Original subtitles

(exciting orchestral music)

♪ Jack and the Beanstalk

♪ We'll long remember when

♪ He shimmied up the stalk

♪ To beard a giant in his den

♪ Once up the beanstalk

♪ If Jack is set upon

♪ Then Jack be nimble, Jack be quick ♪

♪ Or Jack, you're good as gone

♪ Up, up, up, up, there he goes ♪

♪ Up to where, nobody knows

♪ Long is the beanstalk

♪ And short is little Jack

♪ The long and short of it is

♪ Is he ever coming back

(dramatic orchestral music)

(steady music)

(ringing doorbell)

- Come in!

(crashing)

Oh, it's you!

I'm sorry Arthur.

I thought it was the babysitter.

- Just what do you have against babysitters?

- Why nothing. - Nothing?

- It's a psychological stumbling block.

The juvenile mind resents the restraint of adult authority.

- You ever have the feeling

you're too old for your age?

- Physically, I'm only eight.

Mentally, the doctors refuse to believe it.

Why do you bring my sister flowers?

Because you want to marry her?

- It's all part of the racket.

Where is Eloise?

- Putting on her lipstick so you can kiss it off.

- Come on, young fellow, I'll put you to bed.

Or your sister and I are gonna be late

for dress rehearsal.

- Why do I have to go to bed?

Only children go to bed this early.

- Arthur, I didn't hear you come in.

- You should have.

I made quite an entrance, thanks to junior.

- Donald, didn't you promise mother and dad

you'd be a good boy?

- I am being good.

It just happens that their standards

are much higher than mine.

- Where's his babysitter?

- His sitter?

Well, Don, go in and wash your teeth and go to bed.

And don't wake your baby sister.

- What's the matter?

- No babysitter.

- There are dozens of babysitters in the neighborhood.

- Well, not for my dear brother.

He's been declared us.

- Have you tried the employment agencies?

- They don't have babysitters.

Well, it looks like my understudy

will have to go on tonight.

- Start calling every employment agency

'til you find one that's open.

Get somebody, anybody.

- Sounds like a bad idea, but I'll do it.

- And I'll handle my pal Donald.

(car honking)

(tires screeching)

(engine revving) (car banging)

- That's pretty reckless driving.

- I'll say it is.

You ought to watch where you're going, big boy.

- Ah.

- What are you trying to do, get away?

- Out of my way.

Out of my way, shorty.

(grunting)

(car rumbling)

I ought to run you in for this.

- You're big enough to carry me in.

- Officer, we're terribly sorry.

- Well alright, but don't let this happen again.

And get off my car!

(smacking)

- What are you gonna do with that?

- Put it away. - Well keep it there.

- Yes?

Uh huh.

I'd better hang up.

We've been talking for 10 minutes.

Here comes my heavy date for tonight.

Bye.

- Who were you calling a heavy date?

- You.

Can you wait outside for five minutes?

What a way to get a ticket.

- Well if I do, I can get it fixed.

I have influence.

- Don't do that!

- Why don't you look where you're going?

See you outside, baby.

- What do you see in a tall, dark, handsome fella?

- Plenty.

- Girls never say that to me.

- What do they say to you?

- Shush, nothing exciting. (phone ringing)

- Cosman Employment Agency.

Yes I have been on the phone for quite a while.

I'm sorry, we don't list babysitters.

- Just a minute, lady.

You are looking at the world's greatest babysitter.

- That's right miss, sure. - Him?

- He is the best.

- Where do you fit in to this?

- Oh I'm his agent.

- Yes, he lets me keep 10% of everything I earn.

- I'm sorry I took so long,

but fortunately, a professional babysitter just came in.

May I have your address, please?

Thank you, he'll be right out.

Goodbye.

- Oh thank you miss.

Gee, you're wonderful.

I like girls like you.

Eyes of blue, and five feet two.

Timber!

- Sorry to be late.

- It's okay.

Shall we go?

- You mean you and I are going out together?

- You see dink, I have a way with girls.

Please.

- Now listen! - Yes daddy.

He's so big!

- Come on, we've got babysitting.

Get with it.

(engine rumbling)

(thudding)

(thudding)

Why, why are you so clumsy?

- I'm excited. - Why?

- This is my first job.

Gee I hope he's a sweet child.

I love children! - Come on.

(doorbell ringing)

- It's about time they got here.

- Are you the-- - Babysitter?

He sure is.

- You're kinda big for a baby.

- You're not for me.

- Oh, rejected again.

I guess it isn't my night.

- Won't you come in?

- Sure. - Surely.

- Well, we'll be plenty comfortable here.

- Well it's too late to get anyone else.

Have you had much experience with babies?

- Why yes sir, I've been a baby all my life.

- Don't you worry about Jack.

The kids just love him.

He makes 'em feel so superior.

- In which they are. - Sure.

- Well they're both sound asleep,

and I'm sure you won't hear a sound

out of them all night.

But if you need anything...

- Oh no, Madame.

I don't need a thing.

I'm prepared for everything.

- No one's prepared for Donald.

- Well, good luck, and we'll be home after 11:00.

- Oh, you're going out right now?

Oh, costumes.

Going to a masquerade ball?

- No, a play.

- A play, kids are gonna play.

May I see you out the door?

Excuse me, I'll help you.

Oh miss, in case I want to see the children,

just where are they?

- Oh they're in the bedroom down the hall.

- Thank you.

- High class, huh?

(baby crying)

- Music to my ears.

My first victim.

Duty calls!

See you, Mr. Dinkel!

(baby crying)

This calls for action.

(thudding)

Shush, quiet.

You want to wake up your sweet little brother?

Now what seems to be the trouble?

(baby crying)

Have a nice nap.

This is my real business, I know kids.

Goodnight.

- Get me a glass of milk.

- What'd you say?

- I said get me a glass of milk.

- This is unbelievable.

This kid talks better than me.

- You're not very bright.

- I'm sorry, kid.

What school did you go to?

- The baby isn't talking, I am.

- I know you're talking, but who?

- I'm talking over here.

- This kid ain't even moving her lips.

This is a baby ventriloquist!

- I'm talking over here.

- I know it's you.

I mean, I'm, your, ah.

You?

What's your name?

- Donald.

- Are you a good boy?

- No, it's not my nature.

I'm a problem child.

- Get a load of the kid, he's a problem child.

Just like me, I think.

Would you like to have me read you a story

before you fall asleep?

- That's been tried, too.

(thudding) (grunting)

- Oh this kid, been tried too.

Breath, out, you,

I ought to, I ought to, I ought to...

"Jack and the Beanstalk."

That's my favorite novel!

Donald, can I read this to you?

- Well, I want to keep you happy.

Let's hear how it goes.

- Thank you, Donald.

Once upon a time,

that's pretty exciting, isn't it?

Once upon a time, a whole village was tur--

A whole village was terr--

- Terrorized.

- Yeah.

Yeah, the whole village was terrorized

by a ferr--

A furr-- - Ferocious.

- Yeah.

Donald, do me a favor.

This is a very exciting book

about the giant and everything.

Will you read it to me, please?

I can't get over the big words.

- Only because I'm fascinated by you.

Here, hold my club.

- Yes, fascinated.

- Once upon a time,

a whole village was terrorized

by a ferocious giant. - Yeah.

- Who lived in a castle in the sky.

In this village lived a simple peasant boy named Jack.

And his widowed mother.

They had come up on hard times because of the giant.

One day, Jack was told to bring their only cow

to the market and sell him for food.

Jack, being very stupid--

(voice drowned out by music)

- Hey!

Wee!

Ooh, ooh!

(humming)

(exciting music)

Princess Eloise.

(steady music)

(cow mooing)

Your Highness.

- I wonder if I could have a glass of water.

- Yes, your Highness.

Hey Billy, can you imagine me

getting water for the Princess?

(sighing) (fabric tearing)

Uh oh.

(goat baaing)

See anything, Billy?

(baaing)

Oh Princess, I would've brung you the water.

- I'm a little tired of people waiting on me.

It must be wonderful to be allowed

to do everything you want to, whenever you want to.

- Oh, you don't get around much, do you?

- What do you mean?

- You mean you haven't heard?

There's no food in the village.

The giant, he's taken everything.

He's even taken your father's crown jewels, didn't he?

- That's why I have to marry Prince Arthur.

- Well, isn't it a love match?

- I've never even seen him.

But his people have money.

Did you ever have to marry a man you've never seen?

- They tell me I'm a boy.

- So you are.

And a very nice boy.

- Thank you, your Highness.

Why don't you run away?

- Princesses can't do that.

- Oh, but maybe he'll be young and handsome,

and you'll fall madly in love with him.

- That only happens in fairy tales.

Thank you for the water.

- Thank you, your Highness.

And Princess, remember.

Have courage, fear nothing when you're in the right!

That's my motto!

- Jack.

- Yes, mother?

- Jack, you must stop talking to yourself.

- I wasn't talking to myself, mother.

I was talking to the Princess Eloise.

- Princesses don't talk to peasant boys.

Oh Jack, when are you going to grow up

and get some sense?

- Does one go with the other?

- Jack, I've come to a very important decision.

- You're not gonna give me away.

- No.

If we're not to starve,

I'll have to sell our last valuable possession.

- No, you're not gonna sell the cow.

- She has to go.

- You can't sell Henry.

- Jack, how many times have I told you,

Henry isn't a proper name for a cow.

- Alright, from now on, I'll call her Halbert.

But you still can't sell Henry.

- Take her to the market this morning,

but be sure to get a good price.

- Yes mother.

You can depend on me.

Whatever they bid, I'll bid higher.

- Jack, you'll be selling, not buying.

- There's a difference?

- Fetch me a pale of water,

and then be on your way.

- Yes, mother.

(gentle suspenseful music)

Now look, Henry.

This is the last time I'm gonna let you look.

You look beautiful.

You and I are gonna part very soon.

You were the only thing I loved.

Now this is the last look you're gonna get, Henry.

Take a look.

Don't you look pretty?

Oh, parting is such sorrow.

We gotta go, Henry.

Uh oh. (trumpets blaring)

- Whoa, boy.

Tell me, young fellow,

will this road take me to the royal palace?

- No sir, but your horse will.

Say, you're Prince Arthur.

- So they tell me.

- Oh boy, will the Princess be surprised.

- Princess Eloise?

- Mm-hmm, you should've heard

what she said about you this morning.

- No worse than I said about her.

Any girl who will marry a man

for his father's money-- (rumbling thunder)

- Uh oh, the giant.

It's the giant, Henry.

But you're safe with me.

I won't let him take you.

See?

What did I tell you, Henry?

I protected you.

Now look, Henry, I gotta go tell the Prince

about the bad giant, stay here.

Hey Prince, where did you go?

Oh come on, this is no time to play games.

Oh Prince.

Oh Prince!

Hey Prince, hey Prince! (dogs barking)

Get off me!

Help, help me! (dogs barking)

(mooing)

He's a rough one, Henry.

Cut it out, no! (dogs barking)

- But why don't you have any cloth?

- My good woman, for cloth you need wool,

and for wool you need sheep,

and someone stole all our sheep.

- Oh I don't believe that silly story about the giant.

- Oh, there's a giant alright, Mrs. Mergatroyd,

because I saw him.

- You see a lot of things that other people don't.

- Did you really see him Jack?

- I saw his shadow.

- How do you know it was the giant's shadow?

- That's a very good question, goodbye.

- Where are you taking that cow?

- I'm gonna take my cow to Mr. Dinkelpuss the butcher.

(people chattering)

- What's all the excitement?

- You have a whole cow.

- And don't you try to deceive us!

- You're not gonna hold this one for the black market.

The idea of selling those less

sirloin steaks for seven cents a pound.

There ought to be a law.

- Now ladies, ladies, ladies.

I haven't seen a cow around here for months.

But you bring somebody to me with such an animal,

I'll reward him like he's never been rewarded in his life.

I'll make him rich, richer beyond his dreams!

I'll pour gold into his pocket.

I'll pour gold so deep, that--

Wait a minute, not that scrawny animals.

Huh, you're not trying to pawn him off to me

as first grade beef?

Why I wouldn't let my worst customer use him for stew.

- Her.

And I love Henry.

- Well, everybody to their taste,

but come inside, Jack,

and I'll give you the best deal I can afford.

- Come on, Henry.

(cow mooing)

- Imagine that.

I mean, all beef, we haven't had any,

and look at this cow.

I'd like to get some of that.

- I certainly would, too.

- What you doing?

Hey, what's the idea of that?

- Well I don't want everyone to know

how generous I am.

- Oh, how much are you gonna give me for the cow?

- What, you're asking money for that wonderful animal?

I was gonna give you beans.

- What do I want with beans?

- What do you want with my magic beans?

I should have my head examined.

Trying to make you rich.

Money you're asking for, eh?

I'll give you money, worthless money.

How much do you want?

Any price at all, how much?

- Now wait a minute, Mr. Dinkelpuss.

I don't want that worthless money.

Either I get the magic beans or I take Henry home.

- Well, you strike a hard bargain, boy.

- No beans, no cow.

- Well I know when I'm licked.

Come on out in the garden.

I keep my beans hidden out there.

Come on.

- Magic beans.

You gotta get up awfully early in the morning

to put anything over on me.

Come on, Henry.

Let's go, Henry.

Henry.

- One, two, three, four.

Now, they must be around here someplace.

You've gotta keep 'em buried, you know.

You can't let the village know

where these magic beans are.

They're priceless.

There they are.

My magic beans.

Don't tell anybody that I gave them to you, will you?

- Yes sir. - Shush, it's a secret.

But I'll never realize,

I'll never know how you ever talked me out of them.

- Mr. Dinkelpuss. - What?

- Can I say goodbye to Henry?

- Well surely, go ahead.

- Alone. - Alone?

Right ahead.

- I gotta say goodbye now. (melancholy music)

Be a good boy for Mr. Dinkelpuss.

Do you mind if I kiss you goodbye, Henry?

You's such a good pal.

- The Princess!

- The giant has stolen the Princess.

- Henry, you hear what they're yelling?

The giant has kidnapped the Princess.

(people chattering)

Goodbye, Henry.

(melancholy music)

(rumbling thunder)

(cow mooing)

- Now don't worry.

I've been robbed!

- Mother!

Mother.

A terrible thing has happened.

- Oh, somebody swindled you out of our cow.

- Oh no, I made a nice deal for Henry.

But the giant kidnapped the Princess,

and is holding her for ransom.

- Oh the poor girl.

I'll gladly contribute the money

you got for the cow.

- Money.

Only a fool would take worthless money

for such a valuable animal.

I got five magic beans.

- Oh Jack, why is it whenever I send you on an errand,

you always do the wrong thing?

- One, two, three, four, five magic beans.

Ain't I a smart boy for out-smarting the butcher?

- You were indeed.

Plant the beans, my boy.

Maybe they'll grow something that we can eat.

- Mother. - Plant the beans, Jack.

- I'll plant the beans.

I'll plant them.

(humming)

Oh, you're not ordinary beans, are you?

Please, beans.

Will you grow like magic beans?

So I can prove to my mother and everybody else

that I'm not addle-brained like they think I am?

Or am I?

Oh magic beans.

One, two, three, four, five.

Grow, please grow.

(gentle music)

- Jack, will you please go to bed?

- Yes mother.

Please grow for me, magic beans, please.

(bright mystical music)

(lively music)

(suspenseful music)

(gasping)

Mother, mother!

Mother! (upbeat music)

Mother!

- Jack, what do you want?

- Will you please get my mother?

- I am your mother.

- Mom, mother, look!

Look, the beanstalk!

(people chattering)

(horse whinnying)

- Huge beanstalk!

Look at it!

It goes way up in the sky!

- I tell you all. (people chattering)

I grew this beanstalk last night.

With five beans that I planted.

Five magic beans.

- Jack dear, please stop repeating that nonsense.

- Mother, this isn't nonsense.

This is the truth.

- Hey, are those the beans that I gave you

for that cow that disappeared?

- You mean Henry ran away?

- Yes, and I want my beans back.

- Don't you dare disturb that beanstalk.

It might lead up to the giant's castle.

- So what? - So what?

Maybe a brave boy will climb that beanstalk

and kill the giant and save the Princess,

and live happily ever after.

- Oh no, Jack.

The giant will kill you like he did your poor father.

- Have no fear, mother.

I'm gonna climb that beanstalk,

and I'm gonna kill the giant,

and avenge my father.

And then I'm gonna save the Princess.

And while I'm up there,

I'll look for our little Nelly.

- You mean this boy had a sister?

You poor unfortunate woman.

- Oh no, Nelly was our hen

who laid the golden eggs.

- A hen that lays a golden egg?

- 14 carat.

- Up there? - Oh sure!

- Well, let me help you, my boy.

- Goodbye, mother. - I'll go along with you.

- Goodbye, mother. - That's a boy.

Take your time now.

There we go.

- Goodbye mother. (people chattering)

- Don't worry, Mrs. Strong.

He won't be back.

- You don't understand.

He wasn't much.

But he was all I had. (steady music)

♪ There goes Jack

♪ The reckless fool

♪ He's scooting up the beanstalk ♪

♪ And with another fool

♪ Maybe tonight the two

♪ Will be battling out the hole ♪

♪ There goes Jack

♪ The village loon

♪ And almost up the beanstalk

♪ Scampering to the moon

♪ Doesn't know what he's doin'

♪ He's hurrying to his ruin

♪ Now giant finds it bothersome ♪

♪ To grapple with the midget

♪ He'll pin young Jack beneath his thumb ♪

♪ And strike him with a digit

♪ Strike him with a digit

(exciting music)

♪ Jack and the beanstalk

♪ We'll long remember when

♪ He shimmied up the stalk

♪ To beard a giant in his den

♪ Once up the beanstalk

♪ If Jack is set upon

♪ Then Jack be nimble, Jack be quick ♪

♪ Or Jack, you're good as gone

♪ Up, up, up, up, there he goes ♪

♪ Up to where, nobody knows

♪ Long is the beanstalk

♪ And short is little Jack

♪ The long and short of it is

♪ Is he ever coming back

♪ Jack and the beanstalk

♪ There goes Jack

♪ But is Jack ever coming back

♪ I'll be back and when I've reappeared ♪

♪ With the giant by the beard

♪ You will tell the kids the legend ♪

♪ Of the famous giant-killer Jack ♪

♪ Jack and the beanstalk

♪ Jack and the beanstalk

♪ Oh

(exciting music)

- Come on, Mr. Dinkelpuss.

Give me your hand.

- Wait a minute.

- Ooh!

- Take it easy.

- Let's go. (gentle music)

The giant!

- I am the butcher.

- Well, cut me up.

Mr. Dinkelpuss. - What?

- The giant's castle.

- What?

Hey, you're right.

Look at it.

(suspenseful music)

Come on.

- We're in giant land.

Wait a minute.

Look at those footprints.

- Wow.

- We must be getting close to the giant.

Come on.

Mr. Dinkelpuss.

- Now wait a minute.

Are you sure that hen Nelly lays golden eggs?

- Mm-hmm. - 14 carat?

- Mm-hmm.

- Well, then don't be afraid.

- I won't. - Just follow me.

(steady music)

(suspenseful music)

(growling)

- Wait a minute, Mr. Dinkelpuss.

- What's the matter?

- How come your shadow is bigger than mine?

- Well the taller you are,

the taller your shadow.

You see, that's a basic principle of mathematics.

- I am shorter than you.

Therefor, my shadow should be smaller than yours.

Mathematically speaking, right?

- Right, why?

- My shadow is making a fool

out of your mathematics.

- Why, why that's impossible.

That can't be your shadow.

- No?

Well watch this.

(gentle music)

- Amazing.

- You think so?

Now watch this.

(gentle music)

- Can you imagine that?

Now if I didn't see this with my own eyes,

I wouldn't believe it.

It's absolu--

Hey.

What, the--

(suspenseful music)

- Hey Mr. Dinkelpuss, you've gotta look at this.

This is terrific.

(gentle music)

Mr. Dinkelpuss.

Mr. Dinkelpuss.

Oh, I think he's afraid of my shadow.

Why don't you be like me?

I'm brave because--

♪ I fear nothing (bright instrumental music)

♪ When I am in the right

♪ Whoever pushes me around

♪ Will find me full of fight

(humming)

♪ I fear nothing

♪ When I do nothing wrong

♪ And so I toddle on my way

♪ And sing a merry song

♪ I'll be defiant

♪ And be obstreperous

♪ If any giant should try to salt and pepper us ♪

♪ If thou rise up

♪ Up to my fullest height

♪ 'Cause I fear absolutely nothing ♪

♪ When I'm in the right

(scat singing)

♪ A man believes what he believes ♪

♪ And by these principles, a man must stand ♪

♪ A time will come for rolled up sleeves ♪

♪ And it might help to have a fist on hand ♪

♪ If I believe that I am right

♪ There's only one thing to be done ♪

♪ I don't go looking for a fight ♪

♪ But I have never run away from one ♪

♪ But only fools will take a dare ♪

♪ And there are things that only fools defy ♪

♪ If you smell trouble in the air ♪

♪ I'll hold my breath until the breeze blows by ♪

♪ I'll snort defiance

♪ Like some rhinoceros

♪ Afraid of giants

♪ Now isn't that preposterous

♪ I find courage a thing of great delight ♪

♪ Sing fee-dilly-ay and fee-dilly-I ♪

♪ With steady hand and steely eye ♪

♪ I fear nothing when I am in the right ♪

(scat singing) (gentle music)

(weeping)

(roaring)

(suspenseful music)

(growling) (roaring)

(suspenseful music)

- How did you get here before me?

- I made a new path through the forest.

- Did you see what I saw?

Did you see that giant?

He's as big as the trees.

Please, why did you ever talk me into this thing?

- I didn't talk you into this.

- Now listen, you know my reputation in the village.

You know I had to listen to you.

Why did I ever let you do it?

Why did you do it?

Well don't stand there

with your mouth wide open, say something!

- Mr. Dinkelpuss, I'm up here to save the Princess.

- The Princess? - We gotta save her.

- You're right, the Princess. - There's the castle.

(wind howling)

Let's go. - Come on.

What am I doing?

Go ahead.

- Thank you.

- Oh, it's beautiful.

But it's a trifle too small for me.

- A trifle, she says.

The only thing I do wish

I knew why the master keeps

a wench like you around.

- He likes my cooking.

And I don't want to hear another word out of you.

- Oh cuckoo.

Can you make an Irish stew?

Can you boil a potato like my poor mother used to boil them?

- I can put you back in the cupboard if you don't shut up.

- I know you can tell 'em that

you never put the Princess in her cell

like he told you to.

- You win this time.

- Patrick always wins.

Come back to Urden, my violin, my violin.

Oh just in fine voice I am today.

- I still can't believe that harp talks.

- He talks too much.

- How do I look?

- Ready to be locked up.

- Well do I have to be?

- Orders, me dainty beauty, orders.

- Unfortunately, he's right.

- I meant to ask you, are you the giant's wife?

- Heavens no, I'm his housekeeper.

He stole me last year from another kingdom.

- Well what will he do with me?

- Release you for ransom money, perhaps.

- And if there is no ransom money?

- You'd make a lovely Sunday dinner.

(gentle strumming)

- Music in a dungeon like this?

- Thank you for calling it music,

whoever you may be.

- Who is he?

- A troubadour the giant picked up yesterday.

- Who are you?

- I'm just a girl from the village below.

- What's your name?

- Darlene.

- Are you as pretty as your name?

My guess is yes. (gently strumming)

- That's a nice melody.

Are there words to it?

- Not yet, but there can be by tonight.

What will you be doing?

- What did you have in mind?

- A rendezvous in the garden.

I'll speak to the giant about it.

- Fee fie foe fum.

I smell the blood of an Englishman.

Be he alive or be he dead.

I'll grind his bones to make my bread.

- Mister, if I'm too heavy for you,

I'd justly walk.

- Me too.

(laughing)

(weeping)

(banging on door)

- Open the door!

- Take me with you.

(giant laughing)

- Open the door! (banging)

- Open the door!

Open it!

- Here's some extra help for the kitchen.

- You're a little one, aren't you?

- Well I grow on people.

(sneezing)

- Bless you, me boy, bless you.

- Who said that?

- What do you know, a talking harp.

- You said that?

- I said bless you.

And I'm sorry now that I see

your silly little face a bit closer.

- Oh!

- Thank you, master.

'Tis a sight for sore eyes, it is, yeah.

- Thank you, Patrick.

- Well, I'm off to hunt in the forest.

- Will you want any supper?

- Just a midnight snack.

- Anyone we know?

- Could be. (laughing)

What's the matter with you?

- Did you hear that?

- Yeah, I hope it's not me.

(weeping)

- Then what's the matter with you?

- You're standing on my foot!

- Ah.

- Come with me.

I'll show you what you're supposed to do.

- Yeah, you show me, and I'll show him.

- Make the little fat one work 'til his back breaks.

Oh I love the sound of cracking bones.

- You're a bad harp,

and you're gonna have a bad end.

- Sticks and stones, sticks and stones!

- Alright blabber mouth.

Into the cupboard you go.

- Don't you dare put me in that dark cupboard again!

Don't you dare!

A thousand curses on you.

Oh I'll have me revenge!

♪ Come back to him

♪ The morning, the morning

A thousand curses on you, nas--

- That harp had very bad bringing up.

- You must be hungry.

Would you like a glass of milk before supper's ready?

- Thanks. - Thank you miss.

Or is it Mrs?

- It's miss, why?

- Well, when I look at you--

- Now now wait now now.

You're too young to go out with girls.

- Yeah, but this might age me fast.

Here's to us.

- No, leave that alone.

- I don't want to lose any of it.

- Well don't get hoggish.

- To us! - To us!

Why you sweep me off my feet.

- I'd need a little help for that.

Well, here.

It's Henry's, she's here!

- How do you know?

- No other milk ever tasted this pleasant.

Where is she?

- There's plenty of time for that,

but I have an idea how we can escape,

if you're interested.

- We're interested.

- Not me.

Not unless I can take along the Princess.

- Does she mean that much to you?

- Oh no, you jealous?

You needn't be.

I promised my mother that I would

return home with the Princess.

And after all, a boy's best mother is his friend.

Huh, is that right?

- No! (gasping)

- Your song's finished.

- My song?

- Listen. (strumming lightly)

♪ Darlene, a song for Darlene

♪ Darlene

♪ For you alone

♪ Darlene

♪ Your name is music (romantic music)

♪ Music I've never known

♪ He walks in heaven

♪ Who walks with music

♪ And it's heaven being here

♪ Heaven being very near

♪ Darlene

♪ My darling Darlene

♪ Darlene

♪ My song is

♪ You

- That's beautiful.

- It's mush.

- Jack. - Princess!

- Sh, don't call me that.

- What are you here, incognito?

- Well sort of.

There's a young man in the next cell,

and I don't want him to know who I am.

- Why not?

- All my life I've wanted someone to know me as me.

Not as Princess Eloise.

- You have but to command, your Highness.

Here, eat this.

That will make you good and strong

so we can sail you over the wall.

- Sail me over the wall?

- Yes, we're gonna build catapults

out in the garden.

And the housekeeper, she thought of it.

She's on our side.

- Oh, you don't supposed she'd let us out tonight

for a rendezvous in the garden?

- Princess, I didn't think that you cared for me.

- Not you.

I meant the young man I told you about.

- Oh.

Well, if I approve.

After all, I am one of your royal subjects.

And I do so want to see our Princess

go out with the right fellow.

Goodbye, your Highness.

(banging)

Prince Arthur.

I wondered what happened to you.

- Hey, aren't you the young fellow with the cow?

- I'm alone now.

Here's your supper.

- I guess the Princess was disappointed

when I didn't show up at the wedding.

- I never saw a girl cry so much in her life.

What are you whispering for?

- I don't want the girl in the other cell

to know I'm a Prince.

- You don't? - No.

Look, you seem to have some influence around here.

You don't suppose you could--

- Let you out tonight so you could have

a rendezvous in the garden?

- How did you know?

- It's a secret.

But first of all,

I'll have to get you some other clothes,

because the clothes you have on

make you look too much like a Prince, Prince.

Or, your Highness, excuse me.

(banging)

I'm sorry.

(squealing)

- What have you decided?

- Well, his parents don't have the background of yours,

but he's a wonderful fellow.

And your loyal subject approves.

- Thank you, Jack.

- I just got through telling the housekeeper,

and now I'm gonna tell you.

- What's on your mind?

- The Prince is not the Prince,

and the Princess is not the Princess.

- Then who are they?

- Just a boy and girl in love.

Tonight, I want you to order a full moon

and keep the stars shining bright.

History is gonna be made tonight.

- Princess.

- Mr. Dinkelpuss, I just got through telling you.

She's not the Princess, she's Darlene.

Aren't you, Princess?

- Are these the catapults?

- Yes, this is my own creation.

You see, all you have to do is get on here,

I cut the rope, and zoom, you go right over the wall.

- Will it work?

- She's asking me will it work.

(laughing)

- I'm asking you too, will it work?

- Will it work?

Get on here, Jack.

- Wait a minute, is it dangerous?

- Well it's far too dangerous for a human being.

But get on here,

I'll show you what I've been working on.

Get-- - Wait a minute.

Too dangerous.

Much too dangerous for a human being?

Hmm hmm!

Come, Princess, I mean, Darlene.

- Oh, it's a lovely night to be somebody else.

Tell me, what's he like?

- He sings very pretty.

- Oh I know but shall I,

shall I let him kiss me if he tries?

- Oh Princess.

Why not?

- I had your word you won't try to escape.

- You have my word.

- Jack!

Come on.

- He loves me. (gentle music)

He loves me not.

He loves me.

- Stop right there.

Don't take a chance.

- You're...

- And you're...

- That's right.

- Is it?

- I didn't expect somebody so...

- Neither did I.

- Won't you?

- Sit down?

- Thank you, I will.

- Would I be bold if I...

- If you put your arm around me?

♪ There's a dreamer's cloth that dreamers weave ♪

♪ A tapestry

♪ Of make believe

♪ The fine brocade

♪ Of all your schemes

♪ Exquisite fabric from

♪ The mill of dreams

♪ The threads are golden

♪ Of silken strands

♪ But not to hold in

♪ These eager hands

♪ Maybe if someday

♪ Our arms entwine

♪ We'll weave a dreamer's cloth ♪

♪ That's yours and mine

♪ Imagination isn't real

♪ But isn't it a spinning wheel ♪

♪ That spins the fabric on the loom ♪

♪ The frame that has a world of room ♪

♪ So spin your world and round you go ♪

♪ And sew and stitch and stitch and sew ♪

♪ The dreams you spin are finally spun ♪

♪ And dreamers work is never done ♪

♪ The threads are golden

♪ Of silken strands

♪ But not to hold in

♪ These eager hands

♪ Maybe if someday

♪ Our arms entwine

♪ We'll weave a dreamer's cloth ♪

♪ That's yours and mine

♪ If only dreamers cloth

♪ Were yours and mine

(gentle music)

- He's kissing her.

I mean, she's kissing him.

Hap, hap, hum.

Oh, they're in love.

- Dance?

- Yes.

(romantic music)

(whistling)

(wailing)

(smacking)

(smacking)

(thudding repeatedly)

(gasping)

(thudding) (dramatic music)

(smacking)

(suspenseful music)

(thudding)

What are you doing with the hammer?

- What am I doing with the hammer?

I'm gonna tap every one of those hens

'til I find the one that lays the golden egg.

- Polly want a cracker?

- No, I'm sick and tired of that line.

(whistling) (chirping)

(hens calling)

- Mr. Dinkelpuss, make sure you find Nelly.

- I'll find her, alright.

(tapping)

(chickens brooding)

- Mr. Dinkelpuss. - Yes?

- Did you find Nelly yet?

- Not yet!

- Well she's easy to find!

She's pure wight and wears a little red hat.

- Have you got that chicken food mixed up yet?

- Oh, will be soon.

And wait 'til you see the eggs they lay.

- Well hurry up.

I've got to get to the catapults.

(chickens squawking)

- I'm a little farm boy.

I'm one guy that knows how to mix this food, Mr. Dinkelpuss.

- Well feed the chickens!

- I will. (chickens chattering)

(humming)

- Go ahead, feed it to 'em.

- Okay, chicky chicky chicky chicky!

(stomping)

- And a good, good morning to you, master.

Erin go Bragh.

- Good morning, harp.

Housekeeper, housekeeper!

Where's my breakfast?

- On the way.

- And bring me my favorite hen.

- And what, heaven forbid,

do you see in that white-feathered biddy?

- Golden eggs, Patrick.

Solid golden eggs.

- The cells are unlocked,

and I put the keys back.

- They're whispering, master.

What are they whispering about?

- Oh I hate him.

- Please take care of yourself.

- I think she's worried.

She cares for me.

- Where's my breakfast?

- Yes, master.

- Here's the eggs.

Everything is going fine.

- I'll go mad, stark raving mad

if they don't stop that whispering.

- Hey, get a load of those jewels.

(whistling)

Come on.

- Beautiful they are,

but can they bring you happiness?

- How'd that little one get in there?

Where's my breakfast?

- You heard the giant.

Can I help you put 'em away?

- Can I trust you?

- Why, what a ridiculous question.

- Can I trust you?

- Well frankly, no. (chicken squawking)

- My jewel of jewels.

- My jewel of jewels.

What can she do that I can't do?

- Can you lay a golden egg?

- I shudder at the thought.

- Show him how talented you are.

(squawking)

Lay, hen, lay.

- Nelly.

How could you?

- It's only gold.

- It's my main source of wealth.

Take her away.

You.

- Yes sir.

- I like a dishonest man who admits it.

Carry these jewels back to the vault.

She'll show you where it is.

- Yes sir.

- Do I or don't I get my breakfast?

- Yes sir.

- A man could starve around here.

Make me a small omelet.

- Two eggs? - 22!

- 22.

Fresh laid this morning.

I fixed them special breakfast food myself.

(sizzling)

(booming)

(booming)

(growling)

(banging)

(crashing)

- What's all the shooting around here?

- Don't ask me, ask the eggs.

- Eggs don't explode.

- Oh no?

Look at this.

- Ah, give it here.

(booming repeatedly)

(growling)

You numb skull!

I can't eat, you ruined my appetite.

- Oh Mr. Giant, you should eat something.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- No, no.

- Oh yeah.

- Oh no. - Oh.

- No, no.

Mr. Dinkelpuss!

Mr. Dinkelpuss!

- Boy, when the giant gets that in the stomach.

- I'll go get the giant.

♪ Fee fie foe fum

♪ I smell the blood of an Englishman ♪

♪ Be he alive or be he dead

♪ I'll grind his bones and make my bread ♪

(spitting)

- Mr. Dinkelpuss! (cranking)

Mr. Dinkelpuss!

Oh, Mr. Giant, don't!

- The Prince and the Princess,

they're trying to escape.

- Let them.

- They've taken your jewels

and your hen that lays the golden egg.

- The scoundrels.

Keep him solid.

(suspenseful music)

(growling)

Who's trying to steal my treasures?

- We are, what about it?

(suspenseful music) (growling)

(banging) (crashing)

(suspenseful music)

- Oh!

Nice work, Mr. Dinkelpuss!

Hey, get everybody ready,

get the catapults all set,

and I'll take care of him.

- Come on!

- Polly, get the chains.

Come on, hurry up.

Hurry up, Polly.

Come on, and get him all tied up.

(grunting)

Hold him, Polly.

Hold my stuff, hold my stuff, thank you.

Okay Polly.

Okay, go upstairs now, I'll take care of him.

(suspenseful music)

(banging)

Oh, you still hurt.

(banging)

- Ah, it's locked.

(banging)

Come on, come on.

- Why ain't you folks out in the garden?

- The door is locked.

- Well, where's the key?

- The giant must have it.

It isn't with the rest of the keys.

- Oh, how about the window?

- It's too high! - Too high, too high.

Door's locked, the window's too high.

- Now what do we do? - Think Jack, think.

I got it! - What?

- You take Darlene.

Put her on the mantle piece over the fireplace.

Hurry up, come on, quick!

Mr. Dinkelpuss, you and Polly get under the chandelier.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- Get under the chandelier.

Hurry up!

(suspenseful music)

- Master, master.

'Tis a black day, indeed.

- You keep your mouth shut,

or I'll cut you to ribbons!

Hey, hey, come here.

Now look, I'm gonna get the chandelier over here,

I'm gonna put you on it,

and sail you right out the window.

And Darlene's coming next.

Then you get her.

Watch out.

(suspenseful music)

Here you are.

Do be careful. - I'll try.

(suspenseful music)

- Come on, Mr. Dinkelpuss.

You're next!

- I'll be right back.

I forgot a couple of things.

(suspenseful music)

(chains rattling)

(growling)

- Mr. Dinkelpuss, why you greedy boy.

- What do you mean?

- What are you doing with the giant's jewels, and my Nelly?

- Nevermind that, swing me out of here.

- Take your time, there's no rush.

- What do you mean?

- Quiet, quiet. (squawking)

My little gold mine.

- That's my Nelly.

Let me see the jewels.

- Oh no, they're mine.

All mine, I share them with no one.

I, I come a long ways with, I...

Oh.

- Mr. Dinkelpuss, I have not seen a face like that

since I seen a pork chop in the window.

And you have no fear.

Polly and I, we chained the giant up

down in the dungeon.

He can't get away, because I left him--

(yelling) (suspenseful music)

Now Mr. Giant, if you come one step forward,

I'll let you have it!

(horns blaring)

- Help me.

Thanks.

(giant growling) (suspenseful music)

(smacking)

(suspenseful music)

- Mr. Dinkelpuss, grab the chandelier

and swing out the window.

Here it comes.

(glass shattering)

- Are you alright?

- Yes, I'm alright.

Come on, let's get to the catapults.

(suspenseful music)

(growling)

- Hey, hey you!

Hey!

(growling)

(yelling)

(smacking) (suspenseful music)

(whistling)

Hey you!

(growling)

- Hurry Jack, up on the mantle piece.

(suspenseful music)

(growling)

- Coward, pushing an innocent girl.

I will show you no mercy.

I will-- (yelling)

(suspenseful music)

Hurry up, hurry up!

(swords clinking)

Wait a minute, I'm caught on something!

Wait a minute!

Hold it, wait a minute.

(suspenseful music)

(whooshing)

My sword!

(growling)

(smacking)

(suspenseful music)

(plate crashing)

(banging)

(growling)

(growling) (suspenseful music)

(crashing)

I fear nothing when I'm in the right!

All aboard for the catapult express!

- Well, cut the ropes!

No no no, not that one.

Cut those first, then cut yours.

But don't forget to get on.

- Okay.

Hey. - What?

- Want me to help you with the jewels?

- Oh no you don't, they're mine, mine.

Cut the ropes.

(suspenseful music)

(wooing)

Alright big boy, let's do it.

Goodbye, Mr. Giant!

Here I go!

Wait!

(gentle music)

(humming)

Mr. Dinkelpuss!

Please come down and get me like a good little tree.

(suspenseful music)

(growling)

(smacking)

(thudding)

(suspenseful music)

(growling)

(gentle music)

(spitting)

(growling) (suspenseful music)

(banging)

Mr. Dinkelpuss.

Mr. Dinkelpuss! (melancholy music)

The giant got me.

Oh.

What pain.

I'm too young to die.

- Is this kid kidding? (squawking)

- Mr. Dinkelpuss!

You gotta help me! (suspenseful music)

So I--

(banging)

(suspenseful music)

That was a close one.

(crashing)

Oh! (growling)

(suspenseful music)

(mooing)

- What about Jack?

- I'm afraid he gave his life for us.

(suspenseful music)

- Uh oh!

Oh! (suspenseful music)

(thudding)

(thudding)

(thudding)

(suspenseful music)

(booming)

(suspenseful music)

(squawking)

(majestic music) (people chattering)

- Look, I found a diamond!

- Thanks.

- Look, a diamond!

- I see three people descending!

- My dear boy Jack.

Do you see him? (people chattering)

Oh Nelly!

You've come back to us.

Ugh, we'll be rich again.

- The King, the King!

- All hail the King. (majestic music)

- My daughter!

Oh, thank heaven you're safe.

- She's the Princess?

Princess Eloise?

- Why of course, Prince Arthur.

Who did you think she was?

But what are you doing in those clothes?

- You're Prince Arthur?

- Small world, isn't it?

- I never want to speak to you again

as long as I live.

Let us go, father.

- Darlene, I mean Eloise,

what's the difference who we are

as long as we love each other?

- You knew all the time a Prince

couldn't break an engagement.

- And neither could a Princess.

How are you going to get out of marrying Prince Arthur?

- Well how are you going to get out

of marrying Princess Eloise?

- But that's who you two are.

Don't you remember?

(people chattering)

- Where's my poor boy?

What's happened to Jack?

- The last I saw him,

he was dueling under death with a giant.

Oh, but a braver lad never lived.

- Ready or not, here I come!

(all chattering)

Coming down! - There's the boy.

Come on, there, boy. - I'm coming.

- There's a hero if there ever was one.

You should see him.

Come on, boy. - My boy!

My boy, my boy.

- Oh mother.

When am I gonna prove that I'm a man?

(suspenseful music)

- Giant, giant!

(all screaming)

- We're doomed!

(growling)

- This is the end!

(screaming) (suspenseful music)

- Come on, come on!

(chopping)

(growling)

(suspenseful music)

(banging)

(suspenseful music)

(crashing)

(all chattering)

- He went clear through to China.

(suspenseful music)

♪ I wish the giant were alive

♪ Alive this very minute

♪ To look inside his grave

♪ And see how lovely he looks in it ♪

♪ He's all laid out like a very good scout ♪

♪ And he never looked better in his life ♪

♪ We're happy to give the devil his due ♪

♪ And he never looked better in his life ♪

♪ We sing fa la la la la la la

♪ A ha ha tra la la

♪ He's perpendicula-la-la

♪ Tra la la la la

♪ If he could only see himself

♪ He wouldn't know the monster

♪ And if he knew him, he would be ♪

♪ The only one who wants to

♪ He met his doom

♪ He fall down and go boom

♪ And he never looked better in his life ♪

♪ Someday by gosh, he'll be acres of squash ♪

♪ And he never looked better in his life ♪

♪ He fell on his vertebra-la la ♪

♪ A ha ha, tra la la

♪ He's perpendicula-la la

♪ Tra la la la la

♪ He's wearing several branches ♪

♪ Of the beanstalk for a necktie ♪

♪ I never seen a better looking ♪

♪ Corpuscle Delecti

♪ His toes are curled

♪ And he's out of this world

♪ And he never looked better in his life ♪

♪ And there he lays til the end of his days ♪

♪ And he never looked better in his life ♪

♪ So tune up the arches, tra la la ♪

♪ A ha ha, tra la la

♪ He's perpendicula-la la

♪ Tra la la la la

♪ Abysmal to see

- Come on, come on!

♪ And they all live for Jack and the beanstalk ♪

♪ Jack and the beanstalk, we'll long remember when ♪

- I manage this boy! ♪ He shimmied up the stalk

♪ To beard the giant in his den ♪

♪ When you pounce your kiddies on your knees ♪

♪ In the future nurseries - Come on, come on!

♪ You will tell them all about

♪ The legend of the giant-killer Jack ♪

(majestic music)

(gentle music)

- Okay King, I'm waiting.

Crown me.

- That's an add request.

(banging)

- Ho!

What's the matter with--

You're the biggest racketeer kid

I ever saw in my life!

(stammering)

- What happened?

- Miss, your brother's the toughest kid I ever saw.

Hey Dink, I had the most beautiful dream.

- Dream?

Asleep on the job.

(smacking) (suspenseful music)

- Prince Arthur, Princess Eloise.

Mr. Dinkelpuss!

- Dinkelpuss?

Are you alright?

- Alright?

Alright?

♪ I fear nothing when I am in the right ♪

♪ Whoever pushes me around

♪ Will find me full of fight

(scat singing) (bright music)

♪ I fear nothing when I do nothing wrong ♪

♪ And so I toddle on my way

♪ And sing a merry song

(scat singing) (bright music)

(grand orchestral music)