Original subtitles

Hi.

Hi. Thanks for coming.

The Golden Bull Grill had their grand opening next door

and the big guy just wandered over.

Right into the perfect section of the store.

Can you help? We open in an hour.

This is huge.

I mean, we got bulls, plates, silverware, glasses�

It's official. We have a bull

- in a China shop. - in the dishware aisle.

What?

Sorry, sometimes it's hard for me to play along.

Shred, we need a photo. or no one's gonna believe this.

Oh yeah.

Get over there.

We're gonna walk outta here

into every adorable animal account on MySpace.

Wait, cut off your feet. Sorry.

It's alright. Like any responsible business

I'm sure they have bull insurance.

?

?

Lemon ricotta pancakes, my queen.

What? Lemon and ricotta? Oh my goodness.

Oh, um� sorry, I'll be right back.

Hey.

Whassssaaap!

Uh, let me guess. You're at Rick's.

Yeah. Uh, what's going on?

Hey, I got a new lead and it is big.

Wow, you gasp a lot.

Magicians must love you in their audience.

Look, we're gonna meet my CI in 20 minutes.

He has new intel on the animal smuggling case.

I thought he was too scared to talk.

Sometimes you gotta make things happen.

We've gone through the looking glass, across the Rubicon,

and now we are everywhere we wanna be. Later.

What?

Everything OK?

Um, you know, I have to go into the office early.

What happened?

So, sadly, Officer Larson was bit by a coyote.

Oh my goodness. Uh, I don't think I know Larson.

Is he OK?

Yeah, I think I just need to be there for a little hand-holding.

Mmm.

Bye.

I guess more pancakes for me and Emilio.

Alright, yes, yes, yes.

- Bye Mom, bye Dad. - Bye beta.

- Love you. - Bye.

- Have a great day, beta. - I always do.

No, you don't. You hate your life.

Who is this chipper Patel?

Since they have come to town

they have been unbelievably helpful.

Hey Victoria, you look lovely today!

Awe, thank you!

I would love to fit in one more study session

before my citizenship exam tomorrow.

Well, how about at lunch today?

And I can fit it between the oil change and Taekwondo pick-up.

Taekwondo pick-up, yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, shoot. I never found Danny's orange belt.

We did.

Never been happier.

Hey, buddy.

Rick.

I hate to interrupt but I'm looking for Emily.

Just wanted to drop off some pancakes.

She's not here right now

and I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Are you looking for a nanny?

I was looking for a nanny,

but I guess I'm talking to you now.

If you must know, I met a woman at Oakwood Country Club

but I never got her name.

All I know is that she was a nanny, she was a diver,

and when I met her my heart did somersaults.

- Have you gone back to the club? - Sure, Rick.

Why don't I just pull up in my Bugatti,

wave my golden ticket around, wear a cashmere suit�

Hey, hey, hey. Are we good?

I'm sensing a lotta heat coming off this kettle.

I'm sorry, I'm just, you know,

I'm hitting a lot of dead-ends and it's very frustrating.

Well, my finance guy is a member over there.

I could give him a jingle, get us in for lunch.

That's actually really helpful.

Thank you.

By the way, do you know why Officer Larson

got bit by a coyote?

Now is not the time for riddles, Rick.

Just make the call.

I kinda hate that I lied to Rick.

You gotta let that go. I lie to Shred all the time.

He thinks I invented Big League Chew.

Hey, Terry. Where the hell you been?

I wanted to make sure I wasn't followed.

Right, makes sense.

You're walking almost half a mile an hour

with an enormous pig for some reason.

This pig has a name. The name's Denise.

I had to bring her.

If I leave her alone she'll lick her snout bald.

- Awe. - Who's this?

Oh, I'm Emily. I'm the partner.

- Can we trust her? - Yeah, I think so.

You think so?

Listen, you need to step up and tell us who's running things.

Not because it's the right thing to do

but because I'm running out of cool places for us to meet.

I can't, man. I'm in too deep.

Think of the animals!

What if Denise got smuggled, huh?

The hog needs a champion.

Alvin Lucas.

I don't�

- I don't know who that is. - Never heard of him.

He owns the refuge. He actually owns a bunch.

I don't know what makes me angrier,

the hypocrisy or the crime.

- Well� - The crime.

You guys hear that?

Terry, you need to chill out. No one's following you.

Who's over there?

- Scatter! - Oh God!

What is one power of the federal government?

Oh, to print monayyyy!

I think you're gonna be great!

Awe, thank you so much, Mr. Patel.

Honestly, I couldn't have done this without you.

Oh, no.

Thank you.

Oh, gosh. A little fly-by smooch.

Anyway, thank you so much.

Oh, saint can you�

Hi there. We are guests of Trenton Chase.

My name is Rick Doyle.

You're not on my list.

Uh, I texted him and he replied �yeah, no, for sure�.

Ugh, Rick, that's bro speak for �not gonna happen�.

Do your due diligence!

Look, I know this is about the girl

but I'm catching a lot of friendly fire from you.

Wait, that's her!

Sir, do you know that woman's name?

No, she always gives aliases.

Angela, Pamela, Sandra, Rita�

She Mambo Number Five'd you.

Wait a second, I know that bandana.

It's the kind the taffy pourers wear down in Frontier Town.

I was there last week.

You used all that settlement money just to dick around

doing awesome stuff all day, don't you?

Against my better judgement I had my precinct

lend your precinct our beachcomber vehicle.

Which we returned to you the next day, Templeton.

Hah!

With a broken cup holder and two boot marks on the dash.

Your crew are animals!

Uh, yeah.

So, Templeton, why don't you just go ahead and send me a�

Emily? Emily?

Emily! Why is this happening agai�

Oh, thank goodness. Thank you so much.

I just did a deep dive on everything Lucas�

Mmhmm.

�and I think I hit the motherlode.

Are you talking about the gala that he's hosting

at the aquarium tonight?

Oh, that was gonna be my big reveal.

Oh.

I suppose you know that all the tickets are sold out, too?

Sold out? What? No.

Don't patronize me.

But what you don't know is that I've already talked to Terry

and he is gonna sneak us in through the penguin enclosure.

I did not know that.

That's news to me and I love it.

Wait, so what happens when we get inside?

We set up a buy with Lucas?

Do we look like the type of people

that Alvin Lucas would do business with?

Cover stories.

Situationally appropriate gasp. I'll allow it.

So, when I was a cop, I went undercover all the time.

I was a skinhead, a Hare Krishna at the airport,

a meth dealer with alopecia.

Oh.

Wait�

What if being bald is part of my disguise tonight?

And that will pair really nicely with um� with uh�

a Cajun accent.

Yes.

Beaudine Desveraux.

Offshore oil magnate from Baton Rouge.

That's very good.

And I'm your first and third wife, Marguerite.

That's great.

OK, so we have to come up with an exotic animal

we're trying to buy.

Lemur?

- Lemur! - Yes!

For our sick daughter, Abigail.

Her lupus has come back.

I hope you like gumbo, Mr. Lucas,

because you are about to be in some very hot water.

Hey. What're you still doing here?

We're T-minus 20 on Taekwondo.

I kissed Victoria.

What?

Well, actually Victoria kissed me.

And I let it happen. On my lips.

OK, this sounds like maybe it was an accident?

I strayed, and I gotta tell your mom.

No, you don't need to do that. No telling Mom.

You didn't stray.

Your mom is gonna be really hurt.

And now we have to move back to Nashville to work on things.

What? No, you can't leave.

Dad, the kids? They're gonna be devastated.

Addy was just talking about how much she loves watching

Dada empty the dishwasher.

What have I done? Curse my stupid kissable face.

Welcome to Barnaby's General Store,

home of the finest hand-pulled taffy west of the Mississippi.

Can I ask you a random question? Does this woman work here?

What on God's green earth?

Your chalk slate appears to be glowing.

He's the best, he never breaks character.

Does she look familiar at all?

Oh my stars.

Oh, Emily's cancelling on dinner.

I hope Larson's OK.

Dude, who is Larson? You keep bringing him up.

She's probably just working on her special project with Frank.

What special project?

The secret one?

That maybe you don't know about?

I don't think it's a big deal.

Why is she hiding it from me?

Uh, sir, I respect your commitment

but I can see your Invisalign.

Just tell me. Did this lady work here?

She was a taffy puller but she was fired

for vaping in the saloon.

OK. Do you know her name?

I just knew her as the young widow Jenkins.

Come on, man!

Okay. Alright.

You broke him.

You broke my dad and now he's gonna leave.

This is ridiculous, we barely grazed lips.

I'll go talk to her.

Or you kiss me.

And just hear me out.

In front of him.

What? No.

Totally valid reaction. Let me explain.

That way he thinks it's just a normal New Zealand custom.

OK, so this is not going to happen.

I would rather kiss your dad again.

Victoria, we're going to figure this out,

so this is happening.

OK, just tell your dad to stop texting me.

Done.

Are you being serious right now?

Oh, hey Fra�

Rick.

Hi. What-uh, what are you doing here?

I just wanted to come by

and see how your special project with Frank was going.

Special project?

Um�

Oh, mon chere, your limousine� Oh, hey Rick.

Larson, right? It's crazy.

OK, uh, here's the deal.

Frank and I are doing an undercover investigation

on an animal smuggling ring.

What?

I know I should have told you but I didn't exactly get

a sign-off from the division on this one

and I know you're Mr. By-the-Book, so�

I am?

Well, I'm sorry for having a North Star.

In the words of Marcus Aurelius�

Ugh! Please do not quote Marcus Aurelius at me right now.

I� I can't handle that.

You don't like my quotes?

I do not love them.

Well, in the words of Marcus Aurelius,

I've been carrying you at game nights.

Oh, that is� that's insane.

Clue!

What're you doing?

Emily's guess: Bees in your pants.

Bees in your pants!

I stand by bees in your pants 'cause ants in your pants

seemed like too easy of a guess!

There was nothing in my pants!

I was obviously hula hooping!

And then lo and behold we lose to Elise and Brian again.

Alright, is there anything else that bugs you about me

that you've just been sitting on?

I can think of a few things.

Well, me too, so let's get real and just�

Rip off the Band-Aid.

OK, you knew 'cause I was so clear.

- You see? - Rip off the�

How is this clear?

This is clear! This is clear!

There's bees everywhere. Get them out of my�

Hey.

Hey.

I knew you were always wearing a hair piece.

Okay. Can you come to the gala with me tonight?

As what, your daughter?

Solid burn, no time for a comeback.

Emily's out and I need a plus one

to keep my Beaudine alibi airtight.

Tempting, but no.

I have the biggest test of my life tomorrow.

Right. Uh, what's the Sixth Amendment?

Uh, right to a speedy trial.

You're probably right. You're ready.

Come on, I can't do this alone.

Please?

I think I might have something I can throw on in my locker.

Great.

Uh, no shoes?

Have fun, you wank.

Uh, no, it's very cool.

It's very high low and of the moment.

It looks great. Really.

I mean, I declare that you could charm

a propeller off a swamp pole.

Stop talking like that, it's weird.

Like what? This is how I talk.

And I haven't understood a word you've said

in a year and a half.

OK, remember. Stick to the bullet points.

Devereaux, Marguerite, lemur, lupus, Abigail.

Frank, too many names. If I try to cram those up here

I'm gonna start losing presidents.

Terry, open up.

Shoot.

This is unhinged, even for me.

OK, OK.

Hey, Frank.

Terry, why am I hearing music

and why are you not on the other side of this door?

I'm at a Bennigans in Canada.

I'm out, Frank.

Terry, I hope you choke on-

Well, Marguerite, plan B.

I thought I was Abigail.

Abigail's our lupus kid.

You really should be off book by now.

So is my character from New Zealand?

No. Absolutely not.

Devereaux comma Beaudine. Plus one.

Um, sorry sir, I can't seem to find that name.

Is it possible you're listed under your daughter's name?

Sir, I take offense.

I am so sorry, this is totally my fault, I forgot to RSVP.

Typical third wife move.

I'm sorry, sir. Next please.

Do you have any idea who donated this wing of the aquarium?

The sting ray touch pond or the tealights

that illuminate your face right now?

An anonymous donor.

Let the veil drop.

The anonymous donor? It is I.

It is him.

Marguerite, how many greenbacks did we unfold here.

I believe 700 million.

I think you might be conflating the size of the gifts

but it was sizable.

What's the hold up here?

It's OK, just go in.

- Thank you. Go Saints. - Okay.

- Oh, hello. - Hey.

It's mice to see you.

Oh, I'm sorry, that was a lame joke.

- Are� - No.

Are you OK?

Yeah, no I'm�

I don't know, Rick and I had a huge fight, so�

Maybe he deserved it, you know.

Yeah, it was our first real fight

and a lot of stuff came out and I just�

I don't know, I'm just wondering if we're as solid as I thought.

Yeah.

It's tough to say because I wasn't there.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

- I'm sorry. - Yeah.

Um� I guess I'll leave you to it.

Yeah, OK.

Right.

Actually, I just have to say um�

Rick is a really good dude.

And uh, when you find something good

you shouldn't just let it go. Believe me.

That's good advice.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Sorry. There he is.

He's probably trying to sell the jellyfish right out of the tank.

Do you want me to proposition him?

That doesn't always have to be your first move.

I think we should do the simple thing and I'll fake a seizure,

you pull my tongue out, he'll come over.

I bet you he knows first aid.

OK. Or we could just�

- Hi! - Hello.

- Oh, hi. - Hi.

Alvin Lucas.

Marguerite Devereaux. This is my husband, Beaudine.

But everyone thinks he's my dad.

It is a pleasure to meet you.

And might I say, you have a wonderful aquarium here.

And I should know, we have a pretty good one in Baton Rouge.

Well, thank you.

I hope this isn't too forward but from one bald man

to another you have the smoothest head I've ever seen.

Oh!

I shave twice a day and I wax for formal events.

You know, I can't even count one single sun spot.

May I just�

Sorry, it's just that I�

Nice to meet you.

As far as sun spots go,

we like to summer in the shady mountains of Wyoming.

Well, I have a ranch there.

Although, it is going to hell.

The Secretary of the Interior

is trying to eminently domain my land.

My daughter has lupus.

Um�

Oh, well uh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Um, anyway, it's been a pleasure meeting both of you.

Don't get me started on Deb Haaland.

Secretary of the Interior.

You know who Haaland is?

Unfortunately.

I can't believe she's eighth in line for the presidency.

Although, better than Tom Vilsack.

The Secretary of Agriculture.

You really know your federal government.

Know your enemy, huh?

Cheers.

I like her.

Abigail's favorite movie is Madagascar.

As� as my husband was trying to say,

our daughter has had a tough year.

Mmhmm?

But there is something that would really cheer her up.

Oh.

Can we ask a favor?

Hi.

Hi.

Look, I'm really sorry that I lied to you.

It's just you're this moral, perfect person

and I'm just scared of disappointing you sometimes.

Well, I'm sorry I freaked out so much.

I am too rigid and I'm always spouting quotes.

No, no, no, but I like some of your quotes.

Especially the short ones.

And this was obviously a hula-hooping.

No, that was not a great clue.

I was thrusting my hips. It was way too provocative.

Are we terrible at game night?

We might be.

Regardless, I should never have kept you in the dark.

I mean, if there's anyone I trust it's� it's you.

I feel the same way.

But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't work on myself.

Oh, yeah, I wanna work on myself, too.

So there's this meditation retreat

that I've always wanted to go on,

I think it would be really good for me.

That's great.

The thing is it's for a month in Nepal.

Oh.

I don't have to go though, I mean it's�

No, no, no, no. You should go.

You should go. I'll miss you.

Wassssaaaap!

Yeah, if we're being honest with each other,

sometimes I wish your bird was not� alive.

One more. I have my big test tomorrow.

Beer and wine from now on, OK?

You were fantastic tonight. Really.

To Abigail and her lemur.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Mmm. Delicious.

We're like really good parents.

Mmm.

Can I have ten bucks for the coat guy?

No.

Alright.

Panama City, Florida�

Oh.

- Excuse me. - Pardon me.

Fooled his own brother.

Frank? Bald Frank.

Shh.

Wait. What the hell are you doing here, huh?

Is that Mom's friend, Mimi?

It just happened.

Why are you wearing a bald cap?

Are you trying to be undercover?

- I am undercover. - Yeah?

- Remember that animal ring? - Yeah.

I set up a buy and there's gonna be a big bust

and guess where it's happening?

- Where? - The docks.

- A dock bust. - Yeah.

- Good for you. - At night.

Fog rolling in.

You and Dad and the entire Seattle PD

can go find another civic employee to kick around.

Frank Shaw is back.

Oh, hi Ms. De Angelo. How's Mr. De Angelo?

He's very much in the dark, Frank.

Understood.

What? A buy at the docks? How sinister and cool.

Ugh, I wish I could go.

Well, of course you're going, you're my partner.

Wait, really?

Yeah.

But he's already met Marguerite.

But he has not met my partially deaf attach�, Lorna.

How's your hard of hearing voice?

Yeah, I'm not doing that one.

But what about Maria, your Italian consigliere?

Ciao Bella.

- But partially deaf? - No, she's not deaf at all.

Ooh, I heard we had some big fun last night.

Lasagne, Garfield, Mondays.

Seriously, though. I heard last night was epic.

Pics please.

Scusi.

There.

Oh Frank, you look great.

I really like you with a bald head.

Look at this, a limo?

Mmhmm.

Passed apps?

Wow, this is truly a night to remember.

My�

Oh my God.

Oh my God!

It's her!

It's the girl from the country club!

She lives and she's a caterer!

This is huge.

Oh, a thief who can't keep a job?

You better lock this one down, Shred.

She stole my heart. What can I say?

Hey. What're you guys doing here?

I wanted to wish Victoria good luck on her exam.

Oh.

I had to practically drag your dad to the car.

She's not here. Let's go.

Oh, hi Victoria!

Uh-oh, someone had a rough night.

You, Mom, Dad, they're here.

Anything you wanna say or� do?

Fine.

Yeah.

It's nice to see you, Mrs. Patel.

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