Original subtitles

- ♪

Downloaded from YTS.MX

- MALE SINGER: ♪ MTV ♪

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

- [alarm bells ringing]

- [horn blaring]

- [ringing continues]

- Come on! That boat's, like, a light year away!

- [boat horn blaring]

- At some point, I'm gonna start taking this personally!

You can't just ignore me, Raymond! I'm not your wife!

Asshole.

- [Little Richard singing "Get Down With It"]

♪ Well, all right ♪

♪ Well, all right, everybody ♪

- [bicycle bell ringing]

- [people cheering]

- ♪ Let your hair down ♪

- Aren't you supposed to get somebody

to ride that with you?

- ♪ If you got on a wig like some people think I got on ♪

♪ And this is my own beautiful hair, ♪

♪ What to do with it, fellas ♪

- CROWD: Take it off!

- ♪ I said and get down on with it ♪

♪ Do the jazz ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ Wanna watch everybody work ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Come on, baby, yeah ♪

♪ Wanna see everybody do the jerk ♪

♪ Oh, come on, baby ♪

♪ It's been a long, long time ♪

♪ I said come on, baby ♪

♪ Wanna watch everybody move around, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I said, come on, baby ♪

♪ I'm gonna watch everybody move around ♪

♪ Want everybody in the house to raise both your hands ♪

♪ Everybody raise both your hands ♪

♪ I said stomp your feet, everybody ♪

♪

♪ Stomp your feet ♪

♪ Now let's get with my little beat ♪

♪ Everybody stomp your feet, oh ♪

♪ Now get this Little Richard's beat ♪

♪ Oh, one more time ♪

♪ I'm singin' one more time ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, woo ♪

♪ My, my, my, my, hey, yeah ♪

♪ Singin' one more time ♪

♪ I'm dancin' one more time ♪

♪ Oh, yes, all right ♪

♪ I'm singin' it's all right ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ My, my, my, my, hey ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ My, my, my, my, my ♪

♪ Oh, it's all right ♪

♪ I'm singin' it's all right ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ My, my, my, my ♪

♪♪

- [crowd applause]

- BOY: Just these.

Oh!

These too.

- Those don't always work, you know.

- Okay.

- GIRL: Oh, babe, but I like bubble gum.

- "But I like bubble gum."

The condoms. Talking about the condoms.

First, you two get handsy in the back of his mom's Jetta.

You say some cheesy line about how hot she is.

She massages her nipples.

And then after warming up his stick shift with

the Cabbage Patch lip gloss,

you would gently slip on a Trojan,

the mightiest of soldiers, and you think,

"Great, now I'm not gonna get pregnant."

But you're wrong, Hannah Montana.

Maybe there's no baby, but sure enough, the condom rips,

and you get chlamydia--

God's punishment for the sexually-active.

You gotta get a shot from your judgmental pediatrician

who still wears Mickey Mouse ties.

You better hope that's all you get,

because, worse-case scenario, you're pregnant and dead,

all because he stuck his dick in some SAT tutor

before he shoved it in you.

- [gasps]

- That's gonna be $7.50.

- ♪

♪

- You look like shit.

- Say that about my grandson again,

and you'll pay for it later.

- Oh, yeah? Well, you look like shit. Come here.

- I am begging you guys to stop.

- Oh!

- Also, Janine is relentless.

- Put that damn duck in the drawer

with the rest of 'em, will you?

Okay?

- CALEB: Yeah.

- Your graduation is tomorrow.

- Oh my god, it is? - VALERIE: Yeah,

and I think that it'd be very nice if you went.

- Yeah, but then I'd miss the "Golden Girls" marathon.

- Has it ever occurred to you that we might want to go

and celebrate your accomplishments,

however mediocre they might be?

- No one's stopping you, Benny. Enjoy it.

- And try and get some sleep!

You really do look like shit.

- Thank you.

- ♪

- [quiet sobbing]

- WOMAN: Caleb Cohn? - Yeah.

- [door creaking]

- DR. DIAZ: Good morning.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Cohn.

I'm Dr. Diaz. So, what are we doing today?

Uh, an STD check?

- Yeah, that's kind of why I'm here.

I just wanna, like, test the shit out of me

so all this can be over.

The condom broke.

Yeah, apparently it was expired like a fucking avocado.

- When did that happen? - Last Thursday night.

I went to this new biker bar called The Ram Rod.

Met this Slavic guy

who knew every single Best Actress winner since 1962,

so I had sex with him.

- Okay. [chuckling]

- He sent me a message last night.

"Ahoj, Caleb.

"I tested HIV-positive Monday.

"Swear I not know.

"I'm sure you make joke on this I no understand, bye.

Zander."

- Well, you've come to the right place.

We'll test you for all STDs and have your HIV baseline today.

Then you can make appointments to the front desk

to come back for your HIV re-checks.

- No, no need to re-check.

I am officially celibate until death.

- Right.

Look, today's test won't determine whether

you contracted the virus from this exposure.

The test looks for HIV antibodies,

and they take time to develop.

In the meantime,

I run a support group twice a week.

We'd be happy to have you.

- Yeah, but, like, I don't even know if I have it.

- Well, it's not only for people who are positive.

This is sort of a any queer person who wants to talk

and eat free cookies kind of group,

so it's for people in your position, too.

- Okay, and, um, typically how long

does somebody in my position have to wait

to know if they have it for sure?

- ♪

- [Le Tigre singing "Deceptacon"]

♪ Who took the bomp ♪

♪

♪ Every day and night ♪

♪ Every day and night ♪

♪ Wanna disco, wanna see me disco ♪

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ You got you been asking for ♪

♪ You're so policy-free and your fantasy wheels ♪

♪ And everything you feel is alright ♪

♪ Alright, alright, alright ♪

♪ Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp ♪

♪ Who too the ram from the ramalamdingdong ♪

- DARA: 'Bout time, bitch.

- I'm sorry. What'd I miss?

- Fuck if I know.

Fell asleep when Chloe dedicated her diploma

to Jesus and Jeb Bush.

- Gross.

- MAN: Kristy Quinlon. - [crowd applauding]

- CALEB: Did they make it to the Vs?

- Who cares if Dom has walked yet? It's over.

- All I ever wanted was a boy to dry hump me

in the back of his dad's Prius, and now that dream is dead.

- You're so dramatic. - I'm in mourning.

- You're always mourning something.

- First of all, rude.

Second of all, it's different.

It's Dom.

- MAN: Sarah Stein.

- DARA: Made these for you.

- Oh, so Suzanne didn't want them?

- I don't know why she keeps rejecting my quiche.

- You know, it could be because she's our boss?

- Didn't stop her from eating it last summer.

[laughing] Look, I know this is hard,

but you gotta look at the upside.

Now you get to sit on a new face, a better face.

- MAN: Andy Terasaki.

- Maybe I already did. - Of course you already did!

Who's the guy?

- His name was Zander.

He didn't speak a word of English,

he was part Slav, part, like, horse.

- Was?

- Yeah, he to fly back to Belgrade a couple days ago.

He sent me a message.

- MAN: Dom Valdez.

- [camera shutter clicking]

[camera shutter clicking]

- MAN: Sarah Valdez.

- Caleb.

You're gonna be okay.

- Am I?

- People live with this shit forever now.

- Kinda feel like I live with enough shit already.

- Did you tell your grandma?

- Why scare a woman who's already lost her only son

when I can just, like, quietly die alone on the inside?

- MAN: And now once again, class valedictorian Chloe Smith.

- ♪

- CHLOE: Congrats, class of 2011.

We did it!

- [bell ringing]

- Hey.

So I spent the last couple of days looking at...AIDS stuff.

- Jesus, fuck, Dara!

- Did your doctor tell you about PEP?

- He did not.

- Well, it's this thing that you take right after

you've been exposed, and it can help get rid of AIDS.

- Okay, but this says you can only take it

up to three days after having sex.

It's been, like, a week. - Isn't it work asking about?

- [phone ringing]

- MAN: Pride Center.

- Yeah, hi, I'm looking for Dr. Diaz.

- MAN: Oh, he's not available right now.

- Please, it's a super-quick life-or-death question.

- MAN: If this is a medical emergency,

please hang up and dial 911.

- I can't, they hate me over there.

- MAN: He's upstairs at his group meeting

if you want to come by. - [phone beeps]

- I gotta leave early. - Okay.

- [bell ringing] - Uhhh, ah.

Sorry I'm late.

I got stuck with the principal!

Riley won't stop drawing boobs on his homework.

He's obsessed.

I don't know where he gets this from.

- [scoffs]

- Caleb, can you help me replace the slushee machine?

It's so heavy.

- I can do it.

I've been lifting.

- [chuckling] Okay.

- Go! Go, you have to!

- ♪

- [indistinct chatter]

- CALEB: Hi. - You came.

- What is PEP?

And how can I get on it, like, right now?

- Why don't we grab a coffee?

It's only effective within three days of exposure.

- And why did you not tell me about that before?

- Because I didn't want to tell you about something

you couldn't use.

- It's been, like, a week. - Caleb.

- Maybe it'll still work. Can we just, like--

Can we just, like, try, please?

- Listen, I want you to stay for group tonight.

You haven't lived until you've tried

one of Lisha's donuts, so do yourself a favor.

Oh, and we go to karaoke after.

All right, guys, let's bring it in.

Welcome to "The Young and The Sexless."

Jim, you're up.

- JIM: [laughing]

Hi, I'm Jim, and I'm married to Dr. Oz.

Well, I've been positive--

[muffled voice]

- I saw that.

- Would you like a prize?

- Not if it's one of those donuts.

- JIM: --their lives and their sex lives

aren't over after diagnosis.

Anywho, once we found out,

we did all the right things

to ensure that Adrian was protected.

Undetectable means untransmittable.

Both, uh, true fact

and the title of my upcoming memoir.

- [laughing]

- How about you?

You care to share?

- Okay, um, well, I'm Caleb.

I, um--I'm here because a condom broke.

The guy had HIV, and now I'm waiting to find out

if I do, too. Oldest story in--

- [bag popping]

- CALEB: --book or something.

Uh, I'm supposed to go to Parsons,

but their tuition costs as much as

a small chain of islands, so, we'll see.

Oh, and I work at the mini-mart on 72nd,

so, slushee discounts all around.

- That's great.

Thank you, Caleb.

And Estha?

- Hi. Um, my name's Estha,

and, uh, I'm also waiting.

- ♪

- ♪ All through the night ♪

♪ Stray cat is crying ♪

♪ So stray cat sings back ♪

♪ All through the night ♪

♪ They have forgotten what by day they lack ♪

♪ Under those white street lamps ♪

♪ There is a little chance ♪

- Hey, it's Estha, right?

I brought you a karaoke book.

I don't know if you already have one,

but I thought you might need one if you wanted to sing?

- I don't do karaoke, I'm tone-deaf.

- If only that stopped everyone, right?

- ♪ And once we start, the meter clicks ♪

♪ And it goes running ♪

- Maybe you should sing something.

- Oh, no, no.

No, the last time I did karaoke,

I totally butchered my favorite Bowie song,

and I still feel the shame.

- Who's that?

- Bowie.

Like, David Bowie. Like, Ziggy Stardust.

Kinda looks like a man, kinda looks like an alien,

kinda looks like something

you'd want to avoid in a dark basement.

- Nope.

- Do you live under a rock or something?

- No, I'm from India.

- Plenty of rocks in India.

- Sorry?

- Okay, well, what would you sing

if you had to sing something?

- Out of American music?

- Sure.

- Probably Taylor Swift.

- [chuckling]

Oh my god, you're serious.

- What? Sometimes I feel like she steals my journal

and writes about my life.

- Is her next crossover hit gonna be called,

"This Is What I Get For Riding Bareback?"

- ♪

- Let's hope not.

[laughing]

- JIM: ♪ Until it ends ♪

♪ There is no end ♪♪

- CALEB: It was cool to meet you.

- ESTHA: It's good to meet you too.

- Did you, um--did you drive here?

- No, I, uh, took the bus.

I have to, uh, ask my parents' permission

to use their car specifically for my friends.

- Yeah, yeah, I haven't told my grandma either.

- It's just easier since they don't know about

the whole gay thing.

- Do you want a ride?

I have a tandem bike.

That means two people can--

- I know what a tandem bike is.

- You didn't know Bowie, so, like, I didn't want to assume.

- I, uh--I live a couple miles away.

- That's okay. Uh, you can help me pedal.

- Okay.

- Cool. Um, I parked in this creepy side alley.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna murder you.

- You say very strange things.

- I get that a lot.

- ♪

- How's it going back there?

- I'm afraid you're gonna crash.

- It's my dad's bike. I can ride with my eyes closed.

- Yeah, I really rather you didn't.

- Noted.

So when did you start going to those meetings?

- About three weeks ago.

It's nice to talk to people, so--

Watch out for the pothole.

- Sure.

Well, how'd you get into this mess in the first place?

- Last year my parents started introducing me

to their friends' daughters, and every time I say no,

there'd be another one waiting.

- Assembly line dating?

Yeah, my mom did the exact same thing.

- Is she conservative?

- Oh, she's Jewish.

Orthodox Jewish.

Yeah, mentally and emotionally, she's stuck in a shtetl in 1805.

- ESTHA: You can stop here.

- [bike brakes creaking]

- So this is you, huh?

It's cool. You got a great lawn. Says a lot about a person.

Hmm, look at those really nice bushes.

Perfectly trimmed, A-plus.

- Actually, I live down the street,

but I'll just walk.

- Do I give off, like,

a serial killer vibe or something?

- No, but my dad stays up late, and I didn't want him seeing

a white boy drop me off on a gay two-man bike.

Might raise some questions.

- Got it.

- You seem nervous.

- No, I get, uh,

a little too talkative around guys sometimes.

It's, like, I ask a lot of questions.

It's the thing that I do that I might be working on.

- I meant about what's happening.

The waiting.

- Um, yeah.

Yeah, sleeping's hard.

That was very embarrassing, by the way, when I implied that

I get nervous around you for being a guy.

- If you can't sleep, you can call me.

Sometimes I can't sleep either,

and, uh, don't really have anybody to talk to.

- ♪

- Are you writing your number on a Subway coupon?

You can type it in my phone.

- ♪

- Are you going to the next meeting?

- Shh.

- [whispers] Should I take that as a yes?

- [bell ringing]

- WOMAN: This is the true story--

- MAN: True story--

- WOMAN: Of seven strangers--

- [man laughing]

- MAN: Picked to live in a house--

- WOMAN: And have their lives taped--

- MAN: Oh, Lucy, I'm home.

- MAN: To find out what happens--

- MAN: When people stop being polite--

- MAN: And start getting real.

- MAN: "The Real World: San Francisco."

- PEDRO: I used to go around to schools

and I speak about HIV and AIDS.

I'm HIV-positive.

- CORY: When Pedro told me he was HIV-positive,

it was just, like, "No, not him."

I like this guy,

and I don't want him to have to suffer.

- [phone chiming]

- CORY: I had an incredible time talking to him on the train.

- PEDRO: Have you, uh, been in a relationship?

- CORY: The longest relationship I ever had is a year and a half.

- ♪

- CORY: And, I don't know. I don't think I've ever...

I don't really think I've ever been in love.

- PEDRO: I get very twisted, and, uh...

- ♪

- CORY: What did you do down there?

What did you do for a living?

- ♪

- PEDRO: --I'm still pretty uncertain about, you know,

meeting five people,

and I don't know how they going to feel about me

being HIV-positive.

- [phone ringing]

- PHONE: Look at your phone, bitch!

- [phone ringing]

- PHONE: Look at your phone, bitch!

- [phone ringing]

- PHONE: Look at your phone, bitch!

- [phone chiming]

- MAN: Hey, it's the Pride Center calling for Caleb Cohn.

Dr. Diaz would like you to stop by the clinic today.

Okay, thanks.

- VALERIE: Caleb, Dara's waiting for you!

- Oh, the Orion Condominium.

Hmm, it's got a kosher deli in the lobby.

- Mm-hmm.

- BENNY: But 25% off on Thursdays for the residents.

- And you want me to turn in my home for a coupon?

- I would. Their noodle kugel is next level.

The food here is good, too.

- BENNY: See? There he is! Hey, tell me something.

Which one would you choose

for your grandmother to live in with me?

- Um-- - Don't distract him.

He's got enough on his mind without worrying about

what nursing home we should die in.

- Well, technically, it's not a nursing home.

It's a luxury condominium.

I promise I'll stop talking now.

- Okay, as lovely as this has been,

um, we should go.

- You should have some coffee before you leave

because you look exhausted.

- These compliments so early. Thank you.

- Thanks for the fish!

- Does he seem different to you?

- When does he not seem different?

- ♪

- We're gonna be late for work. - Oh, I'm not going to work.

- What? - Yeah.

I am truly devastated to report

that I have to go back to the clinic.

- Again? Why?

- I don't know, so, naturally, I'm assuming the worst.

- All right, well,

I guess I'll do inventory by myself then.

- CALEB: You're the messiah! Owe you forever, love you, bye!

- ♪

- [knocking on door]

- Am I gonna die?

- Do you have any plans to kill yourself?

- Not at the moment.

- DR. DIAZ: Then you're not gonna die.

I will not let the anal gonorrhea take you down.

- The fuck? Is that worse than normal gonorrhea?

- No, it's just on the anus.

- You mean my butt? - I'm a doctor, I mean anus.

- Okay, but I don't have any symptoms.

- Any soreness?

- I guess, but I just thought was from,

like, getting railed.

- We'll take care of the infection today.

But you should know that the presence of gonorrhea

can help the contraction of HIV.

Are you allergic to any medications, like penicillin?

- I don't think so.

- DR. DIAZ: All right.

Now, hop off the table and bend over.

- Story of my life.

So this should take care of it?

- Yep, penicillin is great.

Alexander Fleming discovered it in the '20s.

- Good for her.

- DR. DIAZ: He left his lab a mess over the weekend.

When he got back, a weird fungus had grown in a petri dish.

From that fungus, we have penicillin.

- Sounds disgusting.

- Yeah, but it's amazing

what you can discover after life gets fucked up.

- ♪

♪

- [bell ringing]

- ♪

- Dara?

- ♪

- Are you out back?

- ♪

- You will not believe the size of the--

- [Suzanne screaming]

- [Dara screaming] - [screaming]

- SUZANNE: Pull up your pants! - DARA: I'm trying!

- SUZANNE: Try harder! - DARA: I'm trying harder!

Stop yelling at me!

- ♪

- Hi. Do you wanna know the craziest thing about doors?

You can lock them.

- Fuck, man, she's so mad.

If anyone asks, you didn't see anything.

- I am literally trying to unsee that as we speak.

I thought she didn't want to eat your quiche.

- Oh, remember when I covered for you?

We got to talking, and things started to happen,

and it was like--

- It is bad enough that I'm responsible for my own mistakes.

Do not make me responsible for yours, too.

- Caleb?

Uh...

- You're not gonna say anything.

You saw nothing.

No, promise me.

Caleb, say it!

Say it!

Promise me!

- ♪

- You rang?

- Sit.

Um, look, I'm having such a shitty week, okay?

Henry still hasn't found a job,

I'm doing double duty with the fucking kids at home.

My dog got scabies again at the dog park.

My mother-in-law is visiting.

I--

I'm really not happy.

- You looked pretty happy a couple minutes ago.

- You know what? - What?

- I don't like your tone. - CALEB: Mm-hmm.

- And I really don't like seeing security camera footage of you

fucking around and leaving early.

I'm trying to run a business--

a profitable, respectable business!

- You're right, this is a mini-mart.

It's very serious. We sell, what, 10 types of Funyuns

and, like, a pickle in a sack?

- You know what, don't fucking test me!

I could fire you!

- Okay, Suzanne, I can't lose this job.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

I need the minimum wage that you pay me.

- Really?

- Yeah, so, it won't happen again, I swear.

- I'm sorry?

- It won't happen again, I swear.

- Fine.

- Cool.

- Can we also just agree that

what happens in here stays in here?

- Do you mean what happened here and, like, here,

and, like, here?

- Yeah, all of it, and over there, right.

- Mm-hmm, yeah, no.

Secret's safe with me.

- You promise? - Sure.

Can I leave now? - Please.

- Thanks.

Oh.

You could be a little nicer to her, you know?

- So could you.

- You're off by two cents.

- DARA: Go.

Just go.

Well? - I can't believe you like her.

She's, like, at least five kinds of evil?

- Does she hate me?

- Hating you is statistically possible,

and I have the math to prove it.

- Yeah, you failed math. Twice.

- This is a different type of math.

This is gay math.

- Oh, some kid came in looking for you?

He bought kettle corn. I think he's still outside.

Are you hooking up with him?

- Gonna be right back.

- [bell ringing]

- You do know that popcorn isn't the only food group, right?

- Jim's having a cabaret show tomorrow.

Do you wanna go?

- It depends.

Are you asking me out?

- Depends what you'd say.

- Maybe? - Then maybe.

- I don't get off until eight.

- ESTHA: Show starts at nine.

- So just pick you up from here? - I'll meet you there.

- Okay, cool.

- Is she your friend?

- Yeah, she's kind of my only one.

- I figured.

- How?

- You both say very strange things.

- MALE SINGER: ♪ Going toe to toe ♪

♪ Under the neon lights ♪

♪ We're gonna-- ♪

- ♪

- Do you feel like closing early tonight?

- ♪

- [rock music plays from headphones]

- Dara!

Dara!

- [rock music playing]

♪ Teach me the lies, teach me to win ♪

- Whoa!

- Wow, a vicious read.

Make it up to me with a close party.

- I'm not feeling so hot right now.

- That sounds like a perfect excuse

to shut this place down and get absolutely blasted.

- There's only 15 minutes left. We should at least wait.

- You're right, we should.

- [Scissor Sisters singing "Any Which Way"]

- [both imitating water gurgling]

- ♪ I don't need a doctor ♪

♪ Just a simple look or garter ♪

♪ To slide to my side so civilly ♪

♪ No talk of commitment ♪

♪ When I receive a shipment ♪

♪ Oh, I need express delivery ♪

♪ Any which way, any which way ♪

♪ You better take me any which way you can ♪

♪ Any which way, any which way ♪

♪ You better take me any which way you can ♪

- [Caleb groaning] - [Dara laughing]

- ♪ You know, baby ♪

♪ When I was taking my pantyhose out of their egg this evening ♪

♪ I thought, I'm gonna find that man that has ♪

♪ The right shade of bottled tan ♪

♪ A man that smells like cocoa butter and cash ♪

♪ Take me anyway you like it ♪

♪ In front of the fireplace ♪

♪ In front of your yacht ♪

♪ In front of my parents ♪

♪ I don't give a damn, baby, just take me ♪

♪ Any which way, any which way ♪

♪ Any which way you can ♪

♪ Any which way, any which way ♪

♪ Any which way you can ♪

♪ Any which way, any which way ♪

♪ Any which way you can ♪

♪ Any which way, any which way you can ♪♪

- [vomiting]

- [Caleb belching]

- [Dara mumbling]

What's wrong?

Are you gonna vomit too?

- Mm-mm.

- Okay. - Maybe.

You think we'll ever find other people to do this with?

- Why do we need other people?

- No, like--

like a boyfriend or a girlfriend or maybe somebody in-between.

Like, somebody who wants to do dumb shit

who also wants to make out.

- Oh. - Mm.

- Yeah.

For sure.

- What if that's harder for me now?

- It won't be.

- Yeah, but what if it is?

- No.

It won't be.

And until then, you got me, bitch.

- PEDRO: Everything about my life is uncertain.

I'm totally stressed out because of my health,

and I'm totally stressed out because of work,

and I don't know what I want to do.

- Just call me and tell me.

That's the only thing I've ever asked for.

- ♪

- Hey, Caleb?

Can I run something by you?

- Totally.

- VALERIE: Okay, how's this sound?

"When I first started teaching here back in the late 1800s"...

Pause for laughs.

"The only gender studies course was worth half a credit

and met in what is now the woman's bathroom."

- Okay, Joan Rivers,

is this a guest lecture or an HBO special?

Grandma?

You good?

- Yeah, yeah, less Joan Rivers, got it.

Thanks a lot, honey.

- [phone buzzing]

- PHONE: Look at your phone, bitch!

- ♪

- JIM: And when a hot redhead walks down the street,

do you also imagine God knocking over

a bottle of Sriracha?

- [audience laughing]

- JIM: Well, I think it's time for a song.

This is a special request from an audience member

in the third row.

Everyone wave hi to Estha!

- [audience applauding]

- ♪

♪ Ground control to Major Tom ♪

♪

♪ Ground control to Major Tom ♪

♪

♪ Take your protein pills and put your helmet on ♪

♪

- Can you earn a living from taking photographs?

Isn't very practical.

- Practicality is very 2010.

I was gonna go to college in New York,

take a bunch of photos, overdose on ramen.

How about you? Where you going next year?

- Georgia Tech.

- Atlanta.

Fancy.

You're excited?

- It's hard to think of anything past this summer.

- Do you ever, like, wonder what you would do

if the test came back-- - No.

I try not to.

- Yeah, uh, me either.

I mean, I know you're supposed to be fine

if you take all the shit you're supposed to.

At this point, you'd have worse luck with cancer, but, like...

Still kinda wish it was something else.

Like, anything else.

- You'd rather have cancer?

- I don't know about that, but, um...

Yeah, I just--at least then I wouldn't feel like it was--

- ESTHA: Your fault.

- Anyways, are you, um-- are you gonna go to sleep

when you get home, or-- - Am I going home?

Are we gonna get in trouble?

- It's always a possibility.

- Is this your temple?

- CALEB: Yeah, it used to be.

- What happened?

- Um, the artist formerly known as my mother married the rabbi,

and they're assholes, so I stopped going.

- You really shouldn't talk about her like that.

She's still your mom.

- CALEB: Yeah, but, like,

moms aren't supposed to forget to pick you up

from band practice right after your dad died

'cause she's too busy trying to find a new husband.

Moms aren't supposed to make you move in

with your grandma because your big old gay lifestyle

doesn't sit too well with the rabbi's mezuzah.

Moms aren't supposed to treat you

like a total and complete stranger.

- What's a mezuzah?

- It's like this thing you nail to your house.

It's got the Bible in it.

Come on, this jungle gym is gonna blow your mind.

- ♪

- I lost two teeth falling off of this jungle gym.

Tooth fairy was supposed to give me 20 bucks.

Instead, I got two carrots and a pack of Chiclets.

- That's upsetting? - No, it was pretty funny.

My dad did dumb shit like that all the time.

Um, I had my first kiss under this bridge

with Jordan Stein.

Jordan smelled like applesauce. Needless to say, I was smitten.

- What happened to him? - Jordan was a girl.

- I meant your dad.

- Oh.

Um, he had a heart attack.

I once peed down this slide.

Okay, I'm lying. I peed down this slide a lot.

- That must've been hard.

- No, I've got awesome pee aim.

- I was talking about your dad.

- I know.

- When did he, uh-- - [thunder booming]

- We should take cover. I think it's gonna rain.

- [rain piddling]

- I think I'm sitting on a spider.

- It's a playground rite of passage.

I think you're gonna be fine.

- I can't believe this is outside the place

where you pray.

- Yep, there's a sanctuary in there.

It's also a catering hall and a preschool.

We're nothing if not an economical people.

- Do you like being Jewish?

- It's a loaded question.

Um, leaning toward yes.

There's, like, six types of Jewish people,

and I wanna say two are pretty fierce.

Do you like being Hindu?

- Who said I was Hindu?

- Oh my god, I'm so sorry--

- I'm just kidding.

I'm Hindu.

- [chuckles]

- I, uh...

It's getting late.

- ♪

- BENNY: Where you going? - Work.

- Where you really going?

- I'm gonna go do some drugs, graffiti buildings,

TP the principal's house. - Caleb.

- Benny, could we not do this now, please?

- "The Young and The Sexless?"

- Where did you find that? - On the floor.

- I'm doing a photo project.

Gay men in crisis, the pos community, homeless youth,

those who can't dress for their body type.

- You're lying. - I'm not lying.

- Are you gonna tell her? Or am I?

- You know, this is actually none of your business.

- Excuse me?

- We both know that you only pretend

to give a shit about me because you have to...for her.

- Do you know me?

Have we met?

Now I've spent the last 15 years of my life

taking you out for sleepovers and band practice

and off the floor because your daddy died.

I could be buying pina coladas and the daiquiris,

some loose poker, but I decided to spend it on you,

because we do belong together.

If you don't tell her, I will, because you're just a kid.

You shouldn't do this alone.

- ♪

♪

♪

♪

- DR. DIAZ: Caleb?

What's new with you?

- Oh, I've been amazing.

Things have been looking up for me.

Um, my job is awesome.

I had a conversation with my boss.

We're gonna take things to the next level professionally.

I'm very excited about that.

Kinda Zen about the whole thing.

I think it's this new sleep regiment I'm on.

Also, I've been riding my bike everywhere,

so I'm like--like saving the planet

and engaging my core at the same time.

- DR. DIAZ: That's great, Caleb.

- ♪

- [repeated thunking]

- [door creaking]

- Did you just get here? - Unfortunately.

- Dude, I called you, like, twice this morning.

- Yeah, I woke up late. Suzanne here?

- No, she's with that penis.

- CALEB: Thank God.

- How are you?

- Alive.

I get test results tomorrow.

- Alright?

Wanna hang? Help take your mind off of it?

I'm supposed to work,

but it's not like anyone needs me here.

- I'm good, don't worry.

- I'm not worried,

I just thought you might want some company.

- I have plans.

- With who?

- A friend.

- What friend?

- ♪

- Wow, this place is definitely a...choice.

Where is everybody?

- We close down Monday for cleaning.

- We?

- You're not the only one with a job.

- ♪

- Everything you see can be yours for the next 42 minutes.

- You're full of surprises.

- I thought a little escape might help you calm down.

- Unless the rides are made of Xanax,

I don't think that's possible. - Can you just relax?

For me?

- [metal clanging]

- Welcome to the popcorn stand.

Would you like it sweet or salty?

- Every single question I've ever had about you

has just been answered.

- They say if you do what you love,

you never work a day in your life.

- Okay, but I'm almost positive

they didn't mean popping corn.

- That's where you're wrong. It's the best.

Back home, we used to go to

the American movie theater on Sundays.

I'd be excited to go all week.

They played the classics like "Breakfast at Tiffany's"

or "A Star is Born" or--

- Oh, which version? - There's more than one?

- Okay, I'm gonna pretend you're joking.

- It didn't matter what the movie was anyway.

It just would take me out of my head.

Anytime I felt depressed, I'd, uh, go back into my pockets

and take the leftover popcorn and eat it,

and I was back watching Holly Golightly and her cat.

- Now you can get out of your head whenever you want,

so maybe try eating a vegetable.

- I still like eating it. It helps me not be--

- Sad?

- Present.

What next?

- ♪ [Vampire Weekend singing "White Sky"]

- Go!

- ♪ An ancient business, a modern piece of glasswork ♪

♪ Down on the corner ♪

♪ That you walk each day in passing ♪

♪ The whole immortal corporation's ♪

♪ Given its permission ♪

- Tom?

Can you operate the drop for me and my--

me and my cousin?

- ♪ A little stairway, a little piece of carpet ♪

♪ A pair of mirrors that are facing one another ♪

♪ Out in both directions, a thousand little Julias ♪

♪ That come together in the middle of Manhattan ♪

♪ You waited since lunch ♪

♪ It all comes at once ♪

♪ Oh, oh, ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, ooh ♪♪

- Where are you going?

- TOM: It's stuck! Gotta call maintenance.

- [birds cawing]

- Are you all right?

- Yeah.

- [roller coaster creaking]

- ♪

- Dara?

Caleb tells me you're a great cook.

What do you like to make?

- Food.

[whispers] I make food.

- [door opening] - Thank God.

- Happy to see me? - What's the verdict?

- DR. DIAZ: Your 30-day antibody test came back negative.

- So far, so good, right?

- DR. DIAZ: So far.

I will see you back here on day 60 and day 90.

- Thanks for coming with me today.

- Duh. - Sure.

- Oh, shit, I never thought I'd need a third seat.

Let's take the bus. The bus is cool.

- No, it's chill. Um, I told Suzanne I'd help her out

at the store in an hour.

- Ew. You don't work today.

- I don't know. She asked if I wanted overtime, so--

- Okay, don't do anything I wouldn't do,

so don't do anything.

Hey.

Look, Benny, I know I've been a dick lately,

and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry.

It's, like, a lot for me, and I don't know how

I'm gonna tell her, but--

- VALERIE: Tell her what?

Well, somebody better say something.

Somebody, anybody,

before I burn this house to the ground.

What?

What's going on?

- Okay, okay, um...

Lately, I've been going through this thing.

I met a guy after Don dumped me and we, you know,

and the condom ripped and it turns out he has HIV.

But I don't know if I have it.

I don't think I have it.

I might not have it, you know, and I have to wait until

the end of summer to find out if I do.

And that's why I've been kind of a bitch lately.

Can you please say something?

- Why didn't you tell me sooner?

- I didn't want to freak you out after everything.

Benny tried to get me to tell you, but, like,

I couldn't.

- You could never freak me out, Caleb,

although you sure keep trying to.

- Well, it's just, like, I mean,

telling you just makes the whole thing feel real,

and I was just totally hoping it would be imaginary.

- The only thing that's real is this right here,

you and me, no?

Now give me a hug.

- Okay, I can't breathe. Grandma?

- VALERIE: If you ever hide

anything like this from me again,

you won't have to worry about getting sick

because I will throttle you with my bare hands,

you understand what I'm saying to you?

- Yes.

- VALERIE: Good.

- [phone ringing]

- [phone buzzing]

- [Kidz Bop Kids singing "DJ Got Us Falling In Love"]

♪ Kidz Bop ♪

♪ Yeah, man ♪

♪ So we back in the club ♪

- Hey. Everything okay?

- Yes. Why are we whispering?

- I'm at home.

- Oh, okay, cool.

- ESTHA: What's up?

- Um...

I told her.

- Told her what?

- My grandma. About everything.

- How did it go?

- Yeah, I mean, considering I felt that

the news might kill her, it was pretty okay.

- You're lucky. - Am I on speaker?

I can't hear you over the Kidz Bop.

- I said, okay, that's great.

I, uh--I can't talk now. I'll see you tonight.

- ♪

- Did you not want to tell me because

you knew it'd be even harder for me to sell this place?

- I know you're upset about Caleb.

- No, no, I'm not upset about Caleb!

I'm furious with you, asshole, for lying to me!

Caleb is fine. He's just--

He's going to be fine.

He's gonna be fine.

He's gonna be fine. He's--

He's gonna be fine.

[sobbing]

- DR. DIAZ: Caleb? You with us?

- Feels like all I do is worry her.

After my dad died,

she convinced herself that she's responsible for me,

and she feels guilty that I ended up here,

which makes me feel even guiltier than I already did.

Being Jewish is really hard, basically.

- You did the right thing.

It's good to have someone to talk to at home.

And, Estha? How are things going with you?

- Um, they've been better.

I, um...

I, um, find out soon,

and every hour feels like a day. I...

I still don't know what my dad will do if, uh--

I'm everything to them, the...

perfect son, the one they to talk to their friends about,

the salutatorian,

the one that they scram out to lunch every single Sunday.

They love the son I let them see.

But then there's this other part of me, right...

the part I keep hidden...

and I keep trying so hard to be perfect because

I think they'd hate that other part of me.

But if I do end up having this, I know I'll have to tell them.

I just don't wanna be here anymore.

I, uh--I'll go back.

I'd even go forward. It's here.

Here is where I'm having an issue, where I can't even

watch the TV with my parents without them thinking that

they know it's there, that they can smell it on me.

- DR. DIAZ: Smell what on you?

- Shame.

- ♪

♪

- [phone ringing]

- PHONE: Look at your phone, bitch!

- [phone ringing]

- Hi.

- Happy Fourth, fool.

Are we gonna stoned and watch "Spiders From Mars"

like last year? I can score some

environmentally-friendly fireworks.

- No, I can't, I'm sorry. There's something I have to do.

- DARA: You with that kid again? - His name is Estha.

- All right, whatever.

I gotta tell you something about Suzanne later, though.

- CALEB: Why? What happened?

- She said she loved me.

That she fucking loved me.

- SUZANNE: Sorry, somebody's gotta make a living

in this family right now!

- Yeah, that's why she asked me to work overtime.

After we hooked up,

she couldn't stop thinking about me. How sick is that?

- CALEB: Dara, I really gotta go, I'm sorry.

I'll call you back later. - Well--

- Are you ready to go?

- Where?

- ♪

- So these are the fireworks?

- Hey, it's the best I could do.

- ♪

- Ooh!

Big, scary, ooh!

- ♪

- FEMALE SINGER: ♪ Accidental lover ♪

♪ What'd you do with all my common sense ♪

♪

♪ You came in undercover ♪

♪ When I didn't even want a friend ♪

♪

♪ I'm tired of looking like I'm dying ♪

♪ I know I can find the silver lining ♪

♪ Like before ♪

♪

♪ Like before ♪

♪ And you got a funny sense of timing ♪

♪ Showed up on the night that I stopped trying ♪

♪ Something more ♪

♪ You're something more ♪

♪ And I'm like, oh, sweet, gotta think I'm in trouble ♪

♪ Kinda make you wonder ♪

♪ What it's like on the other side ♪

♪ And I'm like, baby ♪

♪ Kinda drive me crazy ♪

♪ I'm not one to save you ♪

♪ But I guess I will really try ♪

♪ Oh my, oh my ♪♪

- ESTHA: Thanks for kidnapping me.

- I'm a surprisingly good kidnapper.

Feel like I should be more alarmed by that.

- ESTHA: I live so close to the beach, but I never come.

- CALEB: Hm, congrats.

You're officially a true Floridian.

Come on, being from Florida isn't that bad.

It's gonna be okay, you know.

- You know it's not.

You know everything could change after tomorrow.

- Do you know who Pedro Zamora is?

- I don't know any of the people you talk about.

- Right.

Well, basically, there was, um, this TV show in the '90s

called "The Real World: San Francisco."

Seven complete strangers

move into a poorly-decorated brownstone

and annoy the shit out of each other.

Pedro is one of those people.

He was from here, actually.

He also was openly pos,

which was, like, brutal at the time.

And no matter how much his dumb roommate talked shit,

he still managed to be the smartest, funniest,

finest motherfucker in the room.

- Did he make it?

- No.

But we will.

- I don't want to live with something that makes

everyone in my life leave me.

- I won't leave you.

- ♪

♪

- Isn't your grandma gonna hear us?

- What, no, she can't hear anything.

Um, we can be quiet, though, just in case.

- [The Drums singing "Down By The Water"]

- ♪

♪ Everybody's gotta love someone ♪

- Should I?

- ♪

- If you feel like if you want to.

- ♪

- Caleb, this is bad. - What?

This is fucking awesome.

- Yeah, I know, but, we can't have sex.

- [sighs]

Define sex.

- ♪ We'll still be together ♪

♪ I know it's hard ♪

♪ I know it's hard ♪

♪ But I understand you... ♪

- What are you doing? - CALEB: Relax.

- ♪ If you fall asleep down by the water ♪

♪ Baby, I'll carry... ♪

- Oh, salty. - [Caleb chuckling]

- ♪

♪ If you fall asleep down by the water ♪

♪ Baby, I'll carry you all the way home ♪

♪

- Those are gonna be a bitch to clean tomorrow.

- Caleb.

What are gonna do about this?

- What?

- This.

- Um...

[moaning]

- ♪

- ESTHA: I feel like he's watching us.

- He is.

But it's nothing he hasn't seen before.

Your parents gonna wonder where you are?

- I don't care anymore.

- I'll come with you tomorrow if you want.

I'm pretty good company.

By that I mean I will bring drugs.

- I'd rather go alone.

Just don't know what I'll do if...

- You'll take the medication, and you'll be fine.

- I don't think I'll make it.

I think I'd just rather not be here.

- Don't say shit like that.

It's not something you joke about.

- Oh, you're one to talk.

- Have you ever lost anyone?

- No.

- Okay, well, with all due respect,

you have no idea what it's like.

Death is not, like, some freedom from sadness

or your parents or AIDS.

It's no more bike rides, it's no more movie nights,

it's no more board games. It's...

It's just nothing.

Don't leave the people who love you with nothing.

- If you love me, you won't love me anymore.

- I'll ask you not to speak for me. Thanks.

- [birds singing]

- ♪

- [bell ringing]

- Where's Suzanne?

- She left.

Yeah, something about a dog having worms,

or worms having a dog, I don't know. It sounded really gross.

- Where is she?

- Hm, I just told you, sir, she left. I mean, She's no longer--

- [Suzanne giggling] - --here.

- SUZANNE: Oh, oops, my bad!

- Um, that's for employees only back there.

- [Suzanne and Dara giggling]

- Move. - No.

- Move. - No! [groans]

- SUZANNE: Harry! - HARRY: What the fuck, Suzanne?

- SUZANNE: Look, Harry, it's not--just please calm down.

It's not what you think. She was helping me--

- Helping you what? Find your tits?

- Yeah, I was helping her find my tits! No, I, we were--

- She's a kid! - SUZANNE: She's not a kid!

- Actually, I'm 18. - She's 18!

She's not a kid!

- HARRY: What am I gonna tell Riley?

- SUZANNE: Riley? Why do you have to tell Riley anything?

This is between you and me! This is nothing!

Okay, it's nothing.

It's really just a stupid, big fat nothing! There's nothing.

- Ah, uh, we're--

We're done.

- Henry.

I'm sorry, I--

Henry!

Come back!

- [bell ringing]

- Hoo!

That was fucking crazy.

- Yeah.

She left.

Can't believe she left.

- Dude, her fucking husband

just almost Scott Petersoned me. Are you okay?

- Oh, so now you give a shit about my life?

Because it's suddenly dramatic enough for you?

- What the fuck is your problem?

- My problem? - Yeah.

- Caleb, what the hell is your problem?

Banging weird dudes and ditching me for that loser?

- Okay, Dara? Take a second,

and can you stop, like, pretending to understand

the shitstorm that's become my life, because you don't.

- But I wanted to, Caleb.

But you don't give a shit.

So, I'm done.

Yeah, if you want to be sick with someone else, fine.

Go be sick with someone else.

- [bell ringing]

- [Perfume Genius singing "Whole Life"]

♪ Half of my whole life ♪

♪ Is gone ♪

♪

♪ Let it drift ♪

♪ And wash away ♪

♪

♪ It was just a dream ♪

♪ I had ♪

♪

♪ It was just a dream ♪

♪

- Negative again.

- Oh, fuck.

Can that just be it?

Like, do I really have to wait another month?

- I'm telling you, you're going to be okay.

- ♪ Half of my whole life ♪

♪ Is done ♪

♪

♪ Heather gathers ♪

♪ In its place ♪

- CALEB: Hey, this is Taylor,

calling you for the five millionth time

to let you know that I've written a song about you.

It's called "Pick up the phone, bitch."

Hey. I just wanna know--

- WOMAN: This mailbox is full

and cannot accept any messages at this time. Good-bye.

- ♪ Leave them ♪

♪ Behind ♪♪

- FEMALE SINGER: ♪ Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match ♪

♪ Find me a find, catch me a catch ♪

♪ Night after night in the dark, I'm alone ♪

♪ So find me a match of my own ♪

- Um, I'm gonna head out for a bit.

- Oh, you know, Benny's gonna be out late tonight.

He's playing poker.

I thought it would be a good time for us

to put your portfolio together.

- CALEB: Yeah, I'm not doing the portfolio any more.

- Why not?

- Because I don't want to, because I suck.

Also, I don't think I wanna go anymore.

- Oh, wait just a minute here. Stay right there.

Now this is your dream school. You're going.

- I'm not going.

- VALERIE: Oh, I'm not gonna let you do this.

I'm not gonna let you throw away everything you worked for!

- Okay, just because you couldn't save Dad

doesn't mean you have to try and save me.

- That's not fair.

- I know we're not allowed to talk about him, but that's true.

- Have you thought at all about

what this is like for me, who's responsible for you?

I can't talk about your father because it'd kill me.

And then who would be here to take care of you?

- I'm sorry you got stuck with me.

Consider yourself free, okay?

- Caleb!

- ♪ Find me no find ♪

♪ Catch me no catch ♪

♪ Unless he's a matchless match ♪

♪♪

- ♪

- ESTHA: You need to leave.

- Oh, it's good to see you too, you fuck!

Open the window. - I can't talk right now.

- Open the window, or I'll scream my fucking face off.

You're alive. That's cool.

Um, where the hell have you been?

Didn't return any of my calls, and...

I told you I was gonna be there no matter what.

Negative, positive, I don't care.

- You should leave.

- What? I'll be quiet.

Your parents, they won't even know I'm here.

- Caleb?

- Okay, I don't care if you're positive.

- I'm not positive.

- You're not positive?

That's fucking amazing news!

You're not positive?

We gotta go party! We gotta get fucking wasted!

- Caleb, you should go.

- What's going on?

- Listen.

You've been a good friend to me this summer.

- Good friend?

- But, uh, now I have to focus on the fall and school,

and, uh, this thing will have to be behind me.

- This thing?

This thing?

So, wait, you didn't try to kill yourself?

You're just, like--you're just, like, ignoring me.

Why is that so much worse?

Is it 'cause you're fine?

And maybe I'm not fine?

- Caleb.

- I'm just a distraction for you.

- What? - Yeah, yeah.

Just like a nice way to pass the time

until you go to your perfect college

with your perfect friends and your perfect fucking future--

- Caleb. Can't stay in the summer forever.

I can't, okay? I'm sorry.

- DAD: Estha! What is going on in there?

- ESTHA: Just watching a movie! Go.

- Oh, and fuck you for making me like Taylor Swift.

- ♪

- [knocking on door]

- Hi.

So, how are you?

- Good.

How's your grandmother?

- She's still alive.

Yeah, you could call her.

- Yeah, I've been busy.

With, um...

Beth El's Sisterhood.

[unintelligible]

You want something to drink?

- Yes, please.

- You used to like those.

- Hey, where's Aaron? - EDITH: He's working late.

You look terrible.

- Thank you.

- Want me to give you a ride back home?

I mean, sorry, to your grandmother's?

- The house is different.

- I did some redecorating.

- It's very cool.

Where'd you put his stuff?

Can I have this?

- Yeah, sure.

I ride his bike.

- I know.

Come on, it's time to go.

- [baby crying]

- Hey, it's okay. Shh, shh, shh, shh.

It's okay.

It's okay, Seth. It's okay. Shh, shh, shh, shh.

- Can I hold him?

I'll be careful, I promise.

Please?

Please?

- All right, sit down. Sit down first.

Be careful.

You have to hold his head.

You got him? - CALEB: Mm-hmm.

- EDITH: Think he likes you.

- Hey, little guy.

Your fingers look like baby shrimp.

Definitely not kosher.

Hey, Mom?

I'm not doing good.

- No, you're doing fine. He's not fussing.

- No, like, I'm...not doing very good.

- What do you mean?

What's wrong?

- Okay, so...I got dumped,

and I've been working really hard at school...

- I know. - CALEB: And...

I did something stupid because I've been sad.

He was a complete stranger, and I kinda liked that.

Like, I kinda--

I liked that he didn't know me, and I was really, really drunk.

And I guess the condom was old or something.

- [baby crying]

- EDITH: Give him to me.

- No, Mom.

Please.

- You need to go. You need to go now.

- ♪

- Mom, please, don't make me leave.

- [horn blaring]

- [bells ringing]

- CALEB: Fuck!

Fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fuck!

- [bridge creaking]

- Are you okay?

- Caleb?

Oh, god.

What happened?

- Everyone leaves me.

- That's not true. - CALEB: It is.

Dom, Estha, Dad, her.

Everyone.

- I don't know what an Estha is,

but your dad did not want to leave you, Caleb.

- That's only 'cause he didn't know

this version of me, the one with the fucked-up blood.

- Oh, your father would've gone to war for you.

He always knew exactly what you were,

and he loved you for it.

Oh, I hate myself for not reminding you of that

every single day,

and it's just so hard for me to talk about him.

- CALEB: Yeah, and I don't want to make things harder for you.

I'm not gonna hold you back.

- You're not holding me back. - I am.

From selling the house, from moving.

- Oh, listen, I don't wanna sell this house because...

your father had his first haircut in that bathroom.

He learned to play the guitar in that chair.

And I just don't know how to let him go.

It's got nothing to do with you.

You're gonna have a wonderful life,

no matter what that test says,

and I can't wait to see it.

- Yeah, how do you know?

- I have lived through two husbands, seven wars...

and five revivals of "Oklahoma!" - [laughs]

- I've seen it all.

And, baby, you are one in a billion.

You're my grandson.

You got my blood in you too, and don't you ever forget it.

For that reason alone, you will do great things.

You will find great love.

And if you're anything like me, you'll find it more than once.

- When?

I'm so tired of waiting.

- VALERIE: I know, honey, but...

waiting doesn't mean you shut down.

It doesn't mean you turn yourself into the kind of person

that lets the world decide who you are

and what you can do.

You fight for what you want.

You fight for what you deserve.

I mean, you wait,

but you wait with you fucking fist in the air.

That's my boy.

- ♪

- MALE SINGER: ♪ Could've broken me like glass ♪

♪ In an emergency ♪

♪ It's a giving in ♪

♪ Where do I ♪

- I'm not really sure how I'm feeling,

and I think that's okay.

Um, at this point, I'm just, like, ready to know

and move on with my life.

- PEDRO: And I knew that I was gonna be in love in him,

that I was gonna fall in love with him.

It is a lot easier for me to face my own fears

and face the uncertainty of my own life

knowing that he's there.

So I love you.

- ♪ Don't try to save me ♪

♪ One thing I am sure of ♪

♪ Is everything will change ♪

♪ Time moves us, you grow old ♪

♪ Days will get rearranged ♪

♪ Changing tides ♪

- Hey, sorry, um...

I know things are kind of weird, but...

Can I see you?

- ♪ One thing I am sure of ♪

♪ For you, I wait ♪

- [knocking on door]

- DAD: Estha! You're going to miss your flight. Let's go!

- ♪ One thing I am sure of ♪

♪ For you, I wait ♪

- DARA: All we ever talked about

was getting out of this shithole!

Kinda surprised you asked to meet me here.

- Well, it's so much more tolerable when nobody's around.

I got you something.

- Is this quiche?

- I hope so.

Is it good?

- No!

- Dara.

I'm really fucking sorry.

You're my best friend and I fucked up.

- I'm really sorry, too.

I quit right after it happened.

- Good for you.

- She had a loose pussy, anyway.

- Thank you for that.

- I finally got a line cook job! - That's amazing!

- At Applebee's. - Less amazing.

But you gotta start somewhere. - I guess.

- I leave for New York in, like, like a week.

- Have you packed already?

- CALEB: Do I really need to answer that question?

So I get my final results tomorrow,

and I wanted to see if you wanna come with?

- Yeah, sure, um.

I'll roll some Js for the road.

- I don't know how you always know what to say. It's crazy.

- ♪

- You're not gonna make me eat one.

Gross!

How did I create that?

- [Dara laughing]

- So, I scheduled a walk-through at that condo

on Hollywood Beach, the Orion.

Now, before you get all cute on me,

I have certain conditions.

- Naturally. - I live above the 10th floor.

- Mm-hmm.

- I will have an oceanfront view.

- DARA: Mm! - Oh!

- And I will not eat in that deli more than once a week.

- Done. - DARA: Do you think

the resident discount is transferable?

Not transferable.

- Orion! Wow.

- How you feeling about tomorrow?

- Try not to think about it.

- You're doing well 'cause you do a lot of things,

but you don't think about it. - [laughing]

What? He's funny! - Not that funny.

- DARA: He's jealous, 'cause you're not funny.

- ♪

- [everyone laughing]

- [David Bowie singing "Five Years"]

♪ Pushing through the market square ♪

♪ So many mothers sighing ♪

♪ You said, just come over ♪

♪ We had five years left crying ♪

♪ I heard telephones, opera house, favorite melodies ♪

♪ I saw boys, toys, electric irons and TVs ♪

♪ My brain hurt like a warehouse ♪

♪ It had no room to spare ♪

♪ I had to cram so many things to store everything in there ♪

♪ And all the fat, skinny people ♪

♪ And all the tall, short people ♪

♪ And all the nobody people ♪

♪ And all the somebody people ♪

♪ I never thought I'd need so many people ♪

♪

♪ I think I saw you in an ice-cream parlor ♪

♪ Drinking milkshakes cold and long ♪

♪ Smiling and waving and looking so fine ♪

♪ Don't think you knew you were in this song ♪

♪ And it was cold and it rained ♪

♪ So I felt like an actor ♪

♪ And I thought of Ma, and I wanted to get back there ♪

♪ Your face, your race ♪

- Cohn, Caleb?

- ♪ The way that you talk ♪

♪ I kiss you, you're beautiful, I want you to walk ♪

♪ We've got five years ♪

♪ Stuck on my eyes ♪

♪ Five years, what a surprise ♪

♪ We've got five years ♪

♪ My brain hurts a lot ♪

♪ Five years, that's all we got ♪

♪ We've got five years ♪

- CALEB: Oh, um, I saw a flier at the center

for a lesbian craft night tonight. You wanna...

You wanna go?

- Okay, but there won't be boys there.

- Yeah, from this moment, truly a blessing.

- Um, sure, yeah.

But only if you really feel up to it. No pressure.

- No, I know, we can finally bag you a single lady.

I heard the craft night is packed with eligible bottoms.

- Aren't I a bottom?

- You're a top.

Yeah.

- ♪

♪ Five years ♪

♪ What a surprise ♪

♪ We've got five years ♪

♪ Stuck on my eyes ♪

♪ We've got five years ♪

♪ My brain hurts a lot ♪

♪ Five years, that's all we've got ♪

♪ Five years ♪

♪

♪ Five years ♪

♪

♪ Five years ♪

♪

♪ Five years ♪

♪

♪ Five years ♪

- MALE SINGER: ♪ Could've broken me like glass ♪

♪ In an emergency ♪

♪ It's like giving in ♪

♪ Where do I begin ♪

♪ Bless the skies, I don't know why ♪

♪ I hate Florida sometimes ♪

♪ Is it take and take ♪

♪ Is it my mistake ♪

♪ What I used to know, I don't know ♪

♪ Just spin me, I'll lose control ♪

♪ Well, it feels like I'm on my own ♪

♪ Don't try to save me ♪

♪ One thing I am sure of ♪

♪ Is everything will change ♪

♪ Time moves us, you grow old ♪

♪ Days will get rearranged ♪

♪ Changing tides, I feel it in my bones ♪

♪ And I don't ask why and I just let them go ♪

♪ 'Cause I know one thing I am sure of ♪

♪ For you, I wait ♪

♪

♪ You are sad, you dig your heels ♪

♪ On who I am and what is real ♪

♪ Only you and me ♪

♪ And all we're going to be ♪

♪ What I used to know, I don't know ♪

♪ Just spin me, I'll lose control ♪

♪ But it feels like I'm on my own ♪

♪ Don't try to save me ♪

♪ One thing I am sure of ♪

♪ Is everything will change ♪

- ♪

- MALE SINGER: ♪ Accidental lover ♪

♪ What'd you do with all my common sense ♪

♪

♪ You came in undercover ♪

♪ When I didn't even want a friend ♪

♪

♪ I'm tired of living like I'm dying ♪

♪ And now I can find a silver lining like before ♪

♪ Yeah, like before ♪

♪ You got a funny sense of timing ♪

♪ Showed up on the night that I start trying ♪

♪ For something more ♪

♪ For something more ♪

♪ And I'm like, oh, sweet, gotta think I'm in trouble ♪

♪ Kinda making me wonder ♪

♪ What it's like on the other side ♪

♪ And I'm like, baby, you're kinda driving me crazy ♪

♪ I'm not one to need saving ♪

♪ But I guess I'll give it a try ♪

- FEMALE SINGER: ♪ Oh my oh my ♪

♪ Down, down, lover ♪

♪ What I tell you is in confidence ♪

♪ Laying here together makes me want to take ♪

♪ A second chance ♪

- ♪