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All language subtitles for Funny Girls s02e05.eng

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Original subtitles

- [Narrator] Here's what you missed last week

on "Funny Girls".

The men convinced Pauline to break up with Gary,

and to sell out to corporate sponsorship.

But when they tried to introduce

a new funny girl to the show,

Rose and Laura, threw their toys.

And that's what you missed.

[cymbals banging]

- And then we cut to Cynthia,

who says, "Monsieur, you can have my body,

but you cannot have my heart."

And then, she lets go of the rope

and she falls into the river Seine.

End of scene.

- [beep] that's good.

- Fade to black.

From the mind of Rose Matafeo.

- Rose, that is awesome.

It's funny, but it's just beautiful as well.

- Like me.

- Hey, you guys coming to this after works drinks thing?

- Yeah, but we're just on a bit of a roll with the script,

so we're gonna meet you afterwards.

- Okay, but can you not take too long?

The men have asked us each to do a presentation

on our favorite Beyonce song and why.

- Ah! Don't worry, we'll be there soon.

- See ya! - Bye!

- Can you just take us back to page two?

And then, we can just run through what

we've got from there.

- Sorry, read you what?

- My script, you were just writing down.

- I wasn't writing anything.

- What were you doing on your computer this whole time?

- I was private messaging everyone

who said something bad about me online

and trying to win them over with kindness and gifts.

- I can't believe you didn't write down any of that.

Why did you think I was telling you any of it?

- I thought you wanted my opinion.

- Why would I want your opinion,

when I already know it's a great script?

What a waste of time.

I'm not gonna remember any of it now.

- I'm sorry.

- Well, say sorry to the Teen Choice Awards

that we won't be going to anymore.

[door slamming]

- [Laura] I'm going Rose.

- Well, I'm going as well.

Well done, everyone.

That's right, no one's here.

I guess player of the day goes to Laura Daniel.

[door lock rattling]

[Laura knocking]

- Hello? [Laura knocking]

Somebody out there?

It's locked.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Funny Girls ♪

- Devin, you're so amazing.

I feel like I can tell you anything.

You know what I mean? I'm so comfortable around you.

It's amazing.

Oh, you know what you remind me of?

My best friend, Melissa.

Oh, wait you should come,

on Thursday nights, we have this girls night kind of thing.

But you could totally come.

'Cause it's still at mine, doesn't matter.

We don't do pillow fights, but we could.

If you know what I mean?

- Commander, we have a problem.

We have a man that is about to enter to the friend zone.

- Jesus Christ! Are you sure?

- Yes sir!

They are on a date,

but she is confided in him about her fears and dreams.

- Sir, I don't understand.

What is the friend zone?

- Did you learn nothing at basic training, intern?

- Commander! It's when you wanna [Beep] someone,

but they don't see you in that way.

- You're like a big brother that I never had.

I feel so safe with you, you know?

I can talk about anything.

- Sweet baby Jesus in a manger.

- Commander! [dramatic music playing]

- Sir!

We had the situation under control, sir.

If we just have some more time, we could.

- Have you ever been in a friend zone, Commander?

- Simulations, yes.

- Well, I have.

And let me just tell you this now, son.

It's like bloody hell on earth.

30 years ago, on a vacation in Florida,

she told me I was cute and funny.

And then she started telling me

about a guy she wanted to sleep with.

[dramatic music playing]

She told me I was more like a brother to her.

- Sounds really sweet.

- You are out of line, intern!

- Son, there is a reason

why I do not keep a mirror in my quarters.

It's because I can't bear to look at myself.

- What?

- You know what to do.

- Eagle two, you are to engage and eliminate.

- Sorry, what?

- [Woman] I don't know. Is that a mole?

Should I get it checked?

Because I've got another one on my back.

- Wait, wait a second. What's going on here?

- May God have mercy upon their souls.

[nuke launching] [dramatic music playing]

- And I was like, "[Beep] I've got it ingrown hair."

- [Man] Yeah!

[nuke explodes] [dramatic music playing]

♪ Amazing grace ♪

♪ How sweet the sound ♪

- What the [Beep]?

[upbeat music playing]

[piano playing]

♪ I lie alone, it's 11 o'clock ♪

♪ Look at my phone and my heart stops ♪

♪ Vibration notification ♪

♪ It's a text from Nathan ♪

♪ It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen ♪

♪ Written in prose ♪

♪ And this is how it goes oh ♪

♪ U-P-T-O question mark ♪

♪ This SMS is a work of art ♪

♪ How long did you spend writing drafts ♪

♪ To come up with Up To ♪

♪ I ain't heard from you in weeks ♪

♪ But this makes up for it instantly ♪

♪ You're a poet and you know it ♪

♪ Got a body gonna show it to you ♪

♪ As a reward for that text ♪

♪ Up To ♪

♪ Just two little words ♪

♪ You know a woman's worth ♪

♪ Maybe you deserve a Pulitzer Prize ♪

♪ Up To ♪

♪ I feel like Juliet ♪

♪ If she had iMessage ♪

♪ And Romeo was kinda drunk and bored ♪

♪ How'd you come up with Up To ♪

♪ So I gotta reply ♪

♪ Look at the app and he's starting to type ♪

♪ Then he stops typing ♪

♪ Now he's typing again ♪

♪ I feel like a lonely wife ♪

♪ Waiting in World War 2 ♪

♪ But instead of a love letter ♪

♪ I got a text saying Up To ♪

♪ Oh chivalry ain't dead ♪

♪ 'Cause of what you said ♪

♪ I will leave my bed and drive to your house ♪

♪ You know what words can do ♪

♪ Like Maya Angelou ♪

♪ If Maya Angelou loved weed and Xbox ♪

[instrumental music playing]

♪ Some people think Shakespeare died ♪

♪ But I know that he's alive ♪

♪ He was cryogenically frozen in ice ♪

♪ And you thawed him out to compose this text ♪

♪ Oh makes me feel terrific ♪

♪ To get a text so personally specific ♪

♪ You deserve full intercourse ♪

- Oh. - Hey.

- Is Nathan here?

- Yeah, yeah.

But he's greened out on the couch playing Call of Duty, so.

- Oh! Okay.

Maybe you could just not tell him I was here.

- Yeah, yeah.

Laura, before you go,

I know this isn't cool 'cause Nathan's my flatmate

and everything, but I just,

I don't think he treats you that well.

You're so smart and funny and intelligent,

and I can just talk to you for hours and be myself.

If this doesn't work out between you guys,

I'd love to take you out some time.

- Hmm? Oh, sorry. I wasn't listening to any of that.

Derek, the hot chef from work, just texted me, "Sup".

[instrumental music playing]

♪ Sup just one little word ♪

♪ You know a woman's worth ♪

♪ The greatest love on earth ♪

♪ I'm down to DTF ♪

♪ I'm down to [Beep] you ♪

♪ One word is all it takes ♪

♪ DTF I'm down to [Beep] ♪

[upbeat music playing]

[group chatting]

[phone ringing]

- Ah! If you break the phone pile,

then you have to pick up the whole tab.

[group laughing]

- Maybe we could try Pauline.

- No. Don't ring Pauline.

I think she's really mad at us

since we asked her to break up with her boyfriend.

Mate, no.

Anyway, she's really hard to contact.

She keeps changing her phone numbers.

- Why does she do that?

- Well, I think, she watched The Wire last summer.

She's really obsessed with burner phones now.

- Well, I don't wanna stay here all night.

This place creeps me out.

Did you know, a guy died in the women's showers,

and that's why sometimes you think you can see a face

watching you through the crack in the wall?

- What? Who told you that?

- One of the guys in the crew.

- Okay. One, do not take a shower there again.

And B, get out of my way. Get out.

[Rose screaming] [chair thuds]

Why did the lights?

That has nothing. . .

Shut up!

- Didn't say anything.

[upbeat music playing] ♪ Funny Girls ♪

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Funny Girls ♪

[classical music playing]

- This is the worst.

I could be at home right now.

- What would you be doing if you were at home?

- Well, exactly the same, but by choice, and alone.

- Oh [Beep]. Of course, Julian.

- Julian? Are you still going out with that child?

[phone ringing]

- [Julian] You're on the J train.

- Julian, it's Laura.

I need you to come and let me out of the studio,

I'm locked in.

- [Julian] Oh babe, I'm in a really important meeting.

- What? You're not.

You're at that [Beeping] trampoline

park again, aren't you?

I can hear you bouncing up and down.

- No, I'm not. I got socks on, you can't hear anything.

Oh, damn it.

- Listen, you need to come let me out right now

or we're over. Do you understand?

- I think it's for the best.

You know, you're sort of immature

and I'm getting a lot of grief

from my parents and teachers.

Dodge ball game's about to start. Later, babe.

- No, no, wait. Julian, don't hang up.

- Give me! Bring it! Bring it! Bring it!

[ball thuds]

- Wow! Your 13-year old boyfriend

didn't come through for ya.

Surprising, isn't it?

- Oh! Well, how about we see which of the three contacts

we should call on your phone?

Hold on. Is it Brian landlord?

Speedy Thai Delivery? Or Jesus, Uber driver with kind eyes?

- "Hi! My name's Laura and I'm blonde now,

even though it doesn't suit my color."

- Actually, I had a color palette test done,

specifically to my skin tone.

- It didn't work [Beep]. [laughing awkwardly]

You still look weird.

- Rose, that wig costs a fortune. Give it back.

- I'm sure you could buy more

with your tween model money, couldn't you?

"Hi, I'm Laura, look at me, look at me."

- You can be such a [Beep] sometimes.

- Laura. Laura, it was a joke.

Laura. Come on.

[upbeat music playing]

[birds shrieking]

- Be careful in the woods, my lady.

- Come, Finacle. [suspenseful music playing]

[birds chirping]

[advancing suspenseful music playing]

[Laurel knocking] [rooster crows]

[door thuds]

- Welcome to the keep of Lord Dabel, the Brave.

- Greetings! My name is Laurel Falconborn,

and this here is my companion, Finacle of the tree folk.

We have traveled very far to deliver this grave news

from the Morlins.

Please grant me entry,

so I may deliver this to the master of the house.

- Password?

- If the dappled moonlight shines down on thee,

your journey ahead safe it shall be.

- Incorrect. - Excuse me?

- Well, that's incorrect. You'll have to try again.

- Oh! They must have changed it recently.

How about blondebimbo25?

- How old are you, 14?

You've got five attempts, otherwise we'll lock you out.

- No, I should've written it down somewhere.

Is it tomhanksfan84?

- Interesting choice, but no.

- Is it kyle69?

- Ooh! Who's Kyle?

- It's no one. It's just a password.

Is it sarah69? - No.

- Is it finacle69? - Yeah, Finacle!

- Come on! Well, can I just reset the password then?

- To reset the password,

we'll have to send you a verification security code.

- Oh god! Okay, fine!

5-6-V-O-7-8-M-P.

- Great! Now, we've got a security question to ask you.

- Okay, fine.

- Where did you lose your virginity?

- [laughing awkwardly] What kind of question is that?

And besides, it's not relevant.

I'm a virgin, yet to be wed.

Stable! A stable! [door thuds]

- Incorrect.

- A Cave? - No.

- The Denny's parking lot. - Correct.

Now, what would you like to change your password to?

- Well, how about something simple? Like password?

- Too weak.

- funnyminions55? - Basic.

- Oh, how about just my name, laurel1?

- Creative. [door thuds]

Okay, your password's been reset.

- Great.

- Please enter your password.

- Laurel1.

[door thuds] [spirited music playing]

Oh, thank goodness!

[dramatic music playing] [birds chirping]

[door squeaking]

Oh, sorry! [door squeaking]

[Laurel knocking]

[door thuds] - Password?

[upbeat music playing]

[indistinct speaking on radio]

- Oh god, checkpoint.

[indistinct speaking on radio]

- Don't worry, honey. We're totally fine.

- Good evening, folks. Just a routine privilege check.

You had a good night?

- Yes, we'd just been out to dinner with some friends.

- I'm just gonna get you to count to 10

in the language of your choice.

- [counting in foreign language]

[dramatic music playing] [device beeps]

- I detect a private school education there?

- It was my parents' choice. They paid for it.

I wanted to go to public school.

- Ma'am, you have failed your privilege check this evening.

I need you to get out of the car,

then come with me to the station.

[dramatic music playing]

- This is outrageous.

- [speaking in foreign language]

- Very good, Poppy. Now, out of the car. Come on.

Out of the car, Poppy.

- You're only arresting me because I'm white.

- Is mama gonna be okay?

- She's gonna be just fine, sweetheart.

- You people will always be fine.

- And don't you forget to take Poppy to Dotty's hot yoga.

Okay? - For [Beep] sake.

- Mommy loves you. - Love you!

- Did she say mommy or money?

- It's mommy. - Mommy.

[upbeat music playing] ♪ Funny Girls ♪

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Funny Girls ♪

[upbeat orchestral music playing]

- It's just a joke, Laura. God, chill out.

You've become so serious since you took my job.

Oh wait, sorry, since you took the job that I turned down.

- [Laura] You said you were cool with it.

- Well, I didn't say I was cool with you

becoming a complete nutcase.

- Are you kidding?

You're the one that's pretending to become a total artist

ever since you left London.

- And what of it? - Oh, please!

I know you weren't doing any real acting,

when you were there.

My cousin said he saw you working as an usher.

During a matinée of Les Mis,

you were just scraping gum off the seats

and putting it straight into your pockets.

So don't act all high and mighty around me.

You're supposed to be my friend,

but ever since you came back,

you've just been really mean to me.

- Well, I'm sorry. Okay?

Maybe, I'm just jealous.

You seem so happy all the time and you have a nice life,

and a nice boyfriend, and a nice car.

And I have nothing, except for a nice car as well.

- Well, I look up to you,

and it hurts me when you make fun of me.

- I don't mean to make fun of you.

I think you're a talented performer

and I respect you a lot.

- Well, that's all I ever wanted you to say to me.

I think you're amazing.

- We are saying very nice things with angry intonation!

- Well, it's just easier to say them this way.

- I don't like hugging,

but maybe we should hug right now.

- I would really love that.

- [Pauline] Well, this is nice.

- Pauline? What are you doing here?

- Well, a nice young man at the trampoline park

told me you girls were stuck in here.

- Aren't you the producer lady?

- Yeah.

- Oh! I think they need you back at the studio.

- Five more minutes.

- Yeah.

[Julian groans]

Laters. - See ya.

And even though I'm still pretty mad

at you guys meddling in my personal life,

damned if I'm gonna leave my girls in here to die.

- Pauline, I'm so sorry

we told you to break up with Gary.

- It doesn't matter.

It was probably gonna happen anyway.

I mean, it wasn't exactly feminist of me

to put my career aside for,

you know, true love and that.

- What feminist? What are you talking about?

- Well, you know, putting my, well.

- Did those men tell you that?

- Yeah! Those cock sucking men!

Why can't I have both?

I can do it all. I can do both.

What are those men even doing here?

- I don't know. - You hired them.

- Okay, I'm gonna go and find Gary.

[metal clanking] [Pauline groans]

I might just text him.

[upbeat music playing]

- Hello, everyone!

Okay. Listening up, everybody.

It is time for baby sweepstakes.

[all groaning]

As we all know, Jenny from accounts is due any day now.

So, as head and only member of the social committee.

- [Man] Nobody asked you to do this.

- Okay. I thought that it would be a great idea for us all

to guess the sex and weight of the baby.

Winner gets a $50 bar tab.

Okay. I'll get the ball rolling.

I'm gonna guess girl, 7.2 pounds.

Okay. Who else wants to play?

How about you, Frances?

- Fine. Girl, nine pounds, four ounces.

- Perfect. Now that wasn't too hard, was it?

Oh! Do I detect a bit of a smile on that dial?

No. Definitely not. Okay then. [laughing]

Who else wants to play? Sarah?

- Seven pounds, two ounces.

I'm gonna say born a male, but identifies as a female.

- Okay. So, I would put that on the female side.

I'll just put it there. Okay.

I think we're over complicating it

a little bit there.

- I don't think there's anything complicated

about that, Pam.

- Okay. Does anybody else

want to guess the gender and the weight?

- Eight pounds, two ounces, gender, neutral.

- Oh, there's actually not a spot for that

on the board here, Craig.

- I guess it's your problem

for having a limited perspective of gender?

- Okay, I'll just put that in the middle there, shall I?

The middle.

Anybody else?

- Oh, female.

Kind of gay, like a four on the Kinsey Scale.

- Oh, a Samantha with a hint of Miranda.

- Oh, a selfish lover, nine pounds, six ounces.

- I think we're just getting a bit too specific.

- Fussy-eater, nine pounds, nine ounces.

- I don't think that [Beep]

is never gonna stick with anything.

Eight pounds on the dot.

- 10-pound, but it's all muscle.

- Feels that we're all body shaming the baby.

Oh, well, my guess is girl,

and she is emotionally manipulative

due to deep-seeded mother issues.

- Okay. Well, thank you all very much.

That was all very helpful and informative.

Oh, Jenny just text.

She's had the baby and it is, drum roll please.

[hands thumping]

Patter, patter, patter, and a ding.

It's a boy! [laughing]

[all groaning] [indistinct chattering]

No. What's that about?

It was fun. That was a lot of fun.

[upbeat music playing]

- [Worker] Bro, check it out!

- [Worker] Oh, check it out!

- Sup G? My bro.

Ah, what's going on? Nice concrete, bro.

I love concrete. Love it.

Respect what you do.

Yeah! Just joshing, just joshing.

Get in there. Group fist bump, bro.

Get in, get in, man. Get in quick, man.

Broskie on the count of three.

One, two, three, broskie!

Nah, best get on, best get on.

Gonna go take a [Beep].

Laters, G.

[upbeat music playing]

[drum rolling] [orchestral music playing]

- Okay. [Beep] marry, kill.

Me, Brynley.

- Stop putting yourself in these.

- Answer it, or you're fired!

[door lock rattling]

- [Rose] Oh, thank God.

- Oh! Ladies, thank God we're here.

We got your messages and we came

just as soon as we've finished our kebabs.

There's no need to thank us. - You [Beep] cocksucker!

- Bro. Hey! [group shouting]

- [Pauline] Lying, [Beeping] cocksucker!

You have ruined my show!

You have ruined my life!

- Sorry we missed your calls, guys. We were looking up.

- Is it feminist to stop this?

- Kind of a gay here,

we should just let nature take it's course.

- Okay, can I just say

you have no idea what you're talking about, okay?

You've used feminism this entire season

to just get what you want.

You just ruined the entire concept for us really.

- If I can mansplain one thing.

- Try it! Try it!

[footsteps thumping]

- Pauline! Pauline! Time out, time out.

[Pauline gasping]

- I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.

- It's all right Pauline,

I know you weren't really mad at me.

You were just mad at the patriarchy.

- Pauline, I got your message

about the deadly computer virus.

You know, there's no such thing

as a deadly computer virus, right?

- I lied, Gary. The only virus is up here.

And that virus made me do a really stupid thing,

but I'm healed now.

I've downloaded an antivirus into my hard drive

and it's cleaned up all my ram.

- That's really bad.

- Wow, that's beautiful.

- Gary, would you make me the happiest woman in the world?

- What the [Beep]?

- Pauline, what are you doing?

[ambient music playing]

- And be my second husband?

- I will.

[awkward kissing sounds] [joyful music playing]

[electricity buzzing]

[gentle music playing]

- [Narrator] I love you, New Zealand On Air,

even if you do not see me in that same way.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0