Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

And so it began

thirty-thousand years ago

a man discovered

his best friend.

Oh!

Dogs were man's best friend

and only animal companion

for the next 15,000 years.

And then..

Cats are in the house, y'all!

Whoo! Whoo!

For the next 15,000 years

cats and dogs fought each other.

Hissing and barking and breaking things

along the way.

With the emergence of technology

harmless skirmishes grew into diabolical plots

as cats and dogs tried to eliminate each other

as human companions.

Eventually, humans grew tired.

So, dogs and cats had to do something

if they wanted to stay the number one

and number two animals in the human household.

Actually, fish are number one.

Fish don't count.

Anyway, cat and dog leaders

worked together to stop these plots

and formed an organization called

The Furry Animals Rivalry Termination.

Or FART!

Nah, that's not really a thing.

It's totally a thing!

The purpose of the Furry Animals Riv...

FART!

...was to monitor

potential plots, feline or canine

and stop them before they interfered

with the human world.

The good news is..

...we opened up wide

and let loose FART, the most silent

and deadly organization of all time.

We were able to stop those plots and many others.

The last decade has been the most peaceful one

between the two species in centuries.

Huh! I wouldn't say centuries!

Well, you would be wrong.

Ah! Home sweet home.

That's me, Roger!

As in Roger Federer.

The best tennis player of all time.

That's Max, my human.

He used to practice outdoors on court.

I would fetch tennis balls for him

but now, well..

...he does... that!

Hey, that's me, Gwen.

You know, as in Stefani.

And let me introduce you to my fabulous person

the one, the onlyZoey!

Mm, she's under there somewhere.

Argh! Driving me..

..crazy!

Yeah, she's not really a morning person.

'Argh!'

- Morning, honey. - Morning, mom.

You sleep well?

- Yeah, I guess. - Hmm.

This will put some pep in your step.

Kale juice, spinach juice, celery juice.

Yeah.

- Good? Drink up. - Mm.

- So close, honey. - Ugh!

State championships are just around the corner.

I think we can win it all this year.

Mm, mm. Yeah, for-for sure.

And they think drinking out of a toilet is gross.

Listen, I got an alert this morning

about your workout.

Noticed your footwork was a little slow today.

I get an alert when you miss your target numbers.

What else do you get updates on?

Your heart rate, how much time you spend in the bathroom

your heart rate when you spend time in the bathroom.

- Boundaries, mom! - Just saying.

In case you want some more? I know you like it.

Hmm.

Morning, Zoe-Zoe.

Good morning.

Um, let me, make you breakfast.

It's okay. I got it. I'll heat up burritos.

You're probably thinking, "Gwen, you're nothing

but a pampered, sheltered, housecat."

And maybe you're right.

No way!

You can heat those up?

No wonder mine are always so crunchy.

But one day, we're gonna go outside

and have great adventures together.

Don't worry. I'll protect her.

I'm like a Ninja!

Ha! I'm okay!

How was the gig last night?

Uh... fell through.

But I stayed in the coffee shop

and a new song came to me

like a gift from above.

That's great, dad. Let's hear it.

Yeah, yeah, it's like, uh..

♪ Da da da da pa ra ra ♪

♪ Run run run ♪

♪ Gotta get away ♪

♪ Run run run ♪

♪ Show 'em something something ♪

♪ Run run run ♪♪

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, the thing is, I wrote the lyrics

down on a napkin and then I forgot

and then I blew my nose

and then I put it in my pocket

and then it was just a mushy

snotty, gooey.

- Nothing. - Okay.

- It'll come back to you. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Don't forget, dad.

A million people bought your first album.

Twenty years ago.

Eddie Vedder says you're the grungiest guy in grunge.

Eddie Vedder.

Ah! Hot.

You got asbestos fingers?

Hot, hot, hot. How do you do that?

Ah!

Mm!

Now it tastes so much better.

Dad, don't give up.

Promise?

I promise.

Bye, Gwen. Have a good day.

- Bye. Love you. - Bye! Love you.

♪ Hey now we'll walk through a fire ♪

♪ Just to bring you the ring ♪

♪ Obstacles are only rocks for the calm ♪

♪ It's a race against the clock ♪

♪ And you've got the perfect timing ♪

♪ Bring the thunder so we all be castin' lightning ♪

♪ The only thing that cuts diamond is diamond ♪

Wait! Hold up there!

♪ And I've been waiting all my life ♪

♪ Just for this one night ♪

Thanks.

I'm sorry. Did you say something?

Whatever, dude. You do you.

♪ I got the heart of a champion ♪

♪ And I will ♪♪

As you may have guessed

we are not your average pets.

We are two of the baddest, most kick-butt

FART agents you've ever seen.

Actually, we're just

risk assessment analysts.

Please say the password.

- Beethoven. - Incorrect.

- Uh, Rin Tin Tin. - Wrong.

- Air Bud. - Not even close.

- Snoopy? - Negative.

- Old Yeller? - Incorrect.

Scooby Doo?

Uh, Garfield.

You got it, sister!

Seriously?

I put in a request.

Hey, how was the night shift, old Ed?

Well, back's a little stiff.

I've been meaning to order one of those standing desks.

I meant with the monitoring.

Well, mostly, I've been just been watching

these bubbles float across the screen.

Hey, Ed, that's screensaver.

Oh, you and your fancy high-tech gadget.

In my day, we had to trust our instincts

'and communicate, and we were out there on the streets!'

Oh! I wish they'd sent us out in the field.

I'm dying to see some action.

We're just monitors.

Yeah! And how boring is that?

It's like I always say..

...boring is good.

Not.

Ah! Roast beef.

Ugh, I'm not gonna even ask.

Catch you kids on the flippity flop.

Monitors 44871 and 44872

logging in for Zone-867.

The F.A.R.T. system's functioning flawlessly

and the worldwide threat level remains at low.

Copy that, chief. Great news.

Yeah. If you like rotting away at a desk.

Uploading your links now.

Carry on, monitors.

HQ out.

Really?

'What is it with dogs and trees?'

Very complex.

Your kind would never grasp it.

Ah! Yes, yes, you're absolutely right.

How could we possibly understand

such a sophisticated ritual?

Hold the phone. Got a canine near the animal hospital.

Oh, I bet he's planning something.

- Just a stray. - 'Looks suspicious to me.'

Could be a serious plot against feline patients.

Ah! Not the diaper, not the diaper!

'And... the diaper.'

Ugh! Oh!

Oh, I'm gonna be sick. Let me guess.

Too complex for my kind to grasp?

Nope. That's just disgusting.

Nothing exciting ever happens anymore.

You guys have all the fun.

Take it from someone who knows

there was nothing fun

about those major plots back in the day.

Lot of good agents, both dog and cat

got injured, or worse.

Oh, wait. You saw some action?

Enough to know it wasn't for me.

At least you were out there.

Hey! You ever gave anyone the old..

What the feline is that?

- Initiate reboot protocol. - Initiating.

Probably a power failure.

'In case you're wondering'

'this is not a power failure.'

'But failure'

'is the perfect word to describe'

'what's just happened'

'to your labyrinth monitoring system.'

'I've shut out all communications'

'from your headquarters to every other station'

'in your network.'

'Just try and control your FART now!'

Well, dude, that was a thing.

What's goin' on? Who's doing this?

'I am the most nefarious villain'

'the world has ever seen!'

Is that it? Is he done?

This is not good!

Honestly, I thought the laugh was kind of weak.

I'm thinking needy with self-esteem issues.

Probably a chihuahua or smaller.

'I'm still here!'

'I accidentally hit the mute button.'

'Just know that as you sit there helplessly'

'in your secret bunkers all over the planet'

'my brilliant plan is already sending'

'the world of dogs and cats into chaos!'

Chaos? What kind of chaos?

'This is madness. You don't get away with it.'

'I already have.'

We gotta do something.

You canines designed this system.

Tell me you butt-sniffers have a backup plan.

Uh..

Oh, dear God. We're doomed.

That's it, honey.

'Let's go, Max.'

That's it, kiddo.

'Follow through.'

Force him to use your back hand.

Forehand, Max, forehand.

Nice swing.

Power shot, power shot!

All eyes will be on the State Tennis Tournament next week

as the boys gun for the championship.

Led by local phenom

Max Harper.

'Max will try to complete an undefeated regular season'

against Central High tomorrow

as a tune-up before the State championships.

Follow through! Pull over your shoulder.

Susan!

You know how I feel about you coaching during practice.

- I'm the coach. - I've got the hat.

You ordered that hat off the internet.

I'm gonna have to ask for the whistle too.

But, ya-uh, I'm keeping the hat.

Hey, honey.

The biggest problem with FART, besides the obvious

is that it was designed by dogs!

We never would have needed FART

if you cats weren't always plotting

and scheming and trying to disrupt

nature's intentions.

Nature's intentions?

Three words, hair ball.

"Man's best friend." Period.

That's four words. Catnap!

Whoa! Where were we?

Whoa! What is it?

What are you doing? That thing may be about to blow.

Why did you do that for?

- Sorry. Couldn't help myself. - 'Hello.'

- 'Hello? Pick up the phone.' - Hey, wait.

- 'Is anyone there?' - I think it's talking.

'Answer this phone, you nincompoops!'

- That sounds like the chief. - 'It is the chief!'

Whoa! How about that? It's a phone!

'High tech, no buttons.'

'We've been hacked!'

'Someone has shut down our online systems.'

'This old landline is the only way we can communicate.'

Who do you think is responsible?

'We have no idea.'

'But a crime like this has'

'Mr. Tinkles and Kitty Galore'

'written all over it.'

Knew it. Always the cats.

Watch who you're accusing, mister!

Or what?

'Stop it, you two!'

'It appears they have done something'

'that increases the hatred'

'between cats and dogs everywhere.'

'It's clearly affecting both of you already.'

Not me. He started it!

- Did not. - Did too!

'Enough! Hit the big red button!'

'Open it and eat one now!'

'Each of you.'

'They've been specially modified'

'with lavender, valerian root'

'and passion flower.'

Hmm. What do they do?

'They're still in their beta phase.'

'But if they work properly'

'you should notice your disdain for one another'

'begin to wear off.'

So, you want us to be your test monkeys?

- After you. - No.

- After you. - No, no, no, no.

- Doggies first. - Oh, no, please.

- After you. - Rock, paper, scissors for it?

You're on. One, two, three!

- What is that? - Is that a rock?

'Ah! Just do it!'

I owe you an apology.

Apology accepted.

Ooh! Your coat is so soft.

And your breath smells like freshly mowed grass.

'We haven't studied any long term effects yet.'

'But they should keep you guys from killing each other'

'while you solve this case.'

- Did you say we solve the case? - 'Yes!'

'We may not know who is behind this plot'

'but we do know where.'

'Before our computers went down'

'they were able to pinpoint the origin of the hack!'

'It came from your zone.'

'The perpetrator we're looking for'

'is within a five block radius'

'of where you're sitting right now!'

Yes! We're on it, chief.

W-w-wait a second. We're not field agents.

We're just monitors.

Who are you sending to take a lead on this?

Who's in charge?

'Bottom line, this starts'

'and ends with you two.'

'You need to put together a support team'

'from within your building.'

'We cannot trust outsiders.'

From within this building?

But there are only a few other cats and dogs

that live here and none of them have any training.

'Well, it's up to you two to get them ready.'

'We don't stop this now'

'it could lead to an all-out war'

'between cats and dogs.'

'The fate of canines and felines everywhere'

'is in your paws!'

'HQ out!'

I thought we were doing okay.

Dad, I mean with your song royalties.

We are okay, Zoey

and we're gonna be okay, just..

...things have been a little slow lately, that's all.

I can help.

I can get a job at the mall or babysit.

No, no, no. This is not your responsibility.

The only thing is..

...we may have to find a smaller place.

Or a bigger car

with an actual backseat.

You mean, move again?

Well, just to save on rent.

But same neighborhood, same school.

And pets, right?

I just started looking, Zoey.

We'll-we'll do the best we can.

Hey.

We're gonna be fine.

Okay?

Listen, I gotta go see about a job.

What kind of job?

A-a studio musician?

Live performance?

Um, not exactly.

'There's pasta in the fridge.'

I know. I cooked something.

- Movie at 7:00? - Movie at 7:00.

Oh, hey, hey, hey!

Don't forget your guitar.

- Love you. - Love you too. Bye!

Bye!

'That's all the money I've got!'

Solving this caper, we're gonna need a crew.

Qualified, dependable specialists.

Oh, a computer expert, a getaway driver

and master of disguise.

What are we, robbing a casino?

This is my first assignment, okay?

Give me this!

The chief said we can only use pets

from within this building.

We've got old Ed, but besides him..

...not a lot of options.

There's Clyde in 6D.

He wears a diaper!

He can track someone's scent

from a mile away.

Doggie diaper. Enough said.

Um, well, how about Zelda

on the fourth floor?

Nope, cross her path

seven years, bad luck.

Um, isn't that a broken mirror?

You want to take that chance?

Lexie in the penthouse?

What animal allows a human

to dress her? No self-respect.

Anastasia? Leopold? Maximus?

Worms, fleas, explosive diarrhea.

And that's just Anastasia.

Okay, so that just leaves..

...Duke.

Looks like we found our muscle.

Scared to death of that guy, by the way.

Does he even speak?

No one knows.

So, that's our crew?

You, me, old Ed and Duke?

That's right.

The greatest team

the world has ever seen.

Catnap!

- Oh, brother. - Now, let's do this!

- 'Thank you.' - Alright.

Pablo! Pablo!

Pablo! Pablo!

Pablo! Pablo!

Pablo! Pablo!

Yes. Thank you, yes!

Thank you. Yes.

Thirty four cans will be a new world record.

'Go, Pablo! You can do it!'

Go, Pablo, go!

'You can do it!'

'Ha-ha! Yeah!'

'Take to the skies, boss!'

'Take to the skies!'

Oh! Ow! Ow! Ooh!

Getting closer, boss.

Ah! Oh!

'Ow! Ah!'

So, Zeek..

The head honcho around here

'is a parrot who can almost fly?'

'Maybe we should nominate a fish'

'who can almost swim.'

I'm a cockatoo!

You're new to our organization.

Pets with out-of-the-ordinary pedigree

or, POOP, for short.

So, I'll let you slide this one time.

'The owner clips my wings'

to keep me from flying off my perch!

Tell me, wise guy

you planning on going to a loving family soon?

Maybe a kid to play with? Great food?

- Reverse osmosis water? - Aren't we all?

Shirley, how long you've been here?

Agh! 15 months.

Sacrebleu.

Zeek, how about you?

Six hundred and twelve days.

Me? I've been here six years!

And never once taken home as a pet.

In fairness, you guys live up to a hundred years.

Who wants to make that kind of commitment?

Listen, ten legs

do you know

how many puppies and kittens

have found homes

during that time?

Millions!

I don't understand.

I thought humans loved all pets.

Not as much as cats and dogs.

Which is why they're all

at the front of the store, not us.

We're stuck back here in the aisles

of chew-toys

and mice!

You have no idea what that's like.

Any puppies or kittens?

No, just a bunch of weird stuff.

Funny-looking reptiles

and dopey birds.

'Dopey birds. Dopey birds.'

'Dopey birds.'

We secondary pets never stood a chance.

Especially after they started their worldwide

peace-keeping organization.

But as I stood on my stoop year after year..

...eyeballing the store computer

I came up with the idea

of using online piracy

to hack into their F.A.R.T. system!

Oh! Diabolical!

'And my techno nerd sidekick Zeek'

developed the frequency that makes cats and dogs

even more vicious to each other!

The signal is being sent now all over the world

via Wi-Fi and cell towers.

'That little phone controls'

'the fate of cats and dogs'

everywhere!

As we speak, cats and dogs everywhere

are at each other's throats

creating mayhem and chaos!

Soon, they will be rejected too.

Abandoned by their humans and they will feel

what it is like to be unwanted.

To be unloved!

Not now, Roger.

'Sorry, I'm late.'

Roger!

Who's a good boy?

Who's a good boy, huh?

So... are you ready for the big match tomorrow?

- I guess. - 'You guess?'

You've already beat this kid twice.

You shouldn't even break a sweat.

Uh, hey, uh

after the match, some of the boys in the team

wanna go hit the Go-Kart track.

I thought maybe I could too.

Oh, sweetie..

...you know you've got a full schedule.

Ice bath, massage

film session, practice.

Right. I-it's just..

Forget I said anything.

Okay.

♪ I should've stopped ♪

♪ When I had the chance ♪

♪ Now I'm in a no man's land ♪

No man's land.

♪ I never never never ♪

♪ Wanna believe it ♪

♪ I never never never ♪

♪ Thought I could leave this ♪

♪ Run run ♪♪

Do you like that?

Yeah?

- 'Hey, Zoe-Zoe.' - Hi, dad.

Please tell me you're not selling used cars.

Customer service representative.

Man, I didn't realize

how mean people could be.

Try spending a day in my middle school.

Yeah.

I know that you own this house.

We just, we just live here with you.

Huh? You've been playing? Working on something?

No. Just messing around.

Oh. Cool.

Oh, thank you.

'So..'

...having a smaller apartment

much easier on the wallet.

But..

...we need to move right away

so we're not paying double rent.

They take pets, right?

Listen, I spoke with your Aunt Lois

and she's happy to take Gwen

'and we can visit her as often as we want.'

She lives two hours away!

Zoey, it's..

...it's not permanent.

You know, and... uh..

I don't know..

Can we sneak her in for sleepovers?

Absolutely.

Right?

'Okay, now, listen up!'

Whoever's behind this plot

is somewhere in our zone.

It's up to us to find him or her

cat or dog.

Well, I've been doing this a long time

and it's always a cat

stirring up trouble.

I'd say, let 'em clean up their own mess this time.

Easy there, gramps.

It's just as likely that dogs are behind this

just to make us cats look bad.

Gramps?

Yeah.

That's what I said.

Or do you need some hearing aids?

Now, you listen, sassy pants.

I might be old, but these paws

still know how to fight!

Would you stop? There's not time for this.

'Gwen mapped out our zone.'

'We know our tech is down, right?'

So, we gotta go old school.

Tomorrow, I say

we hit the streets!

It's up to us now!

Nope. We're analysts.

We stay right here in our building

and we monitor the action.

Don't participate in it.

Uh, boring is good.

Remember?

Well, someone out there knows something

'and I am fully confident this crew can find out.'

This brand new, how do you do

out of the blue, cat and dog crew!

Is she okay?

She's just enthusiastic.

OMG! OMG!

O-M to the G!

This is really happening.

I am outside!

Yes, Seattle. Outside and it's wet.

It's so much more than I ever thought it would be.

It's, it's so big.

We're only 20 feet away from the front door of the building.

There's actually a lot more.

Oh! Look at all this space!

'So much of space!'

Too much space! Where are all the walls?

Danger! Danger in every direction!

Gwen, keep it together, we've got a mission to do.

- Let's just... - 'Animal control, 5 o'clock!'

'Our eye in the sky.'

And it's heading right at you.

- Scramble! Hide! - Outside bad!

Outside bad! Whose idea was this?

Oh, wait, wait, check that.

'False alarm on the animal control truck.'

My bad. Just the ice cream vendor.

Uh, uh, think you can get me a drumstick?

I just love those things.

Before cameras and monitors and gadgets

we got our information from combin' the streets.

Like in a cop movie, just gotta find us a snitch

'a pigeon, a weasel, a blabbermouth.'

A cheese eater! Oh! I think I see one.

Cover me.

Okay, ankle bitter, who's behind the plot?

- Oh, boy! - I'm on to you, cupcake.

And don't think I'm fooled by the whole Toy Group routine.

Okay, a crafty one.

Guess I need to dispense with my good cop.

Spill the beans, purse-pooch!

Or you start losin' digits.

Fingers or toes?

You think it was too much?

Hey, sarge, FART agent 44871.

What's the word on the street?

Little small for an agent.

I'm actually just a monitor.

- Long story. - Lot of domestic calls.

Mostly cats and dogs mixin' it up.

Destroyin' property. You got any leads?

We narrowed it down to this zone

but the perp took out our comm, so..

...we're hittin' the streets.

Shaggy dog, in the park. One of our informants.

'Always has the 411.'

Tell her Buck sent ya.

Hey! Hey! Keep it off the hydrants, buddy.

'Hey, shampoodle, glace it up.'

'Hey, buddy, where's that collar?'

Consider this a warning.

Okay, executing covert approach.

Gotta be cool, not too obvious.

Oops, uh, comin' on too strong, okay.

Back it up, reset, acting normal.

Okay, not feeling normal.

What do normal dogs do?

They, they sniff trash cans.

Commence sniffing.

Ooh! Rotting chili dogs.

Better get in on this.

Hey, Shaggy, I hear you've got a poopscoop around here.

- I keep my eyes open. - Uh, well..

You see anything lately?

Couple of weeks ago, I heard whispers

that someone was looking to hire a job.

A hush-hush kind of a job.

- So, who was it? - I don't know.

They were right next to me

and this may come as a bit of a surprise

I didn't see their faces.

- Huh, imagine that. - Ugh!

Bottom line, if you need something done around this town

you go to the cats.

- The cats? - The alley cats.

But they don't come out till the sun goes down.

'When the world lays eyes on me, they will cower in terror.'

'They didn't think I was worth loving'

'so now, they will fear me instead!'

Oh, no, no, no. Hey, boss.

That ain't workin' for you.

Really? I thought hats were scary.

- Um, not that one. - Okay. Okay.

Prepare to be scared beyond your imagination.

No! You don't look scared!

- Of a wizard parrot? - I'm a wizard cockatoo!

Oh, well, now I'm scared!

We are getting reports of global unrest

developing in the pet world

as canines and felines are suddenly quarreling

at unprecedented levels.

Just take a look at these videos sent in from our local viewers.

'Wow!'

Glad you're not involved in any of that mess.

Right, Gwen?

You have no idea.

Zero, zero, one, four, nine, three.

'Yeah, a 2:00 p.m. showing, okay?'

'I can confirm you? Alright, thank you.'

'Okay, I look forward to it. Bye-bye.'

How did it go, champ?

- Six-three, six-three. - Wow.

You put up quite a fight today.

Still, a win's a win.

Yeah, um..

Actually, I lost.

- You lost? - That's right.

Okay, uh..

We can just train a little harder next time.

You know, we've been taking Sunday mornings off

from practice, maybe that was a mistake.

I don't know, mom, it's just..

Maybe I wasn't feeling it today.

Well, no fever.

Good news is, the team actually won.

The other guys pulled it for me, so we're still undefeated.

Hm, well, that's a..

...silver lining I guess.

While it's not uncommon to see behavioral changes

coincide with mating seasons or even..

...weather patterns, but we've never seen

anything like this.

Now, we're speaking with the manager of the Paw street market

who's already seeing this conflict impacting his business.

People are skipping the puppies and kittens

'and taking home reptiles, snakes and birds.'

'All much easier to care for.'

- What about the fish? - Fish don't count.

Okay, come clean about your field agent days.

What happened out there?

Look, it was a long time ago.

I made a mistake, and ever since

I've been behind a desk, where I belong.

What kind of mistake?

There was a moment, there's always a moment

and I hesitated.

My partner, my mentor got hurt.

I've never gotten over it.

But listen, we can't forget that a pet's number one job

is to be there for their humans.

Okay, okay, you're right.

And my boy Max just hasn't been himself lately.

I've been trying to help, but he just

he doesn't have time for me anymore.

Huh, well, my girl Zoey has been going

through some tough stuff too. We might have to move.

Max sure could use someone to talk to.

Preferably someone who could talk back.

Zoey doesn't have a friend that understands her either.

She just spends most of her time on her phone.

Huh, yeah, the phones.

Max turns into a zombie when he stares at his.

Yeah, Zoey falls asleep with hers

on the pillow right next to her.

You know, Max used to take me to play fetch

at the park every night.

Have humans forgotten that their stress goes down

when they engage with their pets?

These kids don't even engage with each other.

Max really needs a friend like Zoey.

Zoey really needs a friend like Max.

Meanwhile, a deranged villain

is trying to eliminate cats and dogs

as human pets forever.

And the only lead we have depends

on a shifty collection of vile street cats

who would trade their grandmothers for a dead mouse.

Why don't you let me go talk to them?

Are you sure you're ready?

Are you kidding? I was born ready!

- Shh! - Sorry, it's, it's a dog thing.

We like to sing along.

'A-actually, I change my mind. I don't wanna do this.'

Uh, rock, paper, scissors?

Loser has to face 'em?

You're on! One, two, three!

I'm paper, you're rock. I win.

No, I'm scissors. I win!

That's not scissors. How can that be scissors?

That's totally scissors.

If you're gonna throw out scissors

you've got to grow out those nails.

Oh! Oh!

Remember, you wanted some action.

This is what you've always wanted.

Prepare yourself for some disgusting frothing mongrels

munching on dead mice.

- Filth upon filth. Oh! - 'Psst!'

'Over here.'

Elon Musk? I-I'm looking for the alley cats?

'Then it's your lucky day.'

You're an alley cat?

'Why don't you step into my office?'

You mean, come into the light?

I thought you guys usually slept outside.

Drank out of puddles, ate dead mice.

We did, until some rich doofus

started parking his Tesla in our alley

and leaving the windows down.

Well, I was told by a shaggy dog

that you might have information about a job

that was done around here?

Uh, keep it on the down-low kinda job.

Of course, I do. I'm the one who did it.

- You? - That's right.

And I was paid handsomely for it.

With money?

No, what would a cat do with money?

I got this shiny ball of tinfoil. Duh!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Fun! Ooh!

Who hired you?

Don't know.

They communicated electronically.

Sending text messages about a covert mission.

So, what was the mission?

I snuck into the headquarters

of a wireless phone company

got some codes off their computers.

What kind of codes?

Wi-Fi and cellular access codes.

Seems like a lot of trouble just to get some free internet.

Ooh!

It's just so shiny. Hm!

'Oh! It's an epidemic!'

'Humans are returning their cats'

'and dogs by the millions.'

'Tell me you've made some progress.'

We've gathered some intel

but I have no idea how the pieces fit yet.

Well, l-let's start with this. What do we know?

'Well, we know some maniac out there'

'has found a way to ramp up aggression'

'between cats and dogs.'

And we know he shut down our entire system

designed to prevent such plots.

And we know someone hired the alley cats

to steal access codes for Wi-Fi and cell towers.

And one thing has never made sense to me.

This plot is devastating to both cats and dogs.

What kind of lunatic would device a plot

that hurts all of us?

Well, hard to read the mind of a lunatic.

Especially a cat lunatic.

Or a dog lunatic.

Maybe we need to think outside the box.

No, what if it's neither cat or dog lunatic?

Hm?

Who stands to gain from humans walking away

from cats and dogs?

Other pets.

So we possibly have a rouge secondary pet

who's bent on pushing cats and dogs aside

as mankind's favorite.

'Good working theory, agents.'

Agents! He said agents!

But how can he possibly be reaching

virtually every cat and dog on the planet?

Through the food? Water?

Wait! That's it!

Wi-Fi cell towers, he doesn't care about receiving internet

he cares about sending frequencies.

You mean like hate frequencies?

That only effect cats and dogs.

I knew technology was evil!

'Now get to work figuring out who's behind it.'

'We're clearly dealing with a ferociously'

'frightening criminal.'

♪ Oh lookin' lookin' lookin' good ♪

♪ Yes I'm hot ♪

♪ I knew I would ♪

♪ This is fire baby ♪ ♪ Burn it up burn it up ♪

♪ Lookin' good ♪

♪ So tight ♪ ♪ Lookin' lookin' lookin' good ♪

♪ I'm lookin' good lookin' lookin'.. ♪♪

Oh, none of these looks are befitting

the most nefarious villain

the world has ever seen!

No one is afraid of a cockatoo in a hat!

I need a totally new look.

A costume that sends shivers up the spine.

Sir, it is ready.

The costume you have been waiting for.

Yes! My robotic mechanical dog suit!

Finally, the world will cower when faced

with my slobbering beastliness!

Reveal it to me.

Feast your eyes on my greatest invention.

Looks so real!

'You wanna take her for a ride?'

Yes. Zip me up inside.

'Time for a test drive.'

Now that I'm outside..

...I must test the full capabilities of this machine.

'Let's see, what does this one do?'

Okay. What about this one?

And this one?

'This one?'

I just threw up!

But I swallowed it.

Some other time, Roger.

You know, you're just, uh..

...you're in a little slump.

'It happens to everyone.'

We just have to decide how to get you out of it.

Maybe a new racquet might help.

Huh? Something with a bit more power?

Wow. Uh, thanks, mom.

You know, we could, uh, re-watch the Australian final

between Federer and Nadal.

'That always fires you up, right?'

Hey, Rog, you like your breakfast? That's a good boy!

You know, we could also watch the video footage

of my over-40's club match against Sheila Smithers

when I took her down in straight sets.

- She was pregnant. - Who knew?

- With triplets. - Yeah, okay.

Listen, Max, you know I am so very proud of you, right?

- No matter what. - I know, mom.

- I'll figure it out. - Okay. Eat up, champ.

Yeah, let me, uh, let me help you with those, sweetie.

After I..

After I take a break.

Dad, we can't move all of this stuff to a smaller apartment.

- We need to make choices. - You're right.

Okay, um..

- Trash or treasure? - Treasure.

That's my high-school flannel.

- Alright. - Treasure.

It's my college flannel.

Treasure, it's my unemployed starving artist flannel.

I think we should treasure the whole box.

We should treasure every moment, actually label it

treasure. What else?

- What about these records? - No! No, no, no!

We can't throw those out. Are you kidding me?

Neil Young, Live Rust, that like a..

...a rock and roll holy relic.

Psst! Psst!

Get over here!

Ah! You don't have to blind me!

Oh, here's a London band, sort of little known.

I don't know, the Rolling Stones.

'Okay, what's the shape of this album?'

Octagon! What does that say? Stop!

'That's what it means.'

Gotta keep these, speakin' of which..

...where's your record collection?

- Here. - Are you crazy?

- They're both home! - I think I have a fix.

Meet me in the hall. Oh, and Zoey's phone, hide it!

- What? - Just do it.

We're gonna give our humans the friends

that we can't be right now.

Come on.

Uh, hey, I left my phone upstairs.

Mind if we go back up so I can grab it?

- Fine. - Thanks.

I think I forgot mine, too.

Thirsty?

Just gotta hydrate.

My mom likes me to get at least 64 ounces before lunch.

What the..

- 'Hello! Somebody!' - 'Hey!'

- 'Can you hear us? Hello!' - 'Anybody out there? Hey!'

Hello!

Come on.

I'm sure it's just a minute or two.

What are the chances?

We both forgot our phones today.

I know. Great.

I don't even care if I miss my tennis lesson this morning.

Really? I thought you, like, ate, drank and breathe tennis

with every inch of your soul.

Yeah, well, I thought I did too.

I mean, I even named my dog Roger, after Federer.

I don't know, recently, it's been feeling

more like a job than a hobby, you know?

Dude, a bit of unsolicited advice..

Hit me.

Chill, chill and chill!

Really? Even that last one?

Especially that last one.

So where were you off to this morning?

Guitar lessons?

Um, no.

We're moving tomorrow and we're packing boxes.

I just needed a break.

You're moving, like, out of town?

No. We're just downsizing, I guess.

Same school, new building doesn't allow pets.

You, you have a cat, right?

Gwen, as in Stefani.

Music's kind of our thing.

Wasn't your dad a musician?

He is a musician.

How long do we leave 'em in there?

Until they realize they're actually friends.

What? I told you we like to sing along.

Notice anything weird about that ice cream truck?

Uh, the terrible driving?

Yeah, and it never actually stops.

It's like, it's always there, just watching us.

I'll go check it out and, uh, hey, maybe grab a drumstick.

Something's not right. I've got a bad feeling.

- Whoa! - Ed!

- Oh, no. - Ed, no!

'That was too easy.'

'Your smartest agent just walked into my trap.'

Ed!

Ed! Ed!

'Hah! Good luck finding me now, bird brains.'

He has been watching us this whole time.

Just, just playing with us.

We're in over our head with this guy.

He's in complete command.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Gas.

No, wait. Brakes!

Gas.

Brakes! Brakes!

Oh, no, a roundabout.

These things always confuse me.

Uh, maybe I should take over.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Okay. Okay.

Let me help.

'Get back to the pedals, lizard brain.'

- Anything? - It's pitch black.

Wait, I got a, I got a flash on my..

...phone.

It's great effort, but I think it's time to come..

Whoa!

...down.

- Ow! - Here, quick.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm fine. Fine.

Um, zucchini kale bite?

"No gluten, no dairy

no soy, no grains, no sugar."

And no taste.

- Uh-oh. - What's "uh-oh?"

Oh, gosh, maybe you're a little too hydrated?

You can never be too hydrated.

Unless you're stuck in an elevator.

Well, you have to hold it.

I-I don't think I can.

Now we have a real emergency.

Uh! We lost him.

Wait. Maybe not.

We just have to follow the sound.

Okay, you gotta distract me.

Okay, um, what do you have planned in the summer?

Uh, I'm supposed to go to a tennis camp

but, you know, recently, uh, uh..

What are you doing?

I'm going white water rafting with my dad.

I love being out on the water

in the water, anything water related really.

- Not helping. - Sorry.

Ooh, ice cream truck, 6 o'clock.

Ed!

I knew you'd find me.

Nice instincts on the howling, by the way.

- Gotta get you untied. - There's no time.

- But.. - 'And Roger..'

...there will be a moment.

'And there's always a moment that you'll need'

to make a split second decision.

Don't hesitate.

Whoever kidnapped me went inside the pet store.

Now get in there and stop that low life.

Okay, so..

...why are you moving?

My dad hasn't come out with a new song in a while.

He doesn't think he has anything to say to the young audience.

And I had this crazy idea.

Like, maybe I could write him one

and revive his career.

Truthfully, we're not moving.

We were evicted.

- I'm sorry, I didn't... - No, no, it's-it's fine.

I mean, I'm here about to pee my pants

and I'm blabbering about my stupid tennis stuff is..

It's not stupid.

I'm glad you did.

I feel like people assume things about others.

- You know? - For sure.

I mean, it's like, no one actually really talks anymore.

This is probably the longest

I've gone without being on my phone.

It's kind of nice, isn't it?

Actually having a conversation.

Yeah.

Oh, God.. Okay.

You gotta distract me.

- Let's hear it. - Hear what?

The song. The one you're writing for your dad.

Absolutely not.

Do you have something more important planned

while we're stuck here in this elevator?

No, but i-it's just..

Dude, a bit of unsolicited advice?

You made me realize I was overdoing my talents.

I think you're maybe under doing yours.

- This is stupid. - Come on.

You've got this.

♪ Run run run ♪

♪ Run run run.. ♪♪

'Ah! Like clockwork.'

Lured them right into my trap.

Zeek, clear the store.

I'm really sorry, everyone. We gotta leave.

Depart the premises right now, everybody, please.

- Please. - Let's go.

- Where's my son? - Let's go. Sorry.

I'm sure he's outside.

What's going on? Is there a fire?

It's a diversion. Be careful.

It might be a trap.

Okay, let's go.

Come on, you two.

Right behind you.

Now, remember, it could be any type of horrible animal.

A rat, python..

Or a parrot!

Aren't you a cockatoo?

Argh, the name's Pablo.

But you might know me better as

the most nefarious villain

the world has ever seen!

- You? - Yes.

Perhaps you'll remember me.

After all, I watched you, Roger

get adopted from this very store.

- Uh, not ringin' any bells. - Really?

I was in the cage right across from you.

I told you knock-knock jokes on occasion.

- Still nothin'. - I mean..

- I was right in the cage. - But why?

Why wouldn't I?

After all you've done to us.

What we've done?

And now it's time to pay!

Zeek, release our comrades.

Freedom!

Alright, let's go.

'Let's go.'

Okay, big guy, you're our enforcer.

Time to start enforcing.

♪ Lovely fluffy tarantula ♪

♪ Went up the water spout ♪

♪ Out came the rain and.. ♪♪

Ahh! Get that thing away from me!

I'm allergic to spiders!

Hey, our enforcer speaks.

Yeah. Bone-chilling.

With that settled, it's time to plan your big trip.

- Trip? - 'Trip?'

Hey. Someone in there?

Yes, we're stuck.

- Please help us! - Please!

Okay.

Just give me a minute.

Finally.

Quite the adventure, huh?

Yeah.

I'm, uh, I'm so glad I finally got to know each other.

Yeah, me too. Thanks.

Thank you.

Uh..

I guess he fixed it.

Yup.

Uh..

I, uh, I better go take Roger out.

Yeah, you dog people have to do that, don't you?

Mm-hmm.

Can I come?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Oh, sorry about that.

'Roger!'

Rog!

I'm home!

That's strange. Where could he be?

Do you think your mom took him?

No. She's gone all day.

- Rog! - Do they do this a lot?

Never. I..

What?

Uh, Roger has a GPS on his collar

we can find him.

Oh, okay. He's not that far. Come on.

I gotta drop off my guitar.

- Stairs. - Yeah, stairs.

In case, you have any ideas about escaping..

I think you'll enjoy island life.

Island? What island?

Aldabra Island, Indian Ocean.

Sunshine, sandy beaches

crystal blue waters.

Hm. Sounds kinda nice.

And no humans!

Whoa-oh. Ho-hold on, hold on.

I-I don't get it.

We've done nothing to you.

Oh, but you have.

While you cats and dogs were keeping the peace

with your worldwide FART system

rest of us pets sat

'day after day, month after month'

and in my case, year after year

waiting for human owners

that never came.

That's what this is about?

That's exactly what this is about.

It says he's in here.

Hey, what's going on?

Wait until they all clear.

Can't let you in. Could be a fire in there.

In need to go inside. My dog is in there.

No can do.

You said it yourself.

You've never been a pet.

So you don't know what that bond is like.

I don't believe in that anymore.

And maybe you'll stop believing, too.

'After yearning to be a pet'

'day after day and year after year'

'on an island where the only humans'

are skeletal remains

of long dead explorers.

Close up the crates!

So we can bid a fond farewell

to the failed cats and dogs of Zone 867.

Hey, I said don't go in there, you rebels.

Uh, they'll be fine.

We've got company.

- That's Max. - And Zoe.

'They tracked my GPS collar.'

Max must've noticed I was gone.

He still does care about me.

Stop him, girls.

- Roger! - Rog!

Roger!

Humans are gonna save us.

Get rid of the humans!

I'll do better than that.

I did some late night research

that revealed frequencies

impacting the human brain.

Geez! What is that?

Ow!

Mom.

- Stop it. - You're hurting them.

Close up the crates!

Well, my work here is done.

So I'm gonna make like a bulldog and flee.

Flee. Get it? Flee?

Anyway, you all have a nice trip.

Zeek, bring me my iron dog suit.

- What now? - 'No one hurts my human.'

Oh, my head. Ah! My head.

I just need a minute.

'I'm with you, partner.'

'If my Zoe's in trouble'

'I'd run through a brick wall for her.'

'Ow! Oh! Ow! Oh!'

'Ooh! Ow!'

'Why couldn't you've locked us in a paper sack?'

Didn't want you to get a paper cut.

Nobody hurts my friends' humans.

- Thanks, big guy. - Yeah, I got your back, kid.

This is so annoying.

You really care about them that much?

We would do anything for them. That's what pets do.

Just like they would do anything for us.

Ow!

Ow.

Hello.

Yeah. Okay.

Uh, what is this thing I'm feelin'?

It's so... strange.

It's called affection.

It's what people do for the pets they love.

You're a cool bird.

I'm, I'm enjoyin' it.

Enough of this!

Want me to turn up the frequency

and get that clingy, foolish bugs off you?

No, turn it off! Let them go!

I'm a changed bird.

I-I've seen the light at the end of the cage.

- What? - What?

By the way, animals talkin', our little secret, okay?

I got you, super bird.

Super bird? Oh..

I didn't study code every night for two years

to watch you go soft on me.

That was not the plan.

Yeah, well, you didn't make the plan.

I did.

I have a new purpose now.

Everyone should feel the love of a human.

You're not going anywhere.

What are you doing? It's over.

So hand me the phone and get ready for your new family.

I don't want a family.

And I don't wanna be trapped in a tiny space

being force-fed crickets.

Okay, well, then what do you want?

I want it all.

'Reptiles once ruled the planet unopposed.'

We were here millions of years before dogs.

Before cats, before anyone!

Not before fish!

Fish don't count.

It's time my reptilian brothers and I once again

take our place at the top of the food chain!

The top? That would mean that...

- Exactly! - Zeek.

I order you to stop.

Bird frequency, anyone?

I gotta do somethin'.

'I gotta get to that phone.'

No, you won't make it.

There's always a moment

and this is that moment.

Cover me, partner.

Did you just call me partner?

I'm goin' for that phone.

Now that's a field agent.

Okay, girls, ready to rumble?

But first, catnap.

JK, JK.

Tap and out! Told you I was a ninja.

Want some more of this, cream-puff?

Oh, not again.

That's what I thought. 160 pounds of pure whiskey..

It's all mine now.

No.

No parachute!

Your shots better be up to date.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Okay. Okay.

How about that? I can fly!

If you know what's good for you, you'll bring me that phone.

What are you doing?

Cats and dogs and humans. Back to normal.

No!

All pain frequencies erased.

And I just disabled your GPS micro chip.

Your owners won't know what happened.

- Are you okay? - Yeah. And you?

Yeah.

Whoo.

What was that?

Wait, Roger's GPS collar, it's gone.

Disa-disappeared.

So, he's not inside.

Stupid phone.

Probably didn't even work in the first place.

Didn't I tell you not to go in there?

Should we head back to the house?

Yeah.

Just ignore me.

There you are.

- I saw the coolest bird. - Oh, a bird?

Dude, it's an emergency, off the phone.

Yeah.

Alright, everyone, sorry about that.

Do with me what you want.

This is not over.

Oh, I think it is.

Case closed, lizard.

What? No.

I think it's finally time I retire.

There's always a moment.

Right, old buddy?

'Wait, your old partner'

your mentor, that was Ed?

I always knew he was a field agent.

Just had to make sure he knew.

Tell me somethin', Ed.

Uh, did you get captured on purpose?

Just wanted a drumstick.

So what about him?

Like I said, we'll talk to headquarters

'see if they can help him find a home.'

And him?

If you don't mind, I may have a home for him too.

Speaking of, we gotta get home before Max and Zoe.

How are we gonna do that?

Oh, I got you.

I can help you there.

Paws at ten and two.

Uh-oh! Hit the brakes!

Brakes, brakes! Brakes?

Ah! I'm here, I think I need

a full 20 hours of sleep tonight.

I can go for a long catnap myself.

'Roger, what are you doing in here?'

Gwen?

That's a good boy, Roger.

How did he get in here?

I don't know.

- 'Hey.' - Dad.

Uh, this is Max from upstairs.

- Hello. - Sir.

Hey. So..

Anything exciting happen today?

Um, actually, dad, can you sit down?

There's something I wanna show you.

Oh. Okay.

I've been working on your song

and this is what I came up with.

♪ Run run run ♪

♪ Run run run ♪

♪ Run run run.. ♪

Yeah.

Turns out, everyone found exactly

what they were looking for.

♪ Didn't follow the plan ♪

♪ I should've stopped when I had the chance.. ♪

Like a well-deserved rest.

Like new-found confidence.

Zone 867, all clear and looking good.

Like refocused priorities.

Just chill.

Come on, Max! You got this!

♪ Time we disconnect ♪

♪ Run run run ♪

♪ Our minds are losin' this ♪

♪ Run run run ♪

♪ Say goodbye to this ♪

♪ Run run run ♪

♪ No I ain't looking back.. ♪

That was amazing.

That's my boy.

- Wow. - Yes.

Go, champion!

You got your tennis mojo back.

I just had to do it on my own terms.

All I had to do was chill, chill and..

Chill.

Like just letting go.

I believe that's yours.

- Thank you. - Good job.

♪ I never never never wanna believe it ♪

♪ I never never never thought I could leave this ♪

♪ Run run run it's time we disconnect ♪

♪ Run run run our minds are losin' this ♪

♪ Run run run say goodbye to this.. ♪

Like a renewed career.

♪ Run run run no I ain't lookin' back ♪

Like home sweet home.

Or even like a new family.

Looking good, super bird.

Pretty bird. You're a pretty bird.

Pretty boy. Pretty mom.

'Pretty dog.'

So unusual.

'A dog who eats crickets.'

Let me out of this thing!

Not even funny.

So, things are back to normal, well, sort of.

Oh, we're still agents, we just

go about it a little differently.

Yeah, like, we still go outside

but for reasons other than taking on

world conquering villains.

And as for technology

sure, there's a time and place for it in our lives.

But we have to make a time and a place for other things, too.

♪ Run run run say goodbye.. ♪♪

Outside good, outside good, outside great.

- Any action today? - No.

I haven't seen anything.

Pretty boring.

Like I always say, boring is good. Hm?

Like you always say?

Hey, my phone.

Roger!

Gwen!

Good boy. Ready?

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

♪ I can feel it in my bones ♪

♪ I can feel you get weaker ♪

♪ You can hear it in my toes ♪

♪ And you can feel it in the speakers yeah ♪

♪ And I can see the way you flex ♪

♪ Every jump I want it safer ♪

♪ And if I tell you what's next ♪

♪ I pull the part of your retainer ♪

♪ And I know and I know and I know and I know ♪

♪ We're good enough ♪

♪ When we go when we go when we go when we go ♪

♪ We're movin' up ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk come on ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey hey ♪

♪ I could show you the ropes ♪

♪ And I could show you the paper ♪

♪ I could take you down the roads ♪

♪ And take you back home later ♪

♪ Never like the way you flex ♪

♪ And I really like your flavor ♪

♪ If I tell you what's next ♪

♪ You better.. ♪

♪ And I know and I know and I know and I know ♪

♪ We're good enough ♪ ♪ Alright ♪

♪ When we go when we go when we go when we go ♪

♪ We're movin' up ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk come on ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ W-we still g-got the funk ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ We still g-got the funk f-funk ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ W-we still g-got the funk ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ We still g-got the funk ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk come on ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk come on ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪

♪ Hey it never left us ♪

♪ We still got the funk come on ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ We still got the funk ♪ ♪ Hey ♪♪