Original subtitles

Oh, hey, Melissa. Hey, Barbara. I'm baaaack.

We're all back, kid. It's a Thursday.

Well, yeah, but I'm back back.

Yeah, but wasn't your first day back last week?

No, it's today.

Welcome back, Janine.

Well, thank you, Mr. Morton.

You know, for someone fresh off maternity leave,

you look great. I did not have a baby.

I was working at the school district.

Sure.

Ava: I have an exciting announcement, Abbott.

Today is the long-anticipated return of one of our faves

cinnamon buns in the cafeteria.

Cinnamon is da winnah, mon!

Good morning, everyone.

Students: Good morning. Hey, Alex.

I'm happy you're back, Miss Teagues.

Thank you.

Let's get started.

Oh, great job, Esme. Way to carry that one.

We're gonna do great things this year, guys.

It's almost May.

I've officially been back teaching for 45 minutes.

We've already played the States game on the big map,

done a math worksheet,

and one of the students threw up

from eating too many cinnamon buns.

I can't believe I was ever not doing this.

Hello! I missed that knock.

It's good to have you back.

Uh, those are nice. The kids get those for you?

Oh, no. Those are from my friends at the district.

Ah. Oh, um, do you still have those glitter glue sticks

I lent your class back in September?

Yes. Those were for me, not my class. One second.

Okay.

I hid them in a secret compartment.

It was a shoe box.

- Ah. Thank you. - You're welcome.

Mmm. Yum.

I missed this coffee so much.

Really? I think it's bleaching my gums.

Oh, hush!

I got to finish this before book club.

Oh, I have books. Can I join?

No, you cannot join. Admission is closed.

Besides, the first meeting is tonight.

Well, who's in this exclusive book club?

Me, Barb, Ava, Ms. Inez, Mr. Johnson, Mr. Morton.

Morton?!

Barbara: Book club was Ava's idea.

She's become a voracious reader.

And Ms. Inez told her that she might enjoy,

you know, discussing them with others.

And I love literature and community.

Even if she did name it AARB.

Ava And Her Reading Bitches going off tonight in the gym.

This bitch is ready.

I should be that bitch.

Plus, I ordered Danny Wok's and Morton's paying for it.

That's a rotating schedule, right?

Sure. Anyway, I am hype.

It will be a most erudite discussion.

Melissa: Yeah, I flew through it.

Even though it did kind of give arsonists a bad name.

Oh, please. Shh! I'm not done.

You didn't finish your homework?

Proud of you, girl.

Janine: Well, what's the book?

"Parable of the Sower" by Octavia Butler.

Oh, I've read that!

What an intense, sad, introspect...

We do not need this feminist novel mansplained to us.

Well, then why does Morton get to be in the club?

Because he's trying to better understand

the female perspective

while he goes through his trial separation.

So, there.

Yo, yo! Greggo my Eggo.

Tonight I'm getting dinner with this paramedic

I've been seeing, Avi. Okay.

And he's got this super-chill coworker.

He thought, oh, it might be fun

if we made it, like, a double-dateski.

He asked if I had a straight friend,

and I was like, "I've got the best one ever."

You in? Um, you know...

I am getting a little tired of these apps.

Why do you need apps when you've got J-date?

Or, no, sorry.

Yeah, let's do it.

It's probably time to shake it up.

My last date kept using

the wrong spelling of "there" in every single text.

You'd think she'd get it right even by accident.

Uh, anyway, I'll see you T-H-E-R-E.

Heck, yeah! Oh.

You okay? Sorry, Quinn.

- Very good. - I did.

All rise!

Or don't.

This book club is now in session.

Since this is my first nerd hang,

Roz, what do we do?

Well, we can start with everyone saying

whether they liked the book.

I loved it.

It was so refreshing to have a protagonist

that actually put her faith first in decisions.

Yeah, and I love novels about societal collapse.

A world without laws?

Don't threaten me with a good time.

Well, I think we can all agree

that some of the feminist rhetoric was a bit over the top.

Well, actually, couple's counseling

is going pretty poorly. Why?

Okay, back on topic.

Uh, let's imagine in a post-apocalyptic society

like this one, what skills would you bring to the table?

For instance, if pushed,

I could strangle someone to death with my bare hands.

Pfft. Well, I have a family history

of doing what needs to be done.

I can fish and throw a plunger 60 yards if it comes to that.

My strength is my faith and my voice...

? To heal the sca-a-a-red ?

Amen.

I'm funny, and I know science.

You are not funny,

and you know the periodic table and plate tectonics,

not how to filter water.

Honestly, I'm pretty shaky on plate tectonics.

Mm.

Uh, what about you, Ava?

I'd be leader, of course.

You wouldn't be my leader.

Why not? I've been prepping

for environmental catastrophe since I was 10 years old.

I have a year's worth of fresh water hidden

in this very

in a building that I know someplace.

Mm. Well, thank you very much, Ava,

but I think that my faith-based governance would thrive

in the end times.

Yeah, right.

Barb, you know I love you. Um...

Just that you're a spiritual woman,

and there are a couple of stone tablets

that might get in the way

of the tough decisions

that you have to make in the apocalypse.

So I think I better go it alone.

Well... Can you dig a hole?

Can you dig two holes?

Yeah, Barb. How many holes can you dig?

Blood was spraying everywhere. I was literally soaked.

That is disgusting.

It was totally disgusting.

And so I-I applied the tourniquet and, um...

And he looks up, and he says, "Did I look cool?"

And those were the last words he ever said.

I know.

No, I'm just kidding. I was just kidding. Are you serious?

Yeah, no, he was fine, yeah. I-I really believed you right there for a second.

We brought him to the ER. He was fine.

Probably. We don't usually do follow-ups.

Okay. What is the most blood that you have ever seen?

Trust me, I can handle it.

"Gory" is literally in my name.

Okay, you're weird, which is perfect

'cause so is Olivia.

So, we are looking at like a 45-minute wait.

Gregory, keep your ringer on.

I gave your number to the restaurant.

Oh, should we get a drink here while we wait?

They have darts.

Oh, Jacob's banned from the darts here, speaking of blood.

Oh. How am I supposed to get better

if they won't let me practice?

Gregory: It's just a liability.

This place is packed.

Does anyone see a max-occupancy sign?

Avi.

You're right. We're off the clock.

I'll grab the first round.

Is that Janine?

Jacob: Oh, my Godot, it is.

She looks amazing.

Is she on a date?

With Manny?

And now, Janine is back working at Abbott.

Avi, you remember Janine.

She punted the CPR dummy.

Exactly. Let's go say hi.

No, no, no, no. I don't think we should.

Um, no one wants to be on a date around their coworkers.

Well, Avi and I coworkers and we're on dates.

Same for you and Jacob.

Yeah, and I-I'm not so sure that it's a date.

Janine would have told me.

Well, that's exactly why we shouldn't go over there.

I mean, she clearly wants her privacy.

Why are you so sure she's on a date?

Look at what she's wearing.

Yeah, that's a freak'um dress.

She's on a date. God, and he's cute.

See, Jacob? It's a freak'um dress.

And he's cute.

? Every day ?

Not gonna get involved in all of it. How are we gonna flow

if no one's listening to each other?

That's the problem. All I'm saying is

at some point, cannibalism becomes a caloric necessity.

I-It feels like we all had different takeaways.

Which is okay!

No, it's not. It's disgusting.

The message of the book was actually quite simple.

His messages usually are.

Oh, yeah, if you agree that the message is

human beings should rarely, if ever, trust each other.

And avoid California. Mm!

Ava: I see why y'all didn't want me to be in charge.

You obviously lack reading-comprehension skills,

which explains a lot about this school in general, actually.

I-I-I have to say,

usually reading discussions expand the mind.

But this seems to have only reinforced your existing

and troubling viewpoints.

I'd rather die than change my mind.

It's the American way.

Perhaps one-on-one conversations

would be more fruitful.

Factions, you say?

Well, small discussion groups.

Fine by me. Melissa and Mr. Johnson,

your shared nihilism seems compatible, and... Mm-hmm.

Roz, your ability to see the best in everyone means

that you'll thrive under my leadership.

And, Barbara,

you think that religion is the answer,

which makes you the only person that will take Morton.

Okay, come on, Mr. J.

I wanna hear more about your philosophy on booby trapping.

Nothing beats a good old-fashioned

pit of sharpened sticks.

Greg. Greg.

Yeah. Did you... Did you hear that?

Yes. That was hilarious.

Oh. That I'm the oldest of four?

Well, yeah, it was the way you said it.

I got to me.

Oh, then you're gonna love this.

I'm an only child.

Oh, you're a tough nut to crack, Gregory.

I was actually triplets,

but I absorbed my siblings in the womb,

and so my mom named me...

Are you, um... you feeling okay, buddy?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Okay.

He's really just gonna go sit next to her, okay.

Well, you did say they're on a date.

Yeah. I mean, of course, and, like, it... it doesn't...

Who cares? You know what I'm saying?

But, like, they must be dating for a while.

And it's weird that she wouldn't tell us, you know?

You know what? He must have been the one

who sent those flowers that were on her desk.

Of course. Look at his beard.

What does his beard have to do with anything?

That's a date beard.

What is a date beard?

I-I'm just saying he grows a really nice beard, you know?

And that's... that's the kind of beard

that you want to be on a date with.

Like, for example, Olivia. Hmm?

You would be so much more attracted to me

if I had that beard, right?

Oh, that's not really... Definitely.

Right.

I identified with the character's hyper-empathy.

You know, you talk a lot for a librarian.

I can barely hear what others are plotting.

And I don't even think it's even about the hentai anymore.

Why don't I go and get us some water?

And, uh, no need to pause while I'm gone.

Heads up... we got a missionary coming our way from Bible-town.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

I'm just grabbing some water for our group.

You're grabbing?

We don't take kindly to thieves around these parts.

Maybe you should try praying for some water.

M-Maybe we should all come back together as a...

I got the water! Hey, what'd she do?

Good distraction.

Not what I was going for at all.

I know. You're lucky I'm such a brave leader.

Now check me for wounds.

I got Danny Wok's for... Phoebe Morton?

Oh, that's me.

It's my wife's credit card, and boy, does she love to remind me.

Well, looks like

the Good Lord delivered once again.

Is that "Parable of the Sower"?

I read that book.

Well, how would you like to join an alliance of

independent barbarians scouring the wasteland for resources?

Hmm. Absolutely.

I've been trying to get fired all week.

Barbara: Let's see what's in the bag.

Oh!

Olivia, I'm sorry.

I've been distracted, and that's rude.

But have you ever bumped into somebody

that you just didn't expect to see?

Actually, yeah.

Uh, I responded to a call at my piano teacher's...

Is that... Is that Tariq and Erika?

Is she on double date with her ex?

So you just know everyone at this bar, then?

Jacob, is Tariq dating Erika?

I think he's still dating Nick's mom.

Uh, hello. Can I be a part of this convo?

Um, yes, I'm sorry. So sorry.

You were saying something about, uh,

your piano teacher and a call, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, I'm going up the stairs, and I'm looking around,

and I realize the guy looks so familiar.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey... Janine.

Gregory?

And is that Manny?

Manny: Come on. That's crazy. How are you?

I'm good, bro. How are you doing, Gregory Eddie?

I'm...

Good. I'm gonna... Be right back.

No. No. I'll be right back.

What's up? Gregory Eddie, what's up, man?

Yeah, yeah. It's good to see you.

Hey, Gregory. What's up? Are you... Hey.

Are you on a double date with Jacob?

Yeah. Yeah, me and Jake are on a... on a double date.

I dunno know about y'all, though.

Did you just call him Jake? I'm sorry.

I did. I did. Yeah. I did. Oh. Okay.

But how we doing here? H-How's... How's the date going?

Yo, Talent Manager. What's up?

Hey, uh, remember that time you screamed,

and then everybody looked at you?

Yeah. You're a wild card, dude.

Pretty normal card.

That girl you're with is cute.

Who? O-Olivia? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's cool. She's great.

She's, um, a hero, actually. She's an EMT. Oh.

Nice. But isn't it crazy that we're all here

at Rubensteins tonight just dating it up, everybody?

You here. You here. I'm here. We all here.

We dating. Erika: Well...

Uh, no, not me. My lady's at the house.

She taking in a Redbox right now,

a.k.a. a case of Merlot. Mm. Right.

I'm here on official PTA president business,

meeting with Manny on the district's tab.

No, no, no. The district's not paying for these drinks.

Oh, well, someone with the last name District bought these.

Wait. I know you didn't think I was on a date with Tariq?

Oh, so only the people on the right side of the booth are dating?

No, Greg, none of us are on dates.

Nobody here is on a date, so...

Oh, but you all are dressed so well.

We do look good. I'll give you that.

Erika and I are going out to the hookah bar after this, so...

Ah, okay. So why are you here with Manny?

We were just tying up some loose ends at the district

really quickly... Right, right.

and Rubensteins is the only place

you can take your laptop out after 5:00.

Hey-oh. Oh, okay.

I'm don't see a laptop, but, uh,

you got up and you moved to the other side, so...

Oh, you have been here a while. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Well, Manny was just showing me a text thread

between him and the superintendent. Mm.

He keeps responding to all my texts with Nelson Mandela GIFs,

and I think it's fascinating.

Fascinating. So fascinating.

I want to know so much about that.

But then you popped that mint and...

Because we were eating garlic bread,

and I didn't want to be bothering Miss Teagues. Yeah.

So, it's actually pretty delicious, if you want some.

But your beard.

Crumbs are inevitable, man.

Damn, Gregory! Any more questions?

Rubensteins going off on a Thursday!

What's up, Brunchy Bunchers?!

Oh!

Together: Eat it up!

Jake, um, so nobody here is on a date.

None of them are dating.

Which is what you were trying to tell me,

and I should have listened. Right, right.

Oh, oh, the, um...

We gotta... The... Yep. Yeah. Okay.

Our, uh, table next door is ready.

Um, but this was really great. We should do this again.

Do what exactly? All right. Have a good night.

Uh, all right, well, now that that's done,

Manny, what is the difference between a BCC and a CC?

And if somebody BCCs me, who can CC that?

Are you ready to go? I am.

Okay. Let's...

Y'all just marinate on that, okay?

Ava, you can't scarf those wings all yourself.

You're supposed to share.

Mm-hmm. And why did you give her the food?

Well, she told me she'd give me a raise.

And you bought that?

Oh, so now I'm only supposed to believe women some of the time?

Ooh. It is this behavior

why we would never let you lead us in a crisis.

Nobody lets me do anything.

Yet, here I am, doing things.

That's why I'm a leader.

Now, who will bend the knee and kiss the wing?

What... Have some self-respect! What is wrong with you, son?

Ava, we are not your TikTok followers.

We are all alphas. Well, most of us.

What? I'm an alpha. Woof-woof.

You know, I shouldn't have trusted my food

to any of yo use anyway. I'm gonna order my own.

We closed a half hour ago.

Wh... Why are you still here?

Because we closed a half hour ago.

He's an integral part of my splinter community.

All right, all right. This has gotten really weird.

I can't believe it's 8:00 already.

I was supposed to pick my kids up at 7:00.

I've been thinking of "Grapes of Wrath."

I ain't read this.

This is not how book clubs are supposed to go.

We were supposed to be creating community

around the shared love of literature.

And instead, we just picked sides

and refused to see each other's point of view.

Hmm. You know something?

I'm starting to see Ms. Inez's point of view very clearly.

I'm leaving.

Yeah, and for the first time tonight, Barb, I'm with ya.

Come on.

Well, well, well.

At least you all can recognize

that I'm the only one tough enough

and smart enough to lead in the end times.

Followers always give up.

Now, follow the other losers outta here.

Oh, do you feel that, Barb?

Oh, I sure do.

Yeah, that feels just like I got a second wind.

Oh, with such rich text,

I could talk about this book forever.

Fine by me. This is your simulation.

I'm just living in it.

Hmm.

Now, where were we?

All right, our tab's all closed up.

Perfect, because our table is ready.

Well, it was ready 30 minutes ago,

and I think they gave it away.

But that means we missed the rush,

so we can just go put our names back on the list.

Actually, I-I don't know if your friend is on a date,

but you're not.

I have to go.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Um, look, I'm sorry.

Maybe I can still see you around some time?

Maybe.

If you're in, like, a serious accident.

Hey, um, sorry tonight got a little weird.

Oh, no. This is the best date I've ever been on.

Your friend is so messy.

Yeah.

Oh, no. Hell no. What are y'all doing here?

Ooh, ooh! Why does it stink?

W-Where am I? What day is it?

It's Friday, which means you are all cleaning this up.

The kids will be in here soon.

Okay, fine, but before we go, I think we can all agree...

That I am the leader

that will best protect us during the end times.

We agree on nothing!

Hold up. "Parable of the Sower"?

Uh-huh. Well, you missed the point.

The protagonist... she does not want to rule over her followers.

She wants them to see the counter intuitive truth

that the only path to actual survival is diversity.

But I'm not here to talk about.

Afrofuturist speculative fiction.

I'm here to heat up cinnamon buns.

Now, get the hell out.

Okay. All right.

All right. My back.

Y'all just gonna leave all this trash?

Gregory, Gregory, Gregory.

You sneaky little...

Hey, guys! Gregory: Hey!

Crazy running into you last night.

Three tipsy teachers tearing up the town.

Say that three times fast.

Three tipsy teachers towning up... Dang it.

Almost.

You and Erika have a good time?

I did. I did.

And let me tell you what, there is no pre-game

like closing out your old district e-mail account.

By the way, it is so funny that you thought

Manny and I were on a date.

Yeah, it was hilarious.

So, so funny. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, well, anyway,

I've got to go clean off my desk.

The old flowers from the district have wilted.

But, um, could I grab some from your garden?

Yeah. Please.

Okay. Thanks.

Mm-hmm.

I know. Do you know?

I know.

So, what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

Fix your face. Sorry.

Janine: Morning.

Barbara and Melissa: Morning.

Oh, Gregory. A jade roller is usually

made out of jade and is a roller.

Oh, this.

I'm just touching up my new beard.

Me and Jacob decided to grow 'em out over spring break.

Oh, yes.

Yep. That is a... That's a beard.

Melissa: If you were in my second-grade class,

you'd have the eighth-best beard.

Yeah, Gregory, is this beard in the room

with us right now?

All right, look, y'all, growing a beard is not a sprint.

Mm-hmm. It's a marathon.

Yeah, but you can finish a marathon, sweetheart.

Freeway got the hood on smash! Oh, no.

Gregory, what the hell?

I thought we were doing this together.

I forgot.

Delicious.

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