to nature.

- I have work to do.

- Nonsense, that can wait, come on!

- Hey, what's going on?

Inge, come here, hurry!

(pleasant light jazz music)

- And I always thought you were with it.

- Sure.

More or less.

Is anything wrong?

- Is there any reason why you should wear swimming trunks

if I'm going to go in the water stark naked, hmm?

(Gaby giggles)

(pleasant light jazz music)

That wasn't so difficult, was it?

Now, the last one in is a rotten egg!

Oh! (laughing) (light jazz music)

- Oh, that's unbelievable!

You'd think she would have some modesty!

- [Suzanne] Hmm? - [Felicity] Hmm?

- Well, don't look at me, I'm not her real mother.

- Michael's really very handsome now that I see him

in broad daylight.

- Yes, we ought to be congratulated.

(all laughing)

- I wonder for how long.

If ever he and Gaby fall in love, our foehn is a dead duck.

- Suppose we taught him a lesson.

- He must be taught that he has no right

to behave like other men.

- He has plenty to do just keeping all of us happy.

- You're right.

(light jazz music)

(water splashing) (Gaby laughing)

(light jazz music)

(water splashing) (Gaby laughing)

(light jazz music)

(Gaby laughing) (water splashing)

(light jazz music)

(Gaby laughing) (water splashing)

- Come on, I've had enough for one morning.

(baby wailing)

- What's wrong?

Quiet. Stop crying.

You're gonna drive away all the guests,

and that's no way for the son of an innkeeper to act.

Inge, little mother? Oh.

Dear, calm down, little one.

Annie, you must know how to change a boy.

- No, I'm sorry, but I never learned,

and until I get married,

I don't plan on doing that sorta thing.

Go and ask Mr. Becker.

- Yes, he should know.

(baby wailing)

Gustav, Gustav, is your wife at home?

- That's just what I was gonna ask you.

- I can't seem to quiet down this little bastard of mine.

- What?

- Yes, you're a sweetheart.

Yes, you are, boo-boo-boo.

- What's the matter with those silly women?

They're never here when you need 'em, are they?

- No, the trouble a man takes to give them children,

you'd think they could at least take care of them.

- At least.

Well, we'll have to change 'em ourselves.

Annie, we need diapers and powder. Come on.

- Who do you think could've swiped our things?

- Who cares? It doesn't matter.

We can go back the way we are.

- Ah, that oughta take care of one of us anyhow.

Try it on for size.

- You're the one who needs it.

If the women were to see you naked, (giggles)

I'm afraid they'd go wild. - Then we'll share it.

Get in.

- [Gaby] Do you think we'll fit?

- We'll see (chuckles).

You're headed the wrong way.

You wanna walk backwards?

- You're right (laughs).

You'll have to forgive me. (lips smacking)

I'm new at this. - Come on, turn around.

Forward, march!

(Gaby laughs)

- [Gaby] Left, right, left, right, left, right.

Left, right, left, right, left.

- Ooh. (babies wailing)

Pooey!

- Pooey is right.

You know, that kid oughta be disinfected inside.

- Wait till you see what your baby's been up to.

(babies wailing)

- Ew. How 'bout that?

He made twice as much as mine did.

- Well, so what?

A mayor will always come up with more shit than anyone else.

- I'd like to have kids,

only the foehn won't help virgins it's said.

- Give it to me.

- [Inge] What are you doing to the baby?

- [Suzanne] Keep your hands off him!

- Huh, here. A job well done.

- You're gonna be proud of us.

- [Suzanne] I'll take him, dear.

- [Inge] What have you done, deary?

- Let's have a look.

(Mayor chuckling)

Oh.

You're an expert, dear.

From now on, it's your job. - Beautiful.

- Yes, I guess it's probably instinct.

That's how a father knows what's right

for his flesh and blood. (chuckles)

- It's funny, but I have the feeling

it's getting crowded in here.

- Huh, I suppose it's better if I get up front.

- Pity, it does a woman good to discover

that's she's being followed by someone

who's interest has been aroused.

(both moaning)

- Yoo-hoo! Hey there!

Hello, do you suppose you might help me?

I'm out of gas.

- I would, but I haven't any on me.

- What's this, a new position?

I must admit, it's not one I've seen in films.

It looks awfully difficult.

(whistles) How very lovely.

I'd like to compliment you, sir.

- Thou shalt not covet.

It's one of the bonuses of going swimming with Michael.

- Would you like me to take you for a swim?

- Mm, would I ever.

Name the day and I'll be there.

(Gaby grunts)

- [Narrator] The plot thickens.

More competition for Miss Gaby,

and a new worry for the wives of Voglershausen.

(villagers chattering) (pleasant brass band music)

- Michael, I've got a present for you!

- Yeah, from who?

- [Christel] Felicity.

- She's going to wait for the next foehn forever.

(group laughing)

Why are you staring?

You've never seen a barrel before, huh?

(group laughing)

- [Villager] Hey, can you let me your barrel

for a minute? - [Gaby] No!

(villagers laughing)

- Looking for anything special, miss?

- I've found it, I'm keeping an eye on it.

(Crystal laughs)

(bouncy brass band music)

- Don't move. Stop where you are.

That'll make one helluva picture.

(bouncy brass band music)

(group chattering and gawking)

- Go away, you lecherous old man.

- Did you see where your clothes wound up?

- Oh, I should've known.

In order that my statue be covered up,

I have to go about naked.

- [Lorenz] One of the most beautiful things I've done.

- It's obscene, you lecher.

And you, come into the house, you indecent little show-off.

- I can't take your hand without setting the barrel down.

- What are the rest of you staring at?

It's all over, go home.

Come along, I'm sorry, but it's for your own good.

Michael's hardly the man for you.

He's such a degenerate boy.

- He'll swear off other women when I get through with him.

- You leave well enough alone.

(scoffs) I mean, there's nothing you can do.

Men like that can't be changed overnight, as well you know.

There's no use trying.

Now, go and get some clothes on.

(Gaby chuckles)

- Annie, why does everybody pick on Michael?

He's the only real he-man that's left in town.

- Well, it's because of that.

Gaby, I think it's time you were told the truth.

The foehn isn't really the wind.

(chickens clucking)

(both laughing hysterically)

- Good afternoon.

Tell me, do you have a room free?

- With or without a foehn?

- I beg your pardon?

- Our rooms come with or without a phone, miss.

- Good, I'll take a room with it, then.

One must try to keep in touch.

How much extra do you charge for it?

- Nothing, we like our guests to be satisfied.

- I don't know when I've been so cheerfully received.

- Give her room number six.

- [Narrator] Well, Annie let the cat out of the bag

and now the fur will fly, and so might the foehn.

- It's exciting to be in a town

where everyone is totally ignorant of sexual education.

- Well, so far, the town's kept alive

and growing without it.

- I suppose you think so.

You're fantastically naive.

I bet you don't even know about the various measures

one takes before one has sex.

- I'm afraid to ask.

- Too much knowledge about making love

must take the romance out of it.

- Absolutely not!

I learn more facts each day about sex

and I can't wait to put them into practice every night.

- I never learned about it.

You ever learn?

- No, that stuff is way beyond me.

- I wanna be outgoing,

to share my sexual skill with mankind.

I approach the world with a missionary zeal.

- [Michael] Mmm-hmm.

- I shall spread the message of sexual enlightenment

into every nook and cranny.

- You're welcome to use my cranny if you want.

- You know, it's incomprehensible that any man

of your talent should still be unaware of modern methods.

- Oh, I'm, uh, I haven't got the energy for sex.

A hammer and anvil is where the energy goes.

- Does it really? All of it?

Oh, that's something worth seeing then.

- Why don't you just step inside then.

(door creaking)

- I've never seen a blacksmith's.

It's a fascinating place.

You get your poker red hot here, in the forge?

- That's right.

When the iron's red hot,

I hold it over the anvil and begin pounding.

- Hey, you put it here?

Then what do you do with it?

(pleasant light jazz music)

- I, uh. (Dagmar moans)

I work on it.

- You use all of your energy

working on your anvil all day long?

And you have no strength left for making love?

Yet, I'm told that peasants are great sexually.

(pleasant light jazz music)

(both moaning passionately)

- Why don't we go upstairs?

You'll be more comfortable.

- I've always been made love to in comfort.

The books say it's possible to vary the sex act infinitely.

It would help if you kept a tight grip on me, though.

(both moaning passionately)

- Oh.

(church bell ringing)

(footsteps crunching)

Is our sculptor all alone tonight?

- Sorry, have we met?

- No, no, not formally,

but your statue is right in front of our house.

- Ah, I know who you are.

You're the blacksmith's sister.

Won't you please sit down? - Thanks.

- I was just giving some thought to how dull an evening

in Voglershausen can be.

Gaby swears that love is everywhere,

but I don't think I believe her.

- Oh, it doesn't happen every night.

- Let's go for a walk.

I'll bring my pad along and sketch you in the moonlight.

- You mean, uh, in the nude?

- Uh-huh, Gaby does it often.

- I hope you're not gonna pin this one up

in the village square.

- No, I'm keeping this one pinned on the wall.

- Along with your other models, I suppose.

- You'd make every one of them jealous.

- Is it very hard to get models to pose for you, Lorenz?

- [Lorenz] Very hard to find such attractive ones.

- I thought you artists looked at models

as though they were only a means to an end.

- It depends on the end we're after.

- And just what were you after tonight?

- Well, guess. How 'bout you?

(Christel giggles)

(water splashing)

(birds chattering)

- [Christel] (laughs) Watch out there, I'm ticklish.

- You are?

You're also the loveliest young woman

that I've ever drawn in my life.

(both moaning passionately)

(mysterious instrumental music)

(villagers laughing)

- Who do you suppose could've done that?

- Who'd wanna give away the whole show?

- Here he comes.

(villagers chuckling)

- Wearing Michael's clothes, she'll never get pregnant.

- Since he's the least likely one of us to reproduce.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Who's idea was that, Suzanne?

- Well, how should I know?

- None of us would be that crazy.

(villagers chuckling)

(rod hissing)

- [Gaby] Oh, you've got your clothes back.

That's a shame, Mr. Foehn.

- What do you mean?

You took my clothes then? - Why not?

Give the devil his due.

You realize how much deviltry you're responsible for?

I don't see why you're so upset.

You should be proud of yourself for a job well done.

- That's exactly why.

Come on, let's go outside.

(pleasant orchestral music)

You've got to understand.

I know you know who I am, but I won't sleep with you.

After all, you're a virgin, Gaby.

- But why not?

I have to sleep with someone,

and the first one is mine to choose,

so I decided on you.

It'll happen, too.

When I want something, I get it.

- Fellow villagers,

I'm sure you're wondering why this meeting of ours

was called at this unusual time,

and why we're permitting the ladies to join proceedings

when we all know they're trouble-makers.

(fist pounding) (villagers gasp)

- I wish you would stop inventing

and stick to the written text.

This meeting was called because we are facing a problem.

- Will you sit down, please?

I can speak for myself, thank you.

We are faced with a problem, which is,

uh, uh, uh, uh, what's the problem again?

- We've got to have more tourism.

- Oh.

Now, our most pressing problem is that we don't have

enough tourists to please the women.

(villagers laughing)

No, no wait, that's not what I was trying to say.

Aw, give me that!

The meeting will come to order!

Uh, to further the fortunes of Voglershausen,

we must encourage tourists by publishing

a descriptive pamphlet extolling

the phenomenally fertile effect of our foehn,

especially directed to those couples

whose marriages have not yet yielded children.

- [Villager] Bravo. Good idea. (villagers applauding)

- Now, I'm sure that there's no one here

who'd be so foolish as to oppose such a clever gimmick, huh?

- [Suzanne] That's what you think.

- What, who?

(villagers chattering)

- Of course, every woman in town.

- Naturally, it's the women.

- Why, the mayor has a fine proposal.

What have you got against it?

- If you ask too much of the foehn, it's bound to wear out.

After all, everything has a limit.

- Yes, as strong as it is, the foehn couldn't take it!

- Nonsense, nonsense!

(villagers chatting excitedly)

Quiet.

Wait a minute. (bell ringing)

Quiet or I'll have to clear the room!

I've heard a lot of stupid things,

but nothing that stupid.

The foehn is nature's creation.

- It's a work of art (giggles).

- As if the wind cares.

In fact, the more men in the woods, the merrier.

- The foehn won't stand for this!

- I wouldn't be surprised if the foehn avoided strangers.

- They might sue you for false publicity.

- All right, then we'll have to test it.

We are going to ask a childless couple

to spend a few weeks here,

and if the foehn blesses their union by the time they leave,

we'll go into the tourist business for all it's worth.

- Don't worry, we'll see that the foehn is out of order.

(all giggling)

- [Narrator] Unfortunately, the mayor's plans were delayed

by the arrival of none other than our friend

from the capital.

- Greetings, greetings, citizens of Voglershausen.

(playful brass band music)

How do you do, miss? - Good afternoon.

- Mr. Mayor, sir. - How do you do, sir?

- Uh, as the Minister of Population,

I'd like to see the cause of it here.

- Well, that, sir, depends on the foehn.

It may not come.

Mmm, then again it may.

- Uh, yes, I hope so.

Have you met my secretary, Mayor?

Where is that girl?

(playful brass band music)

Christina, I'll thank you to come away from there.

- (sighs) Isn't it thrilling, a naked goddess?

- Yes, awfully thrilling.

I may throw up.

- It's no wonder these villagers love scre-

- (gasps) Eh!

Mister Mayor, I must request that this indecent figure

be removed as quickly as possible from the public eye

before our children are perverted.

- I quite agree, sir.

Balduin, you hear that?

Get 'er out of here, quick.

- Right away, sir.

- What are you doing, hey!

Put me down! (villagers clapping)

He meant the statue there.

- Oh, sorry.

(both chuckling)

- Now, if you would assemble the children

born here with the last four years and their parents,

of course, we shall have a look.

- Of course.

(baby wailing)

- They're not human. They're super-studs!

(baby wailing)

- Afternoon, sir.

- Hmm, hmm-hmm-hmm.

Bravo, I'm very impressed.

Uh, good job. Splendid.

(Mayor chuckling)

I must say, you've done well.

- Eh, thank you. - Thanks, Your Honor.

- Oh, surely, they're not all yours.

- Every one of them, with the help of the foehn.

- Um, have you ever seen such a productive town?

- It might have the same effect on you, sir (giggles).

- Uh, Mr. Mayor, I see no reason for not giving

the population award to your town.

- Oh, thank you, sir, it's a great honor.

- I'm just a little bit curious about the workings of this,

um, of this strangely productive foehn of yours.

Your wives are waiting for it alone in their rooms

and what comes along, hmm?

- Our blacksmith.

- Pardon? (Suzanne gasps)

- This is Michael Haughter, our blacksmith.

Doctor Nagel, Michael.

- How do you do, Doctor?

- Mr. Haughter, are you a father?

- Yeah, uh, no, no, sir, none.

- Oh, you're not doing your share, shame on you.

(Mayor chuckling)

(Suzanne sighs with relief)

I must experience the foehn so as to be judge its effect.

- Doctor Nagel, you weren't really thinking

of exposing yourself to the danger?

- Let go, of course not.

I'm counting on you to protect me.

- [Narrator] The foehn's integrity is at stake.

Is he up to the challenge,

or is it all over for Voglershausen?

- I haven't walked across a meadow

with a pretty young woman since I was a student.

- Goodness, you are forgetful.

Since when am I a pretty young woman

and not just your employee?

Could this be an effect of the foehn?

- Uh, oh.

It's quicker than usual.

The last time my pulse raised was at my doctor's exam.

- Don't worry about it, sir.

If you're bothered by that naughty wind,

rest assured, I'll protect you.

- I'm very grateful to you, Christina.

We'll get to the bottom of this by working together, right?

(pleasant light jazz music)

(Christina laughing)

- (gasps) Oh, what a wonderful spot!

Like lovers dream about.

(Christina humming)

(Christina sighs)

- Christina, I'm afraid your underclothing is showing.

- Oh, really, sir, I think your obsession

with underclothing is unhealthy,

but then, the foehn works on your weaknesses, I'm told.

- That's outrageous.

I merely wish to remind you that you are my secretary

and that you ought to dress accordingly.

(Christina moans) (Nagel grunting)

I can't get it down!

- But you're working too hard.

Do you want it to rip?

Mr. Nagel, what are you doing?

Do you realize how close you came to caressing my thigh?

You're losing control.

- Oh, what's to become of me?

I swear it's five beats more. (Christina laughs)

Maybe, we better get a heart specialist.

- Come on, we'll go for a swim.

- Yes, but I haven't got a swimming suit.

So as far as I'm concerned, forget it.

What sort of an outfit is that?

- It's what's called a bikini.

If you like it, I'll start wearing one to the office, okay?

- I forbid such an exposure of flesh, do you hear?

It's an affront to an employer.

- But today, you're not my employer.

You're just another man.

(pleasant light jazz music)

(water splashing)

Help, Mr. Nagel, I have a cramp!

- I'm coming!

Hang in there, Christina!

(pleasant light jazz music)

(water splashing)

(both gasping)

- Oh, I never knew that you swam so well.

- Well, since my school days,

I haven't done much, eh,

(gasps) swimming.

- Oh, Mr. Nagel, you haven't done anything much

since your school days, have you?

- Is your cramp gone?

- Uh-huh.

- Then tow me ashore 'cause now I have one.

(both gasping) (water splashing)

- [Narrator] That Christina,

she's a pretty sharp cookie.

Well, it looks like our overworked foehn

is gonna get some unexpected feminine help.

That'll be a switch.

Well, there's no foehn like a new foehn, I always say.

(Nagel groans)

- (sighs) Mr. Nagel, you saved my life.

If it weren't for you, I'd nev, oh!

(Nagel gasps)

(Nagel gulps)

(Nagel groans)

Try the other side.

- Eh? Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, good, she's not dead yet.

It's still beating.

Is mine, though?

Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum.

It's so fast, it can't be counted.

Oh, it's the foehn, it's the foehn.

It's the foehn. I've broken out in a cold sweat.

- No, you're still wet from swimming.

That's all it is.

It's the first time you've had a human reaction.

- Oh, forgive me, Christina, for baring your bosom.

I haven't bared a bosom since I was in school.

What made me do it?

- Ooh! - What's wrong?

- Could you massage it?

Ooh, that's where the cramp was, in the muscle.

- Oh, where?

There?

Um, I haven't massaged a girl's leg since-

- Not since you were in school, by any chance?

- [Nagel] Yes, that's right.

- Even so, you haven't lost your touch.

You've no idea how relaxing that is.

Oh, (gasps), why'd you do that for?

(Nagel mumbling incoherently)

- Excuse me. - Why should I?

(Nagel groans)

I think we ought to go now.

- Yeah, yes, but look at me.

I can't have Voglershausen see their minister this way.

- Oh, there's a cabin there.

It's the answer to our prayer.

We'll hang your things up to dry off,

and we'll go inside to warm up.

- A naked cabinet minister in a cabin?

That's not my idea of dignity.

(birds chirping)

- There must be something to these stories

about love in the air.

I sense excitement, don't you?

- I must admit, I'm not myself.

- But you know, you're really much more sexy

the way you are.

Just suppose you tried to rape me now.

I'd enjoy every second of it.

- (gasps) How can you suggest it!

- A couple I know have gone through six years of marriage

without having children.

They would if they lived here.

- Whoa, someone's coming!

(birds chirping)

- [Christina] It's all right, they're stopping.

- If they see me like this,

then my career will be over.

- It will not.

Don't forget that anything odd you may have done,

or anything peculiar that you plan to do,

(Nagel gasps)

it's not you, it's the foehn's doing.

- If you think I'll swallow that silly feminine logic,

you are forgetting one thing.

That whether I am naked or not, I am still respectable.

- Oh. (chuckles)

- At least I try to be.

(Christina chuckles)

I'm going inside.

- Me, too.

A good secretary should always be within the boss's reach,

even in the hay. - True, true.

But just as a precaution, we'll keep a haystack between us.

(Christina giggles)

(pleasant light jazz music)

- Let's begin at the beginning, shall we?

Humans don't make love like animals do.

I suppose all you peasants think of is satisfying yourself.

That's what happens when you have no sex education.

You forget that your partner needs to be satisfied, too,

and not only sexually.

You see, you shouldn't physically force someone,

especially someone who's more experienced.

Always remember that you have a lot to learn

from your partner.

There are so many ways of proceeding.

I'll only mention one or two of the most successful.

In the case of a sensual person, it's-

(Dagmar gasping passionately)

- What made you stop?

You were saying we peasants never satisfy.

- I can't imagine saying anything of the kind.

(both moaning passionately)

(narrator chuckles)

- [Narrator] Our good old friend foehn is working overtime.

(group chattering)

- Suzanne, please let me stay home.

Three little ones are more than enough!

- You're going.

The foehn is a godsend and you have no right

to deprive your wife of that.

- Well, goodbye, goodbye.

- Remember what I said, don't come home too soon.

The older you get, the more time it takes!

- I won't, I promise, sweetie pie.

- Men, forward!

Forward. Here we go!

- [Wives] Goodbye!

- Everything's dry.

Now you can go back to being an insipid beauerocrat again.

- Hmm, I'll overlook the word insipid.

- The word bureaucrat doesn't even bother you?

This goes on first, I think.

Let me help you. - You'll do no such thing.

After all, I'm old enough to dress myself.

- I was only trying to help. You're in such a hurry!

- Help? You've helped enough!

Whenever you help, it just makes things worse,

and they can't get much worse.

- Hmph, well that's the thanks a person gets

for doing a good turn.

(Nagel groans)

- It makes me itch!

- Well, if you'd let me help,

let's see what's pricking you.

(Nagel huffs)

- The foehn is driving us all crazy!

Oh, pickles! (Christina giggles)

(playful horn music)

- [Narrator] The merry men are marching,

but the foehn has made his own plans tonight.

- What the? What's that?

- Oh, Mr. Mayor, that's a peculiar way

of making your tourists welcome.

- [Mayor] Oh, well, I'm awfully sorry, miss.

- Don't let us disturb you.

- Keep it clean.

(villagers chuckling)

(Nagel gasping)

(rhythmic mysterious music)

- Oh, what'll we do?

- [Christina] Come here.

Come on!

- [Nagel] Oh, we just cover me up.

- Oh, no, that's no good.

- Over there.

- [Christina] Here.

(Dagmar chuckling)

- Ever tried it in the hay? - Not yet.

It's another experience to look forward to.

How 'bout there?

- [Michael] Oh, it looks more comfortable over here.

- Well, sweetheart, where were we when we were

so rudely interrupted, hmm?

(both laughing)

Yes, I remember.

- 110, 111, 112, 113.

That's fantastic.

No heart can beat as fast as that!

Do you mind? I can't breathe.

Will you please stop crowding me?

- Quiet down. Do you want them to hear you?

- Oh, no, it's the foehn.

- Listen, what's that noise?

- I don't know.

The wind, I guess.

- You mean the foehn?

Your old legends are awfully charming,

but it would be nicer if you people weren't so naive.

- So, we're naive now?

Well, what do you expect?

After all, we're only peasants.

Anyhow, it's late. I should be getting back home now.

- [Dagmar] Late? Oh, the night is young, my pet. (chuckles)

(villagers grunting)

- Tell me, what's going on there?

- Oh, we, we, uh.

- Will you be so good as to remove your hand from my bosom?

My flesh is delicate.

- Oh, it sure is nice to touch.

I'm sorry to have to give it to someone else (laughs).

- Where are you taking me?

- Oh, the Population Minister.

He said we should get it out of public sight,

so we'll take it to his room.

- Oh, then he's in for a surprise.

- Uh, take her to room number nine.

(villagers grunting)

- Balduin? - [Balduin] Huh?

- We were looking for Michael.

We thought that if we waited long enough-

- We could catch the foehn with the mayor's wife.

- You two are regular spies, aren't ya?

This time, you're outta luck.

He went off to the woods with that blonde.

- Oh, he did?

While half the town is waiting up for him.

- Oh, well.

Why bother with such a good-for-nothing?

Good night, Balduin.

- Sleep well, girls, and sweet dreams.

Balduin, what have you got to lose?

It's a good idea.

- Do you realize what time it is?

(gasps) Balduin!

- I'm the substitute, the real one couldn't make it,

so I'll do the rounds tonight.

- [Inge] How dare you! You're completely mad!

(hands slapping)

- Well, who were you waiting for then?

- My husband, naturally. - [Balduin] Oh.

- I knew you weren't up to it, what an amateur!

You're nowhere near the man the foehn is!

(Balduin grunts)

- [Balduin] Ouch.

- You don't know the first thing about making love!

Was it too much for you?

I'm sorry I wore you out.

- But let me have one more chance.

- Get out!

- [Balduin] Ouch, ooh! (slippers smacking)

(Inge grunting)

But, (groans).

- There he is, at last!

- I warn you, I'm just a substitute for the foehn.

- Better a substitute than nothing, come on!

- (chuckles) Hey!

- I think we can go now.

The two of them are sleeping.

- If you asked me, they've earned it.

Oh, the way they went at it!

I was keeping track. Four times!

- Shh!

- [Christina] Not to mention in the woods-

- Christina, will you hold your tongue?

Shh, shh!

(hay crunching)

Oh, hurry up, come on, come on!

Ooh, come on!

You idiot, come on!

(Christina gasps) Shh!

On tippy toes.

Watch it.

Oh. (groans)

(wood rumbling)

Damn! - Oh!

(Dagmar gasps)

- Oh, what do you know?

We've had an audience all the while.

- Is anyone there?

(playful orchestral music)

- [Nagel] Ow!

Oh! Ow!

(rocks thudding)

(playful light music)

(both gasping and sighing)

- At last.

You know, come to think of it,

there was a better use for that haystack.

- What use, may I ask?

- Oh, well, you might have-

- No, I'd rather avoid the word.

Go to your room and forget this nonsense.

- I'll never forget it.

I'll relive the whole thing in my dreams.

- It's incredible how perverse you are.

Good night!

B-but that, that is your room!

It's over there.

(door rattling)

(gasps) How dare they!

It's a direct affront.

Mmm, I do wish you women would leave me alone.

(Nagel grunts)

How can a man be expected to sleep?

(playful organ music)

Oh, it's that foehn again!

- [Narrator] Well, one man's foehn

is another man's pleasure.

(chickens cawing)

(Dagmar yawns)

- Hello, Gaby, you're up awfully early, aren't you?

- Hello, Miss Cornwall.

You're up late, aren't you?

- Don't be catty, my dear.

(yawns) I'm all worn out.

- The places some people are liable to sleep.

- Yes, in the hay.

Ah, so you're jealous.

You mustn't be jealous, little girl.

It's a waste of time.

- I wonder if you'd have a minute to spare.

- No, not now. I really must go to bed.

- Uh, please?

- All right, if you bring my breakfast to my room then.

- I'll be glad to.

(water splashing)

(knuckles rapping) - Who is it?

- [Gaby] Gaby.

- Come on in.

- [Gaby] Breakfast.

- [Dagmar] Oh, just a minute, I'll have it in bed.

- Sure.

- There, all set.

Won't you sit down?

- Thanks.

- And now, tell me what's bothering you, Gaby.

- Uh, where shall I begin?

- Perhaps I should start by explaining that

I have no intention of making off with your,

well, with Michael.

- No?

- No, I really don't.

I'm a model.

As long as I can have my choice,

why should I pick a blacksmith?

I don't mean to say he's not a dream.

You certainly have to hand it to him

as far as endurance goes.

- Then you're not in love with each other?

- Of course not.

That's as much as you know about life.

Michael and I just made love for the fun of it.

After my experiences with all sorts of lovers,

the primitive type was very refreshing.

I certainly enjoyed it.

However, tomorrow I'll have forgotten

and I'll be with someone else in another town.

It's the truth, and that leaves you to chase

after your blacksmith all you want.

- Ah, you're wonderful! - Watch it!

- Thank you, thank you.

- Have you had your breakfast yet?

- I wasn't in the mood for it.

- Now, would you like something to eat?

- Mm-hmm. I feel ever so much better.

- I fail to see why.

Just because I'm through with Michael

doesn't mean he's yours.

- Yes, it's so hopeless.

What makes him so stubborn?

He says it's because I'm only a virgin.

- Only?

Michael is an uncommon guy, or I wouldn't have bothered.

Now, why don't you try to get him.

- But how?

Oh, I'm sure you can help.

You've had so much experience.

- Sure, but not with men who weren't willing.

You were in a barrel with him when I first saw you.

- Only by accident.

- That figures.

But you've got to surprise him.

That would work.

Are you willing to do anything, Gaby?

- Of course, anything.

I'd be willing to go to the end of the earth

for a lover like that.

- All right, I'll help you if you want.

- [Gaby] I'm afraid I drank your coffee.

- Unless you've got some wild germs,

I'm not going to worry about it. (chuckles)

(distant engine rumbling)

- New guests. I must go. (car horn honking)

I'm calling my first daughter Dagmar, for you.

(Dagmar laughs)

- [Christina] Well, that was quick. I'm glad to see you.

- We left right after you called.

- [Christina] Angela! - Christina.

- What is all this about the foehn?

I've never heard of anything so preposterous.

- What till you've tried it before you knock it.

- There's foehn for everyone.

- What was that?

- Our new greeting for the arrival of guests.

- Oh sure, gotcha. The wind, huh?

I sure hope it works.

- Step this way. - Thanks.

- And that's how it seems to work.

- [Villager] Good afternoon, ladies.

- And most of them are over 60.

- But how do they manage to marry such young wives?

- Oh, it's a question of money.

An older man has more of it and he won't have it too long.

His wife is six months pregnant with number five.

- I can't get over it.

I wonder if it'd work for us.

Poor Fritz has got to do something.

- You'll see. - It wouldn't hurt to try.

- It's true, though.

- But Michael wouldn't do that, I mean-

- He says he's going to leave with her.

- That blonde can't offer Michael anything

that we don't have a lot more of.

- We've got to see that he stays here.

Fix him up with a local girl.

- A local girl?

I think I've got it.

I hope it does the trick.

Oh, Gaby?

- [Gaby] I'm here.

- I wonder if I could ask you a question

of a personal nature.

- Well, you can always ask.

- I was curious to know how your romance

with Michael is going.

- It's not.

You were successful in nipping it in the bud, Inge.

- I don't understand.

If I were in your shoes,

I wouldn't have done what my stepmother said.

- Oh, but my dear, I've done precisely what you said.

- I can't understand your giving up

such a wonderful specimen of manhood so easily.

- Really, just a few days ago, you told me you thought

he was degenerate, Inge.

- But things have changed since then, dear.

Do you really want to lose a handsome guy

like that to an outsider?

Where's your pride in our town?

- I'll do it, sacrifice myself for Voglershausen.

If you wanna know, I intended to all along.

- I'm proud of you, dear.

I was sure we could count on you.

You mustn't forget, though, you've only got one night.

- So what?

When I wanna charm a man, I know how to do it.

Would you mind doing these?

- [Michael] Dagmar, are you sleeping?

- Whoever heard of a girl sleeping

while she's waiting for you?

Hurry.

Please come.

- What is it? Why are you shivering?

(Gaby moaning passionately)

Tell me, how can anyone with your experience

tremble like that?

What's the matter?

- I love you, Michael.

Please, you mustn't say a word.

- Gaby!

- I told you, you'd never get away from me.

- But I had no idea you'd ever try that.

And the worst is,

who would ever expect an 18-year-old to pull that trick?

- Nowadays, women grow up sooner.

- Actually, I'm happy.

I'd hoped this would happen ever since you got here.

You're wonderful, Gaby.

- [Dagmar] I hope you're not angry about the joke

we played on you.

- Oh, of course not.

After all, that's how I got to know my future wife.

- I feel like a marriage broker.

Don't worry, I'm not going to send you a bill.

Now, when I'm gone and you need advice,

I slipped a very useful book under your pillow

called "The Art of Keeping Your Partner Pleased In Old Age."

- That's really a book for you, then.

(both laughing)

- Oh, um, how far is the next town that has a smith?

- It's Groshardfenning, 15 miles.

- Thank you.

- He's said to be over 90.

- Oh, well, he'll be perfect then.

So long.

(engine rumbling)

(bouncy brass band music)

- Bon voyage, Dagmar.

(tires screeching)

- Hey there, I just managed to get Michael

together with Gaby.

I think they'll be happy,

provided he's got to be completely convinced

to turn off the foehn from now on.

- To what? - To boot the foehn act.

You act as if you didn't know.

You don't mean nobody's told you

what's going on all this time?

- It comes as a shock.

Don't tell me there's no foehn!

- Not the foehn you mean.

The wind couldn't produce a thing on its own,

so the village smith does.

- Christina, how dreadful.

- You bet it is.

I very nearly hooked the Population Minister,

but if he ever discovers this, it's all over.

I can't let him find out.

- But how can that help me?

I mean, all I want is a baby,

and I'm not going to get one, so I may as well go home.

- But wait a minute, you're too upset.

Now, calm down and think about it.

If the secret is kept up,

people all assume that the foehn works.

In fact, the very idea is designed to meet a definite need.

If you could keep it a secret from Fritz,

no one would find out.

- You mean I should submit to the village smith?

Why, you, you've lost your head!

- I really mean it.

In your case, first things come first.

You've given priority to a baby and that's that.

The means are justified by the end.

- You're absolutely diabolical!

And you expected me seriously to?

But I couldn't bring myself to do a thing like that.

Just like George Washington, the father of his country.

- The next mother around here is going to be Gaby.

- At her age?

And I've tried for over six years

and nothing seems to happen.

You don't know what it's like.

- Well, if you'll unbend a little, you'll have your child.

- If only I could.

If I wanted, I could close my eyes,

maybe I'd feel better not knowing about it,

so if I just pretend I'm making love to my husband. (gasps)

- What a good idea! It's sheer genius!

You've just come up with an ideal way

to handle an immoral situation morally.

- I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself

for even thinking such a thing.

There's got to be some truth to this Voglershausen myth.

- Oh, I hope Mr. Nagel thinks so.

- I'd be all for it if you help me

get this blacksmith into my room.

- The only way is to use the same trick Gaby did.

Let me fix it with Annie.

That is, if it's okay?

- Mmm, okay.

(playful horn fanfare)

- [Narrator] Once again, the night wind blows

and everyone hopes the foehn will stimulate their senses,

satisfy their desires, and impregnate their wives.

So, forward men, and up the foehn!

(villagers mumbling)

- You know, tonight is going to make

a big difference in my life.

Here, have a slug. It's good stuff.

(both hiccupping)

And what are your plans for tonight?

- Well, I thought I'd get my wife pregnant.

- They're very lucky, Christina and Angela.

They've got an unforgettable night ahead of them.

- Oh, Christina, my knees are shaking.

- You still have time to relax.

- I hope he got the message.

- Well, you can always count on Annie.

You better get undressed.

- Must I be nude?

What's wrong with wearing this?

- Well, if you want to be taken for Gaby, no pajamas.

She's a confirmed nudist, you know.

- Oh, I wish I were calmer, give me a puff.

Mama mia, I feel like a virgin on her wedding night.

(Christina laughs)

- Wait, I'll join you.

- Why, isn't Gaby coming here tonight?

- She sent me a note just now.

She said she'd rather I came to her room in the hotel,

to number six, the same as last night.

And you? How's Lorenz coming on your portrait?

- Oh, we haven't really kept up with it.

You know how it is.

Love seems to run in the family.

(both chuckling)

(door rattling)

- Hey, I hope you're not sleeping.

- Hurry up.

(Angela groaning)

- Why are you shivering tonight?

You don't have to be frightened of me.

(Michael moaning passionately)

Tonight, you can talk to me.

It's not like it was last night,

I mean, about your voice.

- Number nine, Dr. Nagel.

Good foehn to you.

Oh, how I envy your secretary tonight, sir.

- I wouldn't mind that at all, Super Boobs.

(Nagel blows a kiss)

(Nagel chuckles)

Super Boobs, you're drunk.

You mix your nines up with your sixes.

- Oh, that was wonderful.

I've never had it so good.

Fritz, the foehn did it.

- Fritz? Who's Fritz?

- Gaby, who is this Fritz of yours, tell me!

(Angela gasps)

But you're not, good God, you're not Gaby.

- And you.

What is this, you're not my Fritz!

What happened? What have I done?

- Please, don't get excited.

I'm sorry, I'm just as embarrassed.

I'm through with Gaby if she ever finds out about this.

- You're through? How about Fritz?

- I can't understand what happened to her.

(approaching footsteps)

- My husband!

Oh, you've got to get out, hurry!

- (humming) Oh, my little Christina,

as punctual in my bed as in my office.

- Mr. Nagel, I'm not Christina,

and this is not your room, sir.

- Oh, I'm very sorry, madam.

Then I must really have room number nine.

- Number nine, okay.

(playful brass band music)

A foehn for everyone.

Sweetie pie, where are you?

Ah!

(Fritz mumbling drunkenly)

Here I come.

(playful brass band music)

- Well, whatta you know? I'm here already.

Hey, you, you're a little screwed up.

What are you doing in my bed, hmm?

Or is the foehn screwed up?

Oh, don't bother.

I could always go and sleep with Christina.

She's the nextdoor neighbor.

(playful brass band music)

Oh, my beautiful goddess of fertility.

Oh my, you're no statue, you're flesh and blood.

- Just a second, did the foehn affect your eyes, Mr. Nagel?

- Oh, that good-for-nothing, sleeping already.

It's because of that foehn again!

I can't take it.

If anything's gonna be done,

I guess I'm gonna have to do it.

(playful brass band music)

I'm ashamed of you.

You didn't even kiss me goodnight!

(Fritz snoring) (playful brass band music)

- Your secretary is in the room across the hall, number 10.

- Uh, it's all those confusing figures.

I'm sorry I disturbed you (chuckles).

Bye-bye.

(all laughing)

Dr. Nagel, consultation by appointment (hiccups).

See secretary in number 10.

Okay, off we go.

Christina, it's me, the boss.

May, may I please come in?

Hmm?

Mmm, Christina?

Oh!

Yoo-hoo. Oo-hoo!

My secretary is not in,

so I'll wait in my sexretary's bed,

till my sexretary gets back, nah.

- I think it's all right to go.

- Then get going.

Any second now, my husband will come.

Whatever should happen-

- It'll be between you and me.

- That's an understatement.

- You wouldn't happen to know where Gaby is.

- [Angela] How should I know?

- [Michael] I better ask Annie.

- Michael, I'm so glad you came to see me.

- Now stop right there.

Don't forget, I've got first call on you.

Has the foehn given up on married ladies?

- Oh, shut up, stupid.

I wanna know where Gaby is.

- I have no idea where she is,

but I can tell you her room number.

It's number 16. - Thanks a lot.

(bell dinging)

(knuckles rapping)

(dogs barking)

- Michael, why don't you answer me? What's wrong?

- Michael!

- Inge, I'm sorry.

I'm looking for Gaby.

- How could you forget?

Tonight's the foehn's night.

- I'm sorry, the foehn's out of order.

I'm getting married.

- (scoffs) Of course, and you're going to continue

as the foehn when you're married, too.

Wait a minute.

Get out of here, it's my husband!

- Not bad.

What a costume for a man to come home to

when he's had as much foehn as I have.

Tonight, it was stronger than ever!

Come on, let's go inside and we'll see.

- Where can Fritz be? What's keeping him?

Christina, Christina, wake up!

(gasps) You're everywhere I go!

I thought this was Christina's room.

- Well, well, well, who, no,

what do you want with her?

- I want to find my husband.

- Mmm, hiya sweetie.

That foehn was something, you're gonna find out.

- [Both] Ooh!

(head thunks against wall)

- (gasps) Fritz!

- Christina, you-

- Fritz, you're in the wrong room.

(Fritz groaning)

Here, let me help you.

- Hey!

- If you ask me where Fritz is,

that's where you'll find him.

Now, I want to sleep.

(playful big band music)

- Dear, they've got less traffic on Broadway.

(Fritz groans)

(playful big band music)

No one in this room either,

I'm getting sick of that foehn!

- Where do you think Angela is?

Amazing what goes on here.

Wherever she is, this is your room.

Now don't you budge from it.

- Ooh!

(knuckles rapping)

- Lorenz, open up. It's me, Gaby.

Christel, I was at the forge.

Why wasn't your brother waiting for me there?

- Because you wrote him a note saying come to the hotel.

- Oh, Christina, I've looked all over

this madhouse for Fritz.

- Oh, he's safe in your room where he belongs,

but Mr. Nagel, I think the foehn got him.

- No, he's safe in your bed.

- Oh, I do believe that foehn works.

I think it's his Waterloo!

- Have fun.

- [Christina] I will, thanks.

- Hey, wake up Fritz!

(Fritz snoring)

You lazy moron.

How can you sleep when the famous foehn

of Voglershausen's blowing outside?

- Oh, good. It's Mr. Nagel.

(Nagel snoring)

Don't worry, sir, you're not getting kicked out of my bed,

but would you mind sliding over to let me in?

(Nagel groans)

(Nagel snoring)

- What do you mean? I never sent a note.

I expected to see him at the forge tonight,

not at the hotel.

- But honestly, he wouldn't make up such a thing.

- He wouldn't.

I'd like to be very sure, though.

Because if this is just a trick to keep up

this joke of the foehn, the joke's on him!

(door rattling)

(Christel laughs)

- Why don't we stop a while, eh?

You've worked hard enough for one night.

(Christel laughs)

(both moaning)

(door rattling)

- Is Michael here? The village blacksmith, that is.

Was he here?

- I'm afraid, young lady,

you have lot of nerve asking someone that.

- Sorry I disturbed you.

I never should've suspected you.

Anyhow, I'll never have to suspect anyone from now on.

I'll have him fitted with a chastity belt.

(door slams)

- Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot to lock the door.

- I have an odd feeling that we're not where we were.

- Well, I don't know, perhaps they changed the beds.

- Yeah, that's it.

I swear we we had a double bed, very odd.

I guess there's room enough for us, that's all that matters.

- That's all that really matters, sweetheart.

You're so right.

- I'll murder that guy!

I'll make him suffer for this!

He can't do this to me!

Oh, what does he think I am, a fool?

(playful big band music)

(groans) I guess I deserved it.

Whose fault is it that a virgin make love to the foehn?

He warns virgins to run.

Oh, who cares?

Why shouldn't he go on playing the foehn if he likes?

But not with me!

- And I sat up all night waiting for you.

- But I'm sure they said number six instead.

- Some jealous housewife's idea of a joke.

But since the day I fell in love,

I haven't played the game.

- You know, I was going to have you fitted

with a chastity belt.

- Would you have done that to me?

- No.

You know why not?

I'd be afraid of losing the key.

(Michael chuckles)

- [Narrator] Well, the foehn's over.

Or is it? (chicken cawing)

(dogs barking)

(both groaning)

- One night, you love someone,

and the next morning, you smother her.

You're really awful. - Huh?

Last night I loved you?

What do you mean?

(Christina chuckling)

Christina, how do you happen to be in my bed?

- Why don't you look around before making accusations, hmm?

(Nagel grunts)

- I'm sorry, but how, do I happen to be in your bed?

- Darling, why ask questions now

after what went on between us?

- You don't mean it went that far?

- Surely, no man in his right mind

is likely to spend the whole darn night

in bed with a young female admirer

without doing, well, his duty.

- Oh, I was screwed.

- Yes, darling.

Isn't it about time that we set the date

for walking down the aisle?

- (gasps) Oh no!

(church bells ringing)

(crowd cheering and applauding)

- Well, father-in-law.

- I'm proud of you, my boy. - Congratulations.

- And now, the greatest celebration of all

in the history of Voglershausen!

Everybody is invited to join in!

- [Narrator] Well, that about wraps up

our happy ending, folks.

Of course, Voglershausen will have to do without

the tourist trade, but on the other hand,

the virgins won't have to run anymore.

Hey, wait a minute, who's this?

Angela and Fritz, back again?

Uh oh.

- Look!

- Congratulations, everyone.

(group chattering)

I can't wait to tell you. I'm going to be a mother.

- Oh, who knows, he may grow up to be a blacksmith.

- Or a phone-in star.

- Why not? Look, doesn't he look like a proud father?

- We're all proud of you in Voglershausen.

- [Angela] I'm so happy for you, dear.

- And lots of children, of course.

- Thanks, Papa. - Shh.

- All Voglershausen is proud on this festive occasion

of another event about to take place

within a short time of a holiday spent here.

A childless young couple, the Joneses,

have come back to announce that they're in the family way

thanks to the foehn.

(group applauding and cheering)

Now that no one doubts the fertile powers

of our unique aphrodisiac,

we announce the fabulous new resort of Voglershausen,

in which we hope our tourists will multiply.

(group cheering)

- You've got your work cut out for you.

- Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor?

The town square is full of women.

They're asking for the blacksmith.

They wanna see the man who married the goddess of fertility.

- Those women, they always exaggerate.

- When women get out of hand, be firm with them.

- You're impossible.

What women want, women get.

- Well, Michael, go calm them down.

You'll do us all a favor by showing them you're only human.

(Mayor chuckles)

(Gaby laughs)

- Aren't you a little scared that Michael

will go on doing the foehn now you're married?

- I did worry, but not now.

- How are you going to keep him from it?

- It's a secret.

(Gaby whispering)

(both laughing)

And when the next foehn blows, I'll be ready.

(Annie laughing)

- It's official.

On this auspicious day,

we shall have a visit from the foehn.

All men will assemble at midnight.

The celebration goes on.

(playful big band music)

- Has it occurred to you that your life

will never be the same again?

- Naturally, now that I'm a married man.

- From now on, you know the foehn won't work

for anyone else but me.

(playful big band music)

- Inge, our husbands have been gone for half an hour.

What can Michael be up to?

- He's perfectly aware of his responsibility.

- Oh, no, you're not going to sleep.

(lips smacking)

There's a foehn tonight,

and to think of how active you used to be.

(playful big band music)

- How far is he?

They're going to come back soon, aren't they?

- He hasn't even started!

- I don't think there's any chance

of his coming at this hour.

- We've got to do something! - Do what?

Look, to begin with, he's on his honeymoon.

Besides, he's my son-in-law.

If anyone could do something, it's me.

(playful big band music)

- Hey, watch where you snore at!

- Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.

- What a joke.

It's our wedding night and the groom falls asleep.

(playful big band music)

Come on, lover.

One more time so I can be proud of you.

- If you insist, I'll tell you what.

Let's wait for a quarter of an hour,

and then I'll send Balduin in to drag him out.

- Okay. - Good idea.

- Hey, listen, aren't we ever gonna sleep?

- Sleep? What, the pride of Voglershausen?

Where'd all your energy go?

We'll sleep when we're old.

While we're young, we'll enjoy it.

- I don't know what's going on.

Where can he be?

Balduin?

(Michael yawns)

- Look, my darling,

proverb says everything in moderation.

That means in bed, too. (knuckles rapping)

- It's surely a message for you.

(Michael yawns)

- Everyone's upset.

They wonder where their foehn is.

- It's hopeless.

Tell them that the foehn has flown the coop.

(chuckles) No more running after the ladies.

- Come to bed, my little sex pot.

- Yeah, let me cool down.

I hereby ordain you my substitute foehn.

- Oh, that'll be a pleasure, thanks a lot.

- It'll be a pleasure, you say?

I've waited for this a long time.

If pleasure's what you're giving,

I'm gonna be the first to get it.

(Balduin groans)

- [Michael] Baby, this time I've really had it.

- [Gaby] That's not the foehn talking.

Why, you haven't had anything yet.

(bed creaks and thuds)

- [Narrator] Yes, the virgin of Voglershausen

need never run again, but her husband might.

(bouncy big band music)

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

(bouncy big band music)

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪