Original subtitles

Okay, here we go.

It's just another interview.

Just another interview to save your show.

You fucking got this.

I need him to talk about the divorce.

If he doesn't talk about it, we don't have a finale.

We can't end the season on a fucking whimper.

Are you kidding? It's gonna be great. You got this...

- Don't patronize me. - Sorry. I'm stupid.

This is our last chance with him. I just need to focus.

No distractions today.

Okay, so Ramona and Dar from the network did just land.

Do you...?

Just feed 'em, get 'em coffee, and keep 'em the hell away from me.

Got it. Happy last day.

- Hi! - Hey!

- Ally! Exciting! - Ooh, Ally. My goodness.

Guys, are you hungry? We have an ice cream sandwich truck.

- Oh, it's 9:00 a.m. - Oh.

Yes, but we have breakfast flavors.

Hi, Chef.

This shouldn't take long.

Just a simple exit interview recapping the season.

- You know the drill. - No problem.

Great. Let's jump right in.

I mean, of course there was added pressure after I won season two,

and I imagine there'll be even more after winning again this season,

'cause there's certain expectations now, right?

Like, I have to maintain, uh, a level of perfection.

Does that make it difficult to have any semblance of a life outside of work?

Uh, somewhat.

Like with your relationships?

I read that Pria's dating again.

As she should.

Mm.

A-Again, when-when you're working...

as hard as I am, it's just tough to maintain...

Like, it's no secret that Pria and I split up.

That's on me 'cause I was a shit husband.

But would I change anything?

I mean, I am the two-time reigning champion of Dessert Island.

'Cause while everyone else was busy fucking each other,

I kept my eye on the prize, 'cause I wasn't here to make friends.

I was here to make flans.

And now...

And now look at me.

I just got my own bakery at the Cancun Airport.

I made it.

But, yeah, in the process, I lost my partner and my best friend.

But, honestly, I don't know. I mean...

I think no matter...

which path I went down,

I would've felt like I was sacrificing something.

Yeah.

I think we got it.

That's great. Cut.

- Okay, amazing. - Ah!

- That moment... you saw it, right? - Yes.

- He didn't want to go there, but then... - The silence.

Yes! It works every time.

I didn't know Pria was dating again. Where did you read that?

I didn't, but it made for a good interview.

- You did it! - Ah!

Another amazing season in the can.

- Mm. So special. - Mm. So special.

Well, you guys wanted fireworks to end the season.

Ta-da!

- Ah, yeah, so good. - So good.

And we'd love to talk to you about the future of the show,

- if you have a minute. - Mm-hmm.

Absolutely. I was actually gonna start brainstorming ideas this weekend.

Oh, my God, classic Ally.

- No days off. - Yes, we love your work ethic.

So, yeah, as we look forward, we started to look back,

and season one was here...

and season two was here... a little lower...

and season three, you know, based on the few episodes that have already aired,

we're actually coming in... here.

Yeah, I-I'd even say it's below the genital area.

Oh. You... Okay. Your genitals or my genitals?

- Well, I... - 'Cause it's my...

- I guess it's... - Are those your genitals?

Well, these-these are my genitals here, so...

Transpose my genitals onto your pants.

- It's, like, below that. - But where do they start?

Sorry. Are you canceling the show?

Yeah, I mean, you know, three seasons is a good run.

Yeah. These days, you're lucky to get past one.

We defied the odds.

Definitely.

Yeah.

Fuck 'em, you know?

We should be celebrating everything we've accomplished.

Mm-hmm.

Speaking of, uh, what are you doing right now?

You want to maybe... go do that thing we did that one time?

- Oh. Um, you know, uh... - Hey, Christian.

Yeah, we're almost done wrapping out.

We'll see you at the bar in like 30?

Sure, I-I... I'll head over after this.

Someone's gonna puke tonight!

- Yeah. - It's you!

I promise, it's you. It's gonna be him.

Oh, I... You have plans.

- Totally. That's, uh... - Yeah, I...

Have fun.

Yeah. Um...

Yeah. You should take some time off yourself.

Enjoy yourself.

- I'm gonna puke tonight! - Yeah, you are!

- Yeah. - Come here!

Good for you.

Hi, hon. It's your mama.

I just saw that article about your show in The Seattle Times.

I'm so proud of you.

Fall semester starts in a week,

and I'd love to see your face before I go back to the kiddos full-time.

Miss you, sweetheart.

Oh, my guy.

♪ It's just me and you ♪

♪ Got nothing to do ♪

♪ No work to be done ♪

♪ Nobody to screw ♪

♪ But it's, it's gonna be fine ♪

♪ Yeah, it's gonna be great ♪

♪ People always say I need to take a break ♪

♪ And I'm happy about it ♪

♪ I'm happy about it ♪

♪ I'm happy, happy, happy... ♪

Come on, Ally, I know how hard it is to move on,

but it's gonna be a lot easier to start fresh.

Do you have any new ideas that you've been kicking around?

I mean, I do have some ideas for more serious human interest stuff.

Please don't say that nudist doc.

It's called naturism, and it's a fully formed idea.

I could start immediately.

Nobody wants to watch a bunch of naked normos who aren't fucking.

Dessert.

You could start the Dessert universe.

You know, play with me.

"Dessert."

"Dess-Hurt."

"Hurt."

Dess-Hurt Locker. Dess-Hurt Locker!

- What? - Yes!

You get Jeremy Renner, who's available, out in the desert,

and he tries different types of baklava.

And-and maybe one of them has a... a firecracker in it.

And you're like, "No, don't eat that one!"

I see many seasons, my friend.

That is... so offensive on so many levels.

It is?

It would be better if the firecracker was sticking out of a cupcake,

make it look like a birthday candle.

Sold.

Sold. I can do that.

God, no! I'm not engaging in this.

All right, look, I got to run. I'm getting my tubes untied.

Just keep noodling on it, all right?

I mean, maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

You haven't stopped working since I've known you.

Please don't tell me to take time to myself.

Well, listen, it can't hurt. You know, clear your head.

The right thing's gonna come, all right?

Just let it brew. Okay?

Brew-haha.

Hi, Mom.

Um, returning your call.

Where are you?

Anyway, I'm coming to visit you. Surprise.

I'll see you in a few hours.

Jesus.

Okay.

All right, buddy.

Here we go.

- I'm so sorry. - It's fine.

I see you have your own little fur baby down there.

- What's her name? - Uh, it's a he, actually.

Just gonna try to get some rest, if you don't mind.

Oh, bud. Oh, no.

Oh, I'm sorry you're sick.

Oh, man. We're gonna be there soon.

Whoa. Shit yourself, too, huh?

That is ripe.

Um... excuse me.

Hi. My cat, um, had an accident.

I just need to clean him up. Can I sneak over you?

You know, we're just trying to get a little bit of rest.

I mean, if that's okay with you.

She just knocked out, so please...

That smells fucking foul.

Yeah. It's a combination of shit and puke.

Look, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna wake her, I promise.

Okay, come on.

Oh, my God!

Are you fucking kidding me?!

♪ Underwater ♪

♪ I found it ♪

♪ Had to slumber ♪

♪ To get in ♪

♪ Hate of dreaming ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Hate of dreaming ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Well, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it ♪

♪ I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine ♪

♪ I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it ♪

♪ I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. ♪

Mom?

Okay.

Oh, we made it. We made it.

Mom?

Hello?

- Oh, my God! - Oh!

Sweetie, what are you doing here?

Ah! Didn't you get my message?

Oh, my God, honey, I thought you were pranking me.

I'm so happy to see you.

Oh, you remember Sheldon.

Hi, Ally.

Mr. McGovern?

He taught you third grade.

Mom, I know.

- We're all really proud of you, Ally. - Mm-hmm.

Okay, well, you guys are clearly busy, so I'm gonna go.

- Sweetie? - Yeah?

Sweetie, I really think you should shower before you go

because you smell like a combination of shit and puke.

Okay, bye!

Tequila with a splash of water.

Thanks.

Holy shit.

Ally Brenner in the fucking flesh.

Hey.

Fuck, it's been forever.

Man, I tell everyone about the time that we made out

at that boy-girl party in eighth grade.

Wait, are you...

Are you here alone?

Dare I say on an island by yourself?

I see what you're doing.

"I'm sorry, Chef, you have been 'desserted.'"

There it is.

Fuck, I wish my wife was here.

Ooh, I got to get a picture.

- She's gonna freak. - Oh.

- You guys big fans of the show? - Oh, fuck yeah.

I mean, with the kids and shit, we just need something mindless

we can throw on in the background. It's perfect.

Oh, man, you look a little ragged.

Let's take another one.

Foods you can fuck?

Fuck.

♪ I'm a sailor on this dark and dreadful sea... ♪

Hey, Roger. Hey.

Can I get my usual to go? Thanks, man.

♪ I've been fishing for a cup of sympathy ♪

♪ But I keep getting waves that just won't let me be ♪

♪ And I'm gonna be late... ♪

Ally?

Sean. Oh, my God.

Yeah, were you just hiding under the table?

Was I hi... No. No.

I was just... I was looking for my, uh...

peanut. Got it.

Uh...

Wow, this is crazy.

What are you doing here?

Yeah, I was, uh, just about to ask you the same thing.

You know, I'm just visiting my old haunts

on the off chance I might run into an ex from ten years ago.

Oh, yeah? How many have you run into so far?

No, I actually just finished another season of my show,

so thought I'd just take a few days, see my mom, unwind.

For sure.

And congrats, by the way. You, uh, you really did it.

Thanks.

Reality TV. I, uh, I never would've guessed it.

Well, what I'm doing now is basically still doc filmmaking,

except people actually watch it.

But what about you? What are you doing these days?

I'll, uh, I'll give you one guess.

Oh, shit. Did you...

End up going to work for my dad, yeah.

Campbell Family Contractors.

Have you noticed the new décor in here?

- Oh, wait, you did this? - Yeah.

I was wondering where the bloodstain went from when Eric DaCosta cut his finger off.

That stain was the first thing to go.

How were the icicles not the first thing?

You have no idea how hard I begged them to get rid of those things.

But, you know, it's always Christmas in Leavenworth.

Well, it was good to see you.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know what?

I was just gonna grab a quick bite to go, but, you know, you want some company?

Maybe you wouldn't mind going halfsies with me on that peanut?

Ooh.

I was kind of saving it for later.

Really?

You're not fucking touching this peanut.

- Wow. It's stunning. - Yeah.

You know, the design's been in my head for a long time.

I just can't believe it's done.

I'm really proud of it.

Your parents look great.

Oh, your brother's all grown up.

Look at this.

His wife and two kids.

Little Jeremy's a dad?

I know. I know. I know.

We're getting old.

Okay, so you're working with your dad,

and you built your dream house on the family lot.

You're really doubling down on staying home.

Oh, you know, my dad is getting older.

- He kind of counts on me to run the business. - Mm. Mm-hmm.

Oh, come on.

When's the last time you actually came home?

I come home.

For Christmas.

Sometimes.

Wow. I guess it has been a couple years.

But my work is really demanding.

I'm the boss. Can't really take time off.

Sounds stressful.

No, I love it.

I mean, this was always the goal.

Besides, why would I come back?

There's really nothing here for me anymore.

Um, my mom, but she makes it down to L.A. at least once a year.

Wow, it's really hard to see you up there on that high horse.

No, no, no, no, no. Leavenworth is great.

It's just not really conducive to what... You know what I mean.

I see what you're getting at, Miss Hollywood.

- That is not what I'm saying. - No. No, no, no.

I like it. I like it. I take it as a challenge.

- Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm.

You know what? Come on, let's go.

- Where are we going? - Down memory fucking lane! Come on!

Come on. Choo-choo!

- I guess this is a big "fuck you" to my Paleo diet. - Mm.

If you're gonna do it, you need more cheese.

More. More.

Oh, my God.

♪ And if I wait a little longer... ♪

So?

Wow.

Get some more.

Uh-oh. Fed the gremlin after midnight.

There she is.

- Come on, give me some of that. - Mm-mm.

- Come on, come... - We need another one!

Oh, my God, so close.

It's so close.

No, wait, no, wait, no, wait!

♪ I could be your man... ♪

Chug! Chug! Chug!

No, no, no, the cheese, the cheese!

Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.

- Pie hole! - What?

Pie hole. Foods you can fuck!

What? Are you... What are you doing?

- Pie hole season! - What?

♪ Do you want a man? ♪

Go, go, go, go, go!

The icicle thief lives!

Oh, God, too much cheese.

♪ Do you want a man? I could be your man... ♪

♪ Do you want a man? Do you want a man? ♪

♪ I could be your man... ♪

- Oh. - Oh, hold on.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh. - Oh, shit!

♪ Do you want a man? Do you want a man? ♪

♪ I could be your ma-a-a-a-a-a-an ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay ♪

Oh!

♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. ♪

A lot of the time,

if a subject says something emotional, I'll just sit there for like ten seconds,

and you'll see them kind of squirm.

And then they just start talking, trying to fill the space,

and that's when you get the best stuff.

Their true self comes out.

Wow.

Yeah. It's kind of intense.

But I live for it.

So...

you kind of manipulate people.

What? No.

No. Most people are desperate to tell you how they feel.

They're just, you know...

They need permission to do so.

So do I have permission to tell you something?

Of course.

You know, if I'm...

being honest,

I kind of resented your entire industry for a long time for taking you from me.

I'm really sorry about how things ended.

You know, I just had to give L.A. a real shot.

Yeah, I know. I know. It's just...

You know, I'd be lying if I said I don't still think about

what would've happened if you hadn't left all those years ago.

I've been kind of wondering the same thing recently.

Like if maybe I made the wrong decision.

You really mean that?

They canceled the show.

Oh, no. Al, shit. Oh, I'm so sorry.

It's like you build your whole life around this one thing, and then...

What if it was the wrong thing?

"Hashtag reindeer in headlights."

What a fun, surreal night.

It was really great to see you.

Yeah.

Yeah, you, too.

I don't want to be too forward, but, um...

are you offering tours of that beautiful new home of yours?

Oh, uh...

I mean, we could go into my mom's place.

I'm not sure if you're aware,

but it's pretty much turned into the town brothel.

I should never have taught you that silence trick.

No.

No, I, um...

You know, maybe it's best if we just call it a night.

You know, because you're only in town for a few days, and I-I just...

- Totally. - ...wouldn't want to get too...

Totally, totally.

Um, good night. Good-Good-bye.

Oh, wow, wow, wow.

That was brutal.

I'm gonna text him.

Okay. Okay.

Hey. Sorry if I made it weird.

I had such a fun night with you, and I just hope I didn't ruin it by

trying to force you to come inside and have sex with me.

Ha ha.

"Is it too late to come back?"

Holy shit!

Mm.

The brothel is open 24/7.

I don't know.

Okay.

I see what you did there, Mr. Campbell.

Okay, let's see. Oh, he's texting, he's texting.

Huh.

Oh! White dick.

That was not Sean's penis.

I guess he changed his number.

It's so nice to have her home.

Hi.

Ooh, oh!

Well, good afternoon, sleepyhead.

I thought you were gonna sleep the whole day away.

- I made you cheesy eggs, your favorite. - Mm.

Mine, too.

Oh, Mom, I don't think I can have cheese right now.

Or for a very long time.

Oh, are you on another one of your L.A. diets or something?

Uh, sure.

You know, I don't know how you do it,

being around all those yummy-looking desserts every day at work.

But how's the show going, by the way?

It's... it's good.

Uh, listen, Mom, can I borrow your car for a bit?

Oh, sure.

But I-I thought we were gonna hang out today, maybe take a walk

- or see a movie or something. - Oh, yeah.

- I'll save room for Red Vines. - Oh.

He likes to bite off the top and the bottom and make a straw.

Goofy.

Well, I was actually gonna go see Sean for a little bit.

I ran into him yesterday, and...

Oh, well, how nice. Please give him my best.

You know, he-he totally transformed my art studio.

- I will. - Aw.

And maybe we can have a nightcap later.

- I'd love that. - Okay.

- Oh, and, honey? - Yeah?

You look so pretty.

Thanks, Mom.

Okay.

You fucking got this.

Wow.

Hey.

Hi.

I tried to text you,

but I guess you changed your number sometime in the last decade.

So here I am.

Um, I just wanted to apologize for how things ended last night.

Or this morning or whatever.

No, Ally, don't-don't, uh, don't worry about it.

No, no. I know I made it awkward.

And I hate that.

Because the night was so perfect.

I haven't felt that free in I don't know even know how long.

You just bring out that side of me, you know?

And I was just kind of thinking about what you said about

how I'm only here for a couple days, and...

...you know, what if it was more than a couple days?

Sean, honey?

- Mom, hey. - I...

- Ally? - Jojo!

Oh, my goodness! I didn't know you were coming.

- You didn't tell me Ally was coming! - I didn't know.

Oh, no, no, no, sorry.

I didn't realize you guys were having a thing tonight.

- I will come back another time. - Don't be silly.

- Come in! - Oh. No. Mom.

I haven't seen you in about a million years.

Mom, she was just le...

Mi amor.

Look who I found.

- Got to get to work. - Ally, sweetheart.

How special that you're here.

Hi, Barry.

So, uh, how's the City of Angels treating you?

You still making that program where everybody fornicates?

Makes me blush just thinking about it.

You know, it's actually a baking show.

Oh. There's a food component to the show?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Uh, somebody call Brendan Fraser

'cause we got a blast from the past.

- Cool reference. - Check it out.

- This is Brad, middle name Pitt. - Oh, my God.

- He's our little heartbreaker. - Hi.

Hi.

And this is Jennifer Aniston.

Kidding.

Classic Jeremy.

Wouldn't that be wild? You get it. You're in the biz.

Oh, have you met Cassidy?

Oh, I don't think so. I'm Ally.

Hi. Nice to meet you. Sorry, they need me in the kitchen.

- Hey, Dad, look. - I-I'm looking. I'm looking.

You look out for that mean snowman.

Zoink.

And doink.

What?

♪ This is my note. ♪

That was so good. That was so good.

- Oh, dissonance. - That was so good.

Before you say anything, just know this.

I don't know what I'm doing here either.

That tracks.

But I'm happy to see that you and Sean are still fully codependent.

Yeah.

Where's your actual better half?

- Uh... - Is Talia here?

Ooh. About that...

- Uh-oh. - Mm...

- Ah, yeah, thanks for bringing it up. - Oh, no.

- No, but it's fine. No, I'm fine. - Oh, God, Benny.

I'm good, she's actually good, and it's for the best.

Okay, everyone!

Is it Jojo time?

Dinner is ready.

It's buffet style, so grab a plate and make your way out back.

- It's Jojo time. - It's Jojo time.

- Yes. - You don't know that.

- I do know that. - You don't.

I do know that. Pretty sure. Pretty sure.

- Hey, hey! - Hello again.

How's it going?

Uh-oh, here we go.

- Uh-oh. - Jojo time!

Ah, like I wasn't gonna say anything.

No, but seriously, what a wonderful thing for us all to be here,

family, friends, some of whom we haven't seen in a very long time.

And I just feel grateful.

So thank you to the bride and groom for giving us a reason to celebrate.

Everyone, raise your glass

to Sean and Cassidy.

Cheers!

Sean and Cassidy!

- Yeah! - Cheers.

Bring it in, bring it in.

- Yes. Yes. - Very good.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

♪ No woman... ♪

Jo, I really should get going.

You've been saying that since you got here.

What's the rush?

I got to be honest.

I was a little surprised to see you tonight,

knowing what a rough time Sean had after you guys...

- Right. - But I am so happy

to see you found your way back to each other.

♪ Midnight driving through the Bay... ♪

It's just... I told my mom we would have a nightcap, so...

I understand.

- I just wish I could keep you all to myself. - Aw.

I'm proud of you.

Our little filmmaker is taking over Hollywood.

Oh. Wait.

You got to shoot the wedding.

- What? - Sean and Cass.

They-they wanted to keep everything intimate, you know,

just friends and family, so they put Jeremy in charge of videographer duties.

But now that we have a true professional...

- Oh, I don't think so. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, you don't understand.

Jeremy has been talking up his plan

to make this video a shot-for-shot remake of Wedding Crashers.

He wants me to do the motorboating scene.

Oh, Jojo, I... I wasn't exactly invited.

I-I just happened to be in town.

Well, what a happy accident for all of us.

We're all meeting at the river tomorrow at noon.

- I just... I don't... - Ally.

You're family.

It would be weird if you weren't there.

Okay.

- Good night. - Good night.

Ally. Hey. Hey.

- Wait up. - Don't worry, I'm not gonna come to this thing tomorrow.

I just didn't know what to say to your mom.

And I'm really sorry.

I feel pretty silly.

No, hey, look, I'm-I'm sorry, okay? I should've...

I should've told you.

Yeah, it is a little weird that you left that out.

I know, and I...

There's no excuse. I, uh...

I'm-I'm sorry.

Well, congrats.

What the fuck?

Want to grab a drink?

Who is she?

And how old is she? She's, like, a fetus.

Like, how did they even meet?

Bumble.

Bumble? The one where the girl reaches out first?

Of course.

But, like, when?

I don't know. It happened pretty quick.

They-They've been together like six months.

Six months? This chick is thirsty.

Okay, don't say "thirsty." She's actually pretty cool.

Yeah.

Sure, if you like that whole hippie love child,

"I don't wear a bra or give a fuck what you think about it" kind of thing.

Oh, whatever. I'm not like that anymore.

God, it's just all so embarrassing.

I told him that my life's a fucking mess, and then I kissed him,

and then I show up at his house...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You kissed him?

- Wh-When? - Last night.

We had this whole crazy adventure.

We talked until the sun came up.

I thought it was, like, fate or something.

- Ugh. - Oh, Jesus, I knew something was up.

What do you mean?

Okay, I was with Sean yesterday when we saw that you were in town.

Matt Nolan posted this terrible picture of you on Instagram.

Matt Nolan?

Fucking flannel guy.

Okay, wait... so then what?

Okay, so I'm with Sean,

we're in the middle of drinks, and then he just, like, takes off

and says that he has to get some rest or something.

So he specifically came to see me?

Uh...

See? There's still something there.

Okay, I don't disagree that it's a little out of character for Sean, but...

I mean, he's getting married in a few days.

But he's clearly having second thoughts.

Ally.

What?

It's too late.

Know what? Fuck Matt Nolan.

- Didn't you kiss him in eighth grade? - Apparently.

♪ Didn't I treat you right, now? ♪

♪ Didn't I? ♪

♪ Didn't I do the best I could? ♪

♪ Didn't I? ♪

♪ This is the song for my love Sean ♪

♪ I'm moving into our place, I'm gonna kiss his face ♪

♪ Gonna cuddle him close ♪

♪ For the rest of our days ♪

♪ 'Cause I still get flutters in my heart ♪

♪ Except when he makes those broccoli farts ♪

Who me?

♪ He's the one for me ♪

♪ This is the song for my love Sean. ♪

♪ She's the one for me, she's the one for me ♪

Oh, my God, he's got the voice of an angel.

Shh. Hey, hey, you're messing up my flow, okay? Shh.

♪ She's the one for me ♪

♪ Ally is my Frisbee ♪

Oh, no. Oh, I'm coming right at you now.

Oh, no.

Oh, baby. You okay?

It's not too late.

Just one second.

Um...

And doink.

Didn't think I'd be seeing you again.

Surprise.

So, like, what's happening right now?

Well, I was thinking about everything you said last night,

and just about a lot of things...

Uh-huh?

...and I need to see this through.

Whatever it is.

You mean, like, with you and Sean?

Yeah.

You and the groom?

I mean, we can just call him Sean.

So, what are you doing? You're gonna, like, crash the wedding?

Well, Jojo actually asked me to film everything,

so technically I'm part of the wedding now.

What do you actually think is gonna happen?

- What's your plan here? - I don't know.

I don't know.

But I'm sorry, I can't just walk away.

Well, you're walking away as we speak. Just do it in the other direction.

Hey. You need some help with that?

What are you doing here?

I'm here for you.

Ally, I...

Hi.

You're still here.

- Hey, yeah. - Hey.

Jojo asked me to take over as videographer...

or basically forced me.

- Oh. - You know how she is.

Um, so speaking of, I should probably just do it right now.

- So... - No, we...

No, please. Uh, okay.

Tell me, how you guys feeling for your big weekend?

- Uh... - Uh...

I feel like...

we're the new subjects of your reality show.

Sorry.

I hope it's okay that I'm doing this.

This is your weekend, and I'm just trying to help commemorate the moment.

For sure. The more the merrier.

Yeah.

We should fix these.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Get them going.

- Let's-let's do it. - Yeah.

- Totally. - Yeah, absolutely.

Ally?

Oh, my God. Ev!

Oh, wow!

- Hi. - I don't think I've seen you since we graduated.

Oh, my... oh, my God.

Everyone's having kids.

I'll see you out there.

So, we have an extra guest.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry.

You know my mom.

You, uh... you sure it's okay?

I mean, you know I don't care.

I want you to have all your people here.

As long as that's what you want.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

I mean, you know, if nothing else, we'll get good footage from the weekend, right?

Yeah. Sure.

- Oh! - Oh.

I meant it was dope, like, in an artful way.

- Oh, sure. - Oh, sure.

Right. Let's, uh, let's get going.

- I got this one. No, I got it. - Okay.

You, uh... No, I got it. Let's go.

I have to know.

Are Jamie and Pria gonna get back together?

You're gonna have to watch and find out.

I knew it!

It's all very sad, though.

Speaking of hot goss, tell me about the bride.

- What do we think of her? - Oh, she's great.

Very sweet girl.

Yeah, that seems to be the consensus.

Have you gotten to spend a lot of time with her?

I hear this all happened pretty fast.

You're telling me.

But, yeah, we've seen her a decent amount.

- She really makes an effort with us. - Mm.

I think she really likes having a sense of family.

Oh? Are her parents not in the picture or...?

Well, they're actually right in Seattle,

but apparently Cassidy hasn't spoken to them in years.

Jo, it's none of our business.

Hey, just means more time for us with the grandkids.

♪ Oh, my God ♪

- ♪ You know that I'll be back ♪ - ♪ Here I am ♪

- ♪ Return of the Mack ♪ - ♪ Once again ♪

♪ Return of the Mack... ♪

So, she's pretty close with his family, huh?

Yeah, I guess so.

Wait, you didn't know she was coming, dude?

- No. - What?

Okay, talk to me. How are we feeling about this?

Well, it's not ideal, but it is what it is.

All right, well, say the word and I will help you bury that tiny little body.

Incoming!

Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

- Pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew, pew! - Oh! Oh! Oh!

You sunk my battleship!

Get it? Get it?

Like that movie, Battleship!

This bitch.

♪ Fuck you ♪

♪ Fuck you, fuck-fuck you ♪

♪ Fuck you, fuck-fuck you ♪

♪ Fuck you, fuck-fuck you ♪

- ♪ Fuck you, fuck-fuck you ♪ - ♪ Yep... ♪

- This bitch. - Hey.

- Have a good show. - Thank you.

Rock out.

Yeah.

- ♪ Fuck-fuck you ♪ - ♪ No ♪

♪ Fuck you ♪

♪ I ain't no activist, I'm the protagonist... ♪

Hey. Um...

Your strongest IPA for him, and, uh, you know what, I'll have the same.

- Ally. - Sean.

What are you doing? What is, what is this?

You knew I was at the bar the other night.

That's why you came.

And I'm glad you did.

Hey, everyone.

Uh, I'm your bride/entertainment for the night.

I couldn't think of a band that I like more than us, so...

Uh, but really, I want to thank Joanne and Barry not just for this weekend

but for being so cool.

I don't know, for, like, accepting me.

Um, anyways, this is actually our last show together.

For a little while, at least.

Uh, whew.

Straight from Seattle, we are Dirty Blush.

This one's for you, baby.

One, two, three!

♪ You're so punk rock ♪

♪ How'd you get so punk rock? ♪

♪ You're so really punk rock, so fucking punk rock ♪

♪ So really punk rock! ♪

♪ Every day is the best day of our lives ♪

♪ Every day is the best day of our lives... ♪

All right, clear the space!

- Clear the space! - Hey.

- This is happening! This is happening! - No.

Jeremy, no. Come on, man, no.

Why is he so good at that?

Get up. No more. No more.

He's going again! He's going again!

♪ Hey, over there ♪

♪ Looking real cool ♪

♪ You got your clothes on tight ♪

♪ Looking real nice, making me feel fine ♪

♪ And I ♪

♪ Want you to know that I'm ♪

♪ Real punk rock ♪

♪ You're so punk rock... ♪

Come on. Hey. Camera over there, over there.

♪ You're so punk rock ♪

♪ Yeah, you're all mine, yeah, you're the one ♪

♪ Yeah, you're all mine, yeah, you're the one for me. ♪

Yeah!

Yeah!

Uh, turns out, you guys, we have another musician in the house.

I only know her by reputation, but I can't pass up the opportunity to hear it live.

Everybody, give it up for Ally,

our multitalented videographer.

N-No.

Y-You've been misinformed.

What, so it's not true you used to make up little ditties about everybody at U-dub?

She was either making up ditties or showing her titties!

Okay, you, shut up.

No, I really don't do that anymore.

I-I was enjoying the show. You guys are great.

Play on! Whoo!

Ally.

Ally.

Ally. Ally.

Ally! Ally! Ally!

Ally! Ally!

Prepare to be underwhelmed.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

Oh, no, you're part of the wedding now. I want to commemorate the moment.

Okay.

Um...

Geez, I'll probably just take that.

Uh, okay. I'm...

Boo.

Stop stalling!

♪ Somebody thinks I'm stalling ♪

♪ But I actually might be falling for ♪

♪ All the love in this room ♪

♪ Benny's gonna die if he doesn't save me soon ♪

♪ If only I had a good tune ♪

♪ 'Cause ♪

- ♪ Um... ♪ - ♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ I'm back in my hometown, I'm up here with this band ♪

♪ But, oh, this ain't about me ♪

♪ This is about coronation ♪

♪ A wedding celebration ♪

♪ The groom is Sean and this is Cassidy ♪

♪ Jeremy is here doing the worm for you ♪

♪ He's still a kid to me, but somehow he has two ♪

- Not tonight! - ♪ Jojo's laughing all the way through ♪

♪ Planned a beautiful event for the day, too ♪

♪ And it's a sweet to-do ♪

♪ As the two sides merge ♪

♪ Barry's eyes are dry, but he's on the verge ♪

♪ And then Dirty Blush takes the stage ♪

♪ They play and they blow us all away ♪

♪ Sean and Cassidy ♪

♪ It's a wedding weekend ♪

♪ Which means we all drink for free ♪

♪ Ay! Baby, baby ♪

♪ Sean and Cassidy ♪

♪ Are they ready to say ♪

♪ "I do?" ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo. ♪

Thank you.

So cool.

Well, Mel was a little bit miffed you didn't mention her in the freestyle.

- I was. - Oh.

It's okay. I-It's hard to rhyme with "Mel."

No, it's not.

"Sell," "bell," "tell..."

- Hey. Can I steal you for a second? - Yeah, sure.

- You can think of something. - Okay.

Get back to me.

- You did great up there. - You guys were so awesome.

- Okay. - God, no. So embarrassing.

Huh, really does take me back, though.

Yeah? Wait, when's the last time you guys all saw each other?

Gosh, at least ten years now.

Ah, that's what I thought.

I didn't realize you and Sean still kept in touch.

I mean, we don't really, but you know how it is with old friends.

- Yeah. - You just kind of pick up where you left off.

- Seems like it. - Yeah.

You're not gonna pull some

Julia Roberts My Best Friend's Wedding type shit, are you?

What? No.

But if my being here is making you uncomfortable in any way...

No, no, of course not.

It wouldn't be very cool of me to kick out one of Sean's oldest friends.

♪ And then the words, they come to you... ♪

Hey, babe.

Uh, Ev and Michelle are about to take off. You want to come say bye?

No, I'll see them tomorrow.

We're kind of in the middle of something.

♪ And when they fight, they fight... ♪

Okay. Cool.

Wait, actually, can you grab us some drinks?

- Yeah, sure, okay. - And shots.

Wait, you'll do a shot with me, right?

- I love shots. Let's do some shots. - Yeah, shots.

- Shots. - Thank you.

Yeah.

- Mmm. - Mm-hmm.

So, what was that you were saying about this being your last show?

Uh, well, the girls are in Seattle.

And I live here now.

That must be hard.

Yeah, I mean...

♪ To 22 years old ♪

♪ There must be someone up above... ♪

Wh-Why are you just staring at me?

What the fuck is happening right now?

Sorry.

- It must be the shots. - Mm-hmm.

Um, but, like, how long have you guys been playing together?

Uh, about five years.

I mean, don't get me wrong, it was a blast.

We saw the world.

We opened for some really cool people.

But touring's not a easy way to live.

God, I just can't imagine going from that to living in Leavenworth.

- That's got to be an adjustment. - Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I mean, we're living on the same plot of land as Sean's parents.

Yeah, how much convincing did that take?

I know that's why you guys broke up.

But I like it here.

I like being close to his family.

♪ You got to come on up, you got to hold on... ♪

Speaking of, uh, I don't think I've had a chance to meet anyone from your family.

I don't know what I expected to happen,

but knowing that she was there after all this time

the fucking week that I'm getting married, I just...

I don't know, I had to see her.

- I get that, but did you have to kiss her? - Mm.

I am telling you, man, she kissed me, okay?

- - And I know it sounds like a c... - I know it sounds like a cop-out.

I fucked up.

Now... look, now they're over there together,

talking about who-knows-what.

All right.

So, uh, what are you gonna do about Ally?

♪ So, bless my heart... ♪

I don't know.

Holy sh... You're considering this?

No, I'm not considering this.

Okay, because that was a long pause.

You just misread the moment. I was just concentrating on this shot.

♪ Yeah, you got to get back up... ♪

So your parents don't even know you're getting married?

No. Fuck them.

They would make this whole thing a nightmare.

They'd just be so happy to see that I didn't end up with a woman.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound judgy.

It's just... knowing how Sean is about family?

Trust me, we have had it out many times over this.

And I get it.

It's-it's triggering for him, not knowing his birth parents.

But...

It's like no matter how much I express my hatred for my parents,

he just keeps telling me how much I'm gonna regret not having them here.

So what did you do?

I told him it was their choice not to come.

- Hey, Cass. - Hmm?

Uh, I think it's time for you to take your man home.

- He's about to pick a fight with the pool table. - Ah.

Fuck.

Baby, let's get out of here!

I want to go home and take advantage of you.

It was nice talking to you.

You, too.

I guess I'll see you tomorrow?

Uh-huh.

♪ Be the biggest star in sight... ♪

Okay.

Mm-hmm. That was a good one.

That was a good one.

Okay, where is everyone meeting tomorrow and what time?

You've lost your mind.

Did you see that look she just gave me?

Pulling that flirty shit with Sean in front of my face?

She's challenging me.

Yeah, pretty crazy to show your fiancé that kind of affection.

Whose side are you on?

Oh, come on. Don't put me in the middle of this.

This has been really fun having you here.

It's been a great surprise, but shit gets real tomorrow.

Exactly, and they're counting on me to be there to film it all.

Okay, whatever. You think I can't get the info from anyone else here?

Yo, Jer!

Yo. What's up, A-dog?

You want to ping-pong some rhymes back and forth?

Maybe. Just come here.

Coming.

What's up?

I lost my itinerary for the weekend.

Can you remind me where we're all meeting up tomorrow?

Yeah, you just go to the wedding website.

It's Pornhub.com.

I'm kidding.

Don't... don't tell Mel I said that.

She doesn't like that stuff.

This guy gets it. Boom!

Okay, one sec.

Pretty fucking cute.

- What's cute? - Nothing.

Listen, I need you to find some people for me,

an older couple in Seattle, probably in their 60s.

The parents of Cassidy Rivers.

Oh, fuck me, they're getting married at the Alderwood?

What's happening?

I'm gonna forward you an itinerary.

- I need you to get it to this couple ASAP. - On it.

Shit, what am I doing?

- You know what? Don't send that. - Oh, guess what.

There might be some interest in a new season of the show.

Wait, what? What are you talking about?

So, my friend started working at this new streaming service,

and I told her that the show got canceled.

- Oh, great, tell the whole town. - Sorry. I'm so sorry.

But she then... she mentioned it to her boss, who got, like, really excited

and wants to hop on the phone with you tomorrow

'cause they're, like, desperate for content,

and maybe they could save the show.

Sorry if I overstepped my bounds.

No, no, no, no. It's good, it's good. Uh, just let me think.

It looks like I'll have some time tomorrow before the wedding rehearsal.

Let's set the call for 4:00 p.m.

Who's getting married?

- Sean's getting married? - Jesus!

You know, I knew he was dating that sweet little punk rock girl,

but I-I didn't realize they were so serious.

- You know... - Mom, do you need something?

No, I-I just heard you from the other room and thought I'd check in.

I haven't seen you for more than two minutes since you been home.

It was a pretty significant two minutes.

I know. I'm sorry.

I-I really do want to visit with you,

but first I have to leave town for this, just for a couple days.

Okay.

O-Okay, okay, yeah.

Um, have a fun time, and I'll see you when you get back.

Definitely. I'm all yours when I'm back.

Is, uh... everything all right?

Yeah. Why?

I just... you know, if you ever want to talk, I'm... I'm here.

I know.

Well...

- Actually, Mom? - Hmm?

Do you have any dresses I could borrow?

Oh, well... there's a bunch of your old stuff in your closet.

Oh, perfect.

Thanks.

Hey.

Hey. Nice to see you again.

Yeah, you, too.

Should be a fun weekend.

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

Peace and love.

Is it too booby?

No. It's a sensible outfit for a wedding videographer.

Hey, I am full service, my friend.

I'm the life of the party.

You know, everyone seems psyched to have me here but you.

I don't know. I just...

I feel like I'm the one who started this whole thing that you're doing,

and I see how it affects Sean.

I-I just feel a little bad about it.

Benny, has he asked me to leave?

Hey, Ally, nice dress.

Hey.

- It's too booby. - It's a little booby.

- But in a good way. - Yeah.

♪ First time I saw you, you were sitting in my kitchen ♪

♪ After I talked to you, my love life was itchin' ♪

♪ There's something about you ♪

♪ There's something good about you ♪

♪ I think I love you, baby... ♪

All right, everyone, listen up!

Oh, it's Jojo time.

Gentlemen, you'll change and head straight to golf.

And, ladies, the first spa appointments are in half an hour.

Ooh!

Let's have a fun weekend!

Yeah! Whoo!

- Shit. - Have fun with the ladies.

Shoot, Jojo, I don't have an appointment.

Maybe I should just join the guys for the day.

Ally, I spent a fortune on this place.

They're gonna give us whatever we damn well please.

Come on.

They have a great steam room.

It would just break my heart if that was really our last show.

Yeah. I mean, is this really what you want?

Hey.

Hey, it's the imposter.

- You guys were so great last night. - Thanks.

- Um... - Jules? Cyrina?

- You good? - Yeah.

- Okay. Just think about what we were saying. - Mm-hmm.

Sorry if I was interrupting something.

Was it about the band?

They think you're choosing Sean over your work?

I know you probably don't care about my opinion,

but I've literally been in your exact position.

With the same guy.

And?

I wanted to make docs, and the opportunities were in L.A.

It's like Sean had this whole idea of what he wanted his life to look like.

It was all planned out, but then there was no room for my plans.

You have no regrets?

I'm happier than ever.

I saw how emotional you were at the start of the show last night.

You can't ignore those feelings.

I can't go lay down for an hour right now.

You smoke weed?

Hmm?

Mm-hmm.

So this is when we were touring with Sleater-Kinney, right?

So, the curtains open up, and it's the three of us onstage fully nude,

doing our best Robin Wright Forrest Gump impersonation.

- No. - Yeah, and Cyrina... hold on.

Cyrina was going through her hipster phase at the time,

where all she was playing was the triangle.

So there was not much to hide behind.

Oh, man.

Oh!

I used to do stuff like that all the time.

Weren't you, like, a nudist?

I was. Yes.

That's cool.

Yeah, yeah.

I used to, you know, really go all out for the things I believed in.

I didn't give a shit. I just did what I wanted.

And that's exactly what I'm talking about.

You can't give that up.

I mean, I wish I didn't have to.

But...

I love Sean, and like you said,

he has this idea of what his life should be.

We, um...

actually thought that I was pregnant.

It's kind of why we got engaged in the first place.

It was super impulsive.

And then we found out that I wasn't, and...

we never talked about it again.

Like... if we still wanted to get married or...

wait or...

I don't know.

I don't know.

- Fuck. - That counts.

You want to talk about it?

It's just... not how I thought I would feel the day before my wedding.

I don't get it, man. You're crazy about Cassidy.

I mean, a couple months ago, you thought you were gonna have a kid with her.

And I'd never seen you so excited.

I was. I mean, I am.

It just...

...feels like she's been pulling away.

Okay, what do you mean?

Like...

I don't know, when we thought she was pregnant,

we decided she would stop touring.

You know, essentially quit the band and stay home and be a mom,

but now I-I don't know.

It's like she got a glimpse of what that life would be,

and she's having second thoughts or something.

So she's saying she'd rather be on the road than, like, try again?

No, she hasn't actually said that. It's just...

It all feels too familiar. You know?

I'm just scared she'll take off like everyone else.

Cassidy isn't Ally.

I think you just need to talk to her.

Look, he's not wrong.

Being in a relationship while on the road is fucking hard.

People get jealous.

The last two girls I dated broke up with me because of it.

I get it.

But you can't just fully close off one whole side of yourself.

That's no way to live.

I mean, you chose a path,

and you're doing great, right?

Sorry, I just unloaded a lot.

You're really good at your job.

I have an idea.

Just like Bagger Vance.

Yeah! Titties!

- Yeah! - Dude, come on. Hey.

Hey, do not be a little perv.

Keep your eyes on the iPad. Eyes on the...

- That's it. - Vagina!

Bradley Pitt Campbell, do not chase the naked ladies!

I'm in trouble.

Hey.

Wait, what are you doing here?

Uh, I just wanted to spend some time with you before everything got going tonight.

Yeah?

You didn't want to finish your game?

Wait, didn't I see you at the ninth hole?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, what was going on with you and Ally out there?

What did it look like?

No, no, it just seems like you two are, you know, really bonding.

She's actually really cool.

I... I'm kind of glad she's here.

Cool.

- What, are you jealous? - No.

Well, don't worry.

I much prefer being naked with you.

You okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, I just, uh... I wanted to talk to you, you know, just check in.

Okay, what do you want to talk about?

I don't know.

Um... how are you feeling?

Kinda horny.

I'm serious.

I feel great. I feel great.

Why? How are you feeling?

Yeah. Good. I feel great. Yeah.

Great. Then where were we?

You know what? I'm sorry.

I just... I feel a little gross, and I want to take a quick shower.

- Okay. - Cool?

- Yeah. - All right.

I will, uh... I'll be right back.

Okay.

Good, good, good. Clap it, pap it... pop it, pop it.

All right, you win, again.

I got to go. I got to go.

Okay, this is all happening because they thought they were pregnant?

Why didn't you tell me?

'Cause I'm not a shitty friend.

- So, what, she told you? - Yeah.

Wow. Lot more going on between you two than just naked frolicking.

I was stoned, okay?

And somehow we started bonding over nudity.

I... It all weirdly felt like a natural progression.

Mm-hmm.

And I heard you're setting up some kind of interview station after dinner now?

I thought it would be nice to cut to talking heads during the video.

I don't know.

I told you she was cool.

Okay, you're right. She's great.

She actually reminds me a lot of me at that age.

But I don't know.

It's like Sean is trying to get back this thing that we had

but with someone else, and...

it just feels like maybe they did rush into all this.

Ally, just don't hurt him again.

Okay, everyone,

let's do the damn thing!

It's Jojo time.

We'll start with the kids, okay?

Walk towards me.

Wonderful.

♪ Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe... ♪

Okay, keep it coming.

Hey!

- Okay. - Jeremy, sweetheart.

♪ It'll never do somehow ♪

- Jeremy. - Okay.

Okay.

♪ At the break of dawn... ♪

And then the beautiful bride.

♪ And I'll be gone ♪

♪ You're the reason I'm a-traveling on ♪

♪ But don't think twice, it's all right. ♪

Shit.

Hi. Um, so they've been waiting for a while, but...

- Hey, yeah, just patch me in. - Yeah, okay.

All right, and then, uh,

this handsome young man is gonna have a little talk from me,

and, uh... Oh.

And then, uh, Cassidy, I'm gonna say some words to you,

and then I'll open the floor to both of you.

All right.

- We should all be on now. - You know what?

I'm actually not in a good service area.

Kayla, can you take the lead on this?

Wait, what?

All right, all right, settle down.

I know you're all excited to hear from the Jer-meister,

but quiet down, quiet down.

That's my girl.

As Michael Scott from The Office might say,

Marriage!

Marriage is what brings us together today.

Ugh. Sorry.

- Uh... - You got this, baby!

I... I'm just so happy that you get to experience

what it's like to build your own family.

Yeah, so as I was saying,

marriage!

♪ Now I'm teaching you how to rap ♪

♪ These sick-ass chinos are from The Gap. ♪

You just keep rhyming. Just any word that rhymes.

- Yeah. - ♪ I'm so glad to be with you ♪

♪ I feel that urge coming on... ♪

Hey, are you gonna do those interviews for the wedding video?

Uh, yeah, I was gonna get those going in a little bit.

No, no, no, no, I'm in an active blackout right now,

and this is when I'm at my most honest, so let's go, let's go. Come on.

Hey, everyone, don't forget to do your interview!

That was great, you guys.

Jo, you're kind of stealing some of my thunder here.

Save it for tomorrow.

I'm just really happy.

- Good night, Ally. - Night, Jo.

Oh, geez.

You, uh...

you got one more in you?

Of course.

You know, I'm, uh, I'm used to it from my dad,

but I haven't seen my mom that emotional in a long time.

You know, they can't stop talking about you.

Actually, everyone's raving about you.

Especially little Brad.

Aw. Am I his first boobs and bush?

Okay, so, uh, how do we... do this?

Okay, well...

tell me a little about the bride and groom.

I'm serious.

What made you fall in love with her?

You don't like her.

- I like her. - Really?

Yeah.

She, um...

she kind of reminds me of somebody I used to know.

Yeah, me, too.

So, tell me...

what made you fall in love with her?

She's...

...spontaneous.

She's artistic.

She makes me laugh.

She looks beautiful tonight.

Ally, I...

Excuse me.

Is this the Rivers-Campbell dinner?

Uh, yeah.

I mean, dinner is over, though. I'm-I'm Sean Campbell, the groom.

- Can I help you? - I think you can.

We're Cassidy's parents.

I'm Mike. This is my wife Teresa.

Oh, my... oh, my God.

I, um... I'm-I'm so excited to meet you guys.

- I didn't think you could make it. - Well, it was pretty short notice.

Well, you're a man.

That's a step in the right direction.

What?

Uh, it's just that, you know, some lesbians have butch names like Sean,

so we didn't know.

Is my daughter here?

Yeah.

Uh, yeah, let me grab her for you.

So you guys just got the invite or...?

Just yesterday. Yeah.

An email from someone we don't even know.

Thought it was spam.

What a way to discover your daughter's getting married.

Okay, so you're just not gonna tell me?

You did this?

- What? No, I thought you... - God, Jesus Christ.

- How many times have we had this conversation? - No...

- Here we go. - Cassidy, control yourself.

No, you do not get to tell me anything.

We didn't come all this way to get berated.

I didn't want you to come here at all.

Look, I told you nothing would be different.

Just so you know, your mother had to drag me here.

And wow.

The two of you are just the picture of marital bliss.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Everything is about you and what you want.

I...

I can't do this for the rest of my life.

Higher!

- Mm-hmm. - Uh-oh.

- I should go. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Just a second.

- What did you do? - Something bad.

Jesus, Ally, this has gone way too far.

I know. I'm done.

I'm stopping now.

♪ At the hotel ♪

♪ Feeling motel ♪

- ♪ Treating me like ♪ - ♪ What's your hurry baby? ♪

♪ I'm for sale... ♪

Yes?

Um, oh, my God. I mean, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Jesus, Kayla, breathe. What's going on?

They're in! They want to do the show!

- What? - I know! I don't know.

Like, I guess they kind of liked my pitch or something, and so...

I just... I blacked out. Honestly, I don't really remember.

But they want to hop into creative top of next week, and it's happening.

Wow.

It's amazing.

Are you freaking out? I'm kind of freaking out.

Totally freaking out.

Um...

Really great work, Kayla.

- Kayla? - I don't know.

Like, you're my best friend.

Okay, I'm-I'm gonna hang up now.

Yeah, I have to go, too.

♪ Getting motel ♪

- ♪ Treating me like ♪ - ♪ Treating me like... ♪

Hey.

Hey.

How'd it go with Cassidy?

Well, she, uh, locked me out of our room.

Which led to a nice little fight through the door.

She said we're done. It's over.

Oh, man.

Can I come in?

I just...

I just need someone to talk to.

It's just fucking crazy.

She told me that she had invited her parents and that they couldn't come.

Like, we talked about it many times.

Why would she lie about it in the first place?

And now she's turning it on me

and using it as some excuse to, like, run or something.

I'm sorry, Sean.

I really messed things up.

Ah, it's not your fault.

Uh...

Truth is I feel like I should be thanking you.

For what?

For just, like...

...being here.

And helping me see that maybe...

...I rushed into all of this.

Hey.

It's all right.

Fuck.

We could have avoided wasting a big chunk of our lives.

I wouldn't say I wasted those years.

No, I-I know. That's not what I...

It's more like what you said the other day about how,

you know, you just chose the wrong thing.

Okay, but I wouldn't say my time in L.A. was meaningless.

I did have my own show for three years.

Right, yeah, exactly.

It's just...

It's over now, so...

Actually, it-it might not be.

What does that mean?

They picked up the show for another season.

Of course.

What?

This is classic you.

That's not true.

I just, I...

So...

...why are you still here?

I don't know.

I don't think I'm ever gonna be who you need me to be.

Oh, come on, I never asked you to be anything but yourself.

Yes, you did.

And now you're doing the same thing to her.

You want her to change her whole life for you.

No, don't-don't do that.

Okay? You don't even know her.

I know that she's scared to tell you the truth.

She's-she's terrified you won't take her for who she really is.

That's not... You have no idea what we've been going through.

Okay? And just 'cause you didn't want this life doesn't...

She doesn't want to give up the band!

You can't make her do that because that's what's best for you!

So, what?

You just came here to blow up my fucking life?

- Again? - No.

Is that what this is? Is that why you came?

- You came to see me at the bar, okay? - Oh, my God.

You know, I cannot believe that I let you in my head.

You know what? Go back to your sad, pathetic little game show

where you manipulate people into saying and doing exactly what you want from them.

Yeah.

Because that's your whole life.

None of it's real.

But it's real fucking people you're hurting.

I don't want to fucking talk to you!

Uh, it's me, Ally.

I have something I need to say to you. It's kind of important.

What?

Say it.

Is it, uh... is it okay if I come in?

God, this is so fucked-up!

- I know. - No! No, you don't.

This.

You in my bridal suite the night before my wedding.

I know that you still love him.

I know that's why you came here this weekend.

Okay, you're-you're not wrong.

That was why I came here, but h... he...

Look, my work life is shit.

It's not the amazing picture I painted earlier.

Somewhere along the way, I got pretty lost

and hung my entire self-worth on a show called Dessert Island.

It's so stupid.

So when I came home and saw Sean, I-I thought he might be the answer.

But... then meeting you,

seeing how fucking cool you are, how well you know yourself,

how passionate you are about your music,

it just... it breaks my heart that you would give that up.

You reminded me how important that spark is.

I wish I still had that kind of passion.

And... and you can't just let it die.

Not for some guy.

Not for anything.

You are incredible.

And you deserve somebody who sees that, who really sees that,

and who loves you for all of you.

Babe?

Babe, I can hear you. Can you...

Can you just please let me in?

You know what? You're right.

I don't deserve anything from you right now.

Babe, I'm so sorry.

You know, for a lot of things.

I know I haven't... I haven't been myself lately.

Especially these last few days, and, you know, I can only...

...imagine how that's made you feel about this whole thing and about me.

It's made me feel like you're a fucking asshole.

Yeah, that's true.

But, you know, Cass, I-I don't, I don't want to be that person anymore.

I don't want to hold you back.

And I don't want to make you think you can't tell me how you're feeling.

The band.

I don't want to stop playing music.

And I'm gonna keep touring.

Yeah, I-I think you should.

Really?

It's hard to believe that you're all of a sudden so cool with it.

Look, I know.

I know, and...

you know, all that was just...

stuff from my past.

You know, abandonment shit with my birth parents and...

...old relationships.

I know I-I took it all out on you, and I know that's not fair.

I don't know, I guess I thought that you would leave me, too.

That the band would become more important than us.

But, Cass, I...

your music is who you are,

and it is a huge part of why I fell in love with you,

and I don't ever want you to change that.

Like, I'm the one who needs changing.

Look, I am finally seeing clearly, and I don't want to lose you, Cass.

But wait, why would you invite my parents here after everything that I told you?

No, babe, babe, I swear I had nothing to do with that.

I'm sorry.

Shit.

- I love you so much. - Oh.

And I am...

I'm starting to like you a lot, too.

I'm gonna be better for you.

Yeah, you are.

But you got to go. I got to get ready to be your wife.

I'm getting married today!

Hello! I'm getting married!

Um...

Congratulations.

That was a really fucked-up thing you did.

I know.

I'm-I'm so sorry.

You almost ruined everything.

I'm sorry.

I'll go.

Should I wait like 30 seconds? He just left.

I'll be sneaky.

Hey.

I kind of hate you right now,

but thanks.

I'm getting married today.

And you can send the flowers up now, yeah?

Awesome. Thank you.

- Hi. - Hi.

Um...

- I'm sorry. - Me, too.

Bye, Sean.

Bye, Ally.

♪ When your love has moved away ♪

♪ You must face yourself and you must say ♪

♪ I remember better days ♪

♪ Don't you cry 'cause she is gone ♪

♪ She is only moving on ♪

♪ Chasing mirrors through a haze... ♪

Oh, God, come on!

Oh! Honey, you surprised us.

Sweetie, don't-don't go far.

We're almost done.

Okay. Go. Go, go, go.

Oh.

Mom, come in.

Hi.

I, uh, I just wanted to make sure you were decent.

We're way past that.

Well, um, how was Sean's wedding?

It's happening as we speak.

Oh.

Sweetie, Sean was never the guy for you.

I know. I know that now.

Oh.

Honey, honey.

Oh, honey, it'll be okay.

You'll be okay.

No, it's not him.

It's just... I don't know what to do anymore.

I spent so long giving everything to this one thing,

and you know, I made my choices and this is who I am now.

It's just...

maybe I don't like who I am.

Honey, um, do you...

do you remember when you insisted on shaving your head

right before your college admission interviews?

And I-I begged you not to, but you-you wouldn't back down.

You said, "This is in solidarity with Britney Spears.

"This is for women everywhere.

They can't touch our hair..."

If we don't have any.

Yeah, and I got into every school I applied to.

Exactly.

You followed your heart, not caring what the outcome would be,

and everyone recognized that it was coming from a... from a pure place.

It was refreshing and different and, uh...

But it was you.

You just need to let go and get back to you.

Who you really are.

It's-it's... it's not too late.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, you see, this is why I haven't been home in so long.

I can't hide anything from you.

I'm sorry if I haven't been a very good daughter lately.

Oh, honey, I love you no matter what.

Do you want to take a walk or go see a movie or something?

Yeah, I'd love that.

And maybe Sheldon wants to come.

Well, he already came twice today.

Jesus, Mom!

Hi. I'm so glad you called.

I'm really sorry I got so emotional the other night.

Just hearing you compliment me,

- I felt very honored. - It's fine.

Listen, Kayla, how would you feel about taking over the show next season?

Wait, what? Wait. What?

I want you to showrun.

You're ready. You've earned it.

I'm gonna take that as a yes.

♪ It comes ♪

♪ A visible horizon ♪

♪ Right where it starts, it ends... ♪

- I'm married, bitches! - Yeah!

♪ It comes... ♪

♪ On, where it starts, it ends ♪

♪ Love like a sunset. ♪

♪ Gonna have some fun ♪

♪ Go with the flow ♪

♪ What will happen? Nobody knows ♪

♪ But you're feeling good 'cause you took a long piss ♪

♪ And now you fucking got this ♪

Hey, she's, uh, feeling a little nervous now that the cameras are set up.

I have an idea.

We're all drawn to naturism for different reasons.

I mean, some people like the freedom.

Others are here for the aspect of community,

and some of us just like the acceptance.

What do you mean by that?

Well...

for most of my life, I was never comfortable in my own body.

You know? I didn't want to see anyone.

I certainly didn't want anyone to see me.

And I don't just mean physically.

I was... pretending all the time.

I just didn't know how to be.

I totally get it.

It took a long time for me to learn how to just be me.

Seems like you figured it out, though.

Yeah.

I found my place.

There's no pretense here.

Nobody cares if you're fat or you're skinny or you're short

or you have a small penis.

We're all just accepted for who we are.

And... this is me!

- You're amazing. - Eh.

Really inspiring.

Aw. Come here.

Thank you again so much.

This was really lovely.

Roxy, have a great weekend.

I'll see you Monday.

Hey. Ally.

- Hey. - Hey.

That was a fun one.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Thanks for the solidarity. - Yeah, anytime.

And again, great work as always.

Thanks.

Hey, wait, um...

what are you doing right now?

Do you want to grab a drink or something?

Is this because you just saw my boobs and bush?

No, no. That's not...

- I'm sorry, that's... - No, I'm-I'm just kidding.

Um, I'm actually heading home for the weekend to see my mom.

- Oh, that's nice. Yeah. - But...

...maybe next weekend?

Yeah. That sounds great.

Great.

I'm gonna puke next weekend!

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo... ♪

♪ I'm packed and I'm holding ♪

♪ I'm smiling, she living, she golden, she lives for me ♪

♪ Says she lives for me, ovation, her own motivation ♪

♪ She comes round and she goes down on me ♪

♪ And I make her smile like a drug for you ♪

♪ Do ever what you want to do, coming over you ♪

♪ Keep on smiling, what we go through ♪

♪ One stop to the rhythm that divides you ♪

♪ And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse ♪

♪ Chop another line like a coda with a curse ♪

♪ Come on like a freak show, takes the stage ♪

♪ We give them the games we play, she say ♪

♪ I want something else ♪

♪ To get me through this ♪

♪ Semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby ♪

♪ I want something else ♪

♪ I'm not listening when you say ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ The sky was gold, it was rose ♪

♪ I was taking sips up into my nose ♪

♪ And I wish I could get back there, someplace back there ♪

♪ Smiling in the pictures you would take ♪

♪ Doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break ♪

♪ It won't stop, I won't come down, I keep stock ♪

♪ With a ticktock rhythm, a bump for the drop ♪

♪ And then I bumped up, I took the hit that I was given ♪

♪ Then I bumped again, then I bumped again, I said ♪

♪ How do I get back there to the place where I fell asleep inside you? ♪

♪ How do I get myself back to the place where you said ♪

♪ I want something else ♪

♪ To get me through this ♪

♪ Semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby ♪

♪ I want something else ♪

♪ I'm not listening when you say ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ I believe in the sand beneath my toes ♪

♪ The beach gives a feeling, an earthy feeling ♪

♪ I believe in the faith that grows ♪

♪ And the four right chords can make me cry ♪

♪ When I'm with you, I feel like I could die ♪

♪ And that would be all right, all right ♪

♪ And when the plane came in, she said she was crashing ♪

♪ The velvet, it rips in the city ♪

♪ We tripped on the urge to feel alive ♪

♪ But now I'm struggling to survive ♪

♪ Those days you were wearing that velvet dress ♪

♪ You're the priestess, I must confess ♪

♪ Those little red panties, they pass the test ♪

♪ So slide up round the belly face down on the mattress one ♪

♪ And you hold me ♪

♪ And we are broken ♪

♪ Still it's all that I want to do, just a little now ♪

♪ Feel myself hovering off the ground ♪

♪ I'm scared, I'm not coming down ♪

♪ No, no ♪

♪ And I won't run for my life ♪

♪ She's got her jaws now locked down in a smile ♪

♪ But nothing is all right, all right ♪

♪ And I want something else ♪

♪ To get me through this life, baby ♪

♪ I want something else ♪

♪ Not listening when you say ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ The sky was gold, it was rose, I was taking sips up into my nose ♪

♪ And I wish I could get back there, someplace back there ♪

♪ In the place we used to start our lives ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

- ♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ - ♪ I want something else. ♪