Original subtitles

[suspenseful music]

♪

- Were you followed? - No.

I was very cautious, just like you said.

- Good.

This could potentially be very embarrassing for us.

♪

Couple dudes like us

not knowing how to unclasp a bra?

Is that your sister's?

- Yep.

My mom got rid of all of hers after a double mastectomy.

- Oh, my God.

Eduardo, I'm so sorry.

You never told me that.

- It's okay. She's safe now.

[sighs]

She was so brave through the whole thing.

- I've heard it said

that women hold up half the sky,

but it sounds like

she's holding up more than her fair share.

- She's a queen for sure.

- Was it scary for you?

- It was.

[sighs]

I'm just glad she's okay.

- Okay.

[somber music]

♪

[suspenseful music]

♪

Oh, man.

Okay, okay. Oh.

No, no. That wasn't it.

- ♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪

♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪

♪

[tense music]

- Okay, everybody, shut your teenage pie holes...

Because your principal's here.

Everybody, a round of applause for your principal.

Come on. Let's go.

[applause]

- Hi. Hey.

Um...

You just hit me with an apple.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah, I guess I did. Oh, man, I am late as hell.

[scoffs]

Dale's got traffic stopped out by, uh, Secor.

I guess he found a pothole,

looks like a mouth.

- Well, that is amazing news,

although I think we all have a headline of our own.

- Oh.

- Yeah, most of your students

are part of Ms. Duncan's Young Entrepreneurs Club.

- Yeah, I bet everybody except Dan Decker

are part of that nerdy-ass club.

[laughs]

- Actually, I'm in that club too, Mr. G.

- Oh, no. What are you guys doing to him?

You are ruining him.

- Well, it's a great club. - I doubt it.

- And they're always looking for the next big thing.

Uh, by the way,

how are things going with your philosophy book?

- Oh, pretty good. Yeah, pretty all right--

- A little birdie told me you have not yet found a publisher.

- Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.

- This is the path you're on, Dan.

- Actually, I thought that was a pretty cool way to show

he was the little birdie.

- [sighs] Oh, come on.

- Well, there is, uh,

one publisher you have not submitted your manuscript to.

RanDurb House.

- Oh, no.

- I, uh, finally finished your new book.

This thing is smart.

Why didn't you tell me about it, you egghead?

- Ye--uh, this is not my book.

- Well, I mean, it's your words,

but the illustrations are by yours truly.

- Oh, God.

I am speechless.

- Oh, great, Ralph. You're here. Perfect.

I am here to announce

the winner of this month's "Lunch with the Principal."

It's Caleb Baker.

- Seriously? I won?

You and I get to hang and talk about your days on the road

with your old ska band The Skankee Doodles?

- You got it, rude boy. [laughs]

See you tomorrow at noon.

- Yes! Holy crap, yes!

You see it, you write it down, and then it happens.

You that bitch, Caleb. You that bitch.

Ooh!

- Uh, Caleb?

Can you not smoke?

Yeah. All right, everybody.

You know the routine, guys.

Pass them to the center

and throw them right in the little trash bag there.

Appreciate it.

A book of this caliber should not come with a set of crayons.

- The edible crayons are my idea.

- Well, in the end, we couldn't afford the edible crayons.

- [sighs] Look, uh,

I'm sure you guys worked very hard

to produce this abomination,

but uh, Bobby Bunny learns to love his job

at the carrot factory? Come on.

- I thought satisfaction in manual labor

was the message of your book.

- Yeah, but for people, not for little cartoon bunnies.

- Mmm, the bunnies made it relatable.

- Marissa, slap Marcus.

- But I'm the bad girl.

- Oh, yuck. Ugh.

All right, new rule:

I don't want any you ever to refer to yourselves

as bad girls or boys.

- But what if I've been a very bad boy?

- Dan, do you see?

Do you see? - Yeah.

♪

Yeah.

- Durbin was right to appoint me

head of the Young Entrepreneurs Club

because I like to make that money.

You know, my little cash cows

are presenting their project ideas this afternoon.

You two should come and watch.

- I would love to. - Oh, come on.

What are you-- what are you guys doing?

Gimme these. Gimme these.

- What? I need more time with the maze.

I have left-right blindness.

- Uh-uh! Uh-uh!

Excuse me! - What?

- I know you are not stealing my inventory.

Okay, if you want these books,

you're gonna have to pay for them.

- [sighs] All right, fine.

I'll pay for them, but I'm taking them all,

and you have to tell me

everybody you've sold one to so far.

- ♪ One, two!

[upbeat ska music]

- [snoring]

♪

- ♪ One, two!

♪ If you ever hear a noise in the night ♪

♪ Your body starts to sweat

♪ It shakes and shivers in fright ♪

♪ You go and sleep with your mother ♪

♪ She hates your guts, she knows that you love her ♪

- Cool bunny book.

- ♪ It's obscene!

- Hey, Jack!

No, hey!

Aw!

[sighs] - ♪ One, two!

♪ And your girlfriend sweet little seventeen ♪

♪ She's got her layered hair and her flared jeans ♪

- No. No.

No! It's mine.

[grunts]

Ahh!

Ha, ha!

There you go! You got it!

[laughing manically]

♪

- This is our presentation for the Young Entrepreneurs Club.

Nowadays, there are over 75 million women in the workforce.

- So they don't have time

to be messing with a bra clasp all day.

- Introducing

the Velcro bra.

- Well, this nightmare's almost over.

Oh, what's happening?

- Victor and Eduardo don't know how to undo bras.

- [laughs] Yeah, that makes sense.

[sighs] - Hey, hey, Jack.

- Yeah? - Big news.

Okay, first, I just went by the faculty lounge.

The book is completely sold out.

- Uh-huh. - It's amazing.

Second, I sent my copy over to Channel Six,

and they wanna talk to us tomorrow morning.

- The one that got away.

[sighs] - [laughs]

- Yeah, that all sounds great. So exciting.

Um, I would love to, but you know, I can't miss class.

- Oh, gosh, well, I guess I could, you know,

talk about your philosophy myself.

You can trust Bobby Bunny! [chuckles]

- You know what?

Um, this is such a well intentioned thing, Ralph,

but the philosophy world can just be so brutal...

- Hmm.

- In its criticism of new works, you know?

And I'm just worried that, you know,

some of the finer points may be lost on--

on yo-- on Bobby the Bunny.

- Well, I mean, it's just Bobby Bunny,

but you know what? - [sighs]

- You tell me to say, and I will say it.

- Oh, God.

Uh, you know what? I will join you.

- Yes! - And I'll do all the talking.

- All righty then! - Oh, that reference.

- I'll see you tomorrow.

Maybe we can listen to ska on the drive over.

- Yes, I'll see you tomorrow at noon.

Awesome.

- Okay, my sweet, greedy angels.

It's time to invest in a new venture.

Now will we save the world?

I do not care as long as we...

all: Make that money.

- It's a college acceptance letter tracking binder.

- Give me something I can sell, Sarika.

You know, something for the masses.

- The masses don't know what they want.

- The problem: Countless lost hours

in America's meat packing industry

waiting on slow bleeding hogs.

The solution: The Piggy Whistle.

all: Ooh!

[grunts]

[distressing music]

[imitating pig squealing]

- That's gonna be a pass.

Next.

- Ms. Duncan, you don't like any of our ideas.

What do you want?

A stupid t-shirt with a fart joke?

[chuckles]

- Wait, Sarika, what'd you just say?

Yo, Ms. Duncan, I got it.

It's a t-shirt that says "Gone Tootin'."

♪

- An irreverent take on the classic Gone Fishin' shirt.

- Now see, that's what I'm talking about.

Now that smells like money

- Excuse me.

♪

This is Popo,

my beloved grandmother.

Recently, she slipped on an orange while grocery shopping.

Please, open your hearts

and invest $500 to cover the deductible

for Popo's knee surgery.

- Oh, Yuyao.

Did you think this was the Young Charity Case Club?

[laughs]

- No. Put your hand down.

You have to go with that one.

- Ooh, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What if it's "Gone Tootin',

Be Back at Poo-thirty."

- Okay, that's our next project.

Boom. [laughs]

[line ringing]

- Popo.

[speaking Mandarin]

- We're live in 30.

- So what do you think? Jack, Jack.

Too much or just right?

- No, no, Ralph, why'd you even bring that?

- Too much? All right. - Yes.

Why did you even bring it?

- Well, I thought it was a good idea.

- Okay, okay, oh, hey. - [laughs]

[laughter] - Okay.

- Oh, hi. - Oh, hi.

Ralph. Ralph. - Hi, how are you?

- Wow, that's nice. - Oh, that's Gucci, baby.

- Oh, that's cool too.

- Oh, you like that? Impressive right?

I've got a guy. We'll talk after the show.

[laughs] - Okay, yeah.

- Okay, so, um, I'm Jack. - Yeah.

Mm-hmm. - Wrote the book, yeah.

I was thinking we'd start by talking about Plato

and then I would move on--

- And we're live in five, four, three...

[cheery music]

- Good morning, Toledo. We're here with Jack and Ralph,

two best friends that wrote one big book

about bunnies. "Get Hoppy."

[laughter]

- Oh, my gosh, you have to put these on.

- Oh, you know, those-- - Oh, you have to do it.

- No. - [laughs]

- Well, I'm--I'm here to talk

about Jack's philosophy things. - Yeah, yeah, we're not--

That's--that's-- - Please.

- No, Ralph. No, Ralph.

- Ralph? Don't you mean Bobby Bunny!

[laughter] Good morning, Toledo!

- We didn't know Bobby Bunny was gonna be here!

- Whoo, whoo, whoo! - Oh, look at that!

- Whoo, whoo, whoo! [laughter]

- Uh, fascinatingly, the book really asks

whether the drudgery of our daily mundanity,

uh, is really drudgery at all,

or is it actually-- - [laughs]

Uh-oh, looks like Mark's dozing off here.

- Yeah.

- Earth to co-host! [laughs]

- [snoring]

I'm up. [laughter]

I'm up.

I'm up. I'm crazy.

- Crazy. - Hey, do this for me:

Tell me about this character, Bobby Bunny.

- Oh, yeah, we--

- Okay, here's what I'm wondering.

Is a panda a kind of bunny?

Because I heard it was actually a rat,

and that makes me sick.

So, so, Jack, my question to you is,

are pandas bunnies or rats?

- Uh...

Uh, if anyone out there works for a university,

I am a former Harvard professor.

I'm open to working in inclement weather.

- We'll be right back after the break.

Making breakfast nachos with Chef Don Chacho!

- Ooh. - Those are gonna be fun.

- [laughs] - And we're clear.

- [grunting]

Where am I in regards to the street?

- Uh, the...

- This way? - Yes.

- [sighs] - [laughs]

- Okay.

- What a grump. [laughs]

Ralph, why don't you stick around

and help us make nachos with Chef Don Chacho?

- Um, I... - Hey, brother.

Listen up. I'll tell you right now.

I'd ride this wave,

'cause when you're hot, you're hot,

and right now my friend, you are blazing.

- Well, I--I guess I can

as long as they're carrot nachos!

- Oh, you are bad! [laughter]

- Nonstop! Nonstop!

- Bad bunny!

- Where are we getting these people?

[bell rings]

- [sighs] Oh.

- Hey, there, Mr. Morning Show!

- Yeah, uh, I need to talk to Durbin.

- Well, he's not back yet. - What?

[suspenseful music]

- Should I shred some onions over these?

[imitates chewing] - [laughs]

- [imitates chewing]

- He skipped lunch with a student?

Look at him.

He dressed like Beetlejuice for this.

- I'm ska.

- [scoffs] He's scared.

I'm ska too.

Very ska,

but Durbin come back safe safe.

Don't worry.

- And I'm a bunny! [laughter]

[imitates chewing]

- It's go time.

- Yeah, I got this. I got this.

- Okay.

- The man, the myth, the legend, Coach Novak.

So what if you didn't have to tell people

what kind of man you are?

- Am I supposed to be telling people that?

- What if people saw how you were dressed and thought,

"I know this man. He's edgy."

- Gone Tootin'.

Ha! Boy, you got my number.

[banjo music]

- Oh, don't mind us.

We're just raising money for Yuyao's grandmother.

I guess we're what you might call

a charity case club.

- Uh, Coach.

Focus.

So the shirt is $10.

- Coach, Coach, let me ask you a question.

When you die, what are you gonna remember?

The fart shirt or saving an old woman's knee?

[Sarah McLachlan's "Angel"]

[banjo music]

[dramatic music]

- Just give me back them cat pictures sometime.

[The Stranglers' "Peaches"]

♪

- ♪ Strolling along minding my own business ♪

♪ Well, there goes a girl and a half ♪

♪ She's got me going up and down ♪

♪ She's got me going up and down ♪

♪ Walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches ♪

♪

- Ralph, why didn't you call?

Did you dye your chest hair?

- Gucci, baby.

Pew.

- I thought we were getting lunch.

- [sighs]

[grunts]

Here. Got you something better.

TV nachos.

Hold my calls.

I had a light beer up at the show,

and this bunny needs to nap.

[door shuts]

- I'm so sa.

- This ends now.

[somber piano music]

Look, I know you're gonna get all sad,

but the morning show? [scoffs]

That was an embarrassment for both of us.

[sinister music]

♪

- You were the embarrassment, Jack.

I'm blazing.

They love Bobby Bunny.

They want me back on the show tomorrow.

♪

- [chuckles]

Oh, okay.

Fine.

Good luck on the show tomorrow.

I can't wait to see how it goes.

- [imitates chewing]

♪

- I called this emergency meeting

because the shirts aren't selling.

I need new strategies.

- What if we changed the slogan to

"Be Back at Poo Squirty p.m."?

- Pee! "Pee Back at Poo Squirty p.m."

- "Gone Tootin',

Pee Crack Shat Poo Squirty Dicks B.M."

- Okay, okay, Ms. Duncan, look.

The shirts are not the problem. The shirts are perfect.

It's optics.

How are we gonna beat an old lady in a wheelchair?

[grim music]

- [sighs]

♪

- Thank you, Terrence. Thank you.

[indistinct chatter]

♪

- Hey. Do--

- Oh. Ugh.

♪

[horns honking]

[tense music]

♪

- [sighs]

- I told you it'd make you feel better to feed the street.

♪

- Oh, it does.

♪

- Is that right? [laughs]

- Canadians say "eh." - You know what?

I make a mean waffle.

- Oh. Oh, hey, um...

- Uh, Mr. Durbin, we're not gonna need you this morning.

- Oh, no, go check your clipboard, babe.

Uh, Mark asked for me himself.

- We have a hot news story that's breaking.

[laughter]

- All right, speaking of food...

- Mm-hmm. - I just wanna introduce you

to a very special guest, Dale the janitor.

[laughter] - Oh, just Dale is fine.

- Janitor Dale. - Mm-hmm.

- We got a tip that you're the center of a Toledo sensation

the Street Mouth. - That's right.

- Mm. - "Street Gotta Eat."

- Dale, what caused you, a lowly janitor,

to take on world hunger?

- When I was driving into work,

I noticed that the street was smiling and happy.

- Oh. - But on my way home,

I realized it was sad. - Aw.

- That's why I fed it those peas.

There's some great sweets in there.

- Yum. - Muffins, doughnuts, cookies.

- He's not there.

Maybe he we're on for Spaghetti Warehouse.

- I'm just double-checking.

Do you want Spaghetti Warehouse?

'Cause you're dressed like Bob's Big Boy.

- But uh, mainly it's just cans of peas.

[laughter] - Of course, cans.

- Peas? - Classic.

- Who needs peas when you've got carrots?

Oh, it's a carrot storm!

♪ Bobby Bunny, dancing to-and-fro ♪

♪ Bobby Bunny, good morning, Toledo ♪

- Security.

- Ooh, here comes Mr. Policeman.

Oh, but Bobby Bunny's too quick.

He's too quick!

Ow! [electrical crackling]

Taser! Ow!

[bleep]! - Okay.

- [bleep]!

- Well, you got what you wanted.

- Ow! Shit!

- Looks like this is the end of Bobby the Bunny.

- Shit! Oh!

[laughter] - It's just Bobby Bunny.

- That's what happens on a live show, folks.

- [laughs] [rewinding]

- What makes the nachos breakfast nachos?

- Those would be eggs.

- Oh ho ho ho! - Oh!

[laughter] - That's egg-cellent.

Where did you go wrong?

- There from Tijuana's Egg Farm.

- Ooh. - Oh, she had a job.

Thank you so much. - Yes, absolutely.

- You got cheese here which is...

- [sighs]

- I was blazing, Jack. I was...

Just yesterday, and now I'm...

colder than one of those fancy cold soups.

- Full disclosure,

I'm the one who told Mark and Molly

about Dale's Street Mouth.

- They would've found it one way or the other.

That--that pothole looks just like a mouth.

- Yeah, it does, but it's a pothole.

Ralph, I mean, you're better than a pothole.

- Thanks.

- [laughs]

You know, uh,

it seems like Bobby Bunny was pretty happy

working at the carrot factory.

- Whitlock High is my carrot factory.

[sighs]

Oh, Jack, I...

My chest hair isn't black. I...

I dyed it.

- Yeah.

Everyone knows. It's okay.

- Yeah, but Jack, I didn't stop with the drapes.

I, uh...

I did the carpet too.

I--my carpet is all messed up,

just wall to wall.

- [sighs] Yeah, that's, uh...

That's, you know,

certainly something to get figured out.

- Yeah.

[awkward music]

- It's tough

to, uh...

Tough stuff, bud.

♪

- [sighs] - Yeah.

- Ralph Durbin, if you are not here to take this poor boy

directly to Spaghetti Warehouse,

you better turn your sweet patoot around.

- We got a 2:30 rez, rude boy.

- Hell yes! - [laughs]

- I'm so hungry. - Okay.

- Oh. - So The Skankee Doodles

were about to open for The Toasters,

but our trumpets had been stolen...

- Yeah.

- Ladies, you have been served.

Yuyao's grandmother is now exclusively

with the Young Entrepreneurs.

Uh, we won. [laughs]

- Except that our goal

was to help Yuyao's grandmother all along.

- Right, so we all won. - Yeah.

- Sure.

Okay, I get to keep making my dope-ass shirts,

and y'all get to stop pretending

that you don't want one.

- I love the shirts. - I just want one so bad!

- I love 'em. I love 'em so much.

- I like the part about "Poo-thirty."

- [laughs] - Flatulence.

[clock ticking]

- [sighs]

- Uh, sorry to...interrupt?

I just wanted to bring back

the last remaining copy of your book.

Destroy as you see fitted.

- Ah, well, that's sweet.

You know, why don't you keep this one, Ralph?

I, uh, I think I'm gonna keep one for myself.

I was doing the word search, and it was a lot of fun.

- Oh.

- It was a bit of a doozy though.

Lot of Spanish profanities in there.

- Uh, well,

Eduardo helped me out with that one and...

did not know that.

- Now I'm the one who is a very bad boy.

- Well, look, I--

I wanna to apologize for saying I never needed you.

I always have, and I always will.

- Well, you know, we just met in September, so...

- Yeah, okay. [laughs]

- Hey, what'd you end up doing with your chest hair?

- The che--oh, well, I was able to bleach the drapes...

- Mmm.

- But had to take the carpeting down to the hardwood floor.

- Oh. [whistles]

- Yeah.

Do you know what I mean when I say that?

[playful music]

- Yes, Ralph, I know what you mean.

- Thank God. - Yeah.

- Okay.

- [chuckles]

[horns honking]

- Peas on Earth. all: Peas on Earth.

[mischievous music]

- Ah, the old street mouth pea can scam.

[laughs]

♪