Original subtitles

- Rose,

Laura,

Laura,

congratulations.

Against all our expectations and despite all our efforts,

Against all our expectations and despite all our efforts,

you've been given another season of Funny Girls.

you've been given another season of Funny Girls.

We're very excited to give a voice to women on TV.

We're very excited to give a voice to women on TV.

- Well that is nice to hear. - Listen ladies,

you don't need to impress us, it's us.

We just want this show to reach a wider demographic,

We just want this show to reach a wider demographic,

not just women.

not just women.

We already know women love the show.

- Why are you doing air quotes around that?

- Well they have to say they love it, don't they?

- Well they have to say they love it, don't they?

- But we're a little worried about

- But we're a little worried about

this guy.

- A dude piloting a drone while shotgunning a beer

- A dude piloting a drone while shotgunning a beer

and smoking a durry?

- Yeah, you should be worried about that guy,

- Yeah, you should be worried about that guy,

he looks not well.

- Exactly, but what does this guy

think if the show, Funny Girls?

think if the show, Funny Girls?

- I don't know, he's probably one of those guys who's like,

oh Funny Girls, oh that's an ironic name

oh Funny Girls, oh that's an ironic name

'cause they're actually unfunny girls.

- Ah, so you know Kev?

- He's a great guy! - Yeah,

- He's a great guy! - Yeah,

I set him up with my sister.

- We're going to go pig hunting.

- The point is, we need you to convince us

- The point is, we need you to convince us

that you're going to have some stuff in the show

that will appeal to boys like Kev.

that will appeal to boys like Kev.

You know, just,

give the boys a go for once.

give the boys a go for once.

- Just for once! - Just one time!

- For the boys! - What about me?

- For the boys! - What about me?

- What about the boys? - Overdue!

- One more time for the boys.

- Okay, so you're saying in a skit show called Funny Girls,

- Okay, so you're saying in a skit show called Funny Girls,

maybe we should have, halfway through, Kev,

maybe we should have, halfway through, Kev,

or someone like Kev,

come in and just like pop an Ollie

come in and just like pop an Ollie

and then DJ, but he only plays The Summer of '69,

just that song on a constant loop.

just that song on a constant loop.

Is that what you're saying?

- Go on.

- Go on.

- I was joking.

- We could do a hot dog eating competition.

- We could do a hot dog eating competition.

- Laura.

- There's something in that, there's something in that.

- There's something in that, there's something in that.

- What about just a little picture of Dave Grohl

- Good in the Fooeys.

- He was in Nirvana.

- He was in Nirvana.

- Yeah, just in the corner of the screen

throughout the whole show,

throughout the whole show,

just a little picture of Dave Grohl,

oh it's so cute, the smile that he has.

oh it's so cute, the smile that he has.

- Aw, yeah.

- Tractor sluts!

They work on the farm by day

They work on the farm by day

and they [Beep] whoever they want by night.

- Okay I like this,

but I don't want to slut shame tractors.

but I don't want to slut shame tractors.

- Not after last time.

- Okay, what about a sexy kebab with women's legs

- Okay, what about a sexy kebab with women's legs

and she's totting around in little high heels

and she's totting around in little high heels

and you know, she's got falafels as boobs.

And you don't know whether or not you want to

And you don't know whether or not you want to

have sex with her or eat her, it's confusing isn't it?

- It is confusing.

- It is confusing.

I don't know whether I'm hungry or horny.

[men laughing]

[men laughing]

I'm hung-orny! [men laughing]

Hey, all right, all right.

I think that you've got us convinced.

I think that you've got us convinced.

This is going to be the best season of Funny Boys yet.

- Funny Girls.

- Funny Girls.

- Yes you are.

- Good luck with the shoot, girls,

we will see you at the wrap party.

we will see you at the wrap party.

- Can you guys not come to that again?

- Yeah, that's right.

- Yeah, that's right.

What a smart wee cookie.

- Don't.

- Don't.

- Wow.

- Wow.

Season three of Funny Boys.

- Funny Girls!

- Yes you are!

- Yes you are!

[Rose sighs]

[Rose sighs]

- We should have called it Tit Time.

[theme music plays]

[theme music plays]

♪ Funny Girls ♪

♪ Funny Girls ♪

♪ Funny ♪

♪ Funny Girls. ♪

♪ Funny Girls. ♪

- Producer on set.

- Producer on set.

Oh sorry, quite nauseous this morning.

Oh sorry, quite nauseous this morning.

I've been having the weirdest cravings.

I've been having the weirdest cravings.

Citrus,

you know, oranges, mandarins, lemons.

you know, oranges, mandarins, lemons.

Limes, kumquats.

Limes, kumquats.

- Yeah, we know what citrus means.

- Okay, well I am having cravings

- Okay, well I am having cravings

because I am pregnant.

- Oh my god!

- Oh my god!

- Congratulations! - Thank you.

- We're going to have a little baby on set.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

- That is so amazing Pauline, how far along are you?

- Uh, well I had unprotected sex last night.

- Uh, well I had unprotected sex last night.

So, about 12 hours.

- Okay so, you don't know if you're pregnant for sure?

- Okay so, you don't know if you're pregnant for sure?

- Oh no, I know.

I've been told by several doctors that I have a very

I've been told by several doctors that I have a very

fruitful womb.

- You've only got one kid though.

- Uh yeah, and that was the last time that I forgot,

- Uh yeah, and that was the last time that I forgot,

as they say,

to take my hat

to take my hat

to a sex rodeo and put it on before I mounted the horse,

to a sex rodeo and put it on before I mounted the horse,

or they say there is a saying like that.

- Who has said that?

- I've heard someone say that.

- I've heard someone say that.

- Okay well, Pauline,

chances are, you're probably not pregnant.

chances are, you're probably not pregnant.

- If I went around making an announcement

that I was pregnant,

after every time I had sex,

after every time I had sex,

I would've had to make like, three announcements last week.

- Yes! - Ew.

- Yes! - Ew.

- And I would've had to make an announcement

that I'm at the first stage of my five-year-plan

that I'm at the first stage of my five-year-plan

of seducing a barista, who thinks my name is Rise.

- Well I am pregnant,

- Well I am pregnant,

but you don't have to keep it a secret for long,

because I'm just about to email the entire office,

because I'm just about to email the entire office,

with a subject header,

Pauline is pregnant, - Don't.

- definitely, absolutely, - No.

- definitely, absolutely, - No.

fruitful womb,

attention, fruitful womb, - No.

- pregnant, pregnant Pauline, so,

- pregnant, pregnant Pauline, so,

thank you for your cynicism, Rose and Laura.

- Is this still the subject title, are you talking-

- Is this still the subject title, are you talking-

- Oh no, don't eat raw fish, that's bad for the baby.

- She's not pregnant. - I am pregnant,

- She's not pregnant. - I am pregnant,

and I'll eat what I like.

- Well that's my sushi so-

- Well okay, but you brought it to set

so it's our sushi Rose, okay?

so it's our sushi Rose, okay?

Come on, sharing is caring.

Mm

Mm

Mm!

Mm.

- I mean, did winning that case

mean I've successfully fulfilled my five-year-plan?

mean I've successfully fulfilled my five-year-plan?

Yes, it did. was that your question?

- That's so good, that's so good.

- That's so good, that's so good.

I can't believe it!

- Oh my god! - Excuse me.

- Oh my god! - Excuse me.

- I love it.

- Dean, how you doing?

- Dean, how you doing?

- Maya, hey congratulations on the Patterson appeal.

- Thanks. [laughs]

- Thanks. [laughs]

- Now, have you met The Bride of Frankenstein?

- Oh come on Dean,

- Oh come on Dean,

you don't introduce a woman by saying who she's married to.

you don't introduce a woman by saying who she's married to.

Men, right?

- No, that's my name.

Yeah, but you're obviously

Yeah, but you're obviously

so much more than that, it's not like you were

designed in a lab to fulfill the needs of being

designed in a lab to fulfill the needs of being

a monster's wife. [laughs]

a monster's wife. [laughs]

- No, it's exactly that.

But, you can call me The Bride, if you want.

But, you can call me The Bride, if you want.

Or technically, The Bride of Frankenstein's Monster.

[laughs] That's true.

[laughs] That's true.

- No, no, no, no, no,

I don't want to pigeon-hole you by your marital role.

I don't want to pigeon-hole you by your marital role.

- Maya,

you're embarrassing yourself.

you're embarrassing yourself.

- You're right, you're right, um,

I'm so sorry. [chuckles]

I'm so sorry. [chuckles]

- It's fine, it happens all the time.

- Right.

- Right.

- Um, anyways, so,

The Bride of Frankenstein,

The Bride of Frankenstein,

what do you do?

- Well, I was a women's rights lawyer.

- Well, I was a women's rights lawyer.

- That's amazing!

- But now I just do what my husband needs, really.

- I'm sorry, so you gave up work for your husband,

- I'm sorry, so you gave up work for your husband,

and your husband went to work, what?

Could his fragile, little, man-brain,

Could his fragile, little, man-brain,

not handle a woman in the work-place?

- Okay, Maya, Maya, Maya, - No, no, no,

she needs to hear this.

she needs to hear this.

You do not have to look after him like that,

you should be using your d- - Maya!

you should be using your d- - Maya!

The Bride's husband is paraplegic,

that's why she has to look after him.

that's why she has to look after him.

He was burned alive by an angry mob of people.

He was burned alive by an angry mob of people.

[elevator dings]

[elevator dings]

- Hey babe.

- I'll um,

I'll see myself out.

I'll see myself out.

- Sorry. - It's all right.

- Hi, I'm just picking up a package for my boss.

- Hi, I'm just picking up a package for my boss.

- Sure, what's his name?

- It's a her.

- I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to assume that

- I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to assume that

[laughs] I'm just kidding!

[laughs] I'm just kidding!

His name is Darryl.

[Executive Assistant and Rose laugh]

[Executive Assistant and Rose laugh]

Maybe one day!

- [laughs] Here!

- [laughs] Here!

[Executive Assistant and Rose laugh awkwardly]

[Executive Assistant and Rose laugh awkwardly]

- Maybe one day.

[bell rings]

- [gasps] Who are you?

- I am the angel, Gabrielle,

- I am the angel, Gabrielle,

and I carry with me good news.

God has chosen you to carry his only son,

God has chosen you to carry his only son,

Jesus.

Jesus.

What? What do you mean?

- Through holy, immaculate conception.

- Through holy, immaculate conception.

You are now pregnant

with the son of God,

with the son of God,

our Lord,

Jesus Christ.

- Without my consent?

- Well,

yeah,

yeah I-, I gue-, I guess, but,

yeah I-, I gue-, I guess, but,

you know, it's

God.

God.

- It sounds like rape.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't be

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't be

throwing the R word around, you know, that could

that could really stick with him.

that could really stick with him.

- Well to be fair, he shouldn't be going around

getting 14-year-old girls pregnant in their sleep.

getting 14-year-old girls pregnant in their sleep.

- Oh,

yeah look I-

yeah look I-

I see your point,

and I am on your side,

and I am on your side,

but you know, maybe you can just take one for the team here,

you're pregnant already and it-

you're pregnant already and it-

it really does go against policy for me to take it back, so,

it really does go against policy for me to take it back, so,

you would be doing me a solid.

- Okay.

But I'm going to make sure that everyone knows

that this happened without my consent.

- Deal!

No one's going to believe you anyways so,

- [Voiceover] Every mum knows that a healthy kid,

- [Voiceover] Every mum knows that a healthy kid,

is a messy kid.

And an active kid,

And an active kid,

is a dirty kid.

But every busy mum knows,

she can't waste time scrubbing stains.

she can't waste time scrubbing stains.

Introducing our toughest stain remover yet.

Introducing our toughest stain remover yet.

Because a mum with free time,

is a happy mo-

is a happy mo-

who the [Beep] are you? - Brent.

- [Voiceover] What are you doing in this ad?

If you go near those kids, I'll call the cops.

If you go near those kids, I'll call the cops.

- No this is my house, and those are my kids.

- No this is my house, and those are my kids.

- [Voiceover] Oh god, sorry,

well don't worry about the washing,

well don't worry about the washing,

we can come back when your wife is home?

- No, it's fine, I can do the washing.

- No, it's fine, I can do the washing.

- [Voiceover] Um, okay.

- [Voiceover] Um, okay.

- It's not that weird.

- [Voiceover] Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

With special antioxidant stain remover-

With special antioxidant stain remover-

don't mix the colors.

- I know.

- I know.

- [Voiceover] Your whites will be whiter than ever-

cold wash.

cold wash.

- I'm aware.

This is not my first time doing a load of washing.

This is not my first time doing a load of washing.

- [Voiceover] Divorced?

- What?

No, I'm-

No, I'm-

no, I'm a stay-at-home dad.

- [Voiceover] Oh, have you got a mental illness,

- [Voiceover] Oh, have you got a mental illness,

like burn out?

- No, it just makes more sense,

- No, it just makes more sense,

my wife earns more money than I do

and I enjoy spending time with my kids,

and I enjoy spending time with my kids,

why is that

so hard to understand?

- [Voiceover] It's depression, isn't it?

- [Voiceover] It's depression, isn't it?

- It's not depre-

- [Voiceover] Let us do the hard work for you,

so you can enjoy time with the family.

so you can enjoy time with the family.

- Who's that?

- Who's that?

- Uh, it's uh, ad voiceover that's weirdly misogynistic.

- [Voiceover] [laughs] Big surprise, the stay-at-home dad

- [Voiceover] [laughs] Big surprise, the stay-at-home dad

is a feminist.

The all new Fresh Oxi,

for busy mums,

for busy mums,

and dads.

I mean, I would just assume she wouldn't want to miss

her kids growing up

her kids growing up

and he wouldn't want to be emasculated.

- [Beep] off! - [Beep] off!

- [Beep] off! - [Beep] off!

Sorry baby, I meant fudge, fudge off.

Look, look, SpongeBob.

Look, look, SpongeBob.

[theme music plays]

[theme music plays]

♪ Funny Girls. ♪

♪ Funny Girls. ♪

[theme music plays]

♪ Funny Girls. ♪

♪ Funny Girls. ♪

- Okay, shoot, shag, marry,

the main car from Cars,

the main car from Cars,

and hear me out on this next one,

keep an open mind, your dad, okay?

keep an open mind, your dad, okay?

- Rose,

I actually want to talk to you about something serious.

I actually want to talk to you about something serious.

- Syria?

Because no one is talking about anymore, it's on the news,

Because no one is talking about anymore, it's on the news,

everyone's like- - No.

I want to be your abortion friend.

I want to be your abortion friend.

- You want to perform my abortion?

- You want to perform my abortion?

- No, I want to take you to your abortion,

wait with you, while you have your pregnancy terminated.

wait with you, while you have your pregnancy terminated.

- Right.

That is so sweet Laura, that's

That is so sweet Laura, that's

like the next level of our friendship.

- Yeah I know, it goes, friends,

- Yeah I know, it goes, friends,

best friends, abortion friends.

- Wow.

- Wow.

God, I'm kinda gutted I'm not actually pregnant now,

so we couldn't like, reach that level.

so we couldn't like, reach that level.

- Yeah well,

if you even need someone

to take you, I would love to be that person.

to take you, I would love to be that person.

to take you, I would love to be that person.

- Sorry, why are you assuming that I would get rid of it?

- Sorry, why are you assuming that I would get rid of it?

Like,

I could want a baby.

I mean,

it's you.

It's Rose.

- Yeah. - You've got that,

energy about you - That's unfair.

energy about you - That's unfair.

And you know what?

I could be a mum, I would be a great mum.

I could be a mum, I would be a great mum.

- Okay.

What would you name your kid?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Something traditional, like, Aloiscious.

Something traditional, like, Aloiscious.

Gender neutral.

It's a family name.

- Uh, we need Laura on set now.

- Uh, we need Laura on set now.

- Yeah. - You know what,

I'm actually going to have a baby just to spite you.

I'm actually going to have a baby just to spite you.

Um, and Rose, just one quick thing,

- Yeah?

- If you ever need someone to

- If you ever need someone to

you know, take you to an abortion,

I'm happy to

- Why are you involved now?

Have you been talking to Laura?

Have you been talking to Laura?

- No, no, no, I just,

you know, you got that,

you know, like, you might get an abortion or something,

you know, like, you might get an abortion or something,

I just want to

be there. - Smell, what?

be there. - Smell, what?

- I've already got dibs on that, so.

- Oh okay, no, fair enough, I don't want to-

- Oh okay, no, fair enough, I don't want to-

- Ready to go at any time Rose.

- Yeah, great. - Me too.

- Yeah, great. - Me too.

Ready to go, anytime, with you Rose.

- And finally, a great big bowl of porridge

- And finally, a great big bowl of porridge

for my great big Papa Bear

- Ow!

- Ow!

Too hot! - Well of course it's hot,

it's straight from the pot!

- Right,

- Right,

let's all go out for a nice walk while this cools.

let's all go out for a nice walk while this cools.

- I think you should eat your porridge now,

baby bear is very hungry.

- Mine's just right Papa.

- Mine's just right Papa.

- Well mine isn't!

- Okay Dan, you're being unreasonable.

- Okay Dan, you're being unreasonable.

- I'm not going to eat scolding hot porridge!

- I'm not going to eat scolding hot porridge!

- Fine, you can eat mine then, you big wuss.

- No, yours is always too cold!

- No, yours is always too cold!

- And whose fault is that? [Papa Bear groans]

Do you think I enjoy eating cold porridge every morning?

Do you think I enjoy eating cold porridge every morning?

I'm too busy cooking for you and Baby Bear

I'm too busy cooking for you and Baby Bear

to eat my own goddamn porridge!

- Do you want mine momma, mine is just right.

[Momma Bear crying]

[Momma Bear crying]

- I'm sorry Helen.

- I'm sorry Helen.

I'm sorry I snapped.

Work's been tough lately, but there's no excuse,

I shouldn't take it out on you.

I shouldn't take it out on you.

God, you know, sometimes I don't like the bear

that I'm becoming.

that I'm becoming.

I don't want to be like my father!

I don't want to be like my father!

I'm too hard.

You know,

maybe we should look at not sleeping in separate beds.

maybe we should look at not sleeping in separate beds.

I miss you at night.

- Look, I don't think I'm ready for that.

- Look, I don't think I'm ready for that.

Especially not since,

- I told you, she meant nothing to me.

- I told you, she meant nothing to me.

I was a different bear back then!

- Look I don't want to talk about this in front of the,

- Look I don't want to talk about this in front of the,

B-A-B-Y-B-E-A-R.

Dan?

Dan?

Who the

[Beep] is that girl?

- What girl?

- What girl?

- The blonde b-tch who is sleeping in Baby Bear's bed!

Tell me.

Tell me.

Just tell me.

Just tell me.

- I'll get a motel.

[Momma Bear sobs]

[Momma Bear sobs]

You've torn this family apart!

You've torn this family apart!

[Momma Bear sobs]

[Momma Bear sobs]

- This is my jam! [laughs]

- This is my jam! [laughs]

You wanna?

Listen. [laughs]

Listen. [laughs]

- [Voiceover] You are strong, confident, beautiful woman.

- [Voiceover] You are strong, confident, beautiful woman.

You are brave, you are resilient.

You are brave, you are resilient.

- Sing it sister!

- Sing it sister!

Preach it!

Are you feeling it?

Oh. [laughs]

Take it. [laughs]

Take it. [laughs]

You take it, I got it in me, here we go.

Yes!

Feeling good today, yeah!

Feeling good today, yeah!

Woo!

[laughs] Feeling positive!

- Looking pretty good, okay?

- Looking pretty good, okay?

We're just going to rearrange a couple of you, okay, okay.

We're just going to rearrange a couple of you, okay, okay.

Hey, blondie, can I get you just to come to the end here?

That's great.

Looking good, uh pigtails?

Looking good, uh pigtails?

Yeah, if I can I just get you to come to the front here,

that'd be lovely.

Okay, cool, and I think we'll get uh,

Okay, cool, and I think we'll get uh,

buckteeth there and we'll get four-eyes

just to swap around, okay?

just to swap around, okay?

Hurry along, oh, easy on.

Easy on, don't bring your guide dog in today, okay.

Easy on, don't bring your guide dog in today, okay.

Hey, flat ass,

could I just get you to go back to where you were before?

could I just get you to go back to where you were before?

Yeah.

Ah, I think uneven breast and pizza face,

Ah, I think uneven breast and pizza face,

you'll be great in the middle there.

you'll be great in the middle there.

Ah, just like-a momma use to make them, eh?

Okay, okay, could we get,

masturbates while thinking of the hot student teacher,

masturbates while thinking of the hot student teacher,

just to swap around?

just to swap around?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Sorry girls, that's on me,

I just mean you sweetheart.

I just mean you sweetheart.

Quickly now.

All right fish fingers, just in there.

Right there, okay.

Right there, okay.

Looking pretty good guys!

Looking pretty good, feeling good?

Looking pretty good, feeling good?

Oh sorry, um, Ashley,

just come to the front here.

just come to the front here.

- Wait, how did you know my name was Ashley?

- I don't know, you just seem basic as sh-t, I guess, okay?

- I don't know, you just seem basic as sh-t, I guess, okay?

So just.

Lovely, there we go, now isn't that better?

Lovely, there we go, now isn't that better?

All right, one, two, three, big smile!

All right, one, two, three, big smile!

[camera clicks]

[camera clicks]

- Okay, let's be clear,

you impregnated her

before her permission?

before her permission?

- Well yes, I mean,

but I am God, you know, I just assumed

but I am God, you know, I just assumed

she'd be up for it.

- We don't have a case here. - No, no.

- We don't have a case here. - No, no.

- I'm sorry, I don't understand what the big deal is.

You know in my day, we-

You know in my day, we-

- Bu-bu-bu- okay, enough of that.

Here's the situation, okay?

Here's the situation, okay?

More women are coming forward. - Who?

Who has a problem with God?

- Well Eve, yeah, ring a bell?

- Well Eve, yeah, ring a bell?

She's come forward, saying that you forced her

to be in a garden, naked,

to be in a garden, naked,

with some man she hardly even knew!

- Oh she knew him!

She was one of his ribs!

She was one of his ribs!

- Okay well you don't have a good track record, yeah?

The Bible is a nightmare!

The Bible is a nightmare!

Okay, so much stuff in here about women

submitting to their husbands

and being silent and just a lot of,

and being silent and just a lot of,

stonings!

People like stonings!

People like stonings!

They're fun!

Brings people together!

Okay.

All right.

All right.

You know, technically,

I didn't even write that book.

- Oh for God's sake, God, it's in your name.

- Oh for God's sake, God, it's in your name.

[God groaning]

[God groaning]

- We'll just do what we always do, yeah?

Release a statement to the press,

explaining that you feel bad,

explaining that you feel bad,

that it was just a misunderstanding,

no hard feelings.

no hard feelings.

- What if I bring back a mammoth or something?

- What if I bring back a mammoth or something?

Well then everyone gets excited about,

oh look here, we got a dinosaur back!

oh look here, we got a dinosaur back!

And they forget.

What about

instead of that

I kill

I kill

everyone

and just send out another

40-day flood, you know?

40-day flood, you know?

Wipe the slate clean.

- I don't think it's going to be a good look

to cause a devastating natural disaster,

to cause a devastating natural disaster,

days after just raped a teenage girl.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Now, let's not throw that word around!

- I mean it was though.

- Oh absolutely, no question,

- 100 percent. - Yeah.

- 100 percent. - Yeah.

- Am I,

going to go to jail?

- Goodness no. - Highly unlikely.

- Goodness no. - Highly unlikely.

- Community service, tops.

[man knocks on door]

- Hello, can I help you?

- Mrs. Pleasants?

- Mrs. Pleasants?

- That's me.

[man blows on pitch pipe]

[man blows on pitch pipe]

- ♪ Your husband Charlie went off to war ♪

- ♪ Your husband Charlie went off to war ♪

♪ So you kissed him goodbye at the door ♪

♪ Door ♪ ♪ Door ♪

♪ Door ♪ ♪ Door ♪

♪ He went off to fight for an excellent cause ♪

♪ He went off to fight for an excellent cause ♪

♪ While you stayed at home with your marriage on pause ♪

♪ While you stayed at home with your marriage on pause ♪

♪ And we are sorry to bring you some sad, sad news ♪

♪ Which could leave you feeling quite, ♪

♪ Which could leave you feeling quite, ♪

♪ Blue, blue, blue ♪

♪ Blue, blue, blue ♪

♪ He was shot down in the blood desert sands ♪

♪ He was shot down in the blood desert sands ♪

♪ Lost in a far off, mysterious land. ♪

♪ Lost in a far off, mysterious land. ♪

♪ But don't you worry, don't you fret ♪

♪ But don't you worry, don't you fret ♪

♪ You probably thought that you ♪

♪ You probably thought that you ♪

♪ Lost him, we bet ♪

♪ Lost him, we bet ♪

♪ He was saved with only one broken arm ♪

♪ And no other real significant harm ♪

♪ And no other real significant harm ♪

♪ And no other real significant harm ♪

♪ Harm ♪

♪ Harm ♪

- Oh thank god!

- ♪ Charlie is brave ♪

- ♪ Charlie is brave ♪

♪ Charlie is strong ♪

♪ And it's for him that we sing this here song ♪

♪ And it's for him that we sing this here song ♪

♪ He was ♪

♪ He was ♪

♪ shot in the leg, near Germany ♪

♪ shot in the leg, near Germany ♪

- Eh?

♪ But luckily it missed a main artery ♪

♪ But luckily it missed a main artery ♪

- This is stressing me out.

- ♪ Dum-bum-bum he didn't bleed out, he didn't die ♪

- ♪ Dum-bum-bum he didn't bleed out, he didn't die ♪

♪ He didn't die ♪

♪ He didn't die ♪

♪ He lived to tell the tale ♪

♪ So happy sigh ♪

♪ So happy sigh ♪

♪ Next, he was captured by Nazis ♪

♪ Next, he was captured by Nazis ♪

- What?

- ♪ But he fought his way out, and soon he was free ♪

- ♪ But he fought his way out, and soon he was free ♪

- Oh Jesus.

- Oh Jesus.

- ♪ On the way back to camp, Charlie tripped on a tree ♪

♪ He fell on the ground and he ♪

♪ He fell on the ground and he ♪

♪ Busted his knee ♪

♪ The worst thing is that Charlie hit his head ♪

♪ The worst thing is that Charlie hit his head ♪

♪ The worst thing is that Charlie hit his head ♪

♪ And we're sorry to tell you that ♪

♪ Now he is ♪

♪ Now he is ♪

♪ Dead ♪

♪ Now your husband is ♪

♪ Now your husband is ♪

♪ Dead ♪

- What?

- Have a good day ma'am.

- Wha?

- Wha?

What are you? [sobs]

What are you? [sobs]

- You are a week late on the deadline.

- You are a week late on the deadline.

And frankly, that's not good enough.

- People!

Listen!

Listen!

I come from the future with grave news!

On June, the 20th, 20-

On June, the 20th, 20-

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- I'm not up to there!

- I'm not up to there!

- Come on, man!

Spoilers!

You're going to ruin it for us!

[man groans]

[man groans]

- What?

- What?

- Tonight, on The Panel.

Have we found a cure to the Plague?

Have we found a cure to the Plague?

Bets have been placed,

as we prepare for the fight of the century.

as we prepare for the fight of the century.

And we talk about the future of God,

he may have been acquitted in the court of law,

he may have been acquitted in the court of law,

but in the court of public opinion,

but in the court of public opinion,

the jury is still out.

Panel, your thoughts?

- Thanks for having me.

- Thanks for having me.

I just want to start by saying that as a god,

I was appalled by his actions.

I was appalled by his actions.

And it's not all gods,

some of are good guys.

some of are good guys.

- Didn't you trick a woman into getting her pregnant

by transforming into a swan?

- That was a unique situation.

- That was a unique situation.

- You also did it as a bull.

- You're taking that out of context.

- You're taking that out of context.

- There was also something about, golden rain?

- I am not the one on trial here.

- I am not the one on trial here.

- Can I just say that I, personally, am sickened

- Can I just say that I, personally, am sickened

by these allegations.

You know, it just goes to show,

sometimes the bad guys are right under your nose.

sometimes the bad guys are right under your nose.

- Go to Hell!

- You know, well actually, I am from Hell.

I live there, so nice insult mate, good one, yeah.

I live there, so nice insult mate, good one, yeah.

- Look, as the only woman on this panel,

- Look, as the only woman on this panel,

I'd like to- - Sorry, that's actually

all the time we have.

Join us after the break,

Join us after the break,

where we discuss,

should God keep his job?

- I'm just looking forward to

- I'm just looking forward to

putting this whole thing behind me,

and getting started on Jesus two, hm?

and getting started on Jesus two, hm?

- Oh, sorry, no.

- What are you doing?

- What are you doing?

- Practicing my mum look.

- Girls, look who I have here.

- Girls, look who I have here.

- This is Charlie!

- Jesus, that was quick!

I thought you only had sex last night?

I thought you only had sex last night?

- Oh, it's not mine.

Oh, not pregnant, actually.

Turns out I still had my Moon Cup up there.

Turns out I still had my Moon Cup up there.

But all sorted now,

took it out, washed it, replaced it, back in business.

took it out, washed it, replaced it, back in business.

- Do you mean a diaphragm or Moon Cup?

- Oh, potato, potahto.

- Oh, potato, potahto.

Sorry Rose, do you want me to Charlie out?

I know you don't like kids.

- Okay, when did you hear-

- Okay, when did you hear-

I never said that.

- Just got a vibe.

- No wait, this is perfect.

- No wait, this is perfect.

Rose, you should hold Charlie for a bit,

and then we'll see if maybe you get more of a mum vibe.

and then we'll see if maybe you get more of a mum vibe.

- You guys are just haters.

I'm going to look perfectly comfortable with,

I'm going to look perfectly comfortable with,

whatever this baby's name is. [laughs]

whatever this baby's name is. [laughs]

- Are you constipated?

- Are you constipated?

- No I'm not constipated.

- She's been working really hard.

- Why don't we just take a photo,

- Why don't we just take a photo,

and we'll see, how good of a mum I look like.

and we'll see, how good of a mum I look like.

- Oh, it doesn't feel right.

[camera snaps] - Okay.

Let's have a look, let's have a look.

Let's have a look, let's have a look.

Oh my god, I look like a monster.

- It's like an ogre stole a baby.

- It's like an ogre stole a baby.

- You stay away from her okay, you stay away.

- You stay away from her okay, you stay away.

[Crewmate yells]

- Oh sh-t, I better take the baby back,

I didn't tell camera guy I took it, come on.

I didn't tell camera guy I took it, come on.

- If Pauline can be a mum, I can be a mum.

- If Pauline can be a mum, I can be a mum.

- I'll tell you what, you can definitely be a sh-t mum.

- I'll tell you what, you can definitely be a sh-t mum.

- Do you mean that? - Not a doubt in my mind.

- Do you mean that? - Not a doubt in my mind.

- Thanks.

- [Voiceover] Thank to your funding, New Zealand On Air,

we didn't have to resort to stealing.

we didn't have to resort to stealing.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0