Original subtitles

[Music]

[Music]

this is viburnum he's 22 years old he's

a male and he looks like the genetic

product to the giraffe having sex with

Ellen DeGeneres he has a gigantic head

and tiny nipples

[Music]

he's isolated himself over the last five

years in the suit of comedy and in doing

so has lost touch with reality you're an

asshole

[Music]

you hear me

you think you know better than me

you think you know better than everybody

you will

and you will deserve it

but in the meantime you might as well

tell those silly jokes of yours see if

that helps

[Music]

[Applause]

welcome to the show this is bonuses

she's showing boat takes up his pants

like bass

[Music]

[Applause]

play an invisible trumpet trumpet sound

drink some invisible water oh shit that

water is real

Oh make you feel dr. ball and a voice

and make you feel comfortable these days

that prolonged eye contact

my god

[Applause]

god

[Applause]

my contact

contact

[Music]

[Applause]

make it more comforting

[Music]

you wanna see a magic friend

[Applause]

[Music]

or is it at that moment

Bo's twenty-year-old cynicism melted -

childlike wonder

new that you do so much magic in the

world it's a world of possibilities bow

what do you want to do first run yeah

sure you can run

but yeah you can fly what the fuck what

the fuck are you doing stop stop stop it

idiot stop and stop and stop anyways in

the distance bo saw a beautiful fairy a

fairy so beautiful that he felt proud

about being called in high school he

then came across an old bridge with the

troll standing guard bo knew they'd have

to answer a riddle to get by the troll

spoke thus all right for the last time

man I'm not a troll I'm homeless okay do

any spare change

okay that's a used napkin and a want

that no no stop just don't leave just

leave please leave

and then his beau arrived on the other

side of the stage

you saw a unicorn with five horns right

in front of him and the Penta corn spoke

thus

how about

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

he was safe

for now but the dark thoughts would soon

return

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

it's so hard to be a lizard

to be a lizard

[Music]

cinching is ER

it's hard

[Music]

but it's harder to segue

[Music]

or here's a him he's in a gay porn okay

this mining shit is getting pretty

annoying so give them the real thing my

voice to stuff

[Music]

Rebecca this is the end of the song in

the beginning of the show welcome to the

show

that lizard parm is pretty fucking

stupid anyway San Francisco you have

yeah we are a place we are replaced in

California um I'd like to uh like to

start with a joke for my male audience

this is a joke for the fellas where my

fellows that fellas yo fellas don't you

hate it when you're blowing a guy he

ends up being a faggot am i right

I've been blowing a faggot this whole

time third time this week

thank you so much having fun this um

this show is called what and I hope

there's some surprises for you or

something Jesus sorry it's a good start

I hope there's some mystical water

nothing is real so um we grow up grow up

with your applause stick it round

you meant enough to water over just

don't if it's on repeat it will repeat

just this is it well just we can cut all

this so we meant to play the track again

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

food jokes let's do some food jokes

segues are weird I had a I had a hot dog

for breakfast today and afterwards I

felt like this because I couldn't

control my stools all right Jesus

blecch like poop based puns they'll be a

majority of the show a comedic moment

see so just a little lesson for

comedians um this first song is called a

world on fire next song a little bit a

little bit longer than that one

and thinking the house that I am in I'm

really sad it's called sad it's about

other sad stuff just picture depressed

onion cutting itself

[Music]

I met a homeless man named rich

isn't that terrible I sort of fly or for

a lost dog and the dog didn't have any

legs it's not a diabetic kid

[Music]

trick-or-treating I saw a giraffe who

had a short neck that was sad or a deer

I saw an old man get hit by a train he

didn't see it in the pouring rain

he didn't hear me shout look out for the

Train

because I didn't say anything

I just thought to myself

ooh this is gonna be sad

and it was I'm a genius

I saw a man with only one eye

in a 3d movie I saw a little boy drop

his ice cream cone directly on his

mother's corpse I saw a kid stuck in a

tree then the kid jumped off any hyung

itself I saw a boy who had red hair I

went to a store looking for something to

buy but they only sold paintings of the

same sad guy no way this store sells

mirrors see what I did there let's rock

the world's the sad bros

Payne genocide for sexism racism

I kind of remember there's good things

about it too like the fact that none of

that's happening to me

score

[Music]

still though it's hard not to be sad

about it how do you all do it I've been

telling you guys terribly sad things

this whole song you've been sad at all

you've been you've been happy no you've

been laughing that's it laughter it's

the key to everything

it's the way to solve all the sadness in

the world I mean none of the people that

are actually sad but the people I guess

they're gonna fucking deal with them all

the time

being a comedian isn't being an

insensitive prick capitalizing in the

most animalistic impulses of the public

it's being a hero the world isn't sad

world's funny I'm a sociopath pleasure

an old man slip and fall he what a

fucking idiot

I saw a woman at her daughter's funeral

ha ha ha

classic comedy everything that once was

sad is somehow funny now the Holocaust

in 9/11 that shit's funny 24/7 cuz

tragedy will be exclusively cho too bad

because my empathy is bumming me

[Music]

goodbye sadness hello jokes

[Music]

thank you

I got a really good joke about video

editors video editors are so fucking I

think we should do a poem right now if

that's okay this poem is a little bit

sappy a little bit romantic so we'll get

it out of the way now and we will go

back to the whoops the the dirty stuff

you know everyone loves it a Late Show

or whatever okay it's called I fuck

sluts it's not a roll call but thank you

sluts sluts sluts I fuck sluts let's get

fucked when I fuck sluts Noah fans and

or BOTS I fuck sluts I fuck sluts nice

girls are nice but no good for nut

sucking they'll need a serene night to

green-light a buttfucking but that'll be

easy with slaves the old slut fucking

booed the nice girls praised fetus lot

fucking I have a list a list yes the

list of all the sluts Agnes - I've never

fucked or sucked these sluts and thus my

nuts are fucking pissed so when I fuck

the lucky slut my nut removes her from

the list another dumb cum bucket struck

from my nut sucking suck it slut slut

fucking bucket list yes you hear the

influences Chaucer Keyes pages are blank

I know it why am i lying to you sluts

can be white black brown Pinker Amin

that could be skinny with big tits or be

skinny with small ones

sluts can be perky prep your posh with

their brains in the clothes all shrunk

from the wash excuse me

but other sluts are pretty and funny and

smart these sluts can lift on your

thoughts when your dick to your heart

they can talk about science music or art

they can put you together or they can

pull you apart but don't trust these

sluts don't don't you dare the force you

trust them and love them and care and

then they'll be gone and then you'll be

aware of that hole in your heart that

that dumb slut left there thank you very

much so he was lashing out with sexist

language because he had his heart broken

we all learned something thank you all

for coming

um I know some of my bits are a little

bit fast and dance a little bit hard to

follow a particularly that one so I want

to do something a little bit slower for

the people maybe the older people the

crowd or something so um this for you on

here's a slow joke

[Music]

like sharks as in shucking corn that

also sucks the exclamation my good

farming fun um my father recently told

me that I act too flamboyant on stage

and I said really dad

Reuven he said what about that joke

where you throw confetti at the end of

it I said I haven't written that joke

yet because it's based off this

conversation gotcha keep it keep the

struggle

we're having a lot of fun guys don't

worry about you don't have to fill the

silences with laughter or applause I

don't want you leaving this show

thinking Mike hands heard from clapping

my stomach hurts from laughing I just

want you leaving the show thinking all

right and we're on our way I moved to UM

Hollywood recently from Boston where I

grew up and places and I I I heard about

these sort of wild Hollywood party

nights that people would have an didn't

think they were true until I moved to

Hollywood and I started having them

anyway this is a there's a song about a

crazy night that happened a couple weeks

ago it's called what did i do last night

[Music]

see ya gee

hey hey one in our two last night

[Music]

cry myself to sleep

[Applause]

it was a good one when did my mother

first subscribe guys next to me good

question I was eight years old I was

eight years old she brought me into the

dining room she sat right across the

table from me she said you know how your

father and I love each other

I said of course you and Dad loved each

other more than two people in the world

could possibly love each other she said

well two men can love each other in the

exact same way that your father and I

love each other

she said what happens when two men love

each other like that what they do is

they they take off all their clothes um

they get into bed and they shit on the

Bible

so don't talk to her anymore okay

hello patient to 462 hi I'm sorry how

are you feeling not great it's the

treatment being working no it hasn't

been

what are you will remain in symptoms I

just I internalized my feelings I just I

have trouble articulate other people and

relating to them it's just far little

bitch yeah real mature of you

disembodied voice up there just joking

nigga we are right by Oakland careful to

that shit alright just get to that what

what's wrong with me

what is wrong with me please your

emotions and your logic are at war okay

your creativity and your analysis on war

and most simply your left and right

brain overall my left to my right to fix

the problem we must separate them from

each other circle splitting your

neurological functions in five four

three we booked an appointment you don't

just start counting down this may hurt a

bit I don't even know what idiom here oh

just

isolation complete this is most

left-brain objective logical cold

analytical aware of patterns aware of

trends he's efficient and a prick this

is most right brain

subjective creative sensory aware of

feelings aware of people he's emotional

yes and yet it's your opinion so just

play nice

I am the left brain I am the left brain

I work really hard to my inevitable

death brain you got a job to do you

better do it right and the right way is

with the left brains mind

I like Oreos and I cried for at least

one hour after watching Toy Story 3

I am the right

I have been making a little all over the

place but a lustful trust full and I'm

looking for somebody to love some female

here comes a female love your chest I'll

take your phone and check your email our

evolutionary purpose is repopulate so

gather data now and see if she's the

possible mate holy fuck I think she

might be the one

there's something about her I just can't

describe it

tits I am the earth she's the glorious

Sun I want her to trust me and I just

want her to sit on my face fit all right

now right brain you're being insane no

left brain

I'm just being alive you should try it

you might like it

I worked hard to give him everything he

cared about you were worried about the

things that he was scared about I'm calm

and collected would you ask wild I am me

a dog you are the child do you think

you're the right one every time

you think you know everything you don't

know anything at all half of his

problems we're supposed to be mine

but you wanted everything I hope that

you're happy because he's short

[Music]

according my calculations you're a pussy

name-calling really we're gonna do

name-calling I'm not calling names

dating back to the fact is you're a

quivering pussy I'd the pussy well they

said I'll play but toy is still okay

Rubik's cubes are not toys to keep my

spacial reasoning skills sharp let brain

plays a toy and look at you Johnny

fucking toy a player will decided my

fucking job I kept him working at end of

productive you were supposed to look

after him you're supposed to keep mostly

stable for all this now you're trying to

blame me for every stealing how he's

feeling if he's feeling unhappy it's

because you failed him you did this to

me hates you I know he does he fucking

hates you

right brain look I'm sorry no you're not

[Music]

look maybe there's something that we

could do together

together take the best parts of both of

us put him together I'm listening it

would let you to let your feelings out

it would let me analyze so you could man

the themes now man the four it's

something that George Carlin did it's

something that Steve Martin did it's

something special that we could both

perform do you know what it is juggling

we could juggle and juggle our tears

away it was comedy we could do comedy

because she atreus in right all right

right brain we're gonna do coffee

together all right all right all right

left brain out do comedy with you what

we can fix them like this we can make a

mess you can I promise

[Music]

experimentation complete thank you very

much

at this point of the show I'd like to

talk about how deep I am a pretty

fucking Dean Dean Dean so deep

but I called this song

[Music]

hashtag deep

[Music]

have you ever stopped to watch a

Bluebird drop from a tree and take to

the air me neither

have you ever took time out to finish a

rhyme but the rival words just weren't

there meat cleaver

the people in my life for like grains of

sand cuz they stick together often near

my bottle if life is an ocean I am a

deep and handsome fish a fish that's

drowning

if the artistic process is the birth

canal then I am a freshly jellied kid

come witness my cry

[Music]

these thoughts of mine

and must be a sign that I

[Music]

if Jesus can walk on water can he swim

on land

have you ever accidentally peed on the

toilet seat instead of on your

girlfriend's face meaning me neither

have you ever wrote a song note for note

and not a single note was out of place

duh the people in my life are like

blades of grass now cuz they're also

grounded but at least grass stays away

from my bottle heart is a harlot and I

am her sassy urban friend it's why you

being so selfish

if momma is right and the world is my

oyster then

[Music]

I must have an allergy

you don't know how could you

if life makes you wish your

[Music]

and just put on a good movie than a

promptly put a bullet in your head

spend forever

sleep cuz life pales in comparison to

the dream hashtag

thank you

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

don't you hate it when that happens yeah

thank you that's called beating off an

a-minor yes yes a minor the key not the

felony so I believe I believe there's

nothing more manly one can do then take

a shower to five other guys it's true

it's early caveman cro-magnon wandering

through the fog

you know scrubbing five other sapiens no

homo wish I'd like to do a little uh do

some poems right now if that's okay just

we're in the point of the show these

poems are actually from I'm releasing

this special for free so I'm gonna plug

my poetry book but these are my new

poems for my poetry book called egghead

that will be out by the time this is

airing but not by the time you guys are

seated here right now so it's good

they're pretty serious and it's all just

sort of a tit this is sort of the lull

of the show usually so I'd like to at

this point sort of take the pressure off

the audience and just read some poems

and then we'll go back to the giggles so

this is a poem by a dog roses are gray

violets are a different shade of grey

let's go chase cars

[Applause]

me with my strange choice of adjectives

you with your muscular teeth and

clockwise vagina

[Applause]

I put a chameleon on a red dildo no he

blushed there we go this is the poem

about beauty about self-image and about

the ability to transform Martha was ugly

like a shaven baboon

so she wrapped herself up in a curtain

cocoon and after a week she finally

emerged she smelled like shit what a

psycho your incomparable

like a

I want to beat you to death with a blunt

object I want to grab one of those

high-end fashion mannequins by the

ankles and bastard rib cage in I want to

sharpen 50 pencils bind them with the

rubber bands take the Lennon in your

mouth and punch the erasers or to strap

you to a bit of nails then strap that

bit of nails to the hood of my car so I

can watch you suffers we drive over

speed bumps to a mall parking lot during

an earthquake I want you to somehow

survive a terrible car crashed and

somehow not survive a small fender

bender on the way back to the hospital

thank you that's called dad this is a

poem it's really a story that's meant

primarily for children but I think it's

got a lesson we could all learn the

squares lived happily in their square

houses in their square yard in their

square town but then one day a family of

circles moved in from the West

get out of here Roundy's shouted one of

the squares why said one of the circles

because this is a metaphor for racism

[Applause]

when I walk into a party you'd think I

was one of those long straight Tetris

pieces cuz everyone's just like oh yeah

this guy's here finally we've been

waiting for him to show up like you wait

in the game forget it I mean no you had

your chance

if I a million dollars I'd pay your

mother to have sex with me afterwards I

probably invest the remaining nine

hundred ninety nine thousand nine

hundred ninety dollars ten dollars for

sex with your mother comedy it's I smell

comedy well he was comedy giving off

that scent and finally mid-october with

leaves spilled like colored pencil

shavings the streets dicing our town

into neat unfair portions and me eatin

that pussy baby thank you so much

[Applause]

there's things that I don't want to come

across in my show that I worried off and

come across about me because people in

realize but it's an act up here I don't

want you to ever think that I think I'm

better than people or that I think I

know better than people anyway okay

this is a song from the perspective of

God

the books do you think I wrote her way

too thick

who needs a thousand metaphors to figure

out you shouldn't be a dick and I don't

watch you when you sleep

surprisingly I don't use my omnipotence

to be a fucking creep

you're not going to heaven why the fuck

would you think I'd ever kick it with

you

none of you are going to

there's a trillion aliens cooler than

you shouldn't abstain from rape just

because you think that I want you to you

shouldn'ta rape cuz rape is a fucked up

thing to do pretty obvious just done

fucking rape people do anything mental

write that one down for you

I don't think masturbation is obscene

it's absolutely natural and the weirdest

fucking thing I've ever seen

can make my job a living hell

ice and gays to fix overpopulation

pointed patka well you're not

wing to heaven eat a thousand crackers

sing a million hymns

none of you are going to heaven

you're not my children you're a bad game

of sim

[Music]

you shouldn't abstain from pork just cuz

you think that I want you to

you can eat pork because why the fuck

would I give a shit

it created the universe thing I'm

drawing the line the fucking deli aisle

[Music]

you argue and you bicker and you fight

atheists and Catholics Jews and Hindus

argue day and night over what they think

is true but no one entertains the

thought that maybe God does not believe

in here

you prese

leave her

knowing any day might be the day that

you die

but maybe life on earth could be heaven

doesn't just the thought of it make it

worth a try

my love the type of thing that you have

to earn and when you were

you won't need it home I love the type

of thing

you have to earn and when you earn it

you all meet and not gonna give you love

just because I know that you want me to

if you want love and the lovers gotta

come from you

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

tell me about it women are stupid yeah

fucking said it the weaker Dumber sex I

could prove it to you I'd like to

practice safe sex why cuz I'm a guy and

I'm smarter what do women say every time

every time I put on a condom what do

they say why are you wearing a condom if

I'm fucking you with a strap-on to be

safe bitch women right they're the dumb

one it's time for a story let's do a

story it's time for a story it's time

for a story a very special story

especially for you it's time for a story

it's time for a story sit down and

listen now don't be a Jew a story is

called an D that's a glitch you can be

Jewish this story this story is called

an D the Frog featuring long and

convoluted similes and I warn you when

one of those long convoluted similes

rears its old head so here we go once

upon a time there was a frog named Andy

Andy lived at the Patton Park pond it

had never hopped anywhere else in his

entire frog life he had three best

friends Millie who never left her lily

pad Billy who was always hopping mad and

Roger who's arrested for possession of

tadpole porn so one day one day and he

saw something hop across the grass on

the other side of the pond Millie

Billy Roger looks at Andy across the

pond stood the most beautiful frog Andy

had ever seen she's gorgeous said Millie

she's beautiful said Billy bit old for

my taste at Roger classic Roger

and then she was gone I need to go find

her sedan D I need to follow my little

frog hard so and II followed the

beautiful frogs footsteps into the

forest he then came across a turtle you

can't pass said the turtle please said

Andi no said the turtle and this is the

first long convoluted simile then there

was a rustling in the bushes and like a

man who had been shot in the chest with

a rifle the turtle was shot in the chest

with a rifle and he kept moving but at

this point like the doctor of the canyon

track team his patience ran thin and he

kept moving he then came across a giant

crocodile in the crocodile began to

chant I woke up this morning and I sat

on a log I opened up the menu the menu

said frog and he said no no please take

off me I can feel myself dying you're

ripping out my insides I'm never gonna

find your mi there's no God is there

fuck the end the end so the end of that

story

[Music]

yeah if you're curious the moral of that

story it's irrelevant because we're

humans why would it apply to us you know

my father is so hard to get along with

because he's such a man's man you know

he believes like for example you should

always fight fire with fire which is a

horrible way to live your life

especially for him because he's a

firefighter so he was fired

that was as stupid as we get but let's

get a little stupid or huh there's a

creepy old man fishing in the park and

the only problem is he's trying to catch

a kid you know that stuff trying to get

a little more mainstream people complain

about the way I act onstage very often

you know they say like I repeat jokes or

they also say that they say they don't

get again that this is an act on stage

they think on stage I act - arrogant -

self-obsessed solipsistic self-contained

synonyms and they want me to be they

want me to be a comic of the people you

know relate to the people with the

overarching glue of comedy so I went to

a little bit of a relatable comedy for

you guys I'm like you guys you know once

a week and like to slip into a deep

existential depression or I lose all my

sense of oneness and self-worth and what

I like to do in order to assure myself

that I am unique I'm not just one of

many small white indistinguishable

perfectly cylindrical pieces and Jesus

and Satan's backgammon game is I will

I'll say a group of words that I think

no one has ever said in that order so

that when I say it I feel like look at

me participating in this new moment that

no one's ever been a part of so I'll say

something random like like peanut butter

tribalism or I'm your father and I loved

your comedy show

or at first I wasn't comfortable leaving

him alone with my children but then I

saw his mustache phew

or uh or you go check out this Amish

website or or I work at a tollbooth and

I don't want to kill myself or that's

too too real yo man my life's about

three things Man three things getting

money getting pussy and the Dewey

Decimal System or

[Applause]

or hey can you hold my fanny pack

I'm gonna go fuck a woman

[Applause]

um if I could break I I want to thank

you all for being here because I mean it

I'm so grateful that you'd all come here

and spend an hour of your time with me

and if you're watching it home or

whatever on a computer or something if

you've made it this far thank you very

much for watching genuinely I there's my

favorite thing to do and I'm so grateful

for people watching it and enjoying it

okay I will now receive back into my

stage persona just blacked out for 20

seconds

thank you for coming

love songs used to be so beautiful you

know let us go then you and I when the

evening is spread out against the sky

like a patient etherized upon a table TS

Eliot beautiful love songs nowadays just

as beautiful guys

uh sure Justin Bieber 1d you know them

but these new artists they've done

something very strange to the format of

the love song they've changed it a bit

I tried to capture how they've changed

the format of the love song with this

love song I hope you enjoy it and Mark

the differences

[Music]

Jason Derulo

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

I love your hair I love your name I love

the way you say it I love your heart and

you're so smart cuz you gave away it I

love your sis I love your dad I love

your mum but more than all of that I

love the fact that you are dumb enough

to not realize that everything I've said

has been said before in a thousand ways

and a thousand songs some with the same

four chords but you'll still love it and

let me finger you oh girl I hope you

don't think that I'm rude when I tell

you that I love you boo I also hope that

you don't see through this cleverly

constructed ruse to sign by a marketing

team cashing in on puberty and low

self-esteem and girls desperate need to

feel loved America says we love a chorus

but don't get complicated for us though

meaning might be missing we need to know

the words after just one listen so

repeat stuff repeat that repeat that

repeat that repeat that repeat that

repeat that repeat that repeat that

repeat that yeah oh you know it

[Music]

I love my baby and you know I couldn't

live without her but now I need to make

every girl think the songs about her

just to make sure that they spread it

like the plague so I described my dream

girl is really really vague like I love

your hands cuz your fingerprints are

like no other I love your eyes and their

bluish brownish greenish color I love it

when you smile that you style wide and I

love how your torso as an arm on either

side now if you're my agent you might be

thinking oh no sound the alarms you're

not appealing to little girls who don't

have arms but they can use iTunes so

welcome who needs ah oh girl like oh

hello Satan Satan you taste again repeat

stop repeat stuff repeat stuff for pizza

repeat stuff everybody

come on louder I can't hear you

[Applause]

[Music]

young ones listen up I'm in magazines

full of model teens so far above you

so read them and hate yourself then pay

me to tell you I

[Music]

and your parents will always come along

because their little girl is in love

and how could love be

[Music]

how could love beer

and when you repeat that repeat that

four dates to have repeat that

[Music]

we know it's not funny but we'll stop

eating this dead horse when it stop

spitting out money but in Selma

and we will repeat stuff

[Applause]

[Music]

thank you so much you guys have been um

you guys have been absolutely amazing

you've been absolutely amazing up that's

the end of the show I probably should

have ended it on a sort of higher note

there but yeah that's the end of what I

hope you liked it bye oh my god how are

you I haven't seen you since like

freshman year oh my god you're still

like skinny and weird back then but now

you're anyway you should totally come to

this party I'm having tonight with a

bunch of my college friends it's gonna

be off the chain hook it's gonna be so

good you can play some songs for us or

something

I've been telling everybody how good of

friends we were back in the day I know

we never talked or hung out ever but I

think that's what made our friendships

so special you know anyway text me okay

bye mr. Birnam how you doing good good

I'm a I'm an agent from out Los Angeles

really dig your stuff man it's it's out

there you know I totally get it and the

best part about it man you got all these

young fans and which is great because

young people they're very passionate

they're very very reliable consumers but

what you got to do in order to take your

career to the next level got a cater

more heavily to them all right we've

done studies young people do not respond

to this you know introspective material

or these challenges to the form you know

young people want jokes they can relate

to okay so write a write a silly song

about Facebook you know write some write

some jokes about our Twitter er or

sugary cereals or razor scooters relate

to them you know also you got to

re-establish your presence on the

Internet buddy all right it's not

important whether the material is good

or not what's important is that you keep

the bo burnham brand alive and well

you get it cool we'll discuss more later

I know it's a lot my number is three one

oh five five five management fag what up

- what's up how are you man

you've changed bro you've changed I

never knew you but my friends old

roommates friend said he knew you in

high school and you became a

asshole what's all this comedy stuff

started happening what is it man you

think you're better than us think you're

better than us just cuz you're tall well

congrats man you're tall wow it's

incredible what you want a trophy for

being tall

you wanna we should just give trophies

to tall things and every tree and

building will have a trophy that makes

sense

yeah why are you actually not quiet

weird right now

yo I know why you are it's cuz you're an

arrogant prick that's why an arrogant

fucking prick I once heard that you

actually act quiet because you're shy

and introverted in real life and that

people shouldn't expect you to act the

same way off stage as you do on stage

yeah yeah it makes no sense anyway you

want to buy some weed Wow oh my god Wow

oh my god bow-bow

bow-bow bow-bow bow-bow bow oh my god

mr. Birnam bow bow

oh my god mr. Birnam bow bow oh my god

mr. Birnam bow oh my god mr. Birnam oh

my god mr. pear mr. mr. Begg Wow oh my

god

mr. Bourg mr. mr. Bergmann faggot faggot

faggot faggot faggot faggot

[Applause]

okay okay

what the hell oh hey oh hey you're not

gonna hit the girl that's sexist mr.

Baba we think you've changed bro you

know best you thought we think you've

changed brother know best you thought we

think we know you

we think we know you we think we know

you we think we know you we think we

know you we think we know you we think

we know you we think we know you we

think we know you we think we know you

we think we know

we think we know yeah we think we know

we know we know

[Music]

[Music]

mister mister mister mister

oh my god

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

mr. Burnham so you go to school in the

fall

you're to school this year Yeah right

who's your teacher gonna be Thank You

missus this is going to be what do you

think you're gonna do at school

[Music]

ya know you're gonna eat some snacks but

what else you gonna do there