Original subtitles

Much like trying on jeans,

college is all about finding where you fit in.

But not in a clique-y "Mean Girls" kind of way.

More in a figuring out what feels good kind of way.

But also like trying on the right pair of jeans,

finding where you fit in college

can be a painful process.

Mm. It's giving moose knuckle.

That thang do be thangin', though.

I'm lucky that found my fit in a lot of different places

with my living situation.

You used up all the hot water.

With talent management,

I commissioned this piece for the frat

from my little Banks-quiat, "The Squid."

Mm, I think it's a commentary

on the inevitable calamity of society.

_

With my Gamma brother turned business partner Brock,

we're still working on it, but we're growing to trust

and respect each other.

_

He be playing too much.

And of course, with my ride-or-die friend group.

My first national campaign.

And there's even going to be billboards.

Yes.

I may be too cool to be seen with you guys now.

And too humble.

But sometimes, you once fit as friends,

then lovers, then back to friends,

then to three-way lovers until you're...

I don't know what.

And even though you say things are Gucci

for the good of the friend group,

the fit still feels a little...

eh...

weird.

I reckon this campus ain't big enough

for the three of us.

I mean, physically, it is.

But...

metaphorically, it's going to be mighty tight.

Hello? Earth to Andre, hello.

- Did you hear what Kiela said? - What? No.

Have you been practicing your daily stretches

for the Dance-a-thon tonight?

I'm not about to have a partner with tight hamstrings.

Oh, yes, of course.

My hammies are loose, and I'm ready to shake my caboose.

Yeah, right.

Flexibility has never really been your strong suit.

I was actually voted Most Limber in high school.

- Thank you. - Oh, my gosh, I was voted Stiffest.

Because of my scoliosis.

But trust, I am coming correct.

The Cal U Gamma Dance-a-thon

is one of the biggest events of the year.

Yeah, and nothing gets your girl going like bragging rights.

Well, you know, except civil rights

and reproductive rights.

Ugh, well, my partner tore his Achilles playing basketball.

Now we're just going to watch "Step Up 2"

and probably do hand stuff.

Who's your partner, Annika?

Well I held a campus-wide charity

competition on my IG Live.

And the winner gets to be my dance partner tonight.

Can everyone stop bragging about

going to the Dance-a-thon?

Some of us can't go because we have

- a mandatory family dinner. - Mm.

Oh, a mandatory family dinner

also sounds like it could be fun.

Oh, my God, girl.

What?

Hope your partner isn't a creeper.

Wow.

I thought things would still be weird,

but maybe everything's Gucci after all.

Douglas. I come bearing gifts.

And that gift is me finally closing my bar tab.

- Yeah? - Oh, yeah.

I'll believe it when I see it.

You know, now that your boy is a big -shot professor,

I've been using Chime to take charge of my finances.

Speaking of big shots, you remember this critic

that came through a while ago when I singlehandedly

saved you and Andre's friendship?

Yes, I do remember him.

Yeah, the review came out today.

Damn. I'm sorry.

What, he went in on the bar?

No.

It was complimentary, actually.

Glowing, even.

OK.

So why aren't we taking shots?

Because for one, it's 10:00 a.m.

And two, he gave all of the credit to Ray.

I mean, the whole thing was Doug-less.

Damn. Sucks, dude.

I don't know.

I guess we're both licking our wounds.

Me with this dumb review

and you with the whole Edie situationship breakup.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, my friend.

My wounds are lick-free. I'm chilling.

- Oh. Are you sure about that? - Yeah.

You know, denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

Denial.

I don't know her.

But what I do know is that this review is going to be

in your rear view, partner. Why?

Because tonight, we're going to be dancing

until we're the last ones standing.

Oh.

? We're going to the Cal U Dance-a-thon ?

- Let me hear you say it. - ? Cal U Dance-a-thon ?

One more time. Come on.

? Cal U Dance-a-thon ?

This is our year, baby. Let's go.

Yes. Trophy time for Team Darron!

And since Gamma alumni are allowed to enter.

Yeah.

This is our chance to harpoon the white whale.

No, you know, we almost had it in 2019

if I didn't get that DQ for trying to tie my shoe.

But, you know, that's why tonight

we're going to go laceless.

And we're also going to go ruthless.

- Yeah. - ? Cal U Dance-a-thon ?

Everybody, come on.

? Cal U Dance-a-thon ?

Let me hear you say it.

? Cal U Dance-a-thon ?

As the rest of us were getting ready to burn up

the dance floor, Zaara was getting ready

for a tame evening with her family.

Salam, family.

Why does everyone look like they just ate

Jamila Auntie's samosa casserole?

You might want to look down.

How did you find that?

Jamila Auntie sent it to our group text.

There's a whole billboard over the store

where she buys her samosa casserole spices.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Jamila Auntie just dropped to 38th in the auntie rankings.

Whew, competition is stiff this year,

so we might have to take matters into our own hands.

I like where your head's at.

I've been working on this, like, leg sweep.

Subtle, but deadly.

And I told you, that jiu-jitsu's finally coming in handy.

Yeah, smooth.

? Ooh, baby, oh ?

? Gotta get my heart body pumping ?

? Pumping ?

? And I want more ?

? Yeah, baby, oh ?

Kiki, how you doing?

Kiki?

Are we, uh... we're doing nicknames now?

Well, I mean, yeah. It's less syllables.

More energy to cut a rug.

- It's kind of tactical. - OK.

- Yeah. - OK, yeah.

I can get down with that, uh, Andy.

- Mm. - No, that's not...

It's not cute.

I cannot believe that I am here with

the host of "Social Submarine."

I can't believe that I'm here with the Jermaine.

Oh, shit, sorry.

I mean, the Gerald.

Girl, you can call me Chaka Khan for all I care.

I am just happy to be here.

Now, I do know the entire "Single Ladies" choreography

front to back.

If some kind of dance-off situation occurs...

The [BLEEP]?

OK, so not a Beyonc� fan.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the rules of the Cal U Gamma Dance-a-thon are simple.

Whichever couple dances the longest wins.

Now you can switch your partners as the night goes on.

But you must keep dancing, and you must be coupled up.

Capisce? All right, then.

Let's get this party started.

? I can't tell you how to go ?

? I want closure ?

? Are we over ?

? Though we had something special ?

Is Andre into Kiela?

Am I into Kiela?

? Free yourself for moving up ?

? That mountaintop ?

? Why don't you please ?

Just as the group recovers from threesome-gate,

of course I'm getting the hots for Kiela.

But I mean, who wouldn't? She's beautiful.

She's smart.

We clearly have physical chemistry.

It's just, I think I'm feeling...

I don't know.

I'm feeling romantical.

I gotta go talk to my brothers.

You OK?

You seem distracted.

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm great.

I just, I realized I got to go talk to No Shirt Nick.

Shall we sashay that-a-way?

What it do, you two?

Mind if I steal my bestie Kiela for a quick chat?

Here, Andre, take George.

Good idea.

Yeah, I was just about to go bro down with the Gammas.

You know, man to man.

No girls allowed.

Uh, this isn't stated in the IG competition fine print.

- Right. - OK.

- Ooh! - Let's go this way.

Yeah, yeah. Keep dancing.

Fellas, I think we got a problem.

- What's up? - I think I like-like Kiela.

- Oh. - Damn.

Of course you like a girl who lets you smash her

and your ex at the same time, right?

No, no, no, bro.

We were dancing earlier and I put my hand on her lower back.

And then my heart started to just go

ba-donk, ba-donk, ba-donk.

So how do I go from [BLEEP]-boy to boyfriend?

With a Y.

Well, you've come to the right place, my brother.

First, called the eldest living male member of her clan.

Then you ask for her hand, like on "Game of Thrones."

Medieval classy style.

What? No.

What you got to do is, you got to let her know

you are an upstanding gentleman, you know?

You got cufflinks, right?

You know bitches love cufflinks.

Cufflinks?

You don't even got any cuffs to link, [BLEEP].

The foolishness.

How on Earth did you get a queen like Annika?

Well, I was patient and I waited for the right moment

to make a move, I guess.

Well, then do that.

And stay away from these clowns.

So girly,

I noticed you and Andre getting cozy on the dance floor

and I wanted to get the inside scoop.

Everyone's been talking about it.

You guys look so cute together, don't you think?

Oh. Well, I don't know. It's not...

Oh, so you don't think you look good together.

Well, no, I'm not saying that.

- It's just that... - Oh, so you agree.

You do think you look cute together.

Look, nothing's going on between Andre and I, OK?

We're just two good old friends

having a good old time at a good old Dance-a-thon.

A, uh, friend got me into modeling.

And at first it was kind of silly,

but then it turns out I'm actually kind of good at it.

Of course you're good at it.

You've got my cheekbones and your father's strong jaw.

That's not the point.

The point is we sent you to school

to learn to practice medicine.

Not to swerve looks.

It's "serve lewks," mummy -ji.

It's just a thing that I do

to make some extra money and wear cool clothes.

See? Nothing to worry about.

Zaara is still focusing on her studies

and going to be a doctor.

Baba, I am not going to be a model or a doctor, actually.

Come again, beti?

Daddy-ji, mummy-ji,

I don't want to study medicine anymore.

Zaara, my father didn't bring us

to this country on a fishing boat

for his granddaughter not to be a doctor.

Well, one of his granddaughters

is technically still going to be a doctor.

Of feet.

Anyway, look, I'm really sorry.

The last thing that I want to do is disappoint you.

I'm still trying to figure out what the right career is for me.

And I'm a lot happier trying to figure it out

than I was doing pre-med.

And with my modeling income,

I'm going to pay for the rest of my education.

The rest of your education? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You will be paying us back for your entire tuition,

Miss Indy Crawford.

- Wait, what? - Just checking in

on my handsome happy family over here.

Apps, maybe?

Read the room, Asher!

? Spinning clouds throughout my day ?

Wow, it's like I blinked

and there were no more couples left.

Uh, partners.

Pairs.

Platonic pairs.

Totally, totally.

Hey, if we do win, who gets to keep the trophy?

I guess we have to come up with some sort of

trophy custody schedule with a notary?

Oh, well, I'm going to get the weekends

and Labor Day, obviously.

Obviously.

? I kind of lose it in my mind ?

? Ooh ?

Oh, my God, this is my favorite song to twerk to.

You wouldn't mind, Kiela, would you?

Oh no. Yeah, no.

Not at all.

Oh, this is just like, you know,

just two friends twerking together.

Just like brother and sister.

Just nothing gross.

DQ'ed, General!

You stopped dancing.

Damn. Kiki, I'm sorry.

Kiki?

OK, I'm going to DQ myself.

We win together, lose together, right, platonic partner?

How about a partner switcher?

Well, what do you guys say, huh?

I'm sorry, I don't know your name.

Do you even go to this school?

- Do you, old man? - He's not that old.

He just wears old man cardigans sometimes.

That was mean to say. Come on.

So, waltz or tango, brother?

Waltz.

OK, be honest.

Did I see you twerking on your ex?

You're not trying to get back with Andre, are you?

Didn't you break up with him?

Kiela's clearly into him.

She just won't admit it.

And she's my friend, so seeing them all lovey-dovey,

it just makes me feel some kind of way.

I don't like it.

Yeah, no, I get it. I get it.

It's never easy seeing your ex vibing with someone else.

Especially when some people make it look easy

and then you start to question all your life choices.

And then you break up with the finest piece of chocolate

with a PhD you've ever seen.

Uh, do you need me for this?

I guess what I'm trying to say is,

you let Andre go for a reason, right?

So you got to let go of caring about whoever he ends up with.

Even if it's Kiela.

Because you, Annika, are a boss.

You're famous.

You're hosting your "Social Shipment Container" show...

- "Social Submarine." - Same thing.

But I hear you. You're right.

I'm too booked and busy to be spending

- any more time on this. - There you go.

Thank you, Professor Jackson.

You're very, very welcome.

Now I'm sorry I have to do this,

but all's fair in love and Dance-a-thon.

- Ah! - You know what I mean?

Double disqualification!

Aaron and Doug are our winners!

You're the wind beneath my wings, buddy.

- Mama, we made it! - Oh!

The Cal U Gamma chapter is proud to present

the 2024 Dance-a-thon Mirrorball trophy

to Professor Aaron Jackson and Gamma alum D-Nasty Edwards!

All right, I just want to say this real quick,

shout-out to all my haters,

and shout-out to my biggest inspiration, Alfonso Ribeiro.

He told me to never stop dancing.

Stay sucker-free.

And we are our ancestors' greatest dreams.

That's for you, Pop-Pop.

Just take it.

Uh, you were saying?

OK. Well, yeah.

Doug pretty much said it all.

Ancestors never stop dancing,

and Alfonso's a hater.

So there's that. Thank you, guys.

- ? I don't need you questioning my motives ? - OK, yeah.

? With you all the time ?

? What else do I need to show you ?

? Just don't wait for too long ?

What now?

Hoping to slip some truth serum in my drink

to get me to admit that Andre is my twin flame?

OK. OK.

Maybe I went a little bit too far tonight.

But I'm sorry that I got you and Andre

kicked out of the competition.

I just got caught up.

But I'm done hounding you.

- No more. - Yeah, right.

You made the McCarthy era look like a light work tonight.

OK, Jeopardy.

But I'm serious.

Like him, don't like him.

I don't care.

I cut him loose.

OK.

But in like a, you're still secretly

going to be mad kind of way?

No.

Like in a, do you, because I'm damn sure

going to do me kind of way.

Thanks, Annika.

Oh, don't thank me yet.

I gave Gerald your number instead of mine,

so get ready for a lot of text messages

about what kind of deodorant I use.

I thought that would feel better.

Sofia, if you dropped your key down the storm drain again,

I am going to kill you.

I told you.

Yeah, Mom and Dad are going to be pissed.

Because it really takes a rocket scientist

or a foot doctor to figure that one out.

Um, actually, I was going to say I told you

to stay away from storm drains.

They're the third leading cause of phalange fractures.

That's equally unhelpful, Nova.

At least the weight of telling them is off your shoulders.

Yes.

I'm feeling footloose and fancy-free.

And you've got to be making good money

if you're on the billboard above Jamila Auntie's grocery store.

Jamie Lee Curtis was up there last month.

It's not about the money.

I can figure that part out.

They just looked so disappointed in me.

Like they don't even know who I am anymore.

They don't understand it yet.

But they will.

Just like I do now.

And in the meantime,

I'm here for you.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

If you tell Mom I said this, I'll deny it.

But she sent some purse ad that you did

to the auntie group chat after dinner.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

Ooh!

? The Cal U Dance-a-thon ?

? Get it at the Cal U Dance-a-thon ?

You killing my vibe, man.

We finally caught the white whale

we've been chasing for over five years.

You look like you just ate a bad grape.

I'm sorry, man.

Maybe I'm just one of those people who can't be happy.

Won this competition after years of trying, and nothing.

I had the perfect woman on paper with Edie,

and that didn't feel right.

Got the job I always wanted, and it's...

it's cool.

But something's missing.

Well, what do you think it is?

Wish I knew.

Maybe you were looking out at the crowd

wishing like someone was there.

Maybe someone like Zoey.

Maybe.

I can't lie, I've not been able to get her out of my mind.

Yeah.

I have to get her back.

You know what?

I am... I'm kind of glad we got eliminated,

because figuring out a custody schedule

for the trophy would have been, like, way too hard anyways.

Yeah, it'd have been difficult.

I mean, even though we didn't win,

I still feel like we made a pretty good team.

Oh, you know what? That actually reminds me.

I was talking to Annika earlier,

and she was telling me how she thinks we are,

like, kind of look cute together.

I don't know. It's silly, though, huh?

I don't know. Is it?

Are you Andre Johnson?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Um, what's going on?

I'm Officer McCord.

We need to bring you in for questioning

regarding your connection to the Brock Thompson fraud case.

Wait, Brock's been arrested?

Uh, there has to be a mistake.

We're the LAPD, little lady. We don't make mistakes.

Well, getting cockblocked by cops is new.

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