Original subtitles

- Here's what you missed last week on Funny Girls:

Planet Becky accused the girls of being racist.

Kim and Zara boycotted the show.

Kim and Zara boycotted the show.

Pauline cracked on to IT guy, Gary.

Pauline cracked on to IT guy, Gary.

And Rose and Laura got tune hounded.

- Is that good or bad?

- And that's what you missed.

- And that's what you missed.

[Opera music]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

- Alright team, I'd like to make an announcement,

and don't worry.

and don't worry.

No, I'm not pregnant. Although I could be,

if you know what I mean.

[laughs awkwardly]

[laughs awkwardly]

[sighs]

[sighs]

I've been having quite a bit of sex, recently.

- We get it, Pauline.

- We get it, Pauline.

That's not appropriate to talk about at work.

- But, are you not using protection?

- But, are you not using protection?

- Hey!

Don't tell her what to do with her body.

[Everybody]- Shut up!

[Everybody]- Shut up!

- Personally, I'm very sex positive and Pauline,

I would love to hear about you're exploits.

I would love to hear about you're exploits.

- You're a [Beep] creep!

- Guys!

- Guys!

This is becoming a really toxic environment to work in.

I spit in your coffee every day

I spit in your coffee every day

Did you know that?

- Wow. You know? There's a special place in hell

- Wow. You know? There's a special place in hell

for women who don't support other women.

- You're not a [Beep] woman.

- You're not a [Beep] woman.

[arguing indistinctly]

- Okay. Hey! Hey! Shut up!

Hey! Shush!

Hey! Shush!

Okay. This, this is really unprofessional.

Okay. This, this is really unprofessional.

Now, Brynley, I believe there was something

you were trying to say.

you were trying to say.

[pause]

[pause]

- Thank you, camera guy.

- Thank you, camera guy.

- [whispering] Who's that guy?

- And he's right. The fighting has to stop.

- And he's right. The fighting has to stop.

How are we supposed to make a television show

How are we supposed to make a television show

when we can't even come together as a team?

from now on, we are gonna bond.

from now on, we are gonna bond.

We're gonna love one another.

We're gonna love one another.

And we're going to come together as a whanau.

Because that's what matters.

Because that's what matters.

Family first!

[scroll unfolds]

[scroll unfolds]

- Pauline, Where did you get that from?

- Church fair. Why?

Okay. Okay. Okay. Same words, different meanings.

But you know what I've done?

But you know what I've done?

I have decided to organize a game of social netball

so we can come together as a team.

so we can come together as a team.

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Enough of the negativity.

Enough of the negativity.

We are gonna be positive about this.

We are gonna be positive about this.

We are gonna be pro things.

We're gonna be-pro each other,

We're gonna be-pro each other,

pro sport, pro love.

You could even say we're going to be Pro life.

You could even say we're going to be Pro life.

You could even say we're going to be Pro life.

- You have another banner, don't you?

- Let's hear it for net ball!

- Let's hear it for net ball!

- Let's hear it for net ball!

[theme music]

- [Narrator] Stuck For Life,

- [Narrator] Stuck For Life,

was filmed in front of a live studio audience.

- The twins were great at the recital tonight, weren't they?

- The twins were great at the recital tonight, weren't they?

- Oh yeah.

- Oh yeah.

Hey, you don't think they heard me snoring, do you?

- Jim, I don't think there was a person alive

- Jim, I don't think there was a person alive

who didn't hear your snoring.

- Ah! I wondered why your mother was scowling at me.

- Are you kidding?

- Are you kidding?

That was probably her favorite part of the show.

It's so nice to get some peace and quiet.

[loud scream]

[loud scream]

- Jim. I told you not to give them sugar before bedtime,

- Jim. I told you not to give them sugar before bedtime,

it makes them crazy.

- Nah, that's a myth.

- Nah, that's a myth.

[loud scream]

[loud scream]

He's just excited about brushing his teeth.

- I hate brushing my teeth!

- I hate brushing my teeth!

- Jim, if you're always the good guy,

it makes me the bad one.

- Oh, that's not true

- Oh, that's not true

- BED!

- Hey, that's not my responsibility.

I wanted to stop after we had the first one.

I wanted to stop after we had the first one.

- Well, I tried to return them, but they said no refunds.

- Well, I tried to return them, but they said no refunds.

- And I told you, you should've kept that receipt.

- And I told you, you should've kept that receipt.

- Well, I'll remember that for the next one.

- Next one? Sure, shop is always closed for business.

- Next one? Sure, shop is always closed for business.

- Next one? Sure, shop is always closed for business.

- Well, you keep coming outside of opening hours.

- Oh, but I'm so close to completing my customer loyalty.

- Oh, but I'm so close to completing my customer loyalty.

- Nuh-uh.

- Nuh-uh.

No sugar before bedtime.

- Oh! God! Why does everything have to be a joke?

- Oh! God! Why does everything have to be a joke?

- I don't know.

Okay. It's tiring, though.

Okay. It's tiring, though.

- Forget it. Let's just go to bed.

- Yeah, we had a big day!

- Yeah, we had a big day!

- Yeah. We've all had big days.

- Yeah.

Are we happy?

- Honestly, I don't know.

- Honestly, I don't know.

- I think we should have some time apart.

[bouncy music plays]

♪ He likes beer and football♪

♪ He likes beer and football♪

♪ She's at home with the kids♪

♪ They're together forever♪

♪ They're together forever♪

♪ Cause that's the way it is♪

♪ You can't turn back time♪

♪ You can't turn back time♪

♪ No, you cannot♪

♪ You're just stuck for life♪

♪ Stuck for life♪

♪ Stuck for life♪

♪ Stuck for life♪

[upbeat music plays]

[crowd cheering]

[crowd cheering]

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Every once in a while,

there's a revolutionary product that changes everything.

there's a revolutionary product that changes everything.

Today is one of those days, and I am so excited

Today is one of those days, and I am so excited

Today is one of those days, and I am so excited

to bring you the first official information about the Seven.

to bring you the first official information about the Seven.

With the Four, we got rid of the buttons.

With the Four, we got rid of the buttons.

With the Five, we put the buttons back on.

With the Five, we put the buttons back on.

With the Six, we made it a little bit smaller.

With the Six, we made it a little bit smaller.

And now, with the Seven,

we've made it a little bit bigger, once again.

we've made it a little bit bigger, once again.

[crowd cheering]

[crowd cheering]

We've even taken out the headphone jack,

We've even taken out the headphone jack,

just to change things up a little bit more.

[amused-crowd noises]

[amused-crowd noises]

Would you like to see it?

[crowd cheering]

Then here it is!

Then here it is!

Say hello, to the Seven!

[crowd cheering]

- It's so beautiful!

- It's so beautiful!

- It has 18 speed settings, a 200 gigabyte hard drive,

- It has 18 speed settings, a 200 gigabyte hard drive,

twice the battery life, and we've even removed the camera.

Turns out nobody wanted those pictures.

Turns out nobody wanted those pictures.

It's also completely waterproof.

It's also completely waterproof.

- It's like a spaceship for your vagina!

- It's like a spaceship for your vagina!

- To be honest they'd fit, just hanging a bit long.

- To be honest they'd fit, just hanging a bit long.

- The Seven is going to make everything

you've ever owned before obsolete.

you've ever owned before obsolete.

This is the most cutting edge device on the market.

This is the most cutting edge device on the market.

This is the most cutting edge device on the market.

- Can I get one, mom?

- If you do well in maths.

- It is a new dawn!

- It is a new dawn!

[crowd cheering]

The Seven!

- I want it in me! [tearing up]

- I want it in me! [tearing up]

I want it in me!

- I'm really looking forward to the Eight!

[laughs]

[laughs]

[bouncy techno beats]

[bouncy techno beats]

[upbeat music plays]

- Yeah. Well, your mom is so ugly,

- Yeah. Well, your mom is so ugly,

she tried enter an ugly competition

she tried enter an ugly competition

and they said "Sorry, no professionals."

and they said "Sorry, no professionals."

[cheering]

- Oh nice!

[upbeat music plays]

Ho!

Your mom is so dumb that she died

Your mom is so dumb that she died

of starvation at the supermarket.

Whoa! [cheering]

Whoa! [cheering]

Whoa! [cheering]

- She did actually.

It's a really tough time for our family,

It's a really tough time for our family,

and the story was all over the news,

I'm surprised you didn't hear about it.

I'm surprised you didn't hear about it.

We're in a really long ongoing battle with the supermarket.

We're in a really long ongoing battle with the supermarket.

Really tough to pay the legal fees.

So our family is just falling apart, really.

So our family is just falling apart, really.

So maybe a think before you speak, yeah?

So maybe a think before you speak, yeah?

I can never go back to a super market.

I can never go back to a super market.

- Yeah, that's alright.

[bouncy techno beats]

[bouncy techno beats]

[violins playing]

[violins playing]

- I am so excited to play tonight.

I feel like I haven't left the studio in forever.

I feel like I haven't left the studio in forever.

- Yeah, actually how'd you do that

with the ankle bracelets still on?

- Oh, I just asked my parole officer

- Oh, I just asked my parole officer

and he said it was totally fine.

He even came tonight to show his support.

He even came tonight to show his support.

I think he has a huge crush on me.

I think he has a huge crush on me.

- Oh well, I can see why Pauline signed us up for this.

- Is it Gary from IT?

- Is it Gary from IT?

- Oh, here they are.

Okay guys bunch up, bunch up!

Okay guys bunch up, bunch up!

Darndest thing! Turns out that Gary here from work,

actually refs these indoor netball games

actually refs these indoor netball games

on a Wednesday night. What are the chances?

on a Wednesday night. What are the chances?

- Well, very high, soon as you guys are clearly together.

- Okay. So should we mix the boys and girls into two teams.

- Okay. So should we mix the boys and girls into two teams.

- Okay. So should we mix the boys and girls into two teams.

- Actually, Pauline, we don't really see gender.

- Actually, Pauline, we don't really see gender.

So we thought might be a bit pointless mixing us up.

So we thought might be a bit pointless mixing us up.

- Yeah. Doesn't seem very fair.

- So we're not mixing up teams.

- So we're not mixing up teams.

- We're all wearing the same t-shirts

so it's kind of like we're in a team already.

so it's kind of like we're in a team already.

- Wow I'd rather not look like an idiot.

So that's cool with me.

So that's cool with me.

- Just because there's no one next to me that

I am still a feminist even though...

I am still a feminist even though...

- Okay. Let's just go boys versus girls.

Okay?

Okay?

And so for captains

- Me, me, me, me, me.

- Me, me, me, me, me.

- Okay?

- If you need, if you do need, if you want me to,

if you want me to.

if you want me to.

I do want you to.

Um, okay captains. We've got rose and we have got Nick.

Um, okay captains. We've got rose and we have got Nick.

So let's bib up and get going.

So let's bib up and get going.

- Just remember this is just a game and we get to have win.

- Just remember this is just a game and we get to have win.

- You mean have fun.

- You mean have fun.

- Yeah, yes but there is nothing more fun

- Yeah, yes but there is nothing more fun

than winning as we all know.

So follow my leadership out there

Stay alert. Okay.

Stay alert. Okay.

Hands in!

Winning on one, two and three.

Winning on one, two and three.

One, two, three

- [everyone]Win!

- One, two, three

- One, two, three

- [everyone] Smash the patriarchy!

- [everyone] Smash the patriarchy!

- Get ready to lose

- Ready to be respected as an equal.

- Ready to be respected as an equal.

- Ahh God.

[whistle blows]

[whistle blows]

[techno bouncy music]

[techno bouncy music]

- My Really Real Baby eats real food.

- I feel like a real mommy.

- I feel like a real mommy.

- Cries real tears and has really real consequences.

- Cries real tears and has really real consequences.

- Poo, that stinks Really Real Baby.

- Poo, that stinks Really Real Baby.

- She's hungry. Better give her a bottle, or she'll die.

- She's hungry. Better give her a bottle, or she'll die.

- It's not working.

- Try checking a nappy.

- What's [Beep] wrong with you?

- What's [Beep] wrong with you?

- Looks like your baby is sick.

- Ohh babies are disgusting.

- Ohh babies are disgusting.

Where's the manual?

- Just like real life, there isn't one.

- Just like real life, there isn't one.

Better to take it to the after hours before CYFs

Better to take it to the after hours before CYFs

gets suspicious.

- But after hours is expensive.

- But after hours is expensive.

- Don't worry it's only gonna be like this for the next

18 years.

18 years.

- Mom, can I go to Annabelles party in the weekend?

- Have you arranged a babysitter?

- Have you arranged a babysitter?

- No

- Well then I'm afraid you're going to have to stay home

- Well then I'm afraid you're going to have to stay home

and look after your Really Real Baby

- But I haven't left the house in two weeks

- But I haven't left the house in two weeks

and I wanna shower.

- Well, you should've thought of that before you picked out

- Well, you should've thought of that before you picked out

your Really Real Baby

- My really Real Baby

The Doll that you really really need to consider

The Doll that you really really need to consider

before buying

before buying

- Can you hold this for a minute.

- I'm not ready for this!

- My Really Real Baby!

- Shut up!

- Shut up!

- Accessories include baby's bottle, two cute bib options

and a bottle of antidepressants for the likely

and a bottle of antidepressants for the likely

event of postnatal depression.

- I hate this and I hate you.

- I hate this and I hate you.

[theme song]

[theme song]

[theme song]

[opera music]

[opera music]

[whistle blow] [crowd cheers]

[whistle blow] [crowd cheers]

[whistle blow] [crowd cheers]

- You look me in the eye and told me that was a goal.

- Paulina it was a goal.

- Okay.

You're doing a great job there Gary

[giggling]

[giggling]

- Come on ladies focus up, focus up ladies!

- Come on ladies focus up, focus up ladies!

- Relax Rose, just a friendly game.

- We're not friends with coworkers.

- Excuse me?

- Excuse me?

- Come on, throw the ball, throw the ball

- Come on, throw the ball, throw the ball

Over here Chloe!

Now back to Rose. Back to Rose!

Okay Kim!

Oh I got it, back to Captain.

Oh I got it, back to Captain.

All right Brynley

We're gonna take it back here

We're gonna take it back here

Yeah, Okay!

All right!

Oh yes!

[whistle blows]

[whistle blows]

Come on!

You know as a male feminist I'm not really comfortable

with participating on this traditionally a female game.

with participating on this traditionally a female game.

- That's not feminism you little [beep]

- That's not feminism you little [beep]

throw the ball you [Beep].

- Ref!

Ref!

[whistle blow]

- Pauline, sorry you can't actually run with the ball.

- Pauline, sorry you can't actually run with the ball.

- Oh, okay sure, I'll just give it to you.

- Give it here.

- Give it here.

[clapping]

- Flora what the fuck is wrong with you today?

- Relax Rose it's just a game.

- Relax Rose it's just a game.

- It is not just a game. It's about loyalty and commitment.

- It is not just a game. It's about loyalty and commitment.

Stop being a little bitch

- What the Fuck?

- You know what?

- You know what?

You can't be on this court right now. You have to leave.

- You can't be serious.

- I am dead serious.

- I am dead serious.

Come on, give me the ball, give me.

Give me the ball.

Give me the ball.

Off!

Mate, you. You're up?

Hurry up.

Hurry up.

Come on!

[whistle blows] [crowd cheering]

[whistle blows] [crowd cheering]

- No!

[suspenseful music]

[suspenseful music]

- Ahh, Thank God

- Ahh, Thank God

[crowd cheering]

- It is a a new joy.

- It is a a new joy.

The Seven.

[crowd cheering]

[crowd cheering]

- It's really a fantastic piece of technology Steph.

- It's really a fantastic piece of technology Steph.

- Steph Wisniac.

- Yeah.

- I just wish you had stayed in your seat to enjoy the

- I just wish you had stayed in your seat to enjoy the

presentation. I invited you as a gesture.

presentation. I invited you as a gesture.

- Yeah, I, I appreciate that as well, Steph, I,

I just wish you would've acknowledged the Love Egg team

out there.

out there.

- The Love Egg?

The Love Egg was low level technology designed for two

The Love Egg was low level technology designed for two

minutes of uncomplicated self-pleasure.

minutes of uncomplicated self-pleasure.

- Hang on

- What I have created here...

- What you? Sorry, What you created?

- What you? Sorry, What you created?

You can't create anything by yourself.

You can't create anything by yourself.

I mean, we both made the Love Egg in my parents'

garage together.

garage together.

Which by the way is still outselling the six, four to one.

So it's still pleasing women every day. I'll have you know..

So it's still pleasing women every day. I'll have you know..

- Always go on about the sales.

- Always go on about the sales.

But what I have created here is art.

But what I have created here is art.

- Art?

You're not an artist, Picasso, Monet they were artists

You're not an artist, Picasso, Monet they were artists

- Oh Yeah, and while they were painting,

who was fucking their wives?

who was fucking their wives?

We were, with the four.

We were, with the four.

- The five, the six...

- I think you were very confused about the timeline of human

- I think you were very confused about the timeline of human

history there, but regardless,

there is nothing artistic about putting some electricity

there is nothing artistic about putting some electricity

into a piece of plastic that helps woman wank.

into a piece of plastic that helps woman wank.

- You take that back.

- I am going to create a piece of technology

- I am going to create a piece of technology

that is going to put 78,000 songs in your butt.

that is going to put 78,000 songs in your butt.

- That's not possible, the technology...

- Anything is possible.

- You never stop designing do you?

If you know what the problem with that is?

If you know what the problem with that is?

It's like, you never take a moment to look up and see the

It's like, you never take a moment to look up and see the

people who helped you to get where you are today.

Goodbye, Steph.

- 78,000 songs

- 78,000 songs

In your butt.

- No one wants songs in their butt.

- No one wants songs in their butt.

- In your butt!

[opera music]

[indistinctive chat]

I'm free, free, single, I'm free

I'm free, free, single, I'm free

Pauline, You're on defense. What are you doing?

Pauline, You're on defense. What are you doing?

- Time out, time out.

- Time out, time out.

- Are you okay?

- Are you okay?

- I think I just got my period.

- But we got 30 seconds left to go, can't they just wait?

- But we got 30 seconds left to go, can't they just wait?

- No, for the first time, I mean this is the first time.

- No, for the first time, I mean this is the first time.

[everyone] What?

- You haven't had it before?

- No.

- No.

- What? How old are you?

- Twenty seven

My family are late bloomers, I'll call my mom.

My family are late bloomers, I'll call my mom.

- [whispers] Oh My God. Goddamn, what are we gonna do now?

- [whispers] Oh My God. Goddamn, what are we gonna do now?

- Get Laura to play

- All right, Laura!

- You can come back on the court as long as

you don't [Beep] it up!

you don't [Beep] it up!

[techno music]

[techno music]

[whistle blows]

[techno music]

[techno music]

[whistle blows]

- No goal

- No goal

- What?

- Laura you can't [BEEP] dunk in Netball you dumbass!

- Laura you can't [BEEP] dunk in Netball you dumbass!

[cries]

[cries]

- And that's the game. Red team win by One.

- And that's the game. Red team win by One.

[cheers]

[door opening]

[door opening]

- Hey

- Hey

- I thought you weren't meant to be at home till late

- It was pretty quiet so they let me go early.

- It was pretty quiet so they let me go early.

Hey, You got mail.

- Look, get out!

- But you got mail.

- But you got mail.

- Look I just leave my private time okay Beth?

- But...

- Beth! [slams the door]

- Beth! [slams the door]

- Beth! [slams the door]

Hey, can I borrow your laptop?

Hey, can I borrow your laptop?

- Yeah. What do you need it for?

- Nothing. I just need it to watch a video.

- Nothing. I just need it to watch a video.

[moaning sounds]

Yes, this will do me perfectly

Yes, this will do me perfectly

[moaning sounds]

[moaning sounds]

- Amy, you've been in there all night can I get my computer back

- Amy, you've been in there all night can I get my computer back

- Don't come in, don't come in!

- Beth I just need my private time, Okay?

- Beth I just need my private time, Okay?

- Gross!

Stop wanking off to my computer

[vibrating sounds]

- Yes

[moaning sounds]

Oh yes, ahhh!

Perfect!

- Hi guys, it's LizaXo obviously.

And I'm so super psyched about putting this unboxing

And I'm so super psyched about putting this unboxing

video together for you today.

video together for you today.

The great people of Lady Finger have sent me the new Seven

The great people of Lady Finger have sent me the new Seven

to unbox.

So I'm just gonna open it up, take the product out.

So I'm just gonna open it up, take the product out.

Out of the packaging. What else do we have in here?

USB cable, I think this is like an Aux cable

USB cable, I think this is like an Aux cable

I obviously got my, Oh my God it looks beautiful.

I obviously got my, Oh my God it looks beautiful.

Obviously I got the regular size here.

But you can upgrade to the Seven Plus if you choose.

But you can upgrade to the Seven Plus if you choose.

So it's about the size of my vagina

So it's about the size of my vagina

so it's gonna fit perfectly if not a but roomy around it.

so it's gonna fit perfectly if not a but roomy around it.

It's beautiful you can see your reflection in it

Ahh, do your makeup and stuff

Ahh, do your makeup and stuff

So I just wanna remind you guys that you can Like

And Subscribe, Sorry just got a little low there

And Subscribe, Sorry just got a little low there

Just gonna put it up to high

Ahh, you can subscribe to the channel LizaXO

Ahh, you can subscribe to the channel LizaXO

And I'm gonna be having way more fashion update

And I'm gonna be having way more fashion update

And you can see what I wore in my winter wardrobe

And you can see what I wore in my winter wardrobe

in the upcoming video, so yeah. I'll see you guys then.

in the upcoming video, so yeah. I'll see you guys then.

- Are you sure you can't just loosen up a little bit?

- Are you sure you can't just loosen up a little bit?

- My head says no Kim but my heart says yes.

- My head says no Kim but my heart says yes.

- Good game out there tonight girls.

I thought you really put up a pretty decent fight.

I thought you really put up a pretty decent fight.

- Shut up!

- We're off to get some beersiez.

Uhm, we would invite you

Uhm, we would invite you

But girls get so harassed in the bars

it's probably safer if you don't come.

it's probably safer if you don't come.

- Yeah, that's offensive

- It is, and I hope someday that changes.

- It is, and I hope someday that changes.

- Sorry about tonight guys, I promise it won't happen again.

- Sorry about tonight guys, I promise it won't happen again.

[giggles]

- Well, not until this time next month at least.

- Well, not until this time next month at least.

- I'm gonna get my period every month?

Why did nobody tell me this?

- Laura, Laura. I'm sorry about how I was in there.

- Laura, Laura. I'm sorry about how I was in there.

I'm super competitive. I was actually banned from sports

I'm super competitive. I was actually banned from sports

in High school because I accidentally burned down

a basketball court.

a basketball court.

- Yeah look, it's okay.

- No, it's not. I was super aggressive

- No, it's not. I was super aggressive

And I was sort of a [Beep].

- Yeah, you were a [beep].

- Yeah, you were a [beep].

- Just sort of a [Beep].

- That's okay, I've never been really that good in

- That's okay, I've never been really that good in

competitive situations. I kinda just freeze up.

competitive situations. I kinda just freeze up.

I mean, one time in High School I just gave someone

my boyfriend because she wanted him more.

my boyfriend because she wanted him more.

- Wow, I guess we just don't really know each other

that well.

that well.

- Well, I'd like to be friends.

- Me too, I would love that.

- Me too, I would love that.

- We should try that then.

- Deal.

Do you need a ride?

- No, Pauline was gonna give me a ride home I came with her

- No, Pauline was gonna give me a ride home I came with her

Did you see her in there, anywhere?

- [moaning sounds]

- [moaning sounds]

- Actually yeah, I would love a ride back.

[END CREDITS]

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